Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake
by kakashidiot
Summary: Kakashicentric. Chapter 39! FINAL UPDATE! Kakashi's future with Sakura. A new future with family at his side! RandR!
1. Prologue: Gentle Lesson

**Title**: Gentle Lesson

**Warnings**: None

**Disclaimer**: I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes**: This is the edited version of Gentle Lesson. In the edited form, all messages to reviewers are placed after the story~ Enjoy~

* * *

**GENTLE LESSON: THE RESTORATION OF THE HATAKE CLAN**

* * *

**Gentle Lesson**

Falling snow

Of purple, blue and red

Petals wafted by the wind

I felt them softly soothe my face

And wondered

How I sometimes close my eyes

To the dark, blue sky

White clouds, sparkling starred heavens

Falling snow

Of purple, blue and red

Petals wafted by the wind

I felt them softly soothe my face

Ah!

How the weak and gentle

In life give more

Comfort than all material things


	2. Dark Memories

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: **Violence, non-con, torture. Still work-safe, however.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes: Spring 2010 Edit**

* * *

**Dark Memories**

Her life had been so different from his. He could see it in the carefully placed photos on the walls – pictures of her, smiling as she was cuddled by (he presumed) her mother, overshadowed by her doting father. He could see it in the way toys lay strewn across her room – dolls, building blocks, tiny castles and a miniature wood horse that she loved to ride on. He could see it in the closets and dressers full of lace, colourful cottons and expensively embroidered silk.

Her life had been so different from his.

Had been.

She lay now, deathly still, on her small bed, a picture of serenity and innocence. Deathly still….

Dead.

Objectively, he knew that there should be something stirring in his chest – but only felt relief that the suffocation had worked – that there was no blood to erase with difficulty. In the blue moonlight, she looked so natural – her lips and face, blue, did not seem out of place.

Her father, a lord from Earth, financing an army of ninjas to harass Leaf for Sound, would, Kakashi thought, get the point.

You hurt us, we hurt you.

As ANBU, Kakashi rarely knew the 'why' – but this time the dots had been connected and a dark part of him seemed to find a morbid satisfaction in causing Rock-nins pain and humiliation.

_That's for you, Obito._

But as he looked down on her, he was so aware of what he missed – that in her short span of life, she had known what he had undeniably wished for – love, acceptance, peace, stability.

Although, here he was alive.

And she was not.

_And that counts for something, right?_

_Right?_

_No._

Years later, he still agreed.

Living is over-rated.

What use is life without a heart?

He knew that such an organ of tenderness existed – but it was a weakness he could not afford to acknowledge.

So long ago – it seemed so long ago – he thought he had found himself again. The three faces that had slowly – day after day – brought a sense of hope. Perhaps it had been in their dreams and ambitions – however positive or negative – had been unbroken.

He should have told them. As he looked down at the girl-child.

_I should have told them – along with my wise words on misusing jutsus or the importance of teamwork – that disillusionment was the work of time._

_And time was the inevitable turning of the wheel of life._

Suddenly, as if he walked out of the room – as if he jumped out of the window of the dojo – he didn't remember doing so – he found himself in the forest.

The face he looked down upon was a ghost of long ago.

From her lips trickled two thin streams of blood. Her hair artistically spread over the bright green leaves (which reminded him so sharply of what he lost: life) seemed so vibrant – her open eyes – a brilliant green , which still seemed to say 'friend', even though her lips and hands had endeavored to betray him.

Beside her, lay her cracked white mask – a silent symbol in and of itself. Further away, her broken katana lay.

It was Lin.

His ANBU teammate. His backup. His saviour. His betrayer.

She was so lovely – a picture of innocence and stilled strength. One moment before she had been swinging her katana at him – repeating her earth prison technique in a desperate attempt to trap him and take him prisoner and prize to her real masters.

She hadn't been fast enough. Smart enough. Powerful enough.

Brutal enough. Hard-hearted enough.

His chidori sliced though the rising wall of earth, cut her blade in half and buried painfully into her belly. Agonizingly. Gutted, she fell forward as he stood there motionless – emotionless.

"Why?"

They always asked that.

_Why? _

_Why, Kakashi? Why?_

The haunting words froze on her lips as she fell sideways, dead. He had felt nothing. Just as he felt nothing now and he could hear the faraway echoes of his father and his sensei.

"_We're so proud of you."_

Their faces wavered and faded into dark.

Kakashi's eyes flew open.

Black. With shifting greens and greys. Leaves overhead. Symbols of growth. The love of Konoha.

_Never was I more aware…._

He watched blue-white pearls as they gathered on the green and slowly fell in drrrriiiiiip, driiiiiipppp drops.

They fell, catalogued, foreseen – predicted – by his every watchful Sharingan.

It was raining. The soft shhhhhhh of the rain had woken him from his uneasy dreams.

Rain did that to him. After all, the melancholy of earth seemed to press down on him – even he who had no feelings. The hunter could hear it in the song of the pitter-patter. Kakashi reached up slowly – in need. In that rush of the moment to FEEL. Slippery beneath his grasp, the mask rose away, exposing his pale skin, his scarred eye – the hidden perfections and imperfections.

An elusive memory slipped past.

Somebody.

'_What're you hiding that for?"_

_No._

_Too fuzzy._

"_What the hell did you cover up that for?"_

The memory flared into focus before disappearing. All Kakashi remembered was perfect teeth clamping down on a senbon.

_Senbon._

With effort he recalled a long-forgotten name.

_Genma._

It had been so long since he had last seen the Jounin examiner.

Last he heard, Genma, like all the rest of Konoha's Jounin, had been sent to the frontlines.

Even now, a year after the end of the war, burdened with missions (due to lack of ANBU shinobi), Kakashi still wasn't sure who had survived the terrible war which had been waged with Sound for over four years.

Five years total since he'd seen his – team. If they still could be called that. His team. No doubt they would be Jounin senseis in their own right.

Sakura – the strong willed girl who had learned to use her control to give her greater strength.

Sasuke – the vengeful brooding boy who learned to live for something other than revenge, despite the suspicions of Konoha.

Kakashi had returned with Naruto and Sakura to Konoha that bright day.

With their teammate.

As they had all vowed.

It seemed like an age ago.

And rumours – he was not sure on how factual they were – said that Orochimaru had been brought down by his…. Proud team. That upon the fields of battle, the twelve Jounin teammates – all geniuses in their rights…

_I can't remember their names…._

They had all proved themselves worthy shinobi of Konoha, while Kakashi –

_No._

To be honest, it was all due to Naruto.

Naruto – the boisterous, surprising ninja with the power of the Kyuubi, who's life had the impact of one who changed lives constantly.

Blonde, pink, black.

Kakashi turned his mind away. It was best not to think of these things. His mind stashed away the memories as it had been doing for the last five years.

Shutting his eyes, he savored the cold feel of the rain on his cheeks.

_False tears._

_It was all I can give._

* * *

**Review after reading~ It's easy payment for free entertainment~!**

**Messages to Readers:**

sabireru - hmmm... thanks for the encouragement... here's the first installation... hope you like! Actually that reference is a bit of a spoiler... have you been keeping up with the newest manga?

sadista and chidorimaniac - wow! i seem to be attracting a fan club living on permanent sugar highs! hahaahaa! keep it up! hope you enjoy!

ano saa - yep... as you can see here, despite university's pressure, I'm still writing!

Ariana deralte - hmmm... yeah... not so canon... but the idea of Kakashi out there in the 'real' world would be kinda scary - I like to get a sense of newness in my work - make us look at the way we live through the eyes of others... elevators ARE touchy creatures...

mangekyou kakashi - well... Megami won't be really playing any part in this fic. I actually didn't like her. But if you did, thanks! I hope you keep reading regardless!

een nihc - thanks! i'm sorry for the beginning! yeah... i tend to start slow and then pick up the pace. so begentle!

kaki-kun - still keeping an eye on you! here's the newest installment... after a looonngg time...

zenna - sweatdrops please keep your limbs safe! I need you to be able toclick the mouse button to scroll down! heeheehee! glad you're anticipating this!

krows scared - going to live up to expectations, i hope, with this fic!

polka dot - yeah, i tend to justtrail away with my endings. I don't know which is worse... on the other hand, it's better than a cliffie!


	3. The Blackness of Today

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: **Violence

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes: Spring 2011 Edit**

* * *

**The Blackness of Today**

Kakashi knew with a certainty that he was darkness. He was the black surrounding his prey.

Four of them – Mist-nins – the last band of what had been feared as the great Otogakure. The last of Orochimaru's turncoats. This mission – he knew it – was no doubt (in the Hokage's mind) the symbolic end of Orochimaru's reign of terror. To be sure, these were probably – at least, Kakashi thought – not the last Oto-nins out there. But he blamed his premonitions on his pessimism.

And this 'symbolic end' – this final struggle of Orchimaru's ninjas – was a year after the actual treaty between Fire and Rice Field. This battle to end all battles would never be recognized or celebrated. Consulting his gut, Kakashi knew that there was a traitorous part of him that felt relieved.

So he stood there – aware of nothing but the sweat scent of the three shinobi and their fellow kunoichi – and their fast-paced (nervous?) heartbeats. They were fresh for the fight.

_And I'm out of chakra – almost. Most certainly not enough to support the Mangekyou. Which means….._

A part of him was thankful – a part of him hated his final option. His mind felt blank but there was ambivalence in the air that tore at him. He shoved it away. There is no place for doubts on the field.

There is only him and the silence.

_That's the way I like it._

But there was Lightning's Howl – the one part of him that listened to no cold-blooded reason.

Although he was proud of his accomplishment and felt certain satisfaction in his strength, the giant wolfhound represented that part of him that still – BREATHED. That still felt. That still lived. The traitor within him that dared him to feel that burden of guilt. It was memory – bittersweet and sad, knowing loss.

It irritated him. But there was no option.

Completing the long familiar seals, Kakashi found the inner well of white chakra – the symbol of the Hatake clan. And he was lost in a blaze of white light.

* * *

The kunoichi died first. Her bright red hair was a beacon in the foliage. She must have been young – her chakra had been poorly hidden.

_Number One Ninja Know-How: how to conceal yourself properly._

The flare of his white chakra was beacon in and of itself – just like his hair – but his speed was as fast as the bolt of electricity he was name after. The Shunshin no Jutsu found her and brought him to her – his knife slit her throat open – the warm blood ran down his fingers and her voice was stilled.

Various shuriken and kunai flew at him from the shadow of the trees – not a danger to him – they merely marked his enemy's presence while bouncing off his chakra and the furry legs of Lightning's Howl.

The animal flicked the weapons away as if they were merely flies – and growling out a howl, unleashed a rain of chakra like needles upon the remaining shinobi.

Kakashi, looking now from the top of his wolfhound's head smirked as the three shinobi scattered everywhere – panicking in the face of their enemy's sudden summoning.

The silver-haired shinobi targeted the tallest one. Formed the necessary seals. RAIKIRI!

Threw himself off the lowering head of giant partner, sliced a couple of trees in half. The startled shinobi below, looking up saw dark grey sky, falling rain, trees – breaking trees – a white blur – the smell of light sweat – a red eye, a black eye and an out-thrust arm – then darkness.

Lightning's Howl funnelled a blast of chakra towards one of the shinobi, while unceremoniously breaking the leg of the enemy's comrade.

Kakashi finished the fallen shinobi off easily – quickly slitting his throat, walking away without a twitch as blood ran down his arm.

Down, down his hand.

Dark and heavy – not cleansing like the pearlescent rain.

Lightning's Howl trapped the last shinobi and thus, the whole war – the countless battles, many maneuverings, strategies, spying missions – the loss, the scars, the pain and the tears – all, all – it all ended with the chidori.

No one would be the same – he was sure of it. Two wars had torn his life apart – had taken his friends away – had torn his family apart. And here he was signalling the end of yet another life changing episode.

* * *

That night, looking up at the grey moon, from his vantage point in the tree boughs, Kakashi wondered what they lost this time around.

What had he lost?

He was so aware. He had lost his heart. But then… Had he a heart to lose anyhow?

There, there was always darkness. And something deeply lodged in his heart – a gift he gave to others but something he could never fully embrace for himself. Sacrifice.

It was a matter of honour.

_I will not falter like father._

* * *

**Review after reading~ It's easy payment for free entertainment~!**

**Messages to Readers:**

Geminia - Sorry that it seems incomplete. All things will be made clear as the story progresses!

.snooze. - Yep. You've got it right. The plot isn't yet moving... It will. It will. But I'm just trying to create an atmosphere, rebuild a character to justify the changes of 5 years.

Kira-reen - Hi! No fear! This disjointed style will dissappate as the point of view shifts. Until then, please hang in!

Kaki-kun - 'sound FX'? (?) huh? Anyway, thanks for the encouragement! More will be coming!

Krowscared - Glad you like. It's going to get brutal. So yeah...

Subakun-sensei - Yep. Your wish has been granted. It's going to be a long fic like Revelation.

nannon - A new reviewer! How nice! Glad you liked my other stuff! I'm claiming insanity when I wrote most of them. sweatdrops

een nihc - This will be a dark fic. You have been warned. But of course, as a follower of Tolkien, I do believe in the eucatastrophe - where everything turns around and things get better! So, yes, there will be love and happiness and light at the end.


	4. Nothing to Return To

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: **Violence, Reference to Non-Con

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes: **To my reviewers: hugs and kisses… Thanks very much for all the encouragement! **Spring 2011 Edit**

_Against my better judgement, I wrote something that could be termed as very, very rough, which won't be posted on fanfiction but most likely either on my livejournal – I go under 'senbonbongenma' or at mediaminer, where I am also 'Kakashidiot'…. So if you want to read something rather sad and partially explanatory concerning Kakashi's problems, read 'Dirt'. Otherwise, next time, I'll be posting something up next time about Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke, with a little bit of Tsunade, Jiraiya and Iruka!_

* * *

**Nothing to Return To**

Konoha lay dark – just beginning to lighten under the slowly rising sun. Finding his way, past his apartment, Kakashi noticed the extensive renovations on the headquarters. And further on ahead, the complex which stood over the foundations of his old apartment building.

He passed by without pause.

_All, all these were scars of war – of bombs – of loss._

Not that he had had much to lose anyway. Item: Icha Icha series, an alarm clock, his mother's quilt and Mr. Ukki.

New books had been bought, a new bedspread found in a discount store. But Mr. Ukki, irreplaceable (a gift from Naruto), had not survived. And the photos remained behind cracked glass and bent frames – certainly fragile now.

_And our old building… now a complex…._

Kakashi chuckled mirthlessly behind his bone-white mask.

_Funny._

Funny how what he cared for the least had been replaced the easiest.

_Funny._

_Or maybe not._

But now was not the time for the relaxation of his apartment's silence.

Making his way down to the underground world of ANBU, below the HQ, Kakashi mentally debriefed himself in preparation. He had found the enemy nins in a demoralized state – easy prey – and he had taken no time to kill them – the heads brought back were proof enough.

_I'll mention where I found them. How I found them. The plan of attack and the result…._

But Kakashi knew he couldn't talk about – well, it couldn't be feelings – the hole in his chest that grew in time to the drip of wet leaves.

* * *

An hour later, Kakashi sighed as he found his way to the shower room. For the most part, the debriefing had gone as planned. As Kakashi glibly reeled off the facts coldly.

_But…. HE was there….._

It had been a shock. It had been a shock to see his long-time – acquaintance? – sitting there – with his black great coat cloaking his imposing figure and grew uniform.

_How long has it been since I've seen that familiar hitae-ate skully cap? A year?_

They had seen each other off and on….

_But I haven't worked under Ibiki since the old days – when I was young and just starting at ANBU._

Kakashi frowned as he pulled his dog mask away and stripped off his forearm protectors.

_Although he is no longer my superior – I have worked solo so long now – I stand alone – his presence…._

And Kakashi pondered his newest set of mission directives. He had done it many times before – getting the new ANBU members settled. Breaking them in.

Not only was it a chance for the new recruits to have hands on experience but also a chance for the lucky older ANBUs (only six of them left) to pass on their quirky knowledge and tips – and it kept the ANBU from going crazy due to the amount of solo missions many of them took.

Kakashi hated breaking in missions – he avoided them like the plague. Babysitting juniors reminded him too much…. It was too close to the fragmented photos…

_I want to be stronger!_

_I'll be Hokage one day! You watch!_

_Shut up, dobe._

_My dream is –_

The memories hit him with the lukewarm water of the showers, which cantankerously couldn't decide between cold or hot. And he was glad for the mask as it clung suffocatingly to his lips. At least no one could see his jolt of pain. He cursed the part that hat felt the pain at the thought.

_I'm invulnerable, dammit! Even to Ibiki's glares. But Ibiki's notoriously good at reading a man – that is his contribution to Konoha – that is what makes him so damn good in the torture and interrogation squad._

As he rinsed his soapy hair, Kakashi wondered – _what did the scarred Jounin see?_

He pulled off his wet mask, donned a dry one and stood staring at the wall of the adjacent dressing room.

_What if -?_

His mind was jolted out of its train of thought as a hand slid familiarly down between his thighs. Without thought, the silver-haired nin turned and slugged –

_Yukio._

_Fuck._

Yukio peeled himself off of the wall with a feral grin – hair, wet, flopped in long black strands over his flawless face.

"What, Kakashi, don't remember me?"

He turned to two young shinobi – one of them not much older than nineteen – who stood there, scared stiff.

"This is your new captain, boys," Yukio leered. "The tensai ninja. Hatake Kakashi. You know – Sharingan no Kakashi."

The young men stared wide-eyed. Kakashi cursed Yukio softly, while leisurely swiping his towel to cover himself.

He could already see their thoughts. Written in their eyes. He hated it. He hated what they saw.

The long, slim, muscle-toned body graced with scars which lay almost invisibly over his pale skin. And even worse, they had caught him off guard, when he liked to meet the newbies on his own terms – three hours late.

_Not that I'm a hypocrite – but most seem to think treating me as an old drinking buddy is fine. Which it is not. Well, it wasn't like it was their fault. Yukio is mainly to blame. And full justice will have to be meted out for that…. A black eye wouldn't be enough…. Hmmm…. Well… thank Kami at least I had my mask on… it isn't like – _

He pulled his pants on with much thought, while his team waited and watched.

_The boys wanted reassurance._

_He could see that_

_Maaaa… my first impression of you guys – I hate you –_

It hit him hard as he pulled down his shirt – and he pulled it down viciously, wishing it wasn't so skin tight.

Yukio backed away as a wave of killer intent hit him from the vicinity of Kakashi. The two junior ANBU tensed. Kakashi gave a soundless sigh and turned around once he donned his white vest and his gloves.

"What're your names?" he asked, stuffing his gear away.

"Makoto."

"Ichiro."

"Fine. We'll meet tomorrow at five in the morning and go on from there."

The boys looked at each other.

_Those boys –_

_No._

_They aren't really boys._

_But their eyes are so young._

_Not like Yukio's._

_Not like his._

_So –_

_- a chestnut ponytail, warm brown eyes, a horizontal scar –_

Kakashi mentally flinched.

"_I thought you were – um – orphaned. Like Naruto."_

"_What made you think that?" asked Kakashi curiously._

"_Well… there's that look in your eyes….. eye….."_

"_Look?"_

"_Lost and lonely."_

_But the lamps would dim as they would be sucked dry – by bastards like Yukio. _

_Their youth will disappear like mine under disillusionment. To know that life is worthy only what a daimyo is willing to hire you for._

_He should have told them._

_He should have told them – along with his wise words on misusing jutsus or the importance of teamwork – that disillusionment was the work of time._

_And time was the inevitable turning of the wheel of life._

_You shouldn't be here._

_Go home._

_Go back home to your lovers._

_Stay with them while you can._

_You won't lose them._

_But they will lose you._

They parted at the entrance, unsure. Yukio had spent most of the short trip up trying to stir Kakashi with sexual innuendoes and cynical jabs.

"Be careful, boys! He likes it rough!"

"Don't look him in the eye – who knows where he'll put you!"

Kakashi satisfied himself with the thought of wiping him out during a practice session.

That will serve the bastard right.

* * *

**Review after reading~ It's easy payment for free entertainment~!**

**Messages to Readers:**

* * *

dragoness5476 – hmmmmm…. Well keep reading – if you've read any of my previous stuff, you can know what to expect…. Iruka… Genma… Raidou… I like to have a bit for the whole gang… cheers!

Blackrose113 – thank you for reviewing! I like hearing from old reviewers and new reviewers!


	5. Easy to Forget?

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: **Language, disturbing images, angst!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes: **This is a very, very angsty story! It'll have a good ending, but Kakashi isn't going to be fixed for a loooooooonnnnnnngggggg while. Seriously. So just hang in there, folks. Yukio is disturbing. Yes. He is meant to disturb. This is not a YAOI fic although there is inference to man/man sex which is non-con. This is a Kakashi/Sakura fiction and that's what you have to look forward to! **Spring 2011 Edit**

* * *

**Easy to Forget?**

Sakura's glare held no real venom as she laid a healing hand on Sasuke's cut – an accident during sword practice with Naruto. The said blonde was standing by, looking anxious – the art of the katana and the tanto still eluded him.

"Do this more often, Sasuke," the pink-haired medic scolded. "And you'll lose a limb one day – and then – where will you be?"

Sasuke didn't even answer. They all knew he and Naruto would come in next week due to another foolhardy practice session. And the pink-haired medic would be the one to come and heal them. Their training always tended to be more dangerous.

Tsunade, watching from afar, smiled underneath her frown.

_They lack the maturity to be sensei – but given time…._

She sighed.

_Maybe, together, they won't make the mistakes Jiraiya and I did. Sure Sasuke's rehabilitation has been hard but – but now at the top of the hill, there is a future to look forward to._

It's like old times, woman," Jiraiya rumbled suddenly behind her.

Tsunade carefully set her scrolls down, trying to behave unstartled.

"It does."

"Seeing them smile – laughing – being together – a team – it makes you feel hope…."

Tsunade nodded. Then frowned again.

"Team…."

"Eh?"

"They aren't complete, really."

Jiraiya looked at the three young Jounins, who had – working together – proved their worth and the depths of their love on the battlefield.

"Old woman…"

"That brat is missing…"

"Eh?"

"Kakashi."

Jiraiya's face went blank.

"Damn me!"

"Yeah, I know…" Tsunade said. "I've been keeping an eye out – an ear out for him… but – he's been so deeply involved with ANBU – I just forgot the importance he has for the rest of his… he's the last of his line, as well…"

"The village owes the Hatake – owes him a lot."

"Jiji…." Tsunade said thoughtfully. "You wouldn't believe."

"He's been good?"

"Well – he won't ever receive public commendation – but –"

She could still see the files of missions accomplished by the white-haired genius.

_And Sakumo…_

"_I know! Imagine! Taking a shine off of the Sannin. I'm honoured – really! But I've got something better up my sleeve! There's so much potential power hidden in the Hatake – you watch! Between Kakashi and I, we'll bring the glory days back!"_

_I'd do anything for an old friend… Sakumo was a great man. But he was too thoughtful. Too sensitive…. Kakashi has walked a much darker – much lonelier – path than his old man. I'd do anything for an old friend… even to save his loved one from himself…_

_Damn the war…_

"Maybe you should decommission him to regular Jounin duty – how long has he been in ANBU? A year?"

Tsunade jerked her head.

_I'm always astonished at how he can just pick up what I'm thinking… Old man… Hn… _

"No." Tsunade said, turning away to walk down the hall, the sounds of bright laughter followed them in echoes. "Since the beginning of the war. You know the Oto-school incident?"

Jiraiya shuddered.

"Apparently, it was him."

"For sure?"

"Well – I can double check – but I heard it from a very reliable source…."

Jiraiya said nothing for awhile.

Then:

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"Hell."

"I know, Jiji."

"Can't we get him out?"

"If he doesn't pass the test, I'll pull him out easy enough… protocol…"

A silence.

"And if he does?"

"I'll get him out."

"Gods, Tsunade… those kids…."

* * *

He could still see the blood on his hands. One the walls. On his tongue. Clogging his nose. The tang was in his senses. And their eyes – terrified – still – young – asking, "Why?"

_Why, Kakashi, why?_

They reached for him with their stiff limbs – crawling and pleading for mercy – so young. He tried to tell them again and again.

_Disillusionment is the work of time, time is the inevitable turning of the wheel of life._

But they didn't understand. Bounding from his bed, Kakashi fell to the cold boards stifling a sharp cry as his abused body spasmed from the pain. The steady throb of his lower half struck up a symphony with his beautifully striped ribs.

_Damn! Damn!_

Just feeling the slickness of filth and dirt – and gods, dirt – all over his pale skin – the seed and the dried saliva – he threw up again and again the alcohol that burned still in his gut and pounded up through his head to a red-coloured sky.

_Fuck._

_It was like Tsukiyomi all over._

Fifteen minutes later, Kakashi scraped himself off the floor and hobbling around, found a soiled yukata, threw himself into the shower down the hall, with just enough presence of mind to grab his kit. Hands shaking, he managed to jerk out his sponge – his soap and within minutes, he was scrubbing at his sensitive skin maniacally.

_A genius to revive the glory days…. Damn… Father… I'm so… gods… why do I _

_always fuck up this way… what the hell's wrong with me? _

And he saw it.

It was everywhere. Blood stained his hands – red and dark. And no matter how much he scrubbed – no amount would wash the voices away. Nor their eyes. He felt naked before their accusing eyes. And the cramped feeling in his gut unfurled – it was self-loathing and though he stood there alone, he could feel them watching.

Watching. Always watching. And their blood never left his hands.

The tiny shower was comforting – steam surrounded him feebly attempting to warm the inner core of ice deep in his gut. It was so small he felt as if he was enfolded in warm arms.

_Mother. _

_I wonder if this is what it feels like – to be back in mother's arms – or in her belly._

Although even there – even there – the ghosts would still be there to haunt him.

After four hours of standing with the warm water – now stone cold – Kakashi trying to control his chattering teeth and his shivering body, found his way to bed, blindly, in the dark night. Kakashi fumbled with his quilt and pulled it back hastily as he curled into a tight ball.

_I want to die._

* * *

**Review after reading~  
**


	6. Hard to Remember

**Title**: Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings**: VIOLENCE, reference to sexual abuse and other NASTY THINGS! and LANGUAGE! and SEVERE ANGST! and KAKASHI ANGST! and all other Kakashi sadness... plus a few silver linings in between...

**Disclaimer**: I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes**: Hi! After a long wait for you guys, here it is! I'm slowly losing the buffer between posted and written - so hopefully I can fix that in the upcoming weeks - or Reading Week... Anyhow, to all my reviewers, thanks! **Spring 2011 Edit**

* * *

**Hard to Remember**

The morning rose cheerily on the village but not on Kakashi. The silver-haired ninja didn't stir – hiding away from the eye of the sun – he hadn't been out for a walk in Konoha for an age.

He didn't want to see their eyes – their questioning eyes. Hell. He didn't want to – He didn't want to face their questions. Those questions.

_"How's it going?"  
"Where've you been?"  
"What've you been doing?"  
"Aren't you just like your father?"_

He hated those.

_How can I answer them? When I can't even answer myself?_

So he relaxed and slept in very late – late enough to piss Yukio off.

_The bastard can wait – four hours…. Ch._

He fell asleep again – five minutes later, while staring at his Team 7 photograph. The dark eyes of his little Uchiha warrior. The electric blue of the surprising Naruto. And the serene green of Sakura, hiding a fiery temper.

_Those two years hadn't been so bad_, if he remembered correctly. Sakura had been kind to him – when he felt he had not deserved it…. For the first time, he had given her the real attention she had needed – sort of… He hoped – as he fell asleep – that time had been kind to her – as it had not been for him.

Even now, her soft voice fell into his dreams.

_"You shouldn't keep running away from things."_

_He said: "Anyway… it's none of your business."_

_Her face fell at his sharp tone, while he ran his fingers in frustration through his grey hair, spiking it more wildly than usual._

_"Sorry. What I mean to say is…. I'm happy…."_

_"Happy?"_

_"…."_

_"You sure?"_

_"…. Yeah….."_

_A pause._

_"I've got you now… and Naruto…. And when we bring Sasuke back, we'll have him…."_

_"We're friends?" asked Sakura._

_"Ummm… yeah… I guess…."_

_"But you never told us anything about you – nothing! Not even after you revealed your Sharingan… nothing…..remember the first day we met you? We asked you what your hobbies, dreams, likes and dislikes were and you just – avoided it. Like you always do. Friends don't do that. Unless you've got something to hide?"_

_Kakashi stared away over the town._

_Sakura went on._

_"We don't know where you live. Or what your face is like. Or how you got your Sharingan. Or what you were like as a kid. Or your family…." She sighed deep from her heart. "Never mind. I guess old habits die hard."_

_"Yeah. I'm pretty…."_

_"Perhaps it's just as well that Team 7…" Kakashi didn't finish. "Maybe a new sensei would –"_

_Sakura glared at him and he fell silent._

_"No one else is weird enough."_

_He quirked an eyebrow at her._

_"No one else is good enough." She smiled. "You once said to us that we were your proud team."_

_"I know that you're our proud sensei."_

And then – another memory.

_"Yes. I hope you do well. I know you will do well. I know I sometimes don't sound like it but I have faith in you. Did I not always say that you use your chakra more efficiently than most genins?"_

_Sakura._

* * *

"Sakura."

"Iruka?" Sakura jolted out of her thoughts suddenly at the sound of Iruka's voice.

"Have you seen Tsume-san's file anywhere?"

"Mmmmm…. Did you check your inbox?"

A pause.

"Oh. Right. Thanks."

Sakura smiled brightly at her old Academy sensei.

_It's hard to believe – hard to remember – how long ago it has been since I first graduated out of his class… I was – that was eleven years ago? When I was – eh – much younger – innocent – stupid…. Twelve…._

Sakura fingered one of the many scars she had received during the war. This one – great blade slashing down, cutting open her bicep – the pain and the blood –

_Young and innocent no longer, eh, Sakura – but still – although worse for the wear, things have been okay…._

She could still hear Iruka-sensei's voice in her head as smoke dissappated from her banished bunshins during her graduating exam.

_"YOU PASS!"_

And that had been the beginning – the first step onto a wide road which would carry her through pain and suffering and loss – and to Sasuke and Naruto and all those she called friend today. And later on, by Naruto's side – the blonde idiot tied to the post, their sense leaning forward – hands on his slim hips – his grey hair as insane as usual.

_Kakashi._

_Hatake Kakashi._

_Damn._

"Sakura!... Sakura?"

The pink-haired medic jolted to attention at the sound of Iruka's voice.

"Sakura! You okay?"

"Yeah…"

"You looked –"  
"I just remembered sensei –"

"Ehhh -?"

Iruka blinked blankly.

"My sensei – Kakashi –"

"Kakashi…."

Iruka blinked again. And they stood there in a thoughtful silence.

"Is he -?" Iruka stopped.

Sakura's eyes dropped. "I don't know. Kind of embarrassing that I don't know –"

They couldn't verbalize anything in that moment.

"I didn't see his name on any of the death rolls –"

'And we all know how comprehensive they can be," Sakura said with quiet sarcasm.

The list of the dead was quite small but the missing-nin list was pretty long. Certainty was impossible. Many had resurfaced in various parts of the country – beaten, bruised, scarred – forever changed. But still alive. But there were some still to be accounted for.

Chouji's father.

Iwashi.

Ino's sister.

Shikamaru's cousin.

Those were the two she knew sort of distantly. She had thought all of her loved ones to be safe.

_And Kakashi…._

She didn't know. Her security had evaporated in just a few seconds.

_Where had he gone? Where was he during the war?_

She wondered. Behind the awning, on a stool, staring at her bowl of ramen – she still wondered. _How could they have forgotten him – the quirky, serious, funny, strong and mysterious man – for they had forgotten_. Even now – Sasuke on her left, Naruto on her right – they had forgotten.

_"Yes. I hope you do well. I know you will do well. I know I sometimes don't sound like it but I have faith in you. Did I not always say that you use your chakra more efficiently than most genins?"_

_Sakura's eyes filled with tears._

_"Thanks a lot, Kakashi-sensei."_

_She turned._

_"Sakura."_

_"Yes?"_

_"I'm – sorry."_

_There was a pause._

_"I'm - sorry that – I couldn't –"_

_Sakura turned around, a genuine smile on her face._

_"No, that's fine. What better teacher could I have than Tsunade? If Naruto's being taught by Jiraiya and Sasuke by Orochimaru I better be on the top of my form too! I like you, sensei, but_ _your face is always one that is lacking enthusiasm…."_

_She giggled and then stopped._

_"Who's teaching you?"_

_Kakashi stared. Then smiled._

_"My father, I guess."_

_Then, nodding farewell, he walked down the street._

_"Good luck, Kakashi-sensei!" _

_She called. He waved back nonchalantly and then turned the corner._

_Yes. I hope you do well. I know you will do well. I know I sometimes don't sound like it but I have faith in you_

_I have faith in you._

_Sakura._

_Sakura._

"SAKURA!"

Sakura jumped and whacked the blonde.

"YOU IDIOT KITSUNE!"

"But, Sakura-chan!" whimpered Naruto rubbing his head melodramatically.

"I was thinking, baka! Don't you know what that means?"

Sasuke snorted.

"As if he knows what THAT is…"

But the dark-haired Uchiha's voice was fond.

"SASUKE-TEME!"

Naruto started to beat on his black-haired partner. Sakura shoved them apart.

_How could I have missed him?_

Suddenly she was back – oh – way back when they were so young – so immature – so lost – and with no sense of teamwork. His only gift to them: teamwork.

Naruto and Sasuke racing towards each other – Sasuke with the chidori chirping – sparking – in his hand – the lethal lightning sword arm invented by Konoha's number one tensai technician nin. And Naruto – a blue ball of chakra in his hand – the gift of the great pervert Sannin, Jiraiya.

And they couldn't stop. As unstoppable as time.

And she –

She in her weakness couldn't stop

she couldn't stop them –

she couldn't stop herself –

just as they were set on a path, she ran in between them

just so they would stop.

Suddenly, it wasn't so funny.

_Damn_ – the boys, thought.

And then two strong arms shot out and swung them around – whirling them away.

And she was safe.

_I'm safe._

_Don't worry, Sakura!_

Eyes crinkling into a crescent from a hidden smile.

"Sakura. You all right – you seem – out of it –"

"And you aren't?" asked Sasuke with a grin but his eyes were worried. "ARE you okay, Sakura?"  
Sakura sighed. "I was just thinking."

"Of what – of what?" asked the constantly hyper blonde.

"Of that time when you guys were always fighting – when you fought on the roof and I – couldn't stop you guys – but he did – and we forgot all he did for us…."

"Ehhh?"

_Naruto's so clueless…._ And on this thought, Sasuke froze, staring at his steaming ramen, half-eaten.

"Kakashi-sensei," he said softly.

"Kakashi…." Naruto's eyes widened in shock.

His blue eyes soft in remembrance.

"Kakashi-sensei…."

A pause.

Silence.

"Fuck."

Another pause.

"How could I forget?"

Sasuke glared at his ramen bowl, agreeing with Naruto.

_How could I forget the man who worked so hard to bring me back?_

Iruka found them still there – an hour later, staring morosely at their ramen bowls.

"What's up?"

Silence. Iruka stared. All day, his co-worker had been silent – something odd for a normally cheerful Sakura. He had thought it was a phase but now –

_Was it spreading? Is it about -?_

The number one hyperactive ninja of Konoha stirred first. Slamming his hand down in determination onto the ramen's nicked counter, rattling the stone cold bowls of soup.

"We'll just have to find him! No problem for the man to be Hokage!"

Sakura and Sasuke jolted out of their dark thoughts and stared blankly at Naruto. The pause was epic and the moment was heroic.

"But – FIRST!" Naruto exclaimed. "Ramen! Three new bowls, sir! Straight up!" Iruka, Sasuke and Sakura rolled their eyes.

When they arrived at the Hokage's newly renovated office, they found the blonde, busty woman glaring at several pages in a slim file.

* * *

_They aren't so bad… might last a little while longer…._

Kakashi musing on the two newbies felt that now familiar twist in his gut. He turned his mind quickly away – and remembered another equally depressing moment.

He was writing his annual psychological disorder test. He had been extra careful, this time around. The day before, he had spent almost all of his time behind locked doors, nesting in his bed, relaxing the mind.

And he had made a trip to the memorial – very early in the morning – before anybody else – when the birds were just starting to chirp sleepily – the sky just beginning to lighten – the air cold and general dampness everywhere.

The next day, he arrived on time for his test – completely rested in body and with a thick protective cover of serenity – and Obito – over his mind.

Although his ivory mask had been laid aside, Kakashi felt as if he were another – it wasn't him. He wasn't who he was – at least for the length of the test.

It was a mantra he kept in mind – repetitively – over and over and over again.

_It isn't me._

He thought it every time he killed someone.

_It isn't me._

He had thought it – at all those funerals – when it was so damn hard to follow the ninja rule #25.

_It isn't me._

He had successfully used it – all those years he had hid in ANBU – before the Hokage dragged him out of the squad.

_It isn't me._

And now he answered them – the probing panel asking uncomfortable questions – and wrote the test afterwards with great aplomb. After all, he had – at the age of fourteen – been one of the first to write the essay. Ibiki had been there, too. Taking it with him.

And now, Ibiki, was one of the examiners.

Kakashi pushed any stress away.

_It wasn't me._

Solidly he looked at the paint splotches and wrote, 'flowers', 'sun', 'couple kissing' and 'dog'. The right answers just wrote themselves as if guided by the Sharingan. It was so easy. It was a farce. After all – he had written it countless times before.

But Ibiki's presence….

_Did – was the Hokage trying to get him out?_

_Again?_

It seemed like only yesterday that he was taking this same test – twelve years ago….

The scritch-scritching of pen on the papers in the room, seemed to overwhelm the young Kakashi. His raw nerves – it had been a late night – flinching from the oppressive stars of Ibiki's interrogation team. An un-ranked mission, chasing three S-class criminals, a chase which had just ended at three in the morning with a brutal, ugly fight –

And he didn't know who had been in the right.

_The three kunoichi – or me?_

He could feel the eyes watching him – preying on his keyed up mind – but somehow he managed to finish till the last page. He stared at the large mirror which took up one side of the room, ostentatiously.

Who's behind the mirror, I wonder?

He breathlessly awaited the results. Standing at attention in the hallway. The door opened – and Ibiki came down the hall – his tread heavy, his great coat flapping ominously. Kakashi saw a black crow – _what?_

He blinked. It was only Ibiki with a solemn look on his face. Ibiki gave ANBU Hound a once over, noticing the tense stance. His dark eyes missed little. Kakashi glared back, hiding uncertainty.

_What does he see?_

Ibiki's eyes didn't miss much. He saw a young man – twenty years old? – tense – coiled – a hunter ready to strike – wiry, tough, slim – a white-haired warrior. Ibiki didn't see a man – he saw a wolf hound at bay.

And yet – ANBU Hound's eyes were dark and unfathomable. Like some sort of black well – hiding secrets, hiding thoughts, hiding emotions – hiding the truth.

Ibiki hated secrets.

"You passed, ANBU," Ibiki said dryly, choking over the formality.

There was much unspoken. He wanted to say other things, but Kakashi's aloof stance didn't allow for any familiarity. It was hard to remember how much younger Kakashi was compared to him….

Ibiki wanted to say….

"You shouldn't be here."

"The Hokage isn't pleased."

He said instead, "Good luck, shinobi."

Years later, looking at Yukio grading the reports, Kakashi remembered the look on Ibiki's face – a look mirrored just a few days ago. Kakashi turned and stared at the boughs of green scraping mournfully at the glad of the ANBU common room's only window.

_What was it? Pain? No. Horror, more like._

Against all odds, he had passed the test yet again, as he had so many years ago, over and over again. But a part of him wondered.

A part of him wondered whether today – one of these days – the Hokage would come down the hallway – instead of Ibiki – and it wouldn't be Ibiki saying "You passed, ANBU – good luck, shinobi" with all the accompanying undertones. It would be the kage to say, "You are released from service, Kakashi. I know – I know – but this is best for you."

A pair of strong, scarred hands wrapped around his waist and a pair of hot lips pressed against his clothed neck. One minute Kakashi was filling out his report, the next Yuko was pummeled against the wall, dodging a flying table.

"Don't ever touch me again, fucking bastard!" snarled Kakashi, his dark eye feral, his red Sharingan spinning dangerously.

"What?" Yukio snickered. "You didn't enjoy last night – bitch?"

Kakashi's fist buried itself in Yukio's belly, and the man coughed out blood.

"Fuck!" Yukio gasped.

Kakashi's lips turned up in a parody of a smile.

"That's for last night," he said.

And then slammed his teammate twice as hard against the wall with added chakra within his fists. His knee followed in tandem, past Yukio's hands to bury itself in his – teammate's? – this wasn't a teammate – enemy's groin.

Kakashi pulled back only slightly to add impact to his following fist – thunk! – Yukio's head whapped into the wall, his eye darkening with a large bruise, CRACK! As Kakashi broke his teammate's nose, Yukio's bruised lips drew back in a twisted grin.

He deserved this.

Falling to the floor bonelessly, watching Kakashi's feet pull away, he savoured the moment.

He deserved this. He welcomed the dark.

It took Takana, Neko and four other ANBU operatives to drag Kakashi away – before he kicked his partner to death. On the one hand they felt sympathy for the white-haired Hound. Yukio WAS a bastard. But…. Hatake-sama had never reacted like this before…. It was unheard of. And just after passing an exam with flying colours!

They hated the not knowing.

Ibiki found Kakashi alone in a waiting room glaring at the wall, fists clenched, muscles tensed – coiled and ready – like a rabid dog – for a fight.

It was only two – three? – days ago, he had met this man in the hallway – bearing (in Ibiki's point of view) unfortunate news – "You passed, shinobi, good luck."

Inside – he had bottled the words.

"You shouldn't be here."

"The Hokage isn't pleased."

This wasn't the Sandaime – it was the Godaime, now. And the tensions of war – like before – between Leaf and Rock – had ended but unfortunately, the effects of the war between Leaf and Sound had been just as debilitating. Statisticians – stats – had won the day and Tsunade had surrendered. Temporarily. To be sure.

Kakashi would stay.

Ibiki knew, though – looking at the simmering white-haired shinobi before him – Ibiki knew that Kakashi's ANBU days were now counted. It was only a matter of time. It didn't matter that the Copy Nin had successfully passed – faked his way through – the psychoanalysis exams.

The words popped out then – unchangeable and lost to the wind. Like pearls.

"You shouldn't be here," the scarred Jounin examiner said – trying to soften his raspy voice.

Kakashi knew what he was doing. He knew Kakashi knew what he was doing.

"Kakashi…."

His movements were slow and deliberate – meant not to excite. A hand brushed across Kakashi's bare shoulder. The ANBU swirl. Hard fingers flung his away. Ibiki nearly reeled from the force of the following blow to his shoulder.

"Don't. Fucking. Touch. Me."

Ibiki stood firm as wave upon wave of killing intent hit him.

"You need help, Hatake," Ibiki said.

Kakashi didn't respond.

"ANBU!" Ibiki barked.

Kakashi looked up.

"Look at you. Do you even know who you are?" Ibiki asked, dark eyes mesmerizing.

"It's none of your business."

Kakashi's twitching jaw stilled as a mask descended over his face – more obscure then his fabric one.

"Do you even know what you're fighting for?" Ibiki asked, pity clearly in his eyes. Kakashi's eyes turned away.

"Of course. What kind of question is that? I fight for the Leaf – I've been doing that ALL my life!"

Ibiki looked down. _All his life – that is true. Tragic. All his life – until he had no life of his own._

"Anyway – what right have you to – to say anything?" Kakashi continued on – trying hard to keep his voice neutral.

_Ninja Rule 25._

_Ninja Rule 25._

A shinobi must not show emotion.

A man bearing down on him onto the chidori.

_Ninja Rule 25._

A little girl with blue lips in her truckle bed.

_Ninja Rule 25._

Sasuke leaving.

_Ninja Rule 25._

The Yondaime gone in a white flash.

_Ninja Rule 25._

Rin's funereal.

_Ninja Rule 25._

Obito under a rock.

_Ninja Rule 25._

His father lying in his study – a tanto in his guts.

_Ninja Rule 25._

His mother's grave.

_Mother._

"You know nothing. You can never know –" Kakashi stopped.

But for once – in a flash – his eyes said it all. Then dark shrouded them. Ibiki knew just one iota – and suddenly didn't want to know more.

"You know nothing," masked lips breathed again into the suddenly still air.

When Ibiki looked up, Kakashi was gone.

* * *

**Review after reading~ It's easy payment for free entertainment~!**

**Messages to Readers:**

**NEXT EPISODE: The response of Team 7? What a new mission? We need to find Kaka-sensei, screams Naruto. But there are other things to worry over.**

**Author's Response to Reviews~**

ChidoriManiac: will he pass? Read on!

Reius Devirix: Glad you enjoy, I hope you'll like this installment!

Kira-Reen: I'm sorry about the disjointed style - but you did get the point! There's going to be a little more of it in this chapter and then as Team 7 approach the problem - a more conventional approach... in any case, glad you like!

Hi and Mandy543: Thanks! Sorry about the wait - but school and life march forward, unstoppable... and if you like Kakashi, there's always other Kaka fics to read in my profile while you wait!

ryn: thanks! happy that you think it's amazing!

Lady Yukina: don't worry, Sakura sometime will get up to do something... sometime... (shifty-eyed) not any time soon though...

anonymous: I love reviews! Thanks! No worries - I can't stop writing...

Jemiul: Long time, no see! I'm glad you're enjoying it!

BlackRose113: Yep, all ANBU have to take a test... who says so? Kakashidiot does! hahaha! yep. Kakashi needs to pass the psychoanalyzation test to continue in ANBU... will he pass? read on!

Subakun-sensei: Kakashi is really down. But he's gotta hit rock bottom before getting up... so here goes...


	7. Lost Forever?

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: **This chapter does contain crackfiction and VIOLENCE! And... umm... flashbacks and thoughts within flashbacks and thoughts... I hope you don't get confused!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, … probably just as well…. neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes: **TO ALL NICE REVIEWERS! THANK YOU! ARIGATO DOMO! and all that! And if you haven't reviewed as yet, please! Please do! I enjoy hearing rants and things like that! SO ANYWAY! REVIEW IF YOU HAVEN'T YET!

* * *

**Lost Forever**

"Whhaattt!" Naruto's bellow could be heard throughout the entire village of Konoha.

It reverberated down to the dungeons where countless criminals shook their fists and swore – "Damn that Uzumaki brat!" It flew to the heavens where the crows cawed "Idiot! Idiot!" And the cry filtered through glass panes to Iruka in a counselling room – where he smiled – warming his patient's heart.

Even Kakashi heard it – hidden under his blankets once again. And a tiny part of him was warm for awhile - thinking, "Yep, that's Uzumaki Naruto for you. The number one noisy and hyperactive ninja, who never fails to surprise you…. some things haven't changed, I see…."

* * *

"What do you mean it's 'classified'? How can Baka-Sensei BE classified? What the hell?"

"NARUTO!" Sakura bellowed, punching her tall teammate's arm.

Sasuke shut his eyes and murmured, "Be quiet, dobe. Let Tsunade-sama finish her piece."

Team 7 stared at Tsunade. The Fifth Hokage – the Godaime of Konoha – unfazed placed her elbows on the worn wooden desk and shut her eyes.

"I can't tell you much – I shouldn't be saying anything, but your sensei is right now with a specialized unit of nins…."

"Specialized?" asked Naruto, blinking.

_What a blonde!_ Sakura sighed in disgust.

"You mean, ANBU, right, Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade merely inclined her head and said nothing, face inscrutable.

"Or something even more specialized than ANBU?" asked Sasuke.

Naruto's face fell as he realized what was not being said.

"You said it," Tsunade sighed theatrically, shrugging her shoulders. "Not me."

"How can a person stay in there so long?" asked Sakura, as she saw her patient's faces pass before her eyes.

_The eyes. They were always so dead._

It was her job to not only heal them physically – but often, with Iruka, she would sit with them trying to help them learn to put the pieces of a normal life back together.

Trying was the operative word. It didn't always work.

_How many times have I walked into an apartment with a pool of blood on the floor? Not you too, Kaka-sensei…._

Sakura battled hard to keep the tears from coming.

_Kaka-sensei….  
_

"Sakura," Naruto's hand squeezed her shoulders, his bright blue eyes so full of understanding, they cried too. "We'll get him back! I'll get him back, I promise."

It was déjà vu. It was as if it were only yesterday that he was promising her to bring Sasuke back.

And he had.

"Sakura."

_But this time it isn't Sasuke – it's our sensei. To walk such a path alone….  
_

She could remember his words to her as they bid each other farewell:

_"We don't know where you live. Or what your face is like. Or how you got your Sharingan. Or what you were like as a kid. Or your family…." She sighed deep from her heart. "Never mind. I guess old habits die hard."_

_"Yeah. I'm pretty…."_

_What had he meant to say? _Sakura wondered.

"_Perhaps it's just as well that Team 7…" Kakashi didn't finish. "Maybe a new sensei would –"_

_Sakura glared at him and he fell silent._

"_No one else is weird enough."_

_He quirked an eyebrow at her._

"_No one else is good enough." She smiled. "You once said to us that we were your proud team."_

_But he was - _

"_I know that you're our proud sensei."_

_And although his mask covered his face, for a moment, Sakura saw happiness and content on his face. His eyes curved up in crescents. _

_His eyes were always sad, apathetic and unreadable. Don't let them lose their fire…._

"Sakura."

Sakura looked up into dark eyes.

Another pair of unreadable dark eyes. Sasuke's lips turned up into a small smile – which reached up and warmed his gaze.

"Don't worry. Naruto isn't alone, right? We'll find him – and bring him back."

A pause.

"Like you did for me."

Another pause.

"We owe him – so much."

Tsunade coughed.

"Well – on the one hand, I applaud you – but –" She straightened, putting on her stern face. "You guys are going to be busy in the next few days."

"Whhaattt theee heellll?"

* * *

Five minutes later, Tsunade sat back, huffing slightly, thinking that she was too old for this – and glaring at Team 7.

"Forget him – and focus on this mission! I pulled this out specially for you!"

She waved the mission scroll. Team 7 perked up at the sight of an 'A'.

"An A-rank. Very, very important that you don't fuck this up."

Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura gulped simultaneously.

"The mission is –" Tsunade said solemnly. "Taking these two scrolls to Sand and to Mist to be signed by the kages of the Hidden Villages."

Konoha jumped as a shrill cry reverberated from Tsunade's office.

"Whhhaaattt!"

* * *

A day later on their way to Sand, Naruto was still complaining.

"Idiot old hag! Just you watch! It'll be a damn boring mission better suited for Genins – we'll be wasting our talents when we should be looking for Kaka-sensei!"

Sakura sighed.

"If he wanted to be found he'd have found us easily enough - I don't think finding him will work."

Naruto blinked than turned away with a sniff.

"I'll find Baka-sensei and knock some sense into him – just you wait and see! And the old hag too!"

Sasuke smirked as he watched Sakura's eyes harden in response to Naruto's enthusiasm.

_So this is the power that brought me home… May we bring Kakashi-sensei back too! I owe him – more than I want to admit. _

"- Eh, Sasuke?" asked Naruto, punching his teammate on the arm.

"Eh? What did you say, idiot?"

"GAAAAAAAHHHHH! Don't pull Kaka-sensei's attitude on me!"

"Guys!" snapped Sakura, glaring at the two young men, with a stern, 'don't-mess-with-me-it's-too-early-in-the-morning' look.

"Eeeep!" Naruto froze mid-punch.

Sasuke flipped up to a tree.

"Race you to Sand, dead last!"

"SASUKE-TEME!"

* * *

The trip to Sand took a day and a half for the energetic Team 7. They knew their way well – how many times had they traveled this road ever since that first time when Kakashi had led Naruto, Sakura and Temari to Sand to back up Gaara – the Kazekage?

Sakura sighed as she remembered their hasty entrance into Kankuuro's sick room.

_And Obaa-san had mistaken Kakashi for – White something or the other…. _

_Obaa-san…_

_Kaka-sensei…._

_Who was it that she thought you were?_

Before they knew it, the hidden paths, unfolding before them, revealed thinning trees, then a sandy wasteland. Eventually, they reached a broad cliff face – seemingly flat, but in reality terraced with various walled sentinels protecting the thin walkway into the village. For a hidden village – it was more hidden than most.

Walking through the town, after showing their passes, Team Kakashi was glad to note that reports had been true – Sand was recuperating well. Already the visible traces of war had disappeared – the rubble and the trenches.

As they paused before the Kage's office, the sound of Temari and Kankuuro nattering at each other told Team 7 that for Sunagakure, it was business as usual.

"It was stupid, that's what it was! Stupid! Absolutely –"  
"Temari… chill, 'kay? I'm fine – just –"  
"Just totally screwed, that's what! Never take a bet like that again!"  
"But – you've done that kind of thing –"  
"NOT on a mission!"  
"Ehh…"  
"Temari."  
"Why – I – (whap) – put – (whap) – up with you – (whack) –"  
"Temari."  
" – I – (whap) – don't know. You're so – troublesome!"  
"Temari."  
"Gyah hahahaha! You're talking like him now – that's rich, really rich – ACK!"

There was a silence followed by Gaara's deadpan voice – with just a hint of laughter.

"Temari."

A pause.

"Heeeeelllllp!"

"Temari. Go get a medic before he dies on us…"

At this point, Sakura burst in, followed closely by Naruto. The blonde haired young adult cracked up in maniacal laughter. Sasuke trailed in trying to give the meeting some semblance of order.

Gaara was sitting stiffly in his chair, with a small smirk on his face. Kankuuro's face was firmly stuck in the floorboards – Sakura rushed over to him. Naruto just stood there and laughed while Temari sniffed, resettling her fan across her back.

Sasuke stood there and blinked.

"Sakura! Just the person I need!" Temari smiled. "It's Kankuuro…"  
"What happened?" asked Sakura – poking at several skull bruises expertly. "Other than your fan, that is…"  
"Dune jumping."  
"Eh?"  
"Dune jumping."

Naruto burst out laughing again. Sakura relieved some fo Kankuuro's more 'dangerous' cuts and Gaara just watched her with some relief.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, they were all seated in GAara's private eating room – seated at a table, sipping at their tea from a battered tea set.

Gaara laid down the scroll and without further ado, pulling his brush and ink bottle to him, signed his name.

"Ehhhh…. What's that?" asked Naruto, squinting at the heavily decorated scroll.

"Naruto!" screeched Sakura smacking the blonde man's face into the table.

The tea cups rattled, the table legs creaked.

Kankuuro gulped.

"You'd THINK a Jounin would know better," the scary medic berated her maverick teammate.

"Hmph. Idiot. As usual.

Gaara looked up with a smile.

"Don't worry. It's okay – Naruto, it's a treaty between Leaf and Sound – and when you carry it to Cloud – it will be a treaty between us three – to signify the end of war."

Naruto's eyes widened with respect.

"We need a camera…." Temari said to Sakura under her breath.

Naruto looked slightly mollified.

"Well, then – I guess I understand – but still – isn't our sensei more important than any old treaty?"

"Your sensei?" asked Kankuuro.

Temari's eyes widened.

"Hatake-san?"

Suddenly she was back – it seemed like ages ago when they had politely 'exchanged words' on the borders of Sand and Rock.

And the kiss.

_She was placing a kiss on his lips. His lips – neither too thin, nor too full. Just perfect. Perfectly placed, Open, warm and inviting. Tasting of eggs and rice. Normal. Beautiful in perfection but a short-lived moment. _

_And now he was gone?_

"Is something wrong?" she asked, frowning.

_I feel sorry for them – to lose a friend. To lose a sensei like him. A famous ninja with a name that was known even afar off. How could they have forgotten? But then… time does funny things. War separates and anxiety can do much damage to tenuous relationships such as theirs.  
_

"He's not been seen around for an age, that Baka-sensei!" growled Naruto. "When I find him…."

Sasuke snorted.

"Feh." He paused. "Easier said than done. Our sensei seems to be in some sort of specialized unit… a specialized ANBU unit. Or so we think…"

"I haven't seen him around," Kankuuro said. "ANBU, eh?"

"ANBU…" Temari shuddered.

"I'm worried, too," admitted Sakura. "I've seen –" She stopped.

Gaara frowned. Sasuke and Naruto looked at him expectantly. The solemn young man lifted his eyes in thought.

"Tall? Silver-grey hair? Dogs?"

"Yeah! Yeah! You've seen sensei?" asked Naruto – blue eyes shinging with excitement and hope.

Gaara looked down at the brown liquid thoughtfully – his mind suddenly back to that one dark night.

* * *

"_Kazekage!"_

_That was the last thing he heard before the tense silent forest blew erupted. Ripping through the trees, the explosion flung rocks, earth and shinobi apart._

_But he was young, resilient (although low on chakra) and desperate._

_So he survived. Yet again._

_The dark forest revealed in eye-blinding white, once again regained its cloak of midnight. He stood there – shivering in shock and exhaustion – wondering how the hell to find the unit again._

* * *

_If I can EVER find them. _

_If there IS something to be found._

* * *

_Then, without a sound, a kunai in a black gloved hand descended – pinning Gaara defencelessly against a tree – at his throat. There was a tense moment of heart beats and panic – dark eyes met in one moment of full knowledge. He saved the moment – the blood sliding down his neck to soak into his collar._

_For a moment, there was silence. _

_Broken by a thousand birds flying overhead._

_Very fast._

_Chip Chip Chip Chip _

_For a moment, the sky lightened – he wondered for a split second._

_Was the sun already up? No._

_It was a pale light – flickering – not pale and steady like the moon either – as it's round face rolled out from behind the clouds._

_Suddenly, in that moment, he was back in the Chuunin Exam – that fateful day – when he first tasted failure. _

_The day that he had learned the truth. That the power of love makes you stronger._

_Naruto. Sasuke.  
_

_A chirping sound – and a slice into his dark tomb. Now before him – that jutsu, puncturing through flesh and bone. The kunai fell unheeded. _

_It could have been him. That was the shock._

_Ribs cracking, blood spattering forward – the taste of tang. Withdrawing from the now eviscerated chest, the black glove pulled away, pulling out an ivory katana without hesitation._

_The first shinobi, falling away, gave him a full view of the moonlit clearing, filled with dark shadows – darting here and there – faster than the eye could see._

_But for the white-haired, white masked hunter, they were easy prey._

_Moonlight reflected the soundless downward swing of the blade. As it fell, chakra poured out – not only along the blade (an unnerving sight) – but chakra glow streaked out behind the ANBU._

_For a moment, he thought – in a flight of fancy – it reminded him of the streak a burning stick leaves behind in the air before extinguishing. _

_This chakra streamed from black-gloved arms, tightly clad legs – a well-defined torso. And from the wildly waving white hair._

_Even to him – he who thought he'd seen everything – been everything – it seemed unnatural._

_The white chakra – the presence of such a vicious capable killer – fear prickled his skin as a heavy killing intent filled the clearing – filled his senses._

_He shivered._

_The pale shoulder turning with the swing revealed the ANBU Leaf swirl._

_In truth, it brought little relief._

_Killers are killers. Although, it's good to know he's on my side. To go up against him….  
_

_The blade swung down – smooth and sharp – bursting through shoulder bone, flesh, ribs and down, sideways through the heart. Chakra cut through the body like a knife through butter. _

_Two dark shadows converged on the Leaf ANBU – but one never made it – disappearing under a mass of fur, claws and fangs, which leapt from a bush to the left._

_A nin-dog – huge, wild – nothing like Akamaru. _

_Was it even a dog?  
_

_By the time the white blade had bisected the third enemy nin, the prone ninja was easy prey – totally crippled by bloody fangs. _

_The fifth Oto-nin bolted, followed by two other dogs._

"_I'll take care of it," he said, hesitantly._

_The white-haired ANBU didn't even reply, as he cut off two of the heads - somewhere three dogs were howling._

_The ANBU turned after he had efficiently packed the heads away in a canvas bag. Flat eyes glittered from behind the mask. _

_No words were said – but only a bow._

_The man darted away._

_Gaara shuddered._

"_Kazekage! Kazekage!"_

"_I found him!"_

"_He's safe! Thank the kami!"_

"_By the gods – look at this mess!"_

_They found him in the clearing, still standing there, frozen._

"Gaara!"

"Yo! YO! GAAARRRAAAA!"

Gaara looked up and blinked.

He shut his eyes again. They were all staring at him expectantly.

He sighed.

"Even if you find him – I don't think he'd be the one you remember. It happens. It would best to let him go."

Sakura shivered.

"Sensei…."

"You sensei is gone."

"WWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTT!"

"NARUTO! Show respect, baka!"

"Naruto is right."

"Sasuke?"

"Sakura. Naruto brought me back. So did he. So did you. Nobody is lost case."

"Ermmm…" Kankuuro mumbled. Temari pinched him under the table.

"It is true that persistence is a good trait for a ninja… but…. ANBU…"

Gaara said nothing.

"Well…. Naruto is also right. Perhaps, you can do for him, what you did for me. For Neji. For us all… but it will be a long uphill fight. Last I saw him, he was ANBU alright. And a very good one. It was – I couldn't connect him with your sensei for a long time…. But in a roundabout way, I found that the only two people who can complete this assassination jutsu – what is it… Chidori… Raikiri… is Sasuke and his sensei, Kakashi-sama…."

He stopped.

"He's a great ninja. But Tsunade told me, that the past holds too much meaning for him. But such a great name as his – his face and his attributes – who can blame him… right?"

Temari shifted.

"I always wanted to know why Oba-san attacked him the way she did way back when he came with you guys to heal Kankuuro…"

"Yeah… me too," Sakura nodded.  
"Eh? What did she call him?"

"White Fang."

"White Fang. I think I've heard that name before…" Sasuke frowned. "My Father mentioned it with disdain… but then Father…. He was not an easy man to please."

"Same here," snorted Temari, breaking the solemn moment. "It was always, 'Temari, get the fan out of here' or 'Temari, what the hell… you call that a win?"

"Hmmmm…. My dad was just glad I got into the Academy at all," Sakura said. "But then he got worried about me a lot…"

"Eh…." Naruto scrunched his nose. "Yeah… Iruka-sensei was always on my case."

"And he isn't now?"

"KANKUURO!"

"C'mon! Every time I enter Konoha, you know what I hear? It's always SOMEONE calling 'NARUTO!' And it's most often Iruka-san… trust me… I won the bet last time – ask Temari…"

"That was chance, punk… it won't happen again next time!"

"You wanna bet.?"

The meeting ended up with a friendly, not-so-friendly tussle between Naruto and Kankuuro. Sasuke just stared. Sakura broke it up.

* * *

As they watched Team 7 depart the next day in the early morning, Temari, Gaara and Kankuuro smiled. Those ninja always lifted your spirits.

Naruto. Sakura. Even Sasuke.

From their vantage point on the wall, they could see Naruto already beating on Sasuke – Sakura was at her boiling point. Her shriek blasted back to them.

"Do you think it'll be okay?" asked Temari.

"The mission?" Kankuuro asked. "Sure."

"No, dummy… finding Kakashi-san…"

"You've got a soft spot for him, don't you…"

"Shut up, Kankuuro."

"It'll be okay."

The two siblings broke apart at Gaara's soft voice.

"It's their luck, isn't it? You watch. It'll turn out okay…"

But still, it couldn't leave his mind.

The flat eyes and the white mask.

* * *

**Review after reading~ It's easy payment for free entertainment~!**

**Message to Readers:**

_Naruto: (hacking away at an enemy nin)What the hell... I thought the hag said this was a postman type of mission._

_Sasuke: (hacking away at an enemy nin) No... that was you who said that!_

_Sakura: (hacking away at an enemy nin) Shut up, idiots! We're in serious trouble! _

_Sasuke: Aren't we always?_

_Naruto: We'll never find Kakashi-sama at this rate!_

_Sakura: Stop thinking about that! Right now we have to live?_

_SLASH!_

_Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto: ... eh?..._

_Silhoette stands up, all you see is an ivory katana and a shock of silver-grey hair._

_TROUBLE ON A MISSION! UNEXPECTED ALLY!_

**Author's Replies to Reviews~**

kaki-kun: Glad you like Kakashi ANBU-ness. It's going to last for a bit, because, well... he's just so hot that way!

nannon: sorry for the depressing-ness! but I just have been wallowing in angsty-Kakashi stuff... so good. but of course, there's a silver lining! it'll start to look up... just not yet...

een nihc: yes. suffering. the dark side of the force... anyway, thanks for the review, this chapter can neither be called angsty nor cheery. It's your standard Kakashidiot fare: tragi-comedy!

zenna: oh! it's nice to hear from you, too! glad you like the plot and stuff. it hasn't gotten complicated yet - but it will! it will!

shadowdragonboss: thanks! glad you're looking forward to it! what with the pathetic fillers recently in the anime, my fav fanfic writers have been keeping me afloat... yeah...

sakurabell: cool! a new reviewer! well, yes. this is definitely going to be a saku/kaka but I believe good relationships start with little things and then just snowball... hang in there! they'll eventually meet again!

shatterdheart and abby: here's the update! nice and long! hope you enjoy!

subakun-sensei: hmmm... yeah... I hope to give everybody a little piece in this fic. Ibiki's time. This chapter has alot to deal with Team 7 and Sand... (oops! I'm getting ahead of myself here!)... anyway! yes! angst and sadness! glad you like!

Jemiul: glad you're enjoying this! I hope you like this upcoming chapter.

blackrose113: glad you're enjoying this! hmmm... did Kakashi ever see Team 7 after the war... I'm thinking maybe from a great distance - but certainly not close up or to speak to. He never MET them after the war in my fic. Because he's screwed up! hahaha! yeah! don't worry though! they'll meet up! and sooner maybe than you'll imagine!


	8. Dark Eyes

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: **Violence, Reference to Non-Con

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes**: My brother just introduced me to this singer called Moby. I know a lot of you may know him, but I had heard of him, but never heard him, before. So I just discovered his song Porcelain. If you haven't listened to it, go download it right now! It's very good and the last line of this fic is an important line of the song. Is this a song fic, then, I'm not sure..._**  
**_

Okay, so this is a KakaSaku fic, some people might think it's rather worrisome, but hey, if you don't like, you don't have to read it. I haven't had any flamers, but I'm just putting that observation out there. Constructive criticism, though, is very welcome.

I also want to warn you guys that I do tend to have fun putting chapters in with just talking and humor and stuff. I hope you guys stick with me through those times. Basically I try to show that there are other situations in the world at the same time, that other people are still living and stuff. Also, because angst is so much better when there's something to compare it to. That's my rationale. I myself dislike filler episodes, but ALL of my chapters hopefully further the plot, even if it is only to provide background atmospheres.

ALSO, for those who may be wondering, what's up with Kakashi and Yukio? Yes. There's a destructive relationship there. Which you can read about more indepth in my version of this story, which as a R-rated chappie called 'Dirt', which you can read at your own risk.

**Spring 2011 Edit**

* * *

**Dark Eyes**

Looking down over the cliff's edge, at the mist covered forest spreading out below their feet Team 7 drew a deep breath of content. Unlike the wilderness of Sand,the small green island- Water Country - reminded the three young Jounins of their home town.

"Aaaa! This seems like home!" Naruto exclaimed, stretching up and putting his hands behind his head.

"Baka! Keep it down! Our mission isn't done yet!" Sakura hissed.

"Keep up your guard, idiot! No relaxing till we get home."

Sasuke looked nervously, twitched his head to the right and froze imperceptibly. Three fingers up and then down.

"Yeah, yeah, bastard. Paranoid as usual…"

Sakura was miming 'cut-your-throat'. To no avail.

"You guys need to relax! "You know. Calm down."

Sasuke jerked out two kunai. Sakura followed suit.

"Like I said – this is gonna be a piece of – "

THUD! Six shuriken fell at Sasuke's, Sakura's and Naruto's feet. The tense silence was broken by Naruto's screech.

"What the FUCK!"

Six nins jumped out of the trees – with the nod of his head, Sasuke, followed closely by Sakura ran headlong down the steep cliff – Naruto madly scrambled after them.

"Hey! Wait up!"

His voice was drowned by a BOOM! Sasuke's two explosion tags took out part of the cliff – and only two shinobi.

"Six chakra signatures," he rapped out sternly. "Coming at us from all sides. Fuck. They're good."

"OWWWW! That hurt!"

Naruto hunched on the ground, rubbing a swelling bum on his head.

"Pull yourself together!" Sakura barked.

"Stop behaving like a brat – and get serious!"

Naruto stood up, growling.

"Those bastards! Slowing us down! HOW THE FUCK DARE THEY!"

"Well…" Sasuke sighed to Sakura. "At least he's revved up now…"

Sakura giggled – then her face got serious.

"Who are these guys?"

Her question remained unanswered as the three Leaf Jounins were attacked simultaneously from all sides.

"Guh!" Naruto reeled back, pulling out a kunai from his shoulder. "These guys are good."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Team 7 cut down the numbers to three – but in reality, the odds weren't that good. Sasuke had a weak ankle; Sakura hadn't been able to totally alleviate the sprain he had incurred from a trip. Naruto had long disappeared – that worried Sakura even more. Separating from one's team was never a good idea.

"The idiot better be okay…" huffed Sasuke.

Sakura finally managed to fall near enough to her opponent – dodging his vicious long range needle attack – gathering her chakra quickly; she socked him in the jaw – breaking it in two, cracking up into his skull. A deft kunai swipe slit the man's throat, ending the fight – Sakura wheeled around to find Sasuke.

The dark-haired boy was now on the defensive – both nins were bleeding. Sakura intervening placed her signature cheery blossom genjutsu on the enemy. It was just enough to slow him.

A pause long enough for the chidori to find its mark.

"Let me have a look at your ankle," Sakura said.

She went unheeded – Sasuke was already disappearing in the direction he last saw Naruto go.

"We've got to find him. I got the feeling he took on the strongest, smartest nin as usual. Idiot."

A sonic BOOM rumbled close by. The two Leaf Jounins sped up.

_Naruto. Shit! Shit! Shit! Damn! And fuck._

* * *

Naruto tried to still his trembling body – backing away slowly.

_Don't look scared. Never show fear.  
_

The blonde had landed beside the corpse of his enemy (who had fallen on a pile of rocks with a heavy SPLUD). He had landed into another pile of shit. Exhausted and tense, Naruto's lips thinned as he tried to calculate the odds.

_Not good. _

_I've already used a one tail – to go any further would be suicidal – I could end up harming –_

_Sasuke. Sakura._

_I don't know. Should I want you here? Perhaps it is best you stay away._

Several more landed behind him – the clothing of these men were different – enemy because they were nowhere near like Konoha's men – the tattoos on their upper arms were different – and the shape of their masks.

Their ivory white masks.

ANBU.

_Kakashi-sensei. _

The silence was creepy.

_This is the world he lives in. Sensei._

Naruto darted forward – the odds weren't good, he supposed – but then, he'd never really paid attention to those kinds of things.

_Ero-Sannin always said I had all the luck in the world.  
_

His Kage Bunshins took out one of the ANBU – as well as destroying themselves. But before Naruto could even call on the fox's power – something sank into his neck – his limbs went numb and he found himself paralyzed as he was lamed against a tree trunk with his hand.

He hung there helpless as another phantom approached unsheathing his katana.

"Naruto!" screeched Sakura, trying to at least unnerve the ANBU – to stop the sword. She stood there alone at the edge of the clearing – looking beat up and totally fragile.

"Where there's one, there are three," murmured one mask. Four disappeared.

The round clearing fell into another silence. Laden with chakra and intensity.

A whizzing sound and dull thunks. Sasuke suddenly appeared at Sakura's side – panting while he clutched his side.

"Sasuke –" gritted out Naruto – trying to will his body to move.

GGGRRRRRRRRRR!

A huge snarl filled the air – some grey blurs bounded out of the woods – four of them – huge jaws gaping – several joined it – mauling three ANBU who had dropped their guard.

Naruto toppled over sideways in time with the headless corpse of his captor – a following blur of steel swept around and ran itself through the body of the fifth ANBU.

The black streak seemed to consist of black, white and grey. The grey blurs were fur, fangs and claws.

When the canines took guard point at the edge of the clearing, Sakura and Sasuke running to their comrade's side, propped up Naruto and turned to see the remaining three ANBU converge on their rescuer who now stood still as stone in the clearing.

Tall. Lean. Muscled. Wiry. Fierce white mask. Black uniform.

And a wild mop of grey hair – some strands sticking out in all directions – but for the most part it was shaggy, long and unkempt.

It hurt.

Sakura just stared.

The boys would never understand.

_Our sensei normally so much together. Neat even if not on time. Careful. Responsible. _

_He looks almost – wild._

From their distance, his eyes seemed like black holes – his tense body ready for attack.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, one of the men began to twitch – chakra swirled wildly. It was black – a black hole with three trailing edges – it widened, engulfing the shinobi's chest – then – his upper body.

Now, he was flailing trying to pull away but to no avail.

His arms disappeared and his legs – and then his head. The clearing fell silent again as the black hole shrunk again.

"What the hell?" muttered one of the ANBU.

The other one stopped away.

"Ummm… um…. Hey, hey," whispered Naruto. "Is that –"

"I don't know."

The two ANBUs, rushing on the Leaf shinobi, sliced the nin in half – it collapsed in a rush of water.

"Mizu bunshin!"

Suddenly, Kakashi flickered behind the shorter one – without warning the man fell with a sliced throat.

"How did he do that?"

"Is that – is that –"  
"Shhhhhhh!"

"How the hell do I know?"

"I've never seen a jutsu like that before!"

* * *

The last ANBU fought like a wild thing – whirling together, katanas clashing – it was a beautiful dance – no less beautiful because of the danger.

It was a glorious dance of death.

Sakura, watching the light body bend, sway, turn – the muscular thighs, the pale arms with the Leaf tattoo standing out. Just watching, her breath was taken away. The danger, the bodies, the animality of the moment – it made her –

She couldn't name it.

_Kakashi-sensei. _

_If it is him – he is beautiful._

Her breath caught in her throat – and although she couldn't take her eyes off him, she knew that her comrades were just as riveted. Another Konoha ANBU clone appeared and successfully diverting the enemy ANBU's attention, attacked only to disappear in grey smoke.

The other Leaf's katana suddenly charged with a strange white chakra running along its blade, swept down unstoppable – the power – the total abnormality –

It was stunning.

"That – that –"

"What the hell is that?"

"It can't be sensei," Sasuke murmured. "He never displayed white chakra like that. That's – that's –"

"Just unnatural," Sakura whispered.

"But so cool!" Naruto crowed. His eyes shifted sideways. "And kind of weird…."

"Unnerving."

CRACK!

The white chakra blade fell – breaking through the opposing katana. !

Regardless, the enemy took the chance to bury his broken blade into the heart of the grey-haired shinobi.

There was a frozen moment.

Then a strange sound.

_Chi.  
_

With a light poof, the body disappeared again – as the smoke dissipated, a log materialized.

_chichichi chichichi chichichi chichichi chichichi chichichi chichichi chichichi  
_

It was familiar.

They turned to Sasuke.

_Chichichi chichichi _

* * *

It was unfamiliar.

The ANBU turned just in time to see a grey streak coming toward him – he turned to flee – only to be pinned to the spot by two of the huge dogs.

It was grey streak, holding a wild ball of lightning.

Team 7 saw it all – the chakra-strengthened hand, plunging through the rib cage, spraying bits of torn flesh and blood forward.

They saw it all.

It was a shock. To see a black glove sticking through the brown ANBU vest. It withdrew – and the corpse fell forward unheeded – revealing the remaining victor now standing closer.

Team 7 froze.

Sakura's green eyes widened.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

_Kakashi-sensei. _

There was a moment as they stood there looking at each other.

What was he thinking?

_**In my dreams I'm dying all the time.**_

* * *

Shadows fell over the shinobi's eyes – Kakashi-sensei – they understood then what Gaara meant.

"_Even if you find him – I don't think he'd be the one you remember. It happens. It would best to let him go."_

"_Your sensei is gone."_

_Say goodbye._

Even Naruto was speechless.

_Kakashi-sensei.  
_

Kakashi-sensei was no more.

Three shadows dropped out of the bush. ANBU Wolf tipped his head ever so slightly in greeting. A Bear mask barked out a harsh laughter, flipping his long black ponytail over his shoulder.

"We got the other four, the bastards."

Behind him stood two other uncertainly – from their looks, they seemed no older than Naruto and his team.

"Captain, we must leave," one of them said in a nervous voice.

ANBU Bear slung an arm familiarly around Wolf.

"C'mon. Let's leave the losers."

His voice was low and seductive; his hand squeezed his comrade's shoulder.

As if on reflex, their sensei twisted around, punching his comrade full in the face. Hitting a teammate without any remorse.

Bear's body disappeared into the brush. The two young ANBU dashed off, visibly resigned – as if this were a normal thing.

But then, Sakura thought, Kakashi-sensei was always very physically distant from others. He would never countenance people touching him like that.

"Young pup," growled an older summoning.

Wolf turned.

Team 7 looked up.

He turned – a wolf howled somewhere – Sasuke and Naruto whipped around to peer behind them into the forest.

Sakura got up and ran forward.

Every second flew by as Kakashi turned away – and darted upward to the tree branch. Her fingers just caught the upper ends of fingers.

There was no warmth. Only cold glove hard and black.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Her voice seemed shrill to her as it blew away in the wind with frail green leaves.

He didn't answer.

_Kakashi.  
_

By the time the boys looked around, he was gone.

He was gone.

And only Sakura remained – staring at the spot she last saw him.

Shock and hurt.

He was gone.

_**So this is goodbye.**_

* * *

**Review after reading~ It's easy payment for free entertainment~!**

**Message to the Readers~**

**NEXT UP: Kakashi represses. Team 7 discuss. What do Genma, Iruka and Raido have to say about this? Jiraiya's support.**

**Author's Replies to Reviews~**

Broken wind – well, this chapter is dedicated to you and your constant begging! I'm glad you're enjoying this so far, but I just need to warn you that this is going to be a KakaSaku fic. Sorry. But I can't really see anybody else who would work right now!

Abby – Hmmm… yes, it's going to be a bit hard for me to update anytime soon, since I'm attending University right now and STUFF tends to happen – like map quizzes, essays and et al. But I hope this will satisfy the cravings!

Inquisitive – Thank you for your awesome compliments! I hope that I live up to your expectations! I'm glad you're hooked, and don't worry, for the most part I try to finish all my fics…. Eventually….

Dragoness5476 – Yes…. We need more dark Kakashi fics in this world…

ERALDA – Kakashi Temari. Hmmm… yeah… I don't know if you read Revelation of the Wolf but it's the prequel to this novel and has said kissing moment in it.

Jemiul – Yep. More action all around! I'm glad you're excited!

Subakun-sensei – hahaha! Yeah… but who's to say that Kakashi wants to find/be found? So convoluted! But hey, fate lies in the hands of… me! (perhaps not a good thing!)

Kira-reen – I love giving people the chills! Thanks!

Blackrose113 – I'm glad you liked the Sand siblings. A lot of people may think what the heck… but yeah…I like to have various people make appearances!

SAM 'R Us – WOW! A new reviewer! I'm glad you like my story! I hope you will enjoy this update! If you like Gentle Lesson, check out the 2 prequels which lead up to this one – White Fang, Lightning's Howl and Revelation of the Wolf. They kind of have some background stuff which will make everything in the future make sense!

Kaki-kun – hahaha! Yeah! I'm so lazy! I saw the mistake but I was so rushed coughlazycough that I basically said what the hell. Thanks for that link to your awesome pic! It's beautiful! Wow! Maybe you could try to draw something from my fic…. Hehehe! Or maybe I will – when I get out of the whole mid-term thing.

Shadow Dragon Boss – Don't worry about 'crappy reviews' – it just nice to know somebody's reading and enjoying this.


	9. Ripples

**Title:** Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings:** Violence, severe angst, violence to oneself, Kakashi/OC. This chapter is rather dark in some parts, so please do not kill me if you don't like!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes:** To all my reviewers! THANKS FOR THE AWESOME REVIEWS!

**Spring 2011 Edit**

* * *

**Ripples**

_Had it only be a week ago? _

Here he was – out on the field already. It was the only way he knew how to forget. As he drew his katana out of its sheath, and glared at his equally masked opponent, he wondered if he ever could. Cold steel slid along the flesh of his upper arm – it jolted him awake.

_See… There I go again, thinking, thinking, when I should be focusing on my work. All this moodiness is going to kill me – stop thinking about them and think about – guh!_

Kakashi threw himself away – a quick flip upwards onto a tree branch – to safety. Banishing images of pink hair, blue eyes and a pale face, he threw himself down – meeting the enemy's blade with his own. He would kill those memories – on the tip of his sword.

* * *

"There's something wrong," Shizune stopped, glared at her drink and then sighed.

"Wrong?"

"With Iruka."

"Iruka-sensei? Trouble in paradise, already?" Joked Genma.

Raido hit him hard in the side with his elbow.

"Ooof! You beating on me already?"

Genma grinned, a twinkle and a promise in his eye. Anko stifled her giggles after a measured look from Ebisu.

"What is it?" she asked sobering up quickly.

"Iruka's been – I don't know – odd?"

Several more Jounin came in and sat down, ordering drinks and leaning in to hear the newest gossip.

"It is a mission?" asked Kurenai.

That was a loaded question. Missions – the danger, the not knowing – had torn apart many a couple before.

"No…. Iruka's been more involved with the Rehabilitation Center – with Haruno Sakura when she isn't sent out with her team… no… I just don't know…"

"Heeeyyyyy! Iruka!" yelled Genma, loudly, causing everyone to jump.

Shizune looked up and forced a smile, Iruka's grin also looked painful.

"She's right…" Murmured Kurenai, in Asuma's ear.

"Cat got your tongue?" joked Kotetsu from another table as the ex-Academy Teacher passed by.

"…. No…."

"Have a drink then," Izumo laughed, signalling the bartender. "Drink all your worries away."

Iruka said nothing in return. Underneath Izumo's laugh lay desperation – he had lost a sister in the war.

_Everybody loses something in war… Naruto. Sakura. Sasuke. Kakashi-sama. Kakashi._

He could almost hear Kakashi's voice -

_"I have been there," he nodded._

_"You WOULD say that," Iruka snorted. _

_"I was there," repeated Kakashi. "Several months ago. I had reached a plateau just as you have reached one."_

_Iruka looked up._

_"What did you do?" he asked._

_"What did I do?" Kakashi asked. "You should know what I did. You sit beside Tsunade."_

_"Uh… she said you were training."_

_"So you should train too."_

_"But I have nothing special! Even the Rookie Nine have more special traits individually than me!"_

_"Yes, but you are the one who taught them everything." Kakashi said. "You're probably – no, you ARE – smarter than the whole bunch. Use those brains of yours. Think up your own jutsus – just like I have. Or do research on some old, forgotten ones – or something."_

_"Iruka." Kakashi took a deep breath. "My father once told me a wise saying and you would do well to remember it." _

_Iruka looked up._

_"What makes a shinobi is not his jutsu but love, loyalty, courage and hard work. That's what he said."_

_Iruka nodded._

_"Now. Knowing that," Kakashi said. "We must go forward and fortify ourselves. I'm off to a very boring mission and you are to train yourself. I don't want to hear anymore on this matter. It is seriously getting old."_

_I owe you._

* * *

Kakashi could feel it all over again.

Her hand had felt – Had felt so small – so warm. In that short moment, he had remembered those moments when they had sat together in the dark. Her eyes – green and wide with sorry, sadness, shock and – a touch of fierceness – seemed so open – sincere.

An open book.

Even her chakra flared with emotion – all together, Sakura walked among the living. Not like him. Small and white, her fingers burnt his cold ones right through the clothe. His hands were revealed – red – dripping in blood.

_-the fuck? _

"Kaka-sensei?" her young voice quavered. "Why?"

_Why? WHY? _

Kakashi jolted awake, sitting upright suddenly in terror. _But what was there to fear?_ For a moment, Kakashi was confused. All of his traps, his seals and things seemed to be in order. The dark black curtains drawn over the closed patio door – no – Yukio wasn't here…

_What had scared him? _

Then the memories hit.

* * *

"Iruka," Genma said, switching his senbon ruminatively as he watched Raido take a pull on his cigarette. "Give. What's up? You've got her worried."

"I know." Iruka sighed, "But I can't help it."

"Is it work?"

"No."

Raido puffed out a long stream of smoke and watched the stars appear. Genma frowned.

_He's taken up smoking – ever since the war – is it to hide his fear – to relax his shaking hands? _

"Iruka. Is it a mission?" asked Raidou, after a moment.

"No."

"Then what? For kami's sake, spit it out!"

"Kakashi-sensei."

A moment.

"What?"

"Kakashi-sensei."

"That's really –"

"Is that supposed to make sense?"

"When's the last time you saw him?" Iruka asked, staring at his hands. "We three hold his secret. And yet…"

Iruka sagged back against the wall of the tavern, and joined Raidou's perusal of the stars. The darkness of the alley dimmed the lamp light – and the sounds of drinking and games from inside seemed so far away and unreal to his ears. Hard and long, the war had torn away much of their peace – and now, they were all celebrating. Celebrating for months and intending to celebrate for many more years to come.

Raido and Genma would know. He cast a side glance at his companions. Genma stood there, looking shell-shocked. Raido had the look of a man who had been hit over the head with a ton of bricks.

"What…. How could…."

"How could we have forgotten him?"

Raido's cigarette fell unheeded to the ground. It burned there for a moment, smoldering on the gravel and then, disintegrated into fine ash.

"Damn."

"Yeah."

"Is he – is he –"

"I don't know."

Raido shook his head. "He couldn't have died – not with all those jutsus and –"

"There would have been a funeral. The last of the Hatake – it wouldn't be hushed up…"

Iruka sighed. "Yeah, I know, Genma – but I'm still worried…"

"He's a big boy," Genma blinked. "He can take care of himself."

"It's not his physicality that I'm worried about – not being injured – no… I'm not worried about that. In fact, if he lost the use of his hands, it would probably do him more good than ever –"

"What do you mean?"

"Well… if he isn't in the Jounin ranks, he's in ANBU. You know that as well as I. Which means… he's been there since the beginning of the war until now."

"Holy shit."

"Holy shit isn't the word for it, Gen-kun," murmured Raido. His fingers automatically found another cigarette, soon it was lit and the smoke stilled his tension. "But then – is that a surprise? The war would need him."

"But he's been in there too long!" Iruka whispered, trying to stop himself from crying like a baby over a man who he didn't even know. "You guys can't possibly realize what those people are like – they aren't even people anymore. Those who stayed within the ANBU ranks during the war – they ended up doing horrible things just so we could stay alive! A lot of ANBU dropped out to join the front lines – and only recently recruitment has started up again… and he's been through all of that…. What's he going to be like coming out?"

There was silence on the thought.

"I wouldn't worry about it." Genma said, after a while. "First of all, he's Hatake. Second, he's got Naruto on his team to bring him back. Third, there's you to rehab him, and us to get him back to reality. We just need to find him."

"But how?" asked Iruka.

"Good point."

"I don't know… I could snoop around – talk to Ibiki – he's a good guy to rope in…"

"What if he doesn't want to be found?"

A heavy, solemn voice asked into the dark night, above their heads from the roof.

"GYYYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The three Jounin jumped and yelled in surprise – and turned kunai ready – to face the white-haired Sannin Jiraiya on the roof top.

"J-j-j-jiraiya-sama?" Iruka stuttered.

"Hey, old man! Stop creeping up on us like that, you bastard!" roared Genma, trying to cover up the fact that he had been squealing like a girl only seconds before.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I lost ANOTHER cig tonight because of you!"

"GENMA! RAIDO!" shrieked Iruka, utterly shocked. "SHOW RESPECT! J-j-j-jiraiya-sama! I'm so sorry! I think they've had too much to drink…."

"Like hell we have!"

"Speaking of which…."

"No respect," sighed Jiraiya.

His expression sobered. "You guys, were talking about Kakashi."

"Yes, sir," Iruka nodded. "I was – um – worried because we had seen one of his secret jutsu and I felt – um – sort of responsible… I thought we were friends at one point – and – well… he WAS Naruto's teacher… so… that is… when Sakura brought it up, I got worried, and I thought perhaps Genma and Raido would have news – or even ideas – and – and –"

Jiraiya raised his hand, jumped off the roof and leaning against the alley wall, turned his face up towards the stars.

"Yeah. I know. Seems like old hag Tsunade was in a stew about it, too." He grinned, hiding his embarrassment. "You know… I felt bad not thinking about him all this time. But then… the war really took a lot out of us and things just fell out the way they did…"

"So… where WAS he?" asked Raido.

"ANBU."

"See… what did I tell you?"

Genma shook his head. "All this time? I don't remember seeing any grey hair in the ranks…"

"He was in a special division."

"Like that evil secret one I heard about? Ne?"

"Hmmm…. Not evil… but definitely secret – more secret than normal ANBU because of the things they do… so it begs the question – would he want to be found?"

"I don't think so."

"GENMA!"

"It's true, Iruka. He hasn't shown his face – I don't think he'll ever show his face voluntarily. It'll be a long rehab session for you the day you get him into your office. Good luck!"

"So you will do nothing?"

Genma blinked and then sighed. His senbon flicked from one corner of his mouth to the other.

"I don't know. He's probably totally wild now – he was always stronger than us – no doubt about it. You'll just get your ass handed to you, Iruka-sensei… Still… I can't let you do it alone…"

There was a pause. Jiraiya shifted.

"Still… it's been a while since I've seen the brat. Even longer since I sparred with him… has he grown that strong – that ANBU would fight to keep him? I mean… sure Sakumo was a great guy – heck, I know I owe him my life a time or two – or ten… but all that Hatake heritage crap – I thought it was just that – crap…"

"The Hatake heritage?"

"What's that?"

"Jiraiya-sama?" Iruka asked, eyes wide. "The Hatake have a bloodline limit?"

"Well…. I don't think so… unless you think weird white chakra is a bloodline limit…"

"Ah."

Iruka said nothing, but he could already see that Genma and Raido knew what he was getting at.

"GRRRRRR-ARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

Lightning's Howl raised his voice in the falling dusk – and the glory of the Hatake was revealed. The dying sun was suddenly drowned in flaring white chakra. Genma, Iruka and Raido stood there – mouths agape as they watched their old, easy-going friend toss his head back, yelling – almost howling. For a moment, they had all thought that Kakashi would be goo at the bottom of the lizard's foot – but the force of explosive chakra broke outwards – blasting trees, rocks and reptile away.

Iruka stared and then glanced at Tsunade apprehensively.

_Was she going to be okay?_

But she just stood there gasping and blinking furiously. _He is her shinobi – of course she's worried._ _Look at him_. Iruka turned back to look on the scene of utter chaos – the wolf pinning the lizard down. Kakashi had changed utterly. His hair stood on end, as usual – but it seemed more wild. His eyes were slitted and steel grey, his teeth were bared in a growl – and across his cheeks lay stripes – three long grey ones on either side.

_Was it a bloodline limit?_

Jiraiya caught the shinobi's glance, his face frowned and he massaged his jaw, instinctively tracing his cheek's markings.

"You guys know something that I should know?"

"Uh – well – not really – that is, Tsunade told you right?"

"Iruka… Let's not get in trouble with the Kage…" Raido said, hesitantly. "I don't think –"

"Kakashi can summon a wolf beast," Genma stated calmly.

Jiraiya's eyes widened. "Really now… that so?"

"Very fierce. It's a good fighter…. But…."

"It's not as simple as a regular summoning," Iruka said, with a frown on his face. "It seemed to me, like he changed, eh, Raido-san?"

"Yeah…. His face changed and everything…."

"It was like watching, Naruto… on the battle field," Iruka sighed. "But unlike Naruto… Kakashi's abandoned his friends."

"He did it for Leaf," Genma said. "Let's give him that."

"But at the cost of his own sanity!"

"Maa, maa!" Jiraiya intervened. "Let's go get a drink and think this over. You know how I can never think well without a bit of … encouragement…."

As they entered the tavern, Genma felt a wash of unreality fall over him. Glancing sideways at Raido, he saw that the scarred man also looked stunned.

_What an evening_.

Sitting and looking at their drinks, they ignored their loud surroundings and focused on the matter at hand.

"It's spreading," Shizune whispered.

"Yeah… odd…." Kurenai said. "I guess Iruka spilled – it must be bad for Genma to have lost the party mood already."

"Forget them," Asuma laughed. "It's good to see them taking life seriously once in awhile, right, Ebisu-sensei?"

"Those perverts? They're probably just thinking of a way to get around Tsunade-sama's newest bath house fence…"

"Not Genma and Raido, no…" Ibiki murmured. "They're… you know…"

He waggled his pinky finger.

"WWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAATTTTT?" screeched Gai. "Since when?"

"Since forever!" They all chimed.

"Ahhh!" The black-haired bowl-cut sensei suddenly stood up. "I see! It's a spring time of youth romance! Their hearts were touched as they protected each other and Leaf! Oh! The beauty of it!"

"Somebody…." Groaned Kotetsu. "I need another toke!"

"Here…" Izumo said soothingly. "Have some of this…"

BANG! Suddenly the tavern door whipped open to reveal Team 7 – obviously just come in from a particularly strenuous mission!

"I'll show them! I'll show her! I'll show him! No more! We're going to focus on the ultimate mission! That baka sensei!"

"Uh-oh."

"Iruka, calm down." Jiraiya directed quietly. "We need to keep this quiet and I will – there's no telling what Kakashi will do, when he finds out we are onto him."

The white-haired Sannin turned around.

"NARUTO-BAKA! Stop ranting idiotic things and get over here – you idiot fox boy! Sasuke! It's been too long! And you Sakura-kun! Mmmmm…. Looking lovely as ever…. Oof!"

Jiraiya just barely missed a VERY lethal swing.

"And just like Tsunade – these strong beauties will be the death of me…"

"What's up, Jiraiya-sensei?" asked Sakura, while smothering Naruto competently with one hand. "Anything new?"

"You could say that…. How about you?"

"Same here…"

"Troublesome mission?" asked Iruka.

"You wouldn't believe," Sasuke sighed. "We got attacked half-way through it – just after we left Sand – but… we got help. We're still alive. That's all that matters. Except it wouldn't have happened if the baka had kept his mouth shut!"

"SASUKE-TEME! You're the one who provoked me!"

"Like I would do such a dumb thing… baka!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Calling you what, dobe?"

"THAT! TAKE THAT!"

They ended up getting kicked out of the inn. With a sigh, Jiraiya left with the three young Jounin. He had a feeling it would be a long night.

* * *

That night, he returned safely from his mission – with enough energy to find an empty training room to practice a few kata moves in. Kakashi revelled in the blue silence of the moment, in the pale moon washing over the empty room, the soft shine glinting off the steel, the feel of wood mats below his feet. It was his place and the minutes were his as he circled around and around the room, placing his feet down in ultimate silence – in a series of patterns which left no trace.

After finishing an extremely convoluted move, he stood there frozen, listening to the beat of his heart and the buzz of a small insect – a fly trying to find the night air. He was so cold.

_I wonder if this is what it felt like to lose your soul to the Death God. Would the numbness spread upwards – outwards? _

_To feel._

The blade on his flesh seemed to burn. He welcomed the warmth.

"He's come in, has he?" sighed Yukio. "And he avoided the shower rooms. What to do…"

"Yukio-san," Makoto breathed. "What are you planning to do?"

Ichiro nudged him and gave him a meaningful glance, as if to say, 'Shut up, you oaf! Don't encourage him!"

Yukio sighed as he jerked his tunic over his head, and pulled out his long black hair from his collar.

"You boys don't understand."

"Understand, Yukio-san?"

"You always bother Hatake-sama, what's there to understand?" Ichiro frowned, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at his superior.

"You boys don't understand that he wants it."

"He wants it?" asked Makoto disbelievingly.

"Let's just say he's a masochistic son of a bitch."

"I don't understand."

"That's what I just said, Makato, you idiot."

Yukio stood up and rooted around for his sandals, found them, sat down and started to pull them on.

"You see. ANBU - people who have been trapped here too long – need to survive – so they start shutting themselves off. But for those who've been trapped even longer – ANBU such as myself and Hatake-sama – move beyond that. Without feeling, there is apathy and certain death."

Yukio stood up, found his coat, and pulled it on.

"You will know this, one day – if you two aren't dead by then. It is good you are close friends – for those who have none – close enemies do just as well. You see…."

Yukio smiled crookedly.

"You see, we need each other. He needs to feel the anger and the pain. And I need to feel it too. We're perfect for each other that way."

"But that's WRONG!" Makoto said. "No friend would –"

"No friend would hurt his bosom friend!" Ichigo frowned.

"Well… perhaps that is true. For normal people. But for us – no friend would let another walk down such a dark path."

Yukio walked away, with measured step down the dimly lit hall, opened the door and savored the night. He loved the night. It belonged to him.

_You see. We need each other. You'll see. _

_Dear Makoto and Ichigo. You'll see._

"Such a twisted bastard," Ichigo sighed. "What can one do?"

"Nothing," murmured another ANBU.

"Do you think Hatake-sama will be alright?" asked Makoto.

"I have no doubt Hatake-sama can take care of himself. It's Yukio I am more worried about…."

He stood there frozen in the dark, watching the red droplets fall, when a pair of burning lips found that sensitive spot between his neck and his shoulders. There was no scream – he was a shinobi - but with lightning reflexes, the blade swept around nearly slicing his assailant in two.

Yukio smirked, ignoring the slit across his chest – the shirt didn't matter. Kakashi did.

"Kashi-kun. Why act so surprised?"

He watched the silver-haired ninja turn away to lay the sword down with shaking fingers.

"Ah! You've got a scratch! Let me have a look!"

Deft hands bound up Kakashi's arm with bandages materializing out of nowhere.

_Damn the man! _

There was a moment of silence as Kakashi watched his ex-teammate bind up his arm. They stood there staring at each other – dark eyes meeting dark eyes.

"You know," Yukio said, walking around Kakashi to slide two strong arms around the slimmer man's waist. "Standing there in the moonlight – you remind me of a moon spirit. So precious. But oh…. So cold."

_So cold. _

Kakashi didn't answer – but neither did he move away. His muscles lay tense underneath Yukio's arms. For once, Yukio realized that perhaps his mate's sudden reunion with Team 7 had unsettled the white-haired shinobi's feelings more than the usual.

"Don't touch me," gritted out Kakashi.

"Now, Kashi-kun. Don't be like that! After all, the night is young and we could –"

Kakashi twitched.

"Maa! You don't have to be so cold!" Yukio pseudo-whined.

His silence frightens me. What is he thinking?

"We could just relax for the evening. You know what I want. And you know I always get what I want…"

As his lips drew nearer to the invitingly muscled nape, Yukio felt the younger man tense. But it was too late for him. Before he knew it, he could see his reflection in the darkened glass and the moon over-imposed on the still mirror of Kakashi's face. He saw in the mirror - as it rushed to his face - in the fragile mirror - a lost little boy - and then, there was dark.

* * *

Genma, Raido and Iruka walked down the main street of Konoha, wondering what the next day would bring. The stars were now all out, most law abiding people were in their beds. They could see the night watch, soundlessly making the rounds.

Behind them, ninjas crept (were dragged) home – Jiraiya and Team 7 had left a long time ago. They walked down the dark street and savoured the silence. It had been a long time since they had been able to really relax like this. Thinking about Kakashi still trapped in ANBU soured the peaceful mood, though. And not for the first time, Genma wondered what it was that he had gotten himself into.

"That was where his apartment was," Genma said softly, as they passed a brand-new complex.

"He's still there?" asked Iruka.

"Highly unlikely."

"Ah…. What happened to the old ones?"

"Demolished in a bomb. Remember that infiltrator Ibiki caught?"

"Yeah… Think he went back to his home?"

"No… he's probably in one of the newer complexes near the ANBU training grounds – in the east end of town, you know… where Ebisu lives now."

"I've been there before…. Once. Very impersonal and stark."

"Well… we just have to wait for the trees to grow back, eh, Raido?"  
"Guuuhhhh…."

"Raido's not so good at drink…"

"Maybe he should just lay off it then," suggested Iruka tartly.

"Guhhhhh."

"I think that was a 'you wish'."

They passed the shops and the restaurants and the now quiet inns, taverns and cafes. Everybody had closed up – and the houses lay dark. The training rooms and the martial complexes were closed up and silent – and somewhere, Iruka could hear a bird sleepily chirping.

CRASH! TINKLE!

Suddenly, an ANBU flew out in front of them, obviously taking a hit to the jaw. Immediately, several ANBU materialized out of nowhere, to pick him up. He seemed to be raving mad. Iruka shuddered.

_What kind of men -? _

"Iruka-san, come away," a muffled voice ordered with quiet authority.

Genma, face white, and Raido (now sober) nodded and backed away quickly.

"Iruka-san."

The voice seemed so young. Iruka hesitated.

As he turned and jumped away, he could hear the hoarse voice saying, "Let me get at him, the bastard!"

The fight was still going on, when he left – who had jumped the ANBU?

_An enemy? _

_An infiltrator?_

"What was that?" Iruka asked.

"That," a hard female voice said softly.

The blonde Hokage of Leaf stepped out of the shadows, her brown eyes, hard.

"That is the first ripple."

* * *

**NEXT UP: **

"Sakura-chan! Why the hell do we have to do this?" Naruto whines while flipping through yet another musty file.

"Baka! We've got to find more about our sensei if we are going to help him - and nobody seems to want to talk -"

"But I need ramen! And this boring!"

"Shut up!"

"For once I agree with the idiot..."

"Don't call me idiot!"

"Sasuke-kun?"

"Sakura, you're the medic - you go through the medic files. I'll scope out his house and Naruto..."

"Stop bossing me around, Sasuke bastard!"

"You'll interrogate his friends."

"That's a stupid idea, Sasuke and you know it! Give me something better!"

"How about looking through his missions logs?"

"Sakura-chan! Good idea!"

Here we go! The mission to help Kaka-sensei!

"While we are trying to complete our other duties, of course," Sasuke nods.

"WHHAAATTT? That stupid hag! Not again!"

**Please Review~ Easy Payment for Free Entertainment~**

**Author's Replies to Reviewers~**

Kaki-kun: thanks for the continued support! Sorry about the confused-ness. Hope to get it right next time! Thanks for the critique and honesty!

Shadow Dragon Boss: Creepy. Yeah. I can just see the scene in my head. It would be one of those silent scenes… hope you like this update!

Subakun-sensei: Let's all be insane together! I'm glad you got that atmosphere out of the chapter!

jennjennrd3sjrose: Wow! A new reviewer! Thanks for the taking the time to be so encouraging! I'm glad you found a fic to enjoy! And I hope you'll like it - wherever I go with this!

Brokenwind: you're so bouncy! It makes me laugh! Hope you like this update!

IceBlue: Another new reviewer! (eyes are sparkling) Thanks! I hope you don't fall off!

Inquisitive: squeee! A new reviewer who knows exactly how I feel! You make me blush! Wow! Umm… yeah…. I'm afraid that my plotlines and stuff can annoy people because I tend to do my own thing… but… anyway…. Thanks again! I hope you enjoy this chappie!

Jemiul: I'm glad you enjoyed it – and the fact that you're speechless is awesome, too! I hope I can keep up with everybody's expectations!

Nannon: I'm glad you like! Sometimes, when I reread my stuff, I'm like… WTH… what was I thinking? But you really set those fears to rest!

Etrt: Another new reviewer! I'm going to combust! Well… what happens to Kakashi… hahaha! Can't tell you! Keep reading!

Snowfall: I've been in your place before... I'm glad I'm able to give you a state of bliss…. Hope it continues!

SweetAssassin: Well…. The story will unfold in time… and KakaSaku action… that's coming too… sometime… sometime… Thanks for the review! When people get excited like you, I tend to write sooner... unless essays get in the way….

Forbidden Love 08: I'm glad you're liking it! White Fang, Lightning's Howl and Revelation of the Wolf will kind of show you what to expect – sort of… but then maybe not! Bwahahaha! And the characters that are covered in those two novellas will also be covered in this one… can't live without the other Jounin! Revelation of the Wolf is the larger one… and rather heavy… so good luck!

Sakurabell: Yes… sadness…. That's what happens when you make up an ANGST playlist and listen to it over and over… it's the only way for me to get angsty! Hahahaha! Gotta love Porcelain! Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoy this upcoming fic.

OtakuAnime131: Hmmm…. Confusing… yes… it will be… If you have any questions or suggestions you can always email me or something… If you are wondering what's this summoning jutsu that is being mentioned – then I suggest you read my other two fics to figure it all out… hmmm…. What's wrong with Kakashi? Hahaha! ME!


	10. Three Things

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: **Violence, Reference to Non-Con

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~

**Author's Notes:**10 pages! READ THEM AND WEEP! LITERALLY! TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! THANK YOU! ARIGATO! TO THOSE WHO ARE SHY, TOO BUSY, IN A HURRY, DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT: thanks for looking anyway and I hope to hear from you some time!

Yukio is an important figure to this fic – if you have issues, read my comments to Vicious and Inquisitive and you'll get the idea. If you don't like male/male pairing, then I suggest you back away veerrrryyyy slowly.

This IS a Kakashi/Sakura fic but it's going to take time, as all good relationships must.

Spring 2011 Edit

* * *

**One Foot Forward**

"_For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then, face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." I Corintians 13:12_

_Before he knew it, he could see his reflection in the darkened glass and the moon over-imposed on the still mirror of Kakashi's face. He saw in the mirror - as it rushed to his face - in the fragile mirror - a lost little boy - and then, there was dark. _

Yukio sat up and rubbing his hand roughly down over his face, sighed.

_Kakashi._

It had been so long since he had let his guard down that much. _Even worse… to take such a chakra-laden punch to the jaw… _He shook his head and then smiled crookedly. He deserved this – all of this. _After all, what else did Konoha have to offer? What else could he give?_

He remembered the dark – it wasn't unconsciousness – no – that would be bliss. It was the closed face of Kakashi when he pulled up his mask.

_It is the shutting of a door, I can't break._

_Kakashi._

_Don't go where I can't follow._

* * *

Kakashi lay back on the rough shingles of his apartment complex's roof. He savoured the moment – the silence, the dim light of the moon, the scraping feel of the shingles against his exposed back, the stirring of the warm wind which ran invisible fingers through his hair. He shut his eyes and inhaled.

If he turned his head, he knew that the vista of Konoha would be there to greet him, to remind him what he was fighting for. The large police quarters. The imposing Academy and adjoining mission room and the bright red of the new Hokage office. The main street with all the shops lined down it – somewhere the Ichiraku Ramen shop snuggled – _how long has it been since I've tasted the ramen?_

Green trees, blooming flowers, the lonely complexes and family clan ghettos (one belonged to him) and the great walls with the huge wooden doors overshadowed by the watchtowers.

It was in moments like these that he remembered who he was.

One, Hatake Kakashi, tensai ninja, better known as the Copy-nin. One time Jounin sensei. He tested the thought out – as carefully as a hunter walking on thin ice – underneath the fragile frozen water, the river bubbled and rushed – waiting for a chance to break free. Waiting for spring. Waiting for chaos.

With a quick mental motion he moved the thoughts on. It wouldn't do to get too emotional over something so insignificant.

But as he recollected his previous mission and the next one he was about to embark on (high profile bodyguard mission with Yukio), he wondered in what way his on/off teammate – friend, seemed too ludicrous to even consider – would try to needle him again.

There had been that one moment –

_Face it head on, Kakashi, there's no denying it – _

There had been that moment of weakness, and Yukio had stepped in. His fingers had burned like coal – as if they were able to cleanse and reduce to ashes all of those fears, flaws and failures. Yukio had burned and hurt.

_Damn the bastard. I'm never letting him into my bed again._

It had been a mistake though – to let him get that far. Since then, Yukio had been a pain in the ass – always getting in between Kakashi and his thoughts, Kakashi and his books, Kakashi and his memories.

_Although – _

Kakashi hated Yukio for that, even now, as he revelled in the peace, his body tensed at the thought of having to cope with Yukio and his advances for more than a week on end.

_Although – _

He wondered what his two young protégés would think: Makoto and Ichiro. It was partially his fault there – he hardly spent anytime with the young men, Yukio was more charismatic and caring, that way. The ANBU had chosen well when they picked Yukio as the honorary newbie guide to ANBU life.

_Although… I have to admit I relied on the annoying prick as well. Damn the man!_

Kakashi turned his head away quickly at the thought – at the image of Yukio's face as they had been dragged apart the night had been full of fury – and something else, that Kakashi could not – would not – name.

_What had he seen in me to act like that? _

Even as he watched the sky lighten, he wondered.

He turned his head and gasped.

On the roof was a girl-child. She had blue lips and a soft smile.

She smiled, eyes crinkling shut.

"What the hell are you doing up here?"

"Want to play?"

"What –"

She turned and jumped off the roof and Kakashi flew after her.

Kakashi tried to pull on brakes – gouging down the wall with chakra strengthened fingers – but he couldn't stop it in time – the ground rose up to meet him – the girl had disappeared.

_What the –  
_

He welcomed the dark. Unconsciousness at least meant the absence of nightmares.

After a couple of seconds, he heard his name called – a very familiar voice – and he looked up into a pair of concerned grey-black eyes beside familiar green-blue ones. White and yellow. Fang and Flash. He closed his eyes again.

_What have I done to deserve this? Why did they have to come now? _

Then another part of him screamed, "No! No! This is only a figment of your imagination! You're psychotic! Nuts! Shut it off now!"

Kneeling there in the alley, Kakashi felt that burden coming down on him even more - whatever it was – his hands clenched through his wild hair as he shook his head in desperation.

"Kakashi! Are you alright?"

"What the hell is wrong? What happened to you?"

"You're not real! Get away from me!"

Kakashi looked up.

"Kakashi! We've got to tell you something!"

"What's up with your hands? Did you scrape them on something?"

Time and space stopped – all he could hear was his rough panting as he attempted to stand – and he stared down at his hands – red with (_his own?_) blood.

"I'm SORRY! Leave me alone! Just leave me alone! I'm sorry!"

Totally incoherent, he ran away as fast as he could, praying that those ghosts weren't just another part of him. He ran, ignoring the cuts to his bared feet and the chilling sweat on his back. Even as he ran, his mind scurried – where could he run to?

_Where can I run to when I have lost my home? _

_Home._

* * *

"Jiraiya… what…"

Tsunade rolled over and blearily focused on her alarm clock – the glow in the dark letters changed. 4:45. A.M.

"Tsunade…"

His voice was deadly serious.

"What? What's wrong?"  
"Look… follow me…"  
"Just let me change…"

Fifteen minutes later, Jiraiya led her in the near dark to the eastern part of town.

She stared at it and raised an eyebrow.

"What the hell?"  
"It's almost as if someone clawed their way down the side of the building."  
"How did – how did you notice this?"  
"I was walking home from –"  
"From her place?"  
"That's beside the point…"  
"I don't want to hear about that woman!"  
"But I wasn't the one who brought her up!"  
"Whatever, tell me!"  
"I heard a yell – someone was – I can't describe it… I thought maybe there had been an intruder – after that whole fiasco with Hayate just before the old geezer died and then – we lost that other Nara woman in the war… anyway – I came here and all I found was this…"  
"This is disturbing. I need info right now!"  
"It seems there's blood right in the grooves."  
"So we're looking for a guy with a lot of blood on his hands."  
"Yeah."  
"Let's look then!"  
"What about calling some ANBU out?"  
"Ch. If I can't find an intruder in my own village, what kind of a kage am I?"  
"You're asking me?"  
"Can you ever be serious?"  
"What? I can do serious. Watch me do serious – hey! Where are you going?"

* * *

"You know, guys," Sakura sighed as she carefully showed her pass to the Chuunin on duty. "If you guys paid more attention to things and actually listened to Tsunade's instructions, we wouldn't be so confused during our missions. You get what I'm saying?"  
"Sakura, I have no idea what you're talking about," Sasuke sniffed. "I didn't start anything this time and you know it. Blame the idiot."  
"IDIOT? You call me idiot when you're the one who lost us?"  
"BOYS!"

The young shinobi, catching sight of her "it's-5:00-in-the-morning-don't-mess-with-me" glare, subsided.

"All I'm saying," Sakura said. "Is that we need to be more on top of our game – if we aren't, how are we going to be able to complete simple things – like – say – finding our sensei? Seriously."  
"She's got a point," Naruto sighed. "Why does she always have a point?"  
"It's because I'm a girl and I know these things."  
"A girl? Riiiiight!"  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Naruto. Stop while you're still able to…"

Sasuke paused.

"You have a plan, Sakura?"  
"Well… we can't expect to help sensei if we don't know him… so I thought maybe we could do some research…"  
"Research?" Naruto asked. "Eh?"  
"Some things never change," sighed Sasuke.  
"Yeah…"  
"What ARE you guys SAYING!"  
"Nothing, nothing, all I'm saying is that we should get our act together and use our spare time wisely."  
"Where would we start our research?" asked Naruto.  
"I'd suggest medical records, since that's the easiest place I can start in."  
"It's a good idea," Sasuke nodded. "But – I need rest first… perhaps later on today – around noon?"  
"Sure! We'll meet at the bridge…"  
"As always!"

Naruto jumped away and headed to his apartment. Already the rest of the day was looking better. Not for the first time did he thank the gods for putting such a smart beauty – _especially beauty_ – on his team. He skidded to a stop when he saw Jiraiya and Tsunade approach him.

"What're you doing up?" the Kage asked, her blonde brows knitting together.  
"Just got back from the mission…"  
"This late?"  
"It's all Sasuke's fault!"  
"Sure," Tsunade said. Her expression deepened into a harder frown. "Hey, you see a strange person running around?"  
"Nooo… why – do you need help finding somebody?"  
"No. Not really, Naruto." Jiraiya smiled. "You get some sleep – I need to talk to you later on about a jutsu I found…"  
"Okay. Sure! I'll see you later then!"

Naruto jumped away.

_What're they so tense about? Maybe… maybe they're just coming back from a date! _

Naruto stifled giggles and getting himself inside his apartment, allowed himself a long laugh.

_What a pair! They think they can fool me! _

* * *

"We'll have to split up," Tsunade sighed. "You take the west part of town – I'll take the east."  
"Let's regroup in two hours."  
"Fine. If you find something, try to be easy on him… We want him alive."

Jumping soundlessly from roof to roof to wall to fence, Jiraiya shivered. He always hated the west end of town – the empty mansions, the manors, quiet complexes. Some of them were still inhabited – the Akimichi, the Nara, the Yamanake, the Inuzuka, the Hyuuga – but there were a few which just seemed –

_Maybe it's because I never lived in such great surroundings myself. A boy like me would never be part of something like that. _

_But even so – it's not like it made life for them any easier._

The Uchiha complex was entirely shut down since Sasuke's departure (and return). Around it, the air seemed drenched with sorrow, pain, fury and fear. It smelled of massacre and hate.

_Is it just my nerves? _

The abandonment of the Morino complex also made Jiraiya halt. It had that air of sorrow and loneliness – as if it were a boy who had been forgotten during a hide and seek game. That was another great clan who would never be reborn – not unless Ibiki got that lover of his with child. Highly unlikely. Men like him knew, more than anyone else, what kind of hell a ninja's child is born into.

And then there was –

Jiraiya paused.

He hated this one because it reminded him of the good days. The old days.

* * *

"_Jiji! Get over here you pervert – what the hell are you – GAAACK! Get away from there, BAKA!"  
_"_Heeeeyyy! Give that back, no-breast girl!"  
_"_STOP CALLING ME THAT! YOU'RE SO DEAD!"  
_"_Guys."  
_"_Hahahaha!"  
_"_Now, here. Stop it, you people embarrass me…" A light voice suddenly spoke up and Tsunade felt herself lose grip of Jiraiya's spyglass. "Oro-kun, why couldn't you just stop it?"  
_"_Him? Like he could stop me!" Jiraiya laughed, slinging his arm around his close friend's shoulders. "Right, Saku-kun!"  
_"_What? You're in love?" giggled Tsunade._

_To her mind, the two white-haired tensai ninja looked good together…_

_Sigh…_

_Jiraiya pulled away and glared. "It's just like you to spoil the mood, hag."_

"_I'm not a hag!"  
_"_Guys."  
_"_Now, now! How about getting some sake! I think the pub just opened!" The Hatake patted Tsunade on the shoulder, and she gave him a little smile._

_Jiraiya sniffed._

"_Hmmm… okay… it's not like I'm going to find any inspiration now – what with the snake bastard and the breastless girl are here… sounds like a plan. Lead the way!"  
_"_Sakumo…" growled Tsunade._

_The white-haired prodigy smiled. "Now, now… we all know that Jiraiya is just teasing. Most immature shinobi tease with cruelty to hide their emotions, right?"_

"_SAKUMO!"_

_Tsunade giggled._

"_You guys!"_

_Orochimaru wrinkled his pale nose – his black eyebrows knotting together – he turned away and stalked off to find his sensei. He hated them all._

_Especially the happy light in Jiraiya and Sakumo – and the warmth in Tsunade._

_He'd show them._

* * *

But those weren't the only memories….

* * *

"_Jiraiya! Wish me luck! Isn't she beautiful?"_

"_Hey! You heard, Jiji-san? I'm going to be having a baby! Sake's on the house!"  
_"_It's a boy!"_  
"_Heh! Isn't he smart? He's a genius! As a Hatake should be! Kakashi. Our hope. Our joy. Our love."  
_"_You're getting sappy on me, old man."  
_"_Nah. Just you wait until you get a son. He's our only hope. I'll be proud of him forever."  
"Even if he doesn't know his right hand from his left?"_

_Sakumo laughed._

"_Even then."  
_"_He's a genius, alright – a genius to restore our clan! And I've found something even better for the Hatake! You watch! I know it's an honor to take a shine off the Sanin but this – this will be an accomplishment for the Hatake alone!"_

_Sakumo._

_Kakashi._

He could hear Genma's voice in his head.

_Kakashi can summon a wolf beast. _

_Is this what you wanted for him, Sakumo?_

Jiraiya stared down at the empty dojo, the wild garden, the worn down houses.

_Is this what you wanted? I don't think so. You wanted the best for him, old friend._

* * *

As he stood there, reveling in the sweet smell of the blue flowers spread out below, Jiraiya sighed – and then stiffened. Along with the sweet smell was something sticky and metallic – iron in blood. Jumping down lightly, he ran through the garden and around the back of the dojo, where another wilderness lay.

_They always loved the land – found peace in the land. _

He stopped.

It was Kakashi. At least – the grey hair looked like the Kakashi. And the thin muscular – lithe – body. But… The tenseness, the waves of panicked chakra, the hands buried deeply – claw-like into the earth – weren't Kakashi.

He approached the shinobi carefully. After all, it was from here that the blood originated.

_Goodness knows what happened. It's him… but not him… ANBU…. _

"Kakashi."

The body grew tenser. Jiraiya stopped.

There was a silence.

Jiraiya debated internally on summoning a frog to get Tsunade. But just the sound of a twig breaking under his feet made the brat jumpy. A frog was out of the question. So was Tsunade.

"It's me," he said as softly as he knew how. "Jiraiya."  
"What?"

_What._

* * *

It sounded to so dead. Not a surprised 'what' – but a deadly one. Jiraiya tensed – but not quickly enough. The next second, he felt a hard hand on his wrist and a fist – faster than the eye could track – coming towards him. All he saw was white chakra and then black.

As the dust settled, Kakashi only vaguely noticed the new hole in the shed – where the intruder lay – he didn't even want to know who it was. Part of him wanted it to be Yukio. But it couldn't be.

He knew Yukio's chakra.

_Whatever._

He needed to get home. Away from here. The very air here seemed so stale as to choke him. Just as he turned away, hands shaking, heart racing, he heard a small cough. And then, warmth – it was that heat again – and for a moment… No, for longer.

He melted into it.

* * *

"It's okay… it's going to be alright."  
"I – what did I do?"  
"I don't know… but it doesn't matter… you knocked out a Sannin. That's pretty good. But…"  
"Sannin?"  
"Yeah… Jiraiya-sama."  
"Gods. What have I –"  
"Shhh… it's fine. It's going to be okay… C'mon, let's hang for the night."

Kakashi fell asleep to the sound of Yukio's gentle voice.

"Kakashi's records?" asked Tsunade. "Have you completed your missions?"  
"Yes, Tsunade-sama. For today."  
"Hmmm… well… I really shouldn't…."  
"Why not?"  
"Naruto, be quiet. It's a matter of privacy."  
"Tsunade-sama," Sasuke put in. "If we are to save him and retrieve him, then we'll need to know more about him."  
"For ourselves," agreed Sakura.  
"Yeah," Naruto nodded, trying to look like he knew what was going on.

Tsunade sighed and propped her head onto her folded hands.

_Next to no sleep – and then Jiraiya's troubling news. _

* * *

She could hear still hear her comrade talking, his eyes so serious that she felt scared.

_"He's strong. Stronger than before. I took quite a hit to the jaw. And he showed no remorse."  
"How did you figure that?"  
"He left me there."  
"Jiji… you should have come to get me…"  
"He was in a state…"  
"I see."  
"We need to get him out."  
"How?"  
"I don't know… but if we don't get him out – he'll end up doing something – and then we'll lose a good ninja."  
"Sure. Just one more thing to worry about."  
"There's that treaty with Rock, right?"  
"Yeah… I've tried to send ANBU twice, but I've got no straight answers… I'll need to go myself. Konoha will have to be under your charge while I'm gone."  
"You've got to be kidding me, right?"  
"No. Why would I be?"  
"It's booorrring!"  
"Too bad!"  
"I've got other things to do!"  
"Like what?"  
"Ummm… I've got a book to finish!"  
"Spying on girls, more like… right?"  
"Well, research DOES take time."  
"You've got to be kidding me…"  
"So harsh."  
"You're a Sannin. Act like one. Think of the example you are setting. The last thing we need is for people like Neji to get into the habit of peeping."  
"Neji… Hyuuga, right?" Jiraiya rubbed his chin. "Never thought about it in that way. Huh."  
"What did I do?"  
"Tsunade-sama?" asked Shizune entering the room, followed closely by Kotetsu and Izumo.  
"Are you alright?"  
"Just worried."  
"About what?"  
"Nothing." Tsunade turned to Jiraiya. "Maybe Team 7 could bring him back."_

_Jiraiya shrugged._

_"We'll have to see…"_

* * *

"Fine, then." Tsunade sighed. "You have full powers to research, interview, whatever… Here, take these permission slips and this will help you gain access to everything. The only place you cannot get to is ANBU. Don't even try to approach them, okay?"

Sakura and the boys nodded.

"Right!"

* * *

Hours later…

"Okay… I know the war really messed things up but I didn't think the filing had gotten THIS bad."  
"Well… Kotetsu and Izumo do have other things to do. Shizune never does the filing anymore – and Tsunade is just too busy. We've been trying to get Chuunins in here… but in reality the only people who know what they're doing are Ko and Zu-zu…." Sakura sighed. "I help when I can…"  
"Hey!" Kotetsu poked his head around the corner. "You need help?"  
"We can't seem to find something. But don't worry. We'll find it!"  
"Just call if you need help… Oh! Will you be at the bar tonight, Sakura-chan!"  
"Of course! Will Zu-zu be there?"  
"Don't call me that! You're too cruel!" A voice called from the other side of the room - it ended in a huge coughing fit. Then: "Damn this dust!"

Sakura giggled and Kotetsu laughed.

"It's your fault you've got a cute name!" She called back and smiled as Izumo cursed again in between more dusty coughs.

Sasuke stared, Naruto yawned.

"Idiots," the blonde kitsune mumbled.  
"For once, I agree," the black haired Uchiha nodded.

They stared around them – it was a large room full of files – old, musty, yellowing scrolls and newer pages, file folders and scrolls. The air seemed dusty and stale – and somewhere, dim light filtered in from ground level windows.

"I never knew we had a basement like this," Naruto had said.

And when they had seen the disorder, the boys looked at each other weakly.

* * *

"I think I hit something."

Sakura said, dragging out a box labeled 'Hatake'.

"It's the family info."

Naruto picked up a page and stared at it.

"What are forceps?"

There was a silence.

"I don't think we'll be much help here," Sasuke said. "Even I don't know some this terminology."

Sakura looked up, thoughtful.

"Well… then, help me carry this upstairs to my study desk and you boys can go through his missions reports."  
"I don't need Sasuke's help for that!" sniffed Naruto.  
"Are you sure, dobe?"  
"Stop calling me that!"  
"Calling you what, idiot?"  
"THAT! I'm going to kill you, Sasuke-teme!"  
"Hmmm… Sasuke, why don't you do the interrogation?"  
"Sure."  
"Fine. Let's meet at the bar around seven, okay?"  
"GREAT! I bet I can unearth more secrets than you, Sasuke!"  
"Sure. Whatever."

Kakashi woke to a loud cry reverberating over the village.

_Naruto? _

Whatever burden had been on the white-haired ninja had disappeared now – and for a moment he revealed in the peace.

_Team 7. My team. My proud team. _

He smiled as he remembered the boy's determination to bring Sasuke back.

"Kakashi."

Kakashi turned away and sighed. He hated to admit this.

"Thanks."  
"No problem."  
"What's the price?"  
"Can you put a price on love?"  
"You're asking me that kind of question?"  
"Hmmm… I know the answer. Let me show you."

"_So now, faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13_

* * *

**Please Review~ Cheap payment for free entertainment~!**

**Message to Readers~!**

NEXT EP: Sakura flipped the book open and gasped, tears stinging in her eyes. It touched her soft heart to know – Kakashi – how early he had lost his mother.

**Author's Replies to Reviews~**

Jemiul: Thanks for calling me a great author and I'm glad you're speechless and excited about this fic. I hope I can pull through all the way! It's reviews like yours which really keep me going!

Blackrose113: spelling… yeah… sadly I've not been reading this fic to my sisters so I haven't picked up on any spelling errors… But I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless – and there will be more KakaSaku… soon… sometime soon…

Inuyashafeudalgirl: I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Thanks for taking the time to drop in a quick review! P.S. my favorite Inuyasha character is his older brother and Moruku (?) – the lecherous monk… who's your favorite character?

OtakuAnime131: Great! I'm glad it's making more sense to you! If you have any questions – just give me a note!

Snowfallismad!: Hmmm… wow! I'm glad you're excited! I love fanfics that make me excited too, so I feel honored! As for the Kakashi-centric conversation… I realized the mistake afterwards sweatdrops but I guess I'm focusing too much because I don't want people to think of my stuff as filler crap… we all know how much we hate the fillers right now! But you are right, and I hope that this chapter won't be so K-centric! Although – I feel that it still is v. K-centric… what can I say? I'm obsessed!

JennJennr: I'm glad you like my writing style and characterization. I hope this upcoming chapter makes you happy as well!

Ronsmyhero: Angst…. Angst is good – but only when there's a sweet ending – and there will be a sweet ending… I promise! Thanks for reviewing!

Shadow Dragon Boss: Emo. Yeah… I suspect my fic is going to get emo-ish… which is odd because everybody around me says that I'm too emotionally constipated for my good. Ah well… Glad you liked!

Kira-Reen: I'm so glad you enjoyed the empty dojo scene… me thinks a nice piccie would be nice for that… (sigh) when I have time… Was he barefaced? Well… here's my belief – since most of his masks seem to extend down his neck, the fact that Yukio kisses a bared neck means he had no mask… unfortunately, I'm not the type to describe what I think Kakashi looks like… maybe I will – but mostly I like to leave it up to the imagination of the reader! XD!

Bob: A NEW REVIEWER! THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME! I hope you enjoy this upcoming chapter!

Brokenwind: Here's the new update! Hope you like! It's okay to be hyper – but don't blame it on kakashidiot! (But hey, bad press is better than no press, right?)

Inquisitive: Angst and humor… yeah… I just can't seem to go angsty all the way – or be entirely humorous… but I feel that's more of a strength, right? That way, there's more depth to my work and more complexity! I'm glad you look like that kind of stuff! As for 'losing' myself in my work… do you know me? Personally? If you don't, wow… I do tend to 'lose' myself… to the detriment of school (sweatdrops). Thanks for your compliments on my imagery! I'm trying to experiment – to see how poetic I can get without becoming confusing! Yukio's character? Well… you see, I hate OCs. (People enjoyed Megami from Revelation of the Wolf and I just shivered…) But as I was writing chapter 9, I stopped myself and said, "You're creating a 2D character, do you want that?" Upon which I said to myself, "No." So I totally reworked the chapter to give him more depth, and hopefully you see more of his complexities in this one as well. So he is important.

* * *

Kaki-kun: Yes. You're really good at critiquing, aren't you? You seemed to pick up the ambivalence of the moment, there – the original sentence, I now see was much better – but then I decided to see if I could justify it… so here goes… Thanks for letting me know! I appreciate it!

Vicious: Hmmm…This is a KakashiSakura fic. No doubt about it. But I believe all people are capable of making mistakes – even relationship-wise… and this is one such scenario. And it's not going to get any better, any time soon. Some people may not see Yukio as making much sense – but he will – my Hatake Clan novels all tend to be longer (20-26 chapters) so there's a plot which will explain everything. As for the killings… I think that it's possible to see ANBU as mafia style killers – ANBU does stand for Assassination, Torture and Interrogation Unit. I hardly think that Ibiki gets results by hugging them to death – and the short scene of Mizuki being 'interrogated' by the ANBU looks rather harsh… so, yeah, I could see such types of missions coming up. Furthermore, keep in mind there are secret organizations, even within ANBU – Ne, for example – who seem to have NO sense of morals at all… so I hope you'll forgive my more NASTY ideas of what's going on in ANBU. I'm just a sadist…


	11. Love: Discovery and Pain

**Please read and review! It's a small price to pay for such great entertainment, right?**

* * *

Yep… as you can see, I've been watching Trinity Blood and Witch Hunter Robin for faarrrrr to long… oh well… I hope you enjoy the angst… One step for Sakura and one giant leap for otaku-kind.

* * *

**TO THE REVIEWERS! THANK YOU! AND TO THOSE WHO JUST LOOKED IN – THANKS FOR LOOKING!**

I just passed the 100 mark for reviews – it fills my heart with joy. Seriously. And the amount of hits… blinks… just amazing…

FOR THOSE INTERESTED, KAKI-KUN did a REALLY NICE HEADSHOT OF KAKASHI for this fic… so go visit her profile (and while you're there, read her awesome stuff) and visit her deviantart website to see the fanart goodness!

* * *

_Ronsmyhero: hmmm… yes… it's a reference to the girl he killed in the beginning. Right now I've just finished "REGENERATION" which is all about WWII and shell-shock… so yeah… ummm… weird…_

_Jennjennr: yes… tying knots is important for this fic… I'm sorry that it's so slow-moving… I'm afraid – well… I can't spoil this chapter for you, but I hope you'll find this chapter allows Sakura to find more headway._

_Blackrose113: YAOI… hmmm… yes… I'm afraid I'm not really into the writing smut scenes… I leave that to better writers… (grins) but thanks for the compliment, I hope you'll enjoy this one… sorry tho – there's Yuki in it… (sweatdrops)… gomen! Gomen nasai!_

_Inquisitive: I hope this leaves you breathless! Hehehe! To be honest, I've been writing from the time I was 8… so I guess I better have my own voice by now, right? Hahaha! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. This chapter has Yukio in it – but not too much… I hope…_

_Shadow Dragon Boss: (X-file music in the background)… creepy… yes… I always wanted to have a daydream – as in a waking dream – that'd be so cool… although I don't want to jump off buildings… seeing as I've got no handy dandy chakra to slow me down…_

_Jemiul: another great critic picking up on Yuki. I think Yuki is important because he is a symbol for things that hinder our growth. I think. Maybe I'm just BS-ing… regardless… I'm glad you're really into it!_

_SweetAssassin: Glad you're okay with the slow development! I hope you'll enjoy this chappie! This was a more of a spur of the moment thing… even though I should be doing a film review… (looks furtively around) my bad!_

_Kaki-kun: I must say it again… the pic is just amazing! It makes me speechless. And I kind of feel special… weee! Other than Yukio's actions, we won't get anything from his background… (I'm not really sorry, I've got no time…) He's a mover and a shaker, but that's it… because Kakashi IS MORE IMPORTANT!_

_YAAYYYY! 2-3 more weeks of fillers and then – maybe, just maybe, we'll have the Kakashi gaiden…._

_Snowfall: I'm 'mmmm-ing' with you. I can't explain what I write sometimes. Am I twisted or what? But yes, all goodness will flow… eventually. Sometime. Can't promise when…_

_Zelha: WOW! A NEW REVIEWER! Well… in this chappie, you've got Sakura and Kakashi – but not together… sorry… this is a seriously long fic… I've got PLANS! (cackles evilly) Hang in there! Thanks for the review!_

I don't own Naruto…. Nor Kakashi….

**WARNING: M/M... YAOI. Yukio/Kakashi. And extreme angst!

* * *

**

Love: Discovery and Pain

The day outside her window was bright - warm – it reminded her of her mother's sunroom, with all those flowers which Sakura had found so hard to understand. It reminded her of the family kitchen – the flies that buzzed against the window – the comfortable smells of spices and bread.

And taking out the oldest looking book labeled 'Hatake', Sakura wondered.

_

* * *

What kind of ghosts am I going to resuscitate with this?_

* * *

She opened it up carefully. 

The first half was ancient information of long dead Hatakes – the ink was fading and some of the language was hard to understand.

_

* * *

I didn't think his family was – was that OLD. _

* * *

Sakura frowned. _

* * *

He has ancestors, damn him. Family. And he never told us. _

* * *

With a careful finger she traced the birth and death charts down. _

* * *

KIA. _

_KIA._

_Accident._

_Died in childbirth._

_Drowned._

_KIA._

_KIA._

_KIA._

_MIA._

_Unknown._

_KIA._

_KIA._

* * *

As each name was listed and each name was ended, she began to feel suffocated. _

* * *

There's nobody left, is there? Is there? _

* * *

Sighing, she leaned back and shut her eyes. _

* * *

Father says the Haruno clan isn't super old like the Hyuuga. He says that there are older families who's history dates to long ago… Was Kakashi-sama like this too? Fat lot of good that did him, though… _

* * *

It was toward the end that she hit the jackpot. _

* * *

Hatake Katashi…. KIA. That was around the time of the Second Secret War, right? Or maybe not…. Huuu…. I really need to dust up on my history… and – and… eh… _

_Hatake Ichiro. That would have been Kakashi's uncle. He died at the same time… no way… The clan head and his first son dying at the same time – what a blow… _

_Hatake…. Hatake… Minoru? Died in a farming accident… farming… They had a farm?_

* * *

Sakura propped her chin up on her palm and staring out the window sighed. She could almost see a mini-Kakashi running around a farm, chasing chickens or pigs – with a mask on… _

* * *

Or maybe not. _

_More than likely he was a lazy bum…_

_Still… the wives died of natural causes… Hatake Momoko… wife to Ichiro died of a stroke… Hatake Minoru never married… and finally… third son… Sakumo and his wife, Hanako._

_Hanako._

_What were you like?_

* * *

She looked at the dates – and her eyes widened… suddenly, scrabbling through the files she found the medical scroll concerning Hatake Hanako. Her green eyes welled up with tears as she read through it… _

* * *

Premature birth. Followed by heavy bleeding. And hypovolemic shock. Loss of mother and of child. The premature birth was brought on by a ninja ttack on the farm. _

_Where was Kakashi then?_

_Did he ever realize...?_

* * *

Kakashi – had never had a chance to know his mother – he had just turned three when he had died. 

With her had died Hatake Ryo. His unborn baby brother.

A shock.

_

* * *

He had a brother. And he lost him before he could even see him. _

* * *

Sakura hated the choked up feeling in her throat. Her tears built up and started to ache in her head. _

* * *

Well… anyway… how about his dad… _

Hatake Sakumo. Born… Died… Wait…. WHAT? Seppuku. Body found in study. Formal rites of seppuku. Suicide due to clinical depression and possible hypomania…. What was the year…

* * *

Sakura did the math and her jaw dropped open. 

Her sensei had been around seven years old.

_

* * *

HOLY SHIT! _

* * *

She leaned back, eyes glazed in shock. 

And that was it.

Well… that wasn't all of it… there was his actual medical file… Gingerly, she picked it out of the box and replaced everything else. She opened it up, blew off the dust and wondered how long it had been since anybody had used this file.

_

* * *

I guess ANBU have their own medical filing system. _

* * *

The pink-haired kunoichi shuddered. _

* * *

Kakashi-sama. When you come back… we'll be your family. I promise. _

* * *

Her eyes dropped to the first page. _

* * *

Genin injuries. _

_No big deal… uhhh… wait a sec… WHAT THE HELL?_

* * *

"Uh… Sakura… you okay?" 

Iruka poked his head in and blinked.

The medic nin was staring wide eyed at a folder spread out on her desk.

"No way," she whispered, in shock.

"What? Is something wrong? What's the matter?"

Iruka pushed his way in – glanced at the box standing to the side – and sucked in his breath sharply.

"Sakura – what are you –"

"He was a Genin at 5? That means…" She looked up and gasped – and then sighed, giving up any hope to conceal what she had been doing.

"What are you doing? Those are private files."

"I got permission," Sakura flashed Tsunade's slip. "It's so we can know what to expect when he comes back. When we get him back."

"If there's something to get back."

"But –"

"Genin at 5, yeah, I know what you feel. It's scary and sad at the same time."

"That means that –"

"He was in the Academy when he was four – his dad didn't know how to cope with him after his wife died. And the child was too precocious for his tutors. He was already exhibiting advanced stages of chakra control by then…"

"No way."

"Yes."

"You knew him back then?"

"Me?" Iruka laughed sadly. "No. Nobody knew him back then. But Genma remembers… he's much older than you think, Genma is. He remembers those Academy days…"

"I see…"

"Genin at 5, Chuunin at 6… He's quite the shinobi…"

"EHHHH!" Sakura squealed and ruffled through the pages.

Iruka was right.

The scarred nin shrugged his shoulders.

"What can I say? He was kind of like Sasuke back then… a prodigy, really… and we didn't understand him one bit…"

* * *

"_Ahhh! Ruru – look it's that weird Hatake brat… what's his name!"_

"_Scarecrow! Stupid scarecrow!"_

"_Look at his mask – who does he think he is!"_

"_Let's go teach him some pain!"_

"_Ibiki, let it be… he'll outstrip us no time…"_

"_Ebisu… you're no fun."_

"_Fight! Fight!"_

"_Anko!"_

"_Why don't we ask him to play with us, Mizuki?"_

"_Nah. He'll just think we're weird. Look at his eyes. He thinks he's better than us…"_

"_Really?" Iruka wondered, watching as the tiny white-haired kid turned from the chain link fenced and walked quickly away. "He doesn't seem so bad to me… maybe he's lonely…"_

_  
"Yeah, and maybe. Maybe. I'm a girl…" Genma laughed._

"_You aren't?"_

"_Raidooo!"_

* * *

"I see… And he was a Jounin at twelve… Due to lack of shinobi. He got a Sharingan that day, it says here." 

"That I don't know about it. Everybody who was there is now dead. Rin. Yondaime. The Rock nins… Tsunade-sama didn't have much to do with it… so…"

Iruka sighed.

"Apparently," Sakura said, as she skimmed rapidly through the technical information. "It was implanted – his friend had been pinned underneath a rock and the operation was completed by Rin."

"Brutal."

"Yeah."

"How must he feel to see everybody passing on – but has to stay behind. All the people he loved…."

Sakura sighed.

She stood up and gathering up the file, stowed it away in her knapsack. Shoving the box under her desk, she picked up her jacket, purse and knapsack.

"Where are you going?"

"Going to drop this off at my apartment and then maybe find dinner and then maybe finish this folder… I need to rest a bit…"  
"I'll join you."

"What about Shizune?"

"She away. It's okay. I need to get out too."

Sakura's eyes softened.

"Thanks, Iruka-san."

"It's the least I can do."

* * *

Kakashi topped the rise and looking down, savored the gentle sun on his arms, the smell of the grass and the new leaves just beginning to flourish on the trees. It was growing season again, and already he could see – far away, pale grey and brown blotches moving in and out of the fields and the paddies, preparing for planting – participating again and again in that process of life. 

He bent down and just rested there – the wind gently stirring his matted grey hair (he just couldn't get around to having it cut a bit shorter, so it had sort of gotten out of hand) – bringing with it the warm smell of earth and river. For one moment he reveled in it. And envied them. Their quiet lives close to the soil, peaceful and full of family and friends.

_

* * *

But that's just romanticizing, Kashi-kun. Farm life – you can remember what that really means… getting up at the crack of dawn to feed and milk the animals, gather eggs and round up the chickens for counting. There were the vegetables to weed and the fields to plow. _

* * *

He remembered in a painful flash:

* * *

"_Ahhh… Kashi-kun… you've had it easy since we've moved to the village permanently."_

"_Why did we have to move?"_

"_For you," said another voice – but softer and lighter._

_For you._

* * *

He blinked and, running his hands up over his face – up into his tangled hair, he sighed. Ever since that evening, Kakashi had buried himself even more deeply into work. His apartment seemed so ominous – and even his dojo seemed to full of things he wanted to forget. 

So there was Yukio. Yukio. Ever since that night any tensions had once gain built up. It was a vicious cycle. Kakashi could feel it brewing – like a storm building up a castle of clouds – he knew it was coming. And yet… he couldn't but help feel relieved…

_

* * *

Better the demon you know then the demon you don't…Speaking of the devil…_ Kakashi mused_. Where is he?_

* * *

"Hey!" Yukio's smile was forced – his eyes were hungry – he stepped out of the forest toward his crouching comrade, who was looking down over the cliff, enjoying the peace. It soured his mood. _

* * *

Damn the man. _

* * *

"Yo." Kakashi didn't even turn to greet him. 

That burned him even more.

"Resting?" Yukio asked striving to keep his voice light as he watched the dappled sunlight falling through the leaves to shift over the pale shoulders of his quiet teammate.

"Mmmmm…."

"Don't make me say it…"

"Hn."

"Nice day…"

"You said it."

"You're the one who's awkward!"

There was a tense pause.

Yukio tried to tear his eyes away from Kakashi's back, from his lithe body and… muscular thighs…. He shook his head.

"So, how do you feel?"

"Feel?"

"Feel. They're on their own now… Makoto and Ichiro."

"Let's hope they last longer than the other two…"

"So cold!"

"Tch."

"Don't 'tch' me!"

"Get your arm off me!"

Kakashi jerked away, glaring at his dark-haired comrade.

_

* * *

Why does he have to ruin this so much? To cheapen a moment when memories… _

* * *

"_Guess what, Kashi-kun. For your birthday, we've got a surprise!"_

"_Supwise?"_

"_Hmmm…" a soft voice said. "A trip."_

"_Where are we goin'?"_

"_To the family farm!"_

"_We're visiting Uncle?"_

"_Yeah. It'll be fun!"_

"_Can I feed the chickens?"_

"_I'm not sure…"_

"_Moothhherrr!"_

"_Now, now… you just have to ask Uncle. Sakumo, stop laughing. Talk to him about it…"_

"_Hai, hai!"_

* * *

Sitting there, he remembered. Kakashi remembered the hard little beaks that had pounced down on his small white hand full of seeds. He had cried over a particularly bloody wound he had received from a really rabid rooster and his father had soothed him as he bandaged his son with his ever present med kit. 

Kakashi could still feel the cotton shawl around him – his mother's – as she cuddled her young three year old son.

* * *

"_Ehh… Kashi-kun. Feel that! He's kicking."_

"_Hey! Little man! Hands off my wife!" joked Sakumo as he watched his son close his eyes in concentration._

_There was a silence and nothing moved._

_Kakashi frowned and reached out._

"_Saku-kun…."_

"_What…"_

_Theirmouths dropped open as Kakashi, pressing his hands against the mound beneath his mother's dress, sent a warm burst of white chakra. And, as if in echo, something sparked back – followed by a really vigorous kick._

"_Ahhh! He moved! I felt 'im! You see me, Papa!"_

"_Yes." His father's face looked proud and – something else. "I saw that."_

"_Sakumo. How is that…"_

"_He's the heir to the entire clan. The future leader. This is a gift for him. I think it's time."_

"_Time? Time fo' what?"_

"_Time for bed, young man!"_

"_But, Paappaaaa! I'm not sleepy!"_

"_Oh… you will be – when I talk about the newest hairstyle Jiji-sama has come up with it…"_

"_Papa! Noooo!"_

"_Saku-kun. No perverted stories for bed time!"_

"_But they're the best!"_

"_Saku-kun."_

_A definite warning._

"_Hai, hai!"_

_He ran to his mom and gave her a hug. Her hands were warm as they surrounded him – he looked up. But her face was a blur._

_He couldn't see her face._

_Mother._

_Kashi-kun._

_Kakashi!_

* * *

"Yo! Kakashi! Stop it!" 

Kakashi blinked awake – staring back into Yukio's concerned eyes.

"Whoa. You really spaced out there for a second…" His comrade's eyes dropped.

Kakashi numbly released his knees and allowed his hands to drop to his sides.

"It's nothing."

"You went spastic and it's nothing? You're one sick bastard, Kakashi! Twisted. Sick. Selfish."

"Selfish?"

"Selfish to hoard all those memories! You never share anything with me, do you? You treat me like shit!"

Kakashi frowned and sighed.

"Yukio. I don't need you to go all psycho on me right now. Calm down."

"Psycho? You call me psycho? You want to know who the real psycho is? It's you, BITCH!"

_

* * *

Bitch. _

* * *

The word was punctuated by a slap and Kakashi scrambled to his feet, panting heavily – an urge to just… _kill_… overwhelming him. He could feel the imprint of Yukio's hand through his mask. _

* * *

The bastard put some chakra behind that. The mother – _

* * *

He never finished that particular train of thought. It was _mother_ he faltered at. And he wondered why it was on THIS day? _

* * *

Is there something I have forgotten? _

* * *

He choked out blood as Yukio rammed him viciously into a tree and then just as traitorously, kicking him in the groin. Kakashi, falling forward, biting back a moan, wondered. 

Yuki leaned down.

"I envy you. To be able to look like that – even now…"

Confused Kakashi looked up into two glittering eyes. A left hand – callused and scarred – obscured his vision – as it ran its fingers down his face, tenderly removing the mask.

_

* * *

He's so beautiful. But then… there's nothing better than a broken beauty. _

* * *

He leaned down. Kakashi didn't even try to move. He just closed his eyes and welcomed the rush of memories – memories to help him forget the present. To reject the pain of the present – the needy mouth on his. _

* * *

He could feel his father's arms coming around him, crushing him – to hide, to find some sort of resolution – to vent his grief in a bear hug. Kakashi hadn't understood. _

* * *

"_Truly, this is the best for our small family. If Kakashi is free to build himself and the Hatake a better name, it would fulfill my wishes and give me joy and fulfillment in the afterworld. Knowing he will do well is better than seeing all our hopes wither._

_I hope he understands._

_I love him so much."_

* * *

"_However. Given time, this year, with practice, you and I can change this. To reap the full potential given to both of us. Inside us."_

* * *

"_Kakashi. Obito comes from a great clan but you come from a great man. Never be ashamed of your name – Hatake Sakumo is a name associated with the Sannins for all time."_

* * *

"_Why did we have to move?"_

"_For you," said another voice – but softer and lighter._

_For you._

* * *

"_Where is she? Where's Mama?"_

"_K-kash – Kakashi… Mama – isn't going to be living here anymore… she's gone away on a long journey…"_

"_A mission?"_

"_No. Not a mission…"_

"_Did little brother stay with us?"  
_

_"No. He – he's gone to be with Mama. She can take better care of him anyway. Kakashi…"_

"_She'll come back, right? We can wait for her."_

_He could feel his father's arms coming around him, crushing him – to hide, to find some sort of resolution – to vent his grief in a bear hug. Kakashi hadn't understood._

* * *

Those arms circling around him. Crushing him. He still didn't understand. _

* * *

Why? Why, Mama? _

* * *

A pair of burning lips kissed the one falling tear away. _

* * *

Beauty is best when it is broken.

* * *

_

**NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't go there Kakashi-kun!**

**Next episode: Faith: Journeys to the Past. Sasuke skirted around his family complex, trying to tamp down the feelings of anxiety he always felt when he neared his old home. this was for Kakashi he would do anything for him. Even if - The dark-haired shinobi stopped. Mid-track, mid-thought. He had thought his own complex was in bad shape - but the tangled wilderness of scrub and flower, crumbling brick... The sounds of creaking swing echoed - eerie in the still noon air - this wasn't a home anymore than the Uchiha complex was... it was a graveyard.**


	12. Faith: Wilderness of the Heart

_THANKS TO ALL MY REVIEWERS AND ALL THOSE WHO READ THIS! 112 reviews in total, ARIGATOU!_

_

* * *

SweetAssassin: I'll let you in on a little secret - Not this chapter, but the next chapter will be Saku/Kaka interaction! I've got it all planned out! Hope you enjoy this though! _

_OtakuAnime131: (cries with you) Ohhh… dear…. Yes… well…. I was listening to some pretty sad music when I wrote that chapter as well… I hope you don't get to upset with this chappie! Although it ain't the happiest either… arms open wide to angst…_

_Tixylix: A NEW REVIEWER! YAY! I hope you enjoy this! Thanks for giving me the smile! (at least… that's what I'm going to take that as…)_

_Jennjennr: Thanks for the very thoughtful review – and I'm glad you liked the insights into his character. I tried to have flashbacks and increase the clarity. I'm afraid I can get a little too convoluted at times… (shifty eyes) but I'm glad that the words were evocative and a great read. I hope you'll bear with me here. This chapter is another 'revelation' chapter but the next chapter… (rubs hands) will be for you._

_Inquisitive: Well… I hope that you won't be disappointed. I'm glad that you read the previous two novels because this chapter will make A LOT of sense then, for you. As for Yukio… hee hee hee… yes…_

_Keakun: Yukio is… yes… convoluted… I'm glad you enjoyed the angst. Broken guys are the best. Especially when it comes around to mending them! A couple nights ago, I was lying in bed tweaking the plot and having so much fun… (sigh)… I just have got to find time to write this in between exams! (sigh)_

_Jemiul: I'm glad you liked the style. I've been experimenting slightly lately… but always feel free to tell me when things get confusing! I hope you'll enjoy this next chappie as well…_

_Blackrose113: ha! Yes! Angst. I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the kind review! Hope you like the upcoming chapters! Things are going to speed up… sort of…_

_Shadow Dragon Boss: Less Yukio in this chappie. But yep. Yukio is CREEPY! But love shall prevail. Especially when it comes to Sakura and Kakashi! HURRAH!_

_1Kenshinlover: Thanks for the review! I'm so glad to hear from new people! Yes. They will get back together. But there is a lot of darkness on the way… why? Because I'm a sick, twisted evil writer who wants to stretch Kakashi beyond his limits._

_Sabireru: Here 'tis the update for you! Sorry about the wait – but school calls. It would suck if I failed another university course…. Really suck… My mom would kill me. And then she'd be like, why? And then I'd be like… coughcoughKakashicoughcough… I'm glad you're down with the whole DARK aspect!_

_Snowfall: I'm glad you're jabbering. Although… Yukio isn't going to play a large part in this whole deal. You can beat him with your stick if you want… I give you full permission to!_

_Newtype Omega: WOW! I never had a review from you before, and I'm really glad to hear from a new review – especially from somebody who seems to have a head on their shoulders. (Speaking of which, your kindness has really swelled my head up to unbelievable proportions… I took your review home and paraded it in front of my siblings, saying… "Hara! See! Fanfic-ing IS good because it IS rewarding!") Kaka/Saku has always been my favorite pairing ever since reading Leafy Girl although, meleth78 really made me see the possibilities of Kaka/Iru… hehehehe….. I am a totally obsessed fan when it comes to Kakashi (in fact, when Dave Wittenburg comes to Toronto for the Anime Convention, I'll be there to get this autography by hook or crook)… and I think the show could do more justice to the man… but sadly… it's ALL about Naruto – and lately we've been wondering if the Kakashi Gaiden will EVER be made… (weep) I'm very please that you think my works have created a definitive version on Kakashi and the Hatake – personally I wanted to create an epic that would be in canon and in character with as few OCs as possible. I hope I'm fulfilling that… And you're right about time. Time is all that is needed – and I hope I can portray that properly here. In total, thanks for the great review, you really made my day. To be honest, Naruto fans are the most responsive to everything – they are the most giving and excited – so that really encourages me to write more! Ja ne!_

**

* * *

So 15 pages of goodness! I hope you enjoy this! To be honest, I found writing Sasuke to be VERY, VERY TOUGH! So be frank and tell me how I did… getting into his head was hard, so I hope it's believable. **

**Insert Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or Kakashi. But I do own Yukio! Bwahahaha!**

**READ AND REVIEW! PLEASE! It doesn't take long. You can be anonymous. You can be frank! This is free entertainment – so, it's the least you can do!**

**WARNING: Reference to _White Fang, Lightning's Howl_. If you haven't read the first book of this series, you might not understand some references!**

* * *

Faith: Wilderness of the Heart

* * *

"_If you break faith with us who die, _

_We shall not sleep though poppies grow _

_In Flander's Field." (McCrae)_

* * *

While Sakura was browsing through the medical files, enjoying the warmth of the early morning sun filtering through her window, Sasuke walked down the main street of Konoha wondering where on earth he was supposed to start. Konoha was a busy town – bustling, populous – and, ever since the end of the war, strange to the Uchiha. Much of the outer city limits and the downtown had been reconstructed due to the destruction of the Sannin's massive summoning – and Naruto. _

* * *

Naruto. _

_The idiot._

_I wonder what he's doing right now…_

* * *

Sasuke sniffed. And then sighed. 

Finding a small café (just opened), he ordered a small cup of tea and watched the people pass. Yelling shopkeepers. Men with packages and boxes. Mailmen. Policemen….

_

* * *

Father… _

* * *

Sasuke blinked and glared fiercely at a young girl who was staring at him across the street. She squeaked and turned away. The young ninja sighed. _

* * *

Whatever. _

* * *

There were women, haggling over vegetables. Measuring clothe. Selling herbs. Parading for a couple of ninja. Giggling. Gossiping. 

It reminded him of Sakura, Hinata and Ino together. Or when Kurenai and Tsubaki hung out.

_

* * *

Women… They're just so weird… I wonder if mother was ever like that when she saw my dad in the streets… _

* * *

For the first time in his life, Sasuke felt something expanding in his gut – not that everlasting hatred for his maniac brother which hadn't faded yet – but something keen. 

It was loss.

And not the loss of his parents. But the loss of memories.

Sitting there, surrounded by the bustling noisy crowds. He felt so alone.

_

* * *

So alone. _

* * *

It only seemed like yesterday he was running into the family kitchen to see his father sitting there, reading the paper and smoking his pipe – his mother was at the counter, wrapping up his bento box.

* * *

"_Be careful, Sasuke-kun!"_

* * *

For fourty-five minutes, he sat there – contemplative and surrounded by memory. 

"Uchiha-san?" a young voice called – and Sasuke looked up, dark eyes unreadable.

It was Konohamaru with his two teammates – all of them now proud members of the Chuunin ranks.

"Konohamaru-kun," Sasuke sighed. "Where's Ebisu-san?"

"Oh! He's coming! We're going out on a a highly important mission to –"

"Oi! Don't blab like that, Moegi-chan!"

"Yeah," mumbled Udon. "It's top secret."

Sasuke tried to look impressed. And failed. He stood, the better to make his get away. Naruto put up with the brats, but Sasuke had better, more important things to do.

"Don't you have a mission to complete, Sasuke-niichan?" asked Udon timidly. "Perhaps an S-rank?"

Sasuke smiled.

"Not today." He frowned. "I've got other things to do – ah! Ebisu-sensei!"

"Sasuke-kun! Fancy meeting you here! You are doing well, I trust?" Ebisu adjusted his shades and smirked.

"I'm well. And you?"

"As fine as one can be with a team such as this…"

"Ebisssuuuu-seeennnsseeiii!" the teens wailed. "We are NOT!"

"So – are you off to a mission as well? As a diligent shinbi should?"

Sasuke blinked and then tilted his head.

"Ebisu-san…"  
"Eh?"

The younger Jounin hesitated.

"I was wondering if you perhaps knew about the Hatake clan."  
"The Hatake?"

"The Hatake."

"You mean – as in, Hatake Kakashi?"

"Yes."  
"Welll…. Not that much… There are none around, not many remember those days…" Ebisu frowned. "Kakashi-sama…"

"I'm trying to find out if he had a house or anything like that – a family house…"

Ebisu settled his shades more firmly on his nose.

"I had forgotten-" He said, totally stunned.

"Yes. So…"  
"Well, I had heard that there WAS a family – complex and all – but where – I do not know…" Ebisu sighed. "And I would help you – but we're off to an important mission – there are Jounin I could talk to myself…"

"Could I have their names then?"  
"Ask – ummm…."

Ebisu sighed.

Sasuke waited.

"Genma. Asuma. Gai. Maybe…. Yamato-san… But – best of all – well – I hate to admit this – it's probably best for you to ask that perverted – (cough) – that is to say, the great Jiraiya-sama."

"Let's go, Ebisu-sama!"  
"HURRY UP!"

"We're running late!"

But Ebisu lingered. As he stared at Sasuke, his face seemed touched by regret and loss.

_

* * *

I never knew him well – he always seemed to be a pompous jerk,_ thought Sasuke_. But that's Naruto's point of view for you… Did he know Kaka-sensei that much? No. Then… why…_

* * *

"I am deeply ashamed…" Ebisu sighed, as he turned away. "To have forgotten about a ninja – no - a great prodigy such as your sensei. I had – have great respect for him. But I fear that if he isn't dead, he may as well be…" 

A pause.

"I must go. Good luck, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke watched the team disappear down the road in a cloud of brown dust.

_

* * *

Ebisu seemed upset. Just like Iruka-sensei. _

* * *

Sasuke sighed. _

* * *

Just like me. _

* * *

He smirked. _

* * *

Heh. And Naruto will have to be the one to talk to them… ah well… I'm going to have to find Jiraiya-sama…. Jiraiya-sama… what connection does Sensei have with the Sannin? _

* * *

After a moments thought, Sasuke turned away – heading in the opposite direction from the Kage's office to find the baths, the river and the Sannin's favorite peeping spot at the waterfalls. _

* * *

Some things don't change,_ Sasuke sighed as he watched the white-haired, number one pervert from his perch in a tree.

* * *

"What do you want, little brat?" the older man growled, his telescope unwaveringly focused on seven girls slashing in the women's only swimming spot. Sasuke fell out of his tree rather ungracefully. 

"Why surprised?" Jiraiya smirked. "I may be old – but not that old…"

"What're you doing here, old man?"

"So cold." Jiraiya lowered his telescope and shifted around. "I'm just resting these old bones – research for my next Icha Icha…"

Sasuke snorted.

"I still can't get over the fact that your soap opera is still going strong."

"It's a classical set of novels, you philistine!"  
"Soap opera in print, pervert! And you should be at work."  
"Work…" mumbled Jiraiya. "the old hag gave me time off today."

"Time off?"

"Like I said, resting my bones."

"Hard mission?"

"Mission. No. Something personal came up. Hit me like a load of bricks, you could say. Well… I've got it in control. Give me time…" Jiraiya stopped, his eyes narrowed. "Speaking of missions… what about you?"

"I'm trying to find out if Kakashi-sensei ever had a family house. Was it destroyed in the Battle at the Gates? Did the Hatake ever have a house to begin with?"

Jiraiya blinked.

Sasuke jerked out Tsunade's white slip.

"The Hokage made this official."

Jiraiya sighed, shut his eyes, stood up and then stared off somewhere into the underbrush.

"Tsunade… you think it's that time, already?"

* * *

"Jiraiya-sama?"  
"Huh? Oh! Yeah… well… they had a compound sure enough… Complex. Ghetto. Whatever…" 

"And?"

"I would have thought you'd know. Didn't your father say anything?"

Sasuke frowned.

"I don't remember him saying anything about the Hatake…"

"How about White Fang? Ever mention that?"  
Sasuke's eyes widened in memory.

"Yeah! I heard that name before…"

_

* * *

He was a young kid standing outside of his father's study, straining to hear the low voices within. _

"_Of course, just like White Fang. A coward and a soft-hearted idiot. He won't go far."_

"_But he's –"  
"Itachi. Nobody will go as afar as you…"  
"There's Sasuke."_

"_Sasuke. Highly unlikely. But he's Uchiha. He won't be a White Fang, either."_

* * *

"Ummm… well… your old man was kind of hard on himself and others. He wasn't the type to understand the Hatake." 

"White Fang was Hatake?"  
"He was Hatake Sakumo. Kakashi's father."

"Kakashi's father?"

Sasuke ran a hand through his hair distractedly.

_

* * *

I always saw him as a Jounin-sensei. A great, cool, powerful mysterious killing machine – not as – not as a kid who'd had a father… White Fang… what did he do? _

* * *

"So… the Hatake?" 

"Yeah, well. Your father felt the Uchiha had a lot to prove – Sakumo's family is equally old – but not so big – still… Sakumo took thing's easy. He wasn't in your face about things like clan jutsu or pride or anything…"

"Father wouldn't have understood that, yes…"

"Well – don't get me wrong – before everything went downhill, Sakumo was bubbling over with this secret about some long lost Hatake clan jutsu. You must understand, Sasuke – White Fang was a great guy – as great as one of us Sannin. Respect for him spread through all of this continent…"

"You don't have to exaggerate…" Sasuke sighed as Jiraiya's prose became more and more flowery.

"I'm not exaggerating," Jiraiya sighed. "He was a great man – he was my best friend – my comrade and fellow prankster – heh heh heh…"

"Perverts."

"So cold, Sasuke! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're gay…"

"I'm not."

"Whatever. When Sakumo's wife birthed his first son – we got so drunk! Ah! He called him Kakashi – hn. That's what happens when you're not in full control when it's time to name the kid. Ah well! He was so proud of young Kashi-kun. But when his wife died, he was never quite the same…"

"His wife died?"

"Yeah. When Kakashi was so young too! I guess it's hard for you to see your sensei like that – but he was always a genius – even without his Sharingan – and I –"

* * *

"JIRAIYA-SAMMMAAA! What're you doing?" 

Izumo burst into the clearing – and then stopped as he caught sight of the Uchiha boy lounging nearby, with the Frog Summoning Sannin, sitting on the ground, actually looking thoughtful. Kotetsu bumped into him from behind and then snorted.

"Sasuke-kun! Are you going down the path of the pervert?"

Sasuke twitched.

"Of course not! What do you think you're implying?"

Izumo blinked, Kotetsu rolled his eyes.

"I see what I see…"

"Well, you're seeing it wrong!"

"Sure, sure."

"Jiraiya-sama," Izumo bowed. "Tsunade-sama wishes to speak with you."

The white-haired Sannin frowned.

"I'm busy here!"

"She says –"  
"She can –"

"Jiraiya-sama," Sasuke said quietly. "I can find it no problem."

He grinned as Izumo latched onto Jiraiya's arm with an air of fierce determination. Kotetsu had liberated the elder's telescope and was putting it to good use on the girls.

"Hagane Kotetsu!" bellowed his cross Jounin partner. "Don't make me come over there!"

Kotetsu swung the telescope around to focus on his friend's flushed face.

Izumo frowned, Kotetsu pouted.

"But this is funner."

"You mean, funnier," corrected Sasuke.

"Or more fun," prompted Jiraiya.

"That sounds awkward," Kotetsu muttered.

"NOW'S NOT THE TIME!" yelled Izumo.

Without another word, Sasuke tore himself away from the very laughable situation.

_

* * *

Idiots. _

* * *

The sun now climbed high into the bright blue of the sky. Sasuke wandered through the desolate streets of the older part of town – it was eerie – the silence that seemed tow watch you. He passed by the old Uchiha complex. 

For a moment, he paused at the gates – to look inside and remember.

He could still see their faces – the old lady and her husband – some distant great aunt. The scuff-scuff of her broom and the warm smell of freshly baked bread. Far away, he could hear a young girl humming as she hung up bed sheets on the line. Flap flap – the fabric whipped out in the wind.

After a few minutes, Sasuke moved on – unsure of himself and his feelings.

_

* * *

There is sorrow. There is anger. Itachi is still out there – but I haven't lost. After all, even though I no longer am searching for him. Life has more important things for me – like life itself. Naruto. Sakura. They are more important. He has lost .his mission to ruin my life has failed. All thanks to Naruto. Sakura. And Kakashi-sensei. _

_I've been in the dark – now I'm walking in the light._

* * *

Sasuke had thought his silent Uchiha ghetto was devastatingly abandoned – but the run down Morino estate and the shabby grounds of the Namiashi (which was over run with brown-haired children) shocked him even more. 

Streets opened to his feet that he never even knew existed before.

He kept to the main road out of fear of losing his ways – but as he passed huge walls and imposing doors, he began to see how important the ninja clans were to Konoha.

The Yuuhi are pretty impressive – not to mention the Hyuuga…

"S-sasuke-kun?" A soft voice called out his name – and the dark-haired, dark-eyed heir to the Hyuuga stepped out of her estate's gate.

_

* * *

The old idiot knows nothing, the young Uchiha thougt as he checked out Hinata's slim hips and fine hands. _

_There are attractive girls out there to enjoy. It's a shame though that she's still so hung up on Naruto._

* * *

"Hinata. Yo." 

"What are you –" she blushed.

"Uchiha. You're visiting your main house?" asked a husky voice behind the slight girl.

"Neji. And Hanabi. You guys aren't busy today?"

"Clan meeting. And how about yourself?"

"N-neji-kun!" Hinata gasped. "Behave!"

Sasuke smiled.

"I'm looking for the dojo of the Hatake."

"Hatake. Don't know them," Hanabi sniffed dismissively.

"No. It's familiar to me," Neji murmured.

"Now that you mention it…" Hinata mused.

"It was your sensei, was it not?" asked Neji.

Sasuke nodded.

"Yeah. I'm looking for his dojo."

"He had an estate? That guy had a family?"

Sasuke shrugged. He didn't really want to talk about it.

"Oi! Hinata! Where are you?"

"Father!"

"Oh! My deepest apologies, Uchiha-san. I had no idea you were there! Please feel free to come in and take noon tea with us! We just got out of a clan meeting but…"

Sasuke bowed.

"Thank you, but I'm sorry – I need to find something before the day ends."  
There was a pause, Hiashi blinked carefully.

"Finds some thing in this end of town?"

"Yes."

"The Hyuuga, Namiashi, Sarutobi, Maito, Gekkou and Yuuhi are all that is left in this old quarter. We can help you find what you seek – but there is nothing to find further on down this road. The rest of this town is dead."

"What houses lie around here, then?" asked Sasuke, giving Hinata a quelling look.

"They are abandoned estates – the mansions of the Hokages, the Hagane and the Hatake."

"The Hatake estates are further down this road? Thank you very much," Sasuke bowed and darted off.

* * *

Lord Hiashi sighed. 

"He wanted to find some thing at the Hatake place? But there's nothing there… ever since…"

"Father?" Hinata asked timidly. "Hatake had a place like us?"

"Of course," said Lord Hyuuga as he turned away, his two daughters and newphew trailed after him. "They were like the Hyuuga and the Uchiha – but they were loyal to Konoha to a fault. Wars cut down their numbers – their white chakra was in high demand – and so nothing is left."

"Except for Hatake Kakashi," corrected Neji.

"One man left? So much responsibility to revive his clan!" Hinata breathed. "That must be hard to carry!"

"I'm surprised he hasn't got himself a wife…"

"That Hatake – Kakashi-sama… he grew up as a hard, lonely child into a hard, lonely man. He is better where he is. The Hatake have lost all hope – they are dead. Come, Hanabi. Enough of this talk. We need to train."

* * *

While watching his cousins spar – 

"Hanabi, use your agility to reach lower!"

Watching them slip down, sideways, up: the cupped hands and the lines of chakra –

"Hinata, focus on your right hand guard."

Hinata's flushed face, Hanabi's chewed lip…

Neji could still remember that Chuunin Exam – the exam which changed the course of his life.

* * *

"_I definitely will win."_

_Naruto._

* * *

And even Genma had shared the wisdom of life he so desperately needed.

* * *

"_Even a caged bird, yearning for freedom, attempts to escape his cage."_

* * *

It had been the year Neji had learned that life needn't be a series of closed doors or missed opportunities. 

And he remembered Gai, talking with that Kakashi about Rock Lee.

* * *

"_I am disappointed in you, Gai. You've gone too far."_

* * *

And that day, Kakashi, Sakura and Naruto returned with Sasuke – they had all looked half dead but triumphant. _

* * *

Would I go that far for Lee? Or TenTen? _

_If I was Sasuke, I would be like him. My whole being would be bent on the truth._

_Uchiha. I wish you luck._

* * *

The faded sign of the Hatake rested under the mountain at the juncture of rock and wall. Here, the bright sun attempted to reach down into the desolation – but only a few soft rays fell, giving everything a dull look. Rusty at the hinges, the wooden gates didn't look as if they could be opened without falling apart – the lintel and the boards were rotting away. 

Jumping lightly up to the wall, Sasuke stood there, stunned as he overlooked the wild splendor of the Hatake's expansive estate.

It was a ghost town.

The silence was so creepy, Sasuke turned. Over the rooftops, he could see the Academy's imposing façade and, as if far away in another dimension – the sounds of market still showed that somewhere, there was life.

Sasuke turned back.

It was a host town in a living world. Huge and shabbily aristocratic.

Halfway down the middle of the estate, lay a cobbled walkway – older than anything Sasuke had seen before – with grass growing up between the cracks. On either side of the walk, ten plus buildings were crammed in with intermittent gardens – all of them lay empty. But Sasuke could see similarities to his own abandoned home. The baker, the butchers, the cobbler and the stables.

His eyes followed the green and grey road up until the grounds opened to a wide area with a couple of trees and a huge central garden which had taken over everything now.

Carefully making his way down the street, and up through the garden, Sasuke looked around, dazed.

_

* * *

The Hatake must have loved the earth. So many flowers. And even now…. _

* * *

The thought escaped him. _

* * *

This is where Kakashi was born. Where he played. _

* * *

Fading petals blew away in the wind and playing shivers on his back, a rope and board swing blew back and forth in the wind. 

In one second, he saw it – as if a dream – a vision of a young, white-haired boy laughing into the wind as a pretty, black-haired woman pushed him – and then a tall, white-haired man clasped her waist hugging her. She giggled hysterically.

* * *

"_Stop it, Saku-chan!"_

"_Papa! Papa! You're home!"_

_The boy flung himself off the swing and sailing through the air, landed into his father's arms._

_Papa._

* * *

Blinking furiously, the ebony haired Uchiha turned away, and making his way carefully up creaking wooden stairs, found the door and pried it slowly open. _

* * *

How many years has anybody been here? If he was young when he left the place, it must have been over twenty years… and yet… the flowers look like work has been done on them. And the door isn't impossible to open. _

_Has he been here recently?_

_There is no sign of anybody living here._

_So then…_

* * *

Inside, the air was dusty, musty, grimy and moldy. And definitely uninhabited. A thick layer of dust covered everything – although it looked rather neat, as if it had been cleaned before it was abandoned. 

He found the dining room, the ground floor bathroom and a small sunroom/patio ensemble out back. Beyond the house to the back, an even larger garden stretched with a small training ground out back. Looking down from the second floor, he could see a small personal family shrine in the middle of the wilderness, but no candle flickered there and no incense had been lit.

Sasuke felt an incredible burden of sadness.

Even he still visited the ghetto every month to visit the family shrine, to burn the incense and visit with his dead. But here, everything had been forgotten and discarded. There was no one left to remember these people.

_

* * *

Only one man left who didn't want to be found. _

* * *

He turned away to survey the room again. It had been the master's bedroom – once again, there were signs of occupation – not too recent, but close enough to make him wonder if his sensei had perhaps been here several years back. Pock marks on the walls indicated where vines had once grown and had been ripped out. The window itself had received new trimming and a new coat of paint with better insulation against the green. _

* * *

But even then… _

* * *

Sasuke smiled. _

* * *

You cannot keep the wilderness out. _

* * *

Vines had once again found a crack and were already making their way around the window and back into the room. 

There was nothing in the room, except for clothes and books.

Sasuke went through all of them carefully. Old-fashioned yukatas, pants that would look alright on Jiraiya… tall clothes for a tall man. And ruined silks, rotting cottons (damp must have found its way in somehow) for the dark-eyed beauty.

Under one floorboard, he found a small stash of photos. Black and white pictures of a masked man and a dark-haired girl with a small baby in their arms. And other ones of later years, still happy. Reverently, he lifted them up and placed them in his backpack, alongside a couple of notebooks.

He went to visit Kakashi's bedroom.

At least, he figured it must have been Kakashi's.

This room had been left absolutely untouched. It was a small time capsule – a moment frozen in time – as if the child had dropped everything where he stood and never looked back. White sheets draped over everything, but on them, Sasuke could see large footprints – as if someone had entered the room and stood there – had stood there, rejected memory and turned around. After taking a few photos of the footprints in the cloth, he rolled them back to reveal books, mini shuriken and kunai, punch bags and weights scattered all over the ground.

Try as he might he could find no toys or games that boys would normally play with. Carefully unrolling a particularly brittle scroll, he found himself laughing (then coughing) at the boy's obviously failed attempts to copy the kanji for the bunshin jutsu.

_

* * *

Papa is sick again. _

* * *

That was the only interesting entry in the whole scroll. A scrawling "Kakashi" gave a clue to the author and the date… 

Sasuke did the math.

_

* * *

He had only been 7. _

* * *

Downstairs, he found the study tucked away in one corner. 

Kakashi must have spent more time in this room – this place has been seriously reconstructed.

On the desk, there were traces of books and writing utensils. Going through the garbage can, Sasuke found a crumpled note.

The handwriting – scrawling, misspelled and skewed – could be none other than his sensei. It didn't say much, just a list.

_

* * *

Dog food. Soup. Vegetables. Breads. A couple of sweets. _

_Balanced as always. But then, if he's been alone for so long, he probably learned how to take care of himself. He's more like me than I imagined. How selfish I was back then…_

* * *

And then, suddenly, Sasuke was back to that day Kakashi found him and bound him to the tree to give him a talk.

* * *

"_You wouldn't know anything!" Sasuke screamed at his sensei, rage flowing off him in waves. "You don't know what if feels like to have some important to you, die!"_

"_No." His sensei had smiled. So casual. "Because all of my friends are dead anyway."_

* * *

And then later, he had said that we are lucky to have a second chance. To have friends now. To make a new life. 

Sasuke turned away from the memory and stared down at the list again. It too was dated.

_

* * *

8 years ago. 8 years ago, he was here. Which means… that was just around the time I left. He came back here, just after I left. Why? What was here that he needed? What did he take? _

* * *

In the study's shelves lay a huge amount of books and scrolls. Sasuke took down each one, shook them out, and scanned them. A lot of them were strategy books. All of them had the name Hatake Sakumo crossed out on the front page, with Hatake Kakashi replacing them in a very childish hand. _

* * *

No wonder he's so smart – if he read all these, he sure did above and beyond his homework! _

* * *

Nothing interesting besides a family geneaology scroll was to be found in the shelves. In the desk, Sasuke found an old fragmentary diary with another list written by Kakashi wedged in as a bookmark.

* * *

"_Rafe. Still haven't gotten far enough. Must talk to Pakkun about this more indepth. Ask Tsunade for time off for training. Sakura's exam is going to come up at the end of this year – must be there for that too. Note to self: don't be late! Also, need to get more dog biscuits for Pakkun – and buy a new tent as Father's is totally useless."_

_Same date. 8 years ago._

_Who the heck is Rafe?_

_And Sakura… he must have been at Sakura's Chuunin Exam, right?_

* * *

Sasuke stowed away the journal and the paper along side the pictures, the first list and the scrolls. He had even snagged a couple of the miniature shuriken. Once packed, Sasuke stood there, making a farewell to the tomb of a great family. Without looking behind, he stepped out onto the huge patio out back and found his way through the massive garden to the very back – beyond the Shrine – where he found in the left hand corner of the estate, a broken down shed. 

The young man gasped as he recognized the smell of old blood – and the scruff marks in the hardened mud – still present. Jerking out his small camera, he took multiple pictures of the ground – the claw like marks of a hand, and the broken wall of the flimsy shed. It looked as though somebody or something had been thrown at it. Three sets of foot prints.

_

* * *

Two with boots, one with…. _

_Clogs?_

_Jiraiya?_

* * *

And then the two boots walked towards the wall. Boots #1 seemed to have fallen and Boots #2 had obviously picked him up and carried him off. Clogs… Clogs had obviously been the one thrown against the shed… _

* * *

Jiraiya-sama… _

"_Time off?"_

"_Like I said, resting my bones."_

"_Hard mission?"_

"_Mission. No. Something personal came up. Hit me like a load of bricks, you could say. Well… I've got it in control. Give me time…" _

_What had happened here? Why didn't he tell me?_

* * *

Sasuke jumped up and away, even more confused than before. He stopped at the top of the wall. And looked over the wilderness and then the huge main house, blocking the view of the rest of the houses and silent walk – and then the forever closed gates. 

For him, he understood this. It was good that he had come. It reminded him that although the Uchiha were now slowly forgotten – that their homes were now empty – there was hope. It lay with him. He was there to carry it on.

He would not break faith with his father or his mother. He had walked in darkness – but now he lived in the land of the light. In the land of the living.

And like Kakashi-sensei had once risked his life to bring a teammate back, Sasuke would too. He could not break faith with his team. He would definitely not lose.

Without another word, he left.

* * *

Realization hit Kakashi hard in the middle of battle. Well… it was more like the end. As his kunai found its way across the throat of the enemy shinobi, he suddenly understood why it was this day of all days that he seemed to find the most sorrow in the green leaves and blood red flowers. 

Why the sound of children grated on his nerves. Why Yukio's touch seemed filthy. Why the sun seemed too bright, why the farmers too peaceful, why the cicadas too cheery.

He hated it all and now he understood.

It was the anniversary of her death. The dark-haired beauty he never really knew other than the warm pair of arms around him as sat in her lap.

_

* * *

Mother. _

* * *

Somebody's foot found a home in his ribs and as he doubled over, coughing up blood, while receiving a vicious kick to the head, all he though was – _

* * *

Mother. _

* * *

Yukio ended up saving Kakashi's butt. 

"I'm only saving it because I need it," he leered as he bent over the prostrate shinobi. "Looks like you did your arm in. Let's get you to a medic."

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Kakashi growled, rocking himself to his feet, slicing his mask off so he could spit his blood out onto the soft grass. "I'm fine."

"Kakashi."

"Shut up. Go away."

"You need to get to bed."

"I've got something else to do."

"Let me help you."

"No."

"You can't –"

"Shut the fuck up and get the hell out of here before I rip your throat out!"

Perhaps it was the look in Kakashi's eyes or maybe his tone of voice when he said that. The tone – dead. Dead. Dead serious.

Yukio shivered.

"You're fucked, man," he said.

Kakashi didn't reply – he merely watched as the hunter-nins came in to complete the job. Then he turned away.

"Kakashi."

The white-haired nin didn't turn, so Yukio apparated in front of the man.

"Here."

A soft black mask slid down over the Copy Nin's head – Kakashi blinked.

"Only I can see your face," Yukio whispered, leaning forward to kiss Kakashi's shoulder. "You're mine, remember."

He left before Kakashi could kill himself trying to kill him. Kakashi shrugged and turned away. He had more important things to worry about than Yukio or his badly cut and bandaged arm.

_

* * *

Mother. _

_If I break faith with you… you shall not sleep._

_Sleep, mother, sleep._

_**

* * *

Next episode: **_

_**Naruto fainted at the amount of mission reports. **_

"_**You said you wanted to see all of them," Tsunade grinned evilly. "Here are all the unclassified stuff – including his notes on Team 7."**_

"_**Woah… I'll need help…"**_

"_**Feh. Don't look at me like that…"**_

"_**Well… I'll take some from everything and leave the rest here. I've got to go talk to people…"**_

"_**Don't try to run away from this Naruto… NARUTOOO! Get the hell back here and clean this up! Naruto!" A pause. "Izumo! Kotetsu!"**_

"_**Hai, hai!"**_

"_**Get this crap out of here – Ah! You brought Jiraiya-sama!"**_

"_**You'd think she'd be grateful."**_

"_**You'd think she'd be kind."**_

"_**Why is it always us?"**_

"_**Shhh… if we're surreptitious, we can listen in to what Jiraiya's come to talk about…"**_

"_**Oh yeah…"**_

"_**You've got a brain, Hagane… use it."**_

_**

* * *

Kakashi rarely showed his face in public places anymore. But this was important. It was the least he could do for her. He would do anything. Besides, dusk had fallen – and nobody would be out now, would they? **_

_**But the memorial, the family shrine and the graveyard each have an important visitor.**_


	13. small wheels within

**As you know, I'm rarely the sensitive type of writer who does drastic things because of a review.**

**But because of Mandy123, inquisitive, Newtype Omega, Kaki-kun, Kira-reen and others who have placed a lot of (I hope not misplaced) interest in this fic, I've decided to take it more seriously and thus, rehab the last chapter to prepare it better for the plot that I had in mind.**

**This isn't a CHANGE (I don't change content for readers) but it is a RENOVATION! So I have tweaked the form a bit, placed in a bit of scenery, added a couple of bits to justify future plotlines…. Anyway! Hope you enjoy this and forgive this RE-POSTING!**

**I HAVE written a new chapter, which I hope you'll enjoy!**

**I don't own Naruto!**

* * *

SMALL WHEELS WITHIN

"Kakashi-kun! Kashi-kun! Where are you?"

Underneath the family table, hidden by the kotatsu, Kakashi stifled a giggle while carefully masking his chakra signature like his father had taught him last week. This was a mission – and he was going to pass.

"Oi! Kakashi! Where are you?"

"Hana… what's that matter?"

"I can't find Kakashi! He needs to clean his room!"

"Ahahaha! Just like a Hatake! Messy as always, right?"

"Hai, hai… but I can't really bend over that well… I get so tired… You know how much this takes the energy out of me…"

Hanako laughed softly while rubbing her swelled belly, Sakumo wrapped his arms around her.

"Well… let's eat breakfast together and then I'll go find him – he's probably out playing Ninja or something."

Sakumo helped his wife carry the plates over to the table, sighed with contentment and then knelt, sliding his legs under the table into a boiling hot pail of water. With a loud yell, Sakumo jumped up, flinging the table one way, the food the other, revealing his young son who was curled up in a ball laughing.

Looking around at the mess, Hanako couldn't help but sigh. Still… the sight of her husband pouting like a hurt child softened her heart.

"I was great, wasn't I, right, right? Father? Mother? I was stealthier than that weird bushy eyebrow kid, right, right? I'm a great shinobi, right? Soon I'll go to the Academy and be better than you, papa!"

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!" roared Sakumo in mock anger.

Kakashi stuck out his tongue.

"Saku… let me have a look at them… tch… they're only wet… and the room's a mess…"

"I think this is the day for Kashi-kun to learn a new jutsu."

"Eh?"

"Bunshin no jutsu."

"Sakumo! You said you would wait!"

"Well…"

"Please. He's only three!"

"But he's able to tote water in a huge pail and put it under our table! He should learn to clean up his messes!"

"I'll be fine!" Protested Hanako as she tried to pick up the broken pieces of a plate and failed.

Kakashi's eyes turned from his father's flushed face to his mother's tired one.

_They're upset because of me. It's my fault. It isn't a funny game anymore._

Tears started to roll down his face.

"I'm sorry, Mama! Papa, I'm very sorry! I won't do it again! I promise!"

The two arguing adults turned with surprise to see their young son's pale face wrung up in tears as his tiny shoulders shook with heavy sobs.

"Kakashi-kun…" His mother said, dropping rather heavily to her knees and pulling her son into a tight embrace. "Mama and Papa aren't mad at you… it's an adult thing. Let's clean this up."

Sakumo sighed and knelt beside his wife, squeezing his son's shoulders as the boy drew back.

"It was a good game. Just surprising. And showed that you're very smart. A genius Hatake…"

"Gen-yus?" echoed Kakashi, turning his wide grey eyes (still shining with tears) up at his father as he nestled on his mother's small lap.

"Genius. Very smart. But – how DID you do that?"

"I found the pail in Chiro's house… so I lib- lib – lib-rated it."

"Kakashi!" wailed his mother. "That's stealing…"

"No, it isn't!" the young boy said. "It's lib-lib-rating! Jiraiya says ninjas do that all the time when they go on missions. Like Papa's kunai! 'Sides I'm the hair so I can take what I want…"

"So logical…" whimpered Hanako.

"It's hopeless…" sighed Sakumo. "Still… you liberated the pail and then what?"

"I used Mama's tiny pot to carry the water from the sink to the pail."

"How did you get it so hot? You can't have put it on the stove…"

"Chakra."

The two parents blinked.

"Show me, Kakashi," asked Sakumo quietly.

Kakashi stared at his dad, startled by the sudden seriousness in his voice. He timidly nodded and then, wrapping his tiny arms around the pail dragged it across to his dad. Placing his hands on both sides of the pail, he frowned in concentration, focusing.

_Focus. The pail. The water._

He imagined it swirling around. White chakra glowed from his hands and slowly crept around the entire pail until it filled the water and the metal. The water swished gently around in rotation, then slowly, the chakra burned a hot white.

_Focus. Focus. This is a test. Focus. Water. Hot water._

Steam began to gently rise from the surface.

"Saku-kun…" breathed Hana.

Her husband cut her off with the peremptory wave of his hand as he watched his son, slowly but surely heat the water up.

Now it was bubbling hot, the metal can was turning a curious shade of red.

Kakashi drew his hands away and smiled at his parents.

"See! Just like Papa does in his room! He puts his chakra on his sword. I thought – I thought maybe I could put it in the pail of water… Is that bad?"

Sakumo grinned.

"No, Kakashi. I'm very proud of you! Now… go upstairs and clean up your mess, while I help Mother down here, okay? Remember to pick up everything!"

"Hai…" mumbled Kakashi.

"If you hurry, then we'll have a hot breakfast waiting for you."

"HAI!"

Watching their precocious son run away upstairs, the older Hatake couldn't help but smile. Sakumo helped his wife get to her feet and started to clean up the mess.

"You're going to be late! Again! Don't worry about it!"

"I need to be late. I'll help."

"Dear…"

"Just focus on getting me food, woman!" he mock growled.

"It's your fault it's on the ceiling!"

"Hmph."

"Sakumo… What Kakashi did… That's not even normal for regular Hatake, right?"

"Well… it's been a long time since I've seen such good manipulation of chakra. It seems to be natural for him to control it so well. It's normal for Hatake to have those abilities… we can embed it in objects like a sword or kunai to give them the ability to cut through anything. Hatake have been known to even manipulate bodies that way as well. It's like Hyuuga – the talent to extend ones chakra beyond the hands and the body. Still… what he did on his own is an exercise I was able to complete only when I was ten years old. And I was an early starter."

"So when you call him a genius…"

"Yes. We can't ignore it anymore, Hanako. Kakashi is a gift as much as he is gifted. I don't want him to feel different…"

"Isn't that a given? He'll always be different – the clan needs somebody strong like him to carry this clan forward… And this little one…"

"Hanako, love, Kakashi is a gift… but he wouldn't be here if you hadn't… you're the blessing. You're my blessing…"

Kakashi had been intending on surprising his father with a kick to the knees (something Genma had been shown him yesterday) – but the sight of his father tenderly cupping Mama's face – leaning in for a gentle kiss – made him pause.

"I love you, sweet flower Hanako. Especially –"

"Such romantic words, Sakumo," she giggled. "How about showing your love by picking up the plates?"

"Sure thing, beloved."

"You guys are – weird." Kakashi said, wrinkling his nose as he picked at his fish. "Is that how little bro came here?"

"Kakashi-kun. It's not weird. Believe me… you'll like it too…"

Kakashi looked disbelievingly at his mother.

"Really?"

"When you're older," amended his mother. "Much older."

"Like Jiraiya-sama?" asked Kakashi, innocently.

Sakumo sprayed his green tea onto his plate and then laughed.

"Well…"

"Absolutely not!" Hanako muttered and set down the teapot rather heavily on the counter.

"Well… I'm off! Be good to your Mama, Kakashi-kun! Make sure she doesn't run around a lot! Your sibling is due any day now!"

"I'm fine. Don't frighten him!"

"I'm not scared!"

"He needs the fear of Kami put into him, Hana-chan. Or else, he'll run you to the ground. Take it easy. Call the servant – I don't want you moving."

The two stood at the gate and waved goodbye.

He could still remember that day.

His mother's warm hand covering his, her other hand in the air, waving goodbye to her husband.

Even now, he wondered.

_If I hadn't made her run around so much. If I had picked up my bedroom like Papa told me too. If I hadn't left to play with Genma without telling her. If I had helped her carry the groceries home._

_She wouldn't have been so tired and exhausted. She wouldn't have slipped and fell down the stairs. She wouldn't have bled to death._

_Ryo would have lived. Papa would have been okay. He wouldn't have cried at night. He would have been strong on his missions._

_All that. It was my fault._

_I don't deserve…_

* * *

"Genma."

"Ibiki-san. Nice to see you around again. I thought you were dead…"

"Same here. But no such luck, right?"

"Heh. Some days it feels like that. How's the whole Torture thing going?"

"Alright? How's the whole Mission thing going?"

"Stop making fun of me. It's hell."

Out of the habit of secrecy, the two Special Jounins stopped talking as the waitress plunked down their regular drinks and smiled at Genma, who merely quirked a smile in her direction while shifting his senbon lazily from one corner of his wide mouth to the other.

Raido, carefully watching his teammate and live-in companion, from the opposite corner of the favorite Jounin drinking spot, felt a sudden rush of longing. He stifled it. Now was not the time.

_But still…_ He thought. _It seems like it was only yesterday when he took me in. Even though he was struggling to live on his own as a teen… I guess it's hard for people to see, but Gen-kun is really very kind at heart._

The scarred Jounin perked awake at the sound of his own cup of sake hitting the stained brown table in front of him. Smiling at the waitress and making small talk about her youngest kid who was going to try for entrance into the Academy, he tried to look oblivious, as he strained his attention to Genma and Ibiki's small talk.

"Hum… yeah… And there's the Chuunin exams coming up to consider…"

"Oh yeah. I guess you'll be in charge of the third part again?"

"It's been a while…"

"Hayate was good – but I think you've got the hang of it now." Ibiki was swirling his drink around and sniffing it.

"You'd think I ought to have."

"Kids are always surprising."

There was a pause at that thought.

Raido shivered at the memory of that one particularly explosive Chuunin exam – the effects were even still felt today.

_The Hokage died, Orochimaru started a war, we lost the last Uchiha, the Sanin ended up training Team Kakashi… Kakashi got his newly styled eye and a beautiful summoning…. And I got wounded rather badly… Gods. That was a close one._

At the thought, Raido hastily downed his drink.

As the warm liquid hit his senses, he cast his mind back to the day when his blurred eyes, attempting to focus in and out on the ceiling had landed on Genma's frowning face. A frowning face trying to hide a world of worry. Raido's face warmed at the memory.

_

* * *

He had been so concerned and worried about me._

"_Oh, these? It's summer! Allergy season. I always get puffy eyes."_

_Liar._

_We couldn't say much else. This thing between us was like a butterfly – fragile._

_I tried to capture the moment anyway. To keep this beautiful thing – to make it stronger – even though I wasn't sure._

"_I don't deserve –"_

"_What?" he asked, his senbon sticking out stiffly, his shoulders hunching over._

_I tried to reach up for his long sweaty honey-locks._

"_Nothing."_

_His eyes merely narrowed. He disappeared._

_But now… I don't think he's so afraid of love. Now… it's someone else who needs to be saved. I hope Ibiki understands…_

* * *

"So what really brings you here?"

"So untrusting!"

Ibiki waited, Genma sighed.

"I need a bit of information."

"Information? What kind? It's going to cost you."

The scarred Interrogation and Torture Squad captain leaned back and enjoyed Genma's obvious discomfort. His eyes slid sideways across the low ceiling, dimly lit room.

_And what's with Raido? Is he in on this too?_

Ibiki frowned.

_Genma's more of a live, let live guy… Hn…_

Ibiki jerked his head at Genma and shifted his great coat around.

"So? The cost…"

"Well… the best things in life always do. It's some files I need."

"A couple of drinks at the bar and I'm good to go…"

Genma leaned back, frowning, his senbon stuck stiffly out.

"Wait until you hear what I have to say."

"I can guess."

Genma blinked.

"You can?"

Ibiki jerked his head wordlessly toward the door, dropped some coin carelessly onto the table and disappeared into the sunshine. As Raido watched Ibiki and Genma walk off, he wondered.

_Will this really work?_

* * *

"Fourteen."

A pause.

"Fifteen."

"Guys…. Oahhh!..."

"Sixteen."

"STOP IT!"

"Stop what?"

"Stop counting my yawns."

"But it's funny."

"Only you would think it was funny…. (yawn)"

"Seventeen."

Izumo and Kotetsu swung their chairs around gleefully to stare down their co-worker (and temporary victim), Shizune. The black-haired assistant medic was filing, stamping and grouping important papers, while the two Jounin assistants (and part-time messengers) had been dully filing the massive amount of paperwork which had piled up over the month.

Shinobi hate paperwork. And filing. It was up to the two men to do the dirty work so to speak. Even now, as they sat there, wading through the 'M's and the 'T's, under the warm sun filtering through the smudged window next to them, they attempted to bring some sort of cheer to their very boring circumstances.

Watching the two men laugh, watching Izumo watch Kotetsu with his heart in his eyes, Shizune couldn't help but sigh. She was glad for the respite as Kotetsu bragged about his cute fiancée, while Izumo tried to laugh.

_They've been together for so long. I think it's what drove them to survive the war. But even now, I see that Kotetsu-kun is…_

Izumo changed the subject suddenly.

"What were you doing last night? Research?"

"What's WRONG with you, Izumo? Have you no imagination? How could those yawns be due to research?" Kotetsu winked and giggled.

"Boys – if you –"

"No," Kotetsu smirked. "I'm betting this on Iruka."

"Oh…" Izumo blinked. "I understand."

"Guys… it's too early in the morning for me to make sense of anything… so I hope you aren't saying what I think you're saying…"

"Saying what, Shizune-san?" asked Izumo slyly. "We're concerned is all! If Iruka is wearing you down –"

"We can always give him a talk!" Kotetsu interjected with a grin.

Shizune gave them the evil eye.

"For your information, it was research."

"Riiighhhttt!"

"It was!"

"And what kind of research?" snickered Kotetsu.

"Research on… somebody…"

"Yeah… and we KNOW who that somebody is!"

Shizune swiveled her chair around and glared at the two men as they sat there, blissfully filing away mission reports, both wearing that – we're-sweet-cuddly-Jounin-messenger-boys-you-know-you-wanna-hug-us.

"It wasn't Iruka," she said quietly.

The two shinobi paused at her solemn voice.

"Who was it then?" asked Izumo quickly switching gears. His one revealed dark eye gleamed with curiosity – and even now, he was fiddling with the ends of the floppy hair falling over half of his fast.

_Yep. He's interested. Damn him_, sighed Shizune.

"I can't say. It's sort of classified…"

"Just a hint!"

"What do you mean 'sort of classified'?" probed Izumo.

"I can't say."

"Do we know him?"

"Perhaps…"

"Is he alive?"

"Might as well not be, in my opinion – if he is…"

"So it's a 'he'?"

"Can't say."

Kotetsu was silent as the gears in his brain began to work in earnest. He sat there, chin propped on clenched fists, and he scratched his nose and shifted his bandage. His eyes widened as a light bulb turned on somewhere.

"So you're saying, you were researching mission reports last night on a certain individual who may or may not be dead, but might as well be…"

"Hmmmm…. And since Shizune isn't ANBU – the missions she was researching – the individual are in these cabinets!"

They stared at the huge wall of cabinets and then wilted.

"No wonder you're tired," Kotetsu sighed.

"Will we hear of it again?" asked Izumo.

"Maybe. I hope so. No news is the worst kind of news to get, right?"

Izumo nodded.

* * *

"AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" bellowed Tsunade, as she rushed in, carrying three heavy medical tomes.

"Filing?" asked Kotetsu weakly, waving a sheaf of files.

"Gossiping more like," mumbled Shizune.

"What?" the blonde-haired busty Kage asked, suddenly switching from a mercurial tempter to curiosity. "Who? What? Where? When? How?"

"Kotetsu. Set the wedding date. It's to happen two months from now. In the Hagane dojo of course. He'll be sending out the invites this week…"

Izumo's laugh was humorless.

"HAGANE! Is this true?" Tsunade smiled. "Why haven't you told us before? What were you thinking?"

"We thought it would be best to –"

"Never you mind," the Kage dropped into Shizune's seat heavily and flipped her ponytail back. "Once us women get a hand on it, it'll be smooth sailing."

Kotetsu grinned weakly. Izumo smiled wickedly. Shizune was shaking her head in despair.

_Am I going to be bullied when – if – Iruka ever proposes? _

She sighed at the thought.

"You have something to tell us?" asked Tsunade suddenly switching to her dreamy assistant.

"No. No!" Shizune rushed in hastily.

"Well, then. Congratulations, Hagane. I look forward to the celebration. Many blessings on you and Chiro."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade frowned. "You lost my train of thought…"

There was a moment of silence.

"She's losing it," whispered Kotetsu.

Tsunade jumped up and smiled. "Aha! That it! I need Jiraiya. I need Asuma. Get them!"

"Again?" mumbled Kotetsu.

Izumo nudged him as Tsunade's face went red and her fist clenched.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"Nothing… nothing…" Izumo said hastily, dragging his partner away. "We're on it!"

* * *

They sat there, side by side, watching the incense curl upward in the air. Obscuring the black and white photograph of Hatake Hanako. It had been three years now – and Sakumo never forgot to sit and think at the little shrine he had built in the center of the Large Garden. Beside him, his seven-year-old sat, preternaturally still – as he had been taught – his grey eyes downcast, his face obscured within his collar, head bent in thought.

"I forget her face," the boy whispered. "It's blurry. Always."

"I can't," his father said. "But maybe one day, you'll remember. You'll remember. One day, you'll meet the one you love – her eyes will swallow you up. They will be great pools of joy and happiness. You'll sink beneath the waves – you'll lose your soul to her."

Kakashi shivered.

_It doesn't sound so good._

"You see, Kakashi. Your heart is a door. And only one person has that key. And when they die, that door is shut forever. There is no going back. So I remember…"

"Remember what?"

"Remember that day when father said that he found a bride from the next town. I was horrified to have to marry somebody from outside. It was shameful. She was rich. She would bring prosperity to our dying clan. My father was adamant. So I had to go visit her."

"And…"

"She was in her garden, her hands in the soil as she planted roses. Hana – she – looked up and the sun fell on her face and she smiled this gentle smile and shyly said, 'Hello'. I didn't say anything at first. But then we started to talk – without any introductions. That is how we fell in love without even knowing who we were."

"I hope I find my beloved in a garden."

"Well… it doesn't ALWAYS happen that way. But for us, we bonded in love. Not because of her money or my land and my name. She was a blessing, Father was right… but a blessing for my heart. And that is why it hurts so much. When you love – you always risk hurt. It's a two-edged blade."

Kakashi nodded.

_Two-edged blades are dangerous. Papa says I'll learn how to use it next year._

"Now… it's up to you, Kakashi-kun. I can't provide anymore heirs. There is only you. You are our hope, Kakashi. You've learned how to summon already, how to use the blade… jutsus – everything. You're a Chuunin now, right? A proud shinobi. A proud Hatake. With your power, you will revive this clan… I'm still working on it – but with my research, we'll be able to tap into the power that was given to us at birth. You'll see! And then…"

"Yes, Papa."

"And then, you can make her proud. Be a blessing for her."

"Hai!"

Sitting there, Kakashi made a promise.

_I'll be the best shinobi ever – for you, Mother._

* * *

The sun was setting when Sasuke finally found his way to the downtown of Konoha. Something burned deep in his gut as he walked down the main street. It wasn't the empty house, the wild gardens or the broken down buildings – it was the shrine in the backyard.

_I keep mine up – but Kakashi-sensei hasn't been there for awhile. _

Suddenly he turned off the street and found the shop he needed. It always brought him memories – and as the incense blew toward him in a wave from the dark interior, he sighed.

* * *

Sakura rubbed her eyes and cricked her neck back and forth. Looking out her window, she saw that the violet front of night was already beginning to creep up on the town – the sun was beginning to set. Huge and orange it hung in the sky – a giant red eye. Closing the files, she sat there in thought – then, opened up the Hatake Hanako scroll.

_Died of hypervolemic shock. Thirty-two years to the day._

_To the day._

She stood up, grabbed Kakashi's medical files and her knapsack and headed out with purpose.

She had things to do.

_Kakashi-sensei. I'll remember for you._

_

* * *

Their sensei was running late. Naruto fumed, Sakura sighed and Sasuke sat there, patiently waiting._

"_He's so late! All the other Jounin-sensei have come and even Iruka-sensei has gone home!" whined Naruto, utterly bored in the perfectly bare classroom._

_Sakura, at the sound of a table being dragged across the floor, looked up in shock as Naruto wedged an eraser between the door and the frame at the top._

"_WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she yelled._

"_It's the Chalk Eraser Drop!" smirked Naruto, shoving the table back in its place._

_Sasuke sighed and leaned his head on his folded hands._

_Idiots._

"_You shouldn't be doing that," the pink-haired Genin said._

_**Her Inner Sakura yelled: This is sooo fun!**_

_Then just as suddenly, a hand slid around the door's frame and pushed it back as a grey mop and a navy blue mask poked in._

_BAMPH!_

_Spraying chalk everywhere, the eraser dropped onto the man's head and then slid off onto the floor. For a second there was silence. Then Naruto started laughing._

"_I GOT YOU!" _

"_Sensei!" wailed Sakura. "I told him to not do it but he –"_

_**Her Inner Sakura yelled: WAY TO GO, DAMMIT!**_

_Sasuke merely sat there, blinking._

_This is our Jounin-sensei?_

"_Hmmm…" Their new teacher sighed, as he picked up the eraser, he paused, hand on his chin. "My first impression of you guys…"_

_The children stopped._

"_I hate you."_

_

* * *

Back then, I thought he was weird, lazy, hentai and cool – but now… I know what I'm missing. Somebody who cared enough about me to teach me useful stuff – who taught me how important it is to eat vegetables… and he believed in me enough to send me through the Chuunin Exams even though nobody else would have thought Team 7 was ready._

_Now it's my turn to believe in him._

With that thought, the tall blonde-haired young shinobi burst into the Mission room with a loud yell. 

"TSUNADE-BAACHAN!"

He paused – eye's wide with incredulity at the sight of the Kage who was furiously glaring with sleepy eyes at a random sheet plucked off the table. Across her forehead, ink had smeared and –

_Was that drool? Whatever. The old hag HAS to listen to me!_

"I'm NOT a granny!" The blonde kage bellowed back. "It's Kage-sama to YOU!"

"Whatever you say, old lady! You're the one who's falling apart! You're sleeping on the job! Whenever I do that, I never hear the end of it."

"That's because it's a HABIT for you!"

"And it isn't for you?"

"I'm NOT ON A LIFE THREATENING MISSION, DOLT!"

"That last mission wasn't life threatening at all, granny… Geez, the missions you give me, I think Konohamaru could do in diapers…"

"NARUTO! RESPECT!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Naruto rolled his eyes. "I need to have a look at Kakashi-sensei's mission files."  
Tsunade's eye twitched.

"You need clearance."

"Got it," chirped Naruto glibly (with an evil smile) as he waved her white note in front of her face.

"Right, right," she sighed. "Just pulling your leg… But I got Shizune to take out the more interesting missions that she thought would be useful for your research. SHIZUNE!"

Shizune came in, still yawning.

"Sorry, (yawn), Tsunade-sama. What do you need?"  
"The mission files."  
"Oh! Those are… are… ummm… here!"

Shizune whipped out a thick stack and placed them with a heavy thunk in front of Naruto.

"WHAAATTT! I have to read ALL of THOSE?"

"Well… I know that reading isn't your strong suit – so I chose the most important ones."  
"You mean there are more?"

"There are around 1300 missions in total that are open to the public. Shizune had to work hard to give you the more interesting ones," barked Tsunade. "Say thank you!"

"Thanks," mumbled Naruto, as he gathered the pile into his arms.

"Sure," Shizune sighed.

Mumbling about bossy women, Naruto wandered out of Tsunade's office with his new stack of reading material in search of a quiet spot to read the files. Just looking at them made him feel rather queasy, so he decided to interrogate somebody instead. People were always his strong suit, he believed.

_And I'm sure I saw Gai-sensei around here somewhere…._

* * *

It wasn't hard for Naruto to find Gai – his loud, robust voice rang out over the training ground – accompanied by his close, ex-teammate (and carbon copy) Rock Lee.

"One! Two and Three! Four! Five and Six!"

"Go! Go! Lee! You show them!" shouted Gai, pumping his fist in the air as his old student completed a set of chin ups.

Naruto, bursting in, sighed.

Rock Lee was in the middle of a training session with his brand new Genin team. Gai had joined in for fun. Lee's students (two boys and a female Hyuuga) looked tortured. The boys in particular looked like they were about to cry – the girl seemed, like Neji, to be merely stoic.

Naruto shivered.

_Kakashi-sensei may have been always late and really pervy – but at least he LOOKED cool._

"Naruto!" bellowed Gai.

Naruto cringed, winced and grinned weakly.

"Gai-sensei!"

"How goes the springtime of youth?"

_Why does he have to always talk so weird?_

"I need to ask you a question, actually…"

"Naruto-kun! I'm overjoyed that you would come to me for guidance! I will gladly lend a hand!"

Naruto sighed again.

"I need some information."

"Information?"

"Gai-sensei! You're so wise!" exclaimed Rock Lee, stars in his eyes.

"Lee," Gai said, suddenly serious. "Naruto seems to be worried. I think he needs a private talk."

Gai winked and chinged his teeth at the younger Jounin-sensei.

"Yes, Gai-sensei! You'll show him the way, I am sure!" Lee turned to the three perspiring youths. "Yosh! Let's do a hundred laps around Konoha!"

"SEENNNNSSSEEEIIII!" the boys wailed.

"Umm… impossible, idiot…" muttered the girl.

Watching his student and the three grumbling Genins leave, Gai frowned. War had brought pain and loss – the Maito had suffered as much as anyone else.

_And the young generation felt it too. Even Lee… and their youthful spirits grew up so fast! Even Naruto-kun. Life now is more strict, I guess…_

He glanced to his right – at the silent Naruto. The boy stood there, arms securely wrapped around some mission files; his blue eyes were downcast and serious.

"It's hard –" the blond-haired Jounin sighed.

Gai's eyes narrowed.

"What is?"

"It's weird to see Lee as a sensei now."

"He's grown. You all have. But then, you're in the spr-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. But –"

"You needed information?" prompted Gai, deciding to switch the conversation.

Naruto blinked.

"Yes. On Kakashi-sensei."

Gai tensed.

"Your old sensei…"

"How could I forget him? Did you ever forget?"

"I never forgot my own sensei. I still remember the day he died. I never forgot him – or your old sensei for that matter. After all – Kakashi IS my eternal rival."

Naruto drew back.

"Then why haven't –"

"Why haven't I said something? What can one say? Life is a journey down a road. It is man's gift to make choices – you cannot change them – it's only up to you."

"You know something."

"I can't say."

"But –"

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. I need to think on this."

"Is-is it bad?"

"Well…. If you wish to heal Kakashi's heart – you've got a long hard road ahead. But, hey – I'm sure you'll do okay – after all, with teamwork and the joy that comes with the springtime of youth, you can find the sunset with your sensei!"

The older Jounin chinged his teeth at Naruto, who rolled his eyes.

There was a silence, until the Number One Noisy Ninja sighed.

"This sucks! How can I find out about Kaka-sensei if no one is going to talk?"

"Eh? Well, you could ask me about the past – just not the present…"

"Really?" grinned Naruto. "Great!"

There was another moment of silence. A bird chirped somewhere.

"So…" prompted Gai. "What did you want to know?"

"Hmmm…" Naruto mused. "What to ask?"

Gai laughed.

"Naruto-kun. In some ways you haven't changed, have you?"

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Okay… how about this? How did you meet him?" asked Naruto, sitting down, carefully setting aside the files, pulling out a notebook and a pencil.

"Well… we were young when we first met – it was at the market place, if I remember rightly…"

_

* * *

It was the beginning of the New Year, if I remember rightly. I was especially happy because not only was spring coming around soon, but it was also Market Day – and I loved going to the market. The noise, the smells, the bustle and the colors just seemed so exciting compared to my dull garden and shabby compound._

_And there was always the promise of seeing my friends. You know – that amazing bond of friendship – it was so exciting! I had just met Genma and Ibiki. And Ebisu was also fond of hanging around there as well… They were fun to play with…_

_Well… they were so easy to tease! Hahaha!_

**(Naruto: And that's funny, because…?)**

_Well… the funniest were Iruka and Asuma._

_I wondered if they would be there today – after all, Papa said that they were the best kind of friends to have 'cause they were in the springtime of youth – they understood the mystery of manly love._

_I wasn't too sure what manly love was but it sounded nice._

**(Naruto: Ooookaayyy…sounds gross…)**

_As soon as the stands came into view, I disappeared in a cloud of smoke. My mother bellowed in vain – I was such an energetic kid –_

**(Naruto: Stop saying it like it's cool…)**

_Anyway, I was running at top speed, and I turned around to stick out my tongue at her – when I rammed full speed into a short boy who was helping this old lady pick out ripe tomatoes._

_I found myself looking up a very short leg into the dark grey eyes of a white-haired kid wearing a mask._

_A mask. Cool. Weird. And he's still holding the basket of tomatoes! Perhaps –_

_My eyes narrowed as I considered him._

_A rival!_

**(Naruto: -sarcastic- That's a real cool way to meet him…)**

_But who IS he?_

"_Kakashi! Get your foot of him!" The old lady scolded at the boy._

"_I'm protecting you, Taka-san. Just like a shinobi should!"_

"_It's just a little kid like you, Kakashi-sama."_

"_He looks sus-sus-supishus to me."_

"_Oh?"_

"_His eyebrows look evil."_

_They were talking about me as if I wasn't even there! Fire burned in my gut._

**(Naruto: Aren't you always on fire?)**

"_Kakashi!"_

"_It's true!"_

"_Say sorry."_

_He apologized to me in a sulk and slowly he removed his blue sandal off my chest. I sprang up._

"_No need to apologize!" I yelled. "I'm a big boy! And I'm going to be your eternal rival!"_

_Marketplace populace: "…………Erm…………….."_

"_What?" asked the masked boy in a tired voice. "That's silly."_

"_It's not! We're going to be rivals forever!"_

"…_.Why?…"_

"_It's a beautiful friendship of –of –of manly wuv!"_

"_This is a waste of time."_

_The white-haired kid – Kakashi – turned around sharply and sauntered away._

"_It's not! But maybe you're scared! I'm stronger than you are!"_

_I hefted a watermelon over my head._

_Kakashi failed to look impressed._

"_That's no big deal! Look at what I can do!"_

_With that, Kakashi raised the housekeeper's basket over his head._

**(Naruto: This was your first duel?)**

"'_Sides," Kakashi tilted his head. "I don't look dumb like you do."_

"_Oh yeah! Well, I'm smarter than you! I can count up to fifty!"_

_Kakashi looked non-plussed for all of five seconds._

"_Well… you know what? My dad is stronger than your dad!"_

"_Who's your dad?" asked Gai._

_Kakashi's face (as much as the mask allowed) registered shock._

"_He's Hatake Sakumo. White Fang."_

_White Fang was his dad? Come to think of it, he kind of looks like him…_

_I was sort of impressed, you know? After all, this kid was the son of a genius, S-rank, Elite Jounin Ninja. Everybody knew White Fang, back then. But still… I could hear my father's voice as he talked about the Elite Jounin._

_There were many things I couldn't understand – but I repeated him word for word. Father never made mistakes._

"_Well…" I said as snobbily as I could. "My clan's bigger'n yours. Yours is dying – Father said so!"_

_I never saw it coming – Kakashi lashed out, hitting me squarely in the jaw and chest. I grabbed his big shock of grey hair and pulled viciously. Right then, I realized what I had got myself into – he had been trained – or something. Before I knew it, the little brat had placed his hands on either side of my waist – _

_All I felt was fire – fire and burning – and I didn't understand what was going on. I fell down and started to cry. My mom, some women, a few shop keepers and Taka-san came running._

_As if from far away, I could hear Mother asking, "What happened?" _

"_He-he touched me – and burned me!" I sobbed into her shoulder, all bravado gone._

_Kakashi edged away, obviously horrified by what he had done._

"_It serves you right!" he yelled – then, hastily, he turned and ran away._

_Everybody was whispering about him as they bent over me._

"_He's just let that boy run wild!"_

"_No mother, poor thing…"_

"_Let's get Gai to the hospital… Tsunade-hime's in, I hear."_

_I could hear Taka-san apologizing over and over again._

"_I'm so, so sorry – I don't know what came over him!"_

_Mother just sighed._

"_He's too young to be so strong."_

* * *

"So that's the last thing you remembered? Before you fell unconscious?" asked Naruto, eyes wide.

"Yes. It turned out – I found out from Tsunade years later – that he had accidentally used an old family technique. We still don't know what… how it happens… but he had pushed his chakra into my body. We think."

"You guys still don't know?"

"Well… ever since that year – Kakashi never showed those kinds of abilities again. Ever. Certainly not on me! He was really maladjusted."

"And still you became friends?"

"Friends? We were rivals… but never really CLOSE…"

Naruto nodded in agreement.

"He seemed standoffish from the first time I saw him too. And he attacked me – he attacked my butt!"

Gai laughed.

"The Thousand Years of Pain? Ahahahahaha! That was his sensei's training technique!"

"You knew his sensei?"

"Who didn't? His sensei was Yellow Flash – the Fourth."

"Really? Really? That's way cool!"

"Yes. Well. Prodigies for prodigies. But then, few sensei wanted such a young Genin on their team – especially when Kakashi was the heir and the last Hatake to boot. Kakashi for his whole Genin year had no team…"

"That's kind of… sad…"

"In a way. But after he became a Chuunin, his team increased by two – Obito and Rin."

"Where are they now?"

"War took them away – same as my team."

"I see…" murmured Naruto.

Suddenly, there was a light poof and out of smoke emerged Asuma.

"ASUMA-SENSEI!" bellowed Gai, radically switching gears from serious to joyful in 0.003 seconds. "It's the LOVE CHILD of KONOHA! What brings you here?"

"Love child?" muttered Naruto. "Does he know what it means?"

Asuma sighed.

"Tsunade needs to speak to you."

"Aha! A mission for the Green Beast of Konoha! Proof of his love for LEAF!"

"What were you two doing?" asked Asuma with curiosity, trying hard not to goggle at the pile of files near Naruto.

"Just guiding Naruto-kun down the right path!" Then, lowering his voice to a dramatic stage whisper, Gai said, "He's looking for Kakashi-sensei. My eternal rival!"

Asuma blinked, froze and suddenly found a cigarette to light.

"Kakashi?"

"Yes, good friend. Perhaps you could lend a hand, since I'm called away…"

"S-s-sure," stuttered Asuma in shock.

"Uh… Gai-sensei," Naruto asked. "Do you mind keeping this a secret?"

"Certainly." Gai said before jumping away. "We do not wish to scare the distressed quarry before we can heal him with our gentle love!"

"Distressed quarry?"

"Gentle love?"

The two Jounin watched the green jumpsuit disappear in the distance, and then they shrugged.

"Let's walk," Naruto suggested, once again hefting the files in his arms.

Asuma followed slowly, deep in thought.

Slowly, the two Jounin – the one in his regular navy uniform and green vest – the other in a muted red and black sans vest – made their way along road leaving the training field behind. Watching the clouds float by slowly in the darkening blue sky, Asumo sighed as he lit a cigarette (#6 for the day) and slowly inhaled the calming sent.

"You're in shock?"

"I hadn't thought I could forget."

"You feel bad?" Naruto shook his head in disgust. "How do you think I feel – since I was his STUDENT?"

There was a thoughtful silence – and they paused to watch the blue water pass under the newly reconstructed red bridge. (It had been blown up by an overzealous group of Chunnin led by Udon.)

To Naruto, it only seemed yesterday that the three of them – Sakura, Sasuke and he – were standing there waiting patiently for a sensei who would finally show up two hours late with a lame excuse like – a black cat crossed my path soo….

Asuma sighed as he stood there on the bridge. It only seemed like yesterday when he and Kurenai had met there – and he had broken the mutual silence between them with three little words.

But those moments could never be relived – there was only one memory that could be replayed. And Naruto, thinking on his sensei, knew that no matter how long they gathered here – his sensei would never return.

"So… what do you need to know?"

Naruto sighed, his shoulder's sagging.

"Do you remember anything important about Kakashi-sensei – I figure you know a lot since you were his friend…"

Asuma looked at him funny.

"Friend? Well… not really…"

"Ebisu said you were close."

"Welll…. Close… but not THAT close. He was too friendly to let you get too personal." He paused. "A great defense mechanism."

"Was he always like that?"

"As far as I know… but then, he never mixed in with my group when we were young…"

"So when did you meet him?" asked Naruto solemnly, as he (once again) set down the files, pulled out his notebook and pencil and began to scrawl rather badly on a new page.

"Uh…." Asuma glanced at the notebook apprehensively. "I was a more junior Jounin when he left ANBU to become a sensei. You know – that day still stays sharp in my mind…."

_

* * *

I was younger then – and the war hadn't affected me so much – so everyday seemed like a new adventure. I had joined the Jounin ranks a few months ago – and a meeting had come up for all Jounin and Chuunin. We stood there in the room – the waiting Jounin and Chuunin mixing together for once in a long while. The Hokage was running late – so I sat with this really nice looking Chuunin – Yuuhi Kurenai, I knew her to be. The genjutsu expert._

**(Naruto: Pervert.)**

_Whatever. I lit a cigarette and smiled at her – and before you knew it, we were talking about all sorts of things. You know – having a good time. We ended up talking about genjutsu and I was saying how it was the best offense of all time when a lazy voice interjected:_

"_Not unless you're up against Itachi… Are you guys dating? The romance in here is…"_

_I froze. Kurenai looked up in surprise and smiled gently._

_Whipping around, I glared at a silver-haired masked figure and then blinked and glanced sideways at Kurenai._

"_Who are you?" I asked brusquely._

"_Oh, no one special."_

"_My name is Sarutobi Asuma and this is Yuuhi Kurenai. You are embarrassing the lady. So… what's your name?"_

"_Oh… Hatake Kakashi." He mumbled from behind a suspiciously bright colored book._

_Orange._

"_What the hell – you're reading Icha Icha here," I ask, choking on my cigarette. "This isn't the place for PORN!"_

_Everybody's head swiveled towards our direction._

_The great shinobi Hatake merely tipped his book forward – so everyone could see. Kurenai merely looked amused._

"_Porn?"_

"_It is not!" squawked the masked nin with evident hilarity. "It's a classical romance!"_

_Several people were twitching – especially the prude Ebisu. He seemed to have no problem reaming out the famous ninja._

"_Kakashi-sensei! Put that thing away now! Such ungentlemanly behavior in public," he scolded._

_Kakashi's one visible eye winced at him – quickly, he rose – a graceful, almost animal movement – and prowled out the room, muttering something about needing to find the bathroom._

_Everybody breathed a sigh of relief as the tension passed. Kurenai turned to me._

"_Who WAS that?"_

"_You haven't heard of Hatake Kakashi, the all famous Copy Nin?"_

"_That's HIM?"_

"_Yeah. Apparently."_

"_You've seen him before?"_

"_From afar. Believe me. We don't hang out together."_

"_Then why…"  
"Beats me. He's WEIRD!"_

"_And that's why he had one eye covered. That's so…."_

"_Weird?"_

"_I was going to say, creepy…"_

"_Yeah…"_

* * *

"So he was annoying?" asked Naruto.

"Well… I kinda learned to tolerate him over time – we couldn't help bumping into each other in the mission room… and he was a good drinking buddy – except he never seemed to really drink…"

"I see…"

"Genma was the one who really helped me understand, come to think of it. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have been more sympathetic. I found out that that day had been his first time in the mission room in EIGHT years – for EIGHT years he had been in ANBU!"

"That's bad?"

"That's long."

"And that's bad?"

"Yee-ah…"

"Kakashi-sensei's been in ANBU since the beginning of the war."

"Damn."

"But not as long though…"  
"Five years."

"Only five."

"Five HARD years," Asuma corrected. "And he wasn't entirely sane when he went in anyway – he never really recovered from the previous eight years."

"He understood teamwork and stuff like that! He was a great sensei and an awesome shinobi!" Naruto glared at Asuma – and then deflated.

"Sure. Teamwork and skill is one thing, Naruto." Asuma flicked his cigarette into the water and watched it drift below his feet and disappear. "But he never had a LIFE. He never had friends – or even a girlfriend. He's a social cripple. And as a sensei – he seems to have screwed that –"

"No, he hasn't!"

"Okay… maybe not all the time – but he should've been more on the ball with Sasuke's issues. And Sakura was always being neglected. And he never nipped your issues with Sasuke in the bud. It's not his fault. I'm not blaming Kakashi – it's just that he didn't know how to go about things…"

"That's not true!" Naruto huffed. "You don't know what he's done for us!"

With that, he snatched up his files and ran off down the road, obviously upset.

"Yare, yare, Asuma." A soft voice sighed and emerging from nowhere, Kurenai appeared. "You didn't have to be so rough."

Asuma didn't move.

"It's the truth."

"Tell the truth with love, dear."

Slim arms wrapped around his waist and she looked up into his brown eyes.

"You're upset," she noted. "Why?"

"I'm worried."

"Naruto can take care of himself."

"Are you sure? I don't want Team 7 burning themselves over somebody who's not worth it!"

"You actually believe that he's not worth it?"

Asuma sighed.

"No. If I was in Naruto's position, I would be doing the same thing. I guess, what bothers me is that Kakashi hasn't shown up anywhere. There's no plea for help on his part."

"That's who you're worried about. Be honest."

Asuma nodded, and then, returned the hug.

They stood there, on the bridge and mined the memories, the silences and the sadness. Between them, they wondered and they hoped. And Asuma sighed as he thought about the long road ahead for Team 7.

_I guess Gai's metaphors are truer than he realizes. And here… here, I realize that Kakashi never knew this. Never knew love. Did he ever know what he was missing?_


	14. Hope: Memory Bridges Death

**THIS IS NOT A NEW CHAPTER! GO BACK TO CHAPTER 13 TO READ A NOTICE I PUT UP ABOUT THIS!**

I don't own Naruto!

* * *

**Hope: Memory Bridges Death**

_**When tears are in your eyes**_

_

* * *

Why do you always sacrifice for me? What did I do to deserve this burden called life?_

Kakashi, standing at the memorial, fell forward onto his knees rather painfully. Ignoring the throbbing pain in his calf and arm, he bowed his head in thought, memory, gratitude, bewilderment, guilt and pain.

_Why did you have to leave me, mother? When I needed you most. No. When Father needed you most._

It was a new memorial – the old one had been blown up by a particularly psychotic ex-Leaf-turned-Sound-nin. The new one was larger, greyer – it loomed in the dusk like one of those crypt-like tombs. One side was filled with names. On it – Sensei. Rin. Obito. Hayate.

_But not Father. Not Mother. But maybe…. Me…._

_Kakashi. You're our hope. In you, lies the restoration of the Hatake!_

_He's a gift, Hana-chan. But you're the greatest gift of all._

_Mother._

* * *

Naruto found comfort in a ramen bowl. And it was there – at the new Ichiraku Ramen shots – padded stools and a brand new counter and all – that Iruka found him – staring down into an empty bowl, while beside him sat an unopened stack of files.

"You seem upset," Iruka noted in a soft voice, adopting the professional 'tell-Mama-Iruka-all-about-it' tone of voice.

"It's Asuma. He said Kakashi-sensei sucked as a sensei." Naruto's blue eyes clouded over.

"You think that's true?"  
"Of course not."

"Hmmm…" Iruka scratched his scar thoughtfully.  
"You think so too, Iruka?"

"Well… Naruto… it takes many years of knowing how to deal with relationships to understand the intricacies of teaching – especially children. Jounin-sensei are no different. In a way, Asuma himself understands the difficulty of teaching. You know how tough he was on Chouji, how he coddled Shikamaru – and Ino was never really easy for him to connect with. But still… Kakashi-sensei did as well as he could with what he understood about humans."  
"I guess."

"Asuma and Kurenai would hang out with their teams on off days. Kakashi never seemed to be like that with you guys. Team 7 was really segmented off the battle field. I know that Kakashi saw you guys as a team during the missions – and you learned how to fight well with Sasuke and Sakura. But as soon as the mission was done, he would disappear. You remember complaining all those years about that, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Perhaps, when you guys research his past, you can find out what kind of relationship he had with his own team – that is most often an indicator of what he grew up to expect. And I don't know much about his home life – only rumors that his parents died when he was really young – and in such a way as to scar him."

"I never had parents – and I wasn't like that!"

"That's because you're strong, Naruto-kun!"

"Strong? Of course I am! But that's because you and Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan and even the idiot Sasuke and Jiraiya and Tsunade-baachan were all there for me!"

"True. But who was there for Kakashi-sensei?"

Naruto blinked and then nodded.

"Anyway," Iruka smiled. "I brought four mission notes – the most legible ones – that he wrote on you guys as a team. I heard from Shizune about the research and I found these a couple of hours ago. Maybe you're interested in scanning them?"

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto smiled, as he grabbed up the offered files and added them to his other pile. "I'll take these and have a look at these. After all, I - eh?"

Naruto stopped at the look on Iruka's face – and for the first time he noted how silent the shop had fallen. Iruka leaned silently back, revealing the dark uniform, white vest and the white mask of an ANBU.

"Two miso to go."

A harsh whisper.

Nothing was said as the silent warrior waited for the boxes. Then, without a sound, with bag in hand, he disappeared.

"They always give me the chills," Iruka breathed out as chatter slowly began again. "It's the masks. I remember telling Genma that they reminded me of tree spirits."

"Now, you're scaring me," Naruto shivered. "Just thinking that –"

His blue eyes fell on the files, and his shoulders straightened.

"I better get going – get started on these."

"Good luck, Naruto. Do well. No. I know you will do well!"

"Have a good night, Iruka-sensei!"

"Sure, you too! Say hi to Shizune-san for me!"

Grinning – his eyes curved up in crescents, arm waving madly – Naruto dashed off. Iruka smiled.

_I take his inner balance – his ability to make something good out nothing – for granted. It's a gift to smile._

And with that, Naruto walked out into oncoming evening.

* * *

An hour later, after reading the 23 mission files, Naruto lay back on his sagging puke green couch and sighed.

The D-ranks:

"_Show sincredible chakra manipulation."_

"_Already knows how to master his chakra."_

"_Advanced knowledge of kata."_

"_Hard working."  
"Standoffish."_

"_Troubles in family life seem to cause issues of trust and teamwork."_

"_Father failed to show for Chuunin exam."_

The C-ranks:

"_5 broken ribs, and 1 broken wrist. Perfect healing. Father never came to visit."_

"_Mission was a success, except for the real lack of teamwork on the part of Obito and Kakashi – they kept on nagging each other through the whole mission."_

"_Rejected Rin's administrations the other day. Must talk to him."_

"_First kill on Kakashi's part – a Chuunin kunoichi from Leaf. I always hated joint missions – now he'll hate them too. You never know whom to trust. But then, he was never really trusting of anybody but himself."_

"_Ever since Father's death, an alarming dedication to nitpicky rules. Drives Obito crazy – teamwork has been deteriorating rapidly. Rin's admonishments have no effect. Either they'll get it together, or they'll tear each other apart."_

The B, A and S-ranks were written by Kakashi himself. Objective and then not very. Even though the details – the wounds, the breaks and the losses were stated clearly (as much as bad handwriting could allow) – anything personal seemed to have been erased from the author.

"_Elimination of the target, successful, despite complications due to teammate's bad physical condition."_

"_Retrieval of Princess a success. Snow Country has been taken entirely over by her Uncle – have placed her under the pre-arranged caregiver. No success in defeating the shinobi from Snow."_

"_Protection of target: failed. Due to physical disabilities (concussion, sprained ankle, broken arm and 2 stab wounds) and teamwork disintegration (Hui's treason). Suggest hunter-nin for Hui and an ANBU team to eliminate the four missing-nins."_

Naruto massaged his brow, casting his restless gaze around him. His apartment was a mess. Clothes were scattered everywhere, his bed in the corner still unmade – and piled high in the sink, a huge stash of unwashed dishes which smelled.

_This is just too unnatural for me to be sitting here! Kakashi – when this is over and done with you're going to owe me big time! And my apartment isn't the nicest place to hang out in, either._

After getting some cup ramen heated up (no bowls necessary) – and several lettuce leaves torn up into a (hastily washed) bowl, Naruto sat down for a quick bite before attacking Iruka's four files. He was still sitting there trying to decipher Kakashi (still) bad handwriting… (_was that Sasuke or Sakura?_)… when a knock sounded on his door.

Getting up slowly while trying to understand what Kakashi was implying when he wrote, _"Sasuke is skilled, but Naruto more impassioned for Leaf. Hate vs. stupidity. Which is worse?"_ Naruto opened his door and blinked at the sight of Genma standing outside.

"Genma-san," he said slowly. "What – what… hey… it better not be a mission – I'm busy right now. And you can tell that again to the old hag!"

"No, no!" Genma smiled. "I was thinking maybe a drink at the bar – and a little talk about something!"

His senbon quirked upwards.

"Unless you're busy?"

"Welll…." Naruto hesitated. "I WAS busy reading…"

"Reading?"

"Yeah… hey! What are you looking so funny about?" The kitsune's fists clenched.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Nothing! Yeah right! I bet you thought I was too stupid to read, right?"

"You said it, I didn't!"

Genma dodged Naruto's quick punch.

"So what's it gonna be?"

"Bar, of course. I think I've read enough tonight." Naruto froze. "SHIT! I was supposed to meet Sasuke and Sakura tonight! Damn! Yeah! Let's go to the regular!"

Genma shrugged.

"Hurry then… What were you reading anyway?" he called as Naruto turned away inside to prepare for his night out. The slick Special Jounin slid inside and picked up the topmost open file.

"Ech! It stinks in here! Air the room out! Or better yet – get a woman into your life. You're going to kill yourself with your own hygiene issues! Ah-Ah! What do you have here? Kakashi's reports on Team 7. Fun. Fun. Getting nostalgic are we?"

"Stop touching that! That's classified information!"

"If it's about you, it should be… but no… this is a file from Iruka's stash. Hn…

_Hate or Stupidity. What is worse?_... I'd say… Hate… You can always correct stupidity."

"You can always correct hate, too."

"Sure."

"I mean it… Look at Sasuke."

"Oh. Yeah."

"Stop being an idiot – and get AWAY from there! It's a secret. Seriously."

"Okay, okay! Mum's the word!"

"Sure it is," Naruto muttered. "You'll tell Raido tonight and then all of Konoha will know."

"Should I beat you up for that?" frowned Genma. "Raido-kun knows how to keep his tongue. Don't worry…. You're still not ready?... Geez… what a slowpoke… What – what are you getting all fancy for? Are you still hot on Sakura?"

"Just shut up. You don't know anything."

"Whatever… I'll just spend my time… hey! Check this out! It says… _Sakura in love with Sasuke, Naruto in love with Sakura. If Sasuke loved Naruto we'd have a perfect love triangle. What's with kids nowadays? They're worse than Icha Icha characters_... hahaha! That'd be his take on it – still, it'd be hard to NOT be sweet on Sakura. She's one lovely cherry blossom if you get my meaning…"  
"Genma. Don't you even THINK about it…"

"I'm happy. I've got Raido."

"Yeah… and that thing with Hana was – what… a myth?"

"Oooh! The big boy knows complex words!"

For a moment there was silence, then Genma laughed.

"He says here… _Teamwork has been falling apart lately. The mission was nearly endangered when Naruto led his dog into the mine field. Sadly, not even mines can create common sense. Seriously jeopardizing my Icha Icha reading times_…. And over here he writes… _Team acting funny. I think it's the whole mask thing. Again. When will they learn? Have decided to wear two just in case. You never know. I love messing with their heads!_... I guess you guys did alright in the end."

"Of course we did – else I wouldn't be here talking to you – I'd be dead due to overuse of the Kyuubi. Sasuke would be Orochimaru and Sakura would've died of a broken heart!"

"Good point. I guess, because you guys weren't the chummiest off mission, it's kind of hard to see that."

"Well… don't go by impressions then. You're just like Asuma."

"Asuma?"

"Yeah, he said Kakashi was a useless sensei."

"Hmmm… sounds like he's worried."

"Worried?"

"He's the harshest on the people he cares about the most. His team is a case in point."

"I guess."  
"Are you still NOT done? That's it. I'm gone!"

"No! Wait! Coming, coming!"

Grabbing his scroll of notes, Naruto darted out the door after Genma.

* * *

It was seven o'clock and his two teammates hadn't showed. Sitting in the dark corner of the tavern, Naruto waited for Genma to return from the bar.

_Ah well… I'm guessing that they're really caught up in their stuff. Meh. It's a good night to have a drink and relax, though._

There seemed to be a dearth of Jounin this evening. Most of the time, when they weren't called away on overnight or week-long missions, the Jounin gathered at this bar for chatting, serious drinking and gossip exchange. Even though the younger Jounin enjoyed the superior drinks of the establishment and the sense of ancient tradition as seen by the inscribed carvings and graffiti in the wooden beams, they only came around every so often. On the other side of town, there was a flashy club where dancing could be had – and the girls loved to dance. And, as Shika noted, the boys were content to watch.

_Sometimes._

Naruto looked up and wondered if he took the time he would find Kakashi's mark somewhere in the eaves of the building. If there was some sort of sign of his sensei's existence.

_Or maybe not. He doesn't seem to be the prankster type._

"Praying to kami – or your ancestors?" Genma's husky voice asked mockingly.

"Neither," Naruto laughed. "I don't know them."

Genma shrugged.

"Yeah – well – it's not like they'd be interested all that much in what we have to say, anyway – lucky bastards."

"So," Naruto asked, eyes burning as he smacked his hand down on the table and loomed over Genma. "What's with this whole trip?"

"We need to talk."

"I thought we just did," Naruto blinked. "You have an ulterior motive?"

"Well… Those files on your team – you're not reading them to find out about Team 7, am I right? After all – it's about YOU."

Naruto hesitated.

"It's alright," continued Genma. "I understand. You're looking for your sensei."

Naruto blinked.

"How did you-"

"Iruka was concerned enough to come to us."

"What…"

"Yeah. Apparently Sakura's been off her feed lately."  
"And why you?"

Then Naruto remembered what Asuma said.

_

* * *

Genma was the one who really helped me understand, come to think of it. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have been more sympathetic. I found out that that day had been his first time in the mission room in EIGHT years – for EIGHT years he had been in ANBU!_

* * *

"Genma. You're close with Kakashi. You were his friend, right?"

"Well… friend is a little too strong of a word. I was no more important to him than Gai, who was his rival – or Asuma, who was his drinking buddy and butt of his jokes."

"And what were you to Kakashi?"

"I don't know. But we are connected through knowledge…"

_

* * *

Lightning's Howl raised his voice in the falling dusk – and the glory of the Hatake was revealed. The dying sun was suddenly drowned in flaring white chakra._

_For a moment, he thought that Kakashi would be goo at the bottom of the lizard's foot – but the force of explosive chakra broke outwards – blasting trees, rocks and reptile away._

_His hair stood on end. His eyes were slitted and steel grey. His teeth were bared in a growl and across his cheeks lay stripes – three long grey ones on either side._

* * *

"Oh."

"I'm sorry that I can't say. But… I do care what happened to him. So I went to check it out."

"I understand if you can't talk about him in the present – nobody seems to have a clue about that – but how you met him might even be important."

Genma smiled sadly at that thought.

_

* * *

A kid he had bumped into when he was six – Kakashi-kun had been three. Genma sniffed. It was the weird kid they all laughed at. For a moment, they sized each other up and then, Genma smiled. That was the immediate bonding in mischief. Unfortunately, Shiranui-san and Sakumo-san had to tear the two brats apart in the end._

"_We're okay!" Genma had laughed, massaging a massive bump on his head._

"_We're just playing!" Kakashi had grinned around a split lip._

* * *

But time parted them, Kakashi went ahead everybody into the Academy and wasn't too social after the death of his father._

* * *

And then, there I was - just a new Jounin on a mission gone wrong. ANBU came for full retrieval. And I recognized the shock of white hair on what looked to be a young teen. Kakashi had only been sixteen years old, I found out years later. Then, he had been a killing machine – now… he's probably not much different._

* * *

"Genma? Genma?" Naruto prodded the still Jounin.

"Oh! Sorry! Just thinking."

"Well?"

"The past doesn't matter – much. He's gone through changes – but, the way he is now isn't not really different from the past. No. The past can wait – I got something for you. Top secret. Tell only Sakura and Sasuke. You got it?"

"Sure, sure!"

"No one else?"

"I promise!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure! I haven't even got a koibito like you do! Nobody to gossip with!"

"Okay. Here."

Genma, glancing around, placed a small scroll in front of Naruto.

Naruto stared at it.

"WHHHAATTT! Another file? GEEZZZ!"

"SHHHH! This is important! And VERY, VERY classified! If you're caught with this… you're dead. ANBU stuff!" Genma ended in a whisper.

"Oh."

Carefully opening the scroll, Naruto looked down and began to read.

It was a complex infiltration with three operatives. One being Kakashi.

He couldn't understand everything – but it seemed as if…

"It had gone wrong."

"Terribly wrong."  
"This happened… a year or so ago?"

"Yeah."

Even Genma looked frighteningly serious.

"I see…"

Naruto sorted out the words, trying to piece together what happened. It hadn't been written by Kakashi – some other guy… Yukio….

_Operative captured. Disappeared for a month. ANBU team sent out to search and destroy if necessary. Operative recovered. Evidence of heavy physical and sexual assault. No estimate for mental trauma. Medical file attached._

_Injuries: Broken right arm – in three places. Broken left hand – two places. Abrasions over body. Multiple bruising. Concussion. Rectal and internal hemorrhaging. First and second degree burns. Subject is catatonic. _

"Sakura would understand this better," he muttered. "I don't understand."

"Perhaps it is better that you don't."

"And what do they mean by – sexual assault – exactly?"

"There are terms down below… I think…"

_Lacerations across torso._

_Evidence of chemical burning on skin, soap in the stomach, electric shock._

_Impalement._

_Heavy bruising – _

His eyes fell on a word and then slid sideways in disgust and fell on the next word – penetration.

Naruto turned away, horrified and sick to his stomach.

"I don't think –"

"Yeah."

"He's done this before?"

"Not often," Genma said carefully. "But more than he ought to be… It took him about two months to recover from that one. I don't think he was the same after that. Especially since this whole fiasco started with Kakashi having to kill a traitorous teammate."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

"Gai was right. Iruka was right. So was Asuma."

"What did they say?"

"That it would be better if he were dead."

"I hope you don't actually believe that."

"I don't know what to believe."

With that, Naruto left the inn.

"You think that was too much for him?" asked Genma.

"I don't know," a soft husky voice said, behind him – from the adjoining booth. "We'll just have to see. But it's for Kakashi's best."  
"Hn. Let's hope it works out, Ibiki. Or else…"

"There is no other option."

There was a pause.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because…" Ibiki paused, unsure.

_A young ANBU with dark eyes full of secrets – and deep down – pain. His broken body a couple of years back, lying still – looking vulnerable and small on a bed in a silent, windowless ANBU hospital room._

"He's given so much – this is our gratitude."

* * *

Naruto found himself at the Memorial before he knew what he was doing. Looking up in the dim light, he could just make out a dark uniformed ANBU. Suddenly he remembered the shinobi he had seen at the Ramen Shop. But this one was different – this one looked like hell.

His arm had a tourniquet around it and a rather dirty bandage. The clothes were torn – and from the tense way he stood – it seemed as if he were nursing other injuries. Everything was muddy and bloody.

The dark side of ANBU.

And then, the ANBU turned – and froze.

Naruto just stood there, jaw dropped open, gaping like a goldfish.

He noted – as if from a distance – that there was no bone-white mask covering the face. The face of the Hound hung at his hip.

_No mask._

_That's why – that's why I know – why I see._

The mud and blood didn't disguise the rather greasy, matted hair, the black mask and two differently colored eyes – one red, one black with fatigue.

"Kakashi-"

Naruto's voice broke the spell and without another word, the operative – _no, his sensei – was it even his sensei anymore? _– jumped away into the trees.

Naruto didn't know what to think. Gathering his chakra to his feet, he was about to follow his sensei – he could detect the weak, white faint blur of chakra, when fingers on his elbow stopped him.

"Neji! Let me go!" He snapped, trying to pull away as he realized who it was.

"Forget it," the older Jounin said calmly. "Forget him for now. You can't help him like this."

Naruto subsided, his eyes full of uncertainty.

"I don't know what to do."

"Then don't blunder in when you have no battle plan."

"What are you doing here?"

"A visit to remember a second cousin."

"Ah."

"And you?"

"I – I – I came here to think. Being here – seems to calm me."

"I know what you mean."

"You've got times when you need to think too?"

"All the time," Neji said grimly. "Today, I met Sasuke… and what he said… what he's doing – it made me realize that the bonds of team are deep. More deep than one can fathom."

"Team," sighed Naruto, obviously downcast. "Do you think we are a team?"

"Of course."

"Are you sure?"  
"How could you not be?"

"Well… people seem to think that Kakashi-sensei is somehow – not with us anymore. As if he were a different person. No. That's not it. They seem to think we never WERE a team. I thought we were. Did you see him? He doesn't even respond… Was I wrong?"

"What does your heart tell you?"

"That we were."

"Only you know the truth of the matter. And seriously, hindsight is always 20/20."

"Huh?"

"Tch. Don't be an idiot. It means, looking at the past, it's always obvious. But you know… people who say, 'He wasn't a good sensei' or things like that, are only trying to give ideas as to why things happened the way they did. They're scared – so they blame it on people or circumstances or actions. Like I did."

"You did?"

"Of course. When I was angry at everybody, I was really just scared about a future I thought I couldn't control. I needed to realize that I had gotten bitter and stuck in a rut. But you taught me that you can change everything – as long as you care enough. Love enough. Fight enough."

"Neji! You're so cool!"

"No. It's you, Naruto. You shouldn't give up faith, just because some people have labeled your sensei as mistaken. Besides. Everybody makes mistakes. It's a given. Deal with it and move on."

"Wow. You've been thinking about this a lot."

"Well… Sasuke's visit – brought up memories of the Chuunin exam. I couldn't help but wonder if we would have gone all out for each other back then – like you guys did. And you don't know how tough Kakashi-sensei got with Iruka in order to get you guys in the Exam to start with."

"Yeah. I heard they fought in public. But Kaka-sensei won. He always does."

"Then you can do it," Neji paused. "Are you done here?"

"I guess."

"Then come with me to drop by the Club. I could swear Hinata and Hanabi and the rest of the gang were going to be hanging there tonight."

"Really?" Naruto grinned. "Sure thing! Let's go! What are we waiting for? We don't want Hinata to wait."

Following the blonde, Neji smirked.

_Hinata, eh? Does he even realize that Hinata is still waiting for him? Waiting for him to come to his senses and realize what he holds in his heart – what her heart holds for him?_

_**

* * *

I'll take your part**_

* * *

It was around eight (after the shopping trip, where he ended up with groceries as well and then a dinner) that Sasuke headed out to his self-appointed mission. Taking a back route, Sasuke surreptitiously hopped up onto the Hatake residence wall – and found his way through the garden to the Shrine in the middle.

He stopped, confused. The ground had been hastily cleared away, the ivy pulled off. And then, he stiffened. Mixed in with the fragrance of flowers, there hung the smell of fresh blood. New prints of boots also showed up in the mud – on top of his older ones from earlier in the day.

_Somebody's been here._

_Blood._

_Somebody's injured._

Whipping around, Sasuke scanned the large garden, the broken shed and the empty training grounds. Nothing.

_Nobody. But still…_

Concentrating silently, Sasuke extended his senses to include the house.

_Somebody's been here to clear the Shrine. It's small – which means they could have cleaned it under twenty minutes… they could still be here._

_Ah…_

He found a faint chakra signature on the roof of the house. Sasuke glanced up – but not seeing anything, charged chakra to his feet and jumped to the edge. Carefully creeping forward, he attempted to look as non-offensive as possible.

Sure enough, standing there, poised to flee – tall and silent – Kakashi-sensei in full ANBU regalia. Kakashi-sensei – looking as though he'd just been involved in a brawl.

_More like a mission gone wrong._

Watching his sensei carefully, Sasuke moved forward. ANBU were dangerous but Sasuke had grown a lot since his early Genin years – and it looked as if Kakashi was badly injured. The ANBU jumped at the sound of Sasuke's sandals grating on the roof tiles.

_Okay. He's twitchy. Nervous. Scared. Upset. Why? How bad was his mission? How injured is he? What do I say?_

"Kakashi-sensei," he whispered in as soft of a voice as he knew how.

_Bad move. _

Before he knew it, the grey-haired shinobi had jumped back, fallen off the roof awkwardly to his feet, coughing wetly.

_He's bleeding internally. Fuck. Where's Sakura when you need her? Touching him right now is NOT an option, I guess._

Without moving, Sasuke watched Kakashi jump away into the obscuring night.

_There's nothing I can do. Nothing now that I can do, is there?_

Then he turned back to his satchel. Pulling out three candles, he lit them carefully with the match and watched the incense disappear into the night – mingling with the scent of the flowers.

_Kakashi-sensei. I'll remember for you._


	15. Healing Before the Storm

**THIS IS NOT A NEW CHAPTER! GO BACK TO CHAPTER 13 TO READ A NOTICE I PUT UP ABOUT THIS!**

_WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! _

_**Do not read any further without reading the warning!**_

_Warning: SEVERE angst! M/M. NON-CON! DISCUSSION of TORTURE, SEXUAL ASSAULT! SWEARING! And some violence… I think…_

_Pairing: Yukio/Kakashi, Sakura/Kakashi._

**I don't own Naruto!**

* * *

**Healing Before the Storm**

_Where to go?_

They were everywhere. The faces of his past. His father stood there, proud and tall, in the main street, overshadowed by the large Missions building and the Academy. The red reminded him of blood.

Kakashi turned and ran in the opposite direction – darting from rooftop to rooftop in an insane effort to leave it all behind.

"_Where are you going? Why are you leaving me Kakashi?" _whispered a gentle voice.

It was Rin sitting in her favorite spot on the railings of the hospital.

_No. No. Don't even go there._

_Don't. _

The memories gushed in as he turned away – staggering from pain and fatigue.

_

* * *

Rin in his arms looking up as life left her lungs. Blood leaking out of the corners of her mouth and the edges of her eyes. He knew what was happening – what happened: a jutsu which had liquidated her entire insides. She was feeling nothing now – there was nothing inside her. He was holding a dead human doll – the person who had loved him above all – and he couldn't even return one feeling._

_Obito's eye looked down on her and cried. Obito could see the crushed, irreparable chakra pathways – he was the one who cared most about her._

"_It's the way things are," Sensei said softly, not attempting to budge Kakashi, as he held his dead teammate. "It's okay, Kakashi, it's okay to cry."_

_But Kakashi couldn't, so Obito cried more._

"_If I had –"_

"_Don't regret anything," his sensei corrected. "I live with loss, with memory, with mistakes. But no regrets. When I die –"_

* * *

Kakashi turned away, shutting his eyes against the words and the thoughts.

He opened them to find himself near his parent's graves. It was right that he should be here tonight. This was the night of ghosts. Still… of all the people he had seen, her face wasn't there among them.

_

* * *

Papa._

_I can't remember._

_I can't remember her face. It's blurry._

_You'll remember the one you truly love, Kakashi. You'll never forget._

* * *

He thought hard, but either it was because of his fatigue, or his pain, he could feel nothing. He could see nothing.

Then –

_Pink hair, green eyes and a bright smile. Blonde hair, blue eyes and a loud voice. Black hair, black eyes and determination._

Pink hair – his blurry vision – found his mother's grave.

_Pink hair._

It was another phantom.

"Why is it you?"

Sakura turned.

Kakashi fell to his knees and collapsed against the tombstone. Sakura was too stunned to realize it – to say anything.

_

* * *

Kakashi-sensei._

_He is HERE._

_Just as I thought…_

_Just as you hoped –_

* * *

Sakura's mind left that thought and jumped to the next conclusion.

_He's injured. He needs medical care immediately. Thank Kami he came here…_

Pulling out her everlasting, ever present medical kit, Sakura laid out her supplies and started to tally up the damage.

_Wheezing… broken ribs… I won't be able to take the mask off… but… I can see that the glove has to go – he's been cut badly… and the shirt for the ribs… And he's really twitchy… As if he were more animal than…_

Humming a soft lullaby, Sakura's voice soothed the shivers and quaking, until Kakashi calmed down.

Barely even touching his skin, she unzipped his vest, sliced open his shirt and his glove and removed the tourniquet to apply a cleaner one to his upper arm. Laying her slim hands on his shoulder, ignoring his unconsciously desperate attempts to move, she gently inserted her chakra into his skin, focusing on the cut and on his damaged chakra paths. Immediately he relaxed, sensing that she meant no harm.

Fifteen minutes later, the damage to the arm had been contained. Still humming, she moved her hands to his chest and ribs. Her eyes welled up with tears as she noticed the various pale scars that littered his torso – the more recent bruises and cuts – and the obvious swelling from badly broken ribs.

_He's really gotten built. Kind of –_

She blushed.

_Really, Sakura. At a time like this! Still…._

She sighed, as her other hand, traced his face – and his eyelids fluttered open, hazily.

"Wha-"

His fingers flexed, and slowly he became more aware of what happened.

"Why're you… here?"

Sakura wisely didn't answer. She merely hummed as she completed her work on his ribs. Leaning back, the pink-haired Jounin perused him, noting how skinny he had gotten – there was only lean muscle to be found on this ANBU.

He was too pale. Too thin. Too worn. Too fatigued.

_And his eyes say – _

_Too frightened. Too lonely. Too wild._

"Mother used to sing that."

_

* * *

Mother._

_Pushing him on the swing._

_Calling him in for dinner._

_Trying to lean down to pick up his toy._

_Waddling off to the store, while Father tried to stop her._

* * *

"_Why are we moving?"_

"_For you."_

_He ran to his mom and gave her a hug. Her hands were warm as they surrounded him – he looked up. But her face was a blur._

* * *

He inched himself up into a sitting position and bent his head, hoping that his phantom-come-real wouldn't see.

_It's okay, Kakashi-kun, it's okay to cry._

_No._

His tensed his shoulders so she couldn't see his tears.

Then he felt her soft hand brush against his shoulder – then, move lower to give him a comforting pat and a squeeze. It was then that she recognized the slight tremors for what it was.

She leaned forward then, quickly to surround him. For a moment, Sakura wished she had all the power in the world to comfort him – to protect him from whoever would hurt him. Ignoring the smell of sweat and blood on him, the gentle-hearted medic buried her face into his bushy, dirty mane and pushed all of her love out from her heart, down her arms and into his body.

_I don't want to let him go._

At first, there was no response on his part, and then slowly, he sank into her warmth. It was a gentle fire – a soft light seemed to surround her. For that second, he cherished it in her arms.

Eventually she had to let go.

_I can't help him now. It'll take time. We have to part some time – if only this moment could last forever…_

"I miss you," she said softly.

Even then, he didn't meet her eyes; his fists clenched again – the muscles in his arms jumped.

"I'm sorry, "he said hoarsely.

She nodded, rose and left, at first, trying to battle her tears while walking at a measured pace. Then, the tears broke loose – and she ran with them – shaking as she sobbed out her heart.

_I feel so helpless. His heart is the dark – when I held him, I felt that pull. That pit. That neediness. Like the evening. How can I bring light to such a person?_

_**

* * *

See how they shine**_

_**When you need a friend**_

* * *

Watching his old student leave, Kakashi felt colder than ever.

_I never knew such warmth – why does the light have to leave with them? Why am I always here alone?_

His eyes dropped to the tomb – newly cleared, with fresh food set out, flowers and some candles.

_Why was she here – today of all days?_

Haltingly, he raised his hands to trace the sunken letters.

Hatake Sakumo. Hatake Hanako. Hatake Ryo.

_Father. Mother. Brother._

With her gone, the guilt, the shame – the regrets – washed in and drowned him.

When she got home, Sakura realized she had forgotten about meeting with Sasuke and Naruto. For a moment, she considered going out to find them – but then, looking up at the pale moon and the dark sky, let melancholia sweep over her.

_No._

_This is a night for grief._

* * *

Sasuke rose from his kneeling position at the shrine – it was time to get to the bar – he was already two hours late. Once there, he found a very drunken group of Jounin. Genma had fallen asleep in the arms of Raido, Ibiki was escorting his lady friend out. Nobody was in the mood for talking.

But no Naruto (although he had apparently left in a hurry). And no Sakura (never showed). He shrugged and left almost immediately.

Fifteen minutes later, he was on the other side of Konoha in the Club – the regular hanging spot for the next generation of Jounin. Kotetsu and Izumo had gate crashed – bringing beer and a funny story about Shizune with them.

Naruto was on the dance floor, slow dancing with Hinata. Sasuke said nothing but watched them from the shadows. He understood. Naruto's eyes said it all.

_Worry. Anxiety._

_We need to live life – or else we're the walking dead. To walk in the light. To make memories – to find love – to kindle the fire of Leaf._

"Sasuke-san," a young Jounin girl in uniform smiled. "Wanna dance?"

He didn't wait to say yes.

* * *

Just as he was about to rise from his knees, he heard the slight rustle of grass and the smell of ramen behind him.

"Sorry. It's cold. I had a hard time finding you."

Kakashi didn't reply.

"Here."

The silver-haired Jounin looked down to find the round ramen container in his hand. For the first time in a long time. With a smile, he generated a little bit of chakra, gently heating the broth up – careful to keep the carton from burning away.

"Neat trick," Yukio smiled. "You gotta teach me that one!"

It was empty. Once again, Kakashi felt the cold fingers of fatigue brushing against his brain.

_If only – if only she were –_

He steered his mind away from such dangerous thoughts.

_From lack of yearning came lack of hurting. Besides. Monsters. No. Uncaring idiots like me don't deserve that._

No. It was empty. Not the smile, but the bowl. He stashed it away in the bag Yukio had and looked up into the burning dark eyes of his on/off teammate.

"I saw that."

"Saw what?" asked Kakashi, tiredly.

"That pink-haired chick. Who is she?"

"Nobody."

"Nobody? She looked like somebody to me."  
"Leave it."

"Leave it? Leave it? As if!"

"Yukio. It's nothing. I'm going home."

Before Kakashi could even get up, Yukio pinned him against the stone slab disregarding the candles and the food. Sakura's offering rolled everywhere – the candles snuffed out –

_It is so dark._

_So cold._

_Without you here._

_I deserve this._

And as Yukio yanked down Kakashi's mask to claim his mouth – bruisingly, terrifyingly strong – the Copy Nin only gave token resistance. New bruises formed on his thin wrists where Yukio's rough hands gripped him.

_I deserve this – not you._

Yukio's face and body blocked out the moon – everything was dark. Dark. Hot. Wretched and filthy.

It was pain and loneliness. Nobody heard anything – there was nothing to hear.

_I can't even cry._

* * *

Sakura watched the round pale face pass through the sky – then, bent her head down and closed her eyes to the memories.

_What can I do?_

_**

* * *

I will lay me down.**_


	16. Dying of the Light

_THANK YOU TO ALL WHO WISHED ME WELL FOR MY EXAMS! I THINK I DIDN'T FAIL ANY OF THEM!_

_TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! THANK YOU! FOR YOUR KINDNESS! AND I HOPE YOU'LL PUT UP WITH ME AND MY FOIBLES RIGHT TO THE END!_

_Noods: YIPPEEE! A NEW REVIEWER! Thanks! Exams are over as of today! So this chapter is a celebration! Hope you enjoy! I'm glad you're swept off your feet!_

_Blackrose113: (evil grin) Yes. Yes. The mystery of it all – is it killing you? Hahah! All will be revealed. Sometime. Not yet._

_Kaki-kun: Yes… I'm torn… it's time to move onto the living (hence the refurbishing of previous chapters etc etc) the plot is going somewhere… (shifty eyed) And yes, EVERYONE will play a part… I hope… I'm glad you liked the Sakura part! And this chapter won't make you like Yukio any better… sigh…_

_Neojoy02: ANOTHER NEW REVIEWER! YAY! I'd like to tell you it's the climax. But it isn't. Hard to believe, huh? That means I'll have to live up to your expectations… ah well… sit back and enjoy! My Hatake fics (there are two others) tend to last as long as 20 odd chapters… so this is far from finished. Just you wait and see!_

_Inquisitive: Thank you! I know Sakura is kind of OOC because she is actually less irritating than in the anime/manga… but hey… yeah… it works… you and Yukio… well… yes… more yukio coming up… any more reasons? Not yet! I have plans. Because of your questioning I actually went out and wrote up 3 documents (with other background info docs on ages, age correlations, families etc etc) labeled (this is a behind the scenes cut) "Plot sequence", "Plot sequence in Chapters" and "Detailed Plot Lines". Plot lines counted up to 10 and more! I kid you not! Anyway… enough spoilerage! Onto the show!_

_Jemiul: Yeah, I think this story is better than my other two… I'm glad you liked the Kaka/Saku sob stuff at the end… we needed that, I think._

_Mandy123: I agree about your comments on form and I'll try to keep that in mind in the future. But sadly, about content, it's unfixable. Mainly because other people do exist in Konoha and the effect I am trying to give is a chaotic busy everyday life where people fall into the cracks (or black holes in the case of Kakashi). The reason for the heavy dialogue then, is to move the plot along, and to get out of the insanity of Kakashi's brain (which some people find confusing). However, yes, you're right. More description is needed – and as suggested, I split the chapter into 3 – which I HAD considered but never did. I hope it doesn't throw everybody else off! But yes… sorry… the plot is recalcitrant. It's set in some sort of stone. I just hope nobody else will get confused! As for Yukio – I've got a very good reason (in my point of view) – and will Kakashi just take it? Read on._

_IisdaRikki: ANOTHER NEW REVIEWER! HURRAH! Glad you are into the deep and dark! Hope you enjoy this chappie then!_

_Hana megami: Ahhh! Yes! THE Kaka/Saku moment! So very very heart breaking – and clever you picking up the Naru/Hina. As for that kunoichi – you think I should get Sasuke an OC? I've got something down for that… As for Yukio – he's not there to satisfy dark YAOI cravings. No. Not at all. He's there for a reason… wahh! I cried when I wrote out his climax scene in rough… (NOT this chapter)_

_Snowfall: Sakura beating Yukio's ass… that I'd like to see… hmmm… don't worry – Kashi-kun will take care of himself… I think…_

_Sabireru: LH. Yes. He's there. Lurking. Bound. (oops… did I SAY that?) Yikes! Thanks for the good review (leaves before she spoils her own story)_

_Kittycatcharm: THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! I LOVE hearing from new reviewers. Seriously. It doesn't matter if it's short! Glad you like! I hope I didn't keep you up TOO late!_

_ShadowDragonBoss: I feel so bad changing things when people like you enjoyed what I already wrote! But I hope you will enjoy whatever comes ahead! I'm glad you liked the crazy!Kakashi and his crazy!Team. But then – who has more issues – them or us (who enjoy torturing them)._

_Otakuanime131: Is Kakashi gay? No. (And that's CANON – as far as I can tell). Is Yukio gay? Let's see… comes on to Kakashi. Touches him inappropriately. And does the ding-a-ling with said messed-up STRAIGHT Copy Nin. He's gay. You can say that again! This chapter will clear up this whole issue. And why is he into Kakashi? That's a MYS-TER-Y! Will Kakashi end up with Sakura? Yes. The (old) chapter 13 (no longer one chapter) I think cleared up that… still… do you feel tense? Do you feel that the ending isn't so clear? Good. That means I'm succeeding. Bwahahaha!_

_Darkflameangel: thank you for the lovely review and sympathy. Now I can sit back and say, 'it's all over now…" – because my university exams are indeed over. My last one, a dreadful Computer Sci was just done today! Hence this chapter in celebration – it's up to you to decide if it was written with the firey blaze of a brain or whether there's some genius in the madness._

_Jennjennr: People seem to think that I've got a real flair for angst/humor (something that really is present in my Kakashi ficlets). And I'm glad I've found some sort of a voice. I'm really glad you liked the humor. Some people get too hung up on angst (in my opinion) and all they want is darkness (which drives the author nuts) – but I can't help but fill in the cracks with funny everyday life stuff. And I'm glad you noticed my subtle hints as to 'What Is Wrong With Kakashi'. The whole Obito thing is just plain BAD form. That is to say, Obito wasn't there. My bad, confusing writing just MADE you think that. If you kindly go back and reread that part, I hope it's a bit more obvious (I edited it). That Kakashi views his eye AS Obito. In the Kakashi Gaiden (I hope I'm not spoiling anything for you, here), Kakashi when he faces off the enemy is only crying in – one – eye. That is, Obito's. So I wanted to incorporate that in there – that on Rin's death, even though Kakashi feels remorse, Obito within in him is the only one who can cry. This is important to remember for the future… (hint hint) (this is what happens when a rabid English Lit Student has too much time on her hands) As for the ending, yes. I believe life has ups and downs. You walk three steps and take two steps back – in this case, all 4 main characters have received information of some sort – and have to deal with it. In the case of Team 7, they are obviously going about it the right way – Kakashi has different ways of coping. I'm not sure what connections you're making to other stories/plots etc. but hey, connect away, it doesn't bother me if you read something unintentionally. I enjoy new interpretations of things. Vive la diversite! Thanks for the long review! I like feedback and dialogue. It engenders friendliness and giving in the Naruto community (which by the way, overall, is amazing!)_

_SweetAssassin: Yep. He's one messed up dude. But don't worry. Sakura's there. Or will be. Eventually… maybe… (looks shifty-eyed)… not. She'll be there. Some people do get survivor's guilt and all that crap. I'm just bouncing ideas around. Hope you like them!_

_NewtypeOmega: Gearing up – interesting term. Because, yes, gearing up is what is going to be happening in the next few chapters… thanks to my very dedicated, verbose readers I've taken this plot to the epitome of plot sequencing (read my response to **inquisitive** for further details)… but this chapter is more about trying to pull out of the mire. Funny how you like the dancing scene, I threw it in half-heartedly, and it seems to have impacted a lot of people… interesting… that's… very interesting (a la Jack Sparrow). As for the heartstring moment, yes. To be honest, I'm not even sure how to top that… (I guess that means going back to classical romances) I have to admit – and this may be surprising – but at the age of 24 I've as yet to date/be kissed or do ANYTHING. Yeah. So maybe it's all overblown romanticism. Yes. I'm sure that's what this chapter is subconsciously all about. I like to think of us all on equal footing – and I don't want any future relationship to be sugar coated. After all – that's when you know how important/honorable/worthy your partner is – in the worst situations. Truth doesn't come out with candles and roast beef. Anyways… back to the STORY… my lips are sealed… you may want to read some comments above about GL indepth – but anything more, I cannot say. And you raise a good point about LH – (thank you for that) – and I hope this chapter kind of sheds some light on that as well… (also read my reply to **Sabireru**)_

_Melissa Norvell: Yeah. My chapter was two long – so I split it into 3. If you read **Mandy 123**'s review and then my reply, you can see that I'm totally into criticism – although all the rest of my REGULAR reviewer's (such as: **Newtype Omega, Inquisitive, Kaki-kun**) comments REALLY WARM my heart and make me want to write more and better! For me, I HAVE to write – whether there are reviews or not. It's an obsession – but, on the other hand, I find that reviews totally make you want to open your Hotmail inbox!_

_KrowsScared: Long time no see! I'm glad to hear from you! Glad to know you like! I'm sorry that reading this fic made you hollow (I got that from watching Return of the King – I cried at the end only because it was ending – or from reading… umm… what was it… oh! The Man in the Iron Mask. The original novel – where almost all the musketeers die – in particular, Athos, who I thought was sexy…) anyway… hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_IluvJesus123: I'm sorry you're upset! I can't promise you that Yukio is going to be gone anytime soon – but he will be gone. Eventually. This chappie in particular, you might find upsetting. Just warning you! And there's no particular – nevermind – not saying it – you've gotta plow through it. (hands out cyber hankies) Sakura and I will be waiting for you at the end._

_**I don't own Naruto.**_

_**READ AND REVIEW!**_

_**WARNING: KAKASHI BEATS THE CRAP OUT OF YUKIO! But if you don't like M/M pairing, you might want to turn away NOW! **_

_**SWEARING! SWEARING!**_

**

* * *

**

Dying of the Light

"_Do not go gentle into that good night"_

"_Kakashi, be still."_

_Kakashi froze at the stern tone in his father's voice._

_Father never sounds like that._

_Never._

_Immediately, the white-haired toddler stopped fidgeting and tried his hardest to stand straight and tall like his father. But there wasn't much to see – and his attention once again wandered._

_He didn't understand._

_

* * *

Why was everybody crying? Why does father look frightened?_

_Why are people looking at me funny?_

_Why are we staring at photographs of Uncle Kikyo, Aunt Lin, and my three cousins? Why was Granpa's photo up there?_

* * *

"_Papa…" Kakashi's little white hand tugged on his father's ceremonial black yukata._

"_SHHH!" Sakumo glared at his young son._

_Kakashi's wide grey eyes widened and shimmered with barely held tears. His little lower lip quivered._

"_Sakumo," sighed his mother's voice – barely heard over the citations. "He's been standing there for twenty minutes…"_

_With a sigh, Sakumo bent down and whispered._

"_What now?"_

"_Why are we here?"_

"_We're here to mourn the death of our family members."_

_Kakashi's little eyebrows scrunched together as the little boy tried to understand what 'mourn', 'death' and 'members' meant._

"_Are they away? Is that why you are sad?"_

"_No. They aren't coming back."_

"_It's a long mission?"_

"_No."_

"_Then –"_

"_Kakashi. I'll explain when we get home."_

"_Papa!" pleaded the young boy._

_Sakumo sighed and hunkered down beside his young son._

"_Some people death is when you go into a dark place and never exist anymore. You just – become one with the night… but other see Death as a long journey you must take one day – like everyone does. They believe that when you leave everything behind and your soul leaves your body to become –"_

_Sakumo stopped._

"_Become what, Papa?" asked Kakashi in curiosity as he tried to fathom the idea of leaving his body. Maybe he'd grow wings. It was a nicer idea than being stuck alone in the dark and never living again._

"_To become something beautiful."_

_

* * *

To become something beautiful.__

* * *

Kakashi raised his head and thought about the word 'beautiful'.__

* * *

Father said Mother was 'beautiful'._

_My beautiful boy._

_That's what Mother says about me._

_Look at the beautiful flowers. Beautiful butterfly._

_Maybe I'll become a flower? Or be born again like a butterfly?_

_

* * *

Sakumo stood and looked away._

_Plink._

_Plink._

_Plunk._

_Kakashi counted the slowly falling rain as it descended out of the roiling grey sky – faster and faster._

_Plink plink plinkplunk pluuunnkkkk…._

_It came down suddenly in a heavy SHHHHHHHH! And without warning, the servants behind them whipped out large umbrellas for the new heir, his pregnant wife, and his young son. _

_Kakashi turned his gaze away from the now soggy flowers lying in front of the pictures – the pictures he couldn't see anymore – they were all fogged and running over with wet. Cousin Aya was drowning._

_The heavy atmosphere weighed down on him._

"_Mother…" he whispered, turning to his right._

_She looked down at him – with no face to be seen – just a blurry pixilated piece of flesh._

"_Mother? Mother! MOTHER! Wha- what-"_

_He tried to reach toward her – but his hand kept slipping – it was wet – it was rain – it was – it was -_

"_Kakashi – be silent!" his father rapped out. "You're an embarrassment to the clan – behaving like that – like a crybaby! You will BE STILL!"_

_Then suddenly – he grasped her hand – but he fell backward and down into a wood – his hands covered in blood. _

_

* * *

Where the hell is this from? Who did I -?__

* * *

In his arms lay a pink-haired medic bleeding copiously out of a massive gut wound. Shock hit him and he rocked back and forth, shivering.__

* * *

I killed her._

_I killed her._

_I'm a monster. Why was I even around her? Why did I think I could be THERE for her? _

_I'm useless._

_No._

_No._

* * *

"NO!"

Kakashi jerked upwards – gasping for breath – unsure and uncertain. His gaze took in two sofa chairs of an indeterminate brown, five family pictures on the wall, a small bookshelf and tape player. One door was shut and the other revealed a kitchen-dining room space. The kitchen was bland – a cream and pale blue. Completing the circle of the room – a dresser below a window and a tiny night table – Kakashi's gaze landed on the bed – the crumpled bed sheets, the clothes falling off the top onto the floor – and next to him, the warm body of –

_Yukio. Damn!_

_THE FUCKING BASTARD!_

At the same time, two hands jerked Kakashi down, while a pair of legs attempted to trap his beneath them.

"Heyy.." a husky voice said calmly. "You're upset. Calm down."

The feel of flesh on flesh made Kakash feel sick, he leaned over and retched over the side of the bed. Yukio pulled him back when he was done – but the Copy Nin lashed out.

"FUCK YOU AND GET OFF ME! GO FIND ANOTHER BITCH!" yelled Kakashi, surprised to find his voice raw already.

He didn't care.

Any sort of emotional stasis he had experienced yesterday – the memory of his mother – all that had been laid to rest. Bled out of him with the healing hands of –

No. He wasn't even going to go there.

_Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I have to be Yukio's lap dog._

_Just because I owe him my -_

Finding some leverage, he pried Yukio off him and before he could catch his breath, he took a hard blow to the jaw. Without even thinking twice, Kakashi returned it with twice the interest, kneeing Yukio in the groin for good measure.

"You're a conniving, deceitful bastard taking advantage of somebody you KNOW isn't in their right mind… you know damn well yesterday was – you fucked me on my mother's tombstone you – you bastard!"

Any chance of thinking rationally about this was lost as Kakashi got swept away in a wave of white-hot anger. Ignoring Yukio's heavy nails along his back, he pinned the black-haired ANBU down and began to seriously beat the crap out of him.

Yukio only smiled.

_It's a change. Enjoyable but –_

Yukio threw himself forward, shoving Kakashi before him off the bed onto the ground.

"They're always better," the bleeding ANBU said, spitting out blood – speckling Kakashi's face and torso. He threw up onto the floor, just missing the Copy Nin's head. "They're always better when – hah – when they're feisty."

"Get the FUCK off me you psycho!" gritted Kakashi, trying to push the pain away as Yukio's knee buried itself in his groin.

He tried to pry himself off the floor – anything to get Yukio out from between his legs – but already the man had gotten a hold on Kakashi's mop of grey hair with his left hand, effectively pinning the slighter male down. His other hand was holding down Kakashi's hips.

And Kakashi, as his head was jerked back to bare his neck, felt the horror – that horror – hot lips making a path down to – that deep dark hole – that pale mask of flesh with no face or hair or eyes – it was himself.

_Mother. You can't watch this._

Inside him, he could feel that part of him which growled for dominance – it surged in white hot flames to his hands – and for a moment, he hesitated, unsure.

_

* * *

He's my teammate._

_He's sick. Sick. Psychotic. You let him do this to you? Degrade you?_

_I owe him._

_You owe him enough to stop him – to stop him before he hurts himself. You're only encouraging his dark path._

_But I can't HURT him. I'm not using jutsu on him… Nothing big. Nobody needs to know what happened here. Just – _

_You know what to do._

_I don't know – let me think –_

_Don't think. Feel._

* * *

For one moment, Kakashi felt everything drain away in the face of the oncoming voice. All tactics, strategies, jutsus and memories faded from the dark nothingness to a blinding light.

He could here a soft voice – black hair and blue eyes telling him – bending over him – pushing him gently back onto a white pillow –

_Don't think. Feel._

_Megami?_

Acting on instinct, he focused inward – he let it go

Something he hadn't done in so many years…

_

* * *

Funny that he should remember Gai now –_

"_YOUR CLAN IS DYING, FATHER SAYS SO!"_

* * *

It was everybody laughing at him – because he was small. Because he was Hatake. Because he was Sakumo's son. Because he wasn't Uchiha._

* * *

Because – because –_

"_It serves you right!"_

* * *

Kakashi let it go – and ran.

* * *

"So, what you're saying is that the talks aren't going well," Koharu sighed.

"Not going well?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow, as she leaned back and sipped on her tea. "Not going at all is more like it. Yare, yare… I just – it's horrible. We're going to need a plan for this. Scouts everything. And so soon after the last one!"

Nobody wanted to say it.

Tsunade, her old friend and teammate, Jiraiya, Koharu and the new village elder, Zouba had gathered for a much needed talk – not only to review the financial growth, the political backing and the military strengths and weaknesses of Konoha – but to also consider the more troubling matters of inter-national, inter-village relations.

"So you mean to say," Zouba frowned, patting his graying beard. "There has been NO response from Rock? I thought that we had been able to end the War because there was a definite cessation of hostilities."

"That's correct," Tsunade nodded. She leaned forward, set her cup down lightly and then turned to her spiky-haired teammate. "That is, if Jiraiya got it right."

Jiraiya's eyes narrowed.

"Not funny, princess."

"Well… then?"

The Toad Hermit shrugged.

"I visited the Daimyo as you told me to. Ahhh! That was a good time! Such wine! Such food! Such company!" Jiraiya sniffed. "Better than what you offer me for this meeting."

"Ji-rai-ya!" snapped Tsunade. "This is NO time to joke!"

"Right, right. I went, I saw, I conquered. How could I not? I'm the Toad Sannin!"

Tsunade's face went red and her fist flamed with chakra.

"IDIOT!"

"And he was perfectly willing to be peaceful again with us. I was there when he sent the message to the village."

Tsunade paused.

"So why didn't it take effect?"

Jiraiya frowned and set his tea down with a heavy clunk.

"Who knows? Send some men out there! Send messages. You've got birds getting fat in the roost – send THEM."

"I did. I just sent Ebisu and his team out a couple of days ago – they shouldn't be back until the weekend…"

"Well… maybe it's just bad communication…" Zouba said hopefully.

Koharu sighed as she stared past the Kage and the Toad Sannin – past their shoulders and the open doors to the place where the wind played. Where the wind played with the leaves in Konoha.

Before her, the town spread out – large, prosperous, getting to its feet after a long hard battle.

_The town itself is a shinobi. It is a living thing we all fight for._

Tinted orange and red in the setting sun, the houses looked like the warm place she had dreamed of for years. Even here, she could hear the sounds of the market place, the children laughing and singing, the carousing of healing Jounin in the bars, the heavy beat of that new youngster music in the "underground" clubs.

_This place is pulsing with life. This is what is so important. I've seen this village go through three wars – my old bones ache for peace. Not just for me – but for all of them. We are bred to fight – but only to fight so that we may live in peace. But it's so elusive to grasp on this earth. _

_And no wonder –_

"Koharu-sama!" Tsunade yelled, jumping up. "Hurry! Something's happened!"

Koharu jerked to attention and saw that already Jiraiya was jumping over the roofs in the direction of the hospital. Zouba and Tsunade were beckoning from doorway.

Stiffly, she rose to feet, cursing her aching joints, and shuffled over.

_No wonder – there is no time to really sit and be content. _

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they were watching, through a one-way glass mirror, four medics headed by Shizune heal Moegi's badly broken arm and leg.

In the next room, Sakura was tending to Udon who was suffering from multiple burn wounds. Somebody had hit him really hard with a katon jutsu. Watching his skin blister, Sakura felt horrified.

_It's been such a short while since the war has ended. Only a few years! I never thought I'd see this again._

"Get a hold of your self, Sakura," rapped out Tsunade. "We need to heal him quickly before he scars beyond any sort of healing."

"Hai!"

* * *

"Where's Ebisu and Konohamaru?" asked Jiraiya, bursting into the small observation room. "I can't find them!"

Zouba turned and smiled.

"They're okay. We have them in a quiet room. To wait."

"We need to talk to them!"

Koharu shook her head, eyes never leaving the operation. "No. Leave them be. They need to know the outcome first."

Jiraiya turned to watch as Moegi's skin closed up slowly but surely around the newly set bones.

_It is hard to see something like this. I always end up divided. Because there are scars – there are wounds – and that means war, surely. But there is healing and recovery – and that means peace. Hope and despair are entrenched in these walls – even these new ones. I guess… that's life._

He shook his head slowly and walked out. Hospitals were never his thing.

_Sakumo and I would just go to Tsunade for some quick spot on healing… no hospitalization for us, no sirree.._

* * *

"Jiraiya," Tsunade's voice cut into his melancholic thoughts. "They're going to be fine."

For a moment, she stood there, watching Jiraiya's giant back – and wondered.

How it felt for her partner to be her again watching people hurt. Her heart felt heavy just thinking about the implications of this attack. His shoulder's stiffened and he turned, his smile lighting up the dreary blue-green hallway.

"Great. I'll go talk to Ebisu."

"Be easy on him – it's hard for a man to get over the failure to protect. Especially for one as upright as Ebisu."

"Yeah. I'll remember. But, Tsunade –" Jiraiya paused, as he once again looked over his old friend –

_We've known each other for so long and here we are surviving – holding each other up as we hobble on – what is that called?_

She was tired, but her eyes were triumphant – the usual high from a successful operation.

"I'm afraid."

Tsunade's eyes widened.

"What Ebisu might tell us –"

Tsunade hesitated, brow furrowed in thought.

"If it was Rock, you know what that means –"

"Yeah, I do. But do you want to realize that?"

"Jiraiya. I want to hope for the best."

"So do –"

But his words were never finished as suddenly, an ANBU appeared before the Kage in a billow of smoke.

"Kage-sama. We need your help. Urgently."

It was one of the young ones. His voice sounded slightly panicked.

"What is it? Is it an attack? It's Rock, right?"

"R-r-rock?" The boy seemed to hesitate. "Uh… I don't think so…"

"Somebody's hurt," Tsunade turned to leave – but was confronted by the sight of two more ANBU appearing with a fifth one, hastily wrapped in a bluish-green blanket, carried in one of the taller one's arms. "Jiraiya, find Sakura for me – I'm going to need help. How did it happen?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean? Was it a solo mission – here – put him here!"

"N-n-n-no…" another younger man broke in, stuttering in shock. "I-i-I found him… in his bedroom like that… Yu- that is, um… we were supposed to meet around lunch but he never showed and then it got to the evening and I th-th-thought maybe…"

His high voice trailed off.

"Fine, fine… I'll check him out… leave… all of you…"

They trailed out into the hallway, Sakura ran in – eyes goggling at the sight of ANBU around an operating room door.

"What happened? Another mission gone wrong? Do you think it's a combined attack on our bor-"

"No. No. Nothing like that… something, more – domestic, I think…"

"What?"

"Crazy ANBU – they're completely batshit crazy – but you just have to risk that… now let's see what this one has got himself into…."

There was a tense silence as Tsunade peeled back the blanket.

She froze.

"What the hell?" breathed Sakura. "That's not – that's not self-inflicted… There are scars from previous missions… and some new ones… and some even newer ones – broken ribs – uh – uh – bruising around the neck, the wrists…"

She couldn't bring herself to say it.

"And – uh –"

Two hand prints burned right in – like a brand – into the lower torso.

"We need Shizune," breathed Sakura.

"No. We don't. We'll be fine."

"What's up with that? Oh, hell… he's seizing!"

There were several tense minutes of chaos and scurrying as Tsunade attempted to place the man under heavy sedation while Sakura carefully suppressed various chakra points in hopes of controlling the man's obviously out of control chakra system. After managing to sedate the shaking body, Tsunade looked up grimly.

"I've never sent his before," Sakura gasped as she fell back. "What's the reason do you think?"

"He's reacting to foreign chakra."

"WHAT?"

"He was given an influx of foreign chakra – all at once."

"That's impossible!"

"Improbable but not impossible."

"You mean – the Hyuuga?"

"Sakura, the Hyuuga aren't the only ones who are able to extend their chakra BEYOND their body."

"So then –"

"Don't worry about that. I know what to do… I just need your help healing the burns and the more obvious wounds while I purge his system."

"You don't seem too worried…" Sakura mumbled as she focused on the man's skin.

"I'd be a horrible Kage to not know my own men. There's a history here. Trust me."

Sakura's last thoughts before her mind became totally enmeshed in muscle and skin were uneasy.

_What else, then, does she know that she cannot reveal – or won't?_

She thought back to Tsunade's acquiescence concerning Kakashi.

_She obviously WANTED us to discover him. Damn. She must be worried._

* * *

The room was small and claustrophobic – grey and dead feeling like one of those crypts that Jiraiya would visit when he had to remember his parents. It wasn't the best atmosphere for the obviously shell shocked men before him.

Konohamaru still in his rags. Ebisu, looking so fatigued and worn that a toothpick could knock him over, was speechless.

"First of all," Jiraiya smiled. "I'm here to say that Moegi-chan and Udon-kun are going to be FINE. Tsunade said they are making good recovery and you'll be able to see them after they've been cleaned up."

"Really?" asked Konohamaru, jumping up and then falling back rather ungracefully into his seat.

"Thanks to Tsunade," smiled Jiraiya – his eyes darting to the hunched shoulders of the silent Jounin-sensei. "But we need to get some information…"

Konohamaru paled and looked toward his sensei.

Ebisu made no move to comment.

"Sure…" Konohamaru whispered.

"What happened?" asked Jiraiya, trying to keep his anxiety down, to keep himself calm, to sound gentle.

"We were – attacked –" Konohamaru looked nervously at his silent sensei. "From all sides…"

"Where was that?"

"Ummm…" Another glance at the silent, dark-haired Jounin. "Just as we left the border."

"On the BORDER?" asked Jiraiya carefully, fighting hard to keep his surprise hidden. "Why do you think that was?"

"I don't – I don't know…"

"Do you have any idea of who they were?"  
Konohamaru shook his head. "I didn't see. I was knocked out before I could tell."

"They were Rock," said Ebisu into the following silence. "Rock…. I don't understand. I thought the war was over."

"So did I," Jiraiya said grimly.

"I managed to fight off most of them – Moegi was wounded protecting me while Udon ran off with Konohamaru…. We managed to get back over the border – we sent up a flair… so they left us alone to die, I guess… heh… they underestimated the ANBU. We've got a lot to thank for them…"

"Yes," Jiraiya nodded, thinking of Kakashi – and –

_Damn… that school…_

"We do."

"But why would Rock be so hostile? There is no need for war. Sound is gone and with it, all the contention, right?"

"Maybe, maybe not," said a familiar voice.

"NARUTO-KUN!" laughed Konohamaru (rather hysterically) as Naruto appeared suddenly out of nowhere. "We just got back from a horrible mission. Moegi and Udon were wounded badly – but we made it. 'cause we're tough, right?"

"Absolutely, Konohamaru!" Naruto grinned, hiding the sudden painful squeezing in his heart. "But of course, nobody can beat me! If I was there – I'd have kicked their puny asses into the ocean!"

"Yeah, right, bro!" Konohamaru sniffed. "These were Rock Ninjas."  
"So I heard. What kind of fight did you pick this time?"

"No fight! I wasn't even doing your hentai technique! We were just walking along and then – BOOM! We were attacked."

"Huh… sounds like they want war…"

"I hope not…" Jiraiya growled. "Speaking of war, that's what'll happen if Tsunade finds you in here. What are you doing?"

"Sakura-chan was called away from our meeting. We were just sitting down to talk about our findings when you took her away. What's up with that? You hiding something from us?" Naruto glared at his old part-time Sannin-sensei.

"Naruto. We don't want to panic the village with unverified information. That's all."

"Hnh. Well… this whole Rock thing sounds fishy to me."

"It doesn't concern you, Naruto." Jiraiya frowned. "Seriously. Do you want Tsunade to kill me?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm practically GONE. Just a thought though… wouldn't it be interesting if it was like – I don't know… Orochimaru again? That'd be –"

Naruto stopped at the sight of three shell-shocked shinobi.

"What did I say?"

"Naruto –" Jiraiya sighed. "You're going to be the death of me one of these days…"

"Naruto-niichan!" screamed Konohamaru. "Stop pulling my leg like that. You sound too serious to be talking about things like that!"

"Yeah, yeah… You guys are just getting old…"

With a smile and a wave, Naruto disappeared down the hall.

* * *

The ward was empty and quiet. Sakura – at times – liked it that way. As she paced the dark halls – savoring the moonlight – the gentle glow of dimmed lights, she embraced the warmth. Even though the halls were sparse, bare and Spartan, this was her home – her place.

Sasuke and Naruto had come by to set up a definite – unbreakable – date for the next day.

"We'll talk then – with No interruptions," Sasuke had said, his dark eyes shimmering with some unnamed emotion. "We can't afford to waste ANY time."

_What does he know?_

Sakura wondered.

_What can be worse than what I know now?_

Finding the watering can in the janitor's closet, she absently watered the few potted plants dying in the hallway – and then, decided to check on her three patients.

Moegi and Udon were asleep – walking the dream kingdom and Sakura wished them well.

Her third charge was in an out of the way room – as she walked down the hall way, voices echoed back to her eerily.

"You shouldn't have gone to THEM. We have our own medics, Makoto. You should have known better, Neko."

"We were worried – I wasn't thinking."

"Well, THINK next time."

"Yessir."

"Ichiro."

"Yessir."

"I'll be going now – you boys get home. Neko, you'll be relieved in two hours."

By the time, Sakura made it down the hallway, nobody was there – only 'Neko'. A cat. Sakura shivered at the sight of the female ANBU's fierce mask.

_

* * *

They're just like me though – just like anyone. I know those eyes. The eyes of a dying soul._

_I see them._

_I see them every day when I work with Iruka. Coming to us for help – to heal something even my chakra can't reach._

_But this – _

* * *

Sakura without comment, passed the ANBU and walked inside, shutting the door behind her.

_But this –_

She checked the machines. The chakra pathways – and rechecked the talisman markings. The pink haired Jounin medic surveyed her patient critically. It was a older man – well-built, black hair, lean, animal power encased in a human body – and a wide mouth.

She could see him smiling.

_But this –_

_This is my domain._

As she laid a healing hand on the man's chest, he shifted restlessly beneath her – as if swimming out of the green-black depths of the sea of unconsciousness.

"Kasshhi."

Sakura froze.

_What. _

_What was that?_

Without further ado, she turned and left the room – more confused than ever.

_Does that mean what I fear? I feel so stupid. So blind. I don't know where to go – but forward. But I - I can't give up now. _

* * *

Yukio woke up when Kakashi found his way home.

0100 hours.

As he fell bonelessly onto the green comforter of his bed, Kakashi wondered yet again – _why?_

_

* * *

Why did those memories have to haunt him? Why did they come to HIM in the night?_

_Why were – blue eyes, pink hair, stubborn mouth – the pictures flashing through his mind's eye seared him with an uncomfortable light._

_Why were THEY there? Still there? Were they waiting for me? Still waiting for him to turn up late on the bridge? _

_Didn't they understand? _

* * *

He buried his face into his pillow in frustration, running his long fingers through the dirty mop of his hair. His hands were dirty – with blood.

His hands.

Kakashi propped up on his elbows considered his hands as they lay against the stark white of his pillow. In the moonlight – they didn't look so bad. But he could see them – red.

_Not like Mother's soft hands._

Or Sakura's gentle fingers that brought healing.

_Sakura._

She was a cherry blossom – white-pink in purity.

_In spring. In growth. In life. In innocence. _

Everything that she was – he was not.

She was like the purifying white fire bound deep down inside him by emotion – by fear – by guilt – by self-hatred.

She walked in the light as he did not – in the land of the living – not in the ghost world that he attempted to survive in.

_

* * *

Damn those ghosts all to hell. And Yukio. And Neko and Makoto for that matter._

_I don't need them._

_I'm fine on my own._

_I can do this._

_I need to do this. Somehow. To finish what Father was supposed to do._

_To answer to those eyes._

* * *

He could still feel those eyes – he wasn't Jounin anymore – only two years old – just learning how to talk properly. He was the funeral of his grandfather and uncle. Uncle Kikyo.

_Great Uncle Kikyo. Who everybody had high hopes for. Who everybody praised. Who Father talked of with great respect and admiration – and envy. _

Little Kakashi didn't understand.

_

* * *

Why? Papa? Why do you have to change for them?_

_Why can't you spend more time with me?_

_Why are you so often away?_

_Don't you love me?_

_Don't you care?_

_He chose the dark – so that I could walk into the light. _

* * *

Kakashi curled up into a ball, his gut growing tighter and tighter at the thought._

* * *

I'm failing them. I'm so fucked up – I can't even help myself._

_I'm dependent on – her – pain – Konoha to find some sort of light. _

_There's none within in me, Father._

_I embrace it – just like you did._

* * *

Turning around, to gaze up at the now darkened room's ceiling, Kakashi shut his eyes and welcomed the dark. The dark was a womb._

* * *

A womb to be born out of._

* * *

"_Become what, Papa?"_

"_To become something beautiful."_

_

* * *

If only it would rain._

_To cleanse it all away._

He closed his eyes and saw the cherry blossoms fall from a blue sky full of branches. They softly fell onto his face and he smiled.

* * *

Somewhere in the dark eaves of the scraggly forest on the edge of a desolate mountain – somewhere in Rock, a grey-haired man – with dead eyes and a long scar – stepped into a clearing. And he waited.

Out of the gloom, slowly – with measured steps like an ancient horror – a black coat with red flowers emerged.

A small bell tinkled.

The cherry blossoms bloomed.

* * *

"_Rage, rage against the dying of the light"_


	17. Flowing Backwards: Hands Turn Time

**AN EARLY REVIEW! WOW!**

**The poem that begins, interrupts and ends this chapter was written by moi!**

**It is called "ETERNAL ERROR"**

**THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS! AND TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T THANKS FOR READING!**

**Alot of people have noted that either a) there's been alot of Yukio OR b) there's been alot of the Village in my fic. For those readers, this chapter should soothe the savage beast and calm the heart. **

**In my point of view, this chappie is a Kakashi-filler. Ah well... It merely sets up the scene for what is about to follow - and the poor man needs some rest, before his next tough mission. Seriously.**

* * *

_Sabireru – Is Kakashi going to kill Yukio? Can't say. Will LH come out in the heat of battle… You REALLY want me to spoil my own story for you? Well… you'll just have to see… but if you keep up with those expectations… I don't think – I don't think you'll be too disappointed…_

_Dream Sundancer – A NEW REVIEWER! I LOVE new reviewers! I'm glad you liked! The fanfiction world is vast and beautiful… and sometimes scary too! I hope you enjoy this! I love everything Kakashi as well… in fact, I don't care much who he's paired with along as it's about him! Hahaha! (In fact, of the 40 stories (or so) that I've written, around 32 (?) are about him….) I'm glad you can reread this stuff! Also, check out Meleth78, Kaki-kun, Kira-reen, Melissa Norvell, hmmm…. In fact, there's quite a few – so just check my favorite author and favorite story section and click on the authors there and you'll find A-rated stuff… Maybe you'll write something too? Kakashi-wise, I mean. Hint, hint…_

_Darkflameangel: I wish you the best of luck – and of wisdom, intelligence, understanding and diligence! I am very much a nerd – in the sense, I LOVE school – I just HATE exams… anyhow… yes… Yukio deserves things but Kakashi went too far me thinks. Ah well… to err, is human, to forgive, divine._

_Sakurabell: Yeah… that whole scene was really hard to write – I was crying for Kakashi… or not… yeah… and will Sakura beat Yukio up? Will she ever meet him? I hope you'll hang around to see! Thanks for the encouragement though!_

_Melissa Norvell: Ooooo! A new chappie for Mission: Freak out Kakashi? YAY! I'll check it out when I have time… (now just have to find that darned thing – time, that is…) Yes. It's all about what's inside you… but hey, reviews help a lot, right?_

_Noods: I know! (whines) I'm a wicked, wicked girl! Why am I doing this to my favorite man? I don't know… I'm psychotic. Yes. That's it! That also explains why I'm rambling, ranting and talking to myself for no good reason!_

_Inquisitive: Yeah… it was rather hard to write. But I hope I came away with the feeling that the situation is raw, shifting and hard to understand. I think motives and the mystery thereof is important in this relationship. As with ALL relationships. Same goes for Kakashi's memories of his father. Going by the Gaiden, Kakashi must have looked up to his father quite a bit (and loved him a lot if he was hurt a lot by his father's disgrace and suicide) – so the changes in his father probably disturbed him too. And does Sakumo change? Yeah, I think he did. First, there was the death of his father and older brother (who, if you read Sakumo's diary carefully in White Fang, Lightning's Howl, were very close to each other and kind of left Sakumo out in the dark about things like training…). Then, right after that, Hanako and Ryo's deaths. And then the BIG MISSION failure… that's a lot of mental blows to take. So that's how I read/wrote it. Did I say anything about my prequel novel which I will write after this one? Yes. I'm going to finish off the whole HATAKE CYCLE with the prequel to end all prequels… up to and including the first day of Team 7. ATHOS! THE DEMI-GOD OF FRANCE! WAAAHHHH! HE'S MY FAVORITE! He's mine! All mine! Heee…. And you're right! Why are all the movie Athos' so ugly? (call me superficial, but there you go!) We need an anime of the Musketeers… I kind of imagine him to have the coloring of Genma and the attitude of Kakashi mixed in with a lot of drinking… sigh…. What anime character do you think Athos would be? (other than Naruto… I'm coming up blank right now… except for maybe Wordsworth from Trinity Blood…) AS for the shower… well… I'm afraid I didn't give him a shower – I gave him a skinny dip… oh well…_

_Hana megami: I'm so sorry to hear about work being bad! I hope it's ironed out now! Thanks for the encouraging review! The irony hit me on the off chance and I decided to go with it. As for Tsunade – you're too smart to be safe! She DOES know things… but what kind of things…. Hmmm…. As for Kakashi's vision – as you can see – any type of peace comes and goes._

_Snowfall: We need to make a 'let's-kill-yukio club'. But sadly, I've already got some of those particulars hammered out… so you'll just have to watch him die – and from the ashes and dung of a brutal man comes the flowers of love! (sigh!) Kakashisensei – oi! Nan-chan! Your Gai-pose is scaring me!_

_Otakuanime131: I'm glad you're into the whole story! And here's an update! Surprisingly early! Hahaha! Hope you enjoy this Kakashi-centric chappie!_

_Subakun-sensei: You're a French reader, huh? That's pretty cool that you know two languages… To be honest, I dropped out of Grade 10 french before I could fail it… (sweatdrops) But my sister is really good – she's doing French AND Latin! (bulging eyes)… but at least my grasp of the English Language is sound! It kind of makes me sad knowing there are probably tons of cool fics out there I can't read because I know only English… sigh…. Oh well… I'm sure others feel the same towards English as well…_

I don't own Naruto… just as well, I suppose….

* * *

**Flowing Backwards: Hands Turn Time**

_Every day_

_Our leaves are turned anew _

_And each one has _

_An error scrawled on it_

_Can we be fixed by our own broken hands?_

_No_

_

* * *

Below his feet, the earth was giving way – a black hole expanding upwards out of this hell – growing like a dark monster in a child's nightmare – reaching up to swallow the stars. And here he was in the belly of it._

_Here he was – standing there – falling to his knees – curling up in a ball as he clutched his head willing himself to silence. Willing that wildness – that part of him which listened to no reason – those feelings of loneliness, depression, hate, anger, fear, bitterness, love, desire, joy and pride – he willed them into the silence._

_Or tried to._

_

* * *

Let me out._

_Let me out!_

_No._

_

* * *

Blood soaked his fingertips where they dug into his scalp – the pain brought back so many memories.__

* * *

A short knife slashing down through his left eye._

_A katana running through his gut._

_

* * *

And other things:__

* * *

His father's cool body as it lay half curled in the study – blood curling out from the huge hole in his torso._

_Mother lying silent on the ceremonial bed._

_And…_

_No._

_Yukio's rough hands sliding down his arms to wrap securely on his hips._

_Sakura's fingertips on his shoulder – her warm chakra and green eyes._

_No. No._

_Megami's tongue gently licking that oh-so-lickable spot on his collarbone – a few seconds before laying a kiss there._

_

* * *

It seemed so long ago._

* * *

"_Kakashi…. I don't know how it will go…. But, please, after that performance, you truly deserve something." _

"_Thank you for the honour."_

"_Now, let's go knock them dead."_

"_Hai, hai!"_

_

* * *

Tick. Tick. Tick._

_Time goes by too fast. Too fast for me to grasp it. To hold it. To do anything with it. It's like a child running after the wind – and once it's done – once the moment passes – that moment of inability – there is nothing you can do to change it._

_It is set in stone._

_

* * *

What do I regret? What do I relive again and again?__

* * *

His chest felt tight in anticipation, his breath coming, faster and heavier._

"_I guess," he said, his voice husky with desire._

"_So…."_

_Megami drew even closer, her face turned to his, noses almost bumping._

_Kakashi suddenly wished he had his mask on – his walls up._

_But any thoughts were lost as he moved past the entrance of her lips, his tongue exploring, sensitively, every part of her mouth._

_Then he withdrew, and paused in contemplation, his eyes, half-lidded._

"_Don't think," she whispered, the desperation of desire lacing her voice._

"_Isn't that a stock phrase in the movies?" he asked, rather hoarsely as his hands began to withdraw from inside her gaping kimono._

_Her hands clasped his wrists, stilling him – trapping his fingers across her breasts._

"_There's truth everywhere."_

"_Even here? Now?"_

_She laughed softly._

"_If you look for it."_

_As his lips and hands continued their quest lower, she moaned._

"_Kakashi."_

_

* * *

Kakashi._

_Why? Kakashi?_

* * *

"_Kakashi," A light voice asked him – the shinobi looked up to see his sensei standing there – and from behind him shone the sun. "Why are you hiding in here?"_

"_He's looking for me."_

"_Looking – who?"_

"_Howl."_

"_Kakashi – you're talking funny again."_

"_He's inside me."_

"_Now you're making no sense."_

"_I can't let him out! I can't! I can't!"_

"_Kakashi-kun! What could go wrong?"_

"_You can't understand, can you? You never will! He's tormenting me!"_

_Kakashi stood up and tried to run, but his sensei's hand firmly grabbed the Copy Nin's wrist. "No. If you try to hide – one day, you'll find that you have lost your own self."_

"_A risk I have to take."_

"_No. It's not."_

"_Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You sound just like him!"_

"_Like who?"_

_Kakashi didn't answer – but looking down into the darkness – he could easily recall that part of him – that voice. That being._

_That –_

_He was standing on the edge of the river, the world bending wildly as his chakra fluctuated around him. _

_The waters rippled with a thousand pieces of white glass as his light and the moonlight shone upon it. Looking down, he caught a glimpse of himself in the water._

_A flickering distortion. Or not._

_His grey eye and its red companion with slit pupils. Wild grey hair and grey triangular stripes slanting across his….._

_No. No. No. No. No._

_He shut his eyes, screaming and shaking his head._

_NO!_

With a jerk, he came to. Opening his eyes, he glanced around him wildly – panicked and frightened at the unfamiliarity of the place. Slowly, his dizzied vision managed to focus on the brick walls on either side of him.

He was in an alley lying on top of a pile of garbage bags. To one side of him stood the brown wall of a small store and to the other side, a dirty grey wall which belonged to a large new complex of apartments.

Kakashi rubbed his eyes tiredly as he tried to recount what had happened.

He had returned home feeling fatigued and drained – _feeling okay? Perhaps_. But then he'd had a hard time getting to sleep…

So he had gone to find a drink – but ended up more depressed than ever.

The images crowded in fast and hard –

_

* * *

Father's cheerful face cast in a stern light as he sat down in Granpa's council seat._

_Mother's anguished face as she sent Kakashi for a medic._

_Obito's empty socket as he lay there, wedged under the rock._

_Rin's peaceful face as blood gushed out of her mouth and stomach._

_Sensei's grin – and beside the dead kage – a blonde haired baby in a basket._

* * *

Kakashi battled with tears and lying there, he looked up feeling so – so –_

* * *

Alone._

* * *

Somewhere, above him, he could see the blue sky, and to the right the balconies of the apartments – where clothes flapped in the wind to dry, bird feeders hung invitingly, and from inside, the Copy Nin could hear the sounds of talking, radios, bumps and cries. A baby was wailing – then it stopped suddenly. From somewhere the aroma of soba filtered down.

Ignoring his suddenly aching stomach, Kakashi became aware of himself – alone, isolated and dirty. Still dirty from the evening before.

_

* * *

Yukio._

_His chakra charging out of his hands and into the firm body above him._

_The fascination of seeing his tormentor tormented._

* * *

Kakashi shut his eyes and blocked out the image – wishing it away – he sighed. Pulling his fingers out of his matted, greasy hair, he sat there, staring at the pale long fingers.

His hands.

_

* * *

Killer hands._

_Hands that could burn. That created seals of destruction. The bearers of the chidori._

_Hands that –_

* * *

It didn't bear thinking on.

He rose rather shakily to his feet. Understanding, feeling, knowing nothing but a desire to get away from it all. From the crowds. From the noises of life surrounding him.

Without looking back, he darted quickly across the rooftops to the walls – over the walls and into the forest.

He knew where to go for the calm he needed.

Sure enough, he found it – two miles south of Konoha, a small waterfall poured gently into a quiet pool which then fed a small river. Here, among the silence of the trees – where the birds were chirping peacefully, where insects whirred and somewhere a squirrel rustled in the undergrowth – here, he fell down, back to a large tree trunk, to catch his breath.

Looking up through the leafy boughs of the evergreen, Kakashi gasped and panted as his already taxed body fought to remain conscious – as his mind tried to bind up that welling flow of feelings –

Feelings as real as the prickly grass under his fingers. As the rough bark behind his head. Real as the warm sun filtering on his face.

_

* * *

No._

_I can't feel it. _

* * *

Already, looking at his nails, he knew what he would see if he crawled over to the edge of the burbling stream.

Drawing his knees up, the grey-haired man wrapped his arms around his legs and shut his eyes. For a moment, he sat there, curled up in a ball – and then, giving up on the whole matter, he decided that at least, while he was there, he would take advantage of the inviting pool.

Carefully, he peeled off his bloody, damp ragged shirt. His torn gloves were painfully removed. And then, after a moments thought, Kakashi shrugged. Stripping down to his bare skin, Kakashi limped over to the river and after half-heartedly rinsing the clothes out, laid them to dry on the rocks by the bank.

Leaning over the edge, he stared down at himself.

_

* * *

This unreliable mirror. This unreliable me._

_Who am I? Do I even know? Is this – is this wild creature you, Hatake?_

* * *

Hesitantly, he raised his fingers to the edge of his navy blue mask._

* * *

It too needs washing. Everything does._

_I'm so –_

_Fucked –_

_So dirty._

_What can make this clean?_

_

* * *

An error scrawled on it_

_Can we be fixed by our own broken hands?_

_No_

* * *

Slowly, he pulled it down, to stare earnestly. At two mismatching eyes – one black, one red. The straight (obviously well reset) nose and below, curved – he knew – his father's smile._

* * *

You are just like your daddy, eh, Kashi-kun! So handsome!_

_Haha! Just like me, eh?_

_Mmmm… well… you'll have to remind me…_

_Young Kakashi watched as his father pulled down his mask to kiss his giggling wife._

* * *

That mouth, those eyes, that nose – the high cheekbones and pale skin. The scar that ran from forehead to cheek on the left side._

* * *

This piece of flesh that makes me who I am._

_And the grey-white hair._

* * *

Kakashi sighed._

* * *

Did they ever see me? Did they ever see beyond the obvious? Underneath the underneath? No. They could never know – should never know – this._

* * *

Kakashi watched as his pale hand reached out to trace the new grey markings on his cheek. The sign of Lightning's Howl. Even as he shut his eyes, he could feel him – himself – who was he, really?_

* * *

I awoke a being – a completed a jutsu that I never totally understood._

_And now –_

* * *

The mirror revealed it all – baring his teeth, Kakashi knew that his body had once again been affected by the upsurge of emotion. It was there – the canines, the obviously long hair, the longer nails, the markings on his cheeks (like Naruto's seal) – and his eyes –_

* * *

His slit pupils._

_What have I become?_

* * *

Kakashi sneered at himself, suddenly irritated. And without further thought, broke the mirror – dived forward from his crouch into the clear, cleansing waters. Underneath in the cold dark, he relished the sudden death of silence – here there was nothing – only the sound of his mind and the SWOOSH of his hands and feet cutting through the water.

From above, warm light filtered down – touching the round, mossy rocks and glittering off the scales of small fish. Turning around, facing up, Kakashi's eyes opened – he watched the patterns of light dancing on the water – and his mouth turned upward –

For a moment –

He smiled –

* * *

"_There's truth everywhere."_

"_Even here? Now?"_

_She laughed softly._

"_If you look for it."_

_What can I find here?_

* * *

Breaking the surface, Kakashi savored the sudden warmth of the sun as it beat down on his cool head. After a moments thought, he paddled to his clothes and found in his pant's pocket, a rather large hanky.

Finding another rock, the Copy Nin sat and carefully washed his body down.

_

* * *

It's been so long…_

* * *

As he ran the grey-white cloth over his knobby knees, he noticed with a sigh that he'd lost too much weight in the last couple of months._

* * *

Gotta remember to buy vegetables…_

* * *

His fingers paused as the cloth ran over one light scar which lay across his calf from knee to heel.

His mouth went dry at the memory.

_

* * *

Four kunai pinned him down – helpless he watched as the rabid man raised his broken katana to cut the Copy Nin's leg –_

"_You killed them all – you fucking BASTARD! Die! Die! Alone! By yourself! Unwanted!"_

_He had nearly lost the use of his leg then._

* * *

Twitching at the thought, Kakashi's eye fell on a pattern of scars which invisibly lay on the pale skin of his right arm._

* * *

That too –_

_Ten kunai flying in his direction. He dodged five of them – using his right arm to shield his face from the others – then, disregarding the sudden screaming pain, he dived to the ground – bounding upwards to jam his chakra-covered katana up through the jaw of his attacker into the man's skull._

_Falling helplessly to his side, Kakashi's arm throbbed in dulled pain as the young Jounin rose in shock to his feet._

"_Kakashi – are you alright?"_

"_I'm fine… Sensei…"_

"_No you're not… Idiot…"_

"_Rin…"_

"_Is that all you can say?"_

_A pause._

"_Kakashi – you've had your revenge and now –"_

"_I'm so –"_

_Fucked._

"_So cold."_

* * *

Sitting there, in the warmth of the sun, Kakashi knew that he was still cold – it was there – that hard lump in his gut – no in his heart. It was spreading outward – it was spreading outward into his lungs –

_It's getting hard to breath._

The cold of that black hole night reaching upward – outward – clenching his lungs –

_It's –_

_Nonsense._

Kakashi shook his head roughly.

_It's nothing._

Dowsing the cloth in the cool river, he watched as it rose in his hands – soggy and wet – dripdrip dripping – the rhythmic sound of the water – the blood – that covered his body – his hands –

It was dirt on his body – like that time –

Kakashi's eyes glazed as he remembered – his hand clenched the clothe tightly over his –

_

* * *

The masked man looming over him – it wasn't Yukio – it was a monster – it was a fiend – it was his ENEMY. Kill it! But he couldn't move – they had bound him well – the rough hands on his body bruised him harshly as that alien moved into his body –_

_Kakashi's back arched in pain, his throat blistering raw with animal screams of rage and pain._

_He'd kill them all. Slowly. One by one._

_He WOULD be free._

_Already, he could feel that consciousness inside him slamming up against the seal that lay across his belly. No one could hold him in this prison for long._

_But he couldn't do anything._

_And he watched helpless as his tormentor – paused momentarily to gouge into his victim's pale – glowing – sensual – skin – just below the hip – LOVE._

_Love. Is this it?_

_Vividly I recall that moment –_

_No._

* * *

Kakashi clamped down on the thought – and watched sordidly as the cold spread through his arms and down to his toes. He watched it spread across his body - he could see it in the rippling mirror at his feet -_

* * *

All – all those signs were gone now._

_I'm back._

* * *

From a discreet distance, Genma sat on a bough – hidden by leaves – as he watched the Copy Nin rise to his feet, cloth in hand, dive in for one last dip before rising out of the river like some wild, prowling creature._

* * *

Sexy. Hot. Smoldering._

_That pale skin – the almost invisible scars – Raido – if only you could be here to see this. No wonder people go crazy over him. With that kind of body who wouldn't want him._

_But the outside – this muscular, attractive body is only a mask for something much, much more dangerous._

_Raido. Ibiki. What have we brought to light, I wonder?_

* * *

As Kakashi finished pulling on his tight white vest (if not clean, at least smelling moderately okay), the Copy Nin froze at the whisper of chakra.

Genma blanched.

_

* * *

Oh, shit. If he finds me here… shit shit… damn…_

* * *

Then, without warning, an ANBU dropped into the clearing. Kakashi was already jerking his mask down and turning he eyed the shinobi standing before him.

Genma could barely here the man, most of the words were muffled behind the mask.

"…. Mission…. –age to – country… backup…"

Genma shook his head as he watched Kakashi disappear into the trees.

_

* * *

You can never be free, huh?__

* * *

And though we try_

_We fail miserably_

_Why are we given a choice?_

_When we choose so badly_

_Day after day_

_We'll never get any better

* * *

_

**Next Ep: Two pairs of lovers travel with a message of peace. But something bars their path and the lone spectre of death - following them - guarding them - is sent to the forefront.**

**Kakashi in Lightning Country. What memories does that place hold for him?**


	18. Memory Lane is Blue

_188 reviews to date!_

_17 reviews in total for this chapter! WOW!_

_And not all of my regulars reviewed – a whole bunch were new reviewers!_

_

* * *

_

_THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED!_

**_

* * *

_ **

_Subakun-sensei__: Well, I'm glad that you're able to enjoy this fic! I hope that I'm not too confusing! If you ever have a question, just ask! And as for Kakashi – yes… this is a large story and encompasses a lot of people – but this is about HIM and his growth… which I hope I'm showing in a balanced way! Thanks for the encouragement! And the excitement!_

_**Kaki-kun**: To be honest, Megami annoys me – but since she played a part in Kakashi's growth earlier, she is kind of important. Sorry about the poem… probably I should have bolded it as well as italicized it… it would have been more set apart then… as for Genma… yum yum… I find it's really hard to balance the importance of characters and Kakashi – some chapters people find the conversations to be unrealistically focused on Kakashi and other chapters people find them to be 'fillers'… gahh… ah well… the beauty of novels is that you can tweak stuff on the way! As for LH, the details will probably be discussed in full later… but yeah…seals and the importance thereof… yes…_

_**Hana megami**: Thanks for the positive review! It's been a while since I've put my original poetry out there. I actually wrote the poem for myself one day, and I dug it out for this occasion – nothing like recycling your stuff… actually, my first debut into the 'writing world' as I put it, was a regional poetry/short fiction contest… yep. I won the poetry section 3 times in a row (in 3 years) and got an honorable mention in the fourth year… so, for the longest time, I thought that poetry was only my thing – but as time passed by and I found out about fanfiction, I realized that I could actually write prose better! (cough) anyhow, back to the story… angst. Yes. Lots of it. But hopefully, you find some laughs in this chapter._

_**Jemiul**: I'm glad you find this chapter okay! To be honest, it was one of the hardest chapters to write to date… other than this one… (sweatdrop)… but then, I had this image in my head: Kakashi underwater (a la Colin Firth in **Pride and Prejudice**) – naked – and looking upward to the sunlight dancing on the waters. It just – seemed so peaceful and beautiful. I needed to write it. So I did. And as for the past, yes, I think, as I rewatch the series, the past holds a lot of significance for Kakashi – which is nice – but also sad. The fact he visits the memorial so often – it's a cry for help. Seriously. Kakashi skinny-dipping: hot. You go, Gen-kun!_

_**Krows Scared**: No fear. Even if you write only 'Nice', I like it. It's nice to know that one is on track. Or even if one notes what was they're favorite part in the chapter…. But thanks! I hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_**AsphyXiant**: A NEW REVIEWER! WAAA! WELCOME! And I suppose from your 'durr', you like this fic. I'm glad you like it enough to review! Hope you enjoy the rest of it!_

_**Monomaniacal**: ANOTHER NEW REVIEWER! They're just coming out of the woodwork! Ah! It warms my heart! I'm glad you like it! And here's an update! Enjoy!_

_**Dream Sundancer**: As long as you're enjoying yourself, I'll take all the blame… (shifty eyes) just blame 'kakashidiot'… haha! I'm looking forward to your fanfic… if you don't mind, you could just go to my profile page, look up my email and send me your stuff to beta… I think I've got the time to do it… (like Shigure, I do have ulterior motives: unseen fanfiction… guuuuuu….) just tell me in the email how picky you want me to be… that is, if you feel comfortable… thanks for the compliments to my art. I'm afraid it's not my main ability, but I DO love to color – sadly, when I put my stuff on deviant art, not all the perfection gets through because of the conversion to jpegs and stuff… ah well…._

_**Kittycatcharm**: Yes, Gentle Lesson will be covering several other pairings… Iruka-sensei will have his place to shine… with Shizune of course… As for Kakashi… hmmm… yes… insanity… and Genma. SOOOO HOT! WE NEED TO SEE MORE OF HIM IN THE SHOW! I gave him his own chapter in **Revelation**… which was great… and yes, I agree… Genma is for the girls… but I put him with Raido – just because – he can't be ALONE! (sigh) His Japanese voice was done by the same guy who does Gojyo's voice from **Saiyuki**, just in case you wondering who has such a sexy voice… In fact, since **Saiyuki** is done by the same studio as **Naruto**, there are a lot of same voices… I looked them up since I'm a geek and they go thusly:_

_GojyoGenma_

_SanzoIruka_

_HakkaiGaara_

_The Hakkai thing really blew my mind… but anyways… and Kakashi's voice actor (who's done a lot of jobs) also did Hatori from **Fruits Basket**, and that other brothel owner/ Muraki's 'partner' from **Yami No Matseui** (in which Watari is done by Iruka's voice actor)… I'm blabbing and sounding like an idiot… so I'm going…_

_**Blueberry shortcake**: ANOTHER NEW REVIEWER! I'm glad you found it amazing! I'm so glad! Traumatizing and addictive, huh? Nice. I can just imagine it as a movie, and for those funny headlines on the poster (like, 'Two thumbs up!'), I'd have, 'Traumatizing and addictive'… nice. I'm glad I'm getting that feeling across. Hope this chapter will hit the spot!_

_**Snowfall**: awww! THANKS! Glad you enjoyed! Hope you like this chapter. It's kind of important since it's setting up several more plots… yeah… I'll say no more…_

_**Crystal Blue Dry Ice**: Oh! Another reviewer that's NEW! YAY! And I'm glad you are enjoying "THE HATAKE CYCLE". It's been fun to write – and still is interesting so yeah… I'm glad you think it's one of the best; that makes the hardened cockles of my heart warm up… (whatever THAT means) I'm glad you find my characters real – it's hard to keep them IN CHARACTER, when after a war, you'd think they'd have changed…. So… yeah… troubles…. But, I'm glad you enjoy my style of writing. I'm always writing drabblets and short stories, so… yeah… I tend to do it in my spare time – I'm always writing. It's sort of an obsessive thing for me… but as long as you guys are happy, it's okay, right?_

_**Inquisitive**: hahaha! Yes. I'm bad, aren't I? To be honest, I wasn't as detailed before – from about chapter 9 onward, I began to take this story REALLY seriously… so… yeah… I actually went and reread my stuff to kind of remind myself where I was going with the series as a whole. And then as I think I mentioned before, I wrote up these plot/sub-plot diagrams and stuff… so I can keep track with the whole thing – but the chapter breakdowns are going all to hell – seriously. I realized, as I was typing this chapter out, that I was going to have to break it into two – so here goes! Hope it's good, regardless! And as for prequels… it's rather sketchy… but yeah, it'll happen… sometime… Athos: his coloring more like Genma, his attitude perhaps more like Neji? But Neji doesn't drink… Jin from **Samurai Champloo**? Yes. That's it. Jin. (ALSO HOT!) And as I mentioned to Jemiul, Colin Firth is very HOT… especially in the **BBC Pride and Prejudice** – and actually **What a Girl Wants**… and **Bridget Jones**… Actually, I also like Orlando Bloom… (sigh) but yeah… that's me… other hot classical guys… Galahad? Legolas, for sure. Achilles. John Harmon from **Our Mutual Friend** (another **BBC** production)… anyway… yeah… drunk dissolute angels, so hot… as for the operative issue, yeah… that story… I need to steel my nerves and get that written and done with… sorry! No Yukio yet! (but it's nice to know that somebody feels for him…)_

_**Kiyoko**: THANKS! I'm so glad to hear from another new reviewer! HURRAH! I'm happy to hear that you're drawn into the pain and the characters and the plot! I hope you enjoy this update! When it comes to Kakashi, I kind of get obsessive… yeah… so – there's going to be a lot of emo and pain in this fic…_

_**OtakuAnime131**: Yeah… I'm a horrible, horrible fic-mistress! I need a life. But don't worry, Kashi-kun… (pets trembling Jounin) It'll all go away… soon… in a month or so… bwahaha!_

_**Shadow Dragon Boss**: I'm glad you're looking forward to the new chapters. I hope I haven't let you down! Last time Kakashi was in Lightning Country, THINGS (as Saki Hanajim would say) HAPPENED, so yes… things are going to happen… but it all depends on when I can cook up a good fight scene for the NEXT chapter… (shrugs) I just need to pull out my Pendulum, Dougan, Rammstein, Tatu, Linkin Park and FFVII OST…_

_**Melissa Norvell**: I reviewed!... I think…. Yeah… I'm sure I did… if I didn't, beat me. As for the whole poetry thing, I think I explained the particulars of my writing career to **hana megami** – and I'm just too lazy to cut and paste it… but poetry has been my 'thing' for the longest time… fanfiction is actually relatively new… but hey, whatever works for you, right? Thanks for the encouragement!_

_**SweetAssassin**: Filler is now over! YAY! Well… hot skinny-dipping fillers can always be forgiven… others can't… (shifty-eyed) This chappie is movement of plot (although, as you will see, last chapter may not have been as filler-y as we all expected… trust me to try and justify things…) hahaha! Well… anyway, enjoy!_

_**Darkflameange**l: Just got a poster of the Yondaime holding leaves up to you (he's lying on his back on a pile of leaves)…. Droooolllllll….. (bucket placed under chin) So hot… sigh… too bad I'm not a huge Yond/Kaka lover. It always seems… creepy… (even though I still read them)… And as for GenKaka… yes… we need more of them… yes… Kakashi's head is screwed up as usual. Sigh. Where are you, Sakura? Hmmm… well… when all your tests are done, certainly feel free to do some fan art for Gentle Lesson. Kaki-kun did a really nice one… Feel. Free. To. Do. Some. Fan. Art. (my attempt at hypnotism) hahaha! When all your tests are done, I'd feel it was a gift… seriously. But only as your muse dictates – although, to be honest, I had to kick my muse in the butt this time around – seriously, whip it – 'we keep you alive to serve this ship, so row well and live'… yeah… sometimes, writing isn't so instinctual – good stuff often means sweat, tears and blood. Not all the time though…_

_**Dampirecat**: Ouch! Well… we all have our different types of writing styles. Mine's kind of different. And there are quite a few people who understand it okay, so… yeah… maybe this isn't the fic for you? well… that happens. I can't stand people who don't space their paragraphs properly. And looking over my replies to my reviews, I do realize that I like to chat with my reviewers… and why not? It allows us to become friendly and exchange ideas. I haven't exactly timed myself to figure out the ratio of time spent on reviews in comparison to time spent on the story, but I'm okay with it for now (rather unrepentant, actually)… hopefully everybody feels free to criticize my work constructively…_

_I do not own Naruto… if I did, you guys wouldn't be watching stuff like "Inuzuka Kiba's Long Day" – but then, considering the subject matter of this fic, perhaps it's better for all concerned in the long run!_

_

* * *

_

_READ AND REVIEW!_

_I LOVE to hear from new reviewers! And new readers!_

_Hope you enjoy!_

**

* * *

**

Memory Lane Is Blue

_Time it was and what a time it was, it was_

_a time of innocence_

_a time of confidences (1)_

* * *

As she surveyed the four ninjas before her – bent to one knee, heads bowed in respect as they knelt on the kage's office floor – Koharu's heart swelled with pride. _

* * *

This is what Homura and I fought to grow – this will to survive – this capacity for love – the fire of Konoha. _

_This fire will never – _

* * *

She could still hear the Sondaime's gruff voice, right before the day he died – _

* * *

This fire – _

_Had he died with that htough?_

_To die with such a smile._

_This fire will never go out._

* * *

The elderly village leader sighed – as she suddenly focused on this team before her. 

Tsunade, beside her, was talking quickly and surely.

_

* * *

There is, after all, no time to lose. _

_We made a good choice with her, eh, Homura?_

* * *

"It goes without saying that this mission is of the utmost importance to Konoha." 

The blonde Hokage paused.

"As we consider the issue of Rock-"

"Issue of Rock?" burst in Iruka. "What issue?"

Genma, next to the volatile ex-Academy sensei, glared sideways.

Tsunade frowned. "All our efforts to get them to sign our treaty have failed."

"In other words," Zouba cut in. "We've been rebuffed."

"Which," Tsunade went on, "is a matter of concern – of course."

"Of course," murmured Iruka faintly.

_

* * *

War again? So soon? _

* * *

"Before I approach Rock personally, however, our relationswith the other countries MUST be confirmed." 

The Slug Princess sighed.

"Team 7 – Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke – they were able to confirm the positive relationship we've had with Sand and also got Mist's back up on the Treaty as well."

_

* * *

But there was trouble wasn't there, Iruka thought. __And they saw HIM. For the first time in years._ , Iruka thought.

* * *

The silence in the room extended as the four nins and the three village leaders thought about the treaties. _

* * *

If it's war, Genma sighed__, it won't just mean a blow to the Villages fragile strength – but also – bad news for people like –_ Genma sighed 

_Kakashi…_

_That – Tsunade – that must be why you can't get him released from ANBU._

_SHIT._

* * *

"So… to recap," Koharu put in. "Sound is gone – and Rice Field Country is now under our jurisdiction. Sand and Mist are backing us up – while Rock opposes us – all that remains of great note anyway is Lightning County – the Hidden Village of Cloud." 

"Which is what the mission is all about."

"We're going to be delivering a scroll to Cloud?" asked Raido, his somber voice breaking the ensuing silence.

"Just the four of us?" Shizune put in.

"We can do it," Genma interrupted, his senbon quirking madly – his hazel eyes narrowing. "We're shinobi of Leaf - we can do anything."

Tsunade smiled in pride.

"But," Iruka protested, he rubbed his scar nervously. "Team 7 – Naruto – they ran into trouble. There's no way we can fight ALL of Rock's shinobi if they're out to stop us – which they will be trying to do –"

"Hn…" Tsunade nodded. "I'm glad someone here is sensible. This team is merely going to be the attempt."

"What?" Raido blinked.

"A decoy," Genma said darkly.

His eyebrows knotted.

"For what?"

"For whom?" interjected Tsunade. "This will be a case of not looking back."

"I see – ANBU then."

"Correct."

"I don't get this," Shizune rubbed her forehead. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Hmmm…" Koharu shook her head. "We thought of that – but it would be too obvious – ANBU lounging about while some Jounin team tries to sneak their way in…"

Genma looked indignant.

"At any rate," Zouba murmured. "We figured that one ANBU operative would be enough to slip by - easily… but don't worry – if things get too hot for you, don't risk your lives unnecessarily. You got it?"

"Understood!" the four shinobi chorused.

"Your team is meant only for a temporary cover, Genma," Tsunade smiled. "I want you back alive – so I'm sending Shizune as medic. Four seasoned Jounins should be great decoys. Take your time – think of it as a double date – but don't be too obvious."

Genma nodded.

"The route?"

"Is pretty simple. Shizune?"

Shizune pulled down a large map and produced a long pointer.

"Genma, as the leader, this is most important for you to know," Tsunade intoned seriously. "The route is familiar to you boys, though – the same as the one we took last time."

As Shizune's long pointer trailed across the pale pastel map – as it followed a line of dots over a river, though the mountains to the border of Rice and Lightening then – upwards to the capital –

Beyond the capital, they knew lay the Hidden Village of Cloud.

"We're going through the capital this time around?" asked Iruka, eyes wide. "That wasn't our itinerary last time…"

"Yes well… that's the only deviation…"

"Pretty simple though," Raido muttered.

_

* * *

That broken city – that place where – _

_Hard black roads, concrete sidewalks, tall buildings larger than even the Hokage's office buildings – the mirrors of a million windows – the bustling crowds – the stinky smog of the noisy cars –_

* * *

Iruka remembered. _

* * *

And the gaping holes in the buildings – the broken flickering neon signs – debris everywhere still being swept up and cleaned – the open piping in the center of the roads as reconstruction continued – _

_It had been because –_

_Kakashi-sama…._

* * *

"Hmmm… it's a good way to throw off your pursuers – but at the expense of civilians," Raido shook his head. "A big risk…" 

He itched his scar thoughtfully.

"We don't want ANOTHER incident like the last time…"

"Last time?" blinked Shizune.

"Never mind," Tsunade shook her head. "It's immaterial. You boys can gossip with Shizune later. Although – it goes without saying that I agree with Raido. No random jutsus are to be performed in such close quarters. Run. And then turn and attack once you reach the country."

Iruka nodded solemnly.

Shizune sighed.

_

* * *

Even though the Grapevine is always running with the latest secrets – there are some things – hidden things – secret things that I can't even – wouldn't want to – shouldn't – comprehend. It's like an ugly serpentine beast coming out of a black oily lake. It smells like death… _

* * *

"It smells like what?" asked Iruka, puzzled. 

Shizune snapped out of her momentary dark mood.

"It's nothing."

"Is it a premonition?" asked Raido nervously.

Genma looked up at the dark haired medic.

"It's nothing," she assured them.

"I'll check the lottery today – just in case," Tsunade smiled.

Koharu nodded. "I'll keep an eye out for bad omens, too."

"It's really, really nothing." Shizune sighed as she waved her hands nervously.

"You look scared," Iruka pressed. "Something was wrong, I know it."

* * *

"Watch Mr. Sensitive…" muttered Raido. 

"Ugh…" Genma snickered. "Next will come his lovey-dovey act."

"You make that sound bad…"

"Isn't it?"

"I wouldn't mind that thing now and again…"

* * *

"Never you mind – I'll tell you later," Shizune leaned over to pat her lover's shoulder. 

"You better…"

"Break it up, lovers," grinned Genma. "We've got a mission to complete."

Taking the proffered scroll out of Tsunade's hand, he slid it into his inner vest pocket. Turning to his right, his strong white teeth clicked down hard on his metal senbon – Genma cocked his head.

Raido sighed.

"Our place first – we need to pack AND clean. Before we leave."

* * *

One day later, Shizune, Genma, Raido and Iruka were three-quarters of the way through Rice Field when they stopped for a short break. 

As opposed to most ultra-furtive, top secret missions – they took their time, conserving their energy for the battles – the ambush they knew they would run into.

"Or it could be nothing. At all," Raido huffed out a small cloud of smoke impatiently.

"You mean, you think Tsunade-sama's being alarmist?" asked Shizune as she passed her canteen of lukewarm green tea to Iruka.

"Oh no. Not at all. Just – well –" Genma sighed.

His narrowed eyes slid furtively to the side.

"That Rock might attack us. It's rebuffed our treaties… what the hell does that mean EXACTLY?"

"Wellll…." Shizune mumbled. "You didn't hear this from me… but you know Team Ebisu had a run in the other day –"

The three Jounin leaned in eagerly.

"An attack, I heard," Iruka nodded.

"From Rock, no less. And an ANBU team just newly formed disappeared the other day…"

"And you think –"  
"We sent some teams out to investigate – and we found traces of Rock jutsu –"

"So it wasn't all smoke –" Raido sighed.

"It's war, then," Genma scowled.

Shizune's dark eyes turned away from her friend's probing eyes. Her gaze, falling on the violet petals still in the bud – the green-tipped branches of the still waking trees, tried to find solace in the signs of spring. Beneath her clenched fists, the brown grass was beginning to grow green again – and somewhere nearby – just newly freed from its prison of ice, the river gurgled again.

_

* * *

This was a time of renewal – not for just THIS – but for us – and now – _

* * *

She sighed. 

"Well – anyway – those are the rumors – ANBU will find out – Tsunade-sama will decide."

The medic paused.

"And what incident were you talking about in Tsunade-sama's office?"

"Eeeehhh…" Raido grinned suddenly.

Genma chuckled.

Iruka groaned.

"You DON'T REMEMBER?"

"Should I, Raido-san?"  
"Well – it WAS in the papers. ASSASSINS DUKE IT OUT."

"Or rather," Iruka smirked. "KAKASHI'S ONE TIME BIG PUBLIC MISTAKE."

"It was a public relations disaster –"

"Yeah and you remember that photo –"

"Talk about caught in the act –"  
"But you couldn't see his face –"

"ANBU mask?"  
"Something like that…"

"Kakashi…"  
"You DO remember Hatake Kakashi – Team 7's sensei – Number One Icha Icha Addict?"

"You know, the Copy Nin?" Raido teased.

"OF COURSE!" huffed Shizune. "How could I f –"

There was a sudden deafening silence.

"How could you?" Genma's lips twisted sardonically. "Better ask – how could WE?"

"Genma –" Raido interjected. "Don't be so harsh –"  
"How can we not?" Iruka's brown eyes flashed. "We forgot!"

"I didn't really –"

Shizune bent her head.

"I didn't really know him well – he was just –"  
"A name, huh?" Genma's senbon tipped downward as he frowned. "That's all he was – huh? Another shinobi, who came through the office doors and was only known as a number?"

"Don't be so hard on her," Iruka protested, moving closer to the clearly upset woman. He placed his arm protectively around her still shoulders.

"Now I see –" she murmured, staring at her hands.

_

* * *

I understand. _

_Iruka._

_Now I see –_

_Those nights you sat alone in the dark – on the couch, thinking –_

_You blame yourself –_

_When it should be laid at all of our feet –_

_Genma – were you always so wise?_

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, the sun finished its slow journey at the bottom of the horizon – a fiery ship coming into a dusky harbor – as it sunk behind the purple hills. Iruka found Shizune washing her hands in the nearby river. 

"Sorry about that –" he said softly.

"It's okay," she said. "I'm an idiot, really."

"Hn. We all are – sometimes."

"Yeah…"

There was a silence – and Iruka pulled up against him, reveling in the feel of her warmth in his arms.

_

* * *

It's what we fight for – isn't it?_

_What do you fight for, Kakashi?_

* * *

"We're sure taking our time, though," the medic grumbled.

"Tomorrow, it's going to be hectic…"

"Hmph…"

A comfortable silence followed – the cool dark river chattered, swirling around the rocks and already the animals were silent with the occasional fireflies lighting up in the dusk.

Shizune settled back into Iruka's shoulder.

"We should go back," she murmured, making no effort to move.

Iruka settled his chin on top of her head.

"Mmmmm… Naw –"

"But –"

"Seriously – as Kakashi once told me – unless you're into group sex, it's not going to be your thing –" (1a)

"NO WAY!"

"Eh?"

"They're not – that is –"

Iruka shrugged, "What… having sex? Most likely – you saw Raido – Genma is probably calming him down as we speak… Ever since –"

_

* * *

The war._

* * *

It was a thing no one could voice.

"Front lines did it to them…" Shizune sighed. "How does Genma cope?"

Iruka's arms tightened around her and bending his neck, his lips found her neck in a silent kiss.

"The way Raido does. The way I do."

Shizune smiled into the dark.

"Men."

* * *

The next morning, Raido, true to Iruka's word, was more tolerable – although, much to Shizune's delight, both the scarred Jounin and his partner were half dead in the morning.

"They're always like this," Iruka snickered as they watched Genma sway off into the bush like a drunken man. "On the lines, we'd take bets on whether they would walk into the crap pit…"

"Scary…"

"Yeah…"

"But it means, they can relax and have normal lives…"  
"Relatively speaking," Iruka amended as Raido jumped at the sound of chittering squirrel and nearly killed it with a randomly flying kunai.

* * *

Genma found the river – and standing on the rock, looking down into the water, watched his face ripple there. If he looked hard enough – there were the faint spider lines around his eyes –_

* * *

Crow's feet._

_Raido's father had a lot of them… He was a worry wart though…_

* * *

Lifting the cool water up to his face, Genma shivered – it woke him up with its refreshing cold.

It reminded him –

_

* * *

That pale skin – the almost invisible scars –_

_The face of an angel –_

_Where is he now, I wonder?_

_Will this whole thing about Rock involve him as ANBU?_

_Most likely – who else would be proficient enough to deal with Rock? Rock is his natural enemy – the people who killed Obito – of course –_

_But I don't think it'll be like last time –_

_Last time –_

_We bonded. We found commonality. For a minute, he let us see him for what he truly was – we did a great thing that day – even Iruka-kun grew – but now –_

_Whatever talents he had has been lost to darkness again._

_What I saw on that river I wasn't meant to see – will I ever see that man candid again? _

_I remember –_

_He was our ANBU guard. And we didn't even know – maybe – _

* * *

Genma reared back in surprise._

* * *

Damn. Hot damn._

_Tsunade-sama. You didn't... _

* * *

"_Will we meet our ANBU?" _

"_No, Genma, I'm afraid not. It's really a case of not looking back."_

"_Damn… it'd be nice to know who's on our side."  
"You'll know."_

"_If you're sure, I'm sure…"_

_Genma looked up from the scroll held in his hand._

"_The others are waiting for me."_

"_Then you best go –"_

_There was a pause._

"_You hesitate."_

"_I saw Kakashi."  
Tsunade froze. "Oh?"_

"_On the river outside of town. Washing."  
"Geez… doesn't the man have a shower…"  
"Tsunade-sama… this – he – ANBU needs to let him go…"  
"I know, Genma – but I can only do so much. Stats won the day – but I'm doing the best I can to –"_

_The blonde Kage shook her head._

"_But it's hopeless…"_

"_Get him out."_

"_Genma. There are other forces at work here. The Rock problem is one of them… But still… be there for him when he needs it whether he wants it or not. Please?"_

_Genma blinked._

"_Of course…"_

"_I wasn't sure… They say you and he were close…"_

"_I wonder why."_

"_At any rate, you'll be in the position – that is – huuu…. Sometimes, Genma, life will seem like a wheel – with many wheels inside – and they turn and turn and you can't stop it – and there are those times when it's like you become aware – I've done this before – what can I do differently?"_

_She sighed, resting her cheek on her hand._

"_But you don't understand. This knowledge comes from experience."_

"_You mean old age."_

"_Stop being disrespectful, kid."  
"Hai, hai!'  
"Still… I mean…"_

"_I thought it was a question that plagues us all…"  
"We don't all get second chances. Let's not lose this one…"  
_

* * *

Scanning the forest wildly, Genma couldn't help but suppress a shudder – somewhere out there was their ANBU. What they were to protect with their bodies._

* * *

The carrier of hope. In the hand of the man who had no hope for himself.__

* * *

It's ironic, Genma thought as he stood, half a day later, gazing from the top of a tall tree across the forest and plains to the far sparkling dull jewel of the capital.__

* * *

You were right, Tsunade-sama._

_Life is a wheel with many wheels and you can't stop it – and there are times when you think – I've done this before – but what can I do differently?  
_

* * *

For a moment, he stood there, swaying with the breeze – remembering –_

* * *

A message of freedom and of making your own way._

* * *

"_I look up to you, Genma…. You make your own path."_

_In retrospect, today is an appropriate time to commemorate you, Hayate. This move wouldn't have happened unless you lived to be my encouragement._

_**Thank you, Hayate.**_

_With that last thought, Genma, creating several clones, sent some off as a diversion. Eventually, Genma's prey walked into the clearing. _

_Immediately, the shinobi was being targeted on all sides with senbon. With his signature wind, he once again deflected all of them – they fell to his feet in a wide circle around him._

_Gathering chakra to his feet, he jumped into the air. Sickling winds tore through the multitudes of clones who had aped his movements – their bodies absorbed the impact of the wind and their presence disguised Genma who flew above. _

_Knowing gravity would be taking over soon, Genma savoured the feel of flight._

**Hayate would've enjoyed this. **

_**Bird freak.**_

The Sound-nin below watching for Genma didn't even notice the twitch of senbon at his feet.

_Bad mistake. _

_Chakra strings yanked upwards hard. The enemy died three seconds later, bristling with senbon and a few well-placed kunai. _

_

* * *

Ah… that was the time I realized my own lesson –_

_When captured birds grow wiser, they try to open their cage with their beaks. _

_And I will never be caught again – even by the past –_

* * *

And then – without warning –

"Something's wrong," Raido whispered, tensing up immediately.

Genma jumped down, and signed tohis comrade.

"That's too fast," Shizune hissed to Iruka, as they followed Genma who started to disappear into the distance. "What's up?"

"He felt them."

"Them?"  
"What we are bait for."

Shizune shuddered and sped up.

_

* * *

We're rats. We're little prey. We're being followed by what we cannot see… and one of those eyes are friendly – but –_

_It's creepy._

* * *

"I remember the first time I did this with Tsunade-sama, Genma and Raido. I was jumping at the sound of the squirrels. It really scared me – the ANBU – like wood spirits – white faces and black unfathomable eyes – but now I know – behind the mask is a very vulnerable human – and those that hunt us – are easy kills as well…"

"Iruka…"

"How far?" asked Raido's fingers as he drew aside of Genma.

"One mile ahead, two behind, three miles on the left – and…" Genma's hand stopped as he focused on his surroundings. "Two and a half miles on the right."

Raido whistled.

Then –

"How many?"

Genma bit down on his senbon hard.

"Too many to pinpoint. Twenty, maybe…"

"What was that?" whispered Shizune who was trailing Raido.

Iruka's mouth hardened.

"It's serious."

"And still we're going into the city?"

"It's our only chance for the group to split up."

Shizune fell silent.

Suddenly on either side of them, the trees began to thin, without further notice, Genma veered to the left until a rough pebble road appeared. Carefully, they followed it in the brush until the intermittent hovels and huts began to upgrade to suburban shacks – and from there to the seedy edge of the business section.

Looking around her, Shizune's eyes widened at the sight of automobiles, bicycles, rickshaws and pedestrians battling for space on the road. People were screaming out the price of vegetables, clothes, jewelry –

It was a wave of sense – an overload.

"If your eyes expand any more – they're going to fall out," Genma laughed.

Raido snickered as Shizune shot her senbon-chewing leader a death glare.

"Don't act like such a big shot," she grumbled. "I'm the one who's done the most traveling in her –"

"Yeah – but we've been here before – to see that singer lady –"

"Anyways – we're not sticking out like sore thumbs," Genma smiled. "It's a great place to mask one's trail – if you know how…"  
"Ahh…" Shizune nodded as she plucked at her usual navy kimono. "I see now why you ordered no uniforms…"

Iruka smiled.

"We look like casual people out on a date, now. And I think you look lovely."

"Awwwww…." Chimed Raido in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Genma snorted.

"Nothing like love on a mission," he chuckled.

Raido nudged Genma and both suddenly darted off.

* * *

"I do think you're looking good," Iruka smiled.

Shizune smiled. "So do you. We DO look normal… except –" The black-haired medic huffed, "THEM."

She pointed at Raido and Genma as they drooled at pastries through a glass window.

"They look weird."

_

* * *

It had been too long –_

_Old memories always come back –_

_The old lady had mentioned – had muttered something about the turning of the wheel of life –_

_I guess that's what happens when you get old – life is lived in that blue – soft, nostalgic times –_

_Well, it's hard to get nostalgic about a memory that is far from golden –_

_No._

_Memory is blue._

_And Tsunade-sama – she knew this. I bet she's laughing it up considering the irony of this moment –_

_Her and Ibiki and kami knows who else._

* * *

Kakashi glowered as he watched the two couples find a table at a tiny café.

Raido and Shizune were ordering tea. He could hear Iruka's 'sensei' voice all the way up here – on the roof of the tiling company next door.

"No. GENMA! Idiot! No drinking on a mission –"

"You're drinking a stimulant!"  
"You know there's a difference between alcohol and caffeine!"

_

* * *

Idiots._

_What do you know?_

_Sitting there obliviously._

* * *

For a moment, Kakashi hated them – hated it – that charade of camaraderie –_

* * *

What else could it be – in the face of –_

_How can they sit there so happy on the edge of war?_

_Did they not know?_

* * *

The little blue table, the iron-wrought chairs and the pastel pink umbrellas brought back those memories.

* * *

"_You okay?"_

_Kakashi smiled._

"_Yeah."_

"_How did you know it was me?"_

"_Your lilac perfume."_

"_Why did I ask?"_

"_I don't know…. You tell me."_

_There was a moment of silence._

_Megami turned and found a paper cup and took a drink from the cooler. When she turned she smiled, but within her eyes was a question. Kakashi shook his head minutely. She shrugged. Then laughed._

"_Mind to mind communication?  
"It happens…"_

_Megami stared at the Jounin, who suddenly lost his relaxed pose. Kakashi immediately wanted to be back in his bed, safe and sound. He felt naked under that penetrating gaze._

_She turned away, trying to repress the rush of longing – his lean, trim body. His honest face._

"_It would have been different. He's gone now. This meeting between Fuyumo and I taught me – many new things…"_

_Kakashi looked down at the green tiled floor._

"_I'm glad. That'll mean there will be no more limo episodes."_

"_There was only one," Megami recalled with a chuckle. "And you never know – there are other reasons for a girl to attack you."_

_Kakashi sighed._

"_I miss my uniform, yes."_

"_Well, now that our threat is gone, your mission is complete. You'll return to your village once we reach the Fire Country. You'll be able to go back to your friends and family – go back to your mysterious anonymity."_

_Kakashi smiled at the thought of seeing Konoha again._

"_Well, there's no family waiting for me – but friends, yes. Although I'm with friends now – am I not?"_

_Megami smiled sadly. "Yes."_

_

* * *

But this isn't the time –_

* * *

Sitting here with the pigeons – watching the idiot people – these who walk under the sun thinking about nothing but families, friends and work – the city people –_

* * *

They don't even know who lurks outside the door – what monsters hide in the shadows –_

_We who watch from the other side of the line – and such a fragile, thin line – and he had once been there – and now – now –_

_-I can't get up from this wet crimson bed- (2)_

* * *

With a curse –_

* * *

DAMN IT!_

_Damn it all to hell_

* * *

Kakashi turned away.

"They're giving me the chance – I might as well take it – there's nothing here for me – just –"

_

* * *

Just a memory._

_Long ago it must be_

_I have a photograph_

_Present your memories_

_They're all that's left you." (3)_

* * *

And the memory of dark hair and blue eyes melted into something else entirely. Something equally close – _how could she get so close_?_

* * *

He could hear her – her soft breath – through the haze, her anxious chakra flared at him. She was worried._

_Why are you worried for me? I don't deserve it._

_But he couldn't move from her – his limbs seemed to drag down, down to the center of the earth – all he could do was lay there and listen to the sounds of her unrolling the bandages and unpacking her med kit._

_As if carved into stone, his memory played each touch again and again – in the perfection of the moment – her warm fingers on his cold skin as she pulled his vest off gently and cut off his skin tight black tank. _

_He couldn't move now – it was so comforting – to feel her warm chakra pressing gently into his now exposed ribs and arms. And her voice surrounded him –_

_Mother._

_Lulla, lullay…_

_**Falling snow of purple, blue and red –**_

_**Petals wafted by the wind**_

_**I felt them softly soothe my face**_

_**Ah! **_

_**How the weak and gentle in life**_

_**Give more comfort than material things.**_

_Mmmmm…._

_Her hands had warmed him – comforted him – like Mother – like Megami –_

_But they were gone._

_Over the river. The Sanzu river. The ocean. (4)_

_And he was, stuck, as usual to watch them leave – standing there on the shore all alone._

_Don't leave._

_He wanted to say it – but he couldn't move. It was a nightmare. Part of him wanted her to stay – that traitorous part of him that wanted that warmth – but he said nothing._

_By force of will alone, he said nothing._

_It is better for her, this way. This way, she can never know that darkness – it will not consume her. She should never know –_

– _that disillusionment is the work of time._

_And time is the inevitable turning of the wheel of life._

* * *

Kakashi turned away and raced through the back alleys to the edge of the city. As he passed the large dojos and family complexes, as he disappeared into the green jungle, Kakashi didn't look back.

There was nothing there for him.

* * *

-OoooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooO-

"For one moment, we thought we lost them, sir… but they're still there all right – hiding out amongst the civilians… what are you orders?"

"Let them find a place for tonight, then attack them when they've let down their guard. It will be a surprise attack. A parting gift for those fools who live ina false peace."

"Hai!"

-OoooooOOOOOOOOOooooooooO-

* * *

"They're just waiting – watching –" Shizune shuddered. "It reminds me of THOSE times."

Iruka sighed.

"Well – if it does come to war – our mission here will diminish any of their potential armies –"

"Which is useless if WE don't get home –" Genma corrected. "I'd like to think Konoha can't afford to lose us…"

The four were seated around a square table in a nice, dimly lit restaurant which offered Asian and Western dishes. Blue walls, green plants and purple highlights lent to the soothing atmosphere, relaxing the guests and giving an intimate air to everything.

Raido leaned back in the velvet padded chair – unused to the more Western style of eating. The tinny background music jarred on him – and as he turned to look around him – at the chattering clientele in fancy-schmanzy clothing, Raido wondered.

Genma and Shizune's bickering faded.

-Hmph… just pat yourself harder on the back and knock yourself out-

-Wha-what's that supposed to me – come on, admit it, you'd miss me!-

-Yeah, right-

Raido wondered.

_

* * *

What would it be like to live here – in this world – it is a different world… to live in innocence. What are they? Naïve? Idiots?_

_But then, I guess to ANBU, we are no different._

_We are just like these – idiot people who never see – never know that other world._

* * *

Looking down at the thin porcelain plate, his rice and chicken (curry style) was laid out on, Raido could hear the waitress' cheery 'Here you go' as she set a pot of green tea down and smiled at her quiet customers.

"Can I get you anything else for today?" she asked.

Genma leaned forward, his lips crooked up into a teasing smile.

"Well, honey," he replied in Raido's favorite husky bedroom voice. "If it involves you, sure."

The waitress giggled.

Raido jolted suddenly out of his blue funk to glare at his partner – following it up with a vicious squeeze to Genma's groin.

"You don't want to go there, miss," Raido said seriously. "It's not like he'd know what to do anyways," The scarred ninja smiled. "He's gotten rusty in the ways of women – quite a boor, in fact."

"RAIIIDOOO!" wailed Genma.

"Is something wrong, sir?" asked the waitress as honey-haired shinobi hunched over.

"Nothing, nothing…" he mumbled – and then, winked at her.

Her face went red.

Genma watched her mini-skirt clad butt sway away; Raido fumed.

"It's just like when he was out with Hana-chan," Iruka sighed.

"HANA?" Shizune blinked. "I thought you –"

"It's Genma – nobody's safe from him…"

"You make that sound like a bad thing, Iruka!" Genma frowned. "Tch. And me – such a gentleman…"

"Here we go again," Shizune rolled her eyes.

"As I always say – what comes, comes – you can't be choosy…"  
Raido's face went red.

"Um – Genma – you might want to stop while you're ahead," Shizune smiled. "But still, I never guessed Genma to be bisexual."

"Bi? I'm bi?"

There was a thoughtful silence.

Plates, glasses and utensils clanked. The small crowds murmured. A wailing ambulance passed by.

"He's just figuring this out?" Shizune shook her head.

Iruka snickered.

"Trust me – you're bi."

Genma cocked an eyebrow at Raido, who shrugged.

"You're weird enough…"

"But – but – Hana –" Shizune sputtered. "I never – how did I miss this?"

"Before your time, I think…" Genma grinned.

"Uhhh…. Didn't you break up with her after that one mission?" asked Iruka.

Raido nodded thoughtfully, his face suddenly seriously at the memory.

"I remember that…"

_

* * *

Genma darting forward, his flying senbon, deflecting the first oncoming kunai. Raido followed it up with several smoke bombs and kicked the red-haired kunoichi hard in the stomach. She disappeared and several webs shot out of the purple to trap his arm to the trunk of a tree._

_**Where the fuck is Genma?**_

"_Genma!"_

"_Shut up, idiot," Genma hissed appearing out of nowhere to slash at Raido's bond. "I think I disabled one…"_

"_You think?"_

"_Well, three bombs are a little –"_

_Genma's back arched in pain as two kunai flew out of nowhere to imbed themselves in his back._

"_GENMA!"_

_Raido grabbed his partner, pulled out the kunai and threw two bombs in the general direction of the chakra flare._

_**Shit. My sense aren't as good as his…**_

_**Damn.**_

"_I'm fine… Let's get these bastards…"_

_Those had been several hard minutes – just blood, sweat, guts and pain. So much pain._

_And as I fell, I could feel him – see him turning to me – his guard down one fraction of second – too long –_

_And his hand reaching out to me –_

_**Genma –**_

_**Genma –**_

_**No. Run. I'm not worth this –**_

_

* * *

What a child for a father to have! It's the bad luck of the Namashi clan to get you, isn't it, Raido?_

_Why the hell did you live?_

_You'll never amount to anything, Raido, if you keep up that way._

_If only your brother was here….._

_Forget it. I wouldn't trust you with my dog!_

_Fine. Leave. And don't ever think you can come back!_

* * *

"_You're Raido – right?"_

_Raido nodded shyly, his glum face brightening ever so little._

"_Genma. I'm Genma. Want to play kick ball?"_

* * *

"_See…. Raido….. If you think you're cursed, you're going to live your life cursed but if you truly want to be free – you've got to live life as if there was nothing to hold you back._

* * *

"_What doesn't kill makes you grow stronger. If you see these things in your life as tests – ask yourself what you have learned and learn them. There's a reason, I'm sure."_

* * *

"_Where do I go now?"_

_Genma smiled._

"_Thought you would never ask," the orally fixated Jounin said, linking arms with his teenage friend. "My place, of course."_

_I want the best for you, Genma –_

_I love you._

_

* * *

And the first voice, he had heard when he woke up at the hospital, had been HIS voice – His Genma's voice – as it should have been._

"_Raido?"_

_Raido._

"Raido?"

"Eh?" Raido snapped to attention to notice Genma's stare.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Just walking down memory lane… Back then, Shizune-san, Genma was dating Hana-chan. Around the time of that awful Chuunin exam. I got hurt, and Genma asked me back into his team because after the Kage died, well, I had nowhere to go really – and then, Tsunade came – and she assigned you to our team. And you remember that one mission that we nearly died on?"

"Yeahh…" Shizune nodded. "I remember. That was bad. Genma basically died there – at least – his heart stopped for a moment…"

Raido stared down at his hand clenched on the table.

"I had known before – but only then –"

"Well… the whole thing with Raido nearly dying woke me up to the fact that I cared a lot about him. That he was important to me," Genma interrupted.

"Hey!"

"This IS my story," sniffed Genma. "Anyway, I didn't feel it was fair to Hana – she deserves a whole heart."

"So do I," Raido interjected.

"So I broke up with her, right afterwards."

"How did I miss this?" Shizune blinked. "Why didn't I ever hear this?"

"It's nothing… There was nothing between Hana and me… just good sex…"

"Bastard," huffed Raido.

"Geez…" Genma said, catching sight of Shizune's frown. "It's only a minor breakup… nothing big. And it's so old… Although the other day, I noticed that she's filled out in all the right places and gave me the idea that –"

"GENMA!" barked Raido. "You didn't!"

Ignoring the bickering couple, Iruka turned to his beloved.

"Something wrong?" asked Iruka, softly, rubbing Shizune's hand tenderly underneath the table.

"No. Nothing," the black-haired medic said softly – but her eyes were sad.

* * *

While the couples settled down for the night –

Kakashi was one with the darkness as he ran the last miles to the Hidden Village of Cloud.

While the couples suddenly tensed in their beds as those ever present chakra flares moved in closer –

Kakashi was beginning to approach the Village.

While the couples found themselves under attack –

Genma was yelling to Iruka to get the hell out of the city –

Raido threw a smoke bomb and covered their tracks –

Shizune jerked on her sandals and jumped onto the roof –

As the four Konoha ninja cut themselves past the ring of their pursuers and fled to the free space of the country –

Kakashi entered a chaotic Village.

An attack had been mounted against Cloud – the Kage was in danger.

_**

* * *

1 – The lyrics are taken from "Bookends" by Simon and Garfunkel**_

_**1a – Reference to Revelation of the Wolf.**_

_**2 – Lyrics taken from "Furious Angel" by Rob Dougan**_

_**3 – Same as reference 1 (Simon and Garfunkel)**_

_**4 – Sanzu river is similar to the 'Styx' – the river of death that the soul crosses, in the case of Kakashi's mother, it refers to her death. The ocean, refers to Megami, another form of death, not physical, but relational.**_

_

* * *

Good Nan-chan: AHHHH! A CLIFFIE! HORRIBLE!_

_Evil Nan-chan: BWAHAHAHA! MY EVIL PLAN HAS WORKED!_

_Nan-chan: (sigh) Guys… it's no big deal…_

_Evil Nan-chan: YES IT IS! In this way, people will die of frustration, excitement…_

_Nan-chan: (sweat drops) I'm sure they'll survive…_

_Good Nan-chan: (dying) NOOOOOO! Update soooonnnn!_

_Nan-chan: (pulls over pad to write another Samurai Champloo fic) Whatever._

_**

* * *

Chapter 19 – Feel the Light Fade**_

_It takes all of Kakashi to save the day – for Cloud, for Konoha – for Genma. _

_I've got seconds to live and you can't go now. And if you go, furious angels will be bring you back to me. Will bring you back to me._


	19. Feel the Light Fade

I'VE HIT (and gone past) THE 200 POINT! (200+ reviews!)

THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO TOOK THE TIME TO REVIEW!

* * *

**Subakun-sensei: Well! I'm glad you're excited. And yeah, Revelation of the Wolf does have a lot of impact on this story… as it was meant to be! And Kakashi as ANBU is always tragic… sigh… so beautiful! Well, hopefully, this upcoming chapter will be self-explanatory! My writing style does get confusing sometimes… I have to work hard on finding the balance between mystery and confusion!**

**Hana megami: Well… that was a nice review for what I feel was a very boring chapter (hardly any Kakashi at all…) but then, without it, the rest of the story wouldn't make much sense… so it had to be there, I guess – and yeah, Raido has issues – and then there's the whole question of 'those who look in'. Kakashi feels left out – but also in a way - with tragically, martyr-like pride, glad he doesn't live in 'ignorance' as he puts it. But are the four Jounin really ignorant? I think Kakashi's being a diva here – no… that's not what I mean to say – I mean, I think he's being all 'poor-little-me' – self-pity to the point that he accuses ALL people of being ignorant, when I think that Genma and his gang had just as much suffering… ah well… will it resolve itself? Hmmm… (edited note: ah… I remember the words – Kakashi is being a bit of a drama queen there. )**

**Lady Distain: WOW! A NEW REVIEWER! I'm glad you enjoyed this fic! Considering this one of the greats really makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside! Hahaha! As for KakaSaku action…. (checks plotline)… sadly, you'll have to wait a little! But it's coming… and man, I will have a lot to live up to! I'm glad you think my characters are 3-D and that Sakura isn't so annoying! She's different – and I'm glad you back me up on her new stylin' character! Hahaa! Gone is the cry baby – I think… hmmm… the band you were talking about seems interesting – I'll check it out – it seems though that the link you sent me is rather wonky (fanfiction isn't the friend of linking) so maybe you'll email it to me? Perhaps?**

**Kittycatcharm: yes… Saiyuki is funny, perverted, violent and just full of eye candy for girls… sigh… and the voices are hot. Hakkai is my favorite… and Kakashi's voice is equally hot. Yes. Hmmm… double dating… yes… but all peaceful times must come to an end.**

**Melissa Norvell: Hmmm… yeah… Genma is one of my favorite characters in the show so I gave him a special place in this fic. And sadly… this chapter ends with another cliffie… why? Why? Why?**

**Inquisitive: You seem to like my OCs… interesting… I'm glad you liked Megami's transition… I didn't want a Mary Sue, I didn't want to self-insert (or seem like it), so I kinda went extreme… Yeah… this chapter is basically one of those: 'here is what Kakashi is missing out on' chapters… and what is upcoming? Read on! And where's Yukio? Yes… hahaha… that's all I'm going to say.**

**Crystal Dry Blue Ice: Kakashi's going to be back! You wait and see… (rubs hand) and will the decoy team be okay? Read on! But mainly this chapter is about Kakashi – which I hope you don't mind!**

**Snowfall: Yes! I'm right behind you! Screw Naruto! Have a Kakashi anime! Or even a Kakashi movie… that would be COOL! Why not? But it wouldn't come to the big screen in Canada. Sadly… could you imagine seeing Kakashi's face on the big screen? Who would be the best live-action Kakashi actor, do you think – if they ever did a live action of Naruto?**

**Sabireru: More Kakashi-feelings upcoming! Hope you enjoy! Nice to hear from you!**

**DarkFlameAngel: yes, Yondaime rolling in the leaves is SMEXY! And hopefully, this will give you a nice Kakashi fix as well! And whatever your muse suggests, I'm sure it will be awesome! Looking forward to it!**

**ForbiddenLove08: Thanks for taking the time to review! It's okay if you forget – I'll keep on writing anyways! I have to! I'm obsessed! Heeeheee! I hope you enjoy this!**

**Sweet Assassin: and the nostalgia is OVER! Yay! Action chapter upcoming! Hope you like it!**

**Krows Scared: Yes! Someone isn't confused! Good to know! I'm glad you're channeling my plot bunnies! I think you'll enjoy this upcoming chapter – it's a radical shift!**

**OtakuAnime131: Kakashi is screwed up because he lost his vision. He's got this flaw – hanging onto his past and forgetting the future. Yukio isn't helping – and his team is oblivious and Konoha doesn't seem to care. That sums up what has been covered so far – there are other issues – which will be brought up in time!**

**Newtype Omega: Kakashi's transition is going to be very much implied – with a few flashbacks upcoming… hope that will help you understand the evil transition better! For now, we've got to deal with Kakashi and then – and then – well… I can't tell you but all your questions pertaining to 'where is Team 7?', 'where is Yukio?'… all those will be answered in time… I hope… soon… when I get ravaged by my muses again! Hahaha! As for KakaSaku action… yeah…**

**Dream Sundancer: I'd like to tell you that this chapter will resolve everything – but… alas… cliffies cliffies… they abound. Well… it's cool that you write! I'll look out for your stuff… maybe you'll do a little Genma for me? Genma is cute – whoever he's with! I need a poster of Genma on MY wall…**

**IluvJesus123: I hope some of the confusion will abate! Until then, here's a really straightforward chapter! Hahaha!**

* * *

THE QUESTION THAT DRIVES US: 

Where is Yukio?

Yukio: (dragging his IV down the hall) Where did that sexy lover of mine go? Dammit!

Sakura: (clueless as she continues to water dead planets) Eh?

**READ AND REVIEW! It's nice to hear from new and old people!**

* * *

**I noticed that as I formatted this thing for you guys that it was a little confusing when Kakashi's scenes started/ended and when Team Genma's scenes started/ended... so I put 'O's to show the difference... hope it works...**

**Song: "Furious Angels" by Rob Dougan**

* * *

I do not own Naruto… much less Kakashi… (sigh)… but I do own Yukio!

* * *

Feel the Life Fade

_**Like a sentence of Death  
I've got no options left  
I've got nothing to show now  
**_

_

* * *

It's an uproar. _

* * *

Kakashi didn't know where to look first – at the blazing houses turning into ash in the black night sky – the running, screaming civilians and children as they dashed down the streets unsure of where to go – at the ninjas battling overhead. 

Stone, water, lightning, winds and fire rained down on them – the leftover repercussions of various jutsus.

"Mama! Mammmaaaaa!" A little girl, wandering down the main street was tripping over the holes in the road – Kakashi was suddenly back –

_**

* * *

I'm down on the ground, I've got seconds to live  
And you can't go now **_

* * *

Back to –

* * *

"_Mama! Mammaa? Mama? MAMA! What's wrong?"_

"_Kashi-kun…"_

_She tried to smile as she hoisted herself rather painfully to her feet – without another word, she found the bed and fell back onto the green quilt with a heavy groan._

_Her hand was clutched tightly over her swollen belly._

"_Mother!"_

"_Kashi-kun, get… a… medic nin. Now!"_

"_What about Papa?"_

"_It doesn't matter. Just get a medic nin and call in for Aunti Eppi, okay?"_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Nothing – nothing – just – do as Mama told you. It's – it's a mission."_

* * *

He had left and never seen her again. _

* * *

Mama. _

* * *

The ground shook violently; the front of a two-story apartment building – already old and unstable – started to fall forward. 

With the shake of his head, he cleared his mind –

_

* * *

Mama. _

* * *

And jumping up and outward, landed heavily on the ground – with enough time to grab the four-year-old out of harms way. 

"Kira! KIRA!" A voice was screaming. "My baby! She's gone!"

The little girl looked up – and through the flames – the dark and the dust – up at the white face of –

"WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! MAMMA! MAAAMMMAAAA!"

"KIRA! KIRA! Where are you, baby?"

Kakashi jumped up onto the now smoldering rock and ran lightly through the smoke to find a bunch of women standing there, frightened and unsure.

_

* * *

A bunch of sheep. _

_Ready for the slaughter._

* * *

"K-k-kira?" one women, her rough clothes singed and burnt in several places. 

She stepped forward nervously.

Without another word, Kakashi leaned forward and passed the child over. The woman was too frightened to smile, much less bow. But her eyes said enough.

_

* * *

Thank you. __

* * *

I don't deserve it woman. It's my job. I would have done it for my mother. _

* * *

There was a silence – broken by crashes, the 'phooom!' of something big catching fire and the rumbles of earth. 

Kakashi was unsure.

_

* * *

How the hell in all this mess do I find the Kage? I can't just flash my ID around… and these women wouldn't know… fuck…. _

* * *

"BEHIND YOU!" screamed the woman. 

Without even looking, Kakashi whipped his katana out while rolling to his left, charging it with chakra, he turned and neatly – smoothly, sliced it through the body of a Rock nin.

_

* * *

Damn them. Damn them all to hell. _

_I guess… Tsunade-sama, you were right…_

* * *

"Go!" he barked the ladies – and turned away into the night. 

He had work to do.

_**

* * *

And if you go - **_

* * *

Running up the side of a building, he found high ground and looking down – found a group of rock nins, trying to find their way unnoticed through an alley. Silently, he dropped down among them and with the use of his kunai and katana, killed the team of four. 

Kunai in one throat.

Another pinned the man's hand to plank of wood, while his katana beheaded him.

The third fell to a stab wound.

Right arm lost, the fourth died of a broken neck.

Kakashi returned to the roof.

He could hear Tsunade's voice in his head.

* * *

"_This mission is very open ended. We don't know what to expect. But – if Lightning is on our side, find the Kage and get him to sign the treaty… if Lightning isn't on our side, kill to get out of there. We don't want you dead, shinobi."_

"_Hai, Hokage-sama."_

"_If there are Rock attacking you – or any other shinobi – if they try to stop you – you are free to kill – no holds barred. Got it?"_

"_Hai, Hokage-sama."_

_There had been a pause._

_She hadn't known what to say – after all those years. Tch._

_Nothing but –_

"_Kakashi. Be safe. If anything happened – you'd – be… missed."_

_I didn't respond – what do you say? What can you say when you wear this? This _

– _this mask – when you are this – this monster?_

_Would I truly be missed – like this?_

_**

* * *

And if you go - **_

* * *

Kakashi stood there – on the ridge of the roof – overlooking the village of Cloud, sheltered on three sides by the protective shield of the mountains. _

* * *

Protective – but also a prison. _

* * *

Like Konoha, a wall (its ends meeting in the mountains) ringed the village and its fields. Only one large gate opened in its middle to the main road, which ran down the center of the village, branching out in tinier streets and footpaths to access the fields and urban areas. _

* * *

It's like Konoha. _

_A lot._

_Except, Konoha doesn't have a huge waterfall coming out of the escarpment. These mountains must be nice for providing cool water – but then – there's always the risk of avalanches –_

* * *

Another rumble shook the ground and he could see the side of one such mountain crashing down into northwest end of town. 

He winced – it had hit several sections of the city.

Kakashi could see the clear definitions of the important families and dojos, who were spread out on the outer limits of the downtown – their backs to the larger fields that they owned.

And beyond the high class end, the shops, the apartments – the business section of town, where everybody met. And then – beyond that –

The innermost section – right up against the mountain – like Konoha, it was the sector where the most important offices lay – and it was there that the most activity lay.

Among the fields, Cloud nin repelled any new oncoming nin – he could see that the fields were already damaged by the tunneling jutsus and several humps of ground – earth prison jutsus…

Kakashi ignored those.

He focused instead on the first ring of houses – the dojo and family complexes. It was there that he could see the second wave of Rock nins were being fiercely (and competently) repelled. As he drew nearer he saw that beyond – beyond the business section – lay a line of Cloud nin repelling what had been the first wave of Rock.

Even standing there, Kakashi could feel the strong force of chakra – the killing intent of the men and women protecting what was precious to them –

_

* * *

The girl walking down the street. _

_Mama. Papa. Brother. Sister. Home. _

_

* * *

I will not lose. __

* * *

Kakashi. _

_What makes a shinobi is not his jutsu – but love, loyalty, courage and hard work. _

* * *

The cries of several shinobi rose as a large earth dragon rose up the middle of the main street. Kakashi sprang into action, running and jumping across the roofs until he came up to the side of the Rock Nins. 

His katana's hilt felt firm in his grip – it wasn't his tool – it was his arm – another part of him – and his chakra ran down it like fire.

"What the hell?"

"Did you see that?"

"Who the fuck is that?"

"I don't know but where's the Rock nin?"

"Stop that damn dragon!"

"The women and the children! Get them out of here, dammit!"

Out of the dust and smoke, Kakashi came prowling – no –

To the shinobi, he seemed more animal than man as he jumped across the final space to take on several more Rock Nin –

In the black night, the white chakra didn't even seem human –

A ghost.

"It's a spirit!"

"The chakra is pouring out of his hair!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's ANBU!"

"Who cares?" yelled another Cloud Nin. "Let's get the hell out of here! It's a chance for us to save the kids! MOVE IT!"

Kakashi ignored them.

_

* * *

Let them run. _

_Let them hide._

_I'm going nowhere._

* * *

Sliding his sword onto his back, his fingers moved in the most familiar jutsu he knew. _

* * *

Suiton. Suiryuudan no Jutsu. _

* * *

Roaring out of the broad river which snaked through the town, the water dragon crashed down on earth dragon, reducing it to sludge as it spent itself – the street suddenly flooded – carrying people, furniture, corpses down to the gates. 

Not even looking back, Kakashi continued onward.

_

* * *

Where's the kage? _**_

* * *

You're a dirty needle  
You're in my blood and there's no curin' me  
And I want to run, like the blood from a wound  
To place you can't see me _**

* * *

"Run?" 

"Run. Just keep running. We gotta draw them away."

"But –"

"Do as I say, Shizune. I have a feeling that – that our partner will be a little longer…"

"How do you know?"

"Well… even if he left us this afternoon –"

"You felt him?"

"Well…"

"And – he left?"

"Around lunch time – just after one. And he won't be able to get there – even going full speed until midnight-ish."

"I see."

"Don't worry, Iruka. They attacked us at two in the morning. So maybe by now our silent partner has finished his business."

"IF he's okay."

The four shinobi were hiding out in a small cave overlooking a heavily wooded valley. After arming themselves in silence, they had sat back to stare out into the dark. Cold and aching, the four wondered.

_

* * *

Is our mate alive? _

_Did the mission work out?_

_Will we get home?_

* * *

"What time is it now?" asked Raido into the dark, after a few moments. 

"Hmmm… well…"

Genma pulled out a round stop watch and flicked on his lighter.

"Around four…"

"We've been running for two hours already! They'll stop looking for us if we don't fight back. Aren't we being obvious?" muttered Shizune.

"Hn… they're there. No fear."

"How do you know?" hissed Iruka tensely, as he tried to reach out with his rather panicked senses.

"Sit still and feel them – you'll see."

There was a silence.

"Let's go," hissed Genma. "They're coming. Get yourselves ready."

"Now?" whispered Shizune, in shock.

"You wanted to fight. You got it."

"Damn…" mumbled Raido. "I wanted a light."

He was surprised to find that as he pulled out his bombs and kunai, his hands were steady.

_

* * *

I won't let you down, Genma. Not again. _

* * *

Genma disappeared. They jumped out with him into the night.

* * *

**OOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOO**

* * *

"PREPARE TO DIE, CLOUD NIN!" shrieked a Rock Nin. 

Kakashi rolled his eyes behind his mask.

Despite the man's brown armor and uniform blending into the night, the man was a beacon of light with his raging blue chakra. Molding it with the earth, the enemy shinobi attempted to create the beginning wall of the popular Earth Prison technique.

_

* * *

What do I fucking look like? A Genin? _

* * *

Kakashi darted forward – faster than the eye could track, pulling his sword out gracefully, charging chakra along its hard length – and cut through the earth like butter. 

"Impossible."

He twisted and turned to cut off the man's arms. Blood flecked over his now dirty uniform.

"First. I'm not Cloud."

He smiled grimly behind his mask.

"Secondly. I'd never shame myself by losing to you."

The nin, falling forward headless, never heard the last.

Kakashi continued onward, slashing randomly at Rock Nins who were now heading his way in mad retreat.

_

* * *

Where the hell is – _

* * *

Kakashi stopped – frozen. 

Before him pillars of fire rose upwards – no normal Rock NIn technique. Already the Sharingan was analyzing it. The wild chakra seemed – felt – all too familiar.

_

* * *

Damn. _

_It's a –_

_**

* * *

You're a cold piece of steel between my ribs  
And there's no saving me **_

* * *

"Twenty-five to four… I've seen worse odds," Genma muttered to Raido, as they stood back to back glaring at the dark shadows that shifted around them. 

"Seems like they're underestimating us…"

"Unless they're good…"

"Unless they've got a trump card – somebody really strong…"

"As long as there's no Jinkuurichi, we're fine."

Looking around him – and then for a moment – upwards, as he looked down and charged forward, pulling out his kunai – Genma sighed.

_

* * *

On nights like these, we should be at the pub – or outside, on a rooftop to enjoy the stars, the moon – and Raido would be smoking, and I'd… _

* * *

Underneath his feet, small blue flowers glowed in the moonlight, as the pale grey face slid out of the large clouds crossing the sky. As his senbons found purchase in the throat of an oncoming nin – 

As blood fell down on the leaves –

As the Shizune and Iruka came falling out of the sighing boughs –

The clouds slid in front of the moon and things went dark again –

Clanks, whups, shhinnngs, thuds sounded as Team Genma fought for their lives in the dark night. Hints of metal flashed – sparks flew – and when one of Raido's bombs blew – the early morning lit up as if the sun were rising momentarily.

Iruka took the opportunity to head for the river. Shizune followed. Genma and Raido carefully retreated after them.

Out of the grass rose a black shadow.

And Genma still mused…

_

* * *

Raido would be smoking, and I'd – I'd be sliding my arms around him. _

* * *

The black shadow rose and spread wings in the night – _

* * *

Our fingers would be twined – _

_To still his shaking hands…_

* * *

**OOOOoooooOOOOOO**

* * *

It was a nightmare out of his dreams. No. Well… not that his dreams were ever good – sometimes – some nights – 

When he lay alone in bed, he'd find himself walking his house – running in –

* * *

"_I completed another mission, Father! And –"_

_Father?_

_Father!_

* * *

The blood creeps across the floors and runs up his legs to his hands. 

_Because it's your fault, _a part of him whispers_. If you had been better – if you had listened to your mother. If you had picked up your toys – if you hadn't made her run around so much – if you had LISTENED. If you had been a better ninja to get medical help faster –_

_If –_

_If –_

* * *

But this – this thing before him was a different type of nightmare – it reminded him of that time when the three of Team 7 had brought Sasuke back – _

* * *

The chakra. _

_The Seal._

_That awful curse seal._

_They were all dead. Didn't Tsunade say that all were accounted for? What's another one doing here? DAMMIT IT ALL!_

* * *

Even as he stared at the familiar markings which were transforming what had been human into something else – a monster – _

* * *

But then – isn't there one in all of us? _

* * *

Kakashi's analytical mind was already running through the options. _

* * *

The Kage should be able to take care of this – but… he looks tired – and seems to be wounded already. _

_He needs help. And if I step in, it would show the goodwill of Leaf –_

_But it's too late for me – I can't reach it in time – even with the Raikiri…_

* * *

But already he knew…. _

* * *

Obito-kun. _

_I owe you._

* * *

He was glad suddenly for those two years of loneliness when his Team had been split up by the Sannin. _

* * *

Not only did I learn to use Lightning's Howl – _

_But –_

* * *

As the beast – a heavily fanged, horned, wild-haired orange creature with enormous arms and huge blades appearing out of his arms – 

As the monster and the Kage stood there, measuring each other up –

_

* * *

Were they talking? _

* * *

Kakashi molded his chakra together as fast as he could. _

* * *

Just. A. Few More Seconds…. _

* * *

Then suddenly – it felt as if the whole world was encapsulated in his eye – the chakra ripped through – it was almost painful – _

* * *

It's been a while… I've forgotten – _

_It was almost like a black hole, sucking the life out of me… holy shit…_

_Still –_

* * *

Mangekyo Sharingan! 

The three little black dots fused into Kakashi's unique Sharingan –

A black hole appeared behind the curse seal monster – it widened –

Kakashi, gasping, forced even more chakra into his eye and smiled grimly as the black hole widened – further –

It was so hungry.

_

* * *

There's a monster in all of us – right? _

* * *

The enemy nin – that mutant never saw it coming – nobody was expecting it – 

And before he could even move, his body – his arms, legs, torso, then head disappeared with an ominous pop and the black hole decreased.

All of the Rock Nin suddenly were trying to get out of the way as the Kage of Cloud finished his jutu – and rained lightning down on them.

Kakashi's eye didn't fail to pick the jutsu up. But already, he was wishing for his headband –his eye – no – not his eye, his body felt tired and he knew he had lost A LOT of his chakra with his last maneuver.

"Who was that?" called the Kage.

Kakashi stepped into the light of the flames, ignoring the Cloud nins who gasped at the sight of his uniform, mask and tattoo.

"Leave us," the Kage commanded. "I need all Rock obliterated, taken captive, driven out of the village now!"

"HAI!"

The Cloud nins jumped away, looking nervously back as Kakashi knelt and handed over the all important scroll.

"We fight for this," the Kage said solemnly, as he read its contents. "Don't we? We fight for this peace. What does it bring us?"

Kakashi did not reply.

The older man smiled.

"Well… let's adjourn to what is left of my study and see what I can dig out of the rubble."

* * *

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOO**

* * *

Time slows down – 

It's amazing what the senses do – when the mind is clear in the face of disaster – when there is no option left –

_**

* * *

I've got no options left – **_

* * *

Time slows down – and the annoying crickets, the scrunch on the grass, the shhhh of the wind in the trees, the sounds of war, the babbling brook – it all fades away – 

And all you hear is your harsh breath – and your heart beat –

_

* * *

You HAVE to make it in time – _

* * *

Shizune was defenceless against the man – _

* * *

Who the FUCK is he? _

* * *

"RUN! SHIZUNE! GET MOVING!" yelled Genma as he apparated in front of her – just in time to take the paralyzing jutsu in the gut – 

As he fell – as if far away, he could hear her scream –

"GENNNMMAAA!"

_

* * *

Idiot. Run. _

* * *

The moon slid out of the clouds – and lit up the face leaning over him – 

The face of a nightmare –

_

* * *

The five young ones standing there facing him off with Raido at his back – I'm so glad you're here, Raido. We can do this. _

_And then, across their pale features – the weird spider dude, the fatty, the foul mouthed girl and the two-headed albino – crawled black markings –_

_And on this monster –_

_This is what it is – a monster out of a child's nightmare…_

_I thought – I thought –_

_Wasn't it over?_

_Raido –_

* * *

Genma lost all ability to move – as he was raised by a harsh grip around his neck – he hung there in the overgrown monsters grip – unable to lift even a finger – 

Raido – somewhere Raido was yelling –

_

* * *

Idiot. Run. _

* * *

Watching his lover hanging unresponsive from the shadowed enemy nin, Raido went berserk, killing off his two opponents without even thinking about it – 

He ran towards the monster.

_

* * *

They would never get him again – _

_I've nearly lost Genma before –_

_Never again –_

_Genma!_

_**

* * *

If you go – **__

* * *

If you go where I can't follow – I'd rather die. __**

* * *

And I can't get up  
From this wet crimson bed that you made for me  
That you made for me **_

* * *

"Done," The Kage sat back and sighed. 

Kakashi pulled out a small watch and check it.

Twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes – important ones – but lost one – useless ones –

Somewhere out there – in the black night, he was sure his decoy team were out there being hunted by a whole lot of ruthless Rock Nin.

_

* * *

And I – _

_I don't want those happy faces to die._

_For what else do I fight – but those dreamers?_

* * *

"I'll be keeping this copy then, and you'll take this back…" The Kage was babbling the background. "Lightning Country, the Hidden Village of Cloud have always wanted good relations with Konoha –" _

* * *

Tch. _

_I of all people should know the fragility of scrolls like these – the words written mean nothing in the face of survival… when push comes to shove –_

* * *

Kakashi said nothing. 

"Would you like to rest here for the night? Take some tea?"

Kakashi shook his head and bowed politely.

"I have other things to care for – and this must be brought back to the Hokage immediately… and a report made of this attack…"

The older man nodded.

"Good luck on the road then, and thank you for your aid. It was – is highly appreciated."

"You're welcome," Kakashi intoned formally. "It was – my pleasure."

He turned away and leapt over the rooftops until he reached the edge of the

Village. Turning, he could see that already rescue efforts were started – people, corpses and furniture were being gathered – the effects of war – it seemed so –

Familiar.

_

* * *

Like after Thunder. _

_Like after Rock._

_Like after the Kyuubi._

_Like after Sand and Sound._

_Like after Sound._

_At least –_

_At least one girl, one mother can sleep safely tonight._

_And there's somebody else to worry about –_

* * *

Kakashi flipped out a scroll, cut his thumb and run the blood down through the summoning seal characters, after letting it flutter in the wind, he let it roll up again, performed the final seal and activated it. 

Out of the resulting cloud of smoke, ten scruffy heads appeared.

_

* * *

The old gang. _

* * *

"Yo!" Pakkun said in a deeper, gravelly voice. "Long time, no see, Kakashi. Not such a young pup, huh?" 

"Like you're getting any younger," scoffed Kakashi.

"Hmph… What're we looking for?"

"Well… this…" Kakashi rooted around in his pouch and then, pulled out a handkerchief.

"It's that senbon-dude," Rafe growled. "What-his-name…"

"Genma. Yes. Tsunade gave this to me – just in case –"

"And this is the just-in-case?" asked Pakkun.

"Yeah… I've got a bad feeling…"

"Sure."

"Silent hunt, as well… one howl only to signal the find."

"Got it."

The hounds disappeared – Pakkun and Kakashi headed to the south – steering past the city.

By his watch, it was now five in the morning. Already the sky was becoming less black – a tinge of blue spreading out from the horizon.

Kakashi readied his the pieces of his heart for the worst.

**_

* * *

I'm as cold as a stone, I can feel the life fade from me  
I'm down on the ground, I've got seconds to live  
And what's there that waits for me? _**

* * *

Iruka was already at the edge of river – two of his mizu bunshins took out a nin, while his Water Bullet no jutsu, protected Raido and Shizune from the oncoming rain of kunai – another enemy fell from Raido's long range bomb. 

Beyond Shizune – who was standing, her back to Iruka several yards away – beyond Raido who was running to –

Beyond them was that ugly monster – two monstrous black wings, which looked more like spikes – one large hand wrapped around Genma's totally limp body.

_

* * *

Is he unconscious? _

_Why isn't he moving?_

* * *

"Hischakra is holding out... he's not dying yet... but -," Shizune yelled back to Iruka. "We need to get rid of the others." 

"No problem –" Iruka said, his dark eyebrows knitting together tensely. "I guess we'll just have to let Raido-san do his thing…"  
"I don't think that's wise – he's not thinking clearly –"

"Shizune – it's best this way – he's the one with the most power – his love is on the line…"

"If you say so –"  
"Hm. Well. We've got five more to take care of – let's go –"

It was if he was in a tomb – in some sort of in between place – some sort of imprisoned space – a soul stuck in an inanimate body –

_

* * *

I can't move! _

* * *

He could only gaze helplessly at his attacker's neck – the dark brown had turned black as the curse seal increased to a Level 2. _

* * *

This is where the pain starts, I guess… _

* * *

Genma knew – he'd seen it before – the wild chakra, the damage, the nins that fell to the monsters on the front lines – 

Suddenly, the hand let go of its choke hold on the Jounin's neck. As he fell, the enemy nin –

_

* * *

Who WAS he? _

_Rock can't –_

_Sound is –_

* * *

Possibilities scrambled around in his brain – then went black as pain radiated throughout his body – somebody's foot had connected with Genma's stomach – 

The honey-haired ninja went flying like a doll out of the clearing and into the trees, breaking several young plants as he went.

"GENMA!"

_

* * *

Run the fuck away, Raido! Get the hell out of here! _

* * *

His rather dizzied vision – focused – unfocussed on the piles of green leaves before him. Rough hands dug through his freed hair – _

* * *

Where did my hitae ate go? _

* * *

And gripped his scalp. The jounin gasped. _

* * *

I won't whimper like a dog – even now – _

_Damn it. Where are you, Kakashi?_

_A terrible thought crawled into his brain –_

_What if –_

_Kakashi wouldn't. He wouldn't. _

_What if –_

_I know he's distant – aloof – hurting – stuck in a hell I can only imagine – okay – the hell I'm in now –_

* * *

Genma's face slammed down into the dirt and somewhere an evil laugh rang out – and the shinnngggg of steel withdrawing from a long katana – _

* * *

Where are you, Kakashi? _

_Raido –_

_Kakashi, don't sit there and let us die – don't you care?_

_Kakashi wouldn't._

* * *

A foot descended, breaking several of Genma's ribs. 

Raido was trying to kill another nin who had appeared out of nowhere. Iruka and Shizune were cornered on the embankment, wondering if they would ever see Genma again. Wondering if they would ever see Konoha again.

_

* * *

Damn these Rock nins. Genma… _

* * *

He glanced to the right and watched with horror as the winged cursed seal creature bent over his leader – teammate – pal – friend – lover – 

"Cry for me, little one," purred the man. "Cry for Kuro-kun."

Genma could only whimper as his hand was pinned to the ground – nailed – by Kuro's kunai.

"It's been so long –" Kuro whispered. "Let's play."

**_

* * *

- that waits for me  
'Cause love, like a sentence of death's left me stunned  
And I'm reeling _**

**_Yeah I'm reeling  
_**

* * *

Iruka and Shizune staggered out of the clearing – Iruka's arm was badly wounded, as he clasped it, Shizune was jerking out some clothe to bind it. 

"A tourniquet. That's what I need," hissed Iruka.

The medic frowned.

"I can use my chakra –"

"No. Can't…"

"What, Iruka! You're injured… here…"

Iruka turned away sharply, his teeth gritted. He jerked his chin sharply at the clearing they had left.

"Genma… is going to need it…"

"He – he can't have –"

From where they were standing, things didn't look too good for their leader –

_

* * *

The honey-haired Jounin – Genma – their leader and friend – _

* * *

"_Ahhhh! Lovers in the springtime! People! People! Here's to Iruka and Shizune! May they have tons of easy C-rank missions together! Eheheheeh!"_

"_Genmaaaaa!" squawked Iruka._

* * *

"_It's Genma – nobody's safe from him…"_

"_You make that sound like a bad thing, Iruka!" Genma frowned. "Tch. And me – such a gentleman…"_

"_Here we go again," Shizune rolled her eyes._

"_As I always say – what comes, comes – you can't be choosy…"  
Raido's face went red._

"_Um – Genma – you might want to stop while you're ahead," Shizune smiled._

_

* * *

A man who gave and gave and took cheerfully in return. He never was choosy – he was so – accepting – why didn't I see that before? _

_Under that tough exterior –_

* * *

"_Move aside, bitch."_

"_How can you say that, Genma?" screeched Anko. _

"_I'm saying it like it is…"_

"_GENMA!"_

"_Awww… shut the hell up and move on, Anko. You're right – so… get over it. People can make mistakes – but you don't have to jump on them once they're down… Geez… Show a little mercy won'tcha?"_

"_But –"_

"_Listen, I know people were hard on you too – so you should know, right?"_

_And from that day onward, Anko never sniped at Kakashi again…_

_

* * *

Under that tough exterior was a kind heart – _

_I understand now, Hana-chan. But this –_

* * *

From where they stood, things didn't look good. Raido was attempting to stand and failing – had he broken something? 

And beyond him, Genma lay, helplessly pinned down by various kunai.

_

* * *

Damn. I'm too slow – my ankle – ugh – and Iruka can't sign anymore – and Raido – _

_Raido._

_Genma._

_Don't –_

_Wait –_

* * *

It was a nightmare. It was THE nightmare. He could see it already. _

* * *

Crawling on his elbows to where Genma lay propped up against the tree. Raido whimpered in pain as he tried to reach his friend – _

_He managed to get around the tree, coming abreast of his friend – his silent friend who was gasping heavily –_

"_I'm fine –"_

"_No – you're not," coughed Raido. Blood ran down the sides of his mouth. _

_Somewhere in his chest, there was pain – but that wasn't a wound – it was –_

_They fell silent – unable to say anything anymore._

_

* * *

Raido couldn't do anything – _

_I can do nothing –_

_Nothing._

_I'm useless –_

_I'm nothing._

_Father, you must be right – you must –_

* * *

He could hear Genma's voice in his head, that night so long ago, telling him that he was something. _

* * *

He's been telling me that all my life – ever since we've met – but what have I done for him in return. _

_And here I am, even now, crawling – I can't even help him. _

* * *

Tears ran down his cheeks as he realized the futility – _**

* * *

If you go – **_

* * *

"Hnnn…" chuckled the demon. _

* * *

What was his name again? _

* * *

Genma's tired brain tried to remember. _

* * *

Kuro. _

* * *

"How does it feel to be – nothing?" 

_Damn you_, thought Genma weakly.

"How does it feel – and your friends so useless. Leaving you alone like this…"

_

* * *

Raido. _

* * *

Flashes of memory ran through his brain – _

* * *

Raido falling over his own feet. _

_Raido walking out on his father._

_Raido at his father's funeral – several hundred meters away – crying._

_Raido protecting the Hokage with his life._

_Raido's hand on his as they fell unconscious together._

* * *

"See… he cries for you, the useless fucker." 

Genma's head was painfully jerked to the right and rather hazily – he focused past his impaled hand and the pool of blood seeping from it – to Raido.

The brown hair blurred – the scars running along his cheekbone – dark eyes filled with pain – with tears which ran down his face.

_

* * *

Raido. _

* * *

And even though he couldn't say something, even though he couldn't, even though he lay there like a helpless Genin bleeding from multiple wounds – 

Even though –

Death was peering over the shoulder of Kuro.

Genma felt alright.

Raido was there.

Raido was living. Raido cared.

He wasn't alone.

_

* * *

Thank you. _

* * *

Raido must have understood, his head bent in anguish as his fingers dug into the earth. _

* * *

Don't go, Genma. What's life worth – __**

* * *

If you go – **_

_**and if you go furious angels will bring you back to me  
**_

_**

* * *

NEXT WEEK! **_

_**Wet Crimson**_

_**Genma's eyes darken. But somewhere – a dog howls.

* * *

Sorry... this chappie could've been out earlier if I hadn't lost my Memorex flash drive... (sigh) I'm a doofus... but here it is - another cliffie... but I'm sure you guys can all guess what will happen... right?**_

READ AND REVIEW!


	20. Wet Crimson

_**THANKS FOR REVIEWING! HERE'S A NEW CHAPPIE! ALREADY! YAY!**_

_**(You can so tell that I'm out of school! Ha!)**_

**

* * *

Kittycatcharm: (kakashidiot shakes her head) yeah… I know… I have a feeling I'm going to have to go back and reformat it… d--- it… and as for the next chapter – here it is! **

**Melissa Norvell: yeah… I'm on mediaminer… some people there don't visit fanfiction… so every now and then I go and update – not a lot tho – so the poor things are always behind time… dear dear… and yes, lots of reviews for this thing… (which is constantly amazing for me – but for a senior writer like you, no doubt, you're used to your email box being full 24/7) anyhoo… gotta get going – till next time! P.s. sucks about your wisdom teeth – I think one of mine is going to have to come out… (shivers) waaaa!**

**Sabireru: that's a cool word… "Fetch" – is that like effing awesome? (very curious) but I'm glad you enjoyed this! And as for hugging Kakashi, katana and all, yes… right with you… something soooo smexy about men with swords… (see: musketeer fetish, jedi fetish, samurai fetish) **

**Snowfall: oh dear… sounds like your computer takes a lot of abuse on my behalf! Haha! You make me laugh! I'm glad you're desperate – but I hope this helps satiate some of the desperation! Glad you enjoyed (I think… sweatdrops)!**

**Inquisitive: Sakura's thots on Yukio… hmmm… yes…. Well… yes… (wanders off mysteriously a la Hagi) at any rate, Lightning's Howl isn't coming out this time per se – but your desires will be fulfilled soon – my plot is opening up like a gentle flower… heeeee….. I've been reading to much Petshop of Horrors lately….**

**ForbiddenLove08: Genma and Raido are so cute – I had a lot of fun putting their relationship together in the 2 previous books – and now – sigh! It's all culminating… for the good or the bad – you will see!**

**Shadow Dragon Boss: Yay! You liked my fight scenes! I don't like to disappoint! But I'm glad it's enjoyable! Hope you also enjoy this upcoming fight scene!**

**Kokis: YAY! A NEW REVIEWER! I'm glad you're really enjoying everything – even the parts where I side-track! I'm afraid I like to have a huge cast for my immense fantastical imaginations!**

**Hana megami: Thank you so much for taking the time to email me your review! I'm impressed! V. V. impressed. Well… I'm glad you're enjoying it – and Kakashi's temporary humanity – but I hope that you'll see this bud blossom (what's with all these flower metaphors?) – and enjoy what happens to Gen-kun!**

**Jemiul: Yes… I actually had to build a battle plan drawing… which… yes… v. odd… but it works… and it helped me spatially 'see' what was happening… and then I had to list all of Kakashi's jutsus and decide which to showcase (v. hard) and then get the correct spelling… (grrr…) but I'm glad it's paying off!**

**Subakun-sensei: yes! Kakashi's going to hopefully wow you! Hopefully. But it's also going to be sad – as all good angst fics must! Enjoy!**

**Jennjennr: No problem. Life always gets crazy at times – it's cool that you're a-okay… And I'm glad the Obito-eye issue was cleared up – it's thoughtful reviewers who point out discrepancies or fogginess that help me write better. For that, I thank YOU. As for the darkness – yes –it's almost disturbing to be honest – and a very dark part of me had to push itself out to write it (because I'm a very giving, laid-back type of person who wouldn't really harm a fly…) But I'm glad you enjoy my 'jumpy' fight scenes – I find fight scenes very difficult to write – so I spend more time on them and then people like them… so it all works out I guess… And I'm glad you were moved by the Genma/Raido parts. I feel that everybody needs a place in the Naruto world and to just focus on Kakashi's pain would make him too much of a drama queen (which is acting like now) – and there would be an imbalance in the Naruto world… and as for their attitude toward Kakashi… yes… it's kind of sad, that… but twice as sad since it's only Genma who realizes things… poor man… the knowledge is eating at him… well, I'm glad you're okay with the lesser amount of scenery… some people mentioned that my scenery was lacking, so I kind of tried to pump that up a little bit more so that people would be more spatially oriented – but it's cool that you create it on your own (I do that all the time) – I agree that often the movement is slowed down unnecessarily by the creation of image (although the creation of mood is also important)… you're welcome for all your thanks – and I hope you enjoy this upcoming chapter!**

**Sanity through Madness: I like your name. V. nice. (mine's… idiotic…) yes! Do send me photos of conventions… I saw this one guy in class at school, who always wore a toque – and he was HOT. Genma hot! Genma in real life (same color of hair and EVERYTHING!) I SO wanted a picture of him (oh for a camera cell phone…) but I'm one of those wallflower girls… so yeah… anyway… send pics (you can tell I'm greedy!) and what happens to Genma… hmmm…. It's kind of up in the air, right?**

**Darkflameangel: yes! I got your PM and I will go check the amazing fanart I know you do! **

_**

* * *

**_

ANNOUNCEMENT! GO TO DARKFLAMEANGEL's profile and check out her DEV ART RIGHT NOW!

_**(cough)**_

**

* * *

Anyway… if it isn't colored, may I have the permission of doing so? I do so love to color stuff (cel or airbrushing using Photoshop 6.0)… so send me another note! And as for SMEXY Yondaime. Agreed. Where is the dang Gaiden? It's all this filler crap. Okay. Hinata's cute – but only for so long… **

**SweetAssassin: Glad you're enjoying! And have a nice vacation! I know you'll review when you have the time – so that's okay! It's good to know that you're still enjoying the story – 'jumpy' action scenes and all! Where are you going, may I ask?**

**OtakuAnime131: Hmmm… did you read my previous two stories? White Fang, Lightning's Howl (Part 1) and Revelation of the Wolf (Part 2) – both of them prequels to Gentle Lesson (Part 3)… soo… ummm… yeah… sorry… this is a GenRai pairing fic – they're together… but not all is as it seems – and I can't say more or else I'll spoil a bunch of my sub-plots… which would suck. And as for Anko… in White Fang, Lightning's Howl, she hurts Kakashi's feelings by intimating that he didn't care about his team enough. Ouch. So… yeah… there are histories there… and Genma was the mediator.**

**

* * *

**

Warning: Violence. Angst.

I do not own Naruto… or the character Kakashi…. Wahhh!

* * *

Chapter 20

Wet Crimson

Somewhere close by, a dog howled.

Kuro jerked to attention and looked around at the devastation, his eyes widened in shock. His team – what had been his team of twenty-five lay dead.

Coming from the river, came two struggling, hobbling figures – a young, dark-haired woman and a chestnut-haired man with a scar. The man's arm was useless – the sleeve of his uniform had been cut away to reveal a wicked cut which had stopped bleeding –

He could smell the blood, which now sluggishly ran down to drip off the limp fingers.

But there was fire in the man's eyes.

The medic obviously was suffering a bad sprain.

And the other – the fourth – had managed to crawl close despite his broken leg and badly burned arm.

_

* * *

Demons from Leaf. _

_What drove them so far?_

* * *

The howls – there were multiple ones now – sounded even closer. 

Pulling his katana out of the leader's body, Kuro turned just in time to receive a well-placed blow to the head from the dark tread of a black sandal.

Kuro spun away wildly, to turn at bay. His dark eyes widened fractionally at the sight of several canines jumping out of the bush madly barking, to him – it seemed like a pack of demons, wild eyes, slavering fangs –

_

* * *

What the hell was this? _

_Who –_

* * *

And in the midst of it all – like the eye of calm in a storm – stood his newest attacker – 

ANBU.

A grey-haired ANBU who looked more animal than man, his grey hair waving wildly, dark eyes hidden in the recesses of his mask.

* * *

Raido reached Genma. 

"GENMA! Genma! Wake up!"

Genma struggled to open his eyes.

His fingers twitched.

"It's – going…"

His cough sounded too wet.

Raido's heart felt like it would burst. His only good arm frantically pulled the kunai out of his friend's body. Genma groaned.

"Easy there… I kinda want those arms – later…"

He gasped as Raido eased the kunai out of the palm of his hand.

"It's okay – not a lot of them went deep…"

"Here… let me…" Shizune whispered, as she came up with Iruka.

Iruka fell to the ground unceremoniously.

"Go… Shizune… he doesn't look too well to me…"

"I'm fine…" Genma coughed again. Blood specked his lips.

"You always say that, and you never are!" Raido huffed.

"It's more internal, yes…" Shizune frowned. "He needs to sit up… He's going to drown in his own blood…"

With Iruka's help, they dragged their friend to a tree and Shizune managed to stop the internal bleeding. She sat back with a sigh and then turned to Iruka.

"I've done what I can for him – it's your turn now…"

Iruka glanced at the Jounin who was staring away.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah… Your arm…"

"I can't move it…"

Shizune twisted around and began to work on her lover's arm.

Iruka gazing past her at Genma, smiled as the scarred Jounin placed his hand tenderly on Genma's hand.

"Who's the lover now," he joked.

"Awww, shut up…" Genma laughed weakly. "You're ruining the show…"

Shizune leaned back and gazed past Iruka in shock.

"Awww… help me turn around…" Iruka grumbled as he twisted around to look at what was entrancing his friends.

His mouth dropped open.

_**

* * *

If you go – **_

_**Furious angels –**_

_

* * *

It's – _

_It's him –_

_What the hell…_

_Déjà vu – it's – it's –_

_And acting all cool, too, damn him…_

_Just like him to arrive late –_

* * *

Everybody's thought seemed jumbled but none of them could tear their eyes away from the amazing battle in front them. 

Kakashi's water bunshin was sliced in half, just as another appeared behind Kuro – to slice through an earth bunshin. Kicking the enemy's second bunshin in the gut, the team could see that he wasn't pulling any punches – using multiple style jutsus – tai and nin to destroy his new opponent.

"But he's running low," whispered Shizune.

Iruka nodded.

Genma's breath rasped heavily, Raido glanced at Shizune in concern.

"He needs to get better medical immediately… but…" Raido bit his chapped lip. "None of us are fit to go – let's hope that Kakashi-san will be able to finish this off quickly."

"And where's he going to pull chakra out of? His pocket?" Shizune asked, her voice shrill with worry. "Hatake-san is running low too –"

"I've an idea…" muttered Iruka.

Raido looked up, startled – then – he remembered.

Kakashi took a blow to the shoulder, twisting away, he could feel the cold of steel follow him through the right side of his vest. Reflexively, he fell back and skidded backwards several feet, panting as blood trickled down smearing his dirty-white vest.

_

* * *

I'm low – that blow – I definitely felt that one… Fuck. Not again. _

_Dammit all!_

_And that black-haired medic is here…_

* * *

Kakashi considered the options – but already he knew – it was inevitable – it was fate – _

* * *

It's Tsunade… interfering old hag… Tch. _

* * *

A foot connected with Kakashi's jaw – the grey-haired nin flew backwards hitting several trees as he went – _

* * *

Damn. I let my guard down – snap out of it Hatake – you can do it – _

_You can do anything –_

* * *

Closing his eyes, Kakashi dug deep down – he felt it rushing over him – this time – it was something that he couldn't name – _

* * *

Guilt? Sadness? _

* * *

Something that hurt in his gut as he stood there hidden in the boughs of the trees – to look down on the small group of his ex-friends – _

* * *

His Jounin friends – where they his friends? Did they want to be? And Genma – _

* * *

Genma, who had joked around with him – had been there to cheer him up at the inn – he didn't look so good – _already he's going into shock_ – 

Kakashi made up his mind.

_

* * *

You better be grateful, buddy – _

_This is a rare thing –_

* * *

Dropping out of the tree, Kakashi brought his hands together into the common meditative seal of all ninjas. 

Kuro charged at the still ninja head on –

_

* * *

What the hell is the idiot doing dropping his guard like that? _

* * *

The Copy Nin's mismatched eyes snapped open – almost black – 

Behind the mask, he knew the markings were appearing – heat flowed from him – it was –

_

* * *

What kind of idiot would fall for this? _

* * *

Kakashi's thoughts never finished – whipping his katana out at the last minute – he spread the fire of white chakra that suddenly burned within him – 

He layered his chakra over the blade –

_

* * *

Father – _

* * *

Without warning, Kuro bringing his sword downward – a high offensive slash meant to bisect the Leaf ANBU in half – only to find it blocked by a high guard – 

The defensive went into offensive –

White chakra – _what kind of chakra is this?_ – pouring over the blade gave the fighter an almost inhuman strength –

Suddenly, the world exploded in white – and Kuro found himself flying back through the air – forced backwards by a wave of heavy killing intent.

"What the hell?" Shizune whispered, her black eyes widened. "Where did that come from?"

Open mouthed, she watched the Copy Nin race forward – his grey hair now looking as pure as snow as chakra poured out from it – from the wild hair – from the body – from the steel blade of sword –

Kuro's eyes couldn't follow the flickering nin as Kakashi approached the Rock Nin from all sides in hopes of confusing his opponent. Just managing to block an attack from behind, Kuro gaped as Kakashi's blade cut through his own – to pierce through his chest – plowing through him – to pin him to a tree.

Without hesitation, Kakashi raised his hands and placed them on the man's torso.

"What's… happening?" gasped Genma. He could barely move his head.

"I don't know – he's laid hands on Kuro's chest –"

Kuro began to scream as intense chakra poured into his body – it wasn't the healing probing feel of a medic – rather, a burning flame –

The Rock Nin fell unconscious in a fiery pool of hell – there was pain, there was agony – there was a white light –

Somewhere, Shizune was vomiting. Iruka looked sick. Raido blinked furiously, turning away his mind from what he had just seen.

A man. Burning inside out from chakra.

"Somebody – stop him…" Genma huffed.

Raido shook his head.

"I don't have a death wish…"

"Don't let this wheel –"

"What?"

_**

* * *

Furious angels… **_

_**Will bring you –**_

* * *

Genma gave up. Grasping the rough bark, he dragged himself to his – and promptly bent over coughing up huge pools of blood. 

"Genma!" Iruka hissed as the Jounin swayed toward Kakashi. "Don't even – You can't – Nobody can –"

Shizune tried to get to her feet –

The Rock Nin fell suddenly silent – but Kakashi didn't stop –

Genma staggering over, wrapped his arms around his friend's waist.

"Yo…"

He suddenly felt very tired – he leaned his whole weight on his old friend.

"Kakashi… let it go… it's okay… it's okay… he's gone now."

Kakashi stopped – just stood there – his hands fell to his side lifelessly. Slowly his heavy panting subsided to much calmer breathing. Genma smiled rather painfully.

"Damn. You were late."

Kakashi didn't answer.

"I thought – maybe you wouldn't come –"

Kakashi stiffened – whether from guilt or affront, Genma couldn't tell.

He could never tell.

_

* * *

What makes you think, Tsunade-sama, that I can help him – when I can't even help myself? When I can't even see straight much less breath properly? _

* * *

"But you came – I'm glad – perhaps – you haven't forgotten –" _**

* * *

If you go – **_

* * *

With that, Genma's hands went limp and the tall man reeled backwards, Kakashi swiftly turned and caught the honey-haired Jounin before he hit the ground. 

"What would I forget?" Wolf Hound asked.

Genma's lips quirked up painfully.

"Your name," his eyes closed – and as he fell unconscious, he murmured so gently, the Copy Nin had to lean closer to hear –

"Kakashi – who are – who you are."

"He needs medical care," Shizune said, as she hobbled over. "Immediately… Tsunade said she was going to get some medics on the border for us – just in case – Station 7…"

Kakashi said nothing for a moment.

Then, turning to Shizune, tipped his mask. His dog's gathered around – their master lifted Genma up onto his shoulders securely.

With the barest nod, the grey-haired ANBU darted away into the trees – Shizune watched mystified as she felt the white chakra fade into the distance.

"Rafe's gone ahead of Kakashi to warn the medics… We're staying with you guys to guard you…" Pakkun nodded at Iruka. "I think we can just wait here… A team no doubt will be sent out to meet us –"

Raido shook his head, his face a kind of sheet white.

"No… we can start walking – I just need a – we can't hang around here anymore –"

"We'll need a splint then…" Shizune sighed.

"You can't agree –" Iruka protested from his slumped position. "I can't walk. He can't walk. You can barely walk – and your chakra is too low – are you crazy?"

"Namiashi-san…" Pakkun said gravely, his little pug face solemn. "I understand your worries – but trust Kakashi on this one – he'll get Genma there in time… even he sometimes has no regard for the clock, he understands emergencies – you should consider yourself. I'm no medic and I can tell you can't walk…"

The scarred Jounin gazed blankly at the dog.

"What can a killer like that – how can he – would he ever be able to understand – life? Genma's life is in THAT man's hands!"

"Well… yes… but Kakashi means well… let him be – he will do fine –"

"Just get it wrapped, Shizune, the sooner we start hobbling home, the sooner we'll bump into a medic team – the sooner we'll get home."

Shizune blinked.

Pakkun prayed that the medic would come to her senses – paranoia about team mates never boded well…

"Raido. You're NOT walking on that…" she sighed as she looked down at the Jounin's leg.

Pakkun shrugged.

"Men, Shizune-san. Think they can carry the world, eh?"

* * *

Nine hours later – of steady running and apparating, Kakashi had managed to find his way to the border. Every now and then, he had to stop to double check Genma's vitals. 

They were frighteningly weak. A couple of times, he probed the wounds with his chakra – but he lacked Shizune or Sakura's fine healing skills.

Kakashi wasn't sure whether he was doing any good – just worsening the internal bleeding –

_

* * *

And the constant movement isn't doing him any favors… _

* * *

Finally – the ninth hour came to an end and Kakashi sighted Station 7 – a small khaki building with several ninjas lounging in the trees. Sheltered by the trees, it hid among the bushes on the edge of the grassy meadows which lay throughout the countries of Fire and Rice Field. 

The trio – it was Makoto, Ichiro and Neko – stood at alert. Neko disappeared inside, and several med nins came rushing out – Tsunade, hot on their heels.

The blonde Kage's face was scrunched up in worry as Kakashi made a final effort to apparate close to the cabin. He appeared and gently laid Genma down on the carrier which the med nins had brought out – only to collapse himself onto the wounded Jounin.

"Kakashi!" Tsunade barked. "Rafe said that –"

The Copy Nin didn't answer.

"Ishe dying?" asked Makoto rather shrilly.

Tsunade gave the young ANBU a look.

The young man stepped back, giving her room to look over the wounds.

Running experienced hands over Genma, Tsunade sat back.

"Okay. We've got internal trauma – I think the several of the intestines, the liver – probably the kidneys – are perforated. It's been prepped – by Shizune – but, further work has to be done. Her healing seems to have been stressed… he's begun to bleed into his lungs too – broken ribs… Get him some pain medication as well…"

"HAI!" chorused the men, who carefully hoisted the unconscious ninja and disappeared into the building.

"You four – " Tsunade nodded to her second team of medic nins. "You are going to go back and aid the rest of the team… Makoto, Ichiro, I want you to back them up. We'll keep Neko here for security. Got it?"  
"HAI!" the men chorused.

"Rafe," Tsunade turned to the large brown dog which had crept up to his immobile master and was forlornly licking Kakashi's fingertips, which were showing through his gloves. "I need you to lead these guys back down the trail…"

The dog paused, clearly considering things. Then it slowly nodded.

"Very well, Hokage-sama. But you must promise to care for the cub. He's strained himself beyond all reason today – Mangekyou, Chidori… Shunshin… It's been a busy day – and the enemy managed to –"

"I'm a medic, Rafe," Tsunade cut in with a smile. "It's no problem. I'll care for him as well."

Rafe blinked.

"Right then. Let's go." He darted over the plain, the medics and two ANBU following on his heels.

* * *

Tsunade turned to look down on her errant shinobi. _

* * *

Kashi-kun. Today – your father would be proud, wouldn't he? _

_But you probably don't think that…_

* * *

Very slowly, she knelt down and running her hands over him tested his chakra system and his internal organs. It was hot – as if a furnace had been turned on and left running for too long – and it was just cooling – just – _

* * *

Like a tide, receding into some cold hard door – _

_What –_

* * *

Carefully, she lifted his mask off his face – and froze – 

"Kaka-shi…"

Gently, she trailed her fingers over his left cheek, tracing the long scar which bisected his eyelid – down to three fading grey triangular marks which ran diagonally –

_

* * *

Kind of like Naruto – _

* * *

Down his face. _

* * *

Naruto. _

* * *

Suddenly she was transported back to that day –

* * *

"_Tsunade-sama…" _

_She could hear Kakashi's hesitant voice in her head – _

_He was unsure._

_He's never sure of showing his inner self – his struggles – his feelings. He's a dark horse – a person who plays their cards close to their chest –_

"_Tsunade-sama… have you ever experienced a loss of self during summoning?"_

_Damn you, Sakumo – what is this?_

* * *

Tsunade sighed. 

"Tsunade-sama?" asked a medic nervously.

Tsunade smiled.

"Get a couple of men out here to lift him up – I'll attend personally to Genma myself – he's the one in worse condition. This one just needs a stab wound healed – he'll live – once his chakra stabilizes he'll be good to go."

The blonde Kage pulled the man's black cloth mask up from where it hung loosely around his neck. She picked up his porcelain Wolf Hound ANBU mask and turned away with it.

The medic bent over to examine the injury in Kakashi's right side.

"But that wound is –"

"It's already healing."

"EHH?"

"Eh indeed…"

She turned the mask over and over in her hand.

_

* * *

Come to me, Kakashi – __**

* * *

Will bring you – **_

* * *

Sakura looked up wearily from her desk as Izumo appeared at her consultation room door. 

"What's up, Zu-zu?"

The man's eyes were serious – and for once, he didn't protest at her teasing.

"It's Tsunade –"

"She's injured?"

"Huh? That woman?" Izumo snorted, a little humor returning. "Not likely. She's too mean to die… No… it's Team Genma. They got back from their mission – really done in."

"Details," Sakura rapped out, standing up suddenly, shoving her papers away and heading out the door.

"Uhhh…. Shizune's got a sprained/cracked ankle. Low on chakra. Iruka's low on chakra and got a bad slash on the arm – to the bone – tourniquet on it, I think – yeah – he's out – stone cold – no blood – transfusions? Something like that, Tsunade-sama said…"

"Who else was in the team?" asked Sakura, her heart dropping into her stomach like a stone.

_

* * *

So many injuries! What kind of mission WAS this? _

* * *

"Ummm… Raido-san… he's got multiple burns all over his torso – what's with that guy and fire? And they say he's a bomb expert…. Geez…. And he's got a compound fracture in his left leg… yeah… but Gen-gen's got it bad." 

"Genma-san?"

The two Jounin left the Rehab center and walked next door to the hospital.

"Genma… where to start. Multiple kunai wounds. Various katana stab wounds… looks like he was tortured on the spot maybe? Ummm… umm… Let see… what else did she say? Broken ribs…"

Sakura found the stair and started to run up them, Izumo followed her, blinking furiously in thought…

"Yeah… a paralyzing jutsu which fucked up his chakra system. Loss of blood, of course – and… um… yeah… internal injuries… bleeding –"

"What was he doing? Trying to do the whole mission himself?"

"That would be like him – trying to save the day at his own expense – it's that generation…"

"No…" Sakura said in thought as she rushed down the hallway. "It isn't – it's for all time –"

She remembered Naruto going all out against Gaara – just to save her. Risking his life in an attempt to bring back Sasuke. Fighting Akatsuki just to get Gaara's body back –

_

* * *

It's something all Leaf do – it's what sets us apart from the rest – _

_It's what makes us strong._

* * *

Suddenly, as if a photograph, she remembered that one misty day – her first B-rank mission with Kakashi and her team. Against that Missing Nin Zabuza. _

* * *

He had turned, tipping his head to look at them – his revealed eye crinkling shut in a smile. _

_I will never let my teammates die._

_Kakashi. You're so wise… why can't you be here now?_

* * *

"Ah! Sakura!" Tsunade looked up from a table bearing a medical tome. "Just the woman I need! Into the emergency room. Genma needs more work done on him – I'd feel safer if you were in charge, since Shizune is out for the count." 

"Right on it!" nodded Sakura.

"Check on the others for me, and bring a report back, Izumo."

"Hai!"

"Kotetsu – I need to talk to Jiraiya – find him."

"Hai!"

The three left her and she sat there. Unsure.

Then, rising to her feet, she walked down the hallway, up one flight of stairs and then into the quieter section of the hospital – the recovery units. It was a bit calmer here. Shizune was having her foot bandaged. Raido had already found a bed and fallen asleep.

_

* * *

Only Iruka and Genma are left… and there's so much work to be done on them… _

* * *

Tsunade sighed. _

* * *

But they're alive – and that's all that matters… _

* * *

She found the furthermost corridor – and the most remote rooms – where Yukio sat impatiently waiting to be discharged. 

"I'm bored," he smiled. "Can't I go, Hokage-sama?"

Her brown eyes laughed – then looked solemnly down at the man seated at the small hospital room's window.

"I just need some answers – then I can let you go. Sakura's done a great job on you –"

"Yeah… she was talking to me – I didn't know Kashi-kun had had a team…"

"Hmmm…"

"I should pass along greetings to him, don't you think?" Yukio asked innocently as he cast Tsunade a sultry stare from under his long eyelashes.

_Really_, huffed Tsunade inwardly. _This man… is wayyy too cocky for his own good – no wonder – still – no justification_ –

"You'll do nothing of the sort," the Hokage said icily. "I want no mention of this episode again. To anyone. You'll forget everything you see here – and I don't want to see you bothering Kakashi like that again. Well… it's not like you're a kid – you knew the risks, I take it, when you baited him – but perhaps this time, you bit off more than you could chew?"  
Yukio looked startled – for a second, before his face fell into passive neutrality.

"I don't –"

"Don't give me bullshit," Tsunade glared. "I've been medic in Konoha from before you were in diapers – and I've healed wounds like that – only once – before I left the village –"

Yukio stiffened.

"It wasn't Kakashi – I swear it –"  
"What… you're protecting him now?"  
"Kakashi is –"

Yukio paused.

Tsunade waited.

"Complicated."

"Complicated?"

Yukio nodded.

"Complicated. It wasn't – it wasn't –"

"Yukio – it's lethal. I've been talking to some people and much earlier this morning a man died because of that jutsu."

"Is it a jutsu?" asked Yukio wryly.

Tsunade hesitated.

"No," Yukio said softly, answering himself. "No. It's an ability. But then… you can't understand. There are balances here – you don't know – you can't understand – you stand on the outside and condemn –"

"Don't be disrespectful, brat."

Yukio glared.

"Sorreee…" He didn't sound like it. "It's just that Kakashi and I – we've got something going… it works for us – just let it be… please. And don't blame him either – it was a tough day for him – he felt weak and the aftermath – well, he's got to prove himself strong again – that's all…"

Tsunade stood there, trying to read between the lines.

_

* * *

What – _

_How CAN I understand?_

_I don't even know why Kakashi was 'feeling weak' to begin with! _

_What the hell is going on here?_

_Oi oi… what to do…_

* * *

The blonde woman sighed. 

"'It works for us' you say, and yet, you are here."

"Here isn't so bad. Just boring. I want out."

"So you can – what – bait him again?"

"No. No baiting necessary this time."

"Ugh. Just leave. You two are so messed up… I'm going to have make some changes…"

Yukio smiled painfully.

"You don't understand. There are reasons – It hurts –"

"Love always hurts, doesn't it?" Tsunade asked softly, feeling like some sort of samurai stabbing wildly at an invisible opponent in the dark.

Something found its mark.

Yukio paused.

"Something like that…"

He turned away – without another word, he left.

_**

* * *

Will bring you – **_

* * *

Sakura, emerging from the hospital late in the evening, found Sasuke and Naruto waiting for her outside with hot ramen ready to go. They looked at each other pensively. 

"You guys finished your 'interrogations' so to speak?" she asked.

"Yeah. And you got through his medical files?"

"The most pertinent ones, yes. We've had a busy week at the hospital. This – well… guy…"

Sakura paused, uncertain what to say - it was classified information. An error on the part of some ANBU shinobi - she should never have seen him -

_That man - with the dark eyes - black pools of deadness - like Kakashi's... a beautiful face for a killing monster - charming manners - and lips that always seem to be laughing - to be laughing AT you..._

_Has he ever met Kakashi?_

She wondered.

But she understood.

She would never know. Mentally, she shrugged the thought off with a sigh.

"-and then… Team Ebisu… and now, Team Genma. One would think something's gone on and we don't know about it…"

"Damn it!" Naruto glared, clenching his fist – his blue eyes narrowed. "I HATE it when the old hag hides things up her sleeve!'

"Maybe you just need to learn to keep your mouth shut…" Sasuke smirked.

"SASUKE! YOU BASTARD!"  
"GUYS!" barked Sakura, impatiently. Her green eyes flared with impatience. "I can't take this shit right now. Let's find a spot and talk like adults about this situation –"

"Situation? What –"

"You know – our SENSEI!"

"Oh yeah! I forgot!"

"Fool…" muttered Sasuke under his breath.

"What did you say?" asked Naruto.

"Nothing. Nothing."

"Where do we start?" asked Sakura.

They were sitting on the platform – newly rebuilt – the one that had been the first meeting spot for Team Seven. It had been where those introductions had been made –

_

* * *

How they had changed! __

* * *

Okay, Sakura thought, __Naruto still thinks about ramen and being the Hokage half of the time – but he's matured and gotten more in control and stronger – and Sasuke has learned to live with his clan's failure and move on to the more important business of living… and I'm not sitting here squealing over everything he says either…_Sakura thought. 

_I guess… we've all grown up and become mature and independent._

_And he has too._

_Kakashi-sensei._

* * *

"_Oh… me? My name is Hatake Kakashi. I'm the kind of person who doesn't feel like talking about his likes or dislikes! My dreams for the future are none of your business… but, anyway, I have lots of hobbies…"_

* * *

Sakura smiled painfully at the memory. _

* * *

It's been a hard road, Kakashi to find out the smallest thing about you – but this time – we won't let you slip through our fingers – this time – _

* * *

"Ahhh! The nostalgia of this place!" Naruto laughed as he leaned back on the stairs. "It kind of reminds me why we did what we did – I mean – all that talking to people – it kind of helped build a better puzzle." 

"A better puzzle?"

"What does THAT mean, idiot?" asked Sasuke. "We're trying to find a solution…"

"Eh… you didn't feel like that?" Naruto blinked. "The more you dug, the more you didn't understand? I sure did…"

Sakura nodded.

"Hmmm…. I see what you mean, yeah… The medical files made me wonder what actually happened on those missions – what REALLY happened…"

"What did you find then, Sakura?" asked Sasuke.

Sakura paused.

"In a nutshell?"

"Sure. Tell us the interesting parts," Naruto yawned.

"Idiot! ALL of THISis IMPORTANT!"

"So spit it out already!'

"Okay…" Sakura calmed down. "The Hatake seemed to die a lot in the war against Cloud. I think they had special jutsu or something – but the clan dwindled – young people were dying too much and having no children. And then Kakashi's great-grandfather died, then his grandfather and the eldest son of the family –"

"Huh?"

"Kakashi's uncle, idiot…"

"Oh."

"He died too – a blow to the family, probably. A whole lot of people died… then Kakashi's father's other brother died too – a farming accident…"

"Geez… what's with these people?"

"Life, Naruto, life – it does things to you," Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, Kakashi's mom died in childbirth - with Kakashi's little brother. It's on the family tombstone –"

"You found the family stone?"

"It's actually a crypt, really… and Hanako and her baby were there… A week ago you know, it was the anniversary of her death… the birthday of the brother Kakashi never had…"

There was a shocked silence at the thought…

"Makes sense…" muttered Sasuke to himself.

"Anyway, I don't think Sakumo was the same after that –"

"Saku-who?"

"Sakumo – Kakashi's father. He was suddenly the heir to the clan – when he had been basically ignored before, his wife dies in childbirth – there's all this pressure – yeah…"

"Then, he went off to war, leaving little Kakashi behind and Kakashi went to the Academy when he was 4 and that's when his med record really started."

"I see," Sasuke muttered. "Holy shit. Four years old and in the Academy? What were they – insane?"

"Well… he was precocious… No tutor could handle him…"

"What a bastard!" Naruto said admiringly.

"So, anyway, apparently his dad died – seppuku –"

"Eh?"  
"Suicide, idiot."

"EHHHH? No WAY!"

"Yeah, I don't know the particulars but he did – and Kakashi found him –"

Sasuke winced.

_

* * *

I know how that feels – to come home – to find your home replaced by hell – made by our own hands – _

_The guilt –_

* * *

"So anyway, Kakashi was Chuunin by then, he lived by himself and became a Jounin – on the day he became a Jounin, he got a Sharingan – from his friend who died on the mission. That is, Rin, the medic, performed the operation on Kakashi –" 

Sakura's voice was tinged with awe and respect.

"The donor was Uchiha Obito, he died of – well, basically he was crushed by a rock – he remained alive long enough to donate his eye – and then, I guess, he died…."

"Brutal."

"Yeah… they were only twelve or thirteen…"

There was a silence.

"After that, there are the usual medical records for most nins – then a huge blank, for when he was in ANBU –"

"ANBU? Back then?"

"He was around fourteen, I guess when he went into ANBU – when his sensei died, I guess – you know –"

"Yeah – the Yondaime was his sensei – Yellow Flash," interjected Sasuke.

"So he was there for a huge chunk… and then, for some reason, it just starts up again sporadically… until we came along…"

"Hmmm… he's had a sad life," Naruto sighed. "But don't we all?"

"Sure… But… for him – he knows what he lost – he saw it taken from him slowly – bit by bit – as a young child. Me, I lost it all in one night. And you, Naruto, never knew what it means to feel that kind of loss – you just knew the pain of something missing. And Sakura, she is perhaps the luckiest one – to never know that pain."

"My parents are civilians – they live in a ninja village – I'm sure that day will come for me too."

"Eh… well…" Naruto shrugged. "Life is like that – "

"I said that –"

"No. You didn't…"

"Yes, I did."

"No. You –"

"GUYS!"

Sakura bashed their heads together.

"Naruto, you report next… We can't waste time if we want Kakashi back soon."

"Hai! Hai!"

_**

* * *

Will bring you back to me.

* * *

Next Up: Things always get in the way - it's as if there is something stopping us from find the truth, Sakura wondered. It's as if, Fate doesn't want us to walk this road any further - to let him go alone into the dark. But we can't let it happen - nothing will stop me - us - not even Rock. **_

A Mission To Rock. Big things set in motion. Where is Kakashi?


	21. Burning for You

_TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! THANK YOU!_

_mahoakitti: thanks! I'm glad you think it's awesome! I love to hear from new people as well as my usual reviewers!_

_sakuzi-chan: wow! I'm glad you reviewed - I don't mind ranting/raving at all! It's very encouraging to hear from new people! I'm glad you liked everything - and even understood what Yukio is for! I hope you enjoy this update! And yes, Sakura is going to get with Kakashi... but I like my romances to be realistically drawn out... I don't think short 'jump in the bed' arc lines aren't good for novels like this... I hope you enjoy my two prequels - they are kind of more pedantic than this one - not as 'hyped', really. But if you read them, alot of GL will make sense. Seriously._

_uniquelove: a new reviewer! hmmm... I'm glad you succumbed and enjoyed yourself. How do you find it deep? Just curious. I'm not in Psych. but I find that as a writer, I have free rein to explore the screwed up human mind. I hope you enjoy what's coming up! Thanks for reviewing!_

_ocher/chidori maniac: glad you're excited! This chappie is more laid back... but I hope it's enjoyable regardless._

_hana megami: his humanity is like a see-saw. but then, somewhere in Paul's epistles (Bible ref), there's a mention about doing what you shouldn't do, and not doing what you should. it's very sad to be so conflicted. but hopefully, it's all going to turn out ok. as for Rock... I was hoping to pack more punch into this chappie - but this chappie hates me... gak! writer's block, begone!_

_americanidiot14: another new reviewer! I'm glad you liked it and thought it was cool. Sometimes, I don't know what I'm doing..._

_snowfall: yes. Yukio is rather nasty. (sigh) I don't know why I created him - except to create conflict. and you must admit... he's doing a great job! and there's the whole aspect of knowing/not knowing. I love that whole idea. to be honest, it was a let down for me in that new Superman movie - it left me wanting to write a fanfic about Superman's life undercover. Because it's the whole 'undercover' that makes the tension. The whole, "It can't possibly be him...", "where's Kent gone?" etc etc. In this case, it's "who's that woman in the photo?", "what is Kakashi hiding?" etc etc. just love that kind of stuff. (perhaps why I enjoyed stuff like "Krapp's Last Tape" and "The Matrix")_

_kittycatcharm: well, this chappie is due to you. You and your cyber-poking. It made me realize that I'd been distracted too long with other things (read: Trinity Blood, Samurai Champloo, Samurai Champloo AMV-ing etc etc) ah. well. here goes! Hope you enjoy!_

_I Can't Believe I'm Not Anime: Another new reviewer! Wow! They just come out of the woodwork! Well! I hope you enjoy the rest of this fic. Even though they've changed, I'm glad you find them, IC. I hate OOC stuff... where Sasuke is all giggly and moony ... although... parody is fine. I love parody - or comedy. You always need to laugh! POTC all the way! Although, my Sakura is different. (post time-skip) which I justify with the war. Hah! I can't stand wimpy!Sakura..._

_inquisitive: glad you enjoyed! the interactions between all of them are kind of hard to recreate - but in the end, it's necessary. Action always helps, right? well... this time around I found it really difficult. This chapter was a bugger. man. but then, b/c of the filler crap we've been getting, I've started to look at other anime, and I get distracted. seriously, that Kakashi gaiden better get out fast or I'm going to go ballistic. we need chibiKakashi cuteness! and angst._

_Shadow Dragon Boss: the suspense... yeah... sadly... never mind. i' not going to say more - but... hang in there! actions and reactions coming up soon! thanks for taking the time to review!_

_sabireru: sorry for the wait! Ahhhkkk! it's been crazy - my job and all - but things are going to get moving sometime! hope you're enjoying vacation. no vacation for me this year, b/c I have to work all summer for school. ha! well! we'll see about that! Genma/Kaka fics are so hot._

_Darkflameangel: Kakashi in bed floating around in my head would get me excited too! I got a poster of him above my head, above my bed. Yep. Obssessive much? Injured!Kakashi, Injured!Genma are always hot. my favorite. and soon it'll be August and soon we'll have cute chibi!Kakashi and smexy!Yond-y on screen! Squuueeeee! - ahem... yes. (cough) back to GL. Thanks for the rave review! I was encouraged to press on!_

_Sanity through Madness: WAAA! Plushies! I need to get one! And as for cosplay pics - sure! send'em over! Thanks for sending the review - whatever kind it is! I'm glad you liked the previous stories. Not as good as this one though! Ha! I'm getting better... (sideways glance and blush) I think... but it's cool!_

_Zenna: Kakashi rocks! Thanks for reviewing! It's good to know there are people out there as crazy about Kakashi as I am! Crazy in the good sense, of course._

_ForbiddenLove08: Ahhh... the mysterious of sealed spirits... LH isn't just a summoning... (see Book 1) so yes, he can do all sorts of things. which is what Tsunade is interested in. as you will see... and yes, this story is getting big. and bigger. it's taking life on it's own. it's a monster, really. my brother says i need to get a life... I'm not sure if I agree with him. If I stopped now, I'd be in such big doo-doo, I'd might as well commit cyber-seppuku._

_Iluvjesus123: Read the commentary just above this. All questions shall be answered. It's really interesting - because your question is just another mystery that will be answered in full for Naruto and et al. (once they find out that he has LH, which they don't know exists right now... interesting... interesting...) Is LH like the Kyuubi? Sort of? Maybe? I can't say without spoiling a ton of stuff... hope it comes clear as time goes by!_

* * *

The poem: **_Burning for You_**, is written by moi. Hope you enjoy this chappie! 

_Warning: Male/male closeness. ANGST!_

I do not own Naruto... or Kakashi... or we wouldn't have to watch all this filler crap...

* * *

Chapter 21 – Burning for You

_**I am the grey-winged moth**_

_**Who draws to your bright flame**_

_**And burns**_

* * *

The smell of soba and miso never left him – it lingered in his senses – a stench of decay. 

It left him with a firm belief –

_Eggplant doesn't mix well with blood._

That and –

_Who am I?_

As he stood there, looking down at his handiwork –

The father, fallen forward onto the low table, a kunai in his chest, a surprised look on his face –

The dead mother, clutching her lifeless child to her chest.

The two daughters by the door, silent – never to move again – never to laugh –

Never to run out of their mansion to greet their father –

The heir to estate was also there – unlucky bastard – who had come to visit his ailing father…

He had put up some sort of a fight – but was no real match for this ANBU.

And here he was –

In a dead home.

The silence of the dead was black.

And standing there, looking down – as if from far away – his chest felt burdened with something –

Something –

_Guilt? Shame?_

A blackness – a void of horror – a darkness that no light could pierce –

Inside of him gnawed a hunger, he was so hungry – the pain clashed with the sight of fish and vegetables lovingly set out in blue-inked china bowls – the chopsticks just opened – the rice still steaming in its pot –

And what little he had had for breakfast came up –

He apparated as far as he could from the home, to throw up repeatedly into the bushes –

And as he knelt there, panting harshly – he saw their faces –

He saw in their eyes the reflection –

_What reflection?_

"Why?" She had screamed. "He's only a baby! Please!"

_Why? Kakashi… Kakashi, why?_

_What was that – what did you see, Kakashi, in that mirror?_

And as if from another time and space – it was another time – it was later on in the future – he was drawing away through the darkness to the mission –

He was bending over Genma – Genma who had taken that chance.

_Genma._

_Genma. Why? You – what do you see?_

* * *

"_But you came – I'm glad – perhaps – you haven't forgotten –"_

"_Your name,"_

"_Kakashi – who are – who you are."_

_

* * *

Who am I? _

He paused.

Then he whispered.

"I did it for you."

An answer echoed back to him – from far away, a soft voice whispered –

"Is that how you justify –"

_Kakashi._

His name resonated in his ears – a commanding voice – the same whisperer?

Emerging from a black tunnel, he found a field of white –

Kakashi blinked – and, as his vision adjusted, h e realized he was staring straight into the glare of a hospital's florescent light.

Turning his pounding head, the ANBU attempted to shield his eyes and face – in vain.

Panic began to flood his gut.

_Where am I?_

_This isn't –_

Images flashed through his mind –

_A dark man bending over him – his hands –_

Kakashi jerked hard against his restraints – attempting to twist out of them –

_No. No._

_No. This can't be happening –_

_It can't be –_

_It isn't –_

_Not again._

_Never again._

His eyes focused on a bunch of beeping hospital machines to his right – to his left – 

His wild, confused gaze landed on –

"Tch. Can you justify this?"

The solemn faces of Ibiki, Tsunade, and Jiraiya.

"What are you doing? Get these damn wires off me!" snarled Kakashi.

Tsunade was the only one to advance despite the waves of killer intent coming from her reluctant patient.

"Kakashi – we're trying to regulate your chakra flow –"

"What! There's nothing wrong with me!"

Kakashi fell back onto his pillow, stifling his unwarranted feelings of fear.

Tsunade watched his struggle – her face bent in a frown.

"There's a lot wrong with you – you're completely fucked up. I realize I can't hold you forever, though – so just answer some of my questions –"

"Bitch," Kakashi whispered harshly.

"Pardon?"

Kakashi turned his head away to glare at the green-black monitor.

"How's Lightning's Howl doing?"

Kakashi flinched at the name.

"Well?"

The grey-haired man's eyes darted to Jiraiya and Ibiki.

Tsunade smirked.

"I told them."

Kakashi growled.

"You had no right to –"

"I had every right," Tsunade snapped. "Now –"

"Fine. He's fine."  
"When's he last been out?"

"I dunno… several months back when you declared the end of the war officially…"

"So you don't let him out often? Why not?"

Kakashi mumbled, "It's none of your business."

"I'm MAKING it my BUISNESS!" Tsunade yelled. "Because maybe – maybe I don't want a psychotic shinobi running around with a summoning going evil."

"Lightning's Howl can't go evil!"

"Yeah? He's part of you, isn't he?"

Kakashi nodded hesitantly.

"Unless –" Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "You don't let him out for another reason."

Kakashi merely blinked.

"He's your conscience, isn't he? Kakashi-kun…" Jiraiya said thoughtfully.

Tsunade drew back.

_

* * *

It makes sense… _

* * *

She sighed. 

"And that's not all – what's up with you and Yukio? He was here for healing several days ago –"

"It's none of your business." Kakashi said flippantly. "Why should you care?"

Tsunade drew herself up, her face red as she tried to control her legendary temper.

Jiraiya winced.

_

* * *

Keep this up, boy, and you'll be out of this hospital – as a corpse – _

* * *

"My business? What's it got to do with me? I DON"T KNOW – MAYBE BECAUSE A MAN NEARLY DIED of SEVERE CHAKRA INJECTION! You TELL ME – Kakashi. If it's nothing why are you pulling this card out now? After all these years – ON YOUR FRIENDS?" 

Tsunade deflated.

"Well… I'm glad you've gotten over your guilt about that whole Gai incident – it's good to see you using your full potential – but on your teammate? Friend?"

Kakashi's harsh laugh cut through her scolding.

"Teammate? Friend? Don't make me laugh. You can't understand."

For a moment, Tsunade saw pain in her shinobi's eyes.

_

* * *

What – Yukio – and now – Kakashi – what – what are they hiding? Is this a good time for me to be probing this? _

* * *

Kakashi was continuing on – 

She could see the openness in him, withdrawing like the tide – for a moment, she felt panic – and pain.

_

* * *

What can I do? _

* * *

" – It's a situation that normally works for us – objectively, I admit this…" 

"It also gets out of hand," disagreed Ibiki.

Kakashi shrugged.

"Sure."

"That is fine with you – to have an enemy and a lover rolled into one?" Ibiki frowned. "When you come home, you want to relax – not –"  
"It's fine."

"Abusive relationships, abusive sex – nonconsensual or otherwise is NEVER fine. You're destroying yourself, Kakashi. What little is left."  
"There was nothing to destroy in the beginning – it is perhaps better this way."

Ibiki flinched. Tsunade gasped at the soft, hard, deep bitterness and resignation in the Copy Nin's voice.

_

* * *

Bitterness. Anger. Despair. Pain. _

_So much pain. And yet – what he does – what he's done for Rock – for Genma – there's hope – what have I done but backed him into a defensive corner?_

* * *

Kakashi was unstoppable – 

"There's nothing sacred to keep anyway – what am I? You know it, Tsunade. Now I am honest I'm not living a life pretending to be what I am not comfortable being."

"You are NOT a monster, Kakashi," Tsunade shook her head. "Deep down, you are Lightning's Howl – loving, caring – scared, guilty, maybe – but you just don't want to face that – you don't want to see that young boy in the study anymore –"  
"Whatever."

"Your father –"

"DON'T."

Tsunade jumped back as Kakashi lunged at her – he fell back, teeth gritting as his thin wrists chafed red against his restraints.

"Don't. I don't want to talk about him –"

He paused.

"Or her."

"But we must, Kakashi." Jiraiya said harshly. "We need to consider he hopes and dreams of Sakumo – Yellow Flash – Rin – Obito –" He paused. "Sasuke, Naruto. Sakura."

_Sakura._

_Warm hands on his cold heart._

Kakashi shut his eyes to the rush of memories – but he could see them anyway –

His traitorous mind's eye.

_**

* * *

Your love is a fire – **_

* * *

"_Kakashi. You're our proud sensei!"_

_Her soft voice, her warmth as she sat beside in his dark shell – as she tried to reach out. To what – she did not know._

* * *

"_Kakashi."_

_His sensei jumped away._

"_Remember – live your life for them – to the fullest."_

_He never saw Yellow Flash again – alive._

* * *

"_Kashi-kun – I – always –"_

_Rin, in his arms, fragile like a butterly – and then she was still, her heart never to beat in vain for him again._

* * *

"_Kakashi –"_

_Obito under a rock, blood trickling from his mouth, and an empty eye socket – admiration and love on his dead face._

* * *

"_Kakashi."_

_His father's arms around him, in a crushing bear hug, eyes dreaming with tears for his dead Hanako._

* * *

"_Kakashi – we're moving – for you – handsome – my beautiful boy –"_

_A soft voice and the blurry face of the one –_

_The one he missed the most –_

_Kakashi._

_What's your name?_

_Who are you?_

* * *

"Kakashi," a soft voice called. 

He looked up and found the concerned, pain-filled eyes of the Kage close to his own her hands gently petting his longish hair away from his face.

His mismatched eyes filled with regret.

"I'm sorry, I can't live up to that – but –"

Kakashi shrugged.

"I can live with it, we all can – just as we did before."

Withdrawing –

Cycling backwards –

The wheel turned backwards –

Unstoppable –

From dark to light – and then – back to the dark –

Day fell into night –

His grey eyebrows scrunched together – and into his dark eyes, a dangerous light flashed.

"And stop touching me! You aren't my mother! Stop acting like one!"

The sudden vehement violence in his tone of voice caused the blonde Kage to draw back.

Kakashi relaxed.

"Let me go," he whispered.

Tsunade glanced at Ibiki – the ANBU interrogator nodded.

"Fine, Kakashi – but – take care – of yourself. Maybe you don't know who you are – maybe you don't remember – but we do –"

"What you remember is an illusion," Kakashi said shortly as he watched her slowly unbind his wrists and ankles – slowly pull out the IVs and wires.

He sat up, cricked his neck and stood.

"Then, perhaps," Jiraiya said softly. "Perhaps we can make that illusion reality."

Kakashi said nothing as he left the room.

* * *

"We got enough data?" asked Tsunade. 

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," Ibiki emerged from behind one particularly large machine, holding a long sheet of paper marked with jagged ink lines along it.

"It's clear – here – 'Lightning's Howl'; here – 'Yukio'; here – 'Sakumo, Yellow Flash… uh… Obito, Rin, Team 7 – especially… after Sakura's name…."

"What?"

"His emotions were the most calmest, followed by the most tumultuous afterward –there… you can see the rest of the time he varies between extreme calm and extreme rage – without warning –"

"What – what are you trying to say?" Jiraiya asked with a frown. "After a mission like that, most shinobi –"

"It's necessary – it helps us know what kind of state he really is in – especially after a mission like that." Ibiki sighed. "On a good day, like Kakashi's annual psych test, you can get by – here – here –"

His face fell in concern.

"There's no lying – no one can deceive this machine…"

"So you're saying…"

"He's –"

"Imbalanced," Tsuande sighed. "As we feared."  
As she watched from her office windows Ibiki and Jiraiya leave the front entrance of the hospital, Tsunade sighed.

_

* * *

Sakura. _

_What healing did you bring to him?_

_How is it that he finds in you the equilibrium he needs?_

_Perhaps_, she thought, _there is more hope for him than he realizes._

_This upcoming mission of mine to Rock –_

_Perhaps –_

_Maybe –_

* * *

Tsunade grinned. _

* * *

A way to expose the brat – _

_Don't let me down, Sakura!_

_**

* * *

Your love is a fire too hot for me **__

* * *

It's dark here - like the underworld, Yukio thought with uncharacteristic melancholy as he stood, dressed in full ANBU regalia, in front of his superior waiting for yet another mission briefing. _

Looking around him - at the black, battered metal desk, the low slung chair, the dim florescent lights, the anonymous file cabinets lining the room around him - Yukio felt like he was buried alive in the earth.

_

* * *

It's dark, windowless, lifeless, black, grey, stained, old, dirty... _

* * *

The faceless man before him, his superior, was perhaps the only one to truly understand - he had been there since the beginning - from before - 

Before the war, he'd been a capable ANBU shinobi - one in many - but he had been different.

He had survived.

_

* * *

And that's all you need, Yukio thought cynically, __to move up in these ranks_. , Yukio thought cynically, . 

_Survival instincts - what Kakashi and I have, too. And here we are with a handful of other veterans - all that is left -_

_We are here - while the others are..._

_Dead?_

_Trying to recover?_

_Who knows?_

_We are here, alone._

* * *

"Thoughtful, Yukio-san?" asked the man formally. 

"It's that kind of day..."

"It's been that kind of month," the ANBU controller sighed. "... you mave have heard of unrest between Konoha and Rock?"

Yukio tipped his masked face ever so slightly in a nod.

"There have been rumours…"

"Not rumors – truth."

Yukio looked thoughtful, then he shrugged.

"So – what's new?"

"We had hoped peace would come – but recently – as Konoha sent out three teams to deliver treaties, they have been attacked by Rock Nin – and Rock has sent no answer or tried to make any positive contacts with Leaf Nin."

"Hmmmm – so Rock is trying to disturb the new peace?"

"Something like that. At any rate, the Kage has decided to mount a probe – she will be accompanied by two teams – and your team of four will be the backup."

Yukio nodded.

"At any rate, you'll be there to fight if they are attacked by anyone – show no mercy! At this point, Konoha cannot risk losing it's Kage at a time when it is still recouping from the last war!"

"Yes, sir! Understood!"

Yukio nodded curtly.

"Good! You'll be a team of four – as usual – the Kage asked for Kakashi – do you have any recommendations?"

"Makoto and Ichiro are good… and of course, the Kage made the decision I would –"

"Yes… it's fairly obvious – Hatake-san's jutsus would be very useful – especially since Rock is well know to him…"

Yukio nodded.

"My thoughts, exactly!"

_**

* * *

there is something beautiful **_

_**in that flickering red tongue**_

_**the small sun**_

* * *

"Kakashi." 

"Go 'way."

"So cold! I thought you'd like to – play…"

Yukio loomed over the sprawled Copy Nin.

"Hn… since when have I in my right mind been –"

Yukio bent to whisper in Kakashi's ear.

"_You know when –"_

"Besides," Yukio shrugged, leaning forward to snag a bottle of sake.

"Since when have you been in your right mind? You're drunk, man!"

"No, 'M not!"

Yukio sighed.

"Don't worry – I'll be here to hold your head out of your vomit… as usual…"

"Thas the las thin' I need."

"Ah ah ah! You live your life way too dangerously to my liking, Kashi-kun. Almost – suicidal if you get my meaning – that last stunt you pulled –"

"He needed me –"

"Maybe it was his time."

Kakashi, now well on the road to severe impairment, didn't answer. He just sat there – slumped back in the sagging settee stationed on his balcony. It was one of his favorite thinking spots – _on nights like this when the moon shines brightest_.

_When Yukio isn't there –_

_When I feel –_

_When I feel –_

_What do I feel? What don't I want to feel?_

Yukio sat down beside the Copy Nin and looked out over the rooftops.

"You live your life way too dangerously, Kashi-kun… what if –'

Kakashi opened his black eye blearily at Yukio's solemn tone.

"What if – you never came back?"

"Why should y'care? You're th' one who hurts me all th' time. Who's most annoyin'… dash - dastardly…"

"Hmn. Yes."

There was another silence.

Yukio downed the rest of the sake bottle, and then, as he felt the alcohol hit his stomach to burn deeply with warmth, the black-haired ANBU operative sighed and leaned sideways into Kakashi.

The Copy Nin made no move.

Which was odd.

Yukio thought it over.

_

* * *

Perhaps – perhaps he's going on me – he has drunk two bottles – and he could never really carry his alcohol…. Or maybe – just this once – he feels – _

* * *

"Does it hurt?" asked Yukio. 

"Eh?"

"Does it hurt to see them so happy? To see that robbed from them?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

_

* * *

Even now – the barriers – _

* * *

"Does it hurt, I wonder?" 

Yukio said nothing, before burying his face into Kakashi's neck, to inhale his partner's new shampoo mixed with a faint smell of hospital and green leaves.

Kakashi nudged at him, Yukio moved away just a little.

"Why do you ask – now of all times?" asked the Copy Nin, his voice slurring gently.

"Because it does –"

"I never said it did."

"I never said that I was talking about you."

There was another thoughtful silence.

Yukio turned to his partner, to find him snoring gently, already out. He wondered if Kakashi had even heard his reply.

_

* * *

It is perhaps… better this way… _

* * *

As he laid the Copy Nin down onto the bed and squeezed in beside him by the wall, Yukio studied the bared face – so young in its sleep – _

* * *

The face of an angel – a black angel – or a dirty grey one? _

_The bared face that is mine._

* * *

Yukio leaned forward and tasted the firm lips, they opened gently and he took the opportunity to enter there – his tongue tasting his companion's honey taste – the hastily heated ramen mixed with sake. _

* * *

Interesting. _

_Real._

_Here, right now._

_Mine._

"_Does it hurt, Kakashi?"_

_It hurts for me, somewhere in my chest, something tightens – _

_Something burns._

_**

* * *

When my arms wrap round you **_

_**The memory of it is death for me**_

_**The memory of you**_

* * *

"_Damn! Damn! Damn! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!"_

He was there by the rock, his tired fingers and muscles trembling as they tried to shift the rock which pinned his partner down –

_Not just a partner – not just a teammate – but a friend –_

_A friend._

What had been an annoyance – a whining crybaby – had become somebody else – somebody with wisdom and power –

_The Sharingan. _

_Shit._

_Obito._

_The first person to –_

"_Anyway, if I'm that kind of trash, I'll break the rules. If that's not being a true shinobi – then I'll crush that idea of a shinobi!"_

_The first person to reach out, to say "White Fang" with admiration. To see behind the mask – underneath the underneath – to believe._

"_I believe that the 'White Fang' is a true hero!... Of course, those in the ninja world who break the rules and regulations are called trash… but…. Those who don't care for their companions are even worse trash. "_

_Obito._

Here he was, lying, dying underneath a rock, Rin was crying, looking at him with eyes – eyes that were watching a shattering world.

_Fuck._

_We're only thirteen._

_This was my first mission as Jounin – first day, and – I – I – fuck!_

_What's wrong with me!_

"_Kakashi…"_

His voice jerked me to attention.

As he lay there, pinned under the rock, dying.

"_I…. from the beginning, if I'd gone along with what you'd said and went with you to rescue Rin…. Something like this wouldn't have happened!"_

There was a silence as Kakashi berated himself.

"_What kind of commander? What kind of Jounin?"_

"_Hey… no… forget it…."_

_A pause._

"_I'm…. the only one…. Who didn't…. give you a present… at your Jounin celebration… right… Kakashi…. What would be good… I was thinking… and… now… I've come up with it… what…. Don't worry… it's not…. Useless… baggage…"_

A pause.

"… _it's…. this Sharingan… of mine…."_

_Eh?_

"…_the people in this village… what they must've been saying… that you're a great Jounin… that's… how I feel… please accept it………. I'm already…. Going to die….. but… I can become your eye…. And from now on I will see the future…"_

_I'm sorry, Obito._

_I'm sorry._

_That the future you see is nothing but the dark._

_**

* * *

It burns **_

_**My heart it burns for you**_

* * *

As he stared down at the crystal ball, watching Naruto getting himself in trouble with the girls, staring down Sasuke, panting after the pink-haired girl named after the equally pink cherry blossom, Sakura – Kakashi wondered. 

_This team – do I even deserve this? Can I really do this?_

_I don't know – I don't know –_

_Hokage. What were you thinking, giving them to me?_

On the outside, he knew he looked in control – casual. Hip. Annoyingly cool and unconcerned.

But inside, his stomach roiled with turmoil.

_He wasn't sure._

Thinking back, Kakashi felt uncertain –

_I failed? Or did I?_

_Why do I remember?_

Once again, he shifted on his bed, brooding over the thought – wondering.

_What do I miss the most?_

_Acceptance? Dreams? Love?_

_What is it -?_

"_You are our proud sensei…"_

Kakashi turned away, in the dark, biting his lip hard to hold back a tiny sob – a couple of tears leaked out to trail down his thin cheeks – to soak into his pillow.

Yukio's arms tightened around him and as, a pair of hot lips found their way across his shoulders, Kakashi knew only one thing.

_I'm alone._

**_

* * *

My heart it burns for you _**

* * *

They watched the golden sunset – the bright lamp slowly sunk behind the rounded roofs, the small squat buildings – and the Great Wall. 

A gentle breeze their hair away from their faces – in the cool air of the evening, it seemed so still.

Looking at her younger companion's bent head – her newest head medic was deep in thought – Tsunade could only conjecture the burdens life had brought her prized pupil.

"He's on your mind, isn't he?" she said softly.

Sakura stiffened – then sighed.

"Is it so bad to worry about a friend? Especially considering the trouble…"

"He was your friend?"

The girl laughed softly at her mentor's heavy skepticism.

"Well… I see that he had no friends – I am perhaps no more special to him than Naruto – or – Sasuke or even say, Genma… but… I feel like he invested a lot in me – us –"

She leaned further over the metal railings, absently noticing the new blank paint.

"In those two years that Naruto was away – even though we didn't meet a lot, we gained respect – I think – an understanding, perhaps – and now… come to think of it – I was the last one to see him that day – long ago – when we were all conscripted…"

Tsunade nodded.

"I see… you feel responsibility – love – care –"

She paused.

"It may be a waste of effort. You don't know what he's become –"

Sakura blinked.

"And you do?" she asked.

Tsunade merely shook her head.

"Don't let the bastard break your heart…"

Sakura shrugged and let it go.

_

* * *

If she doesn't want to answer me… _

* * *

"Is it true," the medic asked, changing the subject, "I heard about a probe operation into Rock… you aren't going, are you?" 

Tsunade laughed.

"Oh, yes. But no worries. Team 7 and Team 8 will be going – Kurenai included. And a couple of ANBU backups. We'll be fine."

"If you say so…" sighed Sakura. "The way things have been lately… I don't know…"

"Ah! Ah!" Tsunade's smile crinkled her brown eyes shut. "You're sounding more like Shizune! It's scary!"

"Scary? What's scary is your age!"

"WHAT?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

"I may be old, but I'm not dead yet!"

"Tell that to – never mind…"

"To who? Who's been talking about me! I'll give them –"

* * *

"Why do our talks always get interrupted? It's bad karma, I tell you!" Naruto pouted two days later, as his team stood outside the mission room door waiting for Tsunade to stop inundating Jiraiya with last minute instructions. 

"Do you even know what that IS?" Sakura rolled her eyes.

Sasuke sighed.

"It does seem discouraging… I had photos – and a mysterious shopping list to show you…"

"Photos?" the pink-haired kunoichi asked. "Of what? NO WAY! Kaka-sensei without his mask on?"

Sakura's voice ended with a squeal of anticipation – Naruto and Sasuke winced.

"No such luck – unless you count one baby picture. No. More like pictures of him and his dad and his dad's friends – and the one picture of his mother… like I said, when he was a baby…"  
"Awwww! Sounds so cuuute!"

"Ugh!" Naruto groaned. "Stop squealing like that!"

"NNNAAAAAARRRRUUUUTTTTTOOOO!" roared Sakura, suddenly switching moods. "You don't have a bad hangover do you? On a morning such as this! You drink WAY too much!"

"Sakura," mumbled Sasuke.

"WHAT! Not you too!" the pink-haired medic whirled around on her tall ex-crush.

His dark eyes avoided hers – but on his pale face, she could see the signs of a hangover…

"Sakura. It's –"

"Can you guys keep it down?" Izumo grumped, poking his head out of the door. "Tsunade and Jiraiya have – headaches – and –"

"What's with you guys?" Sakura glared. "Sleep well before a mission, so you feel energized and can get up early to primp and –"

She paused at the sight of her team mates' glazed eyes.

"Well… I guess it's normal for most idiots to party – but you could have asked me too! Geez!"

"So full of vitality…" grumbled Sasuke. "How does she do it?"

"So loud," whimpered Naruto, cradling his head. "So early in the morning…"

They watched Sakura blab on -

"This mission is already starting badly – where's Sai when you need him?"

"On a mission," Sasuke reminded her, in a dead-pan voice.

"I KNOW. That was a rhetorical question, idiot!"

"HA! HA! Sasuke! You fell for it!"

"Fell for what, idiot?"

"Don't call me idiot, idiot!"

"Stop acting like one!"

"I'm not! You are!"

"Am not! Who's the one with the hangover, yelling?"

"My hangover isn't as bad as yours – you can't hold your drink as well as I CAN!"  
"What? You're the one who passed out at one o'clock!"

"EEHHHH? And what about you? You were so sloshed you passed out on that Yuuhi bitch's bed!"

"That's – that's – that wasn't passing out! And her name is Lyra! My woman isn't a bitch! I decided –"

There was a pregnant pause.

Sakura froze and turned slowly to catch Sasuke's eyes.

Naruto froze – half-looming over his annoying friend.

"How did you find out about Lyra anyway?" Sasuke said, trying to change the subject.

"That doesn't matter!" Sakura screeched. "You got a girlfriend and you didn't tell me! Who is she exactly?"

"Gekkou Lyra… niece of that examiner from waaayyy back - you remember that sick dude - Gekkou - Gekkou -"

"Hayate-san?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah! That guy!…Anyway, she'sfour years younger than us…" Naruto nodded. "Met her at the club – very hot, and very, very interested… let's just say…"

He waggled his pinkie.

"SASUKE! That's so sweet! But how DARE you KEEP THIS IN THE DARK! We've got to meet! And hang out! And have you set a date yet? OOHHH! I'm soooo happy for you! I wish you well! She better be good to you – or else…"

Sasuke sighed.

"This is one of the reasons why –"

"Eh? Who's getting together?" Tsunade asked suddenly from behind the Team.

Sasuke U-turned and marched off muttering about crazy women.

"Hey!" Tsunade yelled. "The mission is starting! Let's get going! Hey! Come back here this instant – you have to tell me everything, brat!"

_**

* * *

I am the grey-winged moth **_

_**Who clasped fiery arms of love**_

* * *

Three days later, as the Team of three, Team Kakashi, and the Team of four, Team Kurenai, led by Tsunade, walked slowly amongst the trees, down the dusty, brown, potted road, Kakashi felt worse. 

It wasn't the rising spring heat - moist with last night's rain - it was the oppressive looks of Yukio -

That and the sight of them -

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"I'd never do that, idiot, but you -"

"N-n-n-naruto..."

"Naruto..."

"Don't call me idiot, bastard!"

"I'm just saying it like it is, dead last."

"SASSSUUKKEEE-TEEEMMMMEEEE:

"NAAARRRUUUTTTOOO!"

Naruto never reached Sasuke - a small fist slammed into his back, smashing the blonde into a nearby tree. There was an ominous creaking sound, as as it fell, Naruto peeled himself away in just enough time to avoid becoming a pancake.

"N-n-n-n-naruto-k-k-kun!" squeaked Hinata, running to the hunched young shinobi. "Are you okay? Here's some salve..."  
Naruto, rubbing his sore back, squinted up at his temporary teammate.

"Hinata! Uh... what did you say?"

"S-s-salve!" she whispered.

"Eh? Oh that! That's the awesome stuff that made me feel better last time! I used it up in a week... You're so good at this, Hinata-chan! Not like... HER..."

"What's that supposed to mean, Naruto?" asked the impatient pink-haired medic.

"Nothing," the blonde Jounin said hastily.

Hinata giggled. He looked at her and smiled.

Hinata blushed red and scuttled off.

_

* * *

You know, Naruto mused, __all these years... and I still don't get her... she's such a nice girl too... at first, I thought she was weird... but really, she's not THAT weird... I mean, look at Shino. Now that's creepy! Talking to bugs and never getting a dating life at all!_ , Naruto mused,

* * *

"Naruto! Hurry up - or we'll be leaving you behind." 

Naruto got up slowly and followed them deep in thought.

_

* * *

Although, I'm not one to talk. I've not got a girl yet, either. I guess... ever since that day... _

* * *

He sighed. 

Suddenly, he noticed his dark-haired companion at his side.

"Girl troubles?" asked the Uchiha.

Watching Kurenai, Sakura, Hinata and Tsunade bending over some small flowers, Naruto rolled his eyes.

"For there to be girl troubles, I'd need to have a girl first. That's my problem."

"I don't see what's so tough - you're a war hero. You've got them all at your feet..."

"And you don't?"

"I didn't say that... I've got a bigger -"

"Nevermind. It's a non-issue."

"Non-issue. That's a new one from you. Who did you learn that from? Let me guess... Ebisu?"

"Hmmm... good try. No. Genma."

"Ah. Well... why is it a non-issue?"

"I've lost my heart to somebody."

"Oh? Who?"

"I don't know."

Sasuke blinked.

_

* * *

I thought Naruto was dumb - but not this stupid... _

* * *

"What do you mean?" asked Sasuke, slowly and carefully. 

"It was when you were gone - and I had to go on a whole bunch of missions with people - before Jiraiya came back to take me away - and there was this one mission, which Hinata came up with - and, boy, was she awesome. She pulled out her own signature jutsu then! Wow! It was super amazing! Anyway, there was this bug who was supposed to sniff you out -"

"I don't want to know..."

"But I ended up farting on it so it stuck to me all the time - and boy, was Sakura mad - I had to hide in a henge for a week! And of course, Shino was acting all 'leader-like' the whole mission - and Kiba was his normal useless -"

"You're not making any sense, Naruto -"

"Well... it doesn't matter, because one night, I had to go pee -"

"As usual..."

"What? I'm not the only one running out! Hinata was gone then... yeah... anyway - it was - where was it? anyway - I think it was on the road to the place... so, I had to go, I went out to the river, and I saw this chick dancing on the water - she was so hot... come to think of it... I don't think she had any clothes on..."

"Jiraiya... you've got alot to answer too..." mumbled Sasuke.

"Eh? What? Well... no matter," Naruto sighed. "I slipped and when I got myself out of the river she had gone. And ever since then..."

"You've been love with a water-dancing chick? All this time? Loser!"

"I'm not a loser! I'm a romantic!"

"Romantic? You're an idiot."

"WHAT?"

"Guys!" Sakura hissed, from up front. "You better not be -"

The boys quieted under her threatening gaze. Naruto dug out his canteen and unscrewed the black cap.

"It's obvious," Sasuke said, rolling his eyes.

"What?" Naruto said around a mouthful of water.

"You saw Hinata."

"PHOEEE!"

Akamaru got a shower of water and spit - he darted up the road howling after Kiba.

"What the hell!"

"Like I said, only an idiot couldn't figure that out."

"How can you -"

"Listen. You're in the backwoods. Nobody is there. Hinata is missing from the tent, and you wonder who was on the river? Geez..."

"That's impossible..." Naruto blinked. "She was hot!"

"And Hinata isn't?"

Naruto stuffed his canteen back into his pack and watched the dark-haired Uchiha narrowly. The young woman sneezed.

"Well?" asked Sasuke.

"Ummmm... she is kinda hot... but you can't see much under that jacket."

"Check her out when she takes it off. She's got it - you've seen her move at the club..."

"Yeah... yeah... absolutely."

"Now, you just gotta show her your interest. She's been in love with you since the Academy. Can't be hard..."

"What? You say the dumbest things, Sasuke. I'll ask Sakura. She's smarter."

"Like you should talk, water-dancing-chick-loverboy."

"SASUKE-TEME!"

"Tch."

"NARUUUTTOOO!"

* * *

"Seriously," Kurenai sighed. "I don't know how she puts up with it." 

"The patience of a saint?" asked Shino.

"Not really," Tsunade growled, eyebrow twitching in irritation.

She deflated suddenly - Sakura had dealt with the situation once again with one blow.

Once again, Hinata was tending to Naruto's wounds, while Kiba helped the stoic Uchiha up.

"Idiots," fumed the pink-haired medic as she stomped past the shocked women. "I can't wait to get this mission over and done with - that way, we can get Kakashi - and he can deal with them!"

* * *

Kakashi watching the whole scene, 50 paces away, couldn't help but smile. 

"That woman is scary," Makoto breathed softly. He shivered. "Remind me never to piss her off, Hatake-san."

"Yeah. Those dainty looks are totally deceiving. Such monstrous strength in a fragile flower."

"Ichiro. You need to lay off those Icha Icha right now - while you still have some taste left."

"But it's a classic!"

"According to Hatake-san, but not the rest of the world!"  
"What are you saying?" asked Kakashi with a mock stern voice. "Don't badmouth my enjoyment here!"

"Yes, Hatake-san," Makoto whispered.

"He's joking." Yukio smirked. "You know that, right?"

"Oh."

"Makoto. Makoto." Ichiro sighed. "You might have taste, but you sure have no sense."

"Shut up, open pervert."

Kakashi tuned out the young one's bickering - watching the stalled group closely. He could sense nothing big moving in the area - but the whole thing seemed off to him.

_To be so light-hearted on such a mission..._

_Seems wrong._

_Just like before - when things went downhill._

_Don't they -_

He felt frustration well up inside him.

"Calm down," Yukio said softly, as he perched beside the Copy Nin on his high branch. "We needed a rest stop anyway."

"I am calm."

"No you're not. Watching that team, you've been more uptight than Ibiki on a Class S mission."

Kakashi didn't reply.

"What are they to you? Ex-students? Yes. That's it - Tsunade said I wasn't to say anything -"

"Say what?"

"Nothing."

"What weren't you to say?"

"Can't say."

"Say it!"

"It's nothing. Just that pink-haired bitch."

"Don't talk like that about her?"

"Ah. I hit a nerve."

"No. It's just rude."

"You called Tsunade a bitch."

"Meh. She's not a woman anymore. She's a hag with monstrous strength."

"And what do you call that?" asked Yukio, pointing as Sakura laid another one on Kiba for trying to grab her butt.

"Monstrous strength - but not a hag. Or a bitch."

"What then?"

"I don't know..." Kakashi's voice trailed off - his eyes, obscured by his mask dulled in memory. "Something... beautiful."

Yukio looked down and bit his lip. He frowned.

"The bitch."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Better not be about Sakura."

"No."

Watching the group continue on, Yukio wondered. For the next two days, as he watched Kakashi watch his ex-students with pained eyes, the black-haired ANBU began to understand.

_

* * *

Tsunade. You are one fucked up bitch. _

* * *

Kakashi was in his own world. Lost in memories and regrets yet again. On the outside, he completed his toiletries, ate and ran with his ANBU team, verbally sparred with Yukio and broke up Makoto and Ichiro's fights - but in the inside, he ached. 

Watching Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto laughing, eating, running, sparring, joking - talking about him -

"We'll get him back, Sakura!"

"Let's get this mission over and done with so we can find him!"

"I miss Sai - but I miss Kaka-sensei more..."

He felt confused.

_What._

_What are they -_

_What do they hope to find?_

_How can they be so happy?_

It was four hours past the border into Rock that the first blow fell.

_**

* * *

And burned **_

_**And died

* * *

NEXT UP:**_

A BIG CLASH! MORE MYSTERIES ARE REVEALED! Summonings, Kyuubi, LH!

READ AND REVIEW!


	22. Chance

_Here 'tis! A new update! And so soon too! Your enthusiastic reviews for the previous chapter (which by the way, I think were undeserved) really encouraged me….. that and lack of money – I couldn't order any Petshop of Horrors, sooo….._

_**

* * *

**_

THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED!

_**AND TO ALL THOSE WHO WILL, THANKS IN ADVANCE!**_

_You all know I LOVE reviews! And not just reviews but chatting, too. I encourage chatting. And self-pimping – especially when it involves sending me links of cosplay photos, fanart involving GL, and Naruto news (such as when these damned fillers are going to end) etc, etc. _

_If I like a piece of art I will even pimp it for you! Ha! _

_Ummm… anything else… well… life is good… I recently went to the beach and got horribly burned, itchy, blistery and all sorts of ugly stuff like that…_

_That's what happens when you are a pale person who NEVER tans. 24 years of life should have taught me never to try to tan – but hey, I still try. And I must say that Lake Huron is still my favorite lake (yes, I went swimming for the first time in like 5 years)… if I was going to be a fantasy character, I'd be a vampire._

_No word of a lie. I hate the sun (I prefer fall, winter and spring), and want to live a long life. So anyway, moving on from my peeling legs and arms…_

_

* * *

_

To my reviewers!

_**Snowfall: Yes, I'm giving Tsunade a large part in this story. To be honest, she's NOT my favorite character. But she's functional as a person who's moving the plot on. And she does have her own sub-plot – you'll see… **_

_**Anonymous: Thanks for reviewing! Yes… I've been writing a lot cliffies lately – but that's only because I find my chapters get too long and I have to half them. Hope you find this chappie fulfilling!**_

_**Sokerfreek922: HI! Welcome! Thanks for reviewing! Cool name by the way! Were you interested in the Soccer word cup thingy? I was kinda disappointed in it b/c of the bad acting. Seriously. What was with all those fake injuries? Since my dad was born in Holland I cheered for the Netherlands, but they lost, so then, on principle I cheered for England, but then they lost, so then I cheered for Germany, but then they lost… (sigh) But I gave up caring… and then, it turns out my house is an island in an ocean of Italians and Portuguese (and they get SO excited and basically clog our downtown with parades and stuff)… which is cool. Anyway.. back to my story! I'm glad you enjoyed my novels! It's kind of important to read the previous fics because they give a lot of backing to this one and I flash back to those fics a lot. I'm glad you agree with the characterization since it's hard to imagine what they would be like after a war… Sasuke was the hardest, but hopefully I'm getting used to writing him… hope you like this newest update! **_

_**Chidorimaniac: hi! Glad you're glad! (hahaha!) you can tell I'm brain dead right now since it's 1:40 in the morning and I'm still perky from my shift at work! Hope you like this update!**_

_**Ymir: The whole bug episode thing is a Naruto filler (aired back in winter of 2005, I think), in which Hinata suggests looking for this certain bug (which Shino mentions) which can only smell one scent and then find that person. It's really dumb and ridiculous – but of all the fillers, one that I think should be canon and taken seriously since we find out Hinata's newest jutsu. Naruto ends up farting on the bug, so it follows him around and naturally, Sakura (who's away training with Tsunade) is V. mad! (READ my reply to KITTYCATCHARM below for indepth reasons why I accept it as canon) Ha! Anyway… Shino had a 'tude in it, which was also a plus – the way he brow beat Naruto was classic! I hate Sakura. Seriously. But I'm trying in my fic to make her a likeable character who can be strong as well as weak. I hope it'll work…**_

_**Mahoakitti: Hmmm… what do you think? I think a bit of both. I write it with a lot of ambiguity b/c that enables the reader to fill in the blanks for themselves. But I think that Kakashi is paralyzed by issues and memories and STUFF, and therefore ends up allowing Yukio to do stuff he should be doing. So, basically, it takes two to tango, you know what I mean? It's never all one person's fault. That's what I'm trying to show. Does that make Kakashi less loveable – that he's vulnerable one minute and then raving angry and defensive the next? Well… that's up to you to decide… I'm not sure if I like Kakashi as he's now… but of course… that's what Sakura is there for! Hahaha!**_

_**Thief of the Sand: Thanks! I'm glad you like. It's kind of a heavy story… but it's been fun to write. Hope you enjoy what's going to come up next! And good luck with your story!**_

_**Inquisitive: Thanks for the encouragement. Seriously. It's dedicated (rabid) fan readers like you who keep me writing… well… I'd write anyway since I'm an Narutard, kakashi idiot… but… well… work lately has been crazy (literally run off my feet) and between exploring other fandoms and anime and sleeping, I'm totally tired out these days. But I will perservere! There's no way I'm giving up on this baby! I'm glad you liked the flashbacks… this chappie is more action than thought. Hope you enjoy nevertheless!**_

_**Jennjennr: No prob. Totally understandable. After all, I kinda got behind in the updating too – so it all works out! Ha! I'm glad you enjoyed the Obito flashback – when I first read the Gaiden manga, I cried my eyes out. Seriously. Me. The rock. I can't wait for it to be animated… yeah… I think this is going to be a case of friendship blossoming into a romance and everybody will be like "Hello?" and – I better not say anything more or else I'll spoil my plot! Hahaha! I'm glad I struck that perfect balance between angst and humor – there's nothing bad with angst – but it's not real angst if there isn't humor to show the other side… 'sides… I'm a softie at heart – character deaths always upset me (esp. when they aren't cited as such…) you must always have rays of sunshine! I want to give Raido two dimensionality. I think it's going to work. He's got issues with Kakashi – for a number of reasons which we'll all find out… dun dun dun… And thanks for all your encouraging end remarks… they seriously make me big headed. I run home and wave it in my little sisters' faces and say, "Ha! Look! People love me!" Thanks again!**_

_**Kittycatcharm: Thanks for the heads up on the confusion in the past chapters! I'm going to try to keep it simpler. It's hard to get these ideas across in nouveau manners – simplicity, I think is the key! And yeah… no beta reader so I kinda posted it up untouched. Will probably have to go back and change a couple things – including the info on Sasuke's girlfriend… which was wrong… (sigh) I really need to organize my notes better. Sai. One word. Hot. V. Hot. Did you check out those groin lines? Sheesh… he needs a belt. Prosty-tot, much? But cute… He may be evil though – and therefore break my heart… oh well… yeah… I'll probably bring him in… as SHINO's BOY TOY! HAHHA! Just joking! Crack pairings are fun! As for those fillers, on principle, I agree – but the bug filler was I think was important b/c: a) Naruto becomes more aware of Hinata, b) Hinata shows a new jutsu, c) Naruto is impressed by a waterfall-dancing-chick (ergo, fueling romance), d) Shino grows in leadership and e) you see the relationship between Hinata and her dad – so sad! And oh, yeah, f) Neji starts to notice Hinata. So I don't think that filler is trash. Although parts of it were wince worthy… Zuzu and Tetsu are… mmm… yes… definitely the highlights of the recent filler. (the rest, I shut my eyes to) I just paused the avi and drooled… Zuzu is my favorite… and Genma… he's coming up… I can never leave that man alone… seriously… as for Yukio, I'm glad you are krunk with him. Most people seem to be. I don't know what depth of imagination he sprung from (I don't have an evil ex), but he's been pretty interesting to write. I basically try to make him swing both ways – because most people do. It's like Zabuza. Again, thanks for the encouragement, hope you enjoy this next chappie!**_

_**Sabireru: hope you enjoy this action-packed chappie! Looking back, I see things have moved along quite a bit – and things will move faster… and faster… and there's no knowing where we're going, and I show no signs of slowing and the rowers keep on rowing… (I think I'll stop now!) Enjoy.**_

**_Shadow Dragon Boss: Yeah. It's getting to be a soap. But then, isn't Naruto a soap itself? Hahaha! Yukio vs. Sakura. Who will win Kakashi's heart? The Question of all time! Hope you enjoy this installment._**

_**Darkflameangel: hope you squee at this one! I'm glad you liked the angst. It was kind of sad… I thought… "Oh… this time I over did myself…" but hey, it seems to be working for everybody – soo… well… thanks for the fanart heads up… I'll check it out when I've got the time (Friday. That is to say, I'm writing on Thurs. 2:10 am, but on Fri I'll check it out) Drunken bickering. Oh yeah. I'm not sure if it's realistic though – or the hangover part… (I've never got drunk before) but I'm basing it on my brother's conversations about him and his pals… (yes, I do research stuff… sort of… the rest I make up…) glad it works! **_

_**Stoictimer: Ahhh! A new reviewer! Nice to hear from you! I'm glad you like – and hopefully you enjoy the SakuKaka interaction in the next couple of chapters! (when I get around to writing them… that is…)**_

**_I can't believe I'm not Anime: Yeah… Kakashi doesn't want to be babied… (kakashidiot cuddles chibi!Copy Nin… sooo ccuuuuuttteee!) ahem. Yukio is, yes, jealous… but he's not that jealous gay type who has a lisp. He's the uke (?) I think… the one on top. He's the in charge type of guy you wouldn't guess to be gay… (I don't even think he's gay per se, more like… anybody to screw will do – what do you call that? Nymphomania? Bisexuality?) oh! You were in Germany? What for? (just curious) until next time! See ya!_**

**_Sanity Through Madness: Squuueeee! KakaSaku cosplayers! NO WAY! WAAAA! Share! Pweeeaasseee? Sounds cool… I have as yet to get my ass off to a convention. (mainly b/c I'm shy and need to go with someone) But Southern Ontario is rather blah about those kinds of things – only 1 really good one to go to (in Toronto) which I missed in the spring… ah well… and the KakaYondy poster – what's it like? Is it a Gaiden poster? Do tell! And no… I don't think I have a fanclub yet… should I? hahaha! I should get website up and running though… just too lazy… maybe this school year… (I have a feeling I'll still be writing GL even then…) As for Yukio… yes… he's the antithesis of Sakura – but that doesn't mean he's totally evil and Sakura is totally perfect. Both have the potential to hurt and heal – it's the choice of the deep soul. I think Yukio is basically selfish and socially inept. And totally unable to deal with his issues, which he then thrashes out at Kakashi's expense… I think… I'm still trying to map this character out as well… oh well… we'll see how it goes!_**

**WOW! 2:20 AM. Sheeesh! That's late! Gotta go to bed (going to work at 10…)**

**_hana megami: well... lateness is no problem! (I always check my email just before updating!) I'm glad you like the layering of the plot - from now on, it's going to get rather complex... tough... and as for Rock action... hahaha! you'll see! (I'm so excited) and I have a soft spot for Hinata - she's just sooo sweet!_**

**Until next time!**

**

* * *

I do not own Naruto. **

**Warning: KakaSaku-ness! Hahaha! (that's for you, Yukio)**

**NOTICE: I MADE A BIG MISTAKE LAST CHAPTER (what happens when you lose your notes) AT ANY RATE, SASUKE'S GIRLFRIEND isn't YUUHI LYRA - but GEKKOU LYRA.**

* * *

Gentle Lesson

Chapter 22

**Chance**

"You say he's been looking at you funny?"

"Y-y-y-yes…" Hinata blushed as she looked down at her fingers – now nervously meeting at the tips. "It's…"

"Scary, huh, when your dreams come true."

The red-eyed genjutsu expert smiled understandingly at her student.

_

* * *

Well… ex-student, really. Time's gone by so fast – one minute, I'm a newbie Jounin given the responsibility of a genius team, the next minute, here we are – equal status, trying to keep a hard earned peace… what life brings… _

* * *

Her hand absently rubbed her belly. _

* * *

It's a chance, eh, Asuma? _

* * *

"Dreams?"  
"Dreams. You've had them since Academy, didn't you? About Naruto?" 

Hinata turned an even deeper red and looked up nervously – ahead of the two women, the rest of the group were rushing along through the rocky mountain terrain that lined the border of Rock.

It was beautiful, really – the morning had begun well – some clouds, a blue sky, and a warm sun with a cool wind. Perfect for traveling – the roads were in good condition. Now, with the sun hanging lower in the sky, their lunch meals settling in their bellies, Tsunade's group definitely had high spirits.

Especially Naruto.

The Jinkuurichi had been irrepressible. His constant attention to Hinata –

* * *

"_Hey, Hinata… what do you think of this plant?"_

"_N-n-n-naruto… that's… a thistle…"_

"_Eh? Eh? Ack! Get it off me!"_

* * *

"_Hey! Hey! Check this out, girls! Aren't I the strongest?"_

"_Naruto! Stop being an idiot."_

"_N-n-n-naruto… be c-c-c-careful…"_

"_Eh? What did you say, Hinata?"_

"……"

"_No. Seriously. Tell me."_

"…_. Eeep…."_

* * *

"_Sakura. Move over, Hinata has no space on the blanket!"_

"_Naruto… really…"_

"_MOVE!"_

"_NARUTOO! DAMN YOU! SHUT UP!"_

"_N-n-n-n-naruto! S-s-s-sakura-chan! I'm fine! Really!"_

"_No, you're not! You need space to eat!"_

"_Um… er…"_

"_Leave her alone, Naruto! Geez! What's got into you!"_

* * *

His constant attention had been heady – but scary for the shy Hyuuga heir. 

"He's just… different."

"Yeah. I'd say he's noticed you. I think he likes you. You should take the chance and enjoy the moment. What can it hurt?"

"Kurenai-sensei! You think so?"  
"Hinata. I want the best for you," Kurenai smiled. "And Naruto does you good! Makes you strive to be better – be more open… Really. You guys are young! Don't waste your life on worry."

"But…what if…"

"You know… Asuma and I, when we were going out – people always misunderstood why it took us so long to marry. It wasn't Asuma's fault. No. I was afraid to take the chance. After all, I saw my father's broken heart when mother was killed on a mission. I didn't want it to be me. I didn't want to take the chance."

"What changed?" asked Hinata, hesitantly.

"Asuma. Love."

Kurenai smiled fondly at the memory – not so long ago -

_

* * *

Just last week in fact. I had fallen into that rut. _

* * *

"_You can never know!"_

"_That's right," Asuma smiled crookedly around his cigarette. "But does that make it right – to take away all possibilities from this child – the bad times, yes, but also the GOOD?"_

_Kurenai sighed._

"_I don't want it hurt."_

_Asuma leaned forward and squeezed her hand; she looked up into his warm brown eyes, noticing, absently the grey hairs threading through the chestnut at the temples._

"_Not one of us do. Nor did our parents. But that's life – you gotta take a chance on it," he said._

_Kurena shook her head, uncertain._

"_I don't –"_

"_When we started dating," Asuma interrupted gently. "We took a chance – to be hurt – to feel loss – life is like that too. You balance all the good things that might happen against the bad. You took a chance with me."_

"_I did. Then…"_

"_Whatever happens, happens. I'll be there beside you."_

_Kurenai leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips._

"_You better be," she murmured against his mouth. "I'm not going to raise your brat on my own!"_

_They laughed and kissed again._

* * *

"Sensei? Sensei?" 

Kurenai focused in on her ex-student's voice.

Hinata looked worried.

"Eh? Oh! Must've –"

'You spaced out!"

"Just thinking of something –"

"Asuma-sensei?"

"Hmmm… something like that. He told me –"

"What?"

"He told me to balance the good that might happen against the bad. You do that too, Hinata – and tell me how that turns out – the results might be unexpected."

"O-okay… I'll try…"

Kurenai nodded encouragingly.

"You might want to raise your voice though – it's hard to be heard by him – the voice of the one you love drowns out yours! Hee hee hee!"

The older woman snickered.

"Kurenai-sensei," moaned Hinata.

"HINATA-CHAN!"

"EHHHH!"

Hinata blinked as Naruto shoved his face close to hers.

"What's up! Why've you dropped behind? Did you hurt yourself? Hey! Do you want a piggyback?"

Hinata fainted dead away at the thought of a piggy back.

Naruto, meanwhile, as he bent over the flushed Hinata, wondered.

_

* * *

Sasuke and Sakura have to be nuts. There's no way this dark, weird girl likes me! She hardly says anything! And always collapses around me! Still… maybe she's shy! That's it! Maybe she's afraid! Alright! I'll help her overcome her fears! _

* * *

Watching Hinata eventually revive and continue on (trying in vain to avoid Kiba's pestering), Naruto considered the situation. _

* * *

Still… this mission blows. I mean, it's cool and all what we're going to do – but it's going to be basically a hide-and-seek thing. Not like we're going to actually ENTER the village. That's more an ANBU thing. Damn. ANBU. Kaka-sensei… I wonder where he is… Geez. This mission really sucks. If we were back at home, we could get to work on this whole problem. I'd be able to – be able to – _

* * *

Here his eyes strayed to Hinata as she walked away in close conference with Kurenai-sensei. _

* * *

Clubbing. With Hinata. Without her jacket on! And maybe – maybe…. UWWAAAAA! _

* * *

"Naruto! Wipe that stupid smile off your face!" Sakura barked. "It's creeping me out!" 

"Thinking on a certain water-dancing chick, huh?"

"Shut up, Sasuke!"

"Hey! I'm not the idiot drooling on his jacket!"  
"What? I was? Liar!"

"You were."

"Was not!"

"Were!"

"Was not!"

"Were! Look at that – there!"

"That's -! That's just a stain from lunch!"

"Oh! So you eat like a baby?"

"SASSSUUKKKEEE!"

"GUUUYYYSSS!" Sakura's shriek rebounded off the last of the cliffs, as the group past the last small mountain and came to a halt on a cliff, which overlooked a small grassy plain.

* * *

Watching Sakura beat the crap, yet again out of the boys, Kakashi had to wince. _

* * *

Maybe Makoto is right… she IS scary. Remind me to NEVER piss her off… it's like… she's woken up totally to her inner self… I remember… _

_That day…_

_She had fought Ino – that exam, even though many unfortunate events happened because of my choice to enter them – it had been a time for her to grow – to blossom –_

_What had she become?_

_Somebody who didn't sit on the sidelines and cry uselessly. No. The war taught her to fight through the tears, no doubt. War does that to everybody. No. That exam had taught her to protect the one she loved._

_And she does. Maybe – maybe –_

* * *

Kakashi's thought was never finished, as the lead group halted at a cliff. 

Signaling with his hand, Kakashi sent Makoto and Ichiro to flank their charges on the right, while he and Yukio remained on the left. This way, all sides would be covered. Careful to scatter no rocks or pebbles, Kakashi made his way abreast of Tsunade and peeked around the corner of the rock – to see the same vista.

A broad plain, with a couple of hills in the middle, and further – beyond – a dark woods. The mountain range they had just crossed continued into the horizon, to the north and also, further to the west – to his left.

It was a beautiful view – awe-inspiring from their high vantage point. Shifting his gaze to the blonde Kage, he followed her pointing finger – one particularly large hill in the middle, most noticeable for the small grove of trees on top of it.

_

* * *

What the hell is she thinking? _

* * *

"What the hell? She's going to stay there for the night? Right out in the open?" Yukio hissed in Kakashi's ear. 

Kakashi swatted him away irritably.

_

* * *

Really. Number one ninja rule is to conceal oneself… geez… I thought Naruto only had this problem… _

* * *

"Well… it's almost night," Yukio whispered. "It'll be a chance for us to pass them and wait in the forest beyond." 

Kakashi glared at him through his mask eye holes.

"Back off."

Yukio grinned.

"You look in hot in black – did I ever tell you that?"

"Shut up. Really. I mean it," grunted the grey-haired ANBU Wolf. He shut his eyes and concentrated really hard. His eyes flickered open.

"I –"

* * *

"I sense something!" Naruto yelled, withdrawing his kunai. 

"Naruto! Stop being an idiot!" Sakura bellowed.

"I thought you outgrew this in the war," Sasuke sighed.

"Is he always like this?" Kurenai asked.

"Hmmmm…." Tsunade paused. "Yeah. Basically."

"What a pain!"

"Fools go where kami fear to tread… this is basically a person who acts before he thinks," Shino noted distantly.

"What a loser!" Kiba snorted.

Akamaru agreed.

"N-n-n-naruto, are you sure? Where are they?"  
"On either side of us!"

"Let's get moving," Tsunade said sharply.

"But!"

Tsunade flung the young man off the cliff, and followed him down more sedately by leaping from crag to crag.

At the bottom, they met – Naruto, glaring at the chakra skid marks from his hands and his feet.

"YOU NEARLY KILLED ME, OLD HAG!"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH! STOP SHOUTING!"  
"I HAVE A RIGHT YOU NEARLY –"

"YOU WERE BEING ANNOYING AND STUPID! AS USUAL! GEEZ, NARUTO! CLUE IN! You're a Jounin! Act like one!"

"I don't understand!"

"The story of his life…" giggled Sakura.

Sasuke and Hinata sighed.

"I told you BEFORE we left," Tsunade hissed. "Or weren't you listening? Eh. Forget I asked. I don't want to know your perversion… well? Do you remember?"

Naruto cocked his blonde head to one side, finger on his bottom lip.

"Uhhh….." He blinked, and then looked up with a weak smile. "NOPE!"

"Idiot! I said, this was a mission where we don't look behind!"

"Eh? What's that mean?"

"You a Jounin, don't know? What's this world coming to?" wailed Tsunade.

"Now, now," Kurenai stepped in, before the (much) older woman got a stress-related stroke. "Naruto. It's when a team has ANBU backup. ANBU follow behind."

"WHAT! WE'RE BEING BABYSITTED? FUCK YOU!"  
Naruto waved a third finger at the cliffs. Sasuke's fist knocked him back.

"BE POLITE, IDIOT!" screeched Sakura.

"That's not the issue, Sakura! NARUTO! Don't reveal their position, IDIOT!" barked Sasuke. "You just – you just destroyed the whole point of having back up!"

**Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Kurenai: In Shock.**

**Tsunade: Looking for a desk or chair to toss.**

After a moment.

"N-n-n-n-naruto! It was supposed to be a secret!"

"Oh. Why didn't you say so earlier?"

**Everybody turning away to head across the plain:**

**"….. hopeless……"**

* * *

"Did you just see that mother – That – that – BRAT – that fucker just – just – " Yukio turned to his friend, sputtering with hardly concealed rage. 

He paused at Kakashi's tense stance.

"What?"

"I –"

"What?"

"I sense something!"

"Fuck! Where?"

"Coming fast. Five groups. Can't you feel them? Smell them?"

"Huuu… no… that kid just destroyed any chance of me concentrating. I swear – if I ever turn plainclothes, he's on my hit list…"

Kakashi ignored his partner and began to signal to Makoto.

Makoto was already alerted – Ichiro had felt it too.

_Good boy_, Kakashi thought. _He's going to survive. We'll all survive this_.

Makoto signaled something back.

_

* * *

Groups of eight. _

* * *

Kakashi paused and reached out – _

* * *

HOLY FUCKING HELL! _

* * *

"He's right…" 

"Who's – what?"  
"Five groups of EIGHT!"  
"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Indeed."

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?"

"I know. Two coming from the north. Two flanking on the west – to our left. And one coming from the east – Makoto's right. Mokoto can take care of that group. We can take on two – and the others will just have to take on the 16 from the North."

"Uh… you saying we should break cover, already?"

"Well… we could sit back and enjoy watching the Kyuubi tear the plain apart – but I personally want to have a little exercise – and not have to do damage control on a 6-tailed Naruto."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'm game if you are."

"Since when have I not?"

"It's just – it's in front of your own Team... ex-Team."

"They won't be focusing on me. They're going to be busy."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure. They most likely won't even recognize me."

"Oookay…"

* * *

Led by Akamaru, Tsunade's group were weaving through the grass, darting like shadows across the open plain – happy at the thought of a rest for the night in the shelter of the trees. 

Just as the women reached the bottom of the hill – Naruto, Sasuke, Kiba and Akamaru had already reached the top – Shino paused and, turning to Tsunade, murmured –

"They're coming."

"What?" asked the Kage, sharply.

"The ANBU – are moving forward."

"What?"

A small indistinct bug landed on Shino's shoulder, the black-haired Jounin adjusted his sunglasses.

"We are being boxed in on all sides by 40 adversaries."

"What the HELL?"

"Where?" asked Kurenai sharply.

"Not sure. But in a few minutes we'll know…"

"NARUTO! Get down here! Kiba! Akamaru! Geez!"

"It would be best if we get to higher ground," suggested Kurenai. "Get the lay of the land, so to speak."

"Elevation is always an advantage…" Hinata said. "But – is there something wrong?"

"Hinata!" Tsunade rounded on the slim young woman. "I need you to check out our surroundings – something's coming!"

Hinata gasped and darted up the hill without further comment.

Her hands moved in the blur of the most familiar set of seals to her.

"BYUKUGAN!"

The world suddenly blazed white – and as her eye's darted around nervously – it seemed to focus on everything – on the bark of the nearest trees, Naruto's whisker marks, Akamaru's tail, Kiba's hoody, a bug near Kurenai's foot, the four ANBU lurking in the corners of the rocks – and beyond –

Four small animals scurrying through the grass – a deer, two squirrels – some sort of a wild pig. A flock of butterflies. And beyond – at five different trajectories –

Her mind was already calculating the distance, the rate, the speed – the odds…

"F-f-f-forty!" She gasped.

"Eh? What?" Naruto turned toward the obviously distraught girl, a stack of dead wood dropped from his arms. "What do you see?"

It was amazing to watch how quickly his attitude became professional.

"Forty!"

"Forty what?"

"Forty Rock Nins… I think… their headbands bear the Rock Nin –"  
"Maybe they're a welcome party," Sasuke snorted.

"Forty? I don't THINK so!"

"Sarcasm, Naruto. Learn it," returned the Uchiha, punching his teammate on the arm lightly. "I guess we're going to have a warm up today!"

"Which is why our ANBU were on the move, as I said already," stressed Shino.

"Good work, Hinata! It's a good thing that you are around."

"You say that to Hinata but not to me," grunted the bug user, slightly pissed.

"Eh? What did you say, Shino? You really need to stop mumbling…"

"Listen up, people!" barked Tsunade as she appeared behind the blonde. "We've got no time to waste! Let's turn out a plan in 5 minutes!"

"I lead!"

"NARUTO! STOP HOGGING THE SPOTLIGHT!" yelled Sakura.  
"I'm NOT! I want to get them first!"

"Naruto!" Kiba snarked. "I want a share too!"

"Ehhhh… these brats are way too eager…" muttered Tsunade. "I must be getting old…"

"You finally realized that, Granny?" laughed Naruto.

Tsunade's eyes turned a nasty red.

Naruto fell silent.

"I'll be leading," Tsunade said. "Naruto, Sasuke, Kiba follow my first attack with – Kiba, your most powerful signature jutsu – something with 'oomph'… Naruto, you too – taijutu, ninjutsu, I don't care. Same for you, Sasuke. Some Chidori would be nice. Carve us a path, whatever. Kurenai, Sakura, you flank them with some nice illusions. Shino and Hinata, I want you to bring up the rear. Got it?"

"HAI!" they all cheered.

"We'll whip those asses before they even get near these trees!" Naruto grinned. "You watch! We WON'T LOSE to those SUCKERS!"

The blonde haired Jounin turned around and waved a third finger in the air.

"FUCK YOU ALL TO HELL!"

Sasuke smacked himself on the forehead.

"I swear, it's like he's stuck in his teen years."

"I always thought his maturity was retarded," Shino murmured.

"SASUKE!"

Then – without warning – black figures appeared on the edges of the plain and Tsunade's group ran to meet the nearest set of groups coming in from the north. Hinata and Shino, bringing up the rear, looked at oncoming nins – flanking them – in an attempt to box them.

Up front, the earth shook – Kiba's Double Fang jutsu took out a slower nin – and Naruto's Taijuu Kage Bunshin swamped the oncoming units – somewhere the Rensagen was tossing a Rock nin into the woods he had just left.

A couple of trees fell somewhere, the air filled with the sound of cracking wood.

The dark haired Hinata turned at the sound of a thousand birds chirping – already Sasuke's chidori was charged up and going. Underfoot, earth shook as Tsunade punched a chakra-laden fist into the dirt.

Kurenai was twining an especially long tree branch around one unsuspecting nin, while Sakura used her Cherry Blossom genjutsu combined with a couple of paralyzing needles and a couple of bomb tags –

Dirt, smoke and clanging filled the air –

Hinata's eyes, still activated, could see it all, though – even through the swarm of Shino's little bugs as they fell on a charging nin –

And then one of them was in her face and her palms rose automatically in defense –

She could almost hear her father's voice as she swayed sideways, then down – then hooking around to hit him in the chest –

* * *

"_Hinata – remember your left guard – tch… why are you always so weak? I hope you don't fight like this on mission…"_

"_Look at Hanabi – she's got it right –"_

"_Neji. Show her again. She needs practice."_

_Watch me, Father, _she thought_. Watch me, Naruto!_

* * *

Just as she began to worry about the odds - the two eastern and western flanks of nins were getting too close for comfort - fours blurs landed down softly, around 35 feet away – dark black sleeveless shirts hugging trim, muscular bodies – tight black pants which contrasted with the white leggings, the white armor plating and vest – the ivory bone masks. _

* * *

ANBU. _

_Our backup has come._

* * *

These four, turning, faced off the one team coming from the right, and the two units coming from the left. _

* * *

Will they need my help? _

* * *

She didn't know. Already five Rock Nin had died before her eyes to various katana wounds – there had been no time for sealing. One jumped past the ANBU heading in her direction, several kunai were flying ahead of him – Shino's back was turned – 

Jumping in front of her teammate, Hinata flung her arms out – extending her chakra, sharpening it – cutting the iron in her own personalized Kaiten Whirl.

"Thanks, Hinata," Shino said. "You were the distraction I needed."

The man was screaming – cutting at his wrists as bugs crawled out of his clothing – feeding off his chakra. Hinata ended his suffering with a lethal Jyuuken thrust.

"You are welcome, Shino…" she smiled.

Shino nodded and jerked his head toward the mass of smoke from one of Kiba's bombs.

They could hear Naruto beginning one of his wind techniques, while Kiba backed it up with his Beast Mimicry.

"But let's leave them – our group has gained ground on us – it would not do for their back up – us – to fall behind."

Hinata nodded. The two moved on.

They did not look back.

They had work to do.

* * *

As Naruto kicked the last twitching nin unconscious – Sasuke, jerking his blade out of another nin's back, turned to the Kage.

"Well..." Tsunade sighed, cricking her neck. "That's that." She pulled her fist out of a Rock kunoichi's face and watched the body reel away from her unconscious. "Now -"

"Hey! Can we join them?" asked Naruto waving his arms.

"He still has energy?" Kurenai mumbled.

"You don't?" asked Tsunade, her brown eyes sharp. "Is -"

"It's nothing." Kurenai hastly interrupted.

"Hmph..."

Tsunade's group fell into a momentary silence. The battle WAS over for them - but the young ANBU were still battling three nins. Watching the bomb talismans flying, the graceful twirl of katanas - the young Jounin couldn't help but feel in awe.

ANBU was a very different world - and somewhere -

_Somewhere he's out there, _Sakura thought. _Somewhere he's fighting like this in a dark world. Alone._

"Shino, Hinata," Tsunade's sharp voice broke into the medic's thoughts. "Back up those two - step in, on request only. Okay?"

"Right!" Hinata nodded.

Shino adjusted his sunglasses.

Kiba groaned.

"What about me? We just started! Can I - help THEM?"

He pointed in the opposite direction of the other two ANBU.

"They got SIXTEEN for two! It isn't fair!"

"Please, Kiba-kun..." Kurenai turned to Tsunade. "They'll be fine, right?"

Tsunade frowned.

"Why not? They're ANBU for kami's sake!"

"That's so cool!" Naruto said. "But... ya know... I bet I could be an ANBU - no big deal... 8 nins? Like c'mon! Been there, done that..."

"... mumble... unfair advantage... mumble..."

"Eh? What did you say, Sasuke, you bastard?"

"Joining ANBU? Are you crazy?" Sakura screeched. "You gotta be nuts!"

She paused to watch the two ANBU shinobi -

The medic in her noted the small tears in the lighter haired one's vest - and the black haired one was limping - just a little...

_

* * *

Small scraps were probably due to senbons - the black-haired one is repelling them with a wind defense, but still..._

* * *

She winced as a couple more needles found their mark in the forearm of the lighter haired one._

* * *

That Bear mask though... seems familiar. Can't tell really from this distance..._

_And they've already got 11 down..._

_A bomb no doubt - from the looks of the terrain... _

_A couple look dismembered -_

_Ah! Katana cuts, of course... mmm... Make that 12 down - Four to go -_

* * *

"They'll be fine," Tsunade repeated. "But if Team 7 would like to go as standby - feel free -"

Kiba turned a flushed red.

"Kiba and Kurenai will be my guards."

"WWHHHAAATTT?"

Akamaru whined in disappointment.

* * *

As they neared, Team 7's eyes widened. Simultaneously. Sakura's green ones blinked furiously, batting away tears. Tears of worry and joy. Although Sasuke had frozen momentarily in shock, he had enough sense to grab Naruto who was already lunging forward -

Inwardly, he felt he would do the same -

It was HIM!

The man they had been searching for - agonizing over - rediscovering -

Here he was! With them all the time!

_The irony, _Sasuke sighed inwardly. _Seriously, Tsunade, you're one sadistic old granny_.

Back to back with his dark-haired ANBU mate - Bear - katana in one hand, the other gripping three shuriken -

His arm was a blur as he threw the metal stars - they were easily evaded - the chakra twine was not. As he pulled on them, his pale skin suddenly rippled with muscle - he jerked around. ANBU Bear, as if reading his mind, turned as well - his senbon wind attack decimated two more nins.

Two more to go.

A couple bombs flew through the air - Kakashi-sensei - there was no mistaking that wild grey mop - disappeared after a blur of hand seals -

"Some sort of entrapment jutsu..." Sasuke murmured more to himself.

"Use your Sharingan -"  
"Shhh! Watch!"

ANBU Bear disappeared as well - the bombs fell - the sky was suddenly full of dust, smoke and flying dirt. As the rumble decreased the Rock nin stared at the two craters - and absence of body parts.

"What the hell," one of them said – the other gasped as a hand grabbed his ankle, coming out of the earth – somewhere a voice intoned –

**Earth Jutsu,** **Decapitation!**

Before he knew it, the nin found himself paralyzed - the other, watching his friend fall unconscious, sheathed his tanto blade and disappeared.

Kakashi popped out of the earth, ANBU Bear landed beside him and cocked his mask. They seemed to be in conference about something.

Sakura's sharp eyes didn't miss a thing -

The tears in the her sensei's vest -

_

* * *

That senbon attack!_

* * *

his low chakra -_

* * *

He shouldn't be fighting anymore, he'll - he'll -_

* * *

his disheveled hair -_

* * *

Has he even had a hair cut recently? He looks like shit!_

* * *

super skinny frame -_

* * *

So thin! I don't think he's been eating properly -_

* * *

Andthe fatigued set to hisshoulders._

* * *

Kakashi-sensei! Why - why - why are you doing this?_

* * *

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura's green eyes pooled with tears. Hesitantly she moved forward, Sasuke made no move to stop her.

As he watched the medic move forward, he wondered.

_

* * *

Of us three, it was she who remembered. She who worries most... Is it the mother in her? The medic? The teammate? Or –_

_Or something else..._

* * *

"Sasuke - why doesn't he answer her?"

Naruto's hard voice caused Sasuke to turn toward his volatile teammate. The blonde was standing there, head bowed, fists shaking at his side.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?"

"He's just - I don't know - but -"

Blue eyes rose to fiercely clash with black.

"We WILL drag his ASS back to Konoha and beat some sense into him -"

"Naruto -"

Sasuke paused.

"This is different from last time - he's not doing anything wrong! He's just -"

"Completely FUCKED UP! Look!" Naruto's arms waving in the air suddenly pointed at Kakashi and ANBU Bear as they got to their feet rather stiffly, pointedly ignoring Sakura's tentative approach. "He's just - being a prick and he's hurt and he - he -"

Tears were welling up in the young man's eyes. Sasuke didn't know what to say.

"Naruto."

Sasuke turned to watch Sakura who broke into a run.

"Hey," ANBU Bear barked out. "We're still battling he-"

No sooner did the words leave his mouth - a dark shadow loomed up on Sakura's blind side. Kakashi turning saw her running towards him - guard completely down, with a tanto descending down onto her.

"SAKURA!" Tsunade yelled, brown eyes widening in horror.

"SAKURA!" Naruto jumped forward, followed closely by Sasuke. "Look behind you!"

"SAKURA!" Kakashi barked out, his hands already flowing into a set of seals. "Shunshin no jutsu!"

Sakura turned to look around, her face suddenly blank with fear.

_

* * *

Holy fucking shit._

_I'm such a dumbass..._

* * *

Everything seemed to be tunnelling in - time seemed to slow down - and all she could think was -_

* * *

I deserve to die - but I didn't want to - I just - wanted to say -_

_To you, Kaka-sensei -_

_To say -_

* * *

There was the sound of a tanto burying itself deeply into -

Sakura blinked - opened her eyes just a crack - then they widened in shock -

He was standing there - in front of her - pulling the short sword out of his side -

Warm blood spattered everywhere, flecking across her pale face. The enemy nin stepped back and picked up his short tanto.

"KAKA-SENSEI!" Her scream blew away in the wind of heavy chakra stirring up. The enemy Rock Nin merely laughed, as he reached forward and jerked forward ripping off Kakashi's ivory mask, revealing two dark, mismatched eyes.

"So it's you - the Copy Nin no Kakashi... ha! And here we all thought you died in the war! You think you're the survivor? Perhaps… but I, Kenjiro, will be the one to bury your name!"

ANBU Bear appeared at Kakashi's side.

"Yukio - no -" coughed Kakashi, blood darkened his mask. "The bastard's mine -"

ANBU Bear hesitated and withdrew after a moment's pause.

"S-s-s-s-STOP!" Sakura clenched her fist, rising to her feet. "I can take care of myself!"

"You can take care of yourself, little kunoichi?" The enemy nin chuckled. Leaning forward to look deeply into Kakashi's eye, he whispered. "Beat this!"

Hands blurred as he completed a set of seals.

"SUMMONING NO JUTSU!"

Suddenly, the nin was standing on top of a largish wild cat.

* * *

"What the hell is that?" Kiba asked, sizing up the black and brown striped fur, yellow eyes, tufted ears, short tail and huge claws.

Akamaru barked and dashed forward, Kiba halted him with a sharp, "Heel!"

"A wild cat," Kurenai frowned.

"Geez... what troubles," Tsunade sighed. "These jokers are actually beginning to piss me off - And Naruto -"

* * *

Even from where they were standing, they could hear Naruto yelling -

"ALRIGHT! A SUMMONING BATTLE!"

"No. Naruto. He said that opponent was his - don't step on his toes like that -"

"What - WHAT? He's already had tons of opponents - I had a measly two!"  
"That's not the point!"

* * *

"Kaka-sensei!" Sakura said urgently, laying a small hand on her teacher's arm. It felt cold to the touch._

* * *

So cold._

* * *

"You can't move around! You're going into shock. Kaka - kaka-sensei?" Her words slowed to a stop at the sight of his closed eyes._

* * *

He's meditating at a time like this?_

_Since -_

* * *

Any thoughts were forgotten as the young girl was blown away by the force of strong white chakra. Skidding several yards away, she found her balance with the strong grip of ANBU Bear -_

* * *

Yukio -_

_And so - familiar -_

_Where -_

* * *

She gasped as Kakashi turned - through the hole in his vest, she could see the massive gut wound healing - at an almost scary rate -_

* * *

It's like - Naruto... sort of – more superficial healing, I think – he'll still have to be careful but – still – like Naruto –_

_Except... Kakashi isn't a Jinkuurichi -_

_So -_

* * *

"Has he opened a gate? What's it called – the Heal one – ya know?" asked Naruto. "He did copy Lee's jutsu..."

"Yeah - but that's not just any ordinary gate -" Sasuke's Sharingan flared to life. "I cannot copy this –"

"What's – what's going on?" Naruto darted swiftly – giving the two nin a wide berth – and arrived at Sakura's side. The ANBU stepped aside as Naruto bent over her.

"Are you okay, Sakura-chan?"

"Yeah – but Kaka-sensei – he's –"

"I know," Sasuke said, his Sharingan glinted. "That's no ordinary power up…"

"What's he doing?"

"Summoning." The ANBU said shortly.

"Summoning?" Naruto cocked an eyebrow. "Well… there's that weird old dog –"

"Pakkun," Sakura laughed. "What's –"

"Not Pakkun." The ANBU shook his head. "Watch."

The ground rumbled as the grey-haired Copy Nin slammed his hand into the grass. Black lines radiated outward, a huge billow of smoke appeared.

Slowly the wind blew it aside revealing slowly – huge white paws, strong white legs, a furry belly, a long white tail and body – and then –

Grey-black eyes, huge fangs and alert ears –

A massive wolf hound.

"Holy shit." Sasuke's jaw dropped open.

"THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME!" Naruto jumped up and down. "Look! Sensei's super cool! Cooler than all sensei in the world!"

Sakura just stood there – jaw open, eyes wide – remembering –

* * *

"_How's it going?" she asked._

"_I've been busy…" Kakashi said, gruffly. "I'm sorry I couldn't drop by to see you – I've been that busy – believe it or not…."_

"_No, I believe you," Sakura said with a smile. "I've been run off my feet by Tsunade as well."_

"_Ahhh…. So your training is coming along…" Kakashi said, with a smile._

"_Yeah… I heard you're training extra nowadays too."_

"_Yes, well…. I decided that I should become stronger as well…. So that I'll be able to help you and Naruto bring back Sasuke."_

_Sakura's eyes widened. Then, she smiled in understanding._

"_So. Even Naruto's attitude has affected you," she laughed._

"_Shhhh. It's a secret."_

_Sakura laughed even more._

"_Anyway," Kakashi said, shifting his burden in his arms. "I'm glad that you're doing well. Have you heard about Naruto recently?"_

"_Ummmm…. Jiraiya just sends notes to say that they're surviving and alive. That's about it." Sakura shrugged. "But now that the Chuunin exam is coming up…. Well, I can't help but be caught up in the moment."_

"_Ah ya." Kakashi agreed, remembering the excitement of his first Chuunin Exam._

"_I better let you go," Sakura said, turning to look at her waiting comrades._

"_Yes. I hope you do well. I know you will do well. I know I sometimes don't sound like it but I have faith in you. Did I not always say that you use your chakra more efficiently than most genins?"_

_Sakura's eyes filled with tears._

"_Thanks a lot, Kakashi-sensei."_

_She turned._

"_Sakura."_

"_Yes?"_

"_I'm – sorry."_

_There was a pause._

"_I'm - sorry that – I couldn't –"_

_Sakura turned around, a genuine smile on her face._

"_No, that's fine. What better teacher could I have than Tsunade? If Naruto's being taught by Jiraiya and Sasuke by Orochimaru I better be on the top of my form too! I like you, sensei, but your face is always one that is lacking enthusiasm…."_

_She giggled and then stopped._

"_Who's teaching you?"_

_Kakashi stared. Then smiled._

"_My father, I guess."_

_Then, nodding farewell, he walked down the street._

"_Good luck, Kakashi-sensei!" _

_She called._

_He waved back nonchalantly and then turned the corner._

_His father?_

_

* * *

Kaka-sensei – was this –_

* * *

Sakura didn't know what to think only that – as she watched her sensei and his summoning pin down their opponent –

As the fangs sank into the hissing wild cat – the two opponents rolled to their sides fighting to gain dominance – Kakashi leapt through the air – it was hard to see where he would land – the enemy nin spun around, and jumped to avoid a claw from tearing him apart, only to find himself face to face with Kakashi.

Below the loud sounds of battle – the ground rumbled with some sort of a bomb, there was a faint cheeping sound – fast and hard – and continuous –

_

* * *

The chidori –_

* * *

As the enemy fended off one Kakashi, he realized that he was fighting a clone, quickly, he kicked the clone off him, and prepared a light Earth Shield jutsu, unsheathing his tanto he prepared for the onslaught.

It never came – Kakashi appeared over edge of the now limp cat – the cat poofed away – the nin fell, trying to regain his footing. He turned to face the Copy Nin –

At the very last minute, he swerved to avoid the chidori, letting it graze his arm – burying his tanto up to the hilt in the ANBU's body –

There was a silence. Then a light poof as the body disappeared – and two arms snaked around the enemy nin's waist –

"Checkmate…" whispered Kakashi. "You said something about beating me –'

The enemy nin's body arched as Kakashi's harsh white chakra poured into him.

"Shhh…" The grey-haired ninja crooned. "It'll be over soon –"

"Stop him!" whispered Sakura. "Stop him! Stop it!"

Harsh screams filled the air.

"This isn't –"

"This is your sensei now," the ANBU said in a dark voice. "He belongs to this dark…" He walked over and bent down to pick up the discarded Wolf mask. "This is his face now –"

"No! I refuse – I refuse to believe that!" Sakura said, tearfully.

The pink-haired medic turned and began to run, Sasuke's fingers caught nothing but air. Pushing her chakra to the soles of her feet, she sped up – and halted as a large paw stepped into her path.

"Don't interfere, youngling," a deep voice said.

She jumped at the soft growl.

_

* * *

It talks – well… hello… most summonings do – I just thought –_

_Thought what, Sakura, that this is some illusion – some sort of genjutsu we can all pinch ourselves out of? Some dream? No. This is us – as we are now – and – he's –_

* * *

"He needs me!" Sakura pleaded. "He's – doing that – it's – it's – it's not him! Kaka-sensei must be stopped."

The creature bent his head down and sniffed her, then sighed.

"I cannot stop him – what makes you think you can?"

"Please?"

"You may be hurt…"

"Please? He started this because of me – I – I don't want to lose him because of that –"

"Very well… good luck, little kunoichi."

"Thank you, Mr. Wolf," Sakura bowed.

"It's Lightning's Howl. What's your name?"

"Haruno, Sakura."

"Good luck then, Sakura. Perhaps –"

"What?"

"Perhaps you can find him where I cannot. What is a man who has lost even himself?"

Sakura didn't know what to say. She turned and jumped away - in a few seconds, she arrived close to Kakashi. Without hesitation, she ran up to him, and throwing her arms around his waist, hugged him hard.

"Please – please stop!" she begged. Holding him there, she felt the tremors racing through his body as his chakra ran wildly. Blood was trickling down onto her hands – he had reopened his wounds. As she buried her face into the back of his now dirty white vest, she whispered soft words of comfort – calming words her mother had always used when she would come home from the Academy hurt and upset –

_

* * *

"It'll be okay."_

_"It's okay."_

_"Calm down."_

_"I'm here."_

_"You'll be fine."_

* * *

"Kaka-sensei – please –"

Perhaps it was her voice, perhaps he realized that his quarry was now dead – at any rate, Kakashi let the now heavily burnt corpse go – he jerked away from her arms weakly.

"Kaka-sensei – let me at least look at –"

"BAKA-SENSEI! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING THERE? AND DON'T PUSH SAKURA-CHAN AWAY LIKE THAT! IDIOT! SHE'S BEEN WORRIED!"

Naruto had arrived, dragging Sasuke behind him.

"Naruto," hissed Sasuke. "Let it go –"

"OF COURSE, YOU NEVER –"  
"Shut –" Kakashi interrupted abruptly. "The fuck up."

He began to limp away, ignoring the trio.

ANBU Bear shook his head.

"Get the hell back here!" screeched Naruto. "You're not going to leave without a good talk!"

Kakashi gave him a limp third finger – Naruto apparated in front of him and tried to lay a hand on his sensei –

He got a fist in his gut in return.

"Don't fucking touch me."

Naruto picked himself up after heaving up most of his lunch.

"Don't touch him…" murmured ANBU Bear. "He's always a little feisty after a battle… That's normal."

"Hn. That's just… wrong," Sasuke sighed. "He needs help."

"Don't we all?" asked the ANBU mockingly. "Don't worry. I'll take him home and get him cleaned up and all…"

Sasuke gave the man a sharp look and turned away with disgust.

"Fucking freaks," he muttered.

Sakura was casting appealing looks at the blonde Kage, who was already making her way over to the younger medic.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" Naruto yelled, his eyes had gone a deep red and his fist, glowing red, moved faster than the eye could track. Kakashi went skidding across the grass, a blue bruise already swelling at his cheekbone.

The blonde kitsune never made it to the Copy Nin – a white paw descended between him and the injured ANBU who was staggering to his feet, clasping a bloodied vest in one hand.

"If you wish a battle, Kyuubi, fight me," said the white-haired summoning solemnly. "Otherwise, don't kick another shinobi down while he is injured. It is not – couth, shall we say? Surely you have manners and honor, child? Or respect for you elders?"

Naruto glared and huffed.

But he made no move as Kakashi, using up the last of his chakra, darted into the forest. Lightning's Howl nodded at everyone, bid Sakura a fond farewell and disappeared.

ANBU Bear joined with the other two ANBU and started to chat with them – no doubt discussing the homeward bound trail – the probe was off. Enough information had been gathered – and several men were salvageable.

Rock was definitely hostile. Rock was anti-Leaf. This was no rumor – no genjutsu or lie – it was – war.

* * *

Sakura ran to Tsunade's side.

"I need to find him."

Tsunade looked at her pupil's worried eyes.

"Go," she said simply.

Watching the girl dart after her sensei, Tsunade sighed.

_

* * *

Go, Sakura. But what will you find – what will you find, indeed?_

* * *

Naruto turned away, and then paused at Tsunade's sharp voice.

"WHAT? I can't leave her alone with him – who knows –"

"Just shut up, idiot," Sasuke sighed. "She's what he needs the most. Only a serious moron would hurt a medic. He's not a moron."

"Yes, he is."

"No, he isn't."

"Yes, he is."

"No. He's not stupid, he screwed. There's a difference."

"Splitting fine hairs, are we?"

"Oooohhhh… where did you get that phrase from? Shino?"

"Uhhh…"

"Ha! Well, I'm not! If he was stupid the annual psych test ANBU take would have picked up on his issues – but he wasn't caught so – therefore, he isn't stupid – just very fucked up."

"You got that right," sighed Tsunade.

"Who are we talking about?" asked Kiba.

Akamaruo yipped something.

"Eh? Some thing about somebody who's stupid?"

Sasuke, Naruto and Tsunade gave the boy and his dog an evil look. The two shut up. Shino twitched, shifting his sunglasses ever so slightly, and, finding a scouting bug, he sent it off after the pink-haired kunoichi.

If anything, he would be the responsible one and ensure the care of his team…

* * *

"N-n-n-naruto-kun… are you okay?" whispered Hinata. "That ANBU hit you for some reason…"

"EH? Oh me? I'm okay! Although…"

He paused.

"I'm a little hungry now…"

Hinata gurgled, Kurenai laughed, Tsunade's brow twitched.

"Okay! Clean up duties!" She snapped, waving her arms. "Let's get some reconnaissance done here, people! Move it! I want to be out of here in two hours!"

"But it's going to be dark soon!"

"Shut up, Naruto!"

**(whack, whack)**

* * *

"Ahhh…" Makoto nodded, watching the blonde Kage beat on the young Jounin. "I see where the little monstrous kunoichi got it from – her leader…"

"The side of the Kage I never wanted to see…" Ichiro shuddered. "Such monstrous strength…"

"From such an old hag," Yukio nodded. "She's pushing for sixty? Seventy?"

"No WAYYYY!" Makoto blinked. "She's still got a young genjutsu on her…"

"I knew those breasts couldn't be real…" Ichiro sighed. "Only in Icha Icha do you –"

"I don't want to know." Makoto interrupted. "Let's get going on this."

* * *

Sasuke watched Naruto, grumbling, pick up a corpse and heave it near a pit Akamaru and Kiba were digging. He turned to look into the forest, deep in thought._

* * *

Sakura. Be there for us. This is our only chance to –_

_To what? Drag him out of ANBU when he's clearly borderline suicidal?_

_I just don't know anymore what –_

* * *

"She'll be fine," a soft voice said.

Sasuke nodded at Kurenai's words.

"She's taking a chance, I see. Not a bad thing," the red-eyed genjutsu expert continued. "I never would have believed this – but it says something if you guys are this serious about him…"

"We are… but even then – some things… can't be chanced."

"Eh?"

"You must be more careful," Sasuke said quietly, as he turned away. His voice was barely audible in the dusk evening. "In a couple of months, you'll be showing – it's best then, to keep your chakra flow well regulated."

"How did you –"

Sasuke, walking away, never answered her. Kurenai watched him join Hinata and Shino as they checked out several unconscious men.

_

* * *

Kakashi._

_With the healing care of Sakura, the passion of Naruto and the discernment of Sasuke – you don't really stand a chance, do you?_

_Kaka-sensei.

* * *

_

**NEXT UP: "Won't Let Go"**

**Sakura and Kakashi. Genma and Raido. Hinata and Naruto. Sasuke and Lyra. What does the past and the future hold for them? And where does Yukio fit in?**


	23. Heal These Unraveled Threads: Part 1

TO ALL MY REVIEWERS OLD AND NEW:

ARIGATOU! THANK YOU!

Without your encouragement, this book (and it is a novel) wouldn't be the epic it is today!

If you haven't reviewed yet, and enjoy it, send me line, I like to hear from new people! Such small payment for free entertainment!

* * *

_Fur all over: Yeah… it's kind of a tragic story – but it'll have a happy ending – that I promise you! I'm glad you enjoyed!_

_Blood Renevant: I'm glad you liked. This isn't going to have any surprising character deaths… I've never tried a 'death of Naruto' story – is that where Naruto dies or all the characters die or something? Hmmm…seems like you had a bad experience writing something! I guess I'm cheesy since I write what people like (and therefore get more reviews)… aren't I mercenary?_

_Snowfall: Yeah… poor Yukio fits nowhere… oh well. As for Sasuke and Lyra… yeah… their relationship is one of my (MANY) sub-plots – so keep an eye out! You'll definitely hear more. But to date: Lyra is a Gekkou – and she's the one who's been honing Sasuke-kun's swordsmanship! Hahaha!_

_Emerald lady: A lot of my readers say they'll go psycho unless they get the next chapter. It warms my heart – and makes me write faster. Hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_Jennjennr: Glad you liked the fight! Your review was encouraging since that scene was very tough for me to write. As for your impression… v.v.v. close – not quite though… but close. Lightning's Howl, I surmise, (even I'm not sure of the details…) is Kakashi's soul. That is to say, Kakashi's soul of light. All that represents goodness. Before Kakashi, there was no Lightning's Howl – so the summoning is unique to him alone. As for your other thoughts… v. interesting guesses… but hopefully you'll not be disappointed with the answers. (the above was a freebie, hahaa!) Thanks for reviewing and telling me how much you enjoyed this fic!_

_Subakun-sensei: Yes. Confrontations. Actually… I hate confrontations. Do you remember the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Toy Story? "I hate confrontations!" That's me. But in a family of 10 kids, it's kinda hard to live without them. So… I'm glad you liked the various clashes. Hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_Mahoakittie: oh yes.. the angst! Hahaha! It's like saying, "The horror! The horror!" (cough) At any rate, Kurenai preggers is interesting, but I like Shino more. He's so funny – in a really dry kind of way. Like the whole attitude he gets in the post-time-skip (PTS for short) – "You recognize him, Naruto… but not me…" It's like, he's got a whole soap opera and 'tude and everything but nobody's noticed the change… I feel he's static… wonder if I could change that…_

_Inquisitive: wow. You're so on the ball it's scary! Hahaha! It's yep, yep and yep to all of your surmising! Basically. Yes, Kakashi has over-submerged his good personalities to cope with the war and stuff that happened to him and stuff he had to do… and yes, Sakura seems to be the only one to draw him out 'successfully'… I say successfully since Yukio does draw out a Kakashi – but which one – and what are the long-term consequences to that? Yukio started out as a bad guy with good intentions – and then became a lot more complicated and skewed as I got to know him more… because I like to keep SOME things open ended and that is the characters – when Tolkien and Rawlings talk about meeting their characters, I know exactly what they mean. Just today (Aug 8th) I met the arch-villain. I knew there was an arch-villain but I wasn't sure who it was… now I know. Now I sound schizo so I'll stop talking. Oh yeah… Ichigo and Makoto… my pet anbu! Ha! Just random OCs that grew into bigger people than I imagined. And they're not leaving yet!_

_Sabireru: I'm squealing with you! ANBU!Kakashi is so hot. Totally. And I wish we could see more of that in Naruto… all we've got to date are those short clips of ANBU!Kakash in the 1st movie (when he rescued the Snow Princess). (which I watch over and over and over and over again…) thanks for the compliments! Hope you enjoy this KakaSaku-ness!_

_Shadow Dragon Boss: hahaha! Yeah… I'm not into gratuitous, pointless swearing – but I think my characters when stressed should show it appropriately! Hahaha! Although sometimes when people are like, "God!" I'm like… umm… ninjas wouldn't have a context for that – so my nins say things like 'For kami's sake –" which just sounds frigging funny… anyway… the joys of writing in canon and yet keeping it intense! Ha! KakaSaku – coming right up! Hope you enjoy!_

_ANBU-Nightblink: THANKS SO MUCH! I'm so flattered. Seriously. It was a really cool pic (as I mentioned on DEVart). I don't do a lot of original stuff… I prefer coloring things in! hahaha! But I'm glad you're enjoying my Hatake Cycle! It's been a long journey for me and you can see that as time passed by, I've improved. I think… (shifty-eyed) With that said:_

**

* * *

**

EVERYBODY! PLEASE STOP and check out ANBU-nightblink's profile for the link (it's her homepage link) to her DEVart!

**She did this cool pic of Kakashi in LH-mode. V. intense!**

**Remember! I love to see artwork and stuff like that – so go ahead and knock yourselves out (as long as you mention GL) – send me links and I'll pimp them!**

* * *

_Darkflameangel: Glad you're enjoying it despite the cliffies I'm inflicting on you guys! Hahaha! Hmmm… I'll go round live journal and check it out – I'm afraid I forget unless I put it on my Internet to do list – alas, my internet time is quite limited – 1 time a week… I have to do everything at a 3 dollar/hr café… I'll check out the stuff you suggest as well (when I get the time). To be honest, I'm really busy wading through FMA, Bleach, Blood+ and other stuff – like Saiyuki, Trinity Blood, Loveless… anyhoo.. thanks for the beta-reading offer… I might take that into consideration one of these days… school? Yeah. Me too. Back to school in September! Which I'm so looking forward to! (I'm such a nerd…) It's the cool weather… here in south Ontario we are STEAMING UP with all this DAMN humidity! It drives me nuts! Are you in high school or secondary? (if you don't mind me asking)_

_Stoictimer: yeah I know… Kurenai pregnant… what can I say? Naruto though is very easy to write that it kinda gets boring – but it also is tough to get the right blend of angst and humor that comes with Naruto… one minute he's farting, the next, he cheering somebody on to do the right thing, the next minute he's angsting over his bad childhood… yeah… and that's what Naruto needs. Swearing. Although, the Hellsing anime swearing with those two bad vampire-chip dudes was kind of over the top… so yeah…_

_Sokerfreek922: Yeah… the fact the others aren't lifting a finger is interesting – but you watch – Naruto – Team 7 are going to stir up the village before long… I think… (checks plot again)… I think the other Jounin are ho-hum about it because it happens – like a casuality in the war – and they're trying to rebuild their own lives – on the other hand, we've got Genma, Iruka and Ibiki showing more concern… I'm weird… I think it's a plot hole… what do you think? (goes off to bite nails)_

_I Can't Believe I'm Not Anime: thanks for clearing that up – I always get confused. But in retrospect, I don't think positions matter in their relationship – it's more about succumbing to animal needs. I think. There's no romance – at least on Kakashi's part. Yukio is too screwed to be considered romantic – but is he aware of what he's missing out on? Love? Yeah… I think so… I love Hinata. She's so like me – she was the one I identify the most with – lots of expectation, eldest girl in a very respectable family, shy, in love with an extrovert… even darker haired and wearing baggy clothing… (except I'm not pretty like she is…) at any rate.. Shino does need hugs… I don't know what to do with him… geez… now I can't leave him alone… (sighs and goes back to her plot lines)_

_Kokis: The fact you reviewed and said that it was awesome is the reviews I like to see! Yes, Kakashi is kinda horrible in the way he's hurting himself. But I'm glad that you can see beautiful images in your head (that's what's driving this story). Hope you enjoy this Kaka-Saku-ness!_

_Sanity through Madness: What's a fanlisting? (very unaware) Hmmm… you are too kind to notice the conventions for me! Toronto in September is my key! Mom and Dad said I could go! YAYYY! (yes, at 24, I still like to let my parents know…) To be honest, they're really sweet seeing as I'm probably going to go by myself… (eeekkk!) But I WILL be brave and go! My bro says he might go with me – so maybe that'll work out ok! THANKS FOR THE PICS! I LOVED ALL OF THEM! (especially the Rock Lee, the KakaSaku and… was it, Haku? Yes…) The Jesus dude… whoa… (blink) okay… Hopefully you'll find this chapter worth the wait! Until next time!_

_sakura'n'saber: Glad you enjoyed this and all the little things I'm trying to weave in! Hope you enjoy this chapter - it's starting to get complicated! KakaSaku forever!_

_hanabi jou: not sure if you got this far to read my reply, but here goes! I hope you enjoy this story, little errors or not. To be honest, I've not yet got any handy-dandy data book to read from! alot of background stuff is made up or gleaned from internet sources. I wish there was an english data book handy that I could read, but all I've got is in Chinese (?), Japanese (?), I don't know... anyway, thanks for letting me know, I think that's a cool inspiration for a one-shot!_

_kittycatcharm: oh you went to a con? do send the piccies along! I like con pics! It makes me want to go to one (probably the Toronto one this sept)... yeah, hopefully you'll like this chappie - and unfortunately, yeah, I've been doing my own beta-reading b/c this story is too adult for my younger sister who like to read my stuff... zuzu, ko and gen-gen are my fav ninja after kashi... I think they show up in the next 2 chappies (something for you to look forward to!) and zuzu and ko get their own sub-plot(s)! hahaha! Love zuzu more tho, but I torture him in this fic!_

_sakurabell: Sakura grabs onto people alot (so does Naruto) as Kakashi said in the Chuunin exam, Sakura and Naruto are alot alike - whereas, the other equation is Sasuke and kakashi who are more touch me nots (which would make sense as to why pairings b/w Sakura and Kakashi work well). And yes, I do incorporate the whole 'stop - please stop' 'don't go' thing into Sakura's personality. i'd see her doing that kind of thing. it's kinda cute, i think... i think... geez... yeah... _

_hana megami: thanks for emailing me the rest of your review! so touching! seriously! just curious does 'idi-sama' refer to me as in, idiot-sama? if so, very cute!haha! love it! ahem! I'm glad you're enjoying the soap opera-ish complex relationships b/w people in this fic - and yes, chap 23 and 24 will deal more with the relationships b/c things have to move forward in some sort of a direction! and it's sort of a challenge to incorporate all the next steps for the plots within conversations and stuff... (hint hint) Tsunade thus is the mover and shaker and different things happen b/c of different people! hope you enjoy! until next time!_

* * *

LOVED THE 2ND Movie! (but no Kakashi, sadly) Although Gaara was cool….

So cute!

* * *

Ahem… anything else… ummm… I don't think I mentioned this before, but for those who've been with me since the beginning of the fic, you all know how apprehensive I was about exams and school and all that since it had been a while since I was in university – well… good news! My marks were above and beyond what I expected!

2 Cs, 2 Bs and 5 As! I'm so happy!

I do not own Naruto. Sadly… but hopefully the Gaiden's coming soon, so that'll be good!

* * *

_OH YEAH! Check out my profile to see my artwork for GL:_

_In the Graveyard_

_Behind the Chainlink Fence_

_2 Battle plans_

* * *

**WARNINGS:**

**Some swearing, perhaps… and FLUFF! Ha!**

**Song lyrics: Yuki Kajiure's "Cynical World"**

**Go download it if you've not heard it! It's very good!**

* * *

Chapter 23

Heal These Unraveled Threads

Part I

Part 1: Joy in Pain

_**Here we stand**_

_**In ravishing rain**_

_**Joy is like pain**_

_**It feels like a miracle**_

* * *

As her sandaled foot met the tree bough with a soft thud, Sakura, looking into the dense foreboding woods, couldn't help but shiver. 

In front of her lay brambles, vines, clouds of insects and somewhere, a leaf rustled as a couple of lizards slithered down a broken tree limb. The silence was -

_Doom? Hate?_

She didn't know - but she drew back - suddenly uncertain.

Looking back, through the broken brambles she had pushed through -

_As if from a different world -_

From far away, she could hear Tsunade's familiar bellow - Naruto was huddled in the grass, cradling a swollen lump forming on his head. Sasuke jerked away and looked off into the distance with folded arms - body language screaming - "I SO do NOT know them!"

Just watching her partners' antics, strengthened her resolve.

_If he's out there alone - and he is - he's alone, hurt - wounded - in a dangerous wilderness -_

Jumping carefully onward, keeping her senses alert, Sakura considered her sensei.

_Wilderness, huh... in some ways, his heart is like that, too..._

As she moved along, deeper and deeper, the pink-haired Jounin began to feel as though she were -

_As if I'm buried alive - UGH! That creepy-crawly is just - just tooo CREEPY! AHHH!_

Swiping a web off of her face, Sakura decided to ascend further up and scout from a higher position.

_Bugs are so gross! I will NOT scream! Chin up, Sakura! You're a Jounin now - bugs shouldn't be a problem -_

Batting away at a couple of moths, Sakura moved on, focusing hard on her surroundings. Her green eyes widened as she sensed a weak chakra flare up ahead to the right.

Speeding up, Sakura burst into a small clearing - a tiny sheltered hill - tall trees looming over it with shady boughs - and around the gentle curve of its base flowed a quietly chattering river.

It was a bit of a shock to her - to hear such a cheery sound - and following it around the hill, pushing past a largish brambly hedge, Sakura found a shaded waterfall pouring out of a tiny outcropping.

Here, where the soft sunlight filtered its golden rays through the pale green trees, Sakura felt a different kind of calm.

_It's so - peaceful - and -_

With the arching boughs of the great trees, it seemed as if it were a bower - a safe room -

_Safety. Calm._

Sakura smiled as she looked at the delicate blue flowers that blossomed alongside the mossy rocks. Running her fingers along the fragile petals, it remindered her of a butterfly. As she turned slowly, trying to gain her bearings, the pink-haired medic froze at the sight of a black-gloved hand draped over the large roots of a tree.

Darting around the large tree, the tender-hearted girl gasped at the sight of her sensei -

_Not my sensei really anymore -_

Lying there - barely conscious. Through his fingers, blood oozed slowly, as his lax hand covered the reopened scars of his newly healed injury.

"Kaka-shi..."

He stirred weakly at the sound of his name - his one grey-black eye (now black with fatigue) fluttered open. She drew back with a gasp.

_Kakashi - you're - you're - his pupil is - slitted - what - what the -_

"S-s-s-sakura," He whispered. "Go - go away -" And when she did not move - "why -"

He stopped, mesmerized as she relaxed - and raised her hand to his face.  
"Shhhh..." She hushed him gently, caressing his thin face through the black cloth mask.

_He feels so bony..._

"It's okay," Sakura choked back her tears.

_I must be strong. Now! For him!_

"It's okay," she repeated. "I'll - I'll just look at this -" Carefully, she moved his hand away, unzipping his vest and quickly cutting his sleeveless black tank top away. "Water - I'll need to get some. Don't move."

"Hn. Highly -" HIs breath hitched in pain as he tried to shift upward. "Unlikely."

"Baka-sensei! What're you doing! I told you not to move! Geez! You're no better than Naruto!"

With that, the Jounin medic turned away and finding a close spot dipped a canteen from her back pack into the cool water.

* * *

Watching his ex-student, now top notch medic stomp off, Kakashi felt something pull in his gut - something stir - something - 

His lips for one moment twitched upward, but his chuckle ended with the taste of blood in his mouth. Things got hazy - and he saw her -

It had always been her, bending over him - nobody else -

It only seemed right that she be here now - but -

She was in no position to help him - she swayed toward him - blood trickling down from the corners of her mouth, dripping off her chin - her bright eyes dead -

_

* * *

Dead - _

* * *

"Rin." _

* * *

No. _

* * *

Making her way back, Sakura noted his breathy gasps, glazed eyes and soft grunt of pain - falling to her knees beside him, casting aside the canteen, she laid hands on his torn stomach. 

"Kakashi - can you hear me?" she asked urgently, as she started to heal him. "Damn... I should've left the water for later... Damn it! Kakashi! C'mon! Answer me!"

His eyelids fluttered open for a moment - gazing past her shoulder - or somewhere in the vicinity of her face - he seemed to be smiling - and then his face filled with horror.

"Rin!"  
"Kakashi." Sakura whispered softly.

_

* * *

His dead teammate - she was a medic... is that - hallucinations - that's what! Get your act together or you'll be losing the one thing you cared about to a minor stomach injury... okay... not so minor but - _

* * *

Extending her chakra, gently reaching down past the skin, torn muscles and pulled tendons, the experienced medic winced at the definite organ damage - the chakra wasn't flowing as it should either. _

* * *

Not good. _

* * *

Without a word, Sakura carefully pulled her sensei down flat on his back. 

Carefully, she laid out a healing jutsu scroll across his bared chest, sighing at the sight of his skinny frame and sharp collarbones. With her chakra activating the scroll by one hand, she carefully snipped off several long strands of grey hair. Quickly, she placed one bunch of ends over the gaping wound; the other ends met the center of the scrolls seal.

Concentrating extra hard, Sakura fully started the seal, and her chakra flowed through the seals, down the hair to the wound. Minutes passed by as the young medic rebuilt the damaged organs using the DNA information from the hair and the scroll. Slowly, but surely, the wound began to close - the muscles began to smooth out and connect - the tendons reattached - and the skin grew back. Eventually, she sat back on her heels, cricking her neck with a sigh of satisfaction.

_

* * *

It's gone well - all things considering - I really should be doing this in a sterile room with at least five other people but - I guess that summoning's chakra is still in effect - maybe - kami knows what that power up does for him - his eyes are - _

* * *

It didn't bear thinking on. 

Gingerly, she leaned forward - there was no reaction from him - he just lay there -

Running her fingertips down his shoulders to his slim waist, Sakura pressed as much warmth as she could into his cold body.

Still no response. Just a fraction - a tiny part of him seemed to relax. A bit.

Lifting up one eyelid, she checked out his pupil - the black was slowly widening into a circle. She bit her lip, undecided, then slowly, she moved her hand - over the straight bridge of his nose -

A hand rose to grab her wrist, halting her - fingertips resting still on THAT eye - that eye -

Sakura could still remember that first C-Rank, Team 7 took -

_

* * *

So long ago - Kakashi - raising his hitae ate in order to fight Zabuza - we didn't know what to expect - and then - _

_We didn't even know the importance of Sharingan bck then - but it sounded cool - cooler than an empty socket - which is what I thought it was for - some gross reason - I don't know - and then, there was Naruto._

_"That's sooo cool! Wow! Our sensei is super awesome!"_

_Awesome. Yes. But also dangerous._

* * *

"Sakura -" 

Sakura's eyes met a mismatched pair - now quite awake.

"Kaka-sensei! You feeling better?"

He blinked.

"Yes."

A pause, then he grunted reluctantly, as his full senses returned to him - and a fraction of his strength. She helped him sit up a little, with her sleeping blanket roughly positioned behind him for comfort.

"Thanks."

"It's the least I could do - especially in return for covering our ass like that, I'd forgotten -"

She stopped.

_

* * *

Forgotten. That sounds bad - it's so - so cold... _

* * *

"What." 

"Eh?"

"What had you forgotten?" he asked dryly.

"Oh!" Sakura blushed, feeling stupid and - super uncool. "Just that you could do such awesome things like - I didn't know you 'd gotten a summoning like that - I mean - I know you've got the other hunting nin dogs - but I didn't know you'd gotten something like HIM - I liked him - he's nice. Lightning Howl, right? Alot different from Pakkun, huh?"

Kakashi blinked at his nervously babbling ex-student.

"Yeah..."

Sakura blushed a deeper red as she realized her idiotic behaviour; without further comment, she poured water over a cloth and washed off her sensei's -

_

* * *

EXTREMELY TONED - _

-sigh-

_Torso._

_SAKURA! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! BAKA!_

_Why not? _asked her demonic Inner Self. _There's no harm in looking at a handsome man - especially when he's helpless under your hands -_

_That's. Just. Wrong... _whimpered Sakura.

* * *

Her hands deftly began the bandaging process - her face schooled to betray none of her thoughts but Kakashi's quiet sigh of contentment caused her to realize that this was probably the first time in a long time that he'd got such considerate care. 

Suddenly, she felt -

_

* * *

She was on a rapid river - the stream was pulling her farther and farther away - _

* * *

"I wonder - does Pakkun still use that shampoo?" She attempted to break the silence. _

* * *

I don't want him to curl back up in his shell - but - I don't want to scare him away either... What to do? _

* * *

"Ah... I think so - I don't really have them around that much..." 

Sakura didn't respond to that for a minute.

_

* * *

So he's abandoned everyone, huh? _

* * *

Forcing a smile to her face, Sakura thought about the small pug. A tiny dog with a weird sense of humor, wise views, a hidden (but big) heart and undying loyalty. _

* * *

Kind of like his master... I guess... _

* * *

"Now, Lightning Howl-san is much, much more respectable!" Sakura said, trying to keep a poker face. "Pakkun always ranted on and on about his soft and bouncy paws - like that new seller downtown advertising his silk kimonos - or something!" 

It was a lame joke - but Sakura's giggles died as she realized that for once Kakashi's eyes had curved in happy crescents, his mask moving - she supposed, as he grinned.

For a couple of seconds, their eyes met and then, the moment was broken as his slid sideways.

"We've been missing Pakkun - and you -"

Another silence.

Sakura poured some water into the canteen top-turned-cup and held it out for him - averting her eyes from his face, she busied herself with packing up her small med kit. She continued in a whisper, eyes fastened on her kit buckle -

"Especially you."

On impulse she turned toward him, drawing her knees closer to his side.

He sighed.

Then, in a low voice:

"Why?"

Sakura blinked a bit - at loss - she focused suddenly a black glove holding out the cup.

_

* * *

What a question! What kind of a question is that? How does one answer - _

* * *

It was too hard to verbalize. 

"Do you know why the sky is blue? The sun is yellow and rises always in the east and sets in the west? Why water is blue yet transparent? Why clouds are heavy with rain yet soar in the sky?"

Kakashi shifted.

"Hmmm... if you read a scientific book -"

"I can't explain - it is that - it is that - that natural - how could one not?"

"Easily enough."

"How can you say that?"

"I've been saying that for five years..."

She watched his gloved hand fiddle restlessly with a couple blades of grass. Her face hidden by pink bangs falling forward - he couldn't see - he didn't know how the green and the black blurred together.

"Because you're an important person to us - because - because -"

She faltered, suddenly, tears tracking down her cheeks.

"Because I - we - love you."

"Tch."

Sakura gulped down the rest of her tears, wiping her face suddenly, feeling rather ashamed of her outburst. Her sigh was wobbly with emotion - her shoulders shaking with slight gasps.

Kakashi sighed, feeling – for the first time in a long time – like a jerk.

"Sakura... sorry... I -"

"You're hurting yourself. Maybe you can't see - but you're changing - for the worse -"

"Hn. I don't -"

"You never raise your face to the sun - you hide away - you hide away like a child in a closet - no, that's just not it - you hide yourself away WITH all those other things that drag you down - I - we - just want to be there for you - to help you carry those burdens. Like you did for us."

"I didn't do anything - I was the most fucked up sensei in Konoha's sensei history. Ask anyone."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"Yeah. Mine were just bigger than others -"

"We don't see it that way - you once told us - do you remember that day - that day when you stood there before us - right before that Chuunin Exam -"  
"Geez... that - don't even go there..."

"Yeah, I know. Years later, and people say it still was a bad thing you entered us in - that it was just rivalry between you and Gai -"

Kakashi snorted derisively.

"That's what I think too. You told us - I remember it still - you said - that we were your proud team - and then - when it all fell apart and the boys were gone, I said to you - and we say to you - you are OUR proud sensei. Nobody else will do. We miss you. Tardiness, perviness, lack of excitement and all."

Sakura sighed.

"Well... that's all I wanted to say -"

"No scolding?"

"No scolding. I think you get enough shit in your life already - you don't need anymore."

Kakashi scratched his head, deep in thought.

"Sakura... I'm -"

She looked up -

He sighed.

"I'm sorry - I just - "

"You gotta work this out on your own," Sakura finished his sentence for him; she grinned at his wide eyes. "Yeah... I've gotten wise too, these past years - I see tons of shit around now - tons of people come to me for help to deal with their fucked up lives. It's no big deal. I guess, I make a big deal over you because I feel you've put a lot into my life. It's hard being the only ninja in a civilian family - I didn't have a lot of support, really... and you - when you were there for me - at the Chuunin Exam and all, well... I guess, I feel that - I want to be there for you." Her hands gently gripped his thin shoulders. "That's all."

"Sakura..."

His husky voice drew her -

_

* * *

Is it his lonely eyes? The eyes of a child who lost his mother so early? His father, killing himself in his study - and he walked in and - what have those eyes seen? _

_I see - I see a lost boy -_

* * *

It only seemed natural then to draw him then into a rather awkward hug. He was tenser - stiffer than the tree behind his back - he obviously wasn't used to the human contact - 

It only broke her heart more.

Slowly, he melted into her tightened embrace - his masked face buried itself into her neck, breathing in the mixed scent of blood, sweat - and a trace of some imported perfume...

_

* * *

She's a lady now, too... Kakashi thought. __She's grown up. She's no longer my little unstable Sakura... She's got a life of her own to pursue - not hang around me as a student - she -_ Kakashi thought.

* * *

His hands found her waist - but any resolve to push her away melted at her warmth - _

* * *

Why is she here? Wasting her time with me? _

* * *

He didn't know. Didn't want to question. It'd been so hard - _

* * *

It's been so hard - to walk this alone - and she is so - so - _

_Warm._

* * *

There, underneath the trees, they sat - leaning into each other comfortably, sharing warmth - a warmth that grew between them - a soft flower - petals blooming outward as it turned toward the face of the sun - a piece of life - a storehouse of memories - 

**On missions - trying to lighten up Sasuke - trying to get his attention - saving Naruto from his own idiocy - hitting Naruto over the head - relaxing around a stream one time on the way home from a day out on a farm - creeping up on Kakashi, trying to grab his book out of his hand - beating Kakashi by spoiling his newest Icha Icha plotline - watching him walk away, alone, with Pakkun, carrying shopping bags in his arms, wondering - _what's he stocking up for? A storm? _- watching Sakura, coughing up blood, as the bastard beat her up in the Chuunin exam, wondering - _why didn't I spend more time with her? Why did I abandon her - allow her to be _- and then even now - she had been there - at his mother's grave, preparing an offering for the dead - doing something for him, something he should have done - a child abandoned and who abandons - _what do I do to deserve this - this healing that she gives to me - for free _- Kakashi - falling forward, beaten and battered, exhausted - remembering a time of death, even as he stood there bleeding - _what had brought him there? What had brought him - but a strong link to the past _- he always hung around the memorial...**

Sakura pulled away slightly, to lean her forehead against his - their arms still wrapped around each other -

"Don't leave us," she whispered. "You can't leave us to be alone - surely - you know what that feels like -"

Kakashi looked undecided, then nodded slowly.

"I promise. I won't leave you."

"Good. I'd miss your unenthusiastic face if you did something stupid and died."

"I may look unenthusiastic but I'll have you know that I'm still a ninja!"

She giggled at his mock outrage - he chuckled quietly, too.

"KAKASHI!" A husky voice burst their bubble.

Kakashi pulled away, suddenly uncertainly. It tore at Sakura's heart to see it - the withdrawal, the burial - the -

_

* * *

ANBU is a tomb. _

* * *

She remembered Ibiki saying it one time. To Genma. The senbon had twitched upward in agreement. Sakura shuddered at the truth. _

* * *

You're right, Ibiki. It takes men, it buries their self-confidence, it buries their self and their love - no, no one can destroy love - it destroys their ability to show it - he's like a flower, Ibiki - how can we send a fragile flower and bury it underground? _

_I leave him now and -_

* * *

Sakura's heart filled with desperation - she grabbed his hand - _

* * *

Don't go - don't change - don't - don't forget - _

* * *

Yukio burst into the clearing and halted at the sight of Kakashi struggling to his feet - his black gloved hand pulling out of Sakura's resisting one. 

His hand - held by -

Yukio's face clouded behind his mask.

_

* * *

DAMN THE FUCKING BITCH! _

* * *

Struggling to keep his inward anger inside - _it won't due to pull a hissy fit in front of her - she'll guess _- Yukio merely glared in her direction, while holding out ANBU Hounds white mask. Kakashi took it silently and slipped it on, turning away, without a by your leave. _

* * *

It's like, watching two personalities - _

* * *

Sakura felt frightened, but kept her face solemn as she followed the men back to the plain. _

* * *

ANBU are just plain screwed up. Why do we even HAVE them? I really gotta ask Tsunade this... No wonder they have all these psychosis... damn... _

* * *

The plain suddenly came into view - fighting past the last brambles that clung to her hair, Sakura felt a heaviness in her gut as she watched Kakashi's back recede from her.- his vest tight on his narrow frame, now zipped up - the ANBU katana strapped to his back again - 

"Kakashi -"

He paused at his voice, turning ever so slowly.

ANBU Bear folded his arms and sighed in annoyance audibly.

Inner Sakura gave him a third finger (mentally).

"Be careful," she said in her most snobbiest medic voice. "I don't want to have to do a good job twice. Take it easy on the way home. I'm assuming we're not going any further -" She pointed at Tsunade's group now beginning the trek back across the plain.

Naruto and Sasuke were hesitating - obviously waiting for her - and ogling the sight of Kakashi and ANBU Bear.

"And - Kakashi -" Her voice was reedy with uncertainty.

_

* * *

So young - so vulnerable - _

* * *

Kakashi, banishing the thought quickly, turned, ready to spring away. _

* * *

The river was flowing rapidly - and she was pulling away - _

* * *

"Kakashi. Don't forget -" Her whisper traveled on the wind to him. _**

* * *

You can't turn back **_

_**You're in chains**_

* * *

He gave a tiny nod and darted away. _**

* * *

You can't turn back **_

_**You're in chains**_

_**Never again**_

_**Return from a cynical world**_

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke made no move as the two ANBU passed them in a blur. 

"Kaka-sensei..." the blonde kitsune whispered.

"It's okay," Sasuke said. "She's smiling."

"She's crying."

"But she's smiling too. It's okay."

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled as their medic teammate came up to them. "Are you okay? The idiot didn't do anything to you, did he?"

Their teammate shook her head.

"No... he promised. He won't forget."

Sasuke turned to wach the four ANBU disappear ahead of them into the mountains.

"He won't forget." The dark-haired Uchiha sighed. "He won't forget? Tch. He never does. That, is his problem."

Sakura said nothing - just twirled a blue flower in her fingers – deep in thought.

_He loves me._

_He loves me not._

_He loves me?_

_

* * *

Waking up is the hardest part, he thought, as he inhaled the rank hospital odor (he always hated it) - it was that sterile smell, that powdery smell - and the bright florescent lights - and the squeaks of the nurses' shoes didn't help it either. _

_Waking up is the hardest._

_Especially when there's nobody to wake up to -_

A grin spread itself crookedly across his face as brown hair, brown eyes and a scar popped into view suddenly.

"You're awake?"

"Like hell…"

"What?"

"It's like hell -"

"You're in pain? I'll call the nurse! Right away! Just hold on!"

Genma sighed and rolled his eyes.

Then winced…

_Ouch, ouch…_

"No… I'm fine…"

"You look like shit."

"Who doesn't - in a hospital bed?"

There was a thoughtful silence at the thought.

_

* * *

It would have been nice to think that hospital visits weren't common - but in war, the hospital became your home - you were in and out so often, they'd have revolving doors just for you - _

* * *

Raido sighed at that morose train of thought. _

* * *

Well… it's that recklessness of yours really - it just gets you into trouble… _

* * *

"What's with that sigh?" 

"Nothing. I just think that you should think more before you act."

"You always were the cautious one… slowpoke."  
"Ha! Haste makes waste…"

"Now you sound like that weird Aburame kid -"

"Ouch. Did I deserve that?"

"You ask me."

They lost their banter when they took stock of their surroundings, though - it was a small room with an open window - a light breeze played with the thin curtains.

"It's one fugly room," sighed Genma, pointing a finger weakly at the pukish green walls.

_

* * *

So eloquent, Raido thought. _

_It reminds me of that golden afternoon… when we both woke up - we had been fighting those Sound monsters and then -_

_There was nothing but regrets and wishes and the dark -_

_And Genma calling my name._

_Like I was something special. _

_It was sweet - to hear my name on his tongue - especially since I'd been missing him. He and Hana had been together a lot before then and there'd been no room for a third wheel… ha… as Genma says, ménage a trios is one person too much…_

_Well… I opened my eyes and - there he was watching me with solemn eyes across the room in a matching bed._

_Where'd he get a senbon?_

_That was my second thought…_

_And then._

"_You came back."_

_I didn't know what to say - so I went with gut instinct and said:_

"_I heard you calling my name."_

_Genma dipped his head and clamped hard on his senbon._

"_I don't want you to leave. Ever."_

_He paused and then, groaning, shifted himself off the bed and onto his feet. I watched in concern as my honey-haired friend - no, be honest, Raido - crush made his painful way to the side of my bed._

"_Never again."_

_I grinned crookedly._

"_I won't."_

"_Better not, else I'll go to hell to find you -"_

_He fought the solemn moment with a grin and lost._

"_Go to hell to find you and kick your ass."_

_Then he leaned forward, hesitantly. Unsure. I lost myself in his eyes._

"_Just kiss him already," a brusque voice said, and the curtain jerked aside, totally ruining the romantic moment._

_It was Tsunade._

_Damn the old hag._

_Genma just grinned, winked at me and leaned in for a kiss. No fuss. No muss. No flowers or cheesy music. No tongue. Just a nice kiss._

_A beginning._

_Fine with me._

"_Ahhh…." Sighed the Kage, a dreamy smile crossed her face (more scary than a Sound nin). "What I'll be seeing in my dreams…."_

_Genma and I looked at her horrified._

_

* * *

And now here we are, together. Together forever sounds nice. _

_Sounds cheesy, Genma would say. _

_I can just hear him._

_"What are you? A character from Icha Icha?"_

_But things are better - well, not for Hana maybe... she's the one who Genma left. I never asked about it - just watched it happen. She was always, well... independent... and Genma, I guess, had no trouble breaking up... but it makes me wonder sometimes... if I hadn't put my foot down... would he still have chosen me? Honestly?_

_I can't bear his kids._

_Or carry on the Shiranui heritage. There will be no brown haired, brown/hazel eyed kids for us._

_He says it's only better that way - but sometimes I wonder..._

* * *

"What's with the long face? Missing me in bed already?" 

Genma's eyes lit up with another smile.

I couldn't help but laugh at his irrepressible humor.

"No... but yeah..."

He laughed again at my reluctant admission.

"Ah. I didn't think it could be the debriefing - did it go bad? Are we grounded?"

"Noo... I was basically giving Tsunade the what-for..."

"What? Not about -"  
"She shouldn't be sending unstable shinobi out onto the field. Seriously."

"He saved my life, Raido. All of us."

"Maybe. But he went psycho - who knows - he might have turned on us..."

"Are you still mad at him - about the whole Hana thing?"

"I'm NOT! That was years and years ago!"

"Are you sure?"

"Sure! This has nothing whatsoever to do with his meddling - I'm talking about him objectively here... he wasn't -"

"I trust him."

"I don't."

"Then trust me."

Genma shifted his arm slowly over and clasped his large hand around Raido's.

"Trust me."

"I just don't -"

"Don't say it."

"What?"

"That he's not worth saving. He is. Nobody should be left to their presupposed fate. If I had that attitude, you'd still be under your dad's thumb. If Naruto had that attitude, tons of people wouldn't have changed... like that Hyuuga Neji who's always looking at birds -"

After a moment, the scarred Jounin sighed.

"I just don't understand -"

"Neither do I, which is why we're going to have a little talk with Team 7. Okay?"

"Okay. But this week you're putting your feet up and taking a vacation -"  
"As long as it's with my little Raido-kun -"

"HEY! Don't call me 'little'! What're - ACK! Don't pull me - you'll get infected - and -"

There was a brief struggle, which Genma won, by pulling Raido down on top of him, hard. Their lips met in a deeply passionate kiss - and somewhere between the second and third, Genma was heard to murmur - _been waiting too damn long _- and then the door opened.

"Oh. Dear," Iruka blinked. "Excuse me!"

The door slammed shut.

"What? They were doing what?" They could hear Shizune asking in a shocked whisper.

"Lemme see! Lemme see!" Izumo was whining. "Irrruuukkkaaa! Don't be such a -"  
"Let him see... serves Raido right for pandering to Genma's fantasies!" Kotetsu was gutting himself laughing.

"Was he in a nurse's uniform?" Anko was asking hopefully.

"Not as far as I could see," Hana sighed. "Thankfully - I don't want the boys to get ideas..."

"Absolutely not!" Iruka and Shizune said at the same time.

There was a pause.

Then everybody laughed - even Ibiki cracked a grin.

"Just like a married couple!" cried Kotetsu.

Iruka turned red, Shizune sighed.

Which only made their friends laugh harder.

Inside the room, the resulting silence was broken by a small chuckle from Genma and a loud groan from Raido.

Iruka, Shizune, Kotetsu, Izumo, Hana, two little boys, Anko and Ibiki laughed as Raido pulled the door open with a mock frown.

"What. You could see that we're busy..."

"Just came to say 'get well'!" Anko yelled, blasting Raido back.

Iruka, Shizune and the rest took the opportunity to infiltrate the room.

"Hey! I didn't say -"

Raido's protests - _get away from him! he needs rest! _- were completely ignored as the group were clustered around the bed, chatting away, giving Genma the latest gossip and pulling out flowers and gifts.

"Here, let me put them there for you," Shizune was saying, unwrapping the flowers.

"I'll help," Iruka put in.

"You did hear about the news? Akimichi Chouza's death was confirmed -" Kotetsu was saying with relish.

"No way! Who's in charge now?" Izumo asked.

"Chouji, I guess..."

"WHAT! That fatty?"  
"Shhhh! Don't say that! He's a nice young man! And going to get Ino one of these days -" Shizune scolded.

"You're kidding me!" Anko protested.

"I kid you not."

"How do you know?" The black-haired Jounin kunoichi (still sporting fish nets and a miniskirt) frowned.

"I hear things." Izumo said smugly.

"Ibiki, tell me, is this true?" asked Anko.

Everybody leaned in.

"It is true," the grey-coated man said, with a solemn voice.

"There! It is true!"  
"Wow! But then... that's no real surprise. They're all getting around to the mating thing..."

"Mating thing? Anko... that's really..." Hana sighed.

"Puts me off the romance..." Raido muttered.

Genma only chuckled.

His eyes landed on the young kids.

"Who are these brats? The next generation of Inuzuka?"

"You bet! And the best pups to date!" Hana grinned, ruffling the two boys' hair.

"Moooom!" They whined. "Stoooppp it!"

"Since when..." Genma trailed off, confused.

Hana shrugged.

"They're my treasures. Hiroshi, Renjiro - say hello to Shiranui-san."

"Call me Genma. It's easier to remember!" Genma winked at them.

"Hello, Mr. Genma," The dark haired one (who looked a lot like Hana). "I wish you well."

"Does it hurt bad?" asked the lighter haired one, his serious hazel eyes unblinking.

"It's all cool - just some mission gone wild. As usual. You training to be shinobi?"

"YEAH! We started the Academy this year!"

"So how old are you then?" asked Genma.

"Eight!" laughed the boys. "We're all grow'd up now!"

"Oho! You're twins then?"

"Well," said Hiroshi. "I'M older by FIVE minutes!"

Genma looking at the young boys wondered.

_

* * *

Hana is so independent. I never heard that she got married - I hoped she was not irrevocably in love with me... but... these boys are perhaps fruits of a new love. I'm happy for her. I never wished her ill. Hiroshi doesn't look like her though - _

* * *

Shizune, watching Genma watch the boys, sighed. _

* * *

They are treasures. All children are. It's funny - those twins are so not identical... like two sides of a coin - ying and yang - Hiroshi-kun is not really like his mother - his hair is much lighter, his face and eyebrows narrower, and his coloring - his hazel eyes... but really talented already, Iruka says. I'm sure that his father would be proud of them... it's a pity... And Renjiro-kun, too. He's more like his mother. And like his mother, doesn't accept pity. _

* * *

Watching the two boys' quarrel degenerate from a squabble to a full-blown 'shinobi duel' (Genma egging them on to Hana's dismay), Shizune couldn't help but smile. _

* * *

Like their parents, they make their own destiny - and don't care what others think - it's all about them and how they feel in the moment - what a gift they have - and they do not know it... _

* * *

Thinking of a future with Iruka, having kids, raising them, creating a home and a new set of dreams for Konoha, Shizune couldn't help but hope that her kids would have that same confidence. 

Zoning back in, Shizune caught the tale-end of a story from Iruka.

"Seems like Naruto's been realizing Hinata - or rather, his feelings for Hinata. Quite funny, according to Kurenai."

"Kurenai?"

"Yeah... they just came back - around noon."

"They've been gone for quite some time, right?" asked Izumo.

"Yeah... A couple of days, now." Kotetsu said, counting on his fingers.

"Eh? How long have I been out?" asked Genma.

"Too long," Raido glared. "You shouldn't be overworking yourself now as it is -"

"We'll get going," Hana said quickly. "I don't want to cause any harm here - especially with the boys... I don't know where this energy comes from! It's like they just don't know when to stop. And they never think before they act..."

"Sounds like someone I know," Raido, Shizune and Ibiki said at the same time.

Everybody laughed.

"So anyone know where Kurenai was?" asked Genma.

"Oh. Out with Tsunade, and Shino, Hinata, Kiba, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura - on a mission," Kotetsu sighed.

"Really?" asked Raido. "Sounds big."

"It was. They also had four ANBU backup." Ibiki said tersely.

Raido cocked an eyebrow infinitesimally.

Ibiki nodded.

Genma leaned back.

"No kidding."

Iruka, eyes darting from one face to the other, looked solemn.

"Then -"

"Did it go well?" interrupted Genma, shaking his head at Iruka.

"Depends on what you mean by 'well'," Ibiki said. "Things were confirmed."

Watching the boys playing in the corner of the room (they had found Genma's senbon set), the adults grew quiet.

"It is as we feared," the ANBU Torture and Interrogation Squad leader continued.

"Damn," Genma said softly, falling back onto his pillow, feeling tired all of a sudden. "That can only mean -"

"Well... our goals will be set back -"

"It's bad for the town," murmured Hana. "We're just starting to get back on our feet..."

"Yes," Raido said, suddenly taking back all his harsh words about Kakashi.

_

* * *

Damn. He's going to be stuck there for some time now... _

* * *

Everyone was silent at the thought of war - even Anko quieted down. 

"At any rate," Iruka said. "If we stick together, we'll get through this!"

"DAMN RIGHT!" Anko yelled.

"DAMN RIGHT!" copied Renjiro at her elbow, grinning up at her.

The adults laughed as Hana scolded the boy.

Saying their farewells to the bed-ridden Jounin and his (ever so caring) lover, the group trickled out of the room, leaving behind memories - new ones and old - happy and sad -

And the realization of a dark future - no one could check - no one could predict.

_**

* * *

In the warm breeze **_

_**You will cry**_

_**Again and again**_

_**That's fate for a criminal

* * *

**_

_NEXT UP: When going gets tough, the tough go clubbing! Memories of a Sannin. The truth of a death. Sakura dances. Kakashi watches._

_Heal These Unraveled Threads, Part 2: This Cold Place_


	24. Heal These Unraveled Threads: Part 2

_AN EARLY UPDATE! YAY! 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL!_

_HOPE YOU ENJOY!_

_-_

_Normally I have the fun of answering people's reviews and dialogueing... but an anonymous person pointed out that i could get in serious trouble from if I keep doing that..._

_i checked the guidelines and stuff but there was no mention of that, so if anybody is kind enough to review me with some information on this that would be great..._

_-_

_Warning: Severe angst! Flashbacks within flashbacks! Sex! (hetero) Sensuality! (homo) Swearing..._

_Also... this stupid computer I'm on is totally not letting me use page breaks... so... hopefully this new formatting will work..._

_also... this was finished last night and i've been battling a really bad cough for 2 days now... so... blame crap on flu-depression..._

_-_

_I don't own naruto... sadly... happily..._

-

Heal These Unraveled Threads

Part 2

Part 2: This Cold Place

_**Good intentions lost in thin air**_

"Well… that's that…"

The three Jounin were seated below a bunch of cherry trees, taking in the warm air, the fresh breeze – watching the tiny buds still waiting for the warmth –

_It's so beautiful_, sighed Sakura.

She was resting on her back – as were the boys – looking up at the lazy cloud puffs passing overheard, bracketed by the new leaves on the trees.

_It's so – peaceful. It reminds me of that place… _

The past few days had been chaotic – returning home, recouping, watching Tsunade begin to shore up their defenses and strengthen their teams in defense of –

_Who knows what, really…_

The boys had been kept busy – and there had been no time to talk – but now –

There was a chance to draw breath – and think over the things that Sasuke had found.

The lists were easily enough answered. Obviously they were shopping lists when Kakashi hung out at the family place for his self-imposed training.

Genma and Tsunade had helped there.

-0-0-0-

"_Yeah. The brat did come to me to ask for time to train – no one knew where he had gone really…"_

-0-0-0-

"_He said something about his dad's place," Genma had mused, sitting back in his apartment's balcony. "Eh… that was a harsh time – Sasuke gone, Leaf still debilitated –"_

"_- Everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off…" interjected Raido with relish._

"_- I wouldn't have put it that way… but yes… something to that effect. Hmmm… I was just out of recovery and Tsunade thought it might be nice for me to have my own team – ha! What a team! And they're still alive and kicking last time I checked…"_

"_- Two days ago when you should have been RESTING!" Raido interrupted again._

"_Yes, yes. Whatever, Momma Raido…"_

"_Gaaa! Stop calling me that!"_

"_Stop acting like it!"_

_There was a pause._

"_Anyway," Genma shrugged. "In all this fuss, Kakashi put in his fair share and then for a couple of months left – which dumped all the glorious, pain-in-the-ass S-ranked missions in my lap – and the others…"_

"_Oh, yes! I remember!" Raido sighed. "I met him the day he disappeared – carrying paper bags – and Pakkun was with him too."_

"_Oh…"_

_Sakura blinked._

_She could hear him still – sheepishly guilty –_

_-_

_I'm sorry, Sakura –_

_Sakura._

-

"_SAKURA!" _

_The pink-haired medic jumped._

"_Oh! I spaced out again! Too busy thinking! Anyway… I have to go. Really. It's nice seeing you, Genma."_

_She gave him a peck on his cheek and winked at Raido._

"_Keep yourself well and no running around for stupid reasons…"_

"_Sure, sure…"_

"_See ya!"_

_As she left them, she could hear Genma mock-sigh._

"_Such devotion for her sensei! If only I had students like that!"_

_Raido glared at the orally fixated Jounin._

"_The last thing you need is someone to pander to your ego."_

"_So cold! Hey! Raiiidddooo! Where are you going?"_

_-0-0-0-_

_And then the photos and the scroll…_

-0-0-0-

Jiraiya explained them.

" '_Papa sick'… yes.. well… that is… Sakumo went into a severe depression after the failed mission so… Kakashi was often left alone to fend for himself. A lot of the servants left town, or died… or went to the family farm east of here… Anyway… let's see… ah ha ha ha ha!" _

_The Sannin tipped his head back as he laughed – his wild white hair spiking everywhere._

"_That's Sakumo for you… the Hatake, for all their scarcity were rather rich – yes… your sensei had quite the fortune from the family – and then… of course, all those missions…at any rate, their farm lay on the edge of the river higher up – yes… so they had fish, big rice paddies – quite the farm… not sure what happened to it – I don't think Kakashi's been there for years and years – not since he was very, very young… Sakumo decided that it would be best for his family to move into Konoha – especially considering Hanako and Kakashi… especially Kakashi…"_

_A pause._

"_What was I saying?"  
"You were saying they were rich?" Sasuke rolled his eyes._

"_Yeah. So he always was hiring a photographer to take pictures of his family –" The famous writer waved the photographs._

"_She's beautiful!" Sakura sighed. "And he's sooo handsome!"_

"_Who? Kaka-sensei?" asked Naruto wincing. "He's got a scrunched up baby face – kinda like a monkey…"_

"_What? He's more chubby than a monkey – that would be you, idiot…" Sasuke snorted._

"_No, idiots! I'm talking about his dad – totally sexy –" The pink haired medic paused at Naruto and Sasuke's frozen horrified faces. "In a totally old man type of way…but Kakashi is soooo cute! Look at his widdle widdle face, you're so cute – yes, you are! Come to mommy!"_

"_Uhh… that's a picture right?" Jiraiya's eyes narrowed at the obviously deranged medic._

"_What's with girls and babies?" Naruto scratched his head, confused._

"_Beats me," sighed Sasuke._

"_That little tuft of white on his head… ooohhh! I'd like to have his babies if they looked like that…."_

_**Jiraiya, Sasuke and Naruto: IN SHOCK.**_

"_Ewww…. Who'd want such a perverted man's babies!"_

_Sasuke blinked and sighed._

"_Like you should know something like that…"_

"_Anyway… getting back on track – what exactly did happen? It says that Hanako died of lots of blood loss? Falling down the stairs? What?"_

"_Oh… yes… Kakashi probably couldn't tell you the proper story – he was so young when it happened…. But – it didn't stop him from blaming himself – no sirree…"_

"_How do you know he blames himself?"_

"_Yellow Flash told me – that is – the Yondaime. My student. Kakashi's teacher."_

"_Wow… so… he told you that Kakashi blames himself, how?"_

"_Well… it was summer – and Sakumo took the family out to the farm for a vacation – he was really into family time – but work always calls – especially for geniuses – like myself… hahahaha!"_

_**Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura: Yeah…. Riiigghhhttt….**_

"_So, he gets called away, Hanako is left with a whole bunch of the family, a couple of nurses and medics on the way to keep an eye on her– and there's always a falcon or two in the roost to send word to Konoha for backup. Kakashi thinks his mother fell down the stairs because she was going to clean up his room because apparently – according to Yellow Flash, he left it messy that morning – when his dad told him to clean it up –"_

"_So he thinks he's at fault."_

"_Yeah… total screw up, really – an ANBU mission in the mountains gone wrong – and there's Hanako out in the garden, apparently, she RUNS in and tells Kakashi to go get the medics (who as I said were already on their way) – and starts up the stairs – we are never sure what she went up there for, slipped in her haste and fell…"_

"_Damn. That's some crazy –"_

"_Yeah. I know. Of all the odds… anyway… Kakashi sure got the medics… they got there in enough time to make her last moments comfortable – the missing-nins were neutralized before there was any threat."_

"_So basically…" Sasuke said slowly. "Her sacrifice was –"_

"_Unnecessary…"_

"_That's… just… too…" Sakura sniffed. "Sad!"_

_Naruto was brimming up with tears as well._

"_No wonder Sakumo-san was so sad and depressed! To lose his love! I'd feel like that too!"_

"_Yeah… it was a great shock to all of us – Sakumo took it really hard – and then what with the war with Lightning – it just got really bad for him…"_

_There was a thoughtful pause – weighty with sadness._

"_What are those other pictures?"  
"Let see…"_

"_Ummm… That would be Sakumo, his brother, his father, his father's two brothers, his grandfather and his grandfather's brother…"_

"_Ah… yes – I read up on those…" Sakura nodded. "They all died in the war – Sakumo's brother, uncle, father, grandfather and great-uncle… and there was a younger brother – the uncle of Sakumo – yes… he died on the farm in an accident – right?"  
"Uhh… Not sure what happened there… Ahhh! This brings back the days!"_

"_What the hell?" yelled Naruto. "You're leering at Hanako-chan!"_

"_Well… back then, she was fair game. She chose Sakumo, though."_

"_I didn't know Tsunade knew her," Sakura raised her eyebrows._

"_Not really… but Tsunade was very welcoming to Hanako – Hanako was new to the region, she married with money into the family… but she loved Sakumo so it all worked out. Well… perhaps Tsunade was little jealous, that old hag – has no taste – and check it out – no breasts either!"_

"_Uhhhh… she looks normal to me…" Naruto peered at the old photo. "AHHHH! Orochimaru looks like a girl in that kimono. Really, Sasuke, your old sensei looks really lame…"_

"_Hmph. As if that matters – he still kicked your ass –"  
"Yeah… that doesn't change the fact he looks like a girl!"_

"_What's wrong with looking like a girl?" asked Sakura._

"_And your sensei was an open pervert!"_

"_He writes romance classics and –"_

"_Boys…" Jiraiya sighed. "Really…"_

"_What's that picture?" asked Sakura – pointing out another photo full of kids._

"_Ummm… I don't know why they've got a bunch of kids and teens together – but you obviously can guess who's who… There's Nara Shikaku – looking as unmotivated as usual – with… you guessed it –"_

"_Akimichi Chouza and Yamanake Inochi!"_

"_Even then…"_

"_And now he's gone – Akimichi-sama…"_

"_Yeah… time and circumstances don't stop for people, Sakura…"_

"_Anyhow… Ibiki – still scary… Ebisu… Genma and Raido – awww! They're holding hands with young Hayate-kun… but he's gone now too… and Hiashi and Hisashi Hyuuga – they were older than the rest but still – creepy… how much they looked alike… just weird… what WAS this? Some sort of Young People of Konoha day?"_

"_Who knows? But it's cool –"_

"_Not Gai – or Anko. Look at her – three years old and still rabid looking… that young woman is scary if you ask me…"_

"_Kind of like Naruto…"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Hey, hey!" Naruto protested. "I'm not like that snake tongue woman at all!"_

"_Kurenai and Asuma – not together then – but so cute though!" Sakura squealed, ignoring her loud mouth partner._

"_Kurenai is awful young," Sasuke put in._

"_Yeah, compared to some of the others…"_

"_Where's Iruka-sensei?" asked Naruto._

"_Right there – he's putting two fingers up behind Genma's head…"_

"_What a prankster – my type of sensei!" _

"_Shut up, Naruto… nobody asked you…"_

"_Hey, hey!" the blonde Jounin yelled, undeterred by his mate. "Who're those kids?"  
"Oh… that girl's Rin – she was Kakashi's teammate – with that Uchiha – Obito –"_

"_Not a lot of Uchiha…" noted Sasuke._

"_Well… a lot of your people were policemen, not ninja," Jiraiya pointed out. "Obito, Itachi, you – you guys were special… really…"_

"_And Kakashi's there too…"_

"_Yeah… surprisingly…" Jiraiya shook his head. "Unusual. He'd be in the Academy by then…"  
"But he's so small!" Sakura blinked._

"_How'd he fight like that?" Naruto peered at his sensei scornfully. "Really… kick them in the nuts? Or what? Half of the bugs in the Forest of Death could've eaten him whole!"_

_Jiraiya rolled his eyes._

"_He wasn't there for his Chuunin exams – Akagahara was his exam spot. But it was shut because it was deemed too dangerous."_

"_No kidding…" sighed Naruto, remembering his foray with Konohamaru into the abandoned training field. "I'm never going there again!"_

"_Tch. What a baby!"_

"_What did you call me?"_

"_Baby, baby."_

"_Stop calling me that!"_

"_Stop acting like it!"_

"_BOYSSS!"_

-0-0-0-

_With that, the discussion had broken up. Walking away from Jiraiya, the three had discussed their sensei's commentary on them as their sensei._

"_He's got some weird ideas of us…" Naruto said. _

"_Yeah… but some of it's really – true."_

"_Hmmm…" Sasuke nodded. "Like the love triangle and all – he probably could see more clearly what was happening than all of us –"_

"_And here we thought he was stupid," Naruto laughed._

"_Uhh… I didn't think that," Sasuke blinked. "Maybe you'd underestimate him –"_

"_Well… it's kind of easy to underestimate a lazy, procrastinating, porn-reading scarecrow –" Sakura put in. "It makes me wonder why he didn't put his foot down though…"_

"_Well…" Naruto sighed. "I thought a lot about that – and I think –"_

_Here he turned, blue eyes filled with pride._

"_He had his own training ideas – and a lot of it depended on us making the right choices… I don't think he wanted to make clones – he wanted to make a team – he wanted to make shinobi that Konoha would be proud of! Which we are!"_

"_Hmmm…" Sasuke nodded in agreement. "That makes sense."_

"_If it's the truth… we can't know until we ask him," Sakura corrected. _

"_Which we will… one day," Naruto said. _

_There was a pause as Sakura placed everything back in the wooden box that Sasuke had brought it in._

_They laid back to watch the clouds pass by – to watch the sun sink behind the trees and the dark blanket of night slowly roll over._

-0-0-0-

_Here we are – and that's that –_

_What to do next?_

Sakura couldn't guess.

Naruto, on her right, fidgeted. Then the number one noisy ninja of Konoha burst out -

"Hey. I'm bored. Let's go clubbing."

"Eh? Now? It's seven o'clock…"

"Time enough to grab some –"

"Let me guess! Let me guess! Ramen, right?"

"Yeah… whatever, Sasuke… you go and pick up your 'girlfriend-but-not-really-your-girlfriend'."

"Hey! That sounds bad! Who says she's not my girlfriend?"  
"She is?" asked Sakura. "Since when did you get so serious about her?"

"What? Who said I was serious?"

"Who couldn't be?" Naruto said leaning back. "Although, Hinata-chan is hotter."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"My girl can actually talk to me!"

"Yeah… well… my girl doesn't cough all the time like she's dying!"

"Lyra isn't dying! It's –"

"A never-ending cold? C'mon!"

"Never mind – let's go!"

Naruto, catching sight of Sakura's darkened face, winced.

"Okay."

And they left the orchard in its peace to grow.

-0-0-0-0-

Three hours later – belly warm with drink and ramen – Sakura watched her two boys dance on the floor with their perennial partners –

_Hinata._

_Lyra._

_It's funny how they never realized the friends they made in the war had become so close –_

_How close we've all been._

_It almost seems – inevitable…._

_And yet…_

Sakura didn't know what to think –

_Here I am._

_Alone._

_Funny._

_When I first started out, everybody including myself thought I'd just settle down and marry – and now, look at me, I'm watching my socially inept buddies pair up –_

She frowned.

_Is there something wrong with me?_

Sakura sighed as she thought of all the work waiting for her at home. At the thought of Kakashi-sensei. At the thought of war.

"You seem too down to be right, baby," Izumo drawled as he slumped down beside her. "What's up?"

"Am I normal, Zuzu?" asked the pink-haired medic.

The older Jounin turned at her serious voice, his dark eye peering past his long bangs to look at her.

"What do you mean by normal?"

"What –"

"I mean, what is normality? Normal for – say – ANBU is different than what we think is normal. What we think is normal is different from what the farmer on a rice paddy thinks is normal. What a kid thinks is normal is different from his parent's views – same goes for girls and guys, for nations, for cultures –"

"Yeah…."

"Still – how do you feel abnormal?"

"Just – hey, wanna dance?"

"Sure… if you answer the question."

On the dance floor, swaying to soft music, Sakura relaxed in Izumo's arms. It was easy to use him that way – she knew by the direction of his eyes where his heart really lay.

Kotetsu cuddling with his sweetheart in a dark corner –

_It's sad._

_We walk through life wanting things we don't have – things we feel we shouldn't have – how many of us feel we deserve what we want, I wonder –_

_Do we deserve it? Should we grab hold of that moment and secure it forever?_

"How do you feel abnormal?"

"Well…"

Sakura's gaze drifted to Sasuke and Lyra, Naruto and Hinata, Tenten and Lee, Ino and Chouji. To Shikamaru babbling about Temari to a very bored Kiba (who was waiting for his date), Hanabi (who scared every guy there), Shino (who was too creepy for even Hanabi) and Neji (who was there to look after his sisters – and grab a chance to talk to Yuuhi Niki) –

"I guess – I don't feel like a whole – I feel like a third wheel…"

"Yeah… I know how that feels," Izumo smiled bitterly. "What's new for singletons?"

"Hmmm… I guess you would know all about that with the whole Kotetsu thing…"

"Am I that transparent?"

"No. Not really… just… hanging with you two – it's pretty clear where your heart lies –"

"Oh."

A pause.

"And you aren't… disgusted?" he asked softly, squeezing her hand.

"How can I be?" she asked. "Friendship and love can grow into something beautiful – but sometimes –"  
"Yeah…"

"He's serious about her –"

"I know. I can't compete."

His smile hid a world of pain and loneliness, and Sakura's sympathetic heart contracted painfully.

_If only I could give everybody what they needed – if only I could mend a broken heart – but this is something no medic – not even a nin medic could heal –_

"I'm sorry –"

"Don't be. It's my fault for falling in love with the wrong person – I should've set my sights on somebody like you – beautiful, talented, powerful, in places, going to places – but –"

"But -?"  
"You've got a look in your eye –"  
"What?"  
"Hmmm… just a feeling…"

"You think I'm in love?"

"Sometimes, you're in love before you know it – and you don't realize that person until –" The Jounin tipped his head closer.

"Don't realize it too late, Sakura. You could lose the best thing going for you – and maybe that person would have needed you, too."

Sakura's green eyes widened at the thought.

"You shouldn't feel bad – there's somebody out there who needs you – so just wait for them."

"Like you are?"

"Hmmm… I guess I'll always be waiting."

"Then, we'll wait together," Sakura winked at Izumo.

Izumo smiled back.

And Kotetsu watching, sighed.

_**-**_

_**You were craving for affection**_

**_And the certain invitation_**

_**When you're near to me**_

_**In the cynical world**_

-

He watched her from the shadows – his uniform black, his hands gloved once again, his face concealed in his habitual mask – standing there in the shadows – watching

_Watching._

_Always that – never able to walk forward_

_Never able to get beyond that chain link fence onto the playground to join the others. Never able to run and play in the sun – always at home studying – working hard to be worthy of the Hatake heritage –_

_His dad wanted him to grow – _

_There was no time for building sand castles._

_They looked like fun._

And here he was again – years and years and years later – watching her sway – watching her dance on the club's patio under the stars –

Green eyes, he knew, that could widen from second to second with varying emotions – open and honest –

That was what he liked about her – in her lay no darkness –

_Just love. Anger. Frustration. Joy. Peace. Strength. Courage. Fear. _

_A jumble of life._

Her slim hands lying in that Jounin's hands, her small black skirt lifting in the breeze as she twirled gracefully around –

Watching her, Obito approved, memorizing her every move – her every lilt, her smiles, her winks –

She was sticking out her tongue at Ino.

It made him chuckle – to see such playfulness…

The soft music and the dim lights gave everything a feeling of intimacy. It was so beautiful and peaceful –

_He was there, instead of Izumo, holding her close and feeling her warmth. His hand spread over her lower back, pressing her nearer, they were so close now, their noses were basically bumping. He was leaning down, turning his head to bury his masked face – no, feel his cold skin on hers – she felt so different against him – her firm body, her slim waist, her breasts pressed hard against his and he basked in her light because – he wasn't on the sidelines – he was –_

_He wasn't._

_Not like I deserve anything –_ Kakashi sighed, trying to stifle the sudden –

Longings in his gut.

_No – it can't –_

_It's not – it's only –_

Lusting that throbbed deep down.

Clenching his fist, bowing his head, Kakashi gritted his teeth.

_Not now. Not here… Not like this –_

Opening his hands, he could've sworn it was real – the blood on his hands – the black-red blood that fell, dripping down –

_It was the life of that young kunoichi he had killed – no, the young girls at the family table – no the young children in the school – the –_

Kakashi turned and fled.

-0-0-0-

"Wha –"

Sakura froze.

"Move…" hissed Naruto over Hinata's shoulder. "You're in the way, standing there…"

"What's up?" asked Sasuke passing by on her other side. "You okay?"

Sakura just nodded without really taking anything in, as Izumo led her off the floor, his face filled with concern.

_-_

_Her face – _

_She –_

-

Running out the door, Sakura jumped to the roof of the building looking around –

Looking –

Searching –

_I could've sworn –_

At her side, Izumo said nothing, until she slumped down on the roof's shingles.

"You sensed somebody?"

"I thought I did – but – I doubt –"

"Sakura," Izumo said slowly, feeling lost like a man searching for something in a dark room. "You shouldn't doubt yourself."

"It's impossible –"

"Eh? You're Naruto's teammate and you believe that? Honestly?"

There was a silence. The two looked out into the night

"Nothing's impossible," Izumo said. "Repeat that."

"You think so, honestly?" asked Sakura.

Izumo hesitated.

Then he smiled.

"We'll say it together."

_**-**_

_**No one fight me in this cold place**_

_**Here we stand in ravishing rain**_

_**I will not bow to you, criminal**_

_**That's your final consolation**_

_**Never again return from a cynical**_

-

It was a hungry need. It was a darkness with jaws that ate him alive.

It was a child's nightmare of a big dark overwhelming him. It was –

All he knew was that he had to get away. Away from those memories – away from that memory – of – of not them dying –

Not their desperate clutching – grasping his ankles and feet trying to get him to stop –

No. It wasn't insanity –

Kakashi could only see one thing.

_Her._

_Her who is not he._

_No. No. That makes no sense!_

_Her who is not where he is._

_Her who is not where he wishes she could be and knows she can never –_

_No._

_A drink. That'd do it._

Kakashi veered right hastily and found his favorite dive. It was a dive in every sense of the word – dimly lit, gloomy, smoky and grubby. A silent place where the quiet ANBU could find some sort of consolation in the cheap whores that serviced the place.

The Copy Nin didn't frequent it as often as others (Yukio, for one), but the demons –

_Why do they come now? Why?_

_Why, Kakashi, why? We're only children. We're only school kids. We just want to live –_

_Damn it! Damn it all to hell!_

Finding his way to a booth, Kakashi sat down and impatiently signaled the water.

"A bottle of the usual," he growled.

The girl nodded and disappeared.

A moment later she arrived with some sake and a tiny cup.

Kakashi, watching her leave, slipped off his mask and downed the entire bottle in one swig. Immediately he could feel the alcohol rushing through his thin body, through this empty stomach and into his blood veins.

_I drunk that way too fast – but at least…_

Kakashi looked around hazily.

_At least it's working fast…_

In half an hour, the Copy Nin was drunk enough to beckon one of the younger girls.

He didn't know her name. It didn't really matter. All he knew was that she didn't have pink hair and green eyes –

_Just the thought –_

He forced it away with another gulp of sake – and a rather hard kiss on unresisting lips.

This would be fine.

_It will be enough._

He focused on the small mouth beneath his, running his hands through the long hair, letting it out, roughly – out of its pins. It was a tunnel vision, focused all on her and his feelings – the thin mattress of the bed she had led him to didn't matter – nor did the dingy curtains and the stained walls…

All that mattered was –

The heat that had built up over the night at the thoughts of –

Pale breasts, slim muscular arms and a trim body –

Green eyes, pink hair –

A dream.

_But it should be her – this moment should be ours – this time –_

"Sakura –" He breathed, as his slow movements quickened them both into the glorious climax. In the dark there, they lay as if silent.

_It was incomplete, really_, he thought.

Without a further comment, he raised himself up on his elbows to look down – at the content woman he used –

_Content_, he reiterated.

_But used_, another part of him said.

_Shut up, you're dead._

Her dark eyes held nothing – no emotion – he backed away – feeling as if –

_She isn't Yukio. This is no genjutsu – then why? Why when I had a say? When I was –_

_Does it matter if you're on top or on the bottom? Who is uke, who is seme? Who dominates, who submits? If it's wrong, it's wrong –_

_Is it?_

_Is it not?_

_Is it always this –_

_This…_

_This dirt is blood on my hands – this dirt of me – of mine –_

Kakashi jerked on his clothes in silence aware of her appreciative gaze.

"You're leaving so soon?" she asked finally, obviously disappointed.

He didn't deign to answer, just threw a little bag of money onto the foot of the bed and left.

For more drink.

_**-**_

_**Now hang onto me**_

_**In a cynical world**_

-

Yukio had the mission papers in hand when he went in search of his first choice for partners.

_Where the hell is he?_ The ANBU wondered, peering into the Copy Nin's apartment.

The windows lay open, a gentle breeze blowing the curtains in and out – and the bare room was even starker in its silence.

_The emptiness of a domestic desert…_

_What I would build for you, Kakashi, if only you'd let me – _

_If you'd let me –_

_But…_

_There's others who want to take you away – to make you theirs… to change you – to deny that part of you – gods… That pink-haired chick pisses me off with her damn platitudes – as if she could know – as if she'd understand –_

_Nobody understands you –_

Yukio left the balcony and leaped over the roofs towards the memorial.

No Kakashi.

_Curiouser and curiouser… Where could he have gone? Not his family dojo… then…_

_Maybe Makoto and Ichiro know something… They'd be at the Fire Dragon Club…_

Yukio found the dive.

_Your average ANBU hangout – like its offices – a tomb – a musty, dim, smoky hell – but then… isn't life always like this? Hidden secret places –_

"Makoto… Ichiro," Yukio hailed the two young men who were carefully sipping on their second drinks for the night (and probably last).

_You can always pick out the young ones – the alert vigilantes who jump at every shadow – heh – well… us old ones are probably more paranoid – just… not here…_

"Yukio," Makoto said in a hushed voice.

He looked nervous.

"Something up?" asked Yukio, eyeing Ichiro.

_He seems fine enough… then…_

Makoto and Ichiro shifted uneasily, darting glances at each other.

"What's the problem?"

"It's Kakashi-sempai…" stuttered Ichiro. "He's…"

He cocked his head to a darker booth.

Yukio said nothing but turned away abruptly in the direction of Makoto's finger.

-0-0-0-

Watching the black pony tail move away, Makoto shook his head.

"You know," he sighed. "I just don't understand…."

"Hmmm… me neither…"

"I mean… with an eye like that and experience like that and more than a thousand jutsus under your belt – and a name known in many countries and girls going googlie-eyed over a mask… you'd think you'd be happy, right?"

"I don't know…" Ichiro said slowly, ruffling his spiked brown hair. "I think sometimes that that's the whole problem. Prodigies… have all these expectations to live up to – they can't let loose with all those people watching. They get uptight quicker and have more to lose. I like Hatake-sempai – he's a great man, but I think with the track record he's had, he's seen one too many disturbing things… if you get my drift..."

"You mean he's crazy?"

"Of course not! Just… tired psychologically…"

"Crazy." Makoto deadpanned.

"Don't be disrespectful!"

"Whatever. He's just a man. Like us. Only… he's –"  
"Smarter. Faster. Cooler. Hotter. Older. Powerfuller…" Ichiro counted off on his fingers.  
"Powerfuller? That's not a word."

"Well… it rhymed…"

"What confuses me is Yukio-senpai's role in all of this…" Makoto's green eyes blinked. "I mean… yeah he's cool and his ability to combine earth with wind is nothing short of amazing but… he's a pain in the ass when it comes to Kakashi…"

"I think he's in love."

"Love?" Makoto snorted. "Love has no place here."  
Ichiro frowned.

"You don't think so?"

There was a silence.

Makoto sighed, realizing the gaffe he had just committed.

"Well… that is… between those two there is no love."

"Oh…"

"I mean… beating each other up, annoying each other… that can't be right…" pointed out Makoto.

"Yukio does tend to be grabby…"

"Grabby isn't the word for it. Molestation… maybe if Kakashi was kid –"  
"Which he is. Psychologically." Ichiro interjected.  
"You think so?"

"Yeah…"

They watched Yukio sling his arm around the masked Copy Nin and help the sloshed shinobi out the door.

"Yeah…"

In the alley way, Yukio found a stray rain barrel. It was good enough. After seven good dunks, Kakashi was partially sober – conscious enough to sway on his own two feet and demand –

"WHATHE HELL?"  
"It's a mission…"

Kakashi squinted at the fluttering paper –

It was too dark to read – he dropped it –

"Go fuck yerself… I'm not innerested –"  
"C'mon. You're my perfect choice –"

There was a silence.

"You know what I meant," Yukio argued exasperated.

_There is no arguing with silence – no arguing with emptiness…_

_It just is – and you cannot capture it…_

"I don' want –"

"It won't happen again – you can always trust me to never let you down –"

"Heh…"

"Seriously…"

"Fine. Whatever… sign ush -us up…"

"You've got until tomorrow afternoon, Kakashi, to get your act together…"

"Lemme do my own thing… I'll be 'kay… I'm a big boy an' can take good care – take good care of myshelf…."

"Yeah… having random sex with a whore and drinking yourself to death is a good way to take care of yourself…"

"Yer… just…. Jealoush – jealous that I didn't choose you – tha's all…"

"Shut up…"

"You're jealous of S-s-sakura… too… right?"  
"You don't know what you're talking about…"

"Hn… then you won' mind if I quit ANBU an' –"  
"Of course I would! I'd –"  
"You'd what? Beat me up? Take me on? 'Sides… who'd wan' to stay 'round for you anyways?"

Yukio slapped him – Kakashi, already unsteady on his feet, fell back, sliding down the alley wall – Yukio stepped in and jerked the Copy Nin to his feet by his vest collar roughly. With his other hand, he yanked the navy blue mask down and found the Nin's mouth in the dark.

Sober vs. drunk.

There wasn't much of a question as to who was going to lose.

Yukio's tongue roamed around his partner's mouth tasting every scent of cheap perfume – every trace of expensive sake. He was the master here – and Kakashi, somewhere along the line, due to oxygen deprivation no doubt, stopped protesting.

_Or perhaps_, Yukio sighed mentally… _he's just drunk enough to –_

He drew back.

"Don't touch me," Kakashi gasped weakly – but Yukio could interpret what those pants really meant.

The soberer ANBU of the pair leaned closer, enveloping his slimmer partner, molding their bodies together –

"If you don't like it, you should remain in charge of –"

"I can't –"

Yukio drew Kakashi in, hugging him tighter.

"What? What did you see?"

"I saw her… and she wasn't –"  
"Kakashi… you shouldn't –"

"My hands were – they were – I was – I couldn't even hold her – what if I killed her – what if I killed – I killed all of those children, didn't I?"

"It's okay, Kakashi," Yukio said, petting the man's grey hair, trying to comfort the shaking shoulders.

"No…" young Kakashi whispered. "It's not okay…"

They stood there together in the dark not saying anything more –

Miles from each other.

**-**

**Here we stand –**

**Never again return –**

**Now hang onto me**

-

The sun was setting the next day as Kakashi and Yukio left on the most important mission in this new - _could it really be war?_ - against Rock – and as they passed over the large wall of Konoha, two dark-haired shinobi entered through the large doors – past the large posts.

Just returning from a two month long mission.

One bearing a katana – Sai.

Another with his usual metal guards across his forehead and down his temples – Yamato.

They smiled as they watched Team 7 approached them.

"Some things never change," Sai said with content, noticing all the new buildings and the reconstruction. "Things only get better…"

"Hmmm…" Yamato said inconclusively as he noticed the subtle worry lines on Sakura's face. "Some things…"

**-**

**In a cynical world.**

**-0-0-0-0-**

**Next up... I don't know... it's either going to be the mission to Rock or... Yamato and Sai join forces with Team 7...**

**We'll see... we'll see...**

-0-0-0-

oh yeah... ummm... kittycatcharm: your convention pics... the link didn't work... could you email them to me? THANKS!


	25. Lullaby of the Moonlight

_**THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED! I'm glad you enjoyed it!**_

_**Sakurahatakekakashi'sgrl: Wow! I'm impressed! You've caught up! I'm glad you enjoy this story… it's getting quite lengthy… and I'm afraid that may put off people… but it seems that it still holds a lot of interest! So I hope you enjoy this new chappie! Thanks for taking the time to review my stuff! **_

_**Lotisflower: Another new reviewer! Thanks for reviewing! Even my old stuff! I'm glad you enjoyed my fics! It's great to hear from new people. I'm glad you like my voice. I love angst – but the best angst is mixed with humor – because then you KNOW what you're missing! Hope you enjoy this chappie!**_

_**FurAllOver: I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! **_

_**Kisai Ame: WOW! New reviewer! I'm so glad you enjoy this twisted dark fic. It's really awesome to know that somebody out there appreciates my stuff! I hope this new chappie lives up to expectations! Thanks for taking the time to review – people like you help me know whether I'm on track or not! Arigatou!**_

_**Snowfall: I'm going to keep doing it until I get warned. We'll just see… Hope you enjoy this angst-filled chappie…**_

_**Jemiul: Thanks for the encouragement! Regular reviewers like you help me endure and keep me on track!**_

_**Inquisitive: Yeah. Yukio has a soft side…but it's more selfish, I think. And yes… definite love triangle. As I was writing this story, I realized that Kakashi seemed almost… sexless… and while that maybe a totally believable way of portraying him, I kinda didn't want him to become bloodless in his angst… but then… I'm not totally sure how to portray sensuality/sexuality… so yeah… you're right… It probably was a bit over the top for him… (sigh)… I might have to tweak it…**_

_**Rhianna midori: wow! Someone's really enthusiastic about this! I'm glad! Here be the new update!**_

_**Eyeliner0tears: YAY! Another new reviewer! Thanks for reviewing and giving me all those compliments… it really is encouraging. And yes, I have thought of doing writing on the side (as I teach ESL) kinda like Ogden Nash… but… my original stuff… is weird… (sci-fantasy style) hahaha! I find writing here makes many people happy and has allowed me to find my voice and increase my mad writing skillz! I'm glad you feel multiple emotions – that's what I'm aiming for! Hahaha! Hope you enjoy this new chappie!**_

_**Kokis: Well… I think we had a great talk on dialogue. It's nice to be able to chat with my reviewers… hahaha! And yeah… Kotetsu and Izumo are, like, my new loves. Totally. (after Gen and Rai and Kakashi…) Anyhoo… well… that pairing is bittersweet… is all I'm going to say… I'm not sure – still how to end with them... you'll see what I mean. Do both of them live? Yes. Will both of them end up together? Do you want to know that? If so, pm me and I'll spoil my story for you – but if you want suspense, I'll keep it secret! Hahaha! I do so love the two!**_

_**Mahoakitti: Kakashi is very suppressed. He's suppressing way too much. I can relate a lot. A lot of the frustration in this fic, I feel, is bred from within me – a darker part of me, if you will… I'm not a super cheery person to begin with… but my life isn't bad or anything… I'm just a natural pessimist… I understand what emotional suppression does to people. I failed 2 university courses 2 years ago b/c I couldn't get out of a depression (my only grandpa died) – and I didn't even know I had depression. I couldn't even cry at his funeral, which made it worse… but I cried two years later in a grocery parking lot with my dad. (pathetic, huh?) but I guess that's what my fic is all about. Healing – emotional and physical – brought about by love and understanding. That's what we need more of in this life. p.s. hope I didn't scare you off with this rant… just a sort of spoiler as to how I'm writing this fic… (runs off blushing like mad)**_

_**I can't believe I'm Anime: Hahaha! Glad you liked that Kakashi picture part. I always wanted to draw a chibi Kaka baby! (sigh) Oh for more time and more talent! Hahaha! Ichiro and Makoto are funny too… Great comic duo! They are part of the good side, representing balance as well. A breath of fresh air, so to speak….**_

_**Darkflameangel: you don't like school much? Hahaha! I'm so nerdy. I can't wait for tomorrow when I go out and give away my leg, arm and liver to buy my textbooks! As for Zuzu and Ko, yes. Mmmm…. Smexy… and they had speaking parts in the latest episodes… (WAAAAHHHHH!) But… yes… (ahem) They have their own story. Everyone does…**_

_**Pharynx: THANKS FOR REVIEWING! I love new reviewers! I'm glad you're hanging around for the next chappie! Yeah… I need to do a chibi pic of Jiraiya and the boys' reaction to Sakura's words. That part in the chappie was a fly by night thing – really off the cuff. But people like it… **_

_**Jennjennr: That's me! Mixing my moods! (No different for this chappie either…) Yukio makes me sad. Seriously. He's so… bad, evilly pathetic. Like Haku and Zabuza, who always make me cry when they die. And even though Naruto is almost always cheery, I feel that there's a lot of pain in the shinobi life. Yep. Glad you enjoyed! Hope you like this chappie!**_

_**Kittycatcharm: Yeah. Sakura got some good lines in that chappie. And yes… I think that Sakumo must have been hot. Of course… all Jounin are hot… mostly… I found the interaction b/w Sai and the rest to be difficult to write since there hasn't been a lot of him in the manga and it's kinda hard to predict the kid… but I'll rant about that more later… I'm glad you like the direction I'm taking! Hope you enjoy this Sai/Yamato-filled chappie! Thanks for the heads up on Yamato's name – that was the one chappie I failed to read… Utmost thanks!**_

_**Emerald lady: Hmmm… which part did you find confusing? I'd like to fix it – if it's fixable… that is… yeah… my thought process are sometimes out there…**_

_**Sanitythroughmadness: Hmmm… fanlistings sound cool. As for the convention… It DIDN'T WORK OUT! My $#( BOSS (read: stupid) SCHEDULED ME WRONG! And I couldn't take it off… I served coffee with tears in my eyes… But hope springs eternal… there's a convention in Toronto in May that I can go to… sigh…**_

**--**

**No real warnings for this chapter… really…**

**Just severe angst as usual…**

**Songs listened to: The Village OST, Davy Jones (POTC 2), Claire de Lune, Arabesque, Gravity of Love**

**Just a note: How do you feel about my portrayal of Sai and Yamato? I found it REALLY TOUGH to write them! Constructive criticism anyone? **

**I don't own Naruto.**

--

Chapter 25

Lullaby of Moonlight

_**--**_

_**Away out yonder  
I see a star,  
Silvery star  
With a tinkling song;  
To the soft dew falling  
I hear it calling  
Calling and tinkling  
The night along.**_

_**--**_

He could hear it sometimes... it was like the soft voice of the wind in the trees - the rustling leaves - the flourishing, green symbols of life -

It was the lullaby of content, of peace - of something... elusive...

_What was he missing?_

But then, walking down that road of life, he bumped into somebody - different... loud... brash... annoying, to be truthful... somebody who got to the heart of things - inside that person dwelt a fire.

_It wasn't just the Kyubbi, was it, Naruto?_

_It was love. _

_Burning with love and passion and excitement. You can never be stopped..._

_Baka-Naruto._

His journal was where he left it - the tiny book of sketchy images - his brother and him, at the end, holding hands -

A heart shape between them.

A heart. Two hands.

_I'll never be alone..._

_Thanks to you, Naruto._

_And you, Sakura..._

_--_

_"Gorgeous..."_

_"You call her that - and then say I'm a HAG! DAMMIT, SAI!"_

--

Sai set the journal back carefully with a laugh.

His onyx eyes landed thoughtfully on the small bright blue sketchbook beside it.

He didn't need to take it down to remember its contents.

A grinning, goofy face.

A shy smile.

An enigmatic eye.

A small pug dog.

A fight between friends.

And a forgiven Sharingan.

_So much has changed_, mused Sai.

Carefully, the ex-ANBU Jounin unpacked his belongings (_they'll need to be ironed..._), and slowly took a hot shower (_the first one in a long while... waaayyy too long..._). Stretching his arms contentedly, he sighed.

_Perhaps I'm still good for a drink with Naruto... he looked... hectic... worried? hmmm... it's so hard to tell with people... even when you've read all the behavioural books... you still get kicked in the balls - as the idiot would say - people are surprising..._

_Yeah..._

--

"Naruto." Tenzou said, sipping his cup of sake cautiously. "Something on your mind lately? You seem..." The older Jounin paused. "Anxious, perhaps?"

Naruto blinked.

Staring down at his cup.

_Kakashi._

_Bushy, unkempt grey-hair._

_Dark, hard eye._

_A white mask._

"It's Kakashi-sensei."

Tenzou tensed. His fingers clenching his cup ever so slightly.

"I know... you probably are going to tell me that he wasn't really your friend and all that shit - hey... you might even be privy to classified information I don't know and can't know - and maybe don't want to know..." Naruto sighed, stretching his arms and leaning back on them, gazing defiantly at his old mentor. "But every little bit helps to bring him back."

"Bring him back?"

"It's not like he's dead."

"Might as well be..."

"Eh?"

"Baka," Sasuke muttered, sitting down beside his teammate.

He looked at Tenzou keenly.

"You're ex-ANBU. What do you know?"

Tenzou shook his head.

"I don't -"

He shrugged helplessly.

"He wasn't close..."

"What's new?" Naruto yawned.

"It's hard - what can one say? You hear rumors and things... stories... but what is truth?"

"Spare me the philosophy," Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, idiot," Sasuke said, pouring himself a cup and raising a silent toast. "He's right... but even then... in the whole stack, there lies a needle."

"You sound like Bug Boy," Sai laughed sitting down, eyes curving happily.

Shino in the opposite corner twitched.

"Be careful," Tenzou said. "I sense a fly..."

"Eh? What?" Naruto blinked. He poured himself another cup expertly.

_Well..._ Tenzou sighed. _What with Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama's influence... it's to be expected..._

"What was the philosophical discussion?" asked Sai, tentatively. "Is it private? Should I go? Or is the, er - Idiot... just -"

"Say that again, HO-MAN!"

"Ho-man?" blinked Sai.

"Ho-man? What the - Naruto... stop being an idiot," sighed Sasuke.

Everybody was twisting around.

Tenzou slid down just a little more, hoping to hide behind his partner.

Sai chuckled.

"Here, Naruto. Have another one."

"Thanks."

There was a pause.

"We were just talking about Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke said, his eyes roving the crowded pub carefully.

"Oh," Sai said blankly. He turned to Tenzou.

Tenzou sighed.

"Didn't you team up with him in ANBU for awhile?"

No response.

Sasuke and Naruto leaned forward.

"You've been in ANBU with him? During the war?"

Tenzou hunched down.

"No."

He paused.

"From before."

The two boys sat back.

Sai put on a thoughtful face.

"I don't have much to say either. Only the rumors. You hear them all the time. Even in Ne, I remember hearing about him. He was - a genius - among other geniuses. Ehhh… it's a hard life trying to keep ahead of the pack. Hatake don't have bloodlines like Tenzou does… or Sasuke-kun…"

"Well… neither do I," Naruto argued. "I don't have any special family jutsu -"  
"You don't need one," sighed Tenzou. "You have something else entirely."

There was another silence at that.

"At any rate," Sasuke waved for another bottle. "He had a hard time keeping up - his family was rich and dying. Obito's death, ironically, probably saved his life - in more ways than one."

Tenzou nodded.

"Too true."

"So that's how the Sharingan happened?" asked Sai, curiously. "Or is it -" he hesitated. "Wrong of me to ask?"

"No. It's fine," Naruto shrugged. "A teammate died on Kakashi's first mission as Jounin. During the war with Rock - right? He was only 13 years old - or so… his teammate was an Uchiha. Got crushed under a rock, and gave his eye as a Jounin present. Ugh…"

"Hmmm… yes… shinobi life is hard."

"Well… sure…" Tenzou shrugged. "But you get over it. He did. He did fine. Before everyone knew it he was pulling ahead again. He was a smart toddler, he was a smart boy, he was a smart teen, he was a smart man… I remember -"

He stopped.

--

"_Hey, hey, what's your name?"_

"_Uhhh…." The new recruit paused uncertainly. "Um… Te-uh-Yamato."_

"_Yamato, huh? Nice. Mine's Ikko. This is Jiro and that's Hoshi."_

_Tenzou tilted his head uncertainly in a slight bow._

_The other's copied him._

"_I guess we're the newbies, huh? We must look stupid," JIro sighed. _

_A bird mask with long grey hair._

"_Well… everybody looks idiotic on the first day…" Hoshi pointed out._

_Tenzou felt like he was stuck in one of the boring plays people would put on for civilians - masks and weird costumes and funny sign language - _

_I'm so fucking lost… he sighed. Ah well…_

"_Ah! Here they come!"_

"_Hey! It's Ibiki-sama!"_

"_And - who are those?"  
"Our trainers, perhaps?"_

"_One on one, huh? Cool!"_

"_Cool? Scary… look at them…"_

_Tenzou watched as his mates were paired up with their mentors. Watching the scarred ANBU leader give directions, elaborate on rules and sternly instruct the newbies on proper ANBU behaviour and protocols, Tenzou wondered what it was really going to be like on the field._

_**-Don't do anything, just watch-**_

_What can I do anyway -_

_**-Observation, keen observation is key to learning-**_

_among this elite company -_

_**-Don't rush in where you are told not to, don't go where you can't see, don't do what you don't know-**_

_I am so small -_

_**-Above all, don't take off your mask in public or talk to old friends or fraternize with civilians. Only in the Common Rooms, the Dorms and your private apartments, if you so choose to have one, can you take the mask off-**_

_Should I even be here?_

_**-Behave as proper shinobi should!-**_

_He tensed as his codename was called out, and looking up, he surveyed his new mentor and team leader -_

_ANBU Wolf. Codename: Lightning. Raiden._

_Huh?_

_A wolf-dog mask, a katana strapped to his back and bushy grey hair standing wildly up (leaning a little to the right), the rest of his uniform, immaculate._

"_Look who he's got!" He could hear people whispering in the common room, later on in the day._

_Tenzou peered again at his leader, Kakashi-sama._

_Underneath the ivory, lay a black cloth mask and a tilted sash of black cloth._

"_It's HIM!"_

"_Lucky guy… if only I had…"_

"_He's an old-timer too…"_

"_Uhh…." Tenzou didn't know what to say. "You - uh -"_

_"Save it," his captain said, in a clipped professional voice. _

_He waved a stack of folders._

_"We gotta go through these first and then, maybe, if we have the time, a drink or so at this bar I know, 'kay?"_

_Tenzou nodded uncertainly._

_"Y-y-y-yes, sir!"_

_"Uh... don't call me sir..."_

_"Y-y-y-yes, sir!"_

_"Did you - nevermind..."_

_"Sorry!"_

_"I said nevermind."_

_"But -"_

_"Just let it go... you're making me feel old."_

_"Right!"_

_"Hmph. Let's go."_

_The two ANBU found a small niche in the ANBU information library, where a low table was found. Tenzou watched in awe as his captain lifted a couple pens from the librarians desk and stole a couple of pillows for better comfort._

_"Okay. This folder, you have to sign a whole bunch of boring stuff... and this folder we have to read through together... and then we can drink and then we can start training... or the other way around... depends on how I feel." Tenzou looked up from the discouraging stack of papers in front of him - his captain's voice was getting less muffled -_

_He found himself staring at a young teenager with spikey grey hair, one black eye (the other was covered by a sash) and a black cloth mask. _

_"C-c-c-captain, sir!"  
"Yeah, yeah... we might as well relax. 'Sides. If we go into a dangerous mission next week and your mask gets knocked off, or you're killed - how am I supposed to identify you as a friendly?"_

_"Oh."_

_Makes sense... in a roundabout way... are all the mentors here so - weird?_

_Tenzou hesitantly slipped off his mask._

_Kakashi nodded._

_"Now then, let's get to work..."_

_Yamato._

_Tenzo._

_--_

_I've seen him pass through phases. The strict, but friendly ANBU Captain. Then, from afar off, the competent Jounin who gained a name throughout the continent as the Copy Nin… and now - what is he?_

_Somebody - no, that person could not be - something to fall into obscurity and darkness._

_Could he?_

_Will he?_

_With Naruto around, could he possibly escape?_

--

"Tenzo-san?"

"Yo! You in there?"

"Ten-chan -"

"Don't call me that!" Tenzo sweatdropped at Sai's nickname. "I was thinking… and if you keep poking me in the chest like that, Naruto, I might have to show you the real meaning of pain…."

The boys froze at the sight of Tenzo's 'scary' eyes.

"Right…"

"So… what have you been doing about it?" asked the ex-ANBU curiously.

"Oh. Well… it doesn't seem like we've got far since we keep on getting handed missions," complained Naruto.

Sasuke shut his eyes and snorted.

"Somebody actually believes the idiot to be capable -"

"SAY THAT AGAIN, SASUKE, YOU BASTARD!"

"Regardless," Sasuke continued, ignoring his partner, now foaming at the mouth. "We have made some headway in discovering more of his background. And we've even seen him a couple of times - on missions and stuff - but it's hard - he's deeply entrenched in ANBU and what with these problems with Rock, it might be harder to see him again…"

Tenzo nodded.

"Tsunade filled us in on that shit… just when we all thought we could settle down and have a normal life. But then… what's normal…"

"You are right," Sai shrugged, downing another cup.

He smiled at a cute girl across the room, who was staring at them non-stop.

"Look at Cutie over there - who is she - exactly?"

"Ehhh…. That's - "

"Sai… Get yourself your own girlfriend -" Sasuke frowned.

"Possessive, huh? You don't want to share with an old friend?"  
"Sai -"

"Sai," Naruto whispered. "I suggest you leave it, seriously. Sasuke is still googly eyed over her…"

"I'm NOT googly-eyed, romantic-boy-who-fell-in-love-with-a-water-dancing-chick!"  
"What's wrong with keeping steady? Huh? Huh?"

"Keeping steady? You haven't even asked her out yet, idiot!"

"My heart has kept true to one flame, womanizer!"

"You're just jealous - and you're sounding like Gai."

"SAY THAT AGAIN!"

"Who is she?" asked Tenzo, trying to change the topic.

_Maybe this is why Kakashi-sempai ran off to ANBU…_

"Gekkou Lyra."

"Hmmm…" Sai smiled. "Gekkou, eh? Who are THEY? Some -"

"She's the niece of Gekkou Hayate. The Examiner who died during our Chuunin Exam…"

"Ah." Tenzo and Sai nodded, still clueless.

"Yeah," Naruto smiled. "Those were the good old days -"

**Tenzo and Sai: Good old days?**

"He was a nice examiner. Put up with me a lot."

**Tenzo and Sai: Wow. Who would've thought.**

"He stopped Hinata-chan from getting killed by her cousin - back when Neji had this crap ass attitude. But I straightened him out."

**Tenzo and Sai: Reeeally….**

"Anyway… Lyra is a great swordsman - woman - whatever. A strong kunoichi. I've been on a couple of missions with her. But she's just like her uncle - always a little sickly which is deceiving because that doesn't mean she's weak… and then there's the whole totally tired look - like she doesn't get enough sleep - and always yawning and talking really slow… probably all Sasuke-bastard's fault…"

"Why is it MY fault?"  
"You're the one keeping her up at night," Naruto leered.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"At least I'm getting some, virgin boy…"

"I'm NOT - "

Sai laughed.

"You guys haven't changed. And I can't wait to meet the person who is lucky enough to possess your heart, Naruto. Even if your dick is smaller than mine…"

"SAIIIII!"

"Really…" Tenzo huffed, rising from the table. "This is the LAST thing I want to hear…"

With that, he left, smiling at the sound of the three boys squabbling in the booth.

_--_

_Too bad Kakashi-sempai isn't here_, he thought. _We'd bet on how long it'd take for them to be thrown out. _

Tenzo hesitated - paying for his drinks, he walked away, his dark eyebrows knit in a frown.

_But he isn't here… and that's the problem… still…_

Tenzo jumped quickly over the rooftops, running up the side of the mountain, to find his favorite niche on top of the sculpted heads of the Konoha kages. He sat there, waiting - waiting -

And thinking.

_--_

_All my life - I've worked for this city - these houses, these trees, these people -_

_And most of them don't know I exist - or where I came from - what do I remember?_

_I remember first: dark. And then eventually, a room. And then as I grew up: Konoha. And yet, I remained hidden. _

_Where they ashamed of me? Of who I was? Of what I could do? _

_Alone. I wondered._

_Why am I here? Where am I going? Why do I have to do this? Why all this training? _

_I watched sometimes from my window - kids running past, laughing and smiling - and old people holding kids._

_Parents. Family. _

_What were those things?_

_Friends._

_It got worse. Nothing gets better - time showed me that I was different. Odd. Set apart. Not to be mentioned. _

_ANBU seemed my only natural goal. And there… I met him…_

"_I never let my teammates down."_

"_In the ninja world, those that do not follow the rules are called trash. But those that don't take care of their friends are worse than trash."_

"_Yamato. Being a leaf warrior means… seeing all of Konoha as family - as something important to protect."_

_Yamato._

_Tenzo._

_He never forgot me. Never forgot my name… It is all I can do for you, Kakashi - to never forget yours -_

_Raiden._

_Kakashi._

--

"Tenzo?"

Tenzo whipped around kunai in hand - and relaxed - as two soft lips descended onto his. He shifted around to find a better position - and his two hands slowly ran up the pale arms gripping his waist fiercely - slowly ran up to run through long purple hair.

"Uzuki," he breathed. "I -"

"Shh… I don't want any philosophizing or talking tonight."

"Mmmm…."

Once again, their lips met - and their tongues - in an intricate dance, soft and then hard, passionate and burning.

_And it's all thanks to -_

"You're worried," his lover said softly with a sigh. She drew back, her dark eyes filled with concern. "Something wrong?"

"Hmmm… you remember the first day we met?"

"How could I forget? It was - long, long after the death of Kage… years later, I was still depressed and unsociable and stuff -"

She paused, her face softening at the memory.

"I knew that there was temporary peace for the village - back when Tsunade became Kage and Jiraiya-sama took that kid away for awhile. But for me, there was no peace - Hayate's death was very hard for me -"

_--_

_The booth was small and private - as were all the booths at the Dive - the lighting dim. It was comforting. Like being in a cocoon - being back in the womb - safe and dark… but not alone - there were others there._

_Ibiki-san. Yamato-kun. Kakashi-sempai._

--

Uzuki jerked back.

_--_

_Kakashi-sempai…._

--

Tenzo squeezed her hand as he watched her face.

_--_

_He slouched over, hazy to her eye - blurry with sake and tears._

"_Need a hand there, drinking that?"_

_Laconic. A man of few words._

_But it only made her cry harder to see that one eye worried._

_Concerned. Pitying?_

"_I'm fine," she sighed. 'I know how much I can take."_

"_Hmmm… I said that too when my sensei died."_

"_You got drunk?"_

"_Mmmm… well… I joined ANBU…"_

"_Worse, then… Huh."_

"_I know that was a bad choice - it's good to serve where you're needed. But you can't run away -"_

"_I'm still here."_

"_Not really."_

"_Kakashi-sempai. Why are you REALLY here?"_

"_I guess I'm worried. And I know that if you do something stupid just because of revenge or feeling depressed, it'd be a waste of Hayate's love for you - you'll be missed too."_

"_Hn."_

"_Seriously."_

_The sake in her made her blink furiously - batting tears away as a small sort of anger was stoked up._

"_Who? Tell me that? I - I can't even take my revenge for Hayate - there's no solution to the mystery - most likely it was a Sound nin - but what it was a Sand nin - somebody I can't touch now - I vowed an oath and - I can't follow up on it - what - who could miss a dishonorable person like that? You taught us that the best thing a shinobi can be, sempai, is to honor one's relationships -"_

"_Hmmm… yes. But I don't think Hayate would want this for you. And there are others who might be waiting for you -"_

"_Who?"_

"_People who need you to be there for them, who need to be there for you -"_

"_Lead me to one - and it better not be some freak…"_

"_Hmm. No."_

_With that he rose up, snagged the bottle with it's remaining contents and walked away._

"_Hey… sempai. What're you taking that for?"_

"_Your future husband is on the way - you need to prepare for it."_

"_I didn't ask for a husband…" mumbled Uzuki._

--

"And then, you walked over - and sat down and said 'hi' and started to chat to me. I thought you were one weirdo… your eyes… everything… but I figured Kakashi-sempai knew what he was doing so I went along with it… how did he get you to go over there?"

Yamato blushed, glad that the dark hid his red face from Uzuki.

"I-I-I always did l-l-like you…"

"WHAT?"

"Y-yeah… Kakashi-sempai figured it out really fast. And yeah. He kept teasing me about it - and encouraging me to take the chance to get a hottie ANBU chick… but then… you found such peace with Hayate. I knew that he had something better to offer… so I said nothing…"

Uzuki smiled sadly.

"I'm glad I decided to give life a second chance," she said, snuggling closer to him. "Hayate I am sure, rests happier for it."

"AHHHHHHHHH! LOOK! TEN-CHAN HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" Naruto blared, dogging two kunai immediately flying twoard his head.

"Naruto," Sai said quietly. "Don't call him that - only me -"

The dark-haired Jounin dodged another kunai.

"Or maybe not," Sasuke smirked. "At any rate... leave them be... I have better things to do..."

"To be sure," Naruto grinned.

"Like what?" asked Tenzo. "What's your next plan of action?"

"Find Kakashi. I think it's time we talked."

"Hmmm... I'll look around for you," Tenzo offered.

Uzuki nodded.

"I've still got contacts in ANBU," she smiled. "Some one will give me leads, I'm sure..."

Sasuke nodded.

"Thank you. This will be of great help to us."

"What are you going to do NOW, though?" asked Sai.

"Hmmm. Relax. Lyra is meeting me at the club tonight..."

"Oh. I'm going, too," Naruto nodded.

Sai leaned forward and sniffed at the boy.

"You smell..."

"I don't."

"You do."

"I don't! I JUST showered!"

"Ahhh... that must have been the manly scent... it threw me off - and the actual shampoo... who are YOU meeting tonight?"

"Uhhh..."

"Hinata."

"Hinata-san? As in Hyuuga?" Sai whistled. "You boys are sure moving fast... I need to find myself..."

"Forget it. You're too messed up - and all the good ones are taken -"

"Well, there's Hanabi..." Sasuke pointed out.

"I just said the good ones are taken," deadpanned Naruto.

"What's wrong with Hanabi? Is she ugly?" asked Sai as the boys darted away to the opposite end of town.

"Nnnn...no..." Naruto and Sasuke shook their heads.

"Just," Naruto shrugged. "Just acts like a kunai is shoved up her ass..."

"Hmmm... that's a dumb way of putting it..." Sasuke sighed. "But sadly... true..."

Sai blinked.

"Seems like somebody needs to be ironed out."

Sasuke and Naruto glanced at each other, faces struggling to keep from bursting out in laughter.

"You go ahead and try her, Sai. Maybe what she needed was you all along!"

--

_**In through the window  
A moonbeam comes,  
Little gold moonbeam  
With misty wings;  
All silently creeping,  
It asks; "Is he sleeping  
Sleeping and dreaming  
While mother sings?"...**_

--

This was a good choice, Sakura thought to herself for the hundredth time as she threw her bag haphazardly onto her couch.

This apartment was a good choice.

_It's home._

The gentle pale pink-white walls, with stenciled petals along the wall – the dim lighting, the comfy pastel purple couches with the white wood floors –

_It's my home._

_A small part of what I fight for – this space…_

Throwing off her vest, the pink-haired Jounin made her way out to the small balcony which joined the small living room/kitchenette. Standing there, looking over the town, savoring the moonlight, Sakura drew a deep breath.

_It's so fresh – so peaceful… _

Down below, she watched with amusement as Izumo once again dragged a totally stoned Kotetsu home.

"Easy there, buddy…" Izumo was saying, trying to keep Kotetsu's feet moving.

She couldn't help but laugh – Kotetsu was so not going to live this down.

_--_

_That's what we're all here for, though. To help each other along… to carry each other's burdens… wasn't it just today that Uzuki came in – all bubbly because Tenzo was coming back. She said –_

_She said –_

_Love is what makes the world go round. It's a saying, she said._

_Sounds like something that Shino would dig out of one of his books…_

_Still… even if it's a cliché – it's true… mmmm… I wish…_

--

Sakura, looking over the roofs, feeling the gentle air on her face, longed for someone – but –

_--_

_It can't just be anyone, huh, Sakura-chan?_

"_Since when did you get so particular?" Shizune had asked her earlier that day. _

_Ino had shook her head._

"_Hmmm… I think SOMEONE has a crush!"_

"_No way!" Shizune said eagerly leaning forward. "Who's the lucky guy?"_

_Sakura blinked and then sighed._

"_No one."_

_--_

_No one._

_In particular…_

_Well…_

_Perhaps –_

_Perhaps, Shizune – Ino – perhaps this moonlight would be prettier, if he was there –_

_If he was here, beside me – just beside me, even reading his porn…_

_Maybe… then…_

Sakura shook her head, resting her forehead on her arms.

_Get your act together girl! Being weepy isn't going to get him beside you any faster… Tomorrow, you've got a lot to do! _

With that, she turned, hesitating once more in the doorway to savor the last of the moonlight before turning into bed.

Lying there under soft flowered cotton sheets, the Jounin sighed.

_Love makes the world go round, eh, Uzuki?_

--

"You know, Kakashi," Yukio sighed. "There's something about the moon –"

"Don't tell me you're getting soft in your old age…" Kakashi snorted derisively, landing lightly on a branch somewhere above his comrade.

"Doesn't it get to you? The moon? The stars? So pure – so untouchable – so beautiful… you wonder how they stay in place – how they got there –"

"That's easily –"

"No… what if – were they made? Did they REALLY slowly come from nothing to evolve to into these beautiful lights? Is that why we feel so lonely under them?"

Kakashi sighed.

"Let's stop here for the night," he said shortly. "Tomorrow, we'll finish the journey…"

"Okay." Yukio sighed. "Who's on first watch?"

"Me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Yukio found a niche at the bottom of the tree, and throwing a blanket over himself, settled down for his four hours of sleep.

Kakashi watched his mate fall asleep – the quick breath slowing down into a gentle snore.

_Hmph._ He snorted to himself. _Idiot. Babbling like a love sick fool about the moon…_

After double checking the area (the wood was silent except for the occasional insect buzz), Kakashi ranged around the site, checking out his parameters – and in doing so, discovered the edge of the cliffs they were heading for earlier that day.

Looking down at the trees and the broad river flowing over the waterfall – down – down in a roar – the moonlight dancing like a thousand spirits on the water –

The trees dark and looming – no, they were a soft, fuzzy blanket over the land –

And the dark mountains, tall and craggy to the west, provided an even more beautiful panorama – the tips glinting with a bit of remaining snow.

Above him, spread out in their beautiful dance, the stars twinkled softly and the moon seemed to reach down to him –

_I wish –_

Something in him welled up – in the silences –

_Damn! How I hate those –_

Something coming up for air, awakening.

He squeezed his eyes shut, fiercely.

_I wish –_

_I wish they could see this with me._

_There… I said it._

_No._

_I wish –_

_What do I wish –_

_I wish –_

_She –_

_I wish she could see it here with me – hand in hand – to enjoy this silence…_

_Where is she I wonder – _

_Hm. Perhaps… Father… you were right…_

--

…_..maybe one day, you'll remember. You'll remember. One day, you'll meet the one you love – her eyes will swallow you up. They will be great pools of joy and happiness. You'll sink beneath the waves – you'll lose your soul to her_

_--_

_Perhaps…_

_She is here –_

_All along._

_--_

_You see, Kakashi. Your heart is a door. And only one person has that key. And when they die, that door is shut forever. There is no going back. So I remember…_

_--_

_**Where my darling lies….**_

He stood there for a long time, watching the pale face drift across the sky. It was useless to wake Yukio.

Sleep would never come to him that night.

His heart wasn't there.

It was –

_**Swinging in the nest**_

_**Where my darling lies…**_

_**---**_

_**But sleep, little pigeon,  
And fold your wings,  
Little blue pigeon  
With mournful eyes;  
Am I not singing? --  
See, I am swinging --  
Swinging the nest  
Where my darling lies. **_

**--**

**HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? NICE? AWESOME? HORRIBLE? CONFUSING! **

**READ AND REVIEW! **

**IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR FREE ENTERTAINMENT!**

_**--**_

_**NEXT UP:**_

_**Kakashi and Yukio's mission to Rock is revealed, how do these two shinobi cope with each other – considering their ugly pasts?**_


	26. Masks

**WELL... here it is...**

**Hope you like!**

**Tell me what you think!**

**To be honest, the last chapter was ... slow... is a nice way of saying it. Some people liked it - but hopefully this will be a nice change! **

**SO READ AND REVIEW PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!**

**I always like to hear from new people - and old people! And people who haven't reviewed in a while... it doesn't matter! And I don't mind criticism as long as it's constructive! Or rants. Or raves. Or just a conversation about random things like how hot Izumo and Kotetsu are in the newest manga chapter... (drool)**

**Ok. Onto my reviewers!**

-----------------------------------------------------------

_Fur All Over: I'm sorry about your computer! I just got a new one! Totally rad, too with a wide flat screen monitor and all... wee! I'm glad you enjoyed!_

_Alexis Walker: I'm glad you're enjoying the chapters I've put up. I kinda am slow updating mediaminer, so here's the best place to be, really, when it comes to GL! Hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_Kokis: To be honest, last chapter blowed chunks in my opinion. My off day, I guess... all writers get them, I think... I'm no exception, huh... yeah... it was slow and boring... (my words) but hopefully this picks up the plot a little! I'm glad you like the Sai and Yamato/Tenzo parts. It's kinda confusing the fact that he has two names, but then, that's ANBU for you - making all these complications. And Sai's name isn't his real name either, apparently... but to heck with the names, huh... You're right about Uzuki! HAHAHA! Good memory there. Not alot of people will pick up on that, I think...Hope this chapter is better!_

_mahoakitti: Yeah... the chapter was definitely introspective... hopefully more of a mood setter... Hmmm.. yeah... it's cool that I've gone back to chatting, huh? Yeah. I love talking to my reviewers, who I view as important acquaintances. Thanks for reviewing, even tho the chapter wasn't up to par!_

_sakura hatake kakashi'sgrl: Thanks! Hope you can rave about this one!_

_Prescripto13: A NEW REVIEWER! YAY! I love hearing from new people! I'm glad I was able to help you 'escape'. Escapism was one of the 3 functions of fairy tale according to Tolkien - and I'm glad I was able to successfully recreate a world that was believable! I hope you enjoy this installment! _

_Jemiul: You're awesome to be so encouraging! Regulars like you really drive me on to finish this massive epic! I hope you enjoy this action-packed piece... (oops! I better sign off before I spoil anything else!)_

_zenna: hahaha! That's awesome! It's nice to know my writings are addictive. I'm glad you liked the Yamato/Tenzo side jaunt. It was a real experimentation piece b/c it's hard (for me) to properly characterize somebody so new - and I wanted it just right! (I also wanted the same for Sai, who's getting his own fan club too!) Personally. I really ADORE Yamato. I'd like more YamaKakas... (not just YAOI... I wrote a piece for him, actually... called 'Only One Left', I think...) Anyway, on to the story!_

_sabireru: hahahah! Of all the people, your expections are probably spot on! Hope you enjoy this Kaka-Saku-Yukio bit coming up! I love the 3 when they interact... and of course as time passes on, there's more at stake. I'm sorry about the hectic-ness of school. I hope it goes well for you. I'm starting 2/3rd year of university - and already I'm behind on my readings... (sweatdrops) I seriously need to control my anime intake... but between fanfic, fanart, AMVs... I just have no time..._

_darkflameangel: I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. It was the hardest to write to date (for some reason) and I had the worst time writing it... I think people could tell too... but I'm glad you could relate to the whole moonlight thing. I really LOVE moonlight and the moon and planets and stuff... space was always interesting to me (hence my star wars, star trek interest...) I love sci-fi etc... and yeah, the feelings of loneliness in the night is very common - and Yukio isn't the only one feeling alone too... did you ever see Loveless... well, you might not swing into the SHOUTA type of anime/manga, but there was this one episode/chapter that dealt with feelings of loneliness and the chapter was called 'sleepless'... v. interesting... glad you enjoyed my characterizations! hope you enjoy this update!_

_shadow dragon boss: Yep. It was a boring chapter. Even I've admitted it several times. But I'm glad that the characterizations of Yamato and Sai were cool. I hope this chapter is a welcome change! hahaha! ACK-SHUN!_

_lotisflower: I'm glad that it was an awesome chapter in your opinion! If you ever find anything confusing, I hope you'll PM me or put it in the review, I never get huffy about people who are confused or dissatisfied about points or anything. I love explaining myself! Alot. I love chatting too! And I find that if people tell me where it's confusing that is only a challenge for me to write better in the future and to rewrite that part...The only thing I dislike are people who say dumb or rude things... but other than that, I'm glad you enjoyed!_

_emerald lady: Hmmm... what part exactly did you find confusing? That way, I can go back and change it if I can! Alot of people seem to find it confusing... so I'd like to fix it if possible. I hope this chapter isn't so confusing._

_I can't believe I'm not anime: ahahaha! yeah! I'm glad you're anticipating my stuff - this chapter is worthwhile 'Yaying' about... I think... (sweatdrops)... Um. Yeah. Yamato and Sai... I was worried they'd be off, but they don't seem to be too bad... so I think I'll be able to work with them some more. Hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_sweetassassin: Yes. Some of my chapters are quite teary aren't they? This one isn't one of those! But I'm hoping people will enjoy it just as much! It'll be a welcome change, ne? _

_eyeliner0tears: Thank you so much for your rant! It's encouraging to know that this fic still has the ability to make people babble even though it's huge and cumbersome! I'm glad you enjoyed ALL aspects of it - and yes, I do like to break the genre-barriers! hahaha! I want people to laugh AND cry when they read my stuff! I'm glad you like the characters and the situations I put them - I try to be as canon as I can but also be interesting and new! And as for the romance - it's going to be a slow progression - but it will happen! This chapter is just one more step in that direction! Hope you enjoy it! THANKS AGAIN!_

_Kasai Ame: Thanks for the suggestion re 'sweatdropping'... I don't know what to call it though... and since I emulate Naruto as much as I can, it's kinda hard to write the story without that action happening... Is it 'wincing'? Or something else? Hmmm... must think on it... As for the dark chappies - yes, they DO tend to get confusing b/c they get really 'stream-of-consciousness', don't they? That's what happens when you're an English Lit student who has to study post-modern fiction... like "The English Patient"... and stuff like that... I find though that when people find it confusing that is a challenge for me to write better - my mind is one big hodge podge of images... so I really need to learn to sort them out and take my time with each picture! I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter. I found it really slow... but hopefully this upcoming chapter will have the 'oomph' that was missing in the last one... Until next time!_

-----------------------------------------------------------

**WARNINGS: Violence. Swearing. Angst. Hilarity. The usual.**

**"Ballad of Farewell" written by moi! hee!**

**Last chapter, the intervening poetry was a Japanese Lullaby... not written by me...**

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't own Naruto.

**Chapter 26**

**Masks**

_**what did she say to you**_

"On days like these," Old Man Jinchiro sighed contentedly. "How can one NOT be happy?"

He slid one of his shoji pieces forward.

His opponent glared, firm lips turned down in a frown of concentration, as he tried to ignore his half-pissed fellow mates. Runing his hands through wild black hair, the young man sighed.

"Maa, maa... can't we just stop here for today?" he whined. "I swear... all this thinking wears me out..."

"What?" his close friend, Rikki choked on his mouthful of sake. "And give up a weekend of free sake? Free!"

"He's right, Raiden-san..." another man chuckled. "You are, perhaps, the closest one yet to Jinchiro's stash..."

Raiden-san slumped down.

"WAAHH! Even my friends abandon me with no shame!"

"Suck it up!"

"You can't give up now, mama's boy!"

"Remember your goal!"

"The drink, man, think of the drink!"

"And even so..." Raiden scratched his head morosely as his one remaining eye (the other one had been lost in a childhood accident) lingered over the old board."I'm not much of a drinker myself..."

His friend sighed.

Jinchiro chuckled.

"Well... young one... if you wish to rest from this battle, feel free." He smiled. "The mature know when the time has come to lay down their swords -"

"I hate fighting talk..." grumbled his opponent lazily. "Hnnn... how should I say this... it's intimidating!" Raiden pouted. "And I'm not a brat to talk down to!"

"Yes, you are, mama's boy!" A man bellowed into his ear, while slinging a big arm around the newest worker for Kuro-sama's farm.

"I'm not a mama's boy, dammit! Get your arm off me!"

"Listen, kiddo... don't think we don't know... your friend here told us all about it..." A big hairy farmer laughed and belched, rubbing his beer belly.

"RIKKI!"

His friend sighed.

"It wasn't me..."

"Nooo... it was the DRINK!"

Raiden snatched the sake bottle out of his friend's lax fingers and swigged it down with one gulp, banging it down theatrically on the creaky wooden tables.

The stained ivory tiles shifted, Jinchiro calmly slid them back into place. His watery brown eyes watched with humor as Raiden tried to swat the crooning men away.

"You're just running from a hot fiancee and an angry old man... we've heard stories like that before..."

"It's not your buisness..."

"Maybe not... but you're educated - and you're the only one to break Jinchiro's expertise. No way are you giving up for us!"

Their dark haired mate glared at them, turned his attention to the board and then, after a moment's pause, slid a piece forward. Jinchiro merely raised an bushy grey eyebrow as Raiden calmly said, "Check."

"Hmmmm..."

"You said something about a rest earlier... old man... perhaps you should take it."

"I'm THAT OLD YET! But still..." The elder shrugged. "Drinks all around - especially for friend Raiden here."

"Don't cheat, geezer!"

"Hey! You KNOW how Raiden gets..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**what did she say to you**_

_**under that tree**_

_**the green green tree**_

_**with the pink blossoms blowing away in the wind**_

_**what did she say**_

"Eh, boss?" A servant asked as Kuro-sama and Jinchiro watched the workers stumble off into the night - to their - no doubt - dingy bachelor quarters in the gloomy apartment blocks several hills below.

"It's nothing," Kuro-sama murmured shifting slightly to stare morosely at the loose weave of his living room's mat.

_**what did she say**_

"You may leave for the evening, Suo."

"Hai!"

The soft sad crooning continued as the servant left swiftly, sliding the door shut. The haunting melody fell into the silence like pearlescent rain falling off green leaves. Cold. Alone. Sad.

_**what did she say to you**_

Kuro stirred, turning his dark eyes on his elderly companion - his farm's supervisor - Jinchiro. Eyes never straying from the stumbling drunks, trying to find their way home -

_"Hey, hey, don' - don' throw up there 'n s-s-san'll ge-get 'ngry..."_

_"Shaddup... ngnnn... I'm goin' t'die, eh... Raid- Rai-kuuunnn..."_

_"Aw! I tol' - told you to-to shlow down on th'drinks..."_

_"You shou' tal'..."_

_"I'm walkin'! An' dr-draggin' yer sorry... ash... ass.. You're heavy..."_

"It's sad."  
The singing stopped.

There was a silence.

Jinchiro stirred.

"Sad? What? Their existence? Aimlessness? Hopelessness?"

"No. I meant the song. But that, too."

"You've never heard it?"

"Nnn.. no."

"It's a ballad," Jinchiro sighed watching the fireflies come out to dance - little fires in the night, the glow seemed homely. "Of love lost. Or rather, love that never was..."

"Sad."

"Hmmm... one wonders... if it never was, could love then even be missed? Would you know what you're missing?"

"I think -"

Kuro shifted again, plucking thoughtfully on his intricately decorated yukata's sleeves. A thread was coming loose...

"I think that anyone who has no love, still knows it. How can one not?"

Jinchiro nodded.

Kuro smiled.

"It's been a year for you here -"

"I know."

"And still you won't make a move -"

Jinchiro tilted his graying head thoughtfully.

"They've been here for two weeks now - have fitted in totally... it's amazing... time erases all memory. Eventually... It's like water running over a rock, wearing it away. Until it is nothing but a pebble."

"You're speaking in riddles. Again."

The elderly man shrugged.

"My time, as I have said, has come. I laid down the sword. But still... I know what must be done. And what I need has come. As I thought it would... eventually..."

"What would come?" asked the wealthy rice farmer curiously.

"A warrior with the impenetrable mask."

"WHAT? THERE'S -"

"Tch. Be quiet. It's just - a hunch..."

"A hunch?"

"It absolutely necessary to keep one's tongue during this time... but if what I think has started to happen... things might not be so bad..." The shoji champion nodded. "Mmmm... not so bad at all..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The melancholy whistle rang through his head irritatingly. Rikki wondered what was up with the old geezer - to look so melancholy...

_Well... to be honest... in life, shit happens and we never understand all those layers of life that surround us - _

His dark eyes shifting to his fellow planter beside him, standing ankle deep in the rice paddy, hands muddy, pants tied up at his knees - Rikki watched his friend's pensive face. Firm lips pursed in thought, a well-defined profile, stubborn chin -

_Like him..._

_Take off the masks and still - what do you get? Another one - damn him..._

_And yet... that's what makes him so beautiful._

----------------------------------------------------------------------

_It's sad. I wonder what the word's are_, wondered Raiden as he took a small sprout from his partner in crime. He paused in his work to stare down at his reflection in the water.

_I can hardly recognize myself... _

His lips quirked up in a silent chuckle as he laughed at his mud smudged face - but it soon died away -

_When has there ever been a time when I've been comfortable with who I am? Who I represent - who I look like - I've always been hiding away..._

He could see them - could hear them -

-----------------

_"Looks just like his father - isn't he so handsome?"_

_----------------_

_"Looks just like his father - most likely end up like him too - and good riddance, if he isn't any different..."_

_----------------_

_"White Fang!" The old lady burst out - before streaking across the bare room, killing intent flowing off her in waves. Her following apology didn't really mean anything either._

_He accepted it anyway. All of it. Scene and apology._

_Be he wondered._

_Am I to blame, really? Logically, no. It was my father who killed this Sand elder's child... still... there's this burden I bear..._

_---------------_

_That's what I get for this white shock of hair. Even the mask..._

----------------

The haunting whistle blew away in the wind over the rice paddy, most of the men just grunted, a few like Rikki glared from under their brown hats. Raiden didn't mind.

_It reminds me of mother -_

----------------------------

_"Kashi-kun. You're my handsome little man, yes you are!"_

_"We're moving for you, Kashi-kun! My little handsome scarecrow!"_

_"Don't CALL me that mom! I'm a big boy!"_

_"Yes you are! My little man. You'll take care of mommy, right?"_

----------------------------

_It reminds me of Sakura._

----------------------------

_"Kakashi. Come back. We miss you."_

_Her warmth under the trees in the peaceful glade... _

_----------------------------_

His body ached for it - but with a quick shake to his head, he shoved the thought away.

_I've got a mission. Missions come first... dammit..._

Yukio, watching his partner, frowned.

_It's that bitch..._

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three nights later, Rikki was out with a pack of men drinking, while Raiden found a quiet spot to play a hardcore game of shoji with Jinchiro. Once again on the smooth planks of Kuro-sama's veranda; Raiden wondered about that.

_Perhaps... he likes to watch a good game of shoji... and then... I guess that the lord of the land can't play with a commoner. I guess that politics of a farm is a bit more complex than I can imagine. Still... it might just be Rock culture..._

He mused over the board, deep in thought.

_I'll lose that piece if I move it there but then... the path would be opened._

"It's beautiful," Jinchiro sighed, looking out over the town.

Raiden followed his line of sight.

_The old geezer is right_, he agreed.

Behind majestic mountains, the sun set casting its last rays over the kage's offices, the schools and the important official buildings (like the hospital) which lay snuggled on the mountain high above the town.

_A nice vantage point really..._

_Tough to get at..._

Below the buildings on smaller hills and the mountain's outcroppings lay the rest of the town with winding dirt streets between clustered slanting shops and dingy apartment buildings. On the some of the side hills lay the more important dojos and mansions - Kuro-sama had one of the bigger ones, with a vista probably on par with the kage's office. Below lay the all important fields and paddies and the small hamlets of the super poor labourers.

The rough houses, the barren fields, the shops, the roads, the silent people and the imposing buildings all gathered some sort of nostalgic glow under the gold.

"It's nice," Raiden said, after a moment. He turned back to the ground. "But it's so - silent..."

"Yes. War, young man, does not have a good effect on everybody."

"Hmmm... war, eh? It reached here?"

"I don't know where YOU'VE been, but yes... even here..."

"Wow... You guys don't really look it -"

"Well... we had a lot of funding from people who took interest in our status as ninja village. Our kage was able to find good contacts in the government for funding and the buildings managed to slowly get rebuilt... but... now..." The old man shrugged. "With the kage gone... who knows what will happen next..."

"What? The kage is gone?" Raiden said in a genuinely shocked voice. "How - why - where -"

"It's a secret only the uppers know... who knows really... he went to sign a treaty and never came back. It's rumored that Leaf nins killed him..."

"No way!"

_Hell! _

"Hmmm... well... you're Rock now... so it's okay to say it... but some say that with Sound gone, the Leaf village have nothing standing in their way - they'll take everything over!"

"Really?" asked Raiden neutrally. "I don't - that doesn't sound like their thing... I mean... I thought they were peaceful and stuff..."

"They have jinchuuriki... kami knows what else..."

"Uhhh..."

"But then... maybe it's all a lie... I think so... of course, no one cares what an old man thinks... but hey, whatever."

"You don't think Leaf did it?"

"Nah. I've been to Konoha myself."

"Really?"

"A long time ago..."

"Huh. They seemed nice?"

"Well... we DID make a treaty that time with them to never fight against each other again. I would have thought this new treaty would be another formality..."

"But they teamed up with Sound a couple of times, didn't they?"

"I don't know about that... still..."

"So if the kage's gone, who's commanding the nins around here - are the village elders choosing somebody new?"

"I'm only a farm labourer," Jinchiro huffed, folding his arms. "I'm not on the council... but... I HAVE seen some of the new leaders..."

"Ah..."

Both lapsed into a silence filled with deep thoughts. Jinchiro eventually moved another piece and the game restarted. An hour passed slowly by punctuated by a dissection of weather, sake, sakura blossoms in jam, the program for the next week at work and war's effects on shinobi.

"Men of war - yes - they have -" The older player shrugged. "How can I say this - a mask?"

"Mask?"

"Mask. Yes. That is what is best to describe it..."

"Like Rock ANBU?"

"No. Not a physical one, young one - one in the eyes."

"Oh. Really."

"It's true. And this you can learn to see - if you can see into the eyes -"

"Brr.. that sounds... creepy..."

"You think so? It's true - they have the eyes of the dead."

"All shinobi have this? Senshi doesn't -"  
"Senshi-kun isn't battle hardened. He's young yet. Those have eyes - they shine like jewels."

"You're sure poetic today, oji-san."

"Well... you don't seem to have a balanced view of war..."

"Ah. That's probably because I've not yet been a war."

"That's -" Jinchiro moved a piece forward contemplatively.

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Tell me."

"Rai-kun..." The old man closed his eyes. "Don't ever wear that mask."

"I -"

"Be open for as long as you can. Seriously."

"I don't -"

"You don't want to become the devil with black holes for eyes..."

"Black holes? What the hell -"

"Hm. Here they are..." Jinchiro said, with a grunt, cocking his eyebrows with a small jerk of his chin. "Speaking of the devils... but don't look like you're looking. They're a suspicious bunch."

Raiden, chin in his hand, cocked an eyebrow in affirmation and twisted casually around to take a look at the new management of Rock.

His black eye widened.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_This is one shitty place_, Kakashi sighed, staring up at their stained apartment ceiling, from (what he considered) their cramped queen-sized bed.

"Move over..." he grunted. "You're hogging the mattress again. And the sheets!"

Yukio fake whimpered.

"It's because you won't move closer!"

"Who wants to get close with you?"  
"So cold!"

"Damn right - and I'm freezing with half a sheet! Move over - dammit!"

The (now) brown-haired ANBU moved over and allowed more sheet to slip from his grasp. Instead of turning his back though, as he normally did, Kakashi just lay there on his back, shoulder to shoulder with his teammate.

"Something up?" asked Yukio, curiously. "How did the shoji match go? You win yet?"

"Hmmm... how can I say this?" Kakashi sighed. "It's not important in the scheme of things."

"What's up? What's up with you?"

"Stop hanging over me - get your hair out of my eyes."

"You're not answering me."

"I saw the new management of Rock."

"What?"

"I said. I saw the new management of Rock."

"What do you mean - NEW management?"

"The kage's disappeared."

"No way! The old geezer is gone?"

"He was old?"

"Yeah! Like... he should've retired looonnngg ago... don't you know?"

"Hmmm... I didn't think they'd keep the same guy..."

"He had smarts. He was just new when Rock and Konoha started the war - he took over the position when Rock's kage died in the war - right?"

"Yeah. It was he who actually listened to reason and surrendered and signed that piece of paper. You think I'd forget that war?" Kakashi asked.

"Uhhh..." Yukio stuttered. "W-w-well... there's THAT too..."

_Damn. I forgot about Rin and Obito and all that shit..._

"Well... he was around - but - you say he's gone?" Yukio rolled onto his side to watch Kakashi better.

The nin still had his eye patch on, and from the outline of his profile, appeared to be frowning.  
"Hmmm... according to Jinchiro, the higher ups here blame Konoha."

"That would explain... stuff..."

"Yep. But... from Jinchiro, I feel that the average nin and civilian around here, don't think that's the case."

"How'd you figure that?"

"By who's managing it."

"Who's managing it?"

"GET AWAY! Stop grabbing my arm like that!"

"Because the suspense is killing me, you bastard."

"Stop shouting! The walls are so damn thin!"

Yukio sighed and fell back.

"Okay," he said, voice dead serious. "Who is it?"

"I saw two of the three," Kakashi said. "According to Jinchiro there are three of them."

"Three?"

"Yes."

_Grey hair and glasses._

_Blue-grey hair and short sharp fangs..._

"Who?"

"The worst combination ever -"

_Kabuto._

_Kisame._

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"WHAT THE HELL?"

" I know... I know..."

"That MAKES no SENSE!"

"Yeah..."

"I thought he died in the Battle at Konoha's Gates..."

"I guess you can't trust rumors..."

"I don't know what to think... we've got to tell Tsunade-sama right away," Yukio sighed.

"Kami knows what's happening..."

"They're running Rock... shit... hey... did they ID you?"

"Hmmm..." Kakashi sighed. "Probably not - I was sitting in the shadows on the Kuro-sama's porch... I don't think they looked my way..."

"Shit." Yukio said after a pause.

Watching the moon rise up to shine weakly through the smudged glass of their tiny bedroom window, the two men were silent.

"Shit."

"I know. It's unreal."

"How are we going to get word to her?"

"What can we say?"

"Good point..."

"I'd say nothing yet," Kakashi shifted onto his side. A signal for sleep. "I think we need to get some proof and build contacts…"

"Hmmm… too true… but any moment longer here is a risk. They KNOW you. Hair dye isn't going to fool a medic."

"Yeah," Kakashi said, pushing away some foreign constriction in his chest. "I know."

"We don't –"

"Just be quiet."

Yukio watched Kakashi's back as the Copy Nin slowly let himself fall asleep.

_Not like last time._

--------------------------------------------------------------

_**what did she say to you**_

_**above your grave**_

_**with the green green grass**_

_**gently swaying over you - bending to the wind**_

_**what did she say**_

"The people are restless," a light voice noted with a sigh.

"People? Who cares?" grunted the third.

"Why else do we do what we do? To rule – or to be ruled – that is the question of this life, is it not?"

"Speaking in riddles again, huh? Idiot. Life doesn't have to be that complicated."

"That's because you are still tied to that shadow master of yours…"

"You think you live in freedom now – friend?"

"HEEYYYY!" The third voice put in, turning away from the scene spread out below him to raise a grey eyebrow at his two partners-in-crime.

Sitting there in silence, he toyed with the smallest of his many rings – a silver band on a slim ring finger. Even in the dark, the jewels on his cuffs and collar glinted.

His companions shuddered.

_Creepy…_

"Let's not get torn apart here by some non-issue." The young lord's cheery laugh seemed out of place.

It was enough to calm them – they took their places on either side of him to join him in his ever watchful perusal of the village which crazily blanketed the small mountains and hills below them.

"It's true that the people need to be brought into line. And then there's the village elders. They wish to vote Kuro-sama as replacement for Zurba. NOT what I want. Kuro-sama is too… how can I say this… discerning. I don't like his eyes."

"What do you think then?" asked the first, shifting a pair of glasses more firmly onto his nose. "Assassination?"

"First. Surveillance. I think that's best. And then we can tell the people he's plotting with Leaf. While I get the support of the elders to get the kage seat."

"Sounds like a good plan," growled the other, baring a toothy smile. "I'll look to our defenses in the meantime."

-------------------------------------------------

"A month's gone by now," sighed Rikki, hefting up a load of mud onto the rickety wheelbarrow beside him. "Look at my tan!"

"Only you'd think of things like that…"

"Well… it's just – you're so pale –"

"I'll tan –"

"Sure…"

"I do."

"Uh-huh – and what do you call that –"

"OW! Don't touch me!"

"You're burning yourself!" Rikki leaned forward with a frown. "I'll put lotion on it for you later!"

"I didn't ask –"

They fell into silence again as a load of men passed by – a group of ninjas stalking over the fields led by a tall, grey-haired man with glasses and a ponytail. Rikki checked the ninja out, appreciatively. Tall, muscular, wiry, light-weight – a perfect combination of speed and power –

_And if the record was right – medical know-how._

_Tch. It's such a pain to have them –_

_Why ARE they breathing over our necks like this anyway?_

_Kakashi… you better –_

His partner, head down studiously, was staggering from cart to field with the large boxes of equipment. "Rikki" decided to join him.

In the middle of the rice paddy, the group of shinobi stood there, watching for a couple of minutes before leaving.

"You think they guessed," breathed Rikki.

"Shut up," whispered Raiden. "Just –"

Later that afternoon, another band of shinobi passed through without comment - darting black blurs across the fields.

"Is something up, Jinchiro-san?" asked Raiden carefully as he walked past the old man's supervisor's position on his way to lunch.

The old man sighed.

"Kuro-sama is being watched by the counsel. They say he's in collusion with the Leaf!"

"No way!"

The men around him murmured uneasily.

"Leaf? I heard about them –"

"Their nins are strong –"

"Jinchuuriki too, I hear…"

"No. That's only a legend –"

"Stop scaring yourselves!"

"I've been there before. Nice place. Good ramen."

"But Kuro-sama. He's good to the people!"

"There's no way he's bad."

"It must be a mistake!"

Jinchiro shrugged.

"I'm just an old man, not the uppers – who's to know what's REALLY happening."

Raiden sighed.

"It's weird having them watch us…"

As his shoji opponent walked away, Jinchiro once again started to tunelessly whistle.

_**What did she say –**_

_What're you going to do –_

_Kakashi-kun?_

----------------------------------------------------------------

"It's only a matter of time... we just need to find two "suspects". Any ideas?"

"You got a list of his men already?"

"Hmmm... what's the use of controlling this town if you don't know the people? Here are the files."

Seated around a low table, sipping on sake the three men perused the pages, staring thoughtfully at the accompanying photos.

"That's -"

"What? You found -"

"That's -"

Glasses glinted as a mouth smirked viciously.

"That's the man we need."

A ringed finger shot out and pulled the photo towards him.

"Let's see..."

A pause.

"Now that's... interesting... 'Raiden', huh..."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Raiden was considering the sacrifice of a piece (another 'to the death duel' of shoji with Jinchiro), but he hesitated.

_It's not a hundred percent chance that it'll be the path to checkmate..._

"It's hard to take chances, eh?" inquired Jinchiro. "To take chances - for you or for your teammates?"

"I don't know... stop distracting me, old geezer."

"You would risk your life to save a friend?"

"Hmmm..." Raiden paused at the serious look in the man's eye. "Uh... yeah... why -"

"Look to your right -"

Jinchiro whistled brightly as Raiden moved another piece forward and then casually turned to the right. The view wasn't much different - busy dingy town, towering mountains, broad fields -

And a squadron of nins making a slow progression up the mountain. As if they were going for a walk.

Or not.

ANBU never just go out for a walk.

Raiden knew that...

Rikki, who had been chatting up a chick, moved away towards the veranda uncertainly.

"Are they coming for Kuro-sama?" he hissed. "Or -"

"Or what?" asked the old man. "Check."

Raiden shifted a tile taking out the old man's piece.

"Or not."

"Hm."

"Why would they have come so soon?" Kuro-sama rubbed his chin. "I think this is even a bit too hasty for the Council of Seven."

"You mean the Council of Three," corrected Jinchiro dryly. "The other four eat out of their hand. If they want to do away with a voice of reason, they have all the power in the world - and you're helpless against ANBU nin like that."

"Yeah... that's a lot of nin - they're either on a mission that just happens to be past this house or -"

"Sure, Raiden. You go think that," his partner retorted.

"You said that Leaf wasn't into war," Jinchiro suddenly spoke up as the nins increased their pace up the side of the mountain.

"Yeah..."

"Perhaps then, it would be good then to take Kuro-sama as a delegate to Leaf - to protect him so that he might report and get help to come back and put the rightful kage in his place. With the political support of Rock's Country, of course."

"Uh..." Rikki said, tossing a cigarette outside. "What makes you think we can do this job for you, old man?"

"Hmm... let just say I have great faith in the Copy Nin to complete his job."

There was a pause.

Raiden chuckled.

"You're one crazy old man!"

"They're coming. What's it to be?"

Raiden looked at Rikki, who shrugged.

"Sure. Whatever."

"He'll slow us down."

"One of us will have to stay behind."

"Nonsense. This is all nonsense!" Kuro-sama said harshly, standing up. "There's no way this man is -"

His voice trailed off as Kakashi lifted his eyepatch revealing a scarred eyelid and cheek - and then opening the eye - the Sharingan.

"Sharingan!"

"Yeah..."

"Rikki. You get the guy out of here... I'll follow behind. I'm going to send Pakkun ahead to warn our backup group at the border. Tsunade said she'd give us an ANBU back up team and a team of Jounin as well... Send up a flare, contact them and return to back me up when you can..."

"They're coming."

"Go through the back door and get away before they suspect you -"

"What about weaponry?" asked Kuro-sama. "I've got some in the house..."

"I'm getting it," Rikki said, disappearing into the house.

"I can't leave you here, old man!" Kuro frowned. "If they find out -"

"I'm FINE! You're not! Move!"

Kuro sighed and followed Rikki.

Kakashi turned away with a sharp frown.

He shrugged.

_Whatever..._

"Kakashi..."

"Eh? How did -"

"You remind me alot like your father - he was a great shoji player too."

"Tch. Now's not the time to reminisce -"

"I just wanted to say that -"  
"Say that I'm like my father? Heh. I hear that every day - in my head - in my memory," Kakashi ended in a whisper, eyes staring blankly into space.

"I remember seeing him once on a mission before his death - his eyes - don't let his eyes become like yours, Hatake-san. He seemed to find so much hope in you - don't -"

"I have to go," Kakashi said, turning and jumping away.

"Farewell, young one."

Kakashi paused.

"Checkmate, old man. I get your sake when I come around."

The old man stared down at the board and chuckled - minutes later, the ANBU passed him without pause as he sat there deep in thought.

"Indeed... so it is... young one..."

Kabuto, landing on the veranda, frowned as the old man sighed.

"You were talking to them - the fugitives from Konoha -" His eyes narrowed, voice sharp with suspicion.

Jinchiro whined and bowed.

"WHAT? They were -"

"Tch..." Kabuto rolled his eyes. "Indeed. Did they drop any hints, old geezer?"  
Jinchiro shivered.

"To an old man like me? I was merely his farm subordinate... I sadly have no idea. They entered the house and that's the last I've seen. Oh dear, oh dear... Kuro-sama is gone? What to do?"

"Hmph..." Kabuto turned away. "I'll have you know that you were talking to the great Copy Nin no less - you'd have been killed."

"Oh my!"

"Indeed."

"No wonder he was such a good shoji player!"

The grey-haired medic smirked, darting away without another word; Jinchiro, watching him disappear into the lightly wooded side of the mountain, wished Kakashi luck. He turned away with a soundless sigh -

A tuneless whistle sounded across the village -

_**What did she say**_

_**What did she say**_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ok! We split here! I'm going to ambush them - you go on ahead as fast as you can!"

Kakashi nicked his thumb and summoned Pakkun.

"Here. He'll run ahead and sniff out our mates in the forest. That way we can forgo the whole flare thing."

"Right! Keep your head, Kakashi! I don't want to have to travel to hell to kick your ass home!"

"Who's the ass?"

Yukio slung Kuro over his shoulder and unceremoniously jumped off.

"Shut up."

Turning away with a chuckle at the sight of his ex-employer's frightened face, Kakashi didn't waste time to watch Yukio disappear into the distance.

He had work to do.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We've been traveling now for quite a while and have met no resistance. Over and out."

"Keep your eye out. For any traps. Be careful. This is S-level resistance we're facing here!"

"Roger that!"

The two squadrons of four bounded through the trees seperated by several yards.

"Wait - there seems to be a mass of chakra up ahead... they had a backup group already?"

"Shit. Konoha has TOTALLY attacked us without reason..."

All chakra flares blinked.

"Hell... they've gone into hiding. Ambush no doubt. Let's spread out into two teams and search for them. Be careful. The Copy Nin is somewhere out there..."

"Hai!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Kakashi hid his kage bunshin well - three groups of three in among the bushes. Ready and waiting. Summoning five other larger dog, he spread them out in front, while hiding his bunshins in behind...

The plan was simple.

_Never play against a shoji champion... all those days gaming with Shikamaru were paying off... heh. But then, this isn't really play, is it, Kakashi-kun? I'm fighting here for -_

_Not just Leaf._

_You don't have to worry Yukio._

_It will never happen again._

The eight nins appeared in the clearing, pausing to gain their bearings, suddenly two were falling over with kunai in their throats. The remaining six armed themselves, jumping into the trees in an attempt to reach higher ground. Kunai and senbon rained down from above -

Another Rock fell.

"Damn... where are they..."

"It's some sort of teleportation jutsu..."

Several kage leaped forward to engage in close combat taijutsu - Kakashi, watching from a distance, kept a Sharingan eye on his opponents. One of the Rock managed to trap his kage only to find a log in its place. The other kage bunshin lost to three kunai in the chest.

Not bad.

"He's using Kage Bunshin?"

"Only him?"

"Damn! We just might win this -"

The man fell forward, throat slit by a kage flashing behind him combined with the Shunshin no jutsu. A Rock ANBU with a lizard mask broke his wrist bringing the kage down.

Down, around, left, right, kunai and senbon whizzed, the five Rock Nins backed away and turned, in fear, as five man-sized dogs leaped out of the bush, fangs bared, growls and howls filling the air -

Salivating, eyes black with anger - a nin went down Raphe at his throat. A couple of the dogs disapparated within an Earth prison technique, Kakashi jumped down into the clearing, hand on the ground, mimicking his opponent.

_Four dead. One captured temporarily. Three left to go._

_And I haven't even tapped Lightning's Howl yet. Either these guys are stupid or... they've got something up their sleeve._

One of the nin's hands whirled in a blur - a summoning jutsu - Kakashi could tell by the characters spreading out over the uneven ground in a circle. Suddenly above him rose a huge earth-looking dragon -

_Hmmm... some sort of a lizard-snake... geez... these people..._

Kakashi followed suit - quickly finding that place inside of himself.

_It's time to go -_

"About time, young pup," a husky voice growled.

The Rock nins were blown back by the sudden chakra. For several meters, the trees were knocked flat by the heavy winds of white chakra - as Lightning's Howl appeared in a cloud of white smoke. Kakashi stood there on top the large white nose and smiled at the familiar kind blue eyes.

"Get him - bring him down now!"

Kakashi turned at the familiar voice.

_Kabuto._

_Damn._

Already the medic was running across the clearing, fearlessly leaping upward toward Kakashi - the Sharingan already noting the sharp chakra knives projecting from his hands. Lightning's Howl released a howl sound attack, bashing the medic back through several trees. Glasses cracked, Kabuto rose from the dirt, his body already regenerating the damaged skin.

"Deal with the others," Kakashi said. "I have to take him out myself."

"Very well... just call me when you need help there..."

"All we have to do is hold them off... and then we can turn and get ourselves out of here..."

"Got it."

Lightning's Howl pinned one of the injured nins down, tearing him apart - blood, skin and bone becoming a messy pile. Kabuto's eyes narrowed as he watched Kakashi's blur approach.

_I can't even see him. Fuck..._

Kakashi's foot found the medic's chin, as the younger man flew back, Kakashi teleported to kick him in the back. Rolling over and over, the ex-Sound nin just managed to miss a powerful rabbit punch to the neck - Kakashi's fist hit the ground - the ground split in a circle for several yards.

Kabuto's eyes widened.

_Just like that hag... shit. What's this guy on? Food pills?_

He smirked.

_Well... we can both play this game... I'll take some myself._

Following the thought with action, Kabuto gulped down a couple pills and teleporting himself into hiding allowed them to take affect. His chakra flare was unmistakable. Kakashi teleported behind him, smacking him hard into the ground - Kabuto arched up in surprise.

_Shit. Some sort of teleportation jutsu -_

Without thought, he activated his chakra scalpel and cut deeply into the ANBU's chest, slicing opening the lungs and breaking ribs. Turning, he got Kakashi's blood full in the face - he kicked the Copy Nin in the stomach - off of him. He pinned the gasping man down and grinned at the gasping nin.

"Hmmm... it's been a while, Kakashi-senpai... I thought you'd died in the war..."

"Sa-same here," Kakashi gasped, blood trickling even more from his mouth.

"Can't breathe, can you? Your lungs are collapsing - soon you'll be dead..."

Kabuto looked the nin over.

"Pity really... who'd have thought under the mask was the face of an angel..."

Kakashi turned his head away. Already his vision was hazy - he shut his eyes -

_What a fool... to muse over this face -_

_It's an irony - all these years, this has been a burden - and today... it will save my life..._

As Kabuto leaned down, desire naked in his eyes.

"To taste you before you go -"

As lips met, Kakashi found it -

_**Healing Gate.**_

Kabuto never even saw Kakashi's arm - Healing Gate combined with the white chakra of Lightning's Howl - all the medic nin saw was suddenly slitted pupils, grey markings -

And fangs fastening onto the nape of his neck. Long claw-like nails ripping deep into his shoulders. Kabuto panting, tried to pry the man off, already aware that his left arm was no longer functional. The now rabid Leaf nin pulled away - leaving Kabuto to stand there in shock at the sight of his left arm now lying several yards away at the feet of his opponent.

_Kami... what's he become? A Jinchuuriki?_

_His eyes - his sudden strength..._

_It's like Naruto-kun..._

_Except not as cute._

The Sound medic's black eyes widened as Kakashi's hands blurred in a very familiar seal. He jumped upward as the ANBU thrust his hand down - lightning spiking in every direction from the blue chakra ball in the curved hand.

_Shit. I gotta get out of here..._

Kabuto disappeared leaving behind a large pool of blood from his dismembered arm. Kakashi quickly darted back the way he'd come, finding the last nin.

The man died with a hand through his chest, the remaining nin, now finally freeing himself from the earth prison, took one look at the situation and escaped after Kabuto.

Kakashi didn't even try to follow, he just stood there, panting. Lightning's Howl nodded and disappeared as well, taking one long look at his master.

_It's been a while - the cub is - he won't listen to reason here. Not on a battle field with his defenses up... ahh... he's so ferocious looking with all that blood -_

-------------------------------

Yukio made it back in time enough to catch Kakashi as he fell forward, still coughing up blood -

"Kakashi - hey!"

Kakashi didn't answer - only focusing on his blood hands - the claws - the - the -

_Blood -_

_All over his hands - inhuman hands - a monster -_

Dragging his nails over his face, Kakashi succumbed to that urge to -

_To lose that face. That face everybody turned away from -_

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Yukio yelled, pinning the struggling ANBU down. "Don't - Kakashi - yo! - Kakashi! Wake up! Get a grip! Man! Back ups coming! Shit... shit..."

Burying his head into his partner's neck, Yukio pinned Kakashi's arms to his sides in a bear hug, eyes stinging at the sight of his friend.

_He's like - a beast... Why can't my voice reach him?_

Yukio sat there, in a calming, soothing voice, trying to calm the obviously upset ANBU.

_He needs a medic... his face... gods... his face is going to be scarred if he doesn't get attention soon... Damn... where's back up... I told them to follow as fast as they could... how long do they need to talk to the guy?_

-------------------------------

As if reading his mind, backup sprang into the clearing.

Sakura froze in shock at the sight.

The forest clearing was a desert of the trees splintered like matchsticks, pock marks from blasts of chakra and bombs - broken mangled bodies, earth burrowed up here and there from prison techniques -

And blood -

Especially around the two men in the middle.

One of them looked familiar -

She pushed the thought aside.

"What's the problem?" Her green eyes concerned took in the massive amount of blood on the men. "Is he injured? Dead?"

The operative, who had called himself "Rikki", shook his head.

"I don't know..."

He seemed dazed.

"Let me look. Your mate is obviously in need of care and -"

Rikki growled at her, eyes narrowed and suspicious.

"Nobody's looking at him - he's fine."

"He's not fine..."

"He just needs to calm down..."

Sakura edged around, watching with concern as the ANBU slowly stopped shaking.

_Damn ANBU. Protective instincts turning on them..._

"What's up?" asked Sai, arriving behind her, Sasuke at his heels.

The ex-ANBU halted uncertainly at the sight of the claw-like hands now limp on the ground, half hidden under the other man's rough coat.

"ANBU?"

Rikki sighed.

"This is a mess... just..."

He paused.

"Leave."

Sasuke shrugged.

"We need to look over the scene -" He stopped at the sight of one corpse. Carefully, he turned it over.

"Stop it!" Sakura rushed over. "You're tampering with a scene..."

"We're not going to be able to come back," Sasuke said. "First, even though it's close to Fire Country, we ARE still in Rock's domain. Secondly, we're going to have to leave soon. Better get information now... plus... this looks like -"

"What?" asked Sai, eyes never leaving the hand.

Rikki was pushing long black hair back from what looked like a pale forehead - most of the face was hidden in the crook of his shoulder.

"You know something -"

Sasuke stood up and turned back to look down at Rikki.

"You don't want him touched because that would mean Sakura would see his face."

"He's touchy about it..." Rikki said. "You don't understand."

"Hmmm... life or vanity?" Sasuke said ironically. "I wonder what's more important..."

"Sasuke?" Sakura asked. "You mean - that wound -"

"It's the Raikiri - no mistake. I've done enough killing that way to know it -"

"That means -" Sakura's voice filled with horror. "Sensei! Let me see him!"

"No! Let him go! He's fine!" Rikki pushed her hands away.

"He might be dying for all I know!"

"Get away, bitch!"

Rikki was struggling to rise - Sakura was already bending over him - she froze as the coat shifted aside, revealing the hand - gingerly, she picked it up -

"Sen-sei..." Tears filled her eyes. "What's - what's -"

"Leave. Him. ALONE!" Yukio jerked away.

"I can't!" Sakura's eyes hardened. "Put him down, dammit! I'm the MEDIC here and I'm going to see him!"

Rikki flinched at her scary eyes, but only hugged the motionless Kakashi closer.

"No."

"I'll shut my eyes and heal his face without looking."

There was a pause. Rikki nodded.

"Okay... He - he -"

"You gotta tell me the damage -"

"You should be able to tell just by your hands and senses," said the ANBU testily.

Sai raised an eyebrow.

"True. But a medic also needs to know surface damage -" He paused. "I would have thought jealousy had no place in an ANBU on the battle field..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" roared Rikki.

"You're hurting him more by not letting me care for him!" Sakura yelled back. "What kind of love is that, bastard!"

Rikki sighed.

"Fine... just... see what you can do... I'll tie a handkerchief around his face... the damage is to the upper half not the lower half anyway..."

"Whatever," Sakura sighed.

Inner Sakura: _I was THIS close to seeing his face, dammit! I swear, this bastard pushes it and he's going down! To hell with ANBU!_

"A face is a face is a face," Sai blinked. "What's the big deal?"

Rikki drew back from his place in front of Kakashi's head - the nin now lying on his back on the ground. Sakura knelt over her unconscious sensei, her breath catching at the sight of the ten jagged marks running down his forehead and temples, which disappeared under a black kerchief.

_Damn... he looks like hell... Almost as if he - dragged his nails down -_

She lifted his hand to check his nails -

Her stomach flip-flopped.

_He inflicted those wounds on himself. Dammit, Kaka-sensei - _Inner Sakura yelled_. I'm so getting you out of ANBU you won't know what hit you! _

"Kakashi's face is special," Rikki said. "He's very private about it."

"You sound like a stalker," Sai said bluntly. "That's your name. Stalker."

"Hentai, more like..." Sasuke said from a couple yards over, looking up from another burnt to the crisp corpse. "But then, Sai, you wouldn't understand... for years we always wanted to know what was under the mask..."

"Childish," snorted Rikki, watching Sakura like a hawk as she carefully began to close up the various flesh wounds over the Copy Nin's face, limbs and torso.

"Hm. Yes," agreed Sasuke, walking over to another corpse.

"He's sexy, right, Rikki-san?" Sakura asked, her eyes watching the ANBU's more neutral expression.

She couldn't miss the flash -

_Of what?_

_What did I see?_

_Damn these ANBU masks..._

_Probably jealousy and maybe -_

_Just maybe -_

_Lust..._

Inner Sakura: _A RIVAL! DAMMIT!_

The medic froze at the thought.

_Rival? Where the hell did that come from? I'm not competing for anything here..._

_Yeah, right, _said her evil inner self_. Sure. You tell yourself that..._

_Okay. Okay. Sensei is hot. Nice. Single. Caring. Tough. Respectable... Mysterious. Powerful. Everything a girl could want... but -_

_Hahaha... a dream type of crush - right?_

_Right?_

_Right..._

Sakura sighed.

_I SO did not want this complication now... not now of all times..._

_And what would other people think?_

_Kakashi?_

_Tsunade?_

_Jiraiya?_

The medic pulled up her sensei's left eyelid and froze.

"He's got slit pupils..."

"Hmmm..."

"Why?"

"I can't say..."

"It's classified?"

"Something like that... hey... you're totally breaking a thousand ANBU rules here... I'm going to have to tell Tsunade about this," Rikki snarked.

"Sure. Go ahead. I'm her top medic and I'm sometimes called into severe ANBU cases. I'm fine."

Rikki glared at her.

"What about THEM?" he asked, tilting his head toward Sai and Sasuke now in conference over the 'burnt-to-a-crisp corpse'.

-------------------------------------

_"What do you think?"_

_"Katon no jutsu?"_

_"Hmmm... there'd be more -"_

_"Ah... yeah... chakra burns, then?"_

_"That's a damn lot of chakra."_

_"And very hot."_

_"Hmmm."_

_"Yeah..."_

------------------------------------

"Sai is ex-ANBU. Sasuke is an Uchiha. Both have the honor of shinobi to keep secrets."

Rikki blinked and slowly nodded.

"Fine."

Sakura slid her hands under her sensei's shirt - up his chest, testing out the lungs and ribs. Rikki tensed. Sakura frowned.

"What? Something wrong?" Rikki leaned forward, wrinkles forming on his brow.

"Hmmm... there's been damage here, quickly healed... I'm just finishing it up - it's kinda rough... like..." Her eyes snapped open. "DAMN! He opened the Heal Gate! I'm gonna have to talk to him about this!"

"I can do that," Rikki said. "I'm his mate!"

"Hn. You better."

"Don't get snippity with me, lady," Rikki snarled. "I DO happen to care about him."

"I'm getting that LOUD and CLEAR, old man," she snarked back. "I guess I couldn't tell what with all that 'I-know-he's-hurt-but-no-medical-care-please' attitude... and obviously, you are not encouraging him to leave ANBU."

"Leave ANBU? Why would he want to do that?"

"Umm... let's see... to get a LIFE? I don't know... be able to enjoy the sunshine and relax with friends and stuff like that?"

"Hmph. That's not what he wants. This is his life now. With us. Get over it. And yourself. Bitch."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Sakura bellowed, suddenly in Rikki's face, her eyes now large and white and furious.

Rikki shoved back.

"I SAID BITCH!"

"WELL - AT LEAST -"

"Guys!" barked Sasuke. "Get over it!"

Both paused and turned simultaneously to shiver at the sight of Sasuke standing over them, arms folded, dark forbidding eyes glaring.

"We need to move it now!"

"Hai, hai..." mumbled Sakura, pulling away from her sensei.

His hands were normal now - lying there, he looked peaceful.

_So young._

_So young._

She didn't want to let go of his fingers - but they pulled from her hand with a jerk as Rikki stood up with ANBU Wolf in his arms.

_ANBU Wolf._

_It's not Kakashi-sensei, really, Sakura sighed. With that mask on... who is he? He's not the man I know._

_I want him back._

Watching Rikki disappear, her green eyes softened with worry.

_Where have you gone, Kakashi-sensei?_

_I want you back._

-------------------------------------------------------

_**what did she say**_

_**she said i never knew you**_

_**how can i say goodbye**_

_**to an unknown face?**_

--------------------------------------------------------------------

**_NEXT EP: _**

**_The memories are dark. It's that dream he fears - his fears are what he dreams. THE MISSION._**

**0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

**

* * *

**

**Favorite Desert: Marble Cheesecake**

**Favorite Meal: Hmmm... hard to say... I LOVE to eat...**

**Least favorite Meal: Cabbage Rolls, Seafood**

**Favorite Color(s): Blue, silver (also Black, Grey and White... and Green)**

**Least favorite Color: Yellow.**

**Favorite Type of Music: Soundtracks**

**Least Favorite: Country Music**


	27. Open My Eyes

**Sorry for the lateness... there's a reviewer out there who told me to watch "Ouran High School Host Club" and I did in a couple of sittings (the whole show)... and wow! It had me laughing so hard... (Kyouya, I love you!) :D I thought I'd die. That coupled with the philosophical show "Ergo Proxy", the thriller "Blood Lagoon", the supernatural show "Speed Grapher" and my essays... and work... man... how do I fit GL in? I don't know...**

**THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED! **

**I APPRECIATE IT – YOU CANNOT BELIEVE!**

**PLEASE READ 'N' REVIEW IF YOU LIKE IT! **

_

* * *

Lady Distain: Just got to say that I FINALLY managed to get ahold of Conjure One – and it is beautiful! Thanks for sharing that info with me – their songs certainly do have a lot of reference to the ideas that I have in my fic! My favorite songs were "Center of the Sun" and "Tears of the Moon" remixed and original. I'm probably going to do a Blood+ AMV to "Center of the Sun"..._

_IlovJesus123: I'm glad you liked the monster!Kakashi portrayal... he's got issues... but the climax is coming soon... so sit tight and enjoy! (I hope...)_

_SweetAssassin: Yeah... machoness with intervals of insanity and vulnerability... I like my male portrayals to be real humans... not just some sort "leave it to beaver" chaps... although... you're right... it makes for good drama... but.. all good drama comes to an end..._

_Alexis Walker: I'm glad you liked! I hope this chapter isn't going to be so confusing – although at one point I wrote it in such a manner that if you get slightly confused and then understand as you go along – that means I did my job! Hope this hint helps! Hope you enjoy!_

_Eyeliner0tears: to be honest, the whole Kisame/Kabuto thing also worried me... but I think it's going to work out... I think... anyway... yeah... I'm glad you enjoyed the ojii-san – and the freak out of Sakura... it was really tough writing that chapter b/c I knew that people would be like 'whoa!' what's going on here... but ha! It's a mystery! _

_Shadow Dragon Boss: You don't like seafood or country music? Wow! Awesome! My sister kinda likes country... which is... ewwww... just wrong... like "Like the time when the lights went out in Georgia and they killed an innocent man' blah blah blah... the most country-ish I get is the 1 song (ONE, only) - "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" and it's more of an Oldie than Country Music. Right now my favorite OSTs are "FFVII: Advent Children"; "Black Lagoon OST"; "Loveless OST" and "Kingdom of Heaven"... oh yeah, and "Full Metal Alchemist"... Ooops... I've gotten carried away! Hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_Sabireru: Maybe your acceptance of Yukio is like that thing that victims have toward their kidnappers? Hee hee hee! But Yukio is heart breaking if nothing else. I hope this chapter gives you that feeling..._

_Ox King: Hmmm... yeah... the climax is the next 1-2 chapters... as for Yukio's fate... I can't say..._

_sakura hatake kakashi's grl: Thanks for the encouragement! Hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_Kasai Ame: Hmmm... yes... well, as I told someone else... once before, I wrote out the blue print before I even started writing... so Sakura's attitude is explained later (ergo this chapter) – whether you feel her explanation justifies her reaction or not... hmmm... we'll see... but... on the other hand... yeah... Yukio has an interesting part to play... and does he die? Do you really want to know? Hahah! I'll tell you privately, if you want the details..._

_Zenna: Thanks alot! Hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_Jemiul: I'm glad you found this chapter to be fantastic! I found it to be much tougher to write... but hopefully I'm fulfilling everyone's (and my own) expectations... I've found that I've had to rewrite stuff in the plot line in small details – but otherwise... there's still method in the madness! Hahaha! I'm glad you're enjoying it! It's great hearing from you as always!_

_Perscripto13: Thanks! Enjoy!_

_KakashiLuverIAm: Wow! Love the name! I hope you don't get in too much trouble on my count! But I'm glad you consider my stuff worth risking life for! Ahahahaha!_

_Lotisflower: Sakura is starting to put more on the line for her sensei... it's not only a story about the restoration of Kakashi – but the blossoming of Sakura, the opening of Hinata, the daring of Naruto, the growth of Sasuke, the maturation of Raido... etc etc etc etc... V. involved to be sure..._

_inquisitive: Yep! Kakashi's past is coming up with a vengeance! Gah! So emo! Oh well... and yeah... a lot of the time Sakura is so – so passive! Gak! But I wrote this plot in such a way that she starts to put more into her sensei emotionally – and so... she's starting to feel the loss... at least, that's what I'm going for. And of course, what she gains, Yukio loses. And one wonders if it is right... oh! The horror! Ahahahaha!_

_Melissa Norvell: I know what you mean! Writing is horrible when it gets squished between things! Especially work and school! Good luck with writing! I'm looking forward to your "Freak Out Kakashi" fic!_

_Rogue solus: WOW! A new reviewer! I'm so glad you liked! Thanks for taking the time to review! Wow! Well! You're one lucky person to read it all in one go – you've got a real feel for what it's all about, then! I'm glad you liked it as a whole, regardless – and I hope you enjoy this upcoming chappie! Thanks again! _

_**

* * *

THIS IS ONE EMO CHAPPIE! I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE THIS!**_

_**The emo-ness is to be blamed on Ergo Proxy.**_

_**The lateness is to be blamed on Ouran High School Host Club.**_

_**Theme: Due to "Sleep" by Conjure One...**_

_**WARNING: Male/Male, Violence, Non-con, Swearing**_

_**I do not own Naruto... sadly...**_

**

* * *

**

Gentle Lesson

**Chapter 27**

Open These Eyes

"It wasn't like her, did you say, Sasuke?" Naruto asked seriously, looking up at the training room's high rafters. "She was – crazed? How so? Hasn't she been always a little crazy?"

His joke fell flat in the silence. Sasuke, lying beside his sparring partner, wiped the sweat off his brow with his towel.

"You sure it wasn't just – you know – that time of the month?" Naruto pointed out delicately.

Sasuke blinked.

"What time?"

"You KNOW."

"No. I don't... which is why you need to elaborate..."

Naruto's eyes narrowed.

"You're pulling my leg."

"Yeah."

"BE SERIOUS, BASTARD!"

The ebony-haired Uchiha sighed.

"I am..."

"Sakura was -"

"Totally out of control," Sasuke shook his head in disbelief. "She bit off everybody's head – and totally tongue-lashed the operative -"

"The guy who was toting the Rock farmer?"

"Kuro-SAMA."

"Yeah... whatever... that guy?"

"The guy who was carrying him -"

"Rikki or something like that..."

"That guy got seriously laid into. She was almost... there was no reasoning with her..."  
"Wow..."

"But then... she always gets that way around sensei..." Sasuke rolled onto his side with another sigh.

"Really?" the dumb blonde blinked. "No way!"

"C'mon – that 'I'd have his kids' comment? Totally in love... or at least, crushing with some sort of golden past image..."

Naruto's blue eyes widened.

"She's in love with THAT fucked up pervert?"

"Stranger things have happened... like Shikamaru and Temari... in fact, this whole thing – I'm surprised it hadn't happened earlier... most kunoichi have SOME sort of feelings for their male shinobi teachers... well... Kiba had the biggest crush on Kurenai for some time..."

"That's..." Naruto's nose wrinkled in distaste. "Seems... wrong..."

"Hmmm..."

There was a long silence at the thought of Sakura dating Baka-sensei.

"It's weird..."

"Hmmmm," Sasuke frowned. "But then, he isn't our teacher anymore... so... he's fair game..."

Another pause.

"You know-" Sasuke said. "That man – I've seen him before... I kinda felt familiar with his voice..."

"Kuro-sama?"

"No, idiot... Rikki-san..."

"Don't call me idiot – cocky bastard..."

"Who are you calling cocky bastard, idiot?"  
"Rikki-san."

"Yeah... big mouth on that guy... he's... annoying," Sasuke frowned. "Which is why I noticed him..."

The dojo's doors slid open noiselessly.

* * *

_I was an idiot_, Sakura sighed, looking up at the blue morning sky – from the comfortable silence of her balcony.

_I made that man defensive. That man..._

Slumping forward to cradle her head in her arms, Sakura closed her eyes replaying the words she had so childishly shouted at him.

_**I'm getting that LOUD and CLEAR, old man, I guess I couldn't tell what with all that 'I-know-he's-hurt-but-no-medical-care-please' attitude... and obviously, you are not encouraging him to leave ANBU.**_

_That was... totally out of line... _

_But – but -_

_I just... the thought of him staying there, running himself continually into the ground for something that he can't even experience. It's pathetic. It's – it's wrong..._

_I need to talk to Tsunade about this._

* * *

"We have to get him out. NOW." Sakura banged her fists rather heavily down on the Godaime's desk, ignoring the other people in the room who were still there from some important conference -

_No doubt about Rock... but this... is more important..._

"Geez... Sakura," Tsunade sighed, head propped lazily on the palm of her hand, as she lazily twirled a pen in her fingers. "Please refrain from damaging my desk any further... I can't afford to get a new one..."

"That's because she broke her new one a week ago," Kotetsu whispered sotto voce to Shizune and Izumo, who were trying to look official despite the rather informal private meeting that was taking place in a very public setting.

Ibiki turned at the sound of desperation in the top medic's voice.

_Sakura... is she talking about..._

_No way..._

Gai, Asuma, Jiraiya and Genma frowned, their eyes darting at the Hokage. The Fifth didn't look too put out...

Kuro-sama and the village elders paused in their discussion, ears wide open.

_What could have upset the normally unflappable kunoichi?_

"Sakura-chan... what're you talking about?" Genma asked kindly, sidling up with a wink. "Maybe I can help you? Is there a problem? Is Naruto doing something stupid again?"

Sakura wilted under their stares.

"I – I'm so sorry..." She paused as her situation began to sink in. "I heard that you guys had stopped..."

"For a break," Asuma smiled with a small wave. "It's okay, if you come in... It's nice to hear something new – other than strategies and shit like that..."

_I'm sure_, Sakura grimaced. _You just want to tell Kurenai something juicy_.

"Sakura," Tsunade leaned forward, speaking in a lowered tone whilst giving Genma the 'evil eye' (translation: _I'll throw you out of the window like my chair last week_).

Genma backed away. Slowly.

"I know how you feel -"

"You can't possibly -"

"I know," Tsunade said softly. "So... when this is all over," she waved her hands at the stacks of maps and scrolls littering the table. "I'm pulling him out..."

Sakura nodded, pulling away with a soundless sigh.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama..."

"I'm worried, too. We're all worried."

Sakura smiled, eyes a little watery.

"I'm so sorry... I better go..."

"Good luck."

"Eh?"  
Tsunade laughed softly, rubbing her hands.

"Never mind..."

* * *

Jiraiya lumbered over as Sakura left the room.

"She's not skipping with joy – but she's definitely more happier... what did you talk about?"

"Someone we're all worried about."

"Ohhhh..." Jiraiya nodded. "That... Yes... About that..."

"I've made the lists," Tsunade said, looking at the four Jounin in front of her.

Sakura, having left, the council had once again taken their places in her newly enlarged office. On one side sat Kuro-sama and Jiraiya, on the other, the two village elders. Before her sat her four captains for the oncoming clash with Rock.

"Ibiki, Genma, you're leading the charge. Asuma, Gai – you're flanking them. According to Kuro-sama, the only resistance we'll find will be any followers of the Three."

"The Three?" asked Genma.

"Hmmmm... Yes." Tsuande sighed. "The Three. We've identified only two of them. One is Kabuto, the other, Kisame."

"WHAT THE HELL?" Genma's eyes widened.

"This is bad..." Gai rubbed his chin. "But..." He smiled and chinged his teeth at Tsunade and Kuro-sama. "With the power of love, the Fire of Leaf can overcome anything!"

"Oi. Gai... Don't destroy this treaty with your – never mind..." Tsunade winced.

"Those are S-class criminals," Asuma repeated the obvious.

_I've bumped into Akatsuki – and – that was one experience I never wanted to undergo again..._

Izumo, taking notes, shivered.

_Why are they in Rock?_

"Yes." Tsunade sighed. "Kuro-sama and ANBU think that the prime objective of the Akatsuki is to stir things up again – to bring to the forefront any Jinchuuriki – their master is one of chaos..."

Jiraiya nodded.

"The dark shadow behind them has never been revealed – perhaps, never will – they are the common enemy that, despite our various attempts to cut it off, regenerates over and over again..."

"I hate patch jobs," mumbled Genma.

"Which is why I am leading a team of specialist ANBU with you," Ibiki spoke up.

Genma twitched.

"That makes me feel a whole lot better," he mumbled.

"What?"

"Never mind..."

There was a silence.

"Well... sounds good to me," Genma spoke up again, rolling his senbon lazily from one corner of his mouth to the other.

Kuro-sama watched it with fascination.

Tsunade nodded.

"High praise in deed from Mr. Examiner." The irony wasn't hard to miss. "Joking aside, with this information of Kuro-sama... this shinobi of great importance will be warned by our ANBU operative tonight and will mobilize all Rock nin who are faithful to the old Kage."  
"When will we be moving out?" asked Asuma, puffing on his cig.

"By tomorrow afternoon -"

Genma choked on his senbon, Asuma dropped his smoke and even Ibiki's eyes narrowed. Gai merely burst into flame.

"YOSH! WE CAN DO IT!"

"Yes..." Jiraiya sighed at the man's enthusiasm. "We're going over the strategies with Shikamaru tonight... we hope to mobilize all the units necessary by tomorrow afternoon... Those lists we made up this morning are going to be your teams."

"Where are we to meet?" asked Genma getting over his surprise quickly.

"At twelve o'clock in front of this building. Got it?"

The men nodded.

Tsunade smiled.

"I thought you would. Now get to it!"

The men saluted and disapparated in blurs.

* * *

Tsunade rose. "Well – time for some dinner, Kuro-sama."

"Yes," The man smiled. "Thank you again, Hokage-sama. You don't know how much Rock appreciates your spirit of peace and concern."

"It's important," Tsuande said softly, moving over to the window, to look at her most favorite view of the town.

"We all want peace. A chance to heal. A chance to grow. This hostility is bad. But wiping Rock out, not only would drain our resources, but also destroy the delicate balance of the continent – again... Let's just say -" Tsuande thought of the dead, the dying the wounded – crippled – emotionally scarred.

"Let's just say – war is a nightmare no one wishes to dream of again..."

* * *

Sakura stepped into the room, green eyes downcast.

"I'm sorry -"

"Whatever for?" Naruto asked blankly.

"For two days ago... I shouldn't have... been so unprofessional..."

"It's okay, Sakura-chan." Naruto smiled, leaning forward, his blue eyes earnest. "We're more worried about you, in fact."

"Eh?"

"You normally are the voice of reason in our group -" Sasuke said wryly. "I hoped you'd come to us if you were so bothered -"

Sakura shook her head.

"You can't help this -" She placed her hand over her heart. "This -"

_This feeling..._

"Sakura-chan..." Naruto breathed. "Why -"

Sasuke glared daggers at his sparring partner.

Naruto fell silent as Sakura sagged forward, falling onto her knees, fists clenched and trembling on them. Silent tears fell.

"I – I don't know." She said tightly.

Sasuke shifted over beside her, placing a large hand on hers.

"Don't worry – we're here to help -"  
"I don't -" Sakura gulped, trying to calm herself. "I don't want him to know." She rubbed away her tears, looking up with pleading eyes. "Please."

Sasuke and Naruto nodded solemnly.

* * *

"Naruto! Naruto! Sasuuukkkeee! SAAAAKKKURRRAAA! FORE HEAD GIRL!"

"Ino-pig!" bellowed Sakura, suddenly coming out of her blues – as she ran to the window, leaning out to yell at her close friend.

"Aha! Forehead girl!"

"Pig back to you! Geez! Can't you just call me -"

"Enough of your whining," Ino snorted. "I've got news! Sasuke and Naruto will want to hear it too!"

"Eh? Eh? What news? I'm being nominated as Hokage?"

"I'm up for ANBU?"

Ino rolled her eyes at the boys.

"As if – no... it seems," here the Jounin-sensei dropped her voice. "As if there's going to be a big expedition to Rock!"

"Rock? No way! There ARE troubles there?" Naruto blinked.

"Idiot... where have you been? Under a ROCK?" asked Sasuke sarcastically.

"Sasuke-teme!"

"Oh boy, oh boy..." Ino sighed. "Can't be serious for ONE second?"

"So that's what they were planning in the council this morning!" Sakura smiled.

"You saw them?" asked Sasuke.

"Who? Who?" Naruto clamored with curiousity.

They wandered out the door of the dojo to Ino and started to walk down the main street slowly.

"Well..." Sakura thought for a second. "The two village elders. Kuro-sama – you know – the guy we picked up from 'Rikki-san'... and then there was... hmmm... Jiraiya-sama. Tsunade-sama... Shizune, Kotetsu and Izumo for note taking and food dispensing and errands... and then there was... Ibiki... Asuma... Genma... Gai-sense... uh... that's about it, really."

"Wow... this is so exciting!"

"Idiot." Sakura sniffed. "What's so exciting about war? People are going to get hurt!"

"But – but – Sakura-chaaannn... I'll be able to show my newest moves!"

"Just like you to worry about that..."

"Who are we under I wonder," Sasuke mused.

"Oh! There's Chouji-kun and Shikamaru!" Ino waved at the two Jounin.

Shikamaru slouched over, hands in his pockets – too lazy to wave. Chouji followed slowly, licking off the remaining dango sticks he had in his hands.

"What's up," Naruto asked. "Do you have the inside information, Shikamaru? About the upcoming invasion of Rock?"

"Really, Naruto," Shikamaru sighed. "Keep it down... it would be seriously troublesome if somebody found out that you were gossiping about important village matters... still... Asuma came to me today and told me I was in his squadron – with Ino and Chouji of course... I'm sure you guys won't be left behind – I wish I could..."

"That's because he wants to see Temari," whispered Chouji.

"Ah ah!" nodded Naruto understanding immediately.

"Idiots..." mumbled Shikamaru.

"YO!" A hearty voice said suddenly – all six Jounin jumped – screaming like Genin.

"GENMA!" Screamed Ino. "You nearly killed me there with fright!"

"Don't sneak up on ladies like that!" Sakura yelled, breathing fire, as Genma's arms wrapped themselves around her.

"Genma! You bastard! What're you doing to Sakura?"

"Oi, oi!" Shikamaru sighed. "If Raidou sees you hugging Sakura, you're going to be in deep shit..."

Genma drew away from his big bear hug with Sakura and sighed.

"You guys are waayyy too tense... mmmm... I guess you were talking about stuff you aren't supposed to be talking about? Hey? Hey? Ah well... back when I was young -"

"Blah blah blah," Naruto interrupted rudely. "What do you want, open pervert?"

"Just a mission..." Genma said blandly. "Which I'd like to talk to you about..."

"If it's about Rock, I'm up for it," Sasuke said blandly.

Genma raised an eyebrow.

"Absolutely!" Naruto smiled. "I can't wait to show my new move off."

"If it means the end of war, I'm up for it too," Sakura nodded.

Genma quirked his senbon.

"Geez... you guys... don't even know what you're signing up for... but hey, that's youth and simplicity for you -"

The Specialist Jounin stopped at the sight of Sakura's scary white eyes.

"Right, right, you better come with me so that our group can meet properly..."

"Hai, hai," sighed Sakura. She turned to her blonde friend. "Bye, Ino. See you tomorrow, I guess!"

"Good luck, forehead girl!"

"You too, pig..."

Genma winced.

"Ouch... are they always like this?"

"Yes," chorused the boys.

* * *

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It was getting on his already taut nerves.

Drip. Drip. Driiiip. Drip.

That monotonous sound unending, unvaried – as steady as a ticking clock – as steady as time – as a heartbeat -

It was a reminder of life somewhere – somehow.

_Depressing._

Somewhere water was leaking from a tap... or perhaps -

Drip. Driip. Drop.

A leak, maybe, from somewhere above him – a plumbing problem...

It was too exhausting to think of really.

_And rather dumb all things considering. It's like a frog contemplating a worm while being pounced on by a snake..._

_Ahhh... where IS that noise coming from?_

Drip. Drip. Drop.

He couldn't tell. He couldn't find out. He was sitting there – back to a dam wall – arms spread apart above his head (so he couldn't complete any seals) -

Wrists chained tightly to the wall...

Drip. Drip.

It was damn annoying.

He shook his head with a sigh and then frowned as a mass of grey hair flopped in front of his eyes – dirty and greasy – and ticklish. Rubbing against his shoulder, he tried to get the heavy grey mop out of his face – unsuccessfully.

_Damn._

But in his belly, he knew lurked that feeling – focusing on the inconsequential isn't going to work here -

He tried to ignore the snake of fear crawling up his belly. Tried to ignore the damn cold. The whole atmosphere was cold and dank -

_And dark._

_Suffocating._

Driipp. Drop. Drooooppp...

Someone passed by the door. Opening his mouth, he wheezed – voice weak and hoarse -

_Hoarse... how -_

The thought died at the memories.

_Hoarse from continual screaming? _

Kakashi winced at the fragmented memories.

As he sat there in the dark, he shut his eyes to even more dark -

_I'm not here – it never happened -_

_Nobody has -_

"Awake, beautiful?" asked a freezing voice.

Kakashi flinched, automatically trying to pull his knees to his chest – trying to wrap himself with his arms -

To cover his -

A knee fell between his legs – spreading them – making him vulnerable -

_It's a game._

_I hate it._

_I HATE – I HATE -_

The incoherent thoughts died as a clean, pure, narrow face came into a rather fuzzy view. Just the strain on the Sharingan to predict -

_So dizzy -_

_**He saw the hand trailing down the side of head, fingers gliding down his thinly muscled neck – over his slim torso – the broken and barely healed ribs – down past the starved stomach – down, down to -**_

_**Kakashi flinched at the man's intimate touch.**_

_**No.**_

His eyes refocused on his personal tormentor.

_No._

_It's no happened yet but -_

A pair of domineering lips descended on his helpless ones, forcing his teeth open – scraping around his dry mouth -

His cracked lips tried in vain to accommodate the bruising mouth on top of his – some blood trickled down his chin slowly. Iron and bitterness in such a loving act.

He moaned.

_Air._

_I need -_

Kakashi's whimper spurred the nin on. Pain spread down his straining wrists, scrunching his eyes shut, tears glimmering on the edge of his lashes -

And the man's hand -

- trailing down the side of head, fingers gliding down his thinly muscled neck – over his slim torso – the broken and barely healed ribs – down past the starved stomach – down, down to -

Kakashi flinched at the man's intimate touch.

Then the lips drew away – Kakashi half-sobbed in relief – shame – self-hate -

_I deserve this._

_I deserve THIS?_

_No... I – I can't -_

"Don't -" He whispered brokenly.

His half-closed, tired eyes watched as pale lips curved upward cruelly.

"Stop what? This?"

Kakashi bit down on his tongue, trying to silence his sudden need as the man's hand moved.

"But you know you want it so much..."

Ten minutes later, the man stood, quietly, laughing as the Copy Nin tried to regain his breath, drawing his dirtied legs up to himself for some warmth and coverage.

The guard entered, stared at the prisoner dubiously, and laughed – while keeping a fair distance from the ANBU Torture and Interrogation Squad member.

"Fool..."

"Seko-sama..." The guard asked respectfully.

"Heh. You've no idea..."

Seko seemed to be talking more to himself than anything.

"Eh?"

"To hold a man like that," the ANBU said softly, picking up his mask and placing it back on hi face. "So fragile – it's – beautiful, really..."

The guard said nothing – but his face told all:

_Sick. That man is sick._

"You don't know. But he'll be broken – and then – I'll put the pieces back – the way master – no – I want him to be..."

Kakash bit his lip, drawing blood – the pain waking him up enough to stutter -

"B-b-bastard..."

Someone's boot buried itself into his exposed ribs.

The dark was so welcome, Kakashi smiled.

He opened his eyes.

It was still dark.

_Why is it always this way?_ He wondered_. When will I wake up?_

* * *

Yukio sat there watching Kakashi.

_Sleep... I heard that sleep is often like death – it's a moment of vulnerability... And watching him – he's so – weak... like a child... so young..._

As the Copy Nin stirred restlessly in his sleep, rubbing against the sash wrapped around his head to close the ever watchful Sharingan, Yukio frowned.

_He's got a bad dream? Don't we all... it's sometimes hard – sometimes so hard to tell whether you're waking or sleeping – sometimes the nightmare continues after you wake up..._

"No – no – don't – b-b-bastard!"

Yukio jerked forward as Kakashi's eyes opened.

His dark eyes focused on nothing – Kakashi didn't seem to see Yukio there – Yukio leaning forward, arms wrapping the shivering ANBU up – pressing hot lips on a sweaty neck.

"NO!"

"Kakashi – it's me! You've had a bad dream – here – let me get in with you -"

"Let me go!" sobbed that grey-haired child. "Go away!"

"It's for your good," Yukio said, pinning his friend down. "Now just let me -"

"S-s' – kura -"

Kakashi's fist connected somewhere on Yukio's jaw, causing his friend's face to darken.

"You ungrateful little -"

Mouth turned down with gritted teeth, the ANBU forced Kakashi down on to his back, pinning him down.

"Listen... you want that bitch here instead of me – when it was I who hauled your skinny ass out of that dungeon - a year or so ago - despite going against orders? WHAT CAN SHE GIVE YOU THAT I CAN'T?"

Kakashi fell silent – his eye raised – focusing on his teammate's face, in total recognition.

"Get off me."

"No. Answer me."  
"No. Get off!"

The Copy Nin tried to raise himself up – arching his back -

Up against the older man's aroused body, which pressed him easily back down.

"You shouldn't say 'no' when you have no power to back it up..." leered Yukio, his hair falling down around his face – obscuring -

_A dark devil._

And in his belly, the snake unfurled – it was always lying there waiting – in Kakashi's belly – those feelings -

"C'mon," Yukio's voice fell into a gentle whisper. "You know you want it – when's the last time you had it?"

_That voice -_

_Seko-san -_

Kakashi grunted as any move he tried to make ended with his wrists pinned on either side of him. Ignoring his tears of frustration, Kakashi shifted only to find one of Yukio's knees planted firmly between his legs.

_Damn._

"You can't do much – you're too tired... do you know how much chakra you went through with that last stunt?" Yukio asked, concern lacing his voice.

"Shut up. Like you care."

Yukio pouted.

_Fake. Or not..._

Kakashi sighed.

_I never could understand..._

As warm lips sought his cold ones, Kakashi sighed, trying to tell himself not to melt – _no surrender – no – no -_

_Damn it all... I understand – but – not – not - _

_Gods... I'm dirty..._

Yukio took advantage of Kakashi's laxness to take both of the Copy Nin's hands into one hold, while pulling the rest of the blanket off.

Kakashi's eye widened – it made Yukio laugh -

"YUKIO – YOU BASTARD!"

"What – you want to sleep in your bloody uniform – I sent it to the dry cleaners – you should be thankful -"

"Damn you..."

Yukio bent down and silenced the younger man's protests. The dark enveloped them – the dark enveloped the battle, the surrender and the victory -

_The dark..._

* * *

Later on that night, Kakashi staggered out of the bed in a desperate attempt to get away from it all -

Clothed in a baggy pair of pants and old smelly shirt, he hobbled his way out of the small apartment – his lower back giving sharp stabs of protest -

_Damn you, Yukio... when I get back – you'll never know what hit you..._

The village was dead – every now and then, Kakashi could feel the sharp chakra flare – like a beacon in the dark night – of the guards, random ANBU coming home from a mission. Or Jounin staggering home half drunk.

Kakashi watched Genma, Raido and Asuma stagger home in celebration of something.

"_To Kurenai."_

"_The lady!"_

"_The New Mama!"_

He stood them watching them grow smaller and smaller down the road – walking away – and he couldn't say anything.

Even if he moved his lips and reached out – they just -

Couldn't hear him.

All he could see was those lips descending – no – not lips – a knife cutting into his skin – no, his kata blade, sweeping through the young bones – the soft skin of the young children – no – it was Obito's white face, and the eye -

The eye that saw the future.

The eye that cried.

_Even with this eye, I still can't see it, Obito. What do you want me to do?_

With a shuddering sigh, Kakashi turned away, wiping a stray tear that slid down his cheek from under the black sash.

_All I can see are - _

_Those nightmares. My whole life is a nightmare! And those moments -_

_**Sakura, leaning forward – her bright smile. Sakura, dancing in his arms – no – that didn't happen did it – Sakura, her warm arms around him -**_

_What pleasant dreams – if only I could find them again – I'd never want to wake up -_

_Wake up._

_If only I could wake up from this nightmare..._

_Wake up._

* * *

"Wake up! Kakashi-senpai!"

Kakashi's eye blearily focused on some brown hair – some black hair – one of them had a pony tail...

"Kakashi! Damn it! What're doing in this pile of garbage? You stink, man!"

"Sempai!"

"Are you okay, Kaka-sempai?"

_Great._

_The deathly Duo and my personal emissary from Hell._

"It's important you get moving as soon as possible," babbled Ichiro. "There's to be a spear head today into ROCK!"

"Yes!" his companion interrupted, obviously excited and freaked at the same time. "And WE'VE BEEN CHOSEN AS IBIKI-SAN'S GROUP! Right up front! WOW! It's so good working with you, Kakashi-sama!"

"Urgh..." Kakashi tried to open his eyes again, slowly sitting upright.

"What with your rough night, and your wanderings – and your rather – hard bed... we'll have to get you to spa for a couple of hours to relax and get some muscle control back. I'll get a nurse to help release some of your stress – and let's see... how does your chakra amount feel – you think you can take this battle so soon after the last one?" asked Yukio – disgustingly cheery.

Kakashi glared at the man – but his sleepiness detracted from it – he only looked cuter in Yukio's eyes.

"Kaka-sempai had a rough night?" asked Makoto, dopily.

"Ehhh... I didn't know you'd let yourself get THAT drunk... what do you think you were doing..." Ichiro shook his head, scolding his (obviously careless) sempai, while pulling him to his feet.

"Kakashi..." Yukio shook his head mournfully. "You heard them... and you may never get battle ready -"

"YOU ASS HOLE!" Kakashi yelled, slugging Yukio so hard, the ANBU left a deep imprint in the alleyway wall behind him. "It's not my fault that -"

Kakashi paused at the wide eyes of his underlings. Forcibly getting his rampant feelings under control, he shut his eyes and counted to five.

"Let's go," he said in the iciest tone possible.

Ichiro and Makoto said not a word as they passed their unconscious teammate, contenting themselves only with trading meaningful looks.

_Those two_, Ichiro thought with puzzlement, _act like they're in a totally different world. Like they're operating on a totally different plane from the rest of us. I wonder if we'll ever get there – Makoto and I..._

"Fill me in on the mission," Kakashi said sharply, uncomfortable under their eyes.

"Uh..." Makoto bit his lip uncertainly. "All we got from Yukio – he's the one who's got the orders... but – uh -" He petered off as Kakashi turned his head enough to glare at the younger man. "Well... it seems as though the Hidden Village of Rock has been taken over by Three men. One, Kabuto. The other, Kisame. But – you guys know that already – you two did the reconnaissance, didn't you? So you should know Tsunade-sama's reaction. We're spear heading an attack on the Village to assist the loyal nins in a coup against the present corrupt council – and then – hopefully, Rock will complete the treaty and we can all get out of the whole ugly affair of war – completely this time."

"Yes..." Ichiro sighed. "We'll all be able to relax in the sun – fold our hands – close our eyes – all this will just be a bad dream."

"This is the bad dream?" asked Kakashi.

The two newbie ANBU blinked uncertainly.

"A bad dream..." Kakashi repeated as he walked back to his apartment.

"You okay, Kaka-sempai?" asked Makoto.

"I'm fine," the leader said shortly. "My chakra is fine – I feel great..."

With that, Kakashi jumped away – in the direction of his apartment.

"He's okay," a firm voice said behind them – the two young men jumped and turned to see Yukio, rubbing his sollen jaw tenderly. "I expected worse – but it seems all he needed was a good night's rest..."

"It seems like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Makoto pointed out dryly.

"Ahahaha!" laughed Yukio.

Ichiro and Makoto joined in.

"Kakashi-sempai, as you call him," Yukio said, walking away, waving his hand. "Is the hardest to understand – but... one day you'll realize – that life isn't so easy to define as reality – and sometimes – every day is a -"

_Bad dream you are _**dying**_ to wake up from._

_**

* * *

**_

NEXT EPISODE:

CLASH WITH ROCK! PIECES FALL APART – and then... TOGETHER!

_**

* * *

**_

Just some stuff about me...

**

* * *

Favorite Clothes: Jeans and T-Shirt**

**Hair Color**: Dark Brown with faded Blonde Hi-lights

**First Anime Seen**: Cardcaptor Sakura

**Amount of siblings**: 9

**Favorite types of books**: Science Fantasy, Historical Fiction, Mystery Thrillers

**Pet**: Female Black Cat called Freddy (don't. ask.)

**Favorite Drinking Spot**: Tim Hortons (haha! Canadian, eh?)


	28. Shatter!

_**I APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY!!!! IT'S MY DARN ESSAYS! GAH! TO DATE, I'VE WRITTEN ABOUT... lessee... 5 of them and I have 3 more to go, 1 play review and 1 final exam - and then I'm freeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!**_

**_Lately, I've been able to write some various other fics: Ergo Proxy, Bleach... that kind of thing, so check out my other anime fanfics on my profile, if you wish._**

**_And I got a personal website up and running, which you should be able to access on my profile... soon-ish..._**

_

* * *

_

_So Asuma died - and I am in, like, shock... because now my story is an AU. Which is not BAD but different for me... oh well... i guess it's the perogative of the Mangaka to spring such surprises on us..._

_Although, who thought Raido in a cape was smexy?_

_I do not own Naruto._

_Warning: Male/male, violence, swearing, horrifying flashbacks, EXTREME ANGST!_

-----------------------------------------

_To my reviewers, thank you! _

_jennjennr: well, you are certainly kind! lol! I find Yamato is hard to place b/c we've only seen him for a short while so in many ways he ends up like an OC character where you only have a few characteristics to go on - and next to no background. Which is fine. His ending up with Hayate's old girlfriend may just be too 'neat' to be true... (shrugs) oh well... "mouse" for a cat's name? wow! unique! having 9 siblings is pretty interesting. but at least three of them enjoy anime of a sort (not as much as me:P)! and my younger sister is my beta reader when I can let her read my stuff (not this fic, tho:P) this is just dangerous! i'm glad you like how the plot is shaping up... it is going somewhere... it's just so... unwieldy, you know?_

_prescripto13: I find Naruto to be always clueless in the show, don't you agree? It's almost annoying! I always want to kick him in the pants but then, I realize it's a good way for the audience to learn things too. Ah well... I guess I'm more like Shikamaru... heh heh heh... you know, in the forest of death, telling Naruto it's too troublesome to explain things to him! lol!_

_animelover: wow! a new reviewer! I'm honored that you're on pins and needles for this clunky masterpiece:P XD! Hope you enjoy this new installment._

_darkenedmemories: Another new reviewer! I'm glad you took the time to review and tell me you enjoyed my story! I love your name - it's kind of an example of kakashi's issues! heh heh heh! i actually think you're lucky to be able to read a whole bunch of it in one go - altho, yes, I agree - reading fanfics kills the eyes..._

_kokis: yes... that torture scene was real mean. as for Seko. Yukio. well... heh... no... i'm afraid Yukio isn't THAT bad... but we've not seen the last of them both. (winks) enough hints for my fav reader:P When you feel the Yukio is very possible to exist in Naruto, I get a good feeling in my heart - that means he's believeable! thanks! my work is well done then!_

_lotisflower: i know! it's about time I got around to that... now for the confessions! (rubs hands) not this chappie tho..._

_xstrawberrypocky: yeah... alot of people ask if it's a melded family or nuclear. it's nuclear. 2 same parents for all 10 kids... lol! crazy - but fun! I don't mind - i can have babies in the house with having it myself:D_

_eyeliner0tears: if you watch 'Ergo Proxy', you'll understand more what I'm going for. A questioning of space and time and truth and meaning and selfhood. Sounds posh. But it isn't really. Basically, I guess, when you were confused, that's good - because I think Kakashi is rapidly going downhill - he's losing his sense of time - and flashbacks are becoming reality - shellshock, in other words. Or, as we call it today, post-traumatic stress disorder. if I'm right... my science is all screwed._

_kasai ame: I LOVE KYOUYA! But I have a sick feeling that Tamaki will get her in the end... he's that type. Kakashi's voice actor was Tamaki's dad - did you notice? V. nice! 2nd favorite character would be that Yakuza guy: 'Casanova'!!! "MAH!" He is the cutest! It's ok about you being critical. I need stuff like that every now and then - to get more serious._

_sweetassassin: i'm sorry it's taken this long (read above for excuses)! i'm glad you cried - kakashi and sakura's situation is rather... shitty, if you ask me. but hey, it'll all work out... we just have to get over one more hump and it's all good:P_

_WOWitskelc: You're the nice girl who couldn't get my chapter, right? and you emailed me back a thanks and a nice review. Thanks for taking the time to do that - I like to hear from new people all the time - and I never get angry with criticism (unless it's unwarranted...) So thanks for the review - and I hope you enjoy this new update!_

_sakura hatake kakashisgirl: here's an update! late... but an update! (smiles)_

_inquisitive: bath coming right up for you! ;D and as for his past - something very physical is going to come from it and that's all I'm going to say! (runs off to finish an essay...)_

_jemiul: Yeah. Yukio isn't going to get much better. But things will look up soon... very soon. i know i keep saying it... but tis true!_

_sabireru: psycho!kakashi is the best. almost as good as uke!kakashi or socialdumbnut!kakashi. I think his white chakra needs more screen time, ne? who wants to hear about kurenai's teaching issues? oh well..._

**

* * *

**

Chapter 28

**Shattered**

_He could hear them talking above his head - short clipped words and loud voices. His father's ponytail was comically bristling - like Gen-Gen's pet cat - but somewhere deep down inside, he knew that something was not so funny. Turning around he looked up -_

_It was Mother. He wanted her to reassure him. To tell him it was okay. Seeing father like that was scary. And so was Uncle._

_But her face was just a pasty blur - like some horrific spirit -_

_He screamed._

Kakashi's eyes flew open, as he jerked upward with a splash. Confused he looked around him, taking in his surroundings quickly.

A spa. A private bath. Steam hung in the air, covering everything like a warm fluffy blanket. A comforting concealment.

_It reminds me of mother..._

_Mother..._

Kakashi sighed and sank further down, bubbling morosely to himself as his eyes looked over the dark surface of the water.

_Those memories -_

The Copy Nin wondered.

_Why those memories NOW?_

"Kakashi? You okay in there?" Yukio called from the changing room behind the Wolf Hound ANBU.

Tensing slightly, Kakashi turned around with a frown.

"What now?"

"Oooo... so cold - and I would've thought you'd have calmed down by now..."

Kakashi, ignoring the subtle concern in his partner's voice, huffed, rose out of the water and stalked off.

"Heyyy!!!" Yukio called, hopping after the grey-haired man, legs caught in his pants. "Where're you going?"

Kakashi merely gave him a LOOK.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Ichiro and Makoto bumped into a fuming Yukio.

"Where's Kakashi-sempai?" blinked Makoto. "I thought he was supposed to be here for another two hours."

"The bastard left in a snit," Yukio growled. "Damn bastard..."

"He's not going to get better this way..." Ichiro mumbled, trying to sound conciliatory.

_Yukio angry is dangerous..._

"Forget his physicality - he'll be fine by lunch - you watch... he's like a fucking rubber ball... he's always bouncing back... which is probably part of the problem..."

"Yeah..." Makoto sighed. "If only he'd show some weakness, then at least one would be able to get him help..."

Yukio stood up and stalked off.

_

* * *

Weakness, huh? He's shown me weakness - but does that help? Really? Makoto... There are some people out there - and Kakashi is one of them - there are some people out there who you're going to meet - and they'll be the type to drag themselves half dead to battle - like damned -_

_Damn it all... Those nightmares of his are getting worse and worse - he's so unstable psychologically if he went out onto the battlefield and something bad happened... Geez... Ibiki would find reason to pull him out..._

* * *

The dark-haired ANBU sighed as he found his way home in the early morning hours.

"A quick rest up is all we need... but for Kakashi... what he needs..."

Yukio turned his mind away from it.

"What he needs..."

* * *

The next day dawned bright - the weather was perfect - no rain - puffy clouds, a bright sun and blue sky. Totally opposite from some people's moods. As Makoto and Ichiro squabbled happily over their bento boxes -

"HEYYY! Give that back! I paid extra for it!"

"You snooze, you lose..."

"WHAT? The. HELL??? Hey! Hey! No way! Give it here!"

"I like dangos..."

"Buy them yourself, DAMN IT! No! Don't do it AGAIN!"

"Hmmmm..."

"KAKASHI-SENPAI!!!"

"He's too busy reading... heh heh heh..."

"You're just as perverted -"

"You're dissing KAKA-SENPAI????"  
"WAAHHHH!!!! YUKIO-SAN!!! SAVE ME! SAVE ME!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU DAMN IDIOTS!" yelled Neko, smacking the two boys over the head with her katana. "Give it a rest already!"

ANBU Heron was huddled beside Neko, repeating over and over to himself, "What hell did I perscribe myself to?"

Yukio just gave the two boys a look - followed by a glare from Kakashi over the top of _Make Out Undercover_ - and both of the ANBU quieted down.

"They better not be late - or I'm gonna kill them," ANBU Bear glared.

No sooner did the words leave his mouth than Ibiki apparated into the clearing followed by Genma, Raido, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Yamato and Sai. Unit 2 uncomfortably stared at Unit 1:

ANBU Bear slumped on a rock idly.

ANBU Neko looming over -

Two obviously young ANBU still entangled with each other, bento boxes quavering in their hands.

ANBU Heron trying to look cool on a tree branch above (and away) from the fracas.

And ANBU Wolf Hound, who merely flipped another page over in a hideously green and purple book with two masked people crouching behind a bed together...

Ibiki smiled - slowly and secretively.

Raido's eyebrow twitched.

_

* * *

Great. We get the freaks._

* * *

Genma's senbon shifted from one corner of his mouth to the other, as he tried to keep his expression neutral._

* * *

Tsunade-sama. Is this our last chance? Or... what? Thank kami, Sakura is here... Kakashi is... do you see it, Sakura?_

* * *

Yamato and Sai didn't know what to think.

Naruto opened his mouth but was whipped away by Sasuke into the underbrush.

"Iuhjustgottagoandcheckouttheparameters!" The Uchiha babbled as he disappeared with his Jounin teammate.

Sakura stood there, eyes glued to Kakashi - treasuring those small things about him -

The way his fingers tightened imperceptibly around his book's edges as Ibiki loomed over him.

How his lean muscles flexed as he rose -

His legs - his arms – his skinny, wiry frame – the way his shaggy hair drooped over his mask and down his neck…

_

* * *

The uniform looks so good on him... and still... it might as well be his corpse shroud._

* * *

"Sakura," Ibiki's voice bit into the pink-haired medic-nin's thoughts. "Come over here."

"Yessir!" Sakura joined him.

"I want you to be the liaison between both of the teams. You're interchangeable since you're the medic and will be providing medical care as well as back up for both of the units."

"Yessir!" Sakura nodded – her heart skipping an extra beat.

Ibiki nodded.

_

* * *

She's the best for this, really… But… is this what you really wanted, Tsunade? This girl to - Well… whatever… The Hokage knows best, I guess._

* * *

Ibiki jerked his coat more firmly around his shoulders.

"Speak to ANBU Bear and - er - Wolf Hound if you have anything to say. They're the team captains for this trip."

"What about you?" she asked, blinking. "Aren't you going to lead a unit?"

"I'm here..." Ibiki smirked crookedly. "But it's best if Genma leads this time and learns how to deal with larger operations... to get more field experience as a commander. It's hard. You wouldn't believe... especially when you have an equally powerful ANBU counterpart - uh - have your teammates come back yet?" Ibiki looked around the small clearing. "Ah! There they are! Let's go! Unit 1 first, flanked on all sides by Unit 2! Let's do this!"

Sakura – watching her sensei leap away, noting the narrowing of Sasuke's dark coal eyes and the gruff expression on Naruto's face – sighed.

_It's going to be one long mission…_

* * *

The silence was nerve wracking.

Kakashi, crouched tensely among the thick branches of a tree, attempted to drain those dangerous feelings –

_Stress is found in the wait – not the chaos. It's funny – ah, no – not really. Rather, it is sad – that within the chaos of battle, I should only find peace. Tch. When did I get so philosophical. Genma would beat me now if he figured out what state I'm in…_

_Well… maybe he does know –_

Kakashi's mask tilted infinitesimally to the left where Genma had landed on a lower branch – the honey-haired Examiner's shoulders were also tense – his senbon quirked madly as his pearl white teeth clamped restless up and down on the metal.

_Even there, huh?_

He then glanced left and upward – at Yukio's Bear mask, at his blue eyes hidden in the shadows beneath the slit.

And then to his lower right – one branch down. Pink hair and as she turned, wide green eyes – Sakura.

_Sakura. Sakura. What do you – what can you say to that? To find meaning, to find some peace, one looks to the noise, the crash and the crunch of battle. Can you understand that? What would you think?_

_What do you see below us? A beleaguered village that needs saving, perhaps? What do I see these days – _

_What do you see, Kakashi-kun? _

A voice whispered in his head.

It was haunting. That voice was so haunting. A child's whisper – a faint cry.

_Why, Kakashi – why?_

As his sword found peace in a wreckage of skin, bones and blood. The sky and land was black and red as far as the eye could see. Some sort of land where the Tsukiyomi moon shone bright.

He blinked – a cold glove resting on his frozen shoulder woke him up.

And all he saw was the dotted clumps of houses, the craggy mountains casting a huge shadow over everything, the scrubby leaves and bushes hedging his view –

He whipped the hand away harshly.

"Don't touch me," he hissed.

Those touches always burned.

* * *

Sakura could feel his eyes boring into her back.

_It's disconcerting to say the least – to work beside someone pretending to not know you but still – Thank Kami! Sasuke kept his head. Naruto having a fight-out with Kakashi – it would've ruined everything here._

The medic's green eyes fell further to her right where Naruto crouched fuming with a stoic Sasuke beside him.

_Think in the long run, Naruto. Once this is over…_

* * *

"It's a pain in the ass," Shikaku drawled. "I tell ya. To have such a son… Decisions like these are always hard –"

"Hm. Hm." Nodded his old friend and teammate, Inoichi, tossing his now grey-blonde ponytail back. "But then – all weddings are a bother to set up. The way the wife gets – it's scary! You should be glad you had a boy! Our girl has to have everything just so –"

"It's giving me grey hairs," sighed Shikaku, scratching his chin meditatively.

"Really?" asked Iruka, brown eyes round and wide - he'd been contemplating asking Shizune's hand in marriage... but it sounded... horrible!

"And the wife is putting her foot down," Shikaku continued on. "It's to be in Konoha or not at all. I just hope that Temari-chan will agree –"

"Yeah… your wife up against Temari? Scary thought."

"That'd be an internation mess even my genius son couldn't fix…"

Iruka shivered, suddenly glad that both he and Shizune were orphans.

_No fussy in-laws to deal with... wow... who would've thought it could be so difficult?_

"Well… at least Ino chose Chouji. Two Konoha shinobi. Old friends. Same village. No fuss, I guess in that way… Pretty straightforward there."

Shikamaru and Ino – just behind their two complaining fathers – rolled their eyes and sighed.

"Oi… Father…" The Nara genius sighed. "As if I'd try to do something so troublesome –"

"Stop talking as if we aren't there!" Ino screeched, shaking her fist warningly.

Chouji blushed.

Asuma shook his head in amusement.

"You old men never stop, huh?"

"Well…"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean –"

"So… Asuma-sensei – I mean, Asuma –" Ino butted in, shutting the two elder shinobi up with a peremptory wave of her hand. "I noticed Kurenai-sensei wasn't in this expedition. Is she okay?"

Asuma looked around at his squadron, standing (or sitting) in their various positions among the scrubby bushes and rocks.

Shikamaru. Ino. Inoichi. Shikaku. Chouji. Ebisu. Iruka.

Eyes drooping in exasperation, Asuma sighed.

_

* * *

I really didn't want to say anything… how uncomfortable… But come to think of it… probably not as uncomfortable as Genma… ha… the bastard is caught between ANBU and Ibiki. And the idiot Naruto…_

_Heh heh heh…_

_Wish I could be there…_

* * *

"What's he laughing about, do you think?" Chouji whispered to Shikamaru.

"Kami knows," Ino shuddered. "Sounds evil to me… It can't be about Kurenai, could it?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Idiots…"

* * *

Team Gai was silent. After the long period of travel with the verbose captain, nobody wanted to say or hear anything.

Except for Lee.

Both he and his ex-sensei were challenging each other to "1,000-Tree-Branch-Pushups-In-15-Minutes".

Kotetsu and Izumo looked at each other and sighed.

As the rough and tumble Kotetsu looked down over the valley, Izumo watched his friend's changeable face.

"I wish this could get over and done with," huffed Kotetsu. "I'd like to get back home – the preparations for the wedding have sped up… she needs me to be there for her! It's only a months time!"

Izumo stared down at his feet.

_I wish –_

_I wish this mission would never end -_

_I wish I could stay with you forever._

* * *

ANBU Neko suddenly lit down beside Ibiki-san and both, leaning together, held a small conference. Ibiki was nodding – and then motioned both ANBU Captains over.

"Bear and Wolf, it's been decided and accepted."

Yukio and Kakashi nodded.

"Three quarters of the Rock-nins don't want the new foreigners to take over – so they are willing to let us invade – to the effect of them re-establishing the kage. The signal with be a flare. Typical cheapness, I suppose. But there you go. Open and shut."

"Wait a sec," Yukio leaned forward, puzzled. "They've got a Kage ready to go already?"

"There's the old one."

"He's ALIVE?"

"Apparently."

Yukio shrugged and turned to his ever silent partner.

"Maybe it's that old man you played chess with, Kakashi."

"Hmmm… very well might be… and don't call me by my name. It's unprofessional!"

"So cold!"

Ibiki's dark eyes flickered between the two men as they exchanged words – dark eyes that missed nothing –

The subtle shifting of Kakashi away from his leaning partner –

The 'don't-touch-me' stance… the tightness in the shoulders – the skinny frame and almost tense energy surrounding Kakashi.

_You said 'soon' Tsunade-sama – but is that early enough?_

"So we'll be going in first, with Genma's team accompanied – where's the bastard?" Yukio huffed.

"Here…" Genma smirked, eyes flashing. "Good boy that I am…"

"I'm sure…" Yukio bit back, snidely. "I've heard - especially that you'll take anything lying down. Do you do everything he tells you to? Even when it comes to –"

The dark-haired man's insinuations were cut short by a shift punch to the chin on Kakashi's part.

"Shut up. You're annoying," Kakashi said calmly, as if hitting his own teammate was everyday business.

Genma's face was a mixture of worry and anger.

"Uh… uh… mmm… Ka- that is – ahem – Wolf-san, you don't have to go that far on my account." Genma curled his lip. "Somebody's jealous! Somebody's jealous!"

"Be serious," snapped ANBU Wolf at both of the men, his voice as freezing as a storm in Snow Country.

Both shinobi, nose to nose, froze.

"I don't want to have to beat some sense to both of you."

Both shinobi, drew back, mutely nodding.

_It's not Kakashi anymore_, realized Genma with a cold sweat. _The shithead... who does he think -_

Ibiki sighed.

"Listen. We're professionals. Let's not get too heated here… no personal stuff, right?"

"I said that." Kakashi said stiffly.

Ibiki drooped.

_

* * *

Genma's the leader and he's behaving grumpy. Did he wake up on the wrong side of bed or something? Why do I have to be negotiating with freakish partners on missions like these? Genma should be taking over..._

* * *

"Yes. We're professionals – we've got a job to do –" Ibiki said evenly. "And I don't want you bastards to fuck it up with your pansy melodramas, got it?"

"Hai, hai," whimpered Genma and Yukio, wilting under the combined glares of the Wolf Mask and Torture Squad captain's demon eyes. "We got it loud and clear."

The two men glared at each other AGAIN and then looked away dismissively.

Watching the two, Kakashi felt a little trickle of stress melt away –

_

* * *

It reminds me of Sakura and Ino. Sasuke and Naruto… but…_

* * *

He cricked his neck irritably._

* * *

Damn it. Let's get this thing done… the further I'm away from these people, the better I'll feel…_

* * *

"Eh, Mr. Wolf Hound?"

Genma stressed the "mister".

Kakashi came down to earth suddenly.

"What?" he asked abruptly.

"See what I mean," Genma rolled his eyes. "He's the captain for the ANBU team - he's not listening, he's spacing out and HE'S the one who never made it to the meeting... what's up with THAT?"

"Genma -" Ibiki interrupted hastily, as the general area suddenly cooled to sub-zero again.

* * *

"What's going on between the Examiner and Kaka-sensei?" whispered Naruto. "Why's he getting so heated up?"

"What a total moron," sighed Sasuke. "Anybody can feel Kakashi's chakra - try to sense it - he's so fucked up..."

"I'm TRYING - and don't call me MORON! MORON!"

"Shut UP idiot! We've got to be quiet and undetectable! This is a SURPRISE attack. You do know what that means, right?"

"SASUKE! YOU BASTARD!"

Naruto suddenly found his face buried in the tree's trunk, and held there. After a few seconds, the black sandal drew away - releasing the hot-blooded Jounin, who turned around, bark and splinters sticking into his face. His eyes widened at the glint of anger behind the Wolf Mask.

"If you're going to be an idiot. Stay at home," hissed his ex-sensei.

And jerked away.

_

* * *

Really, Tsunade, Genma sighed. __What is it that you want us to do? Doggy pile on him and beat some sense into him? Scold him? Confront him? Create a fan club - or a support group? Geez... we're totally out of our depth here..._, Genma sighed. 

"Well?" Raido whispered, as Genma settled down by him with a sigh. "What's up?"

"Any minute now, somebody's going to flash us a signal and it's going to be one mass attack - and no doubt - chaos... Geez... this is shitty..."

"Sasuke, Naruto, Yamato and Sai are all ready."

"Good. And the rest?"

Raido cocked his head toward a blackbird perched on his shoulder.

"Ready as well."

"Good, good. At least some of us are in our right mind this afternoon."

"It's that bad - I told you so. He's -"

"Shut up."

Raido said nothing. Genma sighed.

"That Bear dude is doing him."

"WHAT?" hissed Raido in shock. "Kaka-sempai is -"

"I'm crazy, I know..."

"You're crazy."

"You didn't have to agree..."

A pause.

"What're you going to do?" asked Raido softly, placing a hand unobstrusively over Genma's, enjoying the warmth created within their wrapped fingers.

"I don't know. But - the way it looks..."

"There's no love? I can see that. It happens any time... people always screw each other on and off the field... like you and Hana -"

"Hana wasn't a mindless fuck."

"Whatever."

Genma frowned.

"Sorry," Raido sighed. "That was uncalled for."

"Yeah. It was. Hana and me had something special going. I won't deny that. I never have and never will. I just happened to love you more."

"Sorry."

"You're so insecure. Get a grip."

"Sorry."

"And stop saying sorry. It's annoying."

"So-" Raido squeezed Genma's hand a little harder. "I know you and Hana cared for each other alot. In fact, I think that her -"

"It doesn't matter. What's between Kakashi and that guy is something else."

"I see..."

"Can't you see it?"

Raido slumped.

"I can feel their eyes. I'm too afraid to look."

Genma laughed and gave his partner a side-ways hug.

"Let them be jealous. Bastards."

He drew back after landing a kiss somewhere on Raido's jaw below the ear.

"Ugh. Stop that. You're embarassing. It tickles!"

* * *

"Ehhh... aren't they carefree?" Yukio said, his voice lilting in a sing-song.

Kakashi, annoyed - both by Yukio's childish attitude and chatter - and the lovey-dovey togetherness heating up on the branches below his feet - snorted.

"Idiots."

"I think it's cute."

"Good thing I don't care what you think."

"So cold."

"Shut up. You're annoying."

Yukio said nothing, but just crouched, an infinitesimally amount closer to the remote Wolf Hound. His eyes, hidden in the shadows of this mask, looked intently down - at the entwined fingers, the quick kiss and the laughter. The happy banter. His fist tightened in his lap.

* * *

"Yukio's a stalker? How scary..." whispered Ichiro to his partner.

Makoto watching Yukio watch Shiranui-san and his partner, shook his head.

"I don't know... but maybe - just maybe - he wants what they have. He won't get it with Wolf-sempai, that's for sure."

"I think it's like Icha Icha all over again! The love triangle! The jealousy! The desire!"

"You're the scary person..."

* * *

"See, he's doing it again," Genma smirked into Raido's ear with a loud fake laugh. "Pretend you're looking around or something."

"I can't..."

"Just do it - or you're going to miss it."

Raido sighed, curiousity getting the better of him, and turned around trying to act as if he were nonchalantly taking stock of his surroundings.

Sure enough, Genma was right.

_The bastard's always right. Which is what make him a bastard... How can you see things like that, Genma? So easily?_

The scarred Jounin's brown eyes couldn't help but widen as he watched Kakashi's gloved hand jerk away from Yukio (subconscious? or conscious?) touch. ANBU Bear tilted his head ever so slightly - and Raido felt trapped suddenly by an overwhelming sense of an intent to kill from both of the ANBU men. He turned around, face red.

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"I mean. Shit. I'm in trouble."

"What now?"

"They saw me..."

"Raido. You're a dunce."

"What?"

"But loveable."

"WHAT?"

"Shhh... if we're seen as being too jovial - our faces will end up smashed in a tree. And since neither of us have a handy Kyuubi in us to heal us up quick, I suggest we at least LOOK as if we're on top of the job."

"Which we are."

"Of course."

"Seriously."

"Right."

There was a pause. Crickets chirped. Several birds flew overhead. A couple of small squirrels chittered angrily at the invaders.

"I hate waiting," sighed Raido. "Let's start already - what are we waiting for -"

Suddenly, in the afternoon sky, a brilliant red flare burst out, a weird chakra-like incandescent flame. Raido and Genma froze up - and then - suddenly, everything started to move fast. Raido slumped there - on his branch - for a second, eyebrow twitching.

"They're mocking me, aren't they..."

"Move it, dumbass!" laughed Genma, disapparating to land somewhere ahead of his younger charges. "Let's go!"

* * *

It was chaotic - the running, the jumping, the jutsus flying through the air as the Council's hand-picked guard rose up before the all-important kage's offices. Shadows spreading over buildings to snag people's feet - to choke them. Mind confusion turning man against his partners. Giant Akimichi batting the weaker guards aside. Someone had used a glue field and - oh yes -

Genma nodded in approval.

_Kotetsu and Izumo - whatever is going on with the privately - their partnership is still strong on the field. Good to know... I think Tsunade was worried about that..._

But looking behind, Genma couldn't help but smile.

_Almost everyone is here. All of Rock has turned out - the women and children sheltered - there's no return for this. No time for regrets. Somehow - out of this chaos - we need to find peace._

From above, Iruka was releasing a powerful water bullet jutsu from above a waterfall in the mountains and then slowly making his way down to the Kage's offices from above and behind. And if the green bouncing flashes around the ex-Academy teacher were any sign, Gai and Lee had no trouble keeping up.

* * *

Turning to his own people, Genma could only laugh. Naruto and Sasuke were trying to out do each other - but the amount of Guards was rather limited. The Examiner could hear the blonde complaining.

"We came out for THIS? What a waste! Man! I'm hungry! What I'd give for Ichiraku ramen!"

Sakura was bending over a wounded Rock, healing a long cut on his arm.

_In fact, _Genma thought_, we've had startlingly little opposition... it almost seems off... were these guys so disliked? Why didn't Rock rise up against them before. But then... there's the Akatsuki member... and we still know so very little about them... Tch. Who knows... huh - what's inside that office... And that's Kakashi's job really... I hope he can hold it through..._

Watching Kakashi gracefully finish off another opponent, Genma's lips turned up wryly - another senbon finding its way to his lips.

_But then - some people can only find that balance, here - ne?_

"Sakura - can you give me the status of our two teams?" asked Ibiki, who landed beside the Special Jounin Examiner.

The pink-haired medic nodded with a salute.

"All Leaf Nins have sustained little to no injuries, sir! TenTen had one cut - a superficial flesh wound Neji bound easily. And it is possible that Ebisu may have twisted his ankle - but he's fine as well, sir!"

Ibiki nodded slowly.

"That's good..."

"You don't sound too happy about it," Sakura's eyebrow cocked, suddenly familiar with her superior.

"Well.. for one thing," Genma sighed. "It's waaayyy too easy..."

"Hmmm... yes... talk about it."

"Ibiki-san..." Sakura blinked - deep in thought.

"It makes me wonder - why the hell are we here?"

"It's almost like they're inviting us," Genma continued. "Don't you think, Sakura?"

Watching Kakashi's team reach the house with Naruto, Sasuke, Yamato and Sai in tow, the pink-haired Jounin could only shake her head. She looked around her carefully - at the looming mountains, the grey waterfalls, the clusters of houses spread over the many crags and hills. Paths filled with Rock, now securing the land, binding all survivors -

"This is way too easy," she frowned. "But I can't understand - it's what - Kisame, you said. Kabuto. And two other people?"

"Hmmm... well... that's what the reports say. The other two haven't been seen alot... but..."

"Perhaps you can help us, old man?" asked Ibiki, turning an elderly shinobi who appeared on the roof. "Or should I say, Kage-sama?"

"Ahh... sharp as ever, Morino-kun," the old grey-haired Jinchiro chuckled. "Still... the opposition I wasn't too worried about. Some of those guards were our old friends - as such, we can reasonably predict their moves. But the fact the four haven't come out... that's interesting... ah... is Rai-kun here, today? I promised him my sake stash when he visited again - after all - he DID win the shouji competition."

"Rai-kun?" Sakura blinked.

"If you're referring to Raiden, yes, he's here today..." Ibiki sighed. "And I'll pass the message on."

"Hmm..."

"At any rate," Sakura rose. "It's no use talking about it. I'm going to go back up the boys - a medic like me, may be needed on the scene - especially... when it comes to the Akatsuki... even one like Kisame, who we know about..."

Genma nodded, "I'm coming with you. Ibiki-san, can you help Jinchiro-sama to secure the rest of the village. Check for traps, mines, bombs and such. Neji and Hinata can help there."

"I am amazed and impressed and thankful that you even brought the Hyuuga."

"No problem," Genma shrugged, before he followed Sakura. "Your problem could become our problem. Especially when it's Akatsuki..."

With that, he caught up to the pink-haired medic and bounding towards the office - suddenly came to a halt as the whole building exploded - every which way - brick, straw, mud, tiles, wood splintering with the suddenly wild chakra surging outwards.

And as the smoke drifted away, there was revealed a tableau:

Naruto and Sasuke glaring at Kisame - holding his sword off of a young ANBU with their own katana. Yamato and Sai were facing off Kabuto - but in the center -

_Oh kami... _

Genma sucked in his breath -

_Not this - not now! _

A grey, blue and black kimono figure sat - tranquilly - composed - as if the building had never been blown off of its foundations. The hair fell back as the face was raised.

Black, ebony eyes met a black and red mismatch.

And before it stood - a hulking man with a long brown ponytail, sword in hand.

"Kakashi-kun," they both said calmly. "Long time, no see."

Behind his mask, his eyes were wide - his body thrumming with tension - still. Frozen. Standing behind him, Genma didn't know what to say.

_I always wanted that bastard's calm to crack. No - just to show some REAL emotion. But this - this isn't what I wanted for you. Kakashi... what -_

"You know him?" he managed to ask, looking beyond the goon to the seated noble.

"Of course," the grey-haired angel smiled. "We are, after all, related."

* * *

**NEXT UP: A shadow from Kakashi's past. 'What do you mean by related?' asks Sakura, confused. 'All his family is dead! He's the last Hatake! This is a lie!... Isn't it?'**

* * *

_First anime character I fell in love with_: Hatake Kakashi

_Favorite accessory_: Naruto canvas bag

_Favorite book_: Lord of the Rings

_Favorite genres_: Historical fiction, science fantasy

_Favorite movie_: too many! Lord of the Rings, POTC 1 and 2, Harry Potter, Pride and Prejudice, The Matrix, Howl's Moving Castle

_Latest buy_: Byakuya poster (SWEEET!!!)


	29. Voices From the Past

I do not own Naruto.

**

* * *

**

So yeah, the news is that the Naruto fillers are going to stop around March! YAY! Around my b-day! I can hardly wait!

**I hope they have the Kakashi GAIDEN!**

**Some news:**

**My personal website is up and running. So is MYSPACE - which you can access - just type in 'kakashidiot'. That's for people who want to get to know me personally... umm... lessee... yeah... That's a great place to start blogging about fics that you want written, that I'm thinking of writing - or even deep thoughts and themes that are involved in GL. And GL spoilers for those who ask.**

**In fact, if you go to my profile, you can get several places to chat with me, if you wish... so yeah... check out my profile and enjoy!**

**ALSO, I'm expanding my fandoms: Bleach, Ergo Proxy, Black Lagoon, Blood+, Ouran High School Host Club**

**If you like any of the above, check them out and constructively criticisize! I'm open to all comments!**

_

* * *

ElleyFaery: Hey! A new reviewer! Awesome. Yes. I don't know why Kakashi has the more loveable summons - I think it's because he spends his spare time with them? I don't know - I just see him as summoning them more often than the others. Maybe he has a better relationship with them? At any rate, Lightning's Howl began with... "What if Kakashi had a Kyuubi" and then just got better... I think... I'm glad you enjoyed my summoning OC... I think he's mentioned in this chappie! TTYL! _

_JenniferPlague: Well... I'm glad you're enjoying my story. As angsty as it is though, I have to say that, there will be a happy ending - eventually. B/C under all my pessimism is a whole bunch of optomism! lol! Hopefully this story will cheer you up! I find that issues with real life are often not easily solved after clearing your head with some good, relaxing fanfics... or doujinshi..._

_sakura-bell: Merry Christmas back to you! Thanks for reviewing! I've been missing you! I'm glad to see you're alive and kicking! Lol! Yes... I had some people wonder if Sakura was a bit too OOC when I had her give Yukio a good scolding several chapters back... but... we'll see... I sense an upcoming fight... lol!_

_Jennjennr: Plots thicken. Is all I can say. Hahaha! Sakura I think plays a huge role in Kakashi's life. And Yukio. And that's what so terrible. It's like... ying/yang... or even like having a good and a bad angel on your shoulders... (like Kronk from Emperor's New Groove, except less hilarious). Izumo and Kotetsu heart. As do Genma and Raido. Genma's still not aware of the Hana situation... heh heh heh... As for who the man is... read on!_

_rogue solus: hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_Zenna: hot chocolate goodness. agreed. especially since it's snowing up here... hahaha! just one more chapter and then it'll be fine. That's all I can say! Hope this consolation helps. Just get over this chappie - and some sort of resolution sets in. I promise. Although... I think I said that last time... geez..._

_Luga-B-Chan: just the fact that you reviewed is awesome! thanks for letting me know that you like story! I hope I continue to be exciting!_

_Kokis: yes... Yukio is a bastard... yep yep. i hate him too. I cringe when I set my pen to the paper. Sort of. I'm a sick bastard-ess, aren't I? heh heh heh. Well, as for Zuzu and Tetsu, things will happen as they happen. I can't tell you much more. I hope you enjoy my bleach fics! I'm still trying to get a handle on the characters, so any constructive criticism is more than welcome - altho, most of my stuff so far has been rather... crack-ed... hasn't it? ah well... we'll just have to wait until the bleach-angst-mood hits me... so far, only Blood+ is really feeling angsty to me... sigh... all these anime spawning plot bunnies... _

_kakashiluveriam: thanks for reviewing! I hope you don't get into trouble for reading this stuff during school! I'm actually really bad for sketching during lectures. i'm sure my profs think i'm either cracked or v. v. v. irresponsible! --_

_Shadow Dragon Boss: hmmm... cliffies have been abounding lately. my bad. I just end up running out of time and since that last long chapter fiasco, i'm trying to keep things in workable segments... so here goes... hope you enjoy! great hearing from you!_

_sakura hatake kakashi'sgrl: thanks for the encouragement! hope this helps satiate any kakashi-cravings!_

_Subakun-sensei: vulnerable!kakashi is one of my favorites! i think he's great when he's portrayed that way - because it throws you for a loop, right? it's very hard to create - because you have to make a huge setting where it's believable... but when it's done right, it really works... (which is why I really think hard before writing my chapters...) but even then, not everything I want covered is written - and sometimes the way it comes out blows chunks. ah well. the joys and heartaches of writing!_

_Jemiul: hmmm... hope this chapter is believable... when it comes to the PERSON... but... i did try to foreshadow bits of it before... hmmm... (goes back to previous chapters and shakes head) i dunno... (shrugs) oh well... what's done is done... hope you enjoy! thanks for the steady encouragement you've given me. i appreciate it so much!_

_sabireru: for you, white chakra comes out to play. for you. read on. and i hope you enjoy! ttyl! p.s. just finished writing a Gen/Rai one-shot for christmas... check it out if you dare to take a poke at a more adult themed fic..._

_Darkflameangel: must agree that kishimoto is v. brave for killing off such an important secondary character - and here's to hoping kurenai is going to provide konohamaru with little red-eyed cousins! and raido IS smexy in a cape... Byakuya IS hot! in my newest (experimental) bleach fic, BeLittle!, he's chibi... awww! i totally would like to see him in chibi... we need a bleach chibi filler! You can get ergo proxy for free at animeeden-.-com (take out the hyphens). direct download. seriously. SWEET! And as for Ouran - AMAZING! (just started ficcing for that too)... and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POINTING SAIUNKOKU MONOGATARI in my direction!!!! IT'S THE BEST! as cliched as this is... I totally fell for the emperor... but - I could see him pairing with SO many people... what are your fav pairings for that show... i might write a one-shot for you, if you request it... (any excuse for writing is good...)_

_IluvJesus123: essays done, exams coming up - but here I am! hope this gives you the necessary kakashi-fix! keep your socks on!_

_LotisFlower: hmmm... gotta hate those relatives... heh heh heh..._

_kakasakuluver: hmmm... lessee... next chapter, Sakura is going to bring him home. and then for the rest of the fic, it'll be about their sweet romance tenderly building up the climax of a marriage. there. I spoiled my fic for you! so just hang on. it's still going to be a bumpy ride... but this is literally the pre-climax..._

_SweetAssassin: wellllll... heh heh heh... she's in the chapter and she gets some POV... but it's the NEXT chapter that I got prepared for her grande entrance as healer etc etc etc. read the comment just above for full SPOILER details._

_sokerfreak922: wow! you're rereading stuff... well... no. kakashi doesn't WANT to be tortured by anybody (as this chapter will show) - but in a way he is masochist in the fact that he KNOWS that ANBU life is destroying him - and yet, he still takes the most psychologically damaging missions - not only as a way to deny that part of him which is loving and vulnerable, but also as a type of self-punishment... so that... in a way, he thinks, ultimately, he DESERVES bad treatment... Genma's comment that it is usual for him is a subtle reminder that Kakashi's missions are ALWAYS walking the thin line of risk. Hope that answers your question!_

-----

**WARNING: SEVERE ANGST. NON-CON!!! SERIOUSLY! NON-CON. M/M. YUKIO/KAKA. If you don't know what that is, go to wikipedia - it's the source of ALL knowledge! VIOLENCE! SWEARING! GRAPHIC VIOLENCE! **

**yeah... there's a reason this is in the 'M' section... **

**OH YEAH... and be warned: flashbacks! flashbacks within flashbacks - and schizo thoughts! hopefully my formatting will make more sense for everybody around!**

**READ AND REVIEW!!!!**

**

* * *

**

Gentle Lesson

**Chapter 29**

**Voices from the Past**

* * *

_**"--------- had power and money sense ------------ both know his wisdom ----------- needed ------ why is it that you, who has all the power ------- do you get it all?"**__**Why do you get it all?**_

* * *

_**Kakashi, huh. The famed Hatake - Copy Ninja no Kakashi. My beautiful -**_

_**Beautiful, broken -**_

_**Toy.**_

**_Toy. You're mine you know._**

* * *

_**A hard - brusing - kiss and a rough tongue licking his dry split lips.**_ _

* * *

Such gentleness._

* * *

The impact was a thousand boulders crashing down. 

Those memories froze him like ice - the unbreakable glaciers of Snow Country...

Snow Country who never had spring until -

That memory jerked him into a semblance of awareness.

_

* * *

Naruto. Sasuke. _

_Sakura._

_You're our proud sensei!_

* * *

"Who would've thought?" The angel's pale lips turned upward in a mask of gleeful suprise. "Kashi-kun." 

And behind that mask... lay unfathomable darkness...

Gentle though it was, the grey-haired noble's voice grated across Kakashi's nerves - tension uncoiled from the ANBU's belly.

Kakashi watched - fascinated - the quivering tip of his katana, shaking in his weakening grip.

_

* * *

Fucked. I'm so fucked. Why am I here? Here - where - _

* * *

He was glad for the white, impersonal mask - for the navy blue one underneath. 

It was a conforting thought that although physical control had been broken - appearances were still kept.

_

* * *

Even then... they KNOW. _

* * *

Yuki, shifting behind him, muttered, "Dammit, Kakashi." _

* * *

They were... _

* * *

Genma somewhere to his right, sighed - soundlessly - and yet, HE heard it. _

* * *

He could hear it all. _

* * *

Those voices in his head. _

* * *

It's THAT boy. You know about his father - _

_I heard about that -_

_That incident -_

_He's a genius, but who knows..._

_Not an Uchiha - it's going to backfire_

_Too young -_

* * *

"Why me?" groaned Genma, breaking the tense stillness. "Always on a freaky mission..." 

Kakashi grimaced.

_

* * *

I gotta ask that too... _

* * *

"You lookin' pretty good, these days, Kashi-kun," chuckled the giant, baring shark-like teeth. 

The Copy Nin shuddered.

* * *

**_Teeth biting hard down into that sensitive crook of his neck -_**

**_Tanned skin gripping - bruising - pale skin as his tormentor reached yet another climax_**

**_Teeth nibbling his ear -_**

**_this automatic -_**

**_unwanted - subconscious betrayal of his body in response -_**

**_The blood on his lip, where teeth had scraped hard against his unresisting mouth _**

* * *

There was blood now. 

Here, on his tongue, tasting of copper - toil - pain - war -

As Seko took a step closer, Kakashi shifted back, flinching at teh sound of his name spilling out loveingly from that demon's lips.

_

* * *

Run. _

_No._

_RUN!_

_I want to run._

Find a dark room and a quiet corner. An alleyway - somewhere - somewhere private - to spew his guts in.

* * *

"He's quite terrified, Seko-san," chirped the noble setting his silver lined teacup down. "You did a great job, I see... Followed every order - except for the last one. What happened - you got soft? Hn." 

"The last order?" Kakashi whispered, lowering his already shaky guard.

Yuki shifted closer, and sneered, "Ah! The idiot who got between me and Hatake-san! I hope you enjoyed your hospitalization... nice scar, Seko-san."

The scar, in question, running down the tall man's browned face - down his left temple, over his eye and cheek - twitched.

* * *

Naruto whistled. 

"Ugly got that from Kaka-sensei? Ha!"

"Fo-cus!" gritted out Sasuke.

Kisame laughed, lifted his sword and sprang backward.

Sasuke raised his katana into middle guard, body tense for attack. Naruto cricked his neck and scratched his head. The Uchiha rolled his eyes.

"Idiot. Listen."

"Whatcha calling me, bastard?"

Sasuke jerked his head toward the three nins.

_

* * *

Genma. Kakashi. ANBU Bear. _

* * *

He did not rise to Naruto's bait - the kitsune's taunt fell unheeded into the silence. 

Naruto's blue eyes widened at his teammate's tightly drawn face.

"Explain it!" he yelled, fists clenching.

"Keep your voice down," hissed Sasuke.

He paused a moment before continuing, watching ANBU Bear step forward, flanking Kakashi, one hand laid on the katana's hilt at his back.

"Remember Ibiki's scroll -"

Naruto's expressive face looked horrified.

"No - way -"

"Yes."

"That -"

"Maybe."

"That was one of the people?"

"Maybe..."

"I thought he'd been imprisoned by Sound!"

"Yes, well -" Sasuke sighed. "Orochimaru called many people to himself. That man - the tanned brute - would be the type to follow him..."

"I see..."

"Well, no, you don't. You weren't there - even I was left in the dark about alot of things - his plans were laid in careful secrecy, thanks to Kabuto... you guys rescued me before Orochimaru ever got detailed..."

"Oh..."

"Hmmmm... but still... that voice... I heard it before -"

"That evil scar dude?"

"No. The rich aristocrat..."

* * *

Sakura, beside Tenzou and Sai, frowned - her eyebrows knitting over serious green eyes. _

* * *

This is bad. Very bad. Kaka-sensei - don't - _

* * *

Even from her position - several feet away - Sakura couldn't help but notice the irregular chakra flare. _

* * *

His heartbeat is racing and he's sweating - and got the chills, no doubt. No. He isn't crazy - _

_He's terrified._

* * *

Now, more than ever, she wanted to run over and clasp that pale, muslced, skinny body - hug it - and never let go. _

* * *

Now, more than ever, I can't. Even that ANBU's presence - everything is probably grating on his nerves... _

_What to do, Sakura. You're supposed to be their healer. But this - what can I do? Seriously?_

_In the face of -_

_THAT!_

* * *

"Seko-san, you're scaring the poor boy - it's hardly fair!" _

* * *

Seko-san. _

* * *

The tall brute - tanned, built, massive, strong, brutal, sneering - smirking... _

* * *

Seko-san. It was you, right? _

_You were there - you were th eone -_

_You are to blame for this erratic mass of confusion._

_And that ANBU - that ANBU I acted so childishly in front of - saved him._

_SAVED HIM..._

_While I did nothing._

_Knew nothing._

_No wonder..._

_He's in no condition to fight right now._

* * *

"The last order?" repeated Kakashi softly. 

"You don't understand, do you? All that hard work I did for Katashi. To impress him. My father! Who betrayed me, giving away what I had cultivated and worked at so hard to someone who only visited a couple times! Anybody could see Sakumo had no experience! But no! And then you came along! An heari, to make things worse! Oh! A disaster! You know even less than your coward of a father knew about the estate..."

A pause.

"You shouldn't have been born."

Kakashi jerked his head up.

"Seko-san," Minoru smiled. "Was to rectify that mistake."

Seko-san grinned.

"You were with Orochimaru?" rasped Kakashi, disbelievingly. "You'd betray -"

"There's no betrayal if there's no trust."

"We've been a part of Fire Country since forever," faltered Kakashi.

"Leaf? Fire?" A gray eyebrow rose. "We've sent our sons and aughters for their wars - for what? What did we gain? Nothing but loss - in every way possible. You should know, Kakashi. Look at Sakumo. At your mother. Your little brother. Your sensei. Your comrades. Your eye..."

Kakashi stiffened.

Genma drew in a sharp breath.

"Where was the support for you when he left? When he committed seppuku?"

The Copy Nin's fist tightened around the katan's hilt.

"You were alone, uneducated in running the estates - the family property in town I hear is let to ruin! If I hadn't faked my death and tampered with Konoha's records, Kami knows what would have happened to the country estate!"

There was a moment of silence as everyone tried to picture the idea of a Hatake estate somewhere out there -

"It's worth alot now, you know. You are an heir to a wealth you can't imagine - that you never worked for -"

* * *

"He's rich?" hissed Naruto. 

"Shut up."

* * *

"Kaka-sensei..." Sakura blinked. 

Kabuto smirked, his glasses reflections shielding his eyes.

"You never knew, did you? Nobody asked..."

* * *

"Back then - money wasn't important..." Kakashi's voice sounded old and weary. "And now - even less so." 

"You say that because you're in the position -"

"No." Kakashi shook his head. "I'm happy to say that the small account father left me with in Konoha was all I began on. I have learned to stand on my own two feet." Kakashi's laugh seemed wildly hysterical to Sakura's perceptive ear. "And you went to all that rouble to secure something I never really knew I had..."

_

* * *

The man - _

* * *

Sakura already knew - _

* * *

Minoru. _

* * *

Kakashi's uncle, sighed. 

"Well, now," he raised his eyes defiantly. "I'm petty. Sad, perhaps - but I thought that Orochimaru's war was a good front for some like me, who had more... personal... issues to deal with... still..."

He moved forward, walking fearlessly up to the grey-haired nin.

"You're here - and perhaps in need of another... lesson..."

The last word was barely heard.

As a pale hand rose to reach forward, a finger resting under teh Copy Nin's chin, Kakashi tensed.

Clearly uncertain.

Everybody froze, waiting for a reaction.

* * *

"Sensei," Sakura whispered. "Kill that demon. Look past that angel face... he's no family... we're here... and will never leave..." 

"Fuck... this is bad..." Sasuke hesitated.

"What's sensei dwaddling about?" Naruto's mouth, widening to shout at his idiot teacher, found itself full with Sasuke's glove.

"Idiot," Sasuke grunted. "How would you feel - to find family - and yet, an enemy all rolled in one? To be alone, to be found and then - to kill?"

Naruto slumped as understanding finally set in.

"I see... There's no way he could raise his sword - but - still... Sasuke... That dude is - bad - and... We're Kaka-sensei's family now - and we could -"

* * *

Kakashi swayed back. 

"We could have -"

_

* * *

Could have what? _

_Could have what, Kakashi?_

_Run to him as you did into your mother's arms?_

_Like at the farm - when that cold hard beak bit your finger... you wanted him to kiss your boo-boos and hug you to make everything better?_

_To be there at THAT funeral?_

_That funeral -_

* * *

**_Mother's photograph blurry in the rain._** _

* * *

THAT funeral - _

* * *

**_Alone at his father's grave, his sensei crying - his own face, stoney and hard - trying to push away that dreadfully lonely feeling. That hate. Anger. Dissappointment. Shame._**

**_It was a boulder of stones - on his forehead, pressing down._**

_

* * *

_

_I cannot cry for that jerk._

_Why did you have to leave me, papa?_

_Wasn't I worth living more?_

* * *

**_The headache building up - all those unshed tears -_** _

* * *

That funeral - _

* * *

**_A funeral of all the fallen - the countless photographs glinting in the obscenely cheerful sunshine -_** _

* * *

Why isn't it raining - _

_I can't cry for you. I'm sorry, Obito._

_Those funerals -_

_Sensei._

_Rin._

_All of them._

* * *

**_Those dead faces - now blank. It was so hard to remember that warmth -_** _

* * *

With them on your back, you are weak, Kakashi - _

_No. They are the ones who I live for -_

_Live for? Live for?_

_Then -_

* * *

**_"Standing on a rock six meters tall, how would you -"_**

**_The wooden door opened - creaking ominously before him. He stood there in the doorway, using that small moment of suprise and confusion to gain his bearings._**

_

* * *

A tiny class - the first one. The youngest group of the bunch, I bet. _**_

* * *

And the teacher - a suddenly worried, young kunoichi -w hose face was innocent of the battlefield. _**_

* * *

Iruka - _

_It didn't bear thinking on -_

**_

* * *

One of the more sensitive kids began to cry as his chakra turned dark. The teacher was stepping back. _**_

* * *

Someone - _**_

* * *

He refused to put faces to these past memories - _**_

* * *

Past memories hurt. They were a weakness... __

* * *

Gen - **Someone had said it was good to have an amazing entrance complete with witty statemnt.** _

**_"What do you want?" The girl gasped._**

_

* * *

She's so young. _

_Immaterial. Kill her._

**_

* * *

The orders were in his eyes only. _**

**_"Class is over, kdis."_**

**_He wanted to say that - but - once again -_**

_

* * *

Immaterial. _**_

* * *

He was action personified after all - Death in a trim body - _**

**_Her dark eyes widened at the tattoo on his shoulder._**

_

* * *

Too late, girl-child... _**_

* * *

His dark glove, a blur as he drew out his short knife and flickered to stand behind her exposed back. _**

**_One of the boys, stood in shock as his sensei's blood splattered over his papers._**

**_He too was dead before he could scream._**

_

* * *

They're only pups - _

_Shut up._

_Not even soldiers -_

_Immaterial._

_No honor in this -_

_It's an order._

**_

* * *

The school house had only taken an hour. Somebody found him there - sitting in one of the desks, motionless - frozen - _**_

* * *

But thank Kami, dry-eyed. _**_

* * *

"Damn... Kakashi..." _**_

* * *

That name - was that even his? How could he own that name... _

_Hatake Kakashi. Copy Nin no Kakashi. Sharingan Copy Nin with over a 1,000 techniques copied._

* * *

**"_Truly, this is the best for our small family. If Kakashi is free to build himself and the Hatake a better name, it would fulfill my wishes and give me joy and fulfillment in the afterworld. Knowing he will do well is better than seeing all our hopes wither._**

**"_However. Given time, this year, with practice, you and I can change this. To reap the full potential given to both of us. Inside us."_**

**"_Everybody has a special talent. It has been merely awhile since the Hatake have ever shown their true strength. I hope that when the time comes, you will be able to use all of your potential."_**

**"…_the people in this village… what they must've been saying… that you're a great Jounin… that's… how I feel… please accept it………. I'm already…. Going to die….. but… I can become your eye…. And from now on I will see the future…"_**

_

* * *

Father... Obito... Your voices condemn me... _**_

* * *

"Kakashi. You. You in there! Dammit! Speak to me! Are you wounded?" _**

**_Strong hands shook him - slapped him awake - and he was there - in the blood spattered room - the warm corpse of a ten-year-old girl with a grey dress beside him -_**

**_Her hair was reddish - any lighter and -_**

_

* * *

Sakura. Rin. _**_

* * *

Somehow Yukio managed to cut off the bloody prcelain mask before Kakashi spewed up what little he'd eaten before the attack on Rock. His dark blue eyes darkened with lust - _**

**_"You're so hot, bloody like that..." He whispered, his breath hot against Kakashi's neck._**

**_Kakashi turned away with a glare and a sharp... 'no'._**

**_But he was weak - and Yukio took him there anyway - hard and fast on the teacher's blood-slicked desk._**

_

* * *

_

_Don't I deserve it?_

* * *

The rattle of Yukio's blade unsheathing jerked Kakashi to awareness - _

* * *

I deserved that, eh, Yukio? What goes round comes round and this - this - _

_This is just one more school room to survive - nothing else matters, really - it's orders - to destroy the four ring leadrs - I'm in a good enough position to -_

_You'd do this to family?_

_Shut up. There is no family - no friends - no lovers -_

* * *

Kakashi's chakra swirled around angrily, suddenly releasing outwards, as his grip on the katana tightened. Minoru managed to block most off with Seko's aid - but he was winded despite his apparent calm. 

That killer in the Copy Nin could smell the slight panic - the increased heart rate -

"So you have forgotten your lesson," frowned Minoru. "Seko-san. Perhaps he needs to be reminded?"

Kakashi's hesitation cost him a brutal kick to the ribs. As he swayed to his feet, coughing up blood, Kakashi felt his vision narrow in rememberance -

Those hands which had crushed hopes, dreams - sanity -

"Idiot," Yukio's pack obscured the panting Copy nin's vision, as he faced down Seko. "You're mine to kill. Sorry. But I have this thing about finishing off unfinished jobs... you understand, Seko-san?"

"There's no way you're going to be able to distract Kakashi-kun from his goal, while we're around!" Genma added, raising his hands in a seal.

"First thing I heard sensible from you!" smirked Yukio.

Genma glared. "Well - great minds think alike..."

"Kakashi - get him!"

Yukio's pat on the arm nearly lost him his life. Although the ANBU Bear managed to doge the Copy Nin's flying fist - the chakra burns across his shoulder were painful enough...

"Don't touch me," Kakashi snapped, stalking off. "And it's ANBU WOLF!"

"Sheesh..." grumbled ANBU Bear.

"He's not -"

"Awww... I guessed as much..." Yukio shrugged. "But that, I did have to double check on..."

"You like to live dangerously?" asked Genma as he watched Kakashi move onward.

"Love is dangerous, ne?"

Genma thought of Raido and Hana.

"Yeah..."

"Still... Kakashi is Kakashi. This way, he can do what he must -"

"That's not Kakashi! That's a monster!"

"Mmmmm... Isn't it monstrous to kill your last remaining relative?"

"You know that's -"

"It's that to him..."

Yukio made no move to follow his partner, who was disappearing into the mountains after Minoru.

"You think I don't understand what his actions mean? I've been his partner for so long... I remember those days he woke up after those - rages... it's the only way he can cope -"

"Bear-san..."

"Hmmm... which means this jerk's got to be dealt with fast. I need to be there to wake him..."

Genma glanced to his left - at his stunned pink-haired medic.

"Don't even think..." Yukio growled.

"Sakura!" Genma jerked his head. "Back up Kakashi!"

"What the HELL are you thinking, asshole?" Yukio darted one direction to avoid some weird summoned axe that had appeared in Seko-san's hands.

Genma jumped into the air, released several senbons down at his enemy and landed behind Yukio.

"She's in love with him," he said simply. "Perhaps - she's the only one to reach out to him."

"Dammit!"

"Jealous, huh? Why am I not suprised? It's nice to know I'm right..."

"Shut up, bastard!"

"Stop talking, and fight," snarled Seko, his scar twitching in irritation.

Yukio and Genma turned from their growling nose-to-nose stance.

"You're worthless!" sneered Yukio, flashing in behind teh large giant to stab him deeply in his lower back into the gut.

"Coward! A person who needs to torture to feel powerful... what kind of shinobi is that?" yelled Genma.

"We're going to make you pay!"

Genma pulled out his needles complete with poison.

"Ha! For that fuckable beauty? Well - he's the type to make everyone crazy, heh... That I understand..."

"Don't talk about him like that!" yelled Yukio, managing to cut their nimble enemy along the ribs.

"Yukio..." Genma sighed. "Keep calm..."

"I AM calm, bastard! Wanna see me ANGRY?"

"Uhhh..."

Genma flashed toward the ex-Sound nin, as Yukio flew backward - after providing nice cover with a wind jutsu - followed by a fast-acting binding spell. Seko-san's chakra failed to repel all the needles. One sank into his neck. The tanned giant fell forward paralyzed as the poison spread unstoppable through his veins.

"Any last words?" Yukio taunted, comfortablly crouching by the snarling man's head.

Genma's eyebrows furrowed as Seko's lips turned up in a smile.

"Yeah..." he leered. "What I did... no regrets - no - none... only wish... I - I - could... fuck that white ass all over..."

Yukio rose and, filling his foot with chakra, crushed the man's skull with a satisfying SPLAT.

* * *

Sakura didn't get far before, she had to jump sideways suddenly, as Minoru hurtled backward from a particularly hard blow from Kakashi. The black streak whizzing past her - a blur of blood and death - so hard to track - could only be her sensei. On a rampage. _

* * *

Tsunade. This what you wanted me to be here for. This - _

* * *

She followed carefully - the tangle of swords, clashing, ringing all over the small outcropping where the Kage's office had once stood - _

* * *

Getting involved could mean death if I'm not careful. Wait for an opening, Sakura... _

* * *

Looking beyond teh two fighting men, she watched as a carefully placed wind jutsu from Naruto blasted kisame backward into the path of the ever watchful, red eyes of Sasuke. The Sharingan, activitating, held Kisame under, while Naruto stabbed the Akatsuki through the heart. 

"Wayyyyy too easy..." Naruto's loud voice could be heard in complaint. "Say, Sasuke - is it just me or has Kisame gotten weaker?"

"Just you," Sasuke said shortly, already focussing on the all-important battle. "But watch Sensei... he's not too shabby either..."

Everyone was watching Kakashi - as he stalked forward toward his prey.

_

* * *

It's not often we get to see a fight like this, Sakura shook her head. __Much less... Kakashi... it's been a while seeing such a focus of skills... To know who we got all our skills and knowledge from. I've been lucky, really..._ , Sakura shook her head. 

_Like a wild animal_, Genma thought.

* * *

Minoru was still standing, oddly enough - robes and kimono torn, bleeding - panting, coughing up blood - 

Kakashi himself seemed a little worn too - his porcelain mask was missing - And his navy mask had two cuts - blood was running down his face unheeded.

* * *

"He's still hesitant..." Sasuke sighed. 

"BAKA-SENSE!" screamed Naruto, hands around his mouth. "Kick the bastard's ass already! You're not looking cool letting yourself get beat up like taht!"

"Idiot - like he's going to care about -"

"SENSEI!!!" Sakura' voice echoed down from her vantage point of a roof close by. "KAKASHI!!! You can do it! I believe in you!"

* * *

"Ehhh..." Yukio winced. "He's got a cheering section... how lame..." 

"It'll work. You'll see," Genma shrugged. "Probably lame - but -"

"You have people here for you, huh..." gasped Minoru. "You never gave anything to them. Unsociable. Proud. I watched you. How could I trust you, eh? It's your fault! You had everything when you least deserved it! Money. Connection. Sharingan. Jounin-ranking. Power. Looks - you look like Hanako, don't you? Even your coward father had everything. He had Hanako... Everything... and I - I had nothign!"

* * *

"Kaka-sensei has a girly face?" Naruto blinked. 

"You missed the point, baka..." Sai chuckled. "As clueless as usual... even after this conversation..."

"Sai - you bastard! Idiot is not an appropriate nickname - hey - where were you?"  
"Busy... doing our jobs. Killing off Kabuto... you know -"

"Ah... we already did our part..."

"Well... you always did the easy missions, didn't you? That way you look good all the time..."

Naruto turned an enraged bright red.

"Oi. Sai-kun," Tenzou shook his head. "Too far..."

Tenzou ended up freezing the two boys with his trademark glare.

* * *

"Talking only delays the inevitable," Kakashi told his uncle, his voice cold. 

Sakura shivered.

"Your future is death. I've seen it..."

"We'll see about that!" Minoru smiled.

Raising his sword, the man's white chakra flared erratically along the long dark blade. "Black CLAW!"

"Lightning's HOWL!"

Kakashi's deep voice, echoed around the valley - rang with power - vibrant - as Lightning's Howl chakra blew outwards, blasting past the spectators. As the dust cleared, Sakura gasped. There stood the two men, swords raised, flaring with chakra -

_

* * *

This is the power of the Hatake - _

_Why they were always sent to war -_

_What they spent again and again for love of the Fire of Leaf..._

_This is -_

* * *

Sakura could see the form of the gentle - yet powerful - wolf, whipping around her sensei. _

* * *

HER sensei. _

* * *

"GO! GO! KAKASHI!" 

She didn't care if he couldn't hear -

_

* * *

Sakura. _

* * *

Kakashi grinned. _

* * *

Even now - she _

_She says -_

* * *

His black eyes narrowed as they met - Minoru's eyes. 

"Let's go!"

Everybody watched with fascination as the two men raced towards each other -

The erratic flares of Black Claw.

The steady flame of Lightning's Howl.

"This is it," murmured Tenzou behind Genma.

"Hmmm..."

_It's odd_, Sakura smiled. _It reminds me of Lightning's Howl - yes... I can feel him -_

In Kakashi's white chakra, blue eyes flared.

They were close.

_

* * *

Do it. End it. Do it. End it. _

_Come home._

* * *

Sakura chanted over and over in her head - as the lean black figure of Kakashi met the blue and violet silks of Minoru. Everybody watched, breathless, mouths hanging as white blade met white blade - 

And as if set - inevitable - slow - but sure - Kakashi's blade continued it's downward swing - breaking his opponent's sword - cutting through shoulder - breast, ribs, lungs, heart, more ribs, flesh and then - out -

"Sorry..." Kakashi gasped. "We both - have nothing - we have no heart -"

Sakura disappeared after the fleeing Copy Nin.

"Same as usual -" Yukio sheathed his katana.

Genma grabbed his wrist.

"You need to lead the ANBU team -"

"Fuck off."

"Ibiki. You and Yukio can lean everything up here. Sasuke, Naruto - we're following Sakura to help secure Kakashi."

"Speaking of abandoning leadership - I'm going - and don't try to stop me -"

Genma glared at Yukio, who in turn jerked away -

"I need to be there for him -"

"Like hell," Sasuke frowned, glaring at the ANBU mask. "Sakura will be fine. She's brought him back before -"

"No." Yukio said harshly. "It's gotta be me!"

He darted off.

"What's his problem?" Naruto blinked. "He's acting like a wife..."

"Uhhh... clueless..."

"Tenzou - Take care of the ANBU unit..." Genma turned away.

"HAI!" The ex-ANBU nodded.

"Let's go. Naruto. sasuke. It's time to get Kakashi home!"

**

* * *

**

NEXT UP:

_Sakura catches up with Kakashi - her healing hands draw the little, lost, white-haired boy in to her warmth. But can Kakashi even accept himself - much less her?_

_How does Yukio feel?_

-----

**Boring Info About Me**

**Hairdo of the week**: Two little buns on my head :P

**Evil thing right now I have to do**: Diet

**What I most need**: Money

**What I hate about Christmas**: Shopping in busy malls (i'm afraid of crowds of people)

**What I love about Christmas**: Giving gifts (when I have money...), the morning of Christmas when my family opens the gifts - one by one and then we have pancakes and stuff.

**Christmas tradition**: Sinter Klaas (we're dutch...)

**Favorite plush toy**: RACCOONS! I have collected around 24-ish of them! And they all have names... --'


	30. Fall for You

**THANKS TO REVIEWERS!**

**Sorry for the wait! I'm so sorry! I don't know why you keep up with this fic when I take so long... sigh... it's just that school (university English) got hectic and family events over the holidays just took away my time. And I'm working 2 jobs! Ack!**

**And I just got a wisdom tooth extracted... which... yeah... Tylenol is my friend. XD**

* * *

_**kureneko**: yes. yukio is evil. he's going down. eventually._

_**tampoposensei**: thanks for reviewing! i'm glad you're cool with the story - esp. the angst. and what's awesome is you like it even tho kakairu is your fav pairing... thanks again! it means alot to me!_

_**dragonkittykyo**: hi! long time no see! I'm glad you're still digging it. And yes, Naruto is a dumbass. As per usual... Hope you have a great year as well!_

_**elleyfaery**: sorry about the spelling issues... I've still not got a beta for this story... yeah... and i'm using wordpad right now... so... zip all spell-checking too. ANBU!Kakashi is the HOTTEST! and I want a plushie! I'm so totally gonna get one when I go the anime con in Toronto..._

_**kokis**: thanks alot! sometimes, i wonder where all that poetic ugliness comes from... (sweatdrops) it's eminem, i swear... (looks innocent) hahaa! I'm glad you're enjoying it - violence and all! hope you like this soothing installment!_

_**luga-b-chan**: a million thanks for taking the time to review and be your generally encouraging self! i'm glad you like my writing style... sometimes I struggle to get my point across... but, hey, practice makes perfect. and in reply to the german... Tausend dank! (i'm actually more dutch-ish, but hey...)_

_**Jamieglasgow4**: thanks for reviewing! yep. fillers ending feb 15th... i think... yeah... totally am looking forward to that... with anticipation. anything is better than what is happening now... altho it's nice that Bleach has moved on to the arrancar arc now... ahem... yes. as for kakashi god-modery. yes... i can be accused of that, I suppose. but... hopefully in this chapter, you'll see a weaker side!_

_**gooby**: here's the update! hope you enjoy! elmo, huh? wow... no... i don't have a racoon bedspread... but i want a kakashi one... I'm prolly gonna quilt me a kakashi quilt during the summer... (kakashidiot obsessing as usual walks away)_

_**sokerfreek922**: thanks for the obsessing! i'm honored! i hope you enjoy the newest chappie!_

_**perscripto13**: arigatou! I'm glad you're enjoying this. but warning you - this upcoming chappie is a definite change in pace! hahaha!_

_**jenniferplague**: thanks! i'm glad you like it! good work! it's hard to keep up a high pace for me, i tend to plod along and (eventually) get it done... hahaa! being a geek is cool. look at bill gates! (i'm a total nerd)_

_**shadow dragon boss**: i'm glad you enjoy the kick butt action. hope you enjoy the change in pace as well!_

_**kakashiluveriam**: wow! i'm honored that you put me before studying - i just hope you don't get too in trouble. i'm bad for that myself when it comes to bleach and naruto! hahaha! i'm glad the angst had impact. hope this helps you cheer up! (winks)_

_**sabireru**: glad you liked ANBU!Kakashi. he's awesome, yes. and yes, yukio is getting scarier. i hope he is... glad you picked up on that!_

_**mary**: who cares how Yukio feels? hmmm... no one... some people do... but... yeah... i'm trying to keep him 3 dimensional... so he's more complex. because i think love can get corrupted, don't you? thanks for the chat!_

_**kakasakuluver**: thanks for calling my story unique. i appreciate that. it makes my head swell up to disproportionate sizes! hahaha! (pops my head-balloon). yes, i'm glad you enjoyed the battle scenes - those i find the toughest - up there with writing Sasuke..._

_**sweetassassin**: read this chapter and weep. hope you enjoy the kakasaku-ness... as it stands, that is..._

_**darkflameangel**: must say that Ryuuki is the best! but also have this urge to write ryuuki with one of the guys... sadly... i'm not into writing incest, else i'd do a fic where he comes onto Seiran without knowing they were related... hmmm... maybe somebody would take that plot bunny off my hands and dispose of it. other pairings i'd want to do just for the heck of it would be ran/kouyuu, kou/reishin and ryuuki/kou... hahaha... the last one would be crack of course... death note is amazing - but i know i'm going to go into a deep depression when L dies... as for Ergo Proxy, I'm clipping it right now for an AMV. yep..._

_**someonewithnothingbettertodo**: wow! a new reviewer! and honest. well... as Jamieglasgow3 pointed out, there IS god-modery. blame my kakashi-obsessiveness, or the fact i write kakashi-centric fics on a regular basis. hmmm... and yes, i did kinda overemphasize his fight, but consider it this way: he's been missing for almost, what, 8 years? and so, naturally, i think, in naruto-verse (where ninjas don't necessarily behave like ninjas), they'd stop and watch. hmmm... and yes, i agree with you. he's shitty sensei. which i point out every now and then. of course in Revelation of the Wolf, Sakura tells him that he was the only one fit to take care of them, but as i copied the manga, I have her tell him that he "lacks enthusiasm" etc etc. and in White Fang, Lightning's Howl, he struggles with guilt over his lack of teaching skills. Especially concerning Sakura (b/c out of the 3, i think she's getting the least training from him, right?). As for his abilities, if you look at the Naruto info book, they have those hexagon things which show the coverage of the ninja's abilities. Kakashi is the ONLY one to have the entire thing balanced. Lee/Gai/Naruto tend to tai, Sasu/Saku/Ita tend to gen. etc etc. Basing my description on that, I'd say that he's got more abilities than he lets on - otherwise, he'd never have thought up that crazy ass training for Naruto in the more recent manga. Does this make sense to you? Well, at any rate, thanks for the comment and the subsequent chat. I don't feel offended at all, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story, yaoi non-con and all. thanks again! ja ne!_

_**moiya hatake**: will do! just not right now... yukio has a purpose... sadly... thanks for commenting!_

_**lotisflower**: yes, must say that yukio is very jealous to say the least. poor guy... he just can't compete..._

_**rhianna midori**: thanks! and a good new years to you too! sinterklaas rocks! hope you enjoy this chappie!_

_**sakura hatake kakashisgrl**: thanks again for reviewing! i'm glad you like it angst and all! hope you enjoy this more -romantic- chappie!_

* * *

**I do not own Naruto.**

**Warning: Angst, AND LOVE LOVE!!!**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 30

**Fall for You**

It was late afternoon - the sun was quickly sinking behind the hills - it sank, slowly, disappearing - disappearing behind the mountains - and as Sakura followed her quarry, behind the valleys she traveled through. It sank, inevitable as time - time itself.

_Time._

_I need more time._

_Well_, thought the medic with a sigh. _What I need is Kakashi's speed... but... he's using some sort of a speed jutsu... or... what..._

_Time. It'll only be a matter of time - I WILL catch up..._

* * *

_"Maybe we'll see each other, once in a while."__**

* * *

Her worry.**__

* * *

"Maybe."_

_"I heard you were training extra nowadays, too."_

_"Yes, well... I decided that I should become stronger as well... so that I'll be able to help you and Naruto bring back Sasuke."_

_

* * *

**Her smile.**__

* * *

"So. Even Naruto's attitude has affected you."__

* * *

**Her laughter.**__

* * *

"Shhh... It's a se-cr-et."_

_"Sakura?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I'm - sorry."_

_A pause._

_"I'm - sorry that - I - I couldn't -"_

_"No, that's fine. What better teacher could I have than Tsunade? If Naruto's being taught by Jiraiya and Sasuke by Orochimaru, I better be on the top of my form too! I like you, sensei, but your face is always one that is lacking in enthusiasm..."_

_**

* * *

Her forgiveness...**__

* * *

I like you, sensei...__

* * *

Rin._

_Sakura._

_The peacemakers who had to endure so much pain. If not physically, then at least emotionally._

_Sakura._

_

* * *

"You should come in, Kakashi-sensei... you of all people should be praised for today."_

_"I should have spent more time teaching you taijutsu - you got yourself beaten up pretty badly..."_

_"I'm remedying that on my own time. You should not feel guilty..."_

_**

* * *

Her encouragement.**__

* * *

"I really wanted you here tonight because I wanted to thank you. Even publicly."_

_"Eh?"_

_"You aren't a shinobi with a lot of enthusiasm in his face. You're always late and you really are a pervert, reading those books. But... when I was most down, your face reminded me of your words. That you believed in me... Those words - raised in me a fighting spirit."_

_"Fighting spirit."_

_"I guess you heard that before. Tsuande said that the Third talked about it a lot. How the shinobi of Konoha were a people of love - much more like passion - and this was the fuel for the fighting spirit."_

_"That's right."_

_"Those words - you recognized me. That made me feel happy. I didn't want to let anybody down. But I really didn't want to let my team down..."_

* * *

_Time. What WAS the time? _Kakashi wondered idly as he sped along, trying to ignore the spreading burning sensation which crept up and sideways across his chest. _How long have I been running? Half a day? Or more... Does it really matter?_

_Does all this really matter?_

Thoughts racing unbidden through his mind, Kakashi could hardly focus on where he was going.

_Going..._

_The word lodged there in his mind for a moment._

_Where AM I going?_

* * *

"_Ahhh… Kashi-kun… you've had it easy since we've moved to the village permanently."_

"_Why did we have to move?"_

"_For you," said another voice – but softer and lighter._

_For you._

* * *

"_Guess what, Kashi-kun. For your birthday, we've got a surprise!"_

"_Supwise?"_

"_Hmmm…" a soft voice said. "A trip."_

"_Where are we goin'?"_

"_To the family farm!"_

"_We're visiting Uncle?"_

"_Yeah. It'll be fun!"_

"_Can I feed the chickens?"_

"_I'm not sure…"_

"_Moothhherrr!"_

"_Now, now… you just have to ask Uncle. Sakumo, stop laughing. Talk to him about it…"_

"_Hai, hai!"_

* * *

"_So when you call him a genius…"_

"_Yes. We can't ignore it anymore, Hanako. Kakashi is a gift as much as he is gifted. I don't want him to feel different…"_

"_Isn't that a given? He'll always be different – the clan needs somebody strong like him to carry this clan forward… And this little one…"_

"_Hanako, love, Kakashi is a gift… but he wouldn't be here if you hadn't… you're the blessing. You're my blessing…"_

* * *

_He could feel his father's arms coming around him, crushing him – to hide, to find some sort of resolution – to vent his grief in a bear hug. Kakashi hadn't understood. _

"_Truly, this is the best for our small family. If Kakashi is free to build himself and the Hatake a better name, it would fulfill my wishes and give me joy and fulfillment in the afterworld. Knowing he will do well is better than seeing all our hopes wither. _

_I hope he understands._

_I love him so much."_

"_Where is she? Where's Mama?" _

"_K-kash – Kakashi… Mama – isn't going to be living here anymore… she's gone away on a long journey…"_

"_A mission?"_

"_No. Not a mission…"_

"_Did little brother stay with us?"  
_

_"No. He – he's gone to be with Mama. She can take better care of him anyway. Kakashi…"_

"_She'll come back, right? We can wait for her."_

_He could feel his father's arms coming around him, crushing him – to hide, to find some sort of resolution – to vent his grief in a bear hug. Kakashi hadn't understood._

* * *

_If I hadn't made her run around so much. If I had picked up my bedroom like Papa told me too. If I hadn't left to play with Genma without telling her. If I had helped her carry the groceries home._

_She wouldn't have been so tired and exhausted. She wouldn't have slipped and fell down the stairs. She wouldn't have bled to death._

_Ryo would have lived. Papa would have been okay. He wouldn't have cried at night. He would have been strong on his missions._

_All that. It was my fault._

_I don't deserve…_

* * *

_Uncle._

It was too hard to comprehend. Too quick.

_How could this have happened? How -_

_Uncle._

* * *

_"Hey!"_

_"Sakumo! How have things been?"_

_"Great! Just great... Did you hear? Hanako and I - we are ot have nother child. Maybe a little brother for you to play with, eh, Kashi-kun? Or maybe you want a sister to protect?"_

_Kakashi stuck out his tongues._

_"Girls are dumb! I wanna brother!"_

_Uncle laughed._

_"Another genius, you said, Sakumo?"_

* * *

_Finally! A genius to revive the glory days of the Hatake!__

* * *

__Once upon a time, the Hatake clan were a great people.__

* * *

Kakashi. Obito comes from a great clan but you come from a great man. Never ben ashamed of your name - Hatake Sakumo is a name associated with the Sannin for all time.__

* * *

What makes a shinobi is not his jutsu but love, loyalty, courage and hard work. True power lies in you, Kakashi._

* * *

_Father._

_I'm sorry._

_I'm so sorry._

And all those images - all those faces - all those words of hope and pride have burst foth like a dam, sweeping away his uncertainty -

Burying him in despair.

_Father._

His last spurt of chakra flared - his sandalled foot lost traction -

Kakashi slipped.

Fell.

And laying there - winded - watched morosely - as grey clouds rolled over the sun.

_Where do I go?_

_How fitting it is to rain..._

* * *

Sakura sighed.

_Damn him._

_For being such a stubborn..._

_Grrrrrr..._

"Where's he going?" she muttered to herself as she veered sharply to the right, following his erratic path. "At this pace, he's going to wear himself out... He's not even slowing down..."

_How long is he going to last - before expends all of his chakra - before he - he -_

_Dies?_

_Thank goodness I took the time to build up my endurance. He's wounded - I should be able to catch up - there's no I'm going to let such a stupid tragedy win. _

_I hate that..._

_Stupid tragedies._

_Stupid men._

_Especially stupid men..._

Taking careful note of her surroundings - sometimes pausing to climb a tree in order to gain some sort of geographical bearings, Sakura tried to orient herself. Even more troubling for the medic tracking her sensei was the lack of sunlight. As the sun sank taking warmth and light with it, Sakura could only shake her head.

_I'm fine. I've not been battling like a mad man for hours..._

It was the sight of familiar mountains that made her sigh with relief.

_So we're in Fire Country now... he's heading for Konoha's direction... when I catch up with him - it'll be easy to get back up..._

_If I find an outpost..._

Sakura sighed.

_Let me find an outpost..._

* * *

"_Hmmm….. well…. My first impression of you guys…" Kakashi stared down, with a hard look at his Genin team. "is….. I hate you."_ _Everybody looked gloomy._

* * *

Those times seemed so far away now.

Kakashi laid there - looking up at the grey clouds and the rain - the green leaves which provided some sort of cover over his head...

_The fire of Leaf..._

He flinched -

The thought - or was it the cold which hit his upper cheek? Or a tear?

So unnatural.

_Reminds me of all those funerals - of a funeral that never happened. Another one that will never happen. Another name not on the stone. Another forgotten. _

Kakashi's sigh caught in his throat as the burn in his side throbbed. The stab wound - untreated - protested. His whole body was complaining. Tired. Bruised. Abused. Spent to the max.

_Sure I look cool fighting, _the ANBU mused_. But even us - even so, we're only human. How can we forget? _

Raising his hand over his head, he watched the rain wash away the mud and the blood. His blood.

_I better get to a medic before it gets infected. Probably already is... Could get serious if it isn't treated._

He felt so removed from it all.

_Was it really him feeling the pain and the sweat?_

He didn't move.

Just lay there.

Enjoying the cool on his feverish face - his pale skin now bared under the sky.

He closed his eyes.

* * *

Sakura was not a Jounin because of her pretty looks (whatever Tenten and Kotetsu thought). Besides her scary strength, medical know-how and amazing chakra control (and much more), Sakura had honed detection skills over the years of battle and missions. Useful especially on the battlefield - to distinguish between the wounded, the dying and the small rats and obnoxious buzzards who came to feed on the corpses.

_All these talents_, she though whimsically of the Sharingan and her skills, _born in the face of death - for survival, for life._

_It's sad._

Standing there among the trees, Sakura stretched out her senses, eyes closed. For a moment, the world lay in black and white. Silent now as the hush of the rain dimmed in the face of severe confrontation. Behind her, a red heartbeat inside a fox, creeping silntly underneath a hedge - stalking, stalking...

_A bunch of red chakra flares - rabbits? Squirrels?_

_At any rate, something mammalian... Not Kakashi-sensei..._

To her left... nothing...

To her right, nothing.

Sakura sighed.

_Where is he? He can't possbily outstrip me! He's sick... for kami's sake! No doubt he's running a fever by now... damn..._

Pushing her anxiety back, Sakura raced forward, keeping an eye out for his faint trail.

_I just hope he doesn't try to go near the mountains... that'd make it worse..._

* * *

"If you stop crashing around -"

"Stop moving around like that, idiot."

"What'd you call me?"  
"Idiot, idiot."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT, SASUKE, YOU BASTARD! Sai, Tenzo... say something!"

"..."

"Ummm... as much as it pains me to admit... emo-boy is right..." Sai grinned.

Sasuke's dark eyes flashed.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

"Emo-boy, emo-boy."

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

"Are you deaf? You know... you should get that problem checked out by the hags - or -"

"HAHAHAHA!!!! Sasuke can't take his own medicine!"

"But he's right, idiot," Sai said casually, as he peered at the ground (oblivious to Sasuke and Naruto's combined Death Glares). "It's already a pain - but it seems like the trail's been erased. You trampling all over what little clues we can get isn't going to help us catch up."

"Eh? The trail's been erased? Whatcha mean?" Naruto blinked.

Sasuke was banging his head against a tree trunk in desperation.

_How can a ninja like Naruto be so clueless? _He wondered for the umpteenth time. _No wonder Tsunade-sama hasn't elected him to be a sensei yet..._

"Naruto. It seems like someone doesn't want us to find Kakashi-san," Tenzo shrugged. "Perhaps his ANBU partner. Not Sakura, for sure..."

"I can't BELIEVE THAT GUY!" Naruto squawked with outraged, as he finally clued in. "Wait till I get my hands on him!"

"You go do that," Sasuke muttered. "Until then, get out of the way and let us figure it out..."

"It's pretty bad..." Yamato sighed. "Get out the map."

Naruto and Sai pulled out the map and stared at the black ink lines.

"How's this supposed to help us?" asked Naruto. "Are ya gonna close your eyes and point?"  
"No, idiot. That'd be what you'd do," snorted Sasuke. "No. We're going to try to predict the direction they're going in - and try to catch up that way..."

"That's a real long shot though..." Sai shook his head. "There's a lot of wilderness out here..."

"Well..." Yamato shook his head. "We've been traveling fast. I think we're in Konoha right now..."

"Really?" Naruto looked around. "It's new to me..."

Sasuke and Yamato sighed. Sai stared at Naruto as he were a specimen.

"That's a new low," Sai grinned. "It's okay though... it seems we're heading toward the village - the way it's been angled..."

"You think so?" Sasuke peered at the line that Yamato was plotting. "I think it's just a bit to the left there..."

"What IS there?"

"Mountains - what eventually become the escarpment..."

"Escarpment?"

"Yeah, you know... the cliff with the faces on it?" Sasuke said as simply as he could. "That's the 'mountain' right? It's part of a long ridge of rock which eventually become mountains... see here..."

"So Kakashi-sensei is headed to our village."

"Sasuke says he's not aiming properly."

"Well... isn't he wounded?" Naruto flapped his hand. "Baka-sensei probably can't see straight."

"Hmmm... I'd say that too," Sasuke drew back. "Except there's one thing..."

"What?" His three companions leaned in to look again at the map - to find out what Sasuke found. "You know something?"  
"That." Sasuke said in a dead-pan voice.

It was a round circle. Really small. A dot.

"Aoi Ta-ishishi?"

"Never heard of it," Sai muttered.

"You wouldn't. It's small," Yamato pointed out. "I never heard of it."

"It's Kakashi's hometown."

"Where..." Naruto's face brightened. "Where that bastard Minoru came from!" Then his face sobered with realization. "It's where his Mum died, isn't it? Sasuke... this is bad... we've gotta stop him! What if -"

Sasuke nodded.

"Let's go then..."

* * *

_Kakashi... I'm sorry - I have to go. You must understand._

It was her voice - full of unsaid emotion. Love he had never been ready for. Pain he tried to ignore. Fear and anxiety. Just hearing it - as if she were there again - bending over him as he lay there numb with a broken arm, a few cracked ribs and a sprained ankle - now in splints.

He had wanted to stop her. Stop him - Sensei. It was madness.

_All of this is madness_, Kakashi thought in agreement. _Useless sacrifices... mistaken actions... and this... I really should get out of the rain... _

The grey-haired ANBU staggered to his feet, unsure of where to go next.

_Damn... I've got no clue... _

For a moment, he contemplated climbing the large tall tree beside him - but his lack of chakra and shaky legs were a real deterrent.

_Okay... maybe not... If I take a couple of deep breaths - I might be able to at least find some sort of chakra signature from a town nearby... if there's a town nearby... Huh... It'd be seriously funny if I died out here from exposure... I'd never hear the end of it from -_

_Tsunade... no, Sakura. Especially Sakura. Yes. _

_She'd go to hell after me to kill me again with her bare hands._

The thought made him smile. Shutting his eyes, he tried to concentrate with what little strength he had left. Sure enough to the right, withing a couple of miles lay a small town...

_Saved._

* * *

Three hours later, Sakura stopped for a quick snack on a rice ball and for a quick drink of (now cold) green tea from her pack. She contemplated a chakra pill but then put the bottle away.

_I'm still good. But... it seems like he's getting sloppier... he's gotta really be out of it now. And the tracks are fresher... so... I'm catching up... And about time too..._

Three miles onward, the medic's green eyes widened at the smell of blood mixed in with the damp rain. Sure enough, five minutes later, she found a small patch of blood mixed in with mud and grass below and especially large tree.

_Kakashi-sensei. He was here... And... he's..._

_DAMN HIM!_ Screeched Inner Sakura. _IF HE DIES ON ME - I'M GOING TO FOLLOW HIM TO HELL AND KICK HIS ASS!_

_Or something like that_, she sighed. _All it means is that I've got to hurry. I've got no time to lose..._

* * *

Time.

That funny thing. Immeasurable, really. And yet, harnassed by the clock's hands as it ticks along, run by uncaring cogs...

It only seemed yesterday that he'd watched his dad say goodbye for the day - and he'd been there, holding his mother's hand, waving goodbye and promising to be a good boy and help his mother.

It only seemed yesterday that Obito was dying - only yesterday, that the fox demon rampaged through the country -

_Where's time gone?_

_Time._

It was hard to grasp the concept.

_Damn hard to grasp any concept_, Kakashi thought fuzzily - before that thought slipped away from his fingers. He tried to hold it.

_Concept. No... Time... No..._

And when he fell on his face, falling down a small hill and under a rickety lookout post, Kakashi wondered.

_I need more time. I regret..._

_I wish could tell her - Sakura - tell her - _

The thought slipped away.

He closed his eyes.

* * *

Sakura burst out of the forest - and found herself on an open plateau - a lower edge of the mountains. There she should on the small hill, looking across - and below her feet, lay a small town, bustling - full of life. Beside her, on either side - rising behind her and below her, above the town, rice paddies lay. Long, silent, empty - it was dusk once again... And...

Set apart from the town, further up the mountain, isolated by the paddies - lay a large mansion with several out buildings. It was beautiful - made out of wood and stone, with neat tiles for the pointing roof and the sheds. The porch was wide and welcoming, the doors heavily ornate. With familiar symbols.

_Majestic looking... lions? _

_No... It's..._

It caught her breath.

_So this is... Kakashi's... Kakashi?_

Panicking, she noticed, that not only had the trail stopped - but that the sun was once again setting - and -

"KAKASHI!" She screamed. "KAKASHI! DAMN YOU! WHERE ARE YOU!"

Her senses picked up chickens, pigs, cows of some sort... other livestock... but...

Then something weak... somewhere near the house...

Sakura ran.

"KAKASHI!"

To the still, black and white clad figure laying inert on the mud and grass.

* * *

_Kakashi! _

It was that voice. Calling him again.

_Rin?_

_No._

His mouth curled up in a weak grin.

"Sakura..."

"You idiot..."

Sakura scooped him up in a big bear hug, ignoring the dampness, the chill and the boneyness of her sensei.

"You idiot..." She repeated, trying not to babble. "You frightened me."

"I'm fine," he said breathlessly, his weak breath stirring against her ear. "Just... need to sleep..."

Sakura didn't know what to do - either laugh, cry or go insane.

After a few moments, she drew back - and then, paused.

Kakashi sighed.

"I didn't -"

His soft voice clashed with her hurried, "Sorry!" as she turned her eyes away.

"I didn't notice," she said, after a long, awkward pause. She peeked again at her sensei's exposed face. "I was more worried -"

"It's okay," Kakashi said.

She knew it wasn't - but...

"It's because of your dad, isn't it?"

"Suddenly..." Kakashi laid back, turning away. "I'm not feeling so good."

Sakura sighed.

"I think you look..." She tried to think of something appropriate.

"You don't have to pretend," he said, bluntly.

A pink eyebrow rose.

"Well, no..." The medic smirked. "I was going to say, 'sexy'... but..."

Another worth-a-thousand-words silence.

Kakashi's ear and cheeks turned a slight pink.

"And you look cuter when you blush... No wonder you wear a mask..."

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Kakashi frowned. "Glad you approve..."

"Hmmm... I'm serious."

Kakashi froze.

"Naruto and Sasuke and I thought maybe you had fish lips... or buck teeth... or... something really... never mind... let's go."

* * *

Helping her sensei along, Sakura managed to reach the house before Kakashi passed out again. He collapsed onto the bed and blacked out almost immediately. She could only shake her head - but a part of her felt encouraged.

_He's relaxed enough around me to trust me. He trusts me. He even..._

_Well... it's not like he WANTED you to see his face. But..._

_He trusts me._

With those thoughts, she prepared her medical supplies, hot water and methodically stripped him down to his underwear, gave him a light sponge bath and bandaged him up. Once he was tucked in, she laid her hands on him, gently inserting her healing chakra into his tired body and the totally messed up chakra paths.

_There's an infection, but I think I can head it off... As long as there's no interruption or anything... But... worst case, this should hold him until we get to Konoha... but then... I could find somebody to send a message to Konoha. I'm sure that would work just as well..._

The pink haired medic withdrew her hands and sat back, cricking her neck, suddenly feeling very tired.

_It's crazy. How much can happen in so short of a time. Wasn't it two days ago we were fighting in Rock and then... here we are... in a house... in HIS house... Minoru-san - no - Kakashi-sensei's house! It's just... crazy... how big it is. And luxurious..._

The medic, eying the silk bedsheets and hangings - the tapestries and the rugs...

_Rich... wealthy... whatever you call it..._

She found a nice thick mattress and dragged it into the master bedroom to lie down beside Kakashi's bed.

_It's easier to keep an eye on him this way. Just in case. Nothing to do with the fact that -_

Her eyes once again traced over his familiar - not so familiar face. She bent over him, to examine him one last time and paused. Reaching down, she brushed back his grey hair.

"Sa...kkuuu..."

He mumbled, pressed into her hand unconsciously and then smiled.

The pink-haired medic froze - entranced.

_He smiled._

_He smiled at me._

_Well... he was sleeping but..._

_THIS IS LOVE!!!!! DAMN IT! HE'S MINE!!!! _Inner Sakura was yelling. _IT'S FATE!_

It only seemed natural then, to lean down.

_You're crazy_, _Sakura,_ the more sensible her pointed out.

It only seemed natural to lean down and find his lips with hers - there, in the dark. It was sweet. The kiss tasted of package udon which she had cooked up in the kitchen a couple of hours earlier. It was nice.

_It's real. This is real. And yet... so unreal... It's strange. Well... weird. That it seems so unfamiliar - but... I still know it so well..._

She wanted it to last forever. But she did have to breathe. And then there was him. He might wake up.

_You're a necrophiliac or something?_ Sensible Sakura asked.

_No. Just..._

Sakura didn't know what to think. Watching the shadows of the cherry trees in the garden move over the door, the girl sighed.

_Why was I so worried? I felt... I felt... I just couldn't lose him. I just couldn't let him go..._

With those (rather obsessive) thoughts, Sakura fell asleep, smiling as she dreamed about the well-chiseled nose, firm chin, high cheekbones and oh-so-kissable lips.

_Yes._

_Those lips._

_Those lips are mine._

_

* * *

_

_Next episode: _

_If only things could be simpler. But they can't. Because reality is... reality. And life goes on, inexorably. And there are lost people (Naruto and Co.) - and there are..._ Sakura edged away from Yukio_. And then, there are the just-crazy ones. _

_But nothing is going to stop me - I will protect him! More so, from himself!_


	31. Waking Sleep

_I don't own Naruto._

_THANKS TO ALL WHO READ THIS AND REVIEWED AND PUT IT ON ALERT AND JUST GENERALLY MADE ME FEEL HAPPY!_

_sorry for the wait: SCHOOL IS MURDER!_

_-----_

crette: oh my... i hope you aren't damaging too much of yourself over there! hope you enjoy this... soonish update!

BlondeKell: people have their ups and downs - is all I'm going to say... but soonish... soonish... the new arc for the story will begin... I think I've done enough explaining/describing Kakashi's poor mental condition - for me to finally start pulling him out of the hole he's dug himself into!

KakashiLuverIAm: here it be! glad you're enjoying it! hope you did well on your mid-terms!

sakura bell: hahaha! yes! Sakura is quite the girl... and I'm sure most people wouldn't be able to resist... but... her resisting... shows she cares, right? And as for Yukio-bashing... this chapter is for all anti-Yukio people... . sort of...

prescript13: thanks! i actually drew a small picture... which i might scan and post somewhere (when I find the time) but it's kinda crappy... still... medival literature CAN GET BORING! o... and I get busy scribbling crap! hahaha! enjoy! thanks for faithfully reviewing!

churroface: if you dislike yukio, this is the chapter for you... sort of... as I told Sakura Bell... but you know, Yukio like everything serves a higher purpose... sounds impossible, huh? yeah... .

sokerfreek922: already thinking ahead? good! that makes me very encouraged! and yes, there will be reunions and hugs and flowers and puppies dancing in the fields... eventually... XD I just gotta finish 5 essays and 2 group assignments... then we'll see... hahaha! but for now... blessed reunions!

rashaka: wow. thanks. 3 hours? hmmm... i'm glad you didn't feel like you wasted precious time! to be honest, i wrote this as an experiment. I know that fanfiction is serious - but I also see it was a way to play around and see what I can and cannot do with what skills of writing I've attained (or not attained as the case may be)... catastrofuck... good word to use. there's something I've decided this after a huge amount of deliberation... I love SEMEs being UKE-ified... if that makes sense... the whole tearing down to build up idea is my favorite... (sigh)... but yeah... obvious not possible in the Naruto world (b/c w/ Naruto around, things wouldn't get that bad...) hahaha...

sabireru: bringing on yukio... and hope you enjoy the end results! and thanks for the encouragement about the mansion and all... it was rather hard to picture it - so I had to do some... "reasearch" (read: drawing)... but yeah...

shadow dragon boss: alot of people seem to like the 'emo-boy' thing! hahaha! sai is the best, don't you agree? he's awesome! i just can't let him out! and did you see him in the beginning of episode 1 of the SHIPPUDEN? THEY KEPT THE GROIN LINE-AGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! But Tenzo's hair was brown... . ah well...

gooby: i bet he wished he was awake! hahaha! there'll lots of time spent on that... later... right now... issues arise...

moiya hatake: hmmm... if you hate yukio, that's what you could do... but if you know that everyone is a person then... in some ways... he's not so evil as... pathetic... hope this chapter brings that out for you! . good ol' yukio bashing! as promised!

subakun-sensei: togetherness! (line from How To Steal A Million) hahaha! yes. well... there are going to be mountains and valleys... i'd call this... a plateau chapter... .

SweetAssassin: gasp yes! and... yukio wins and carries Kakashi off to a very dark sunset... hahaha... not... hope you enjoy this installment written in the spirit of procrastination...

desert Anbu: hmmm... haven't seen you around before! welcome to my very upside down world! and hope you enjoy yourself here! i'm very open to chatting so chat away... especially when it's about bishies! and semes ukefied! hahaha! glad you enjoyed the installment - it's awesome that you survived until the end of this story! gives out medal ja!

----------------------------------------

_Warning: Violence, Yaoi (Yukio/Kaka), slight non-con... ANGST!!!!_

_AN: Kakashi wants his mother... how did this story become so Oedipal? I guess Freud is EVERYWHERE... curse him... Also... had a star wars moment... can ya find it? And btw, if you find this at all creepy/post-modern/weird... blame Kubrick... while reading this some guy was watching The Shining at a computer to the right in front of me - ergo: my line of view (I don't always look at the screen when I type... . ) At any rate... the Shining... SCARRED ME! (the bathtub-nude woman... you know what I mean... --) For LIFE! At any rate... alot of the (dirtier) part of this chappie is all due to it!_

**

* * *

**

Gentle Lesson

**Chapter 31**

**Waking Sleep**

He was unresponsive.

It was more than dissappointing for the medic. It was...

_

* * *

Disturbing._

* * *

To watch his teeth clench, his fists tighten - his eyes moving frantically under his eyelids. Somewhere faraway. Unreachable. Going where Sakura couldn't follow._

* * *

Not just disturbing..._

_Distressing._

* * *

Holding him close only seemed to calm him for a short while. It was almost as if...

It was almost like the time he had been put under the genjutsu. She had read the reports in that file - it seemed so long ago - when they were trying to figure out the man behind the mask.

But this time, Itachi was dead - and there was no one to blame for this mental distress. Nothing but the memories of the man. As inseparable as one's skin...

_

* * *

Dissappointing. Distrubing. Distressing..._

* * *

And made her curious._

* * *

What are you seeing, Kakashi?_

* * *

"Sakura..." he gasped out suddenly - his eyes opening in shock.

But he could not see her.

-----

It wasn't his mother this time. Or his father. It wasn't the crushed body of Obito, or the gasping asphyxiation of Rin. Nor was it the silent cold body of his sensei. No. It was a tiny child. She was lying on her small bed, curled up under thick pink and red quilts, clutching a teddy bear.

Her breath soft and light in the air. And he could feel her pulse beating.

_

* * *

Was it him - was it him who reached down to quickly and silently - competently -_

* * *

"Good work," the ANBU coordinator had said smoothly three days after.

Kakashi had turned away.

Feeling... extraordinarily empty. Dirty. Ugly. Monstrous.

_

* * *

Was it him who reached down so easily to extinguish that life?_

* * *

And it wasn't just her.

He was standing there, now - in that oh, so familiar clearing - and the body of his student lay in his arms. Falling forward, he clutched her body close, his nose and mouth against her bloodied hair, crying - not silently - more like howling in anguish. Because he had killed her.

As he always killed her in his dreams.

And he wondered.

_

* * *

Who am I?_

-----

"You are yourself, Kakashi-kun." A gruff voice interjected. "Nobody else."

"I'm -"

"You're not a monster either," Lightning's Howl snuffled somewhere in the back of his mind.

Perhaps it was the warmth spreading throughout his body -

_

* * *

How? Why?_

* * *

Perhaps it was the gruff voice...

But suddenly... he was relaxed.

"What about -"

"These dreams..." another sigh. "You have to let them go, young pup. Tell the medic girl. She would understand. She would listen."

"She can't! She can't! If she finds out - if they find out - if - if -"

"What?"

The gentle pressing made him curl up, hand covering his ears as he shook his head hysterically.

"I can't! If I do... they'll find out! For sure! That - that -"

"That what?"

"That I am not honorable."

Suddenly he was out on a smooth rock beneath the pale moon, around him, wind blew gently - at his feet, lay his largest summoning.

_

* * *

He was remembering the faces, and he just didn't care. Living a killer's life as an ANBU assassin had taught him the lesson of compartmentalization. It mostly worked._

_Kakashi had shoved every memory in his many drawers – every time he had stabbed through somebody's chest with the Raikiri, every time he had sliced somebody's throat open, every time he had found the beating center with his katana. The every time his hands had dripped with blood._

_As they still did._

_Normally, these drawers remained shut. But for some reason, the ghosts could not be held at bay._

_Perhaps this was because he remembered (all too clearly) his loving activities some nights before. _

_Megami. Lovemaking... is that what I can call it? Or was it simply a moment of need easily met?_

_He could still see the frozen shock of Megami's face – the last thing he saw before he had raised his mask. Perhaps it was because he realized how dangerous he was as a human compared to those silly civilized people who lived soft lives in tall buildings, cheek by jowl with urban criminals._

_It was a heady experience – for a young one. A disillusionment for an elder._

"_This seemingly easy mission upset you." It growled softly._

"_Yeah. There seemed to be a lot of senseless killing."_

"_Senseless?"_

"_A lot of civilians died between us – but I had no choice."_

"_That is bad, true, but, at the cost of sounding redundant, you really seemed to have NO choice."_

"_But I never knew why."_

"_That's a problem for you, huh?"_

"_They don't realize…" Kakashi paused. "I never talked to my team about it."_

"_About what?"_

"_About ANBU and all that."_

"_You probably thought (rightly, no doubt) that they were too young for it. Those kids were just young pups. ANBU life is, I hear, something not many can talk about. Killing at command – when you often don't know the reason."_

"_Aaaa…."_

"_This mission ended in such way – is that it?"_

"_Yeh. I just…. Felt so inhuman, you know?" Kakashi plucked at his stained flak vest. "I was – I am – that is to say –"_

"_You can tell me – I don't gossip with other people…."_

"_Megami – she saw me as a good guy – but she also saw that….. ANBU part of me – which I – "_

_Kakashi smiled softly._

"_It's so complicated isn't it? You know, Lightning, that my team always complained about me being close mouthed about myself – I guess it was just me trying to give myself a chance."_

"_A chance?"_

"_Yeah, to be seen as a nice guy – you know? Not a genius. Not a son of a coward. Not a killing machine. Just me."_

"_Did it work?"_

"_Yeah… I guess. But then, they feel like I'm holding back – and I guess I am since I haven't been totally honest with them about my character. But I just couldn't go through with it. Not only is most of my life classified, it's just too horrid to talk about. All my life I had asked new genins what their hobbies, dreams and preferences were – but until Team 7, that question had never been turned on me. I was – at a loss – sort of….."_

_Lightning's Howl nodded._

"_Perhaps, as time passes, and troubles come into their lives, this team of yours will benefit from your tales. Until then…. Perhaps you should stop hiding away by yourself and try to be more with your friends."_

_

* * *

How do you see me Sakura?_

* * *

It made him wonder... he turned and there she was, sitting on the Rock, but her face was expressionless with disbelief and he looked down - his uniform was no longer pristine - it was soaked black with blood.

"Who's is it?" she asked urgently.

"Not mine..." he whispered.

She turned - jumped away -

He called her name - ran after her - but he could never catch up - she would never come back -

"SAKURA!"

-----

He would be unresponsive.

Yukio knew that already. He'd been there all those years in ANBU during the War with Sound - at Kakashi's back, completing a whole, the perfect - the deadliest ANBU duo Konoha could boast. Between his Earth and Wind techniques, and Kakashi's Water, Fire, Earth and Lightning techniques, they were invincible.

It had felt great.

And when the missions were over, and the stress and realization came to a head, Yukio figured out where to find Kakashi.

Drunk at a darkened bar.

Drunk alone in his apartment...

Or sitting at the memorial.

And his eyes would be blank - as if he were seeing something - whatever it was, had to be a horrible memory. Because sometimes, in the stillness, Yukio could see the silver streaks of tears - and when he raised his hand to trace them down the lean cheeks, there was no habitual response of disgust.

Because Kakashi wasn't home.

He'd gone faraway - and Yukio couldn't follow.

-----

"I remember my first impression of you, Kakashi-kun," Yukio smiled rather sloppily at his companion, one evening.

Kakashi grunted, morose as usual.

"I thought... you were insane... but cool... and I watched you fight and... was... awed... cause... yer a hero, ri'?"

The sake was hitting his blood.

"But not jus' a hero... but... hmmm... somethin' of a wild thing too..."

Kakashi had slouched down further, swigged back another gulp of sake - his only response to his baiting partner.

He'd given up trying to get Yukio to leave, long ago.

And Yukio watched, his friend with concern, because he remembered that day for sure. So clearly. But Kakashi saw nothing but a blur of tragic events. He saw nothing but the darkness.

_

* * *

"This is going to be your partner - Hatake Kakashi. Codename: ANBU Wolfhound... or Raiden."_

_Kakashi had been flipping through a Icha Icha, looked upward nonchalantly, shrugged and gave a short, "Yo."_

_Yukio bowed slightly and smiled, awed by the fact he was partnered with the Jutsu Technician of Konoha. _

_For sure, I'll learn something new..._

_"Kurokami Yukio. Codename: ANBU Bear... also... Rikki. At your service!"_

_"Hmmm..." _

_Flip._

_Yukio's eyebrow twitched._

_So the great Hatake Kakashi was a pervert?_

_

* * *

A week later, an unranked mission showed up. Was a real dirty job - and difficult. After it was done, we just lay there, under the trees, against a rock, panting heavily - neither of us looking each other in the eye. And he was quiet, while I babbled on insanely, trying to find a way to vent..._

_And he was silent._

_He always fell silent._

_Well... in ANBU, everyone figures out a way to cope, sooner or later. Some become artists, some become loners, some talk to themselves, some go into homicidal rages - and some search for meaning in a meaningless fuck._

_It wasn't on that day - it was on another - when the silence just became too oppressive -_

_It wasn't on that day..._

That Yukio found out the weak spot, the splendid spot of Kakashi. The need.

_

* * *

"Kakashi -" He had said, turning to his monosyllabic partner, slouched on the sagging couch on his veranda. It smelled faintly of dog breath and some weird shampoo..._

_Kakashi smelled of sweat and sake._

_Yukio watching the throat - the lips, the tongue - down the last of his sake - couldn't ignore the tightness - not only in his gut, but his pants -_

_He felt kind of dizzy._

_And Kakashi didn't respond - just sat there, eyes glazed as Yukio's hand caressed his cheek lightly, turning his companion's frighteningly blank face to him - and finding his lips, shared the bittersweet taste of blood and wine. Even when his fingers slid up his shirt and then down to caress him intimately... there seemed to be no response._

_The next morning, he was nearly beaten half to death._

_And Yukio smiled._

_He had brought him back._

-----

_What can that medic do?_ Yukio snorted to himself as he darted quickly through the trees, noting the haphazard path of both Kakashi and the girl. _Hold his hand and say nice things? No one -_

_No one has been there like I have been._

-----

_Suddenly he was back in the school room - the walls were covered with blood and guts. Literally. Even he felt lightheaded at the sheer cold-bloodedness of the fact. It wasn't just one room - it was school room after school room - all eight of them. Carefully avoiding the body of a teacher and a student, still clutching each other with twin holes in their chest, Yukio felt his blood turn to ice._

_"Kakashi? Kakashi!!! KAKASHI!!!!!"_

_No answer._

_Don't tell me - _

_Don't tell me he's won this time -_

_"KAKASHI! WHERE ARE YOU! ANSWER ME DAMMIT!"_

_And he found Kakashi in the last room, sitting silently, unresponsively in one of the desks. Classic glassy stare. Yukio didn't know what to do. The mission was over - but Kakashi was in no condition to move. And if the ANBU coordinators found out about this episode... Kakashi would have a one way ticket back to the Jounin ranks. And Yukio had no place there waiting for him._

_No. Kakashi had to stay. Kakashi HAD to get his act together... but still... Yukio peeling the masks off, couldn't help but smile._

_He was beautiful._

_Dangerous and beautiful. Dangerously beautiful._

_His angel._

_His face alone._

_And when he threw Kakashi across the desk, bending over him - he was satisfied. This was his place. His little bit of heaven. And Kakashi, instinctively responding, needed him too. _

_He was sure of it._

-----

"If that Baka-sensei is doing something stupid... I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" Naruto shook his fist, his loud yells scaring a flock of birds out of the trees around the small group of Jounin.

_Great_, Tenzo sighed. _Now the rest of Fire Country knows we're here..._

"Keep your voice down -"  
"Perhaps your name should be 'Loud Mouth'?" Sai asked sweetly, interrupting Sasuke.

"Don't steal my lines," Sasuke glared.

"Ooooo..."

"Guys," Tenzo said, in that voice which promised 'scary eyes'. "We need to concentrate. Does any one here feel any chakra signatures?"

"I don't see how," Sai shrugged, pulling out the map. "We're in the middle of nowhere - literally. Aoi Ta-ishishi is the nearest thing... I hope... If we've been following this river right... it's from the mountains near there..."

"Hmmmm..." Naruto folded his arms, deep in thought.

"I never thought I'd see the day..." Sasuke mumbled to himself.

"Eh?" Naruto blinked. "I was just wondering if Aoi-whatever had pigeons. We might need backup..."

"Hmmm... good thinking, Naruto. We'll check that out in the town. Although... from the way Kakashi moved... he wasn't too injured... still..."

Tenzo fell silent at the idea of that other ANBU... _ANBU Bear, was it_... with Sakura.

_

* * *

Who knows what will happen then?_

* * *

As Yamato, Sai, Sasuke and Naruto ventured through the forest, trying to figure out the messed up tracks of Kakashi, Sakura and Yukio - Yukio himself was making his way closer to the village. He could already feel the faint tingling of the life force which filled the town.

_Why did he come here? _wondered Yukio, sniffing at the sight of the small town nestled against the tiered rice paddies set unevenly into the mountain. His eyes wandered across the now-empty fields, shivering at the cold of the dusk. _Where could he be? The tracks..._

He followed quickly, trying to follow in the dying light - stretching out for any sign of Kakashi chakra...

But nothing stood out.

Just the silence. The 'pok' of a bamboo falling and rising...

_

* * *

Above..._

* * *

He looked up - and saw nothing - then... a small flare. A small lamp or candle moving around what looked to be a large-ish building.

The small flare of a lamp - and the strong flare of the medic.

_

* * *

So she was here then. Possibly with Kakashi under sedatives?_

* * *

Yukio made his way over to the mansion, carefully and silently.

-----

Sakura felt his presence. Somewhere out there at the edge of the fields.

Strong and fierce. Despite the battle and ensuing chase through the countryside of Fire, the ANBU was still fresh...

_

* * *

Damn._

* * *

The pink-haired medic stared down at her comatose sensei._

* * *

Kakashi..._

_I won't let them take you away. That darkness will never claim you again..._

* * *

So she was ready at the door, when he finally knocked. And she wondered at his boldness._

* * *

Get a grip, Sakura! You're a Special Jounin! Your sensei was not only Iruka-sensei, Kaka-sensei - but also Tsunade-sensei! You can take on one measly ANBU is you have to!_

* * *

Sakura jerked the door open, her green eyes narrowing at the sight of the white Bear mask and the tense posture.

"What do you want?"

A silence.

The mask tilted, then the voice said, muffled: "To see him - that's all..."

"I see..."

She was unsure. She hesitated.

He waited... patiently.

Then, she nodded slowly.

"He's out. He's not responding to stimulae -"

"Hmph..."

The ANBU disappeared into the living room, looking over the stark room - rich furnishings, beautiful knick knacks, carefully placed potted plants and the high ceilings... all kept in good order as if awaiting the day for its master's return. It's master HAD returned. Kakashi was lying in the master bedroom, under a pile of blankets - breathing softly, no doubt already calm from the medic's attention. Beside the bed a matress had been laid out -

_

* * *

The girl's..._

_What's her name..._

* * *

Yukio's fist clenched._

* * *

Kakashi is mine to care for. What else am I here for?_

* * *

"I'll take him to Konoha," Yukio said, bending over the prone ninja.

"Impossible," the medic said firmly, her grip on Yukio's elbow was strong.

"Why?"  
"Because... he's obviously ill... a fever... struggling with nightmares - it's better I give him onsite care. Until he comes out of -"

"You don't even KNOW - can't even comprehend what it is!" Yukio seethed, losing control of his volatile temper by the minute.

"I think you have too high of an opinion of yourself..." Sakura counted irritably, while smoothing Kakashi's sheets.

**THE PIG DESERVES TO DIE, DAMMMMIITTTT!!!!** Screeched Inner Sakura. **GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF KAKASHI, DAMN YOU!**

-----

"It's getting dark..." Naruto sighed as they burst out of a clearing. "Are we any nearer?"

"We've made good speed today," Sasuke frowned. "We should be there..."

"Hmmmmm..." Tenzo sighed, wishing they could look at their map. "Just extend your senses as far as you can - see what you get. Think of it as an excercise!"

"YAAAYYY!!! An excercise! It's been awhile since I've been given one..."

"Hmph. That explains alot," Sai smirked. "I can already tell we are close."

"To Aoi-Tishishi?"

"Can't you feel the chakra flares, baka?" Sasuke shook his head.

"Stop calling me baka, you idiot! It's Naruto to you! And one day you're gonna have to pay respects -"

"To me because I'm gonna be Hokage and - blah blah blah blah..." Sasuke shrugged. "Somehow I know I've heard this before..."

"SASUKE-TEME!!!!"

Sai had to step out of this one.

"I think splitting them up is good," Tenzo smiled. "Sai, you take Sasuke, I'll take Naruto. I think I feel Sakura around here... We'll find her and back her up if necessary - while you two find a way to get a message out to Konoha..."

"Right," Sai and Sasuke nodded, dissappearing one way, while Naruto and Yamato turned in the opposite direction.

"You can feel her?" Naruto blinked.

"You try," Tenzo said shortly. "Try. Hard."

"Hmmmmm..." Naruto ran into a tree.

"With your eyes open, idiot," Tenzo laughed at his very blonde partner.

"I felt her alright... but... we're going up hill... AHHHH!!!!"

**SPLASH!**

Tenzo couldn't but help laugh as he saw that his feisty partner had slipped sideways out of the brush into a large paddy.

"Ah... shit... I'm wet!"

"Naruto... you're a Jounin, for Kami sakes!" Tenzo chuckled. "You should be more mindful of your surroundings! Just because we're going to pick up your sensei doesn't mean we shouldn't be on the alert..."

Naruto sighed.

"Sure..."

He was secretly glad that Sasuke and Sai weren't there...

He could already hear Sasuke in his head.

_"Well, dobe... you're just another living proof that man hasn't evolved yet..."_

And Sai...

_"Idiot just doesn't cover it... but neither does Clumsy... Clumsy Idiot?"_

_Still... _

Pulling himself out of the cold water, wringing his shirt and pants free of excess water, shaking droplets off his hair, Naruto couldn't help but sigh... Then froze. At the sound of a large CRACK!

It was the sound of a wall giving way.

"SAKURA!" Naruto's yell was drowned as the earth above them rumbled.

-----

"Something's happening up there," Sasuke frowned as he sorted out the different chakra flares on the mountain side. "It's not going to be good... We need to hurry..."

"The inn... let's try there..."

The two walked into the small inn.

It was full of terrified farmers, crowded around the bar, clutching their sake cups in frozen hands. The bartender looked stoic, then Sasuke readjusted his hitae ate - everyone relaxed at the familiar sight of the Leaf emblem. A couple of the older men nodded - then another boom sounded from above in the mountains. And everyone froze again.

Sai looked blank, then forced a smile.

"Sorry! We're just having difficulties with a ninja -"

Sasuke elbowed the clueless Jounin.

"How's that supposed to reassure them? Seriously, Sai!"

He turned the group of men.

"Sorry. My companion and I are in need of a messenger pigeons... are they around?"

Another boom.

Sasuke winced.

"Well..." The bartender sighed. "There's the pigeon house in the tower... in the market square. Those will get to Konoha by morning..."

"Thank you," Sasuke smiled.

"Will this... er... is this... ninja, strong?" piped up a young man, with wide eyes. "You guys are... um..."

Sai stared at him, then smiled.

"Well... he's strong... but hopefully we'll be able to stop him before the paddies -"

"Really, Sai... sorry," Sasuke bowed carefully. "We'll get it all taken care of before morning. We just need to send a quick message to the Hokage. I suggest keeping your children and family away from the mountain until one of us sends word..."

The farmers nodded.

"Is it... is there problems with... Hatake-sama?" asked another elderly gentleman.

"Hatake?" Sai asked.

"Minoru-sama," the bartender asked, eyes narrowing.

"He's dead," Sai said bluntly, forgetting to smile. "Ha-"

Sasuke clapped his hand over the insensitive Jounin's mouth.

"Things are going to be resolved soon... no fear. You'll get word from one of us... sooner or later..."

They left the room - filled with shocked whispers.

"Minoru-sama is dead! What are we to do?"

"The farm -"

"We will -"

"He doesn't have -"

"They don't seem to know about Hatake-senpai, do they?" mused Sai.

"Bizarre..."

-----

There was a gaping hole in the wall, and with each gust of wind, a cold breeze drifted over Kakashi's face.

_

* * *

He wasn't holding Sakura any more. Nor was he running after her. He was standing there, in front of his mother's grave, in the dead of winter, crying. It had been a quiet funeral. Papa. Uncle Minaru... a couple of other elderly relatives... and the servants._

_They were crying the loudest._

_But he didn't cry._

_Because his father wasn't crying._

_He was to be a proud Hatake. Like his father._

_If this was the only thing to make his father proud - to make him happy... he would do it._

_It felt cold though. He huddled in his black mourning robes, shivering as the harsh wind blew against his body. Bringing with it a cold stinging rain._

_It's so cold here..._

-----

He opened his eyes - and saw nothing but darkness... then... eyes adjusting, he could trace the outlines of the bed he lay on. There was a dim lamp burning somewhere. Somewhere... Where...

The thoughts slipped through his fingers unstoppable.

_

* * *

Slick as the rain falling off his nose as he stood watching the ceremonially cremated remains get tucked away in the stone._

* * *

But now... this was the bed... it seemed..._

* * *

He needed to visit the Shrine, he realized. He hadn't been able to visit the large family shrine._

_He should. He should pay his respects. After all, his father brought him here, didn't he? And Father always went alone... so... it was up to him..._

* * *

Kakashi rose out of bed stiffly and staggered outside, ignoring the cool wind -

------

Sakura had managed to land Yukio a punch before he could even sense her. She had left the ANBU in the bedroom - deciding it was as good a time as any to make a light supper and some tea. After all, her old sensei was in good hands now. With ANBU watching over him, Kakashi would be safe.

Yukio would stop him from doing anything stupid if he woke up.

_

* * *

I hope._

* * *

She wondered what kind of relationship this ANBU had with Kakashi. From the way they acted on and off the battlefield, it seemed as though they knew each other. Intimately.

**CREEEPPPYYY... **Inner Sakura intoned, shivering. **SOMETHING IS GOING ON THERE...**

Twenty minutes went by. Silence was everywhere - lying like a white shroud on the house. As if it were a tomb. A sepulchre. A relic from a long-forgotten era.

_

* * *

The era of the Hatake has long gone passed._

_Kakashi-sensei is all that is left now..._

* * *

All that sounded was the clink of the tea cups and the teapot. The soft bubble-bubble of water, a relaxing kind of sound. Looking around the spacious kitchen, she could swear she heard the creak-creak of wood as servants hurried around attending to the master and mistress of the house... Perhaps the chimes of small good fortune bells... hanging off the veranda. A cat? No. Most likely dogs. Dogs were important to the Hatake...

Now, it was quiet. Too quiet.

After taking her share of the food, she set the rest aside for her new comrade in arms. Without further ado, she walked into the master bedroom - to find the ANBU unmasked, pinning a squirming Kakashi down - the Copy Nin's eyelids fluttered as if stirring out of a deep sleep...

He was waking up - to the feel of hard lips on his mouth, a rough hand pinning his arms down - and a hand tweaking his nipples.

Sakura moved faster then she ever moved in her life - and made a new renovation to the house - a new window... or door - out onto the veranda - in the shape of ANBU Bear. He rose, attempting to swear, feeling his cracked jaw gingerly.

"Shit..."

"You - YOU - YOU -" huffed Sakura, her shoulders heaving in shock, anger and fear.

She turned to Kakashi, he still lay there... arms loosely pulled above his head - his thin, sensitive face - sharp ribs and taut belly exposed... the kimono gaping dangerously open, exposing the sharp lines of bone and muscle leading down to -

Sakura blushed... something hot and heavy squirming around in her belly.

Just watching his face - the slightly swollen lips...

**KISSED BY A MAN AND NOT BY ME, DAMMITTT!!! WHY ARE ALL THE CUTE GUYS GAY????!!!** wailed Inner Sakura.

Then she froze as realization hit her.

_

* * *

Kakashi-sensei isn't - he can't be -_

* * *

Inner Sakura vaporized in a bomb.

**KAKA-SENSEI IS GAAAYYY!!!!**

"What... you got a problem? Jealous?" Yukio sneered.

"Jealous?" Sakura smirked back, pulling Kakashi's kimono back together and the blankets carelessly back over him - pushing her shock into the deep recesses of her mind. "Of a one-sided relationship. I bet the only time he let you have him was when he was either comatose or drunk..."

Yukio flinched.

"So I was right..." Sakura walked through the hole in the wall, cricking her neck. "... how pathetic. You know what that is called?"

"He likes it that way - you don't understand -"

"No. I don't," Sakura clenched her fists. "And I don't want to. At any rate, he's mine now - to care for. Your version of "healing" isn't obviously helping him. After my report, Tsunade-sama will have all the required proof to pull him out of ANBU. Forever, if I have my way."

"You can't take him from me... he's -"

"He's not yours. He's himself..." Sakura's face grew grimmer. "It's time he think for himself - about himself..."

"You - you -"

Sakura took a punch to the jaw, then twisting around, slammed her fist into the ANBU's belly. Before his hand could reach the hilt of his katana, Sakura flew forward, hand filled with chakra along her fingers - to slice down his arm, invisibly severing the tendons. He fell forward, choking back a scream of agony, swearing - **you bitch **- over and over. There was no mercy in her gaze as she kicked him across the clearing - and then leapt back adeptly avoiding the bomb he triggered and threw haphazardly in her direction.

A sakura tree blew everywhere, shards of wood digging into her arms and his unprotected body. The boom, resounding around the valley, sounded worse than the actual damage. She was basically unhurt - as for the ANBU - the severed tendon in his arm was still giving him trouble.

No sealing meant no jutsus.

Before she could slam him the appropriate six feet into the ground, Yamato stopped her. Beyond her, Naruto burst into the master bedroom.

"SAKURA! WHERE'S KAKA-SENSEI?"

"He's in bed!" She yelled, jerking away from Yamato, who was bending over the snarling ANBU.

"He's not THERE!"

Sakura and Yukio froze.

-----

_Kakashi..._

-----

His feet remembered small winding path easily. It was further up the mountainside - just a little ways away.

_

* * *

It was okay. Nobody really cared if he left the house anymore. Soon he'd be back home in town..._

_Papa had said that there was a couple things for him to do... _

_Kakashi wasn't to worry his head about it. _

_"You're only three... but... when we go back, I will start teaching you how to throw kunai, okay?"_

_Kakashi's smile had flickered to life - then died as he watched his father leave to visit the Shrine, yet again._

_Now it was his turn._

_This would be the last time he'd be able to visit._

* * *

It was so cold - under his feet._

* * *

I should have worn shoes..._

_Wasn't I wearing shoes..._

* * *

He found the shrine easily enough - it looked -

The image jumped - no longer clean, trim and crisp -

The image jumped - it was run-down, the paint peeling, door sagging - and inside -

Flash -

_

* * *

The heavy scents made him lightheaded -_

* * *

Flash -

It smelled so stale...

Flash -

_

* * *

The candles were lit -_

_His father had just left then..._

* * *

Flash -

It was dark - fumbling around with the ease of forgotten familiarity, Kakashi found some stumps of old candles and a box of very old matches kept in the small drawer underneath. He lit the match - and there they were -

The forgotten faces...

Behind cracked glass. Reaching up, he traced the black and white photograph of his mother gently.

_

* * *

Her face - it wasn't -_

* * *

Taking off the fragile photograph, he scrubbed at stained glass frantically -

He HAD to see her. He missed her. Not just that... missed her face.

_

* * *

It was a nightmare._

_This had to be..._

* * *

"Mother..."

He was crying freely now. The grass... cracking upward in his hands. It was horrifying to see the blood smearing across the glass - the wood frame - the precious, precious face underneath...

It was so young. So happy.

_

* * *

Why did you have leave us - Father and I needed you so much..._

* * *

Passion curling his fists tighter, the glass buried deeper into his hands and wrists -

"KAKASHI!"

"KAKASHI!"

His eyes opened dizzily -

_

* * *

That voice..._

_Those voices..._

_Yuk-_

_Sakura..._

_Sakura..._

* * *

"I found you, Sensei!"

"He's bleeding! Naruto! Get back to the house - get towels, bandages and hot water! Yamato -"

"Got it..."

"Kakashi! Kakashi!" Yukio was prying the man's hands off the photograph, awkwardly with his one hand - desperation and anguish matching his ANBU partner. "Come on... It's okay..."

Sakura's eyebrow twitched, her Inner Sakura flaring in anger.

**WHAT THE HELL... DOES. HE. THINK. HE'S. DOING...**

"It's okay... it's okay..."

Sakura's eyes widened as Kakashi shoulders released slowly, Yamato eased the photograph away.

"I'll take him," Yamato said severely, his voice brooking no argument.

Sakura followed the Jounin out and then paused - Yukio hadn't budged.

Then he scooted forward and awkwardly picked up the photograph - shaking out the glass, setting the laughing picture of Hatake Hanako back onto the ledge. Two white half melted candles found their spots on either side - then slowly, the matches were struck, lit - and Sakura wondered -

What prayer had been offered.

-----

Kakashi woke up half way through the night and Sakura, jumped to attention when noticing the faint stirring under the sheets. He said nothing - and she sat there watching him - unnoticed - watching the deep pools of shadows which were his eyes...

Then he turned to the light of the moon filtering through window, where the curtains had fallen open. The moon looked so serene - floating over the gentle petals of the sakura trees which stood at the front of the house. Their fragrance drifting in on the now gentle breeze smelled of sorrow and... hope...

Hope, because as he watched the pink blend with the night, he knew that another Sakura was there.

_

* * *

Hanako..._

_Flower child..._

* * *

The moon blurred -

Two arms wrapped around his shoulders - the warmth of her breath brushing across his neck. Her face snuggling into the crook of his neck, nestling there with his bushy hair... He could feel her breasts through the thin layers of clothes between them - pressing close - against his shoulder blades...

"You can cry..."

He turned then -

And in the dark, the moonlight made her green eyes like a shimmering pond - and her hair - as pink as the trees outside...

_

* * *

Hanako, truly -_

* * *

"You can cry," she repeated softly - sincerely. "You don't have to pretend. I understand..."

So he did.

* * *

**For those who might wonder about Sasuke and Sai...**

Entering the mansion...

Naruto: WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU GUYS?

Sasuke:Where do you THINK, Pigeon Brain?

Naruto: SASSSSUUKKKEEE-TTTTEEEEEEEEMMMMMEEEE!!!

Sai: Hey, Scary-eyes!

Tenzo: WHAT?

Sakura stomps in and beats the four Jounin up.

Sakura: SHUT THE HELL UP, IDIOTS! YOU'RE GOING TO WAKE KAKASHI UP!!!!

Yukio: (sulking in the corner) Idiots...

Sakura beats on Yukio again... stomps out.

Sasuke: Scarrryyy...

Naruto: (crying) She's calling Kakashi-sensei in a familiar way...

Sai and Tenzo: ... (thinking) He finally realizes? Maybe?

Yukio: Is she even a woman?

Sakura: (yelling from next room) I HEARD THAT, BASTARD!

Silence...

----------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 32**

**Home**

_**I'd like to say that the sun was shining, the birds were chirping and the clouds white and puffy when we got home... but... it was raining, and we were wet and damp and tired... and Kakashi looked like he was going to be blown away by the next gale of wind... All of us... miserable... And Yukio, glaring daggers at my back the whole way...**_

_**Reality sucks.**_

-----------------------------------

**Anime I'm Watching/Obsessing Over**: Naruto, Bleach, Saiunkoku Monogatari, Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto, Nodame Cantabile, Peacemaker Kurogane, D. Grayman, Death Note, Tokyo Majin Gakuen Kenpucho, Yamato Nadeshiko Kichi Henge (Wallflower), Princess Princess

**Movies**: Harry Potter...

**Mood**: .

**Soundtracks**: Blood+, Saiunkoku Monogatari, Bakumatsu Kikansetsu, Ouran High School Host Club, Death Note, Bleach


	32. Return to the Heart

**First of all I want to say I'm sorry for the super long wait. I apologize profusely. Right now, I'm trying to pull myself out of a Naruto writer's block. (Is this coincidental with the Shippuuden? I don't know...) But at any rate, hopefully this chapter signals a new lease on life re GL.**

**This chapter took me a month to write. How pathetic. You'll all realize how pathetic that is when you read it. (sigh)**

**I'll try harder next time! I promise!**

**As for all those who reviewed, who wrote me, who prodded me with emails, who guilt-tripped me into finishing this chapter: THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!**

-

moiya hatake: feel free to hit Yukio anytime you like. for now... he's gonna be useful so alive he must stay. (sigh) on the other hand... this chapter just might have you reaching for your weapon of choice. lol.

kakashiluveriam: thanks for YOUR support - this fic has put me through the wringer. quite a few times. lol. This chapter is a case in point.

l.g.lena: Thanks! I believe you're a new reviewer? I appreciate you taking the time to encourage me. I'm glad you like the tension. The eternal tension of what we want and what will actually happen...

sweetassassin: hallo! sorry for the huge wait. And I dunno if it's even worth it. (sigh) I hate writer's block... don't you? I'm trying to climb out of it. but.. alas... we'll see...

kokis-chan: here it is! the update! finally! crazy huh? I hope it's enjoyable. To be honest, I find it a pathetic chapter this time around. I definitely need to get back into the swing of things. Writing for Naruto (and GL especially) requires a special touch. I think my writing has changed again - thanks to writing for other anime... grrr... at any rate, hope you enjoy! ja!

sokerfreek: GOMEN NASAIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so so so so sorry for taking so long... (weeps) I just... got a VERY BAD CASE OF GL-WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!!! Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of things quicker next time around.

someonewithnothingbettertodo: No. Don't feel apologetic about hating Yukio. Lots of people hate him. I'm sure somewhere out there, there is an unofficial 'Hate Yukio' club. But he's really quite tragic, you know. His love is dangerous. (Think Sakujun from Saiunkoku Monogatari but X-RATED). Lol. I'm glad that you are enjoying it despite the rather effed up writing style I adopted for this epic...

blondekell: Kakashi is on a rollercoaster... so... worship the mental imbalance. Hahahahaha!!!! Read on!

subakun-sensei: Hurt!Kakashi is... sooo... ummm... hot. Which is why I hurt him so much. Lol. But Sakura is gonna be there for him. No matter what.

desert anbu: Sakura is tough - and she's gonna pull Kakashi through if it kills her. Hahahahahaha. As for Yukio... yeah... he deserves a beating, but as Rawlings pointed out, some characters get reprieves... And as for Sasuke... I find him the hardest to write - because I'm with you on the hate-Sasuke thing. I just hate that jerk off. But in my fic, he's 'redeemed' so... I guess we're at a whole different place now...

emerald lady: i'm glad you think it's sad/cute. that was kind of what I was aiming for. something realistic and hard edged. make sure you don't cut yourself! lol.

sakura-bell: Hahahaha... Kakashi is going to have redecorate after Sakura... lol. But Yukio deserved it, right? I feel SO bad for making you wait. (sigh) I promise this kind of a wait won't happen again!

H. Cow: I'm glad you're loving the plot and the angst and all. Sorry about the typos... It's Wordpad... Having no good software that I'm comfortable with... my typos abound...

prescripto13: I've never heard of the book. But you know... people who are imbalanced, I believe, tend to focus TOO MUCH on the past. I mean... emo is healthy only for a short period. Too much emo is... well... gay... to put it mildly. Kakashi needs to let go - and be able to say 'no' to other things. Like Yukio. But people who are damaged always make bad choices. It's a slippery slope effect, I think. Or a snowball that just gets bigger...

Witcher Co: Ah! A reader who's not into the yaoi. Well... that's okay. At one point of time, I had to decide whether it would be KakaIru or KakaSaku for my Hatake cycle. (That's right, this is merely the 3rd book in a trilogy set.) In "Revelation of the Wolf", I decided (you can actually see the ambiguity of his behavior in the first couple of chapters...) on KakaSaku... and then... Yukio was born as the dark side of Kakashi. A dark side he's going to have to vanquish (with Sakura's help, of course!). I hope you enjoy his journey to the love he needs! Thanks for the review! You don't know how much I appreciate hearing from new people as well!

Iisdarikki: Thanks for the review! I appreciate it! As for Yukio's name, I put an interesting addendum at the end of this chapter on Yukio. Hope this helps! Ja!

taishorin: You bring up some good points. I really wanted in my stories to explore the mundane aspects of Konoha life - how do people relate... what about social class, what era they are living in (modern day? or alternate universe?)... And then, there's the whole questions of powers and clans and secret jutsus... At any rate, I think that's why people are so traumatized in Konoha at the moment. Every one is feeling bad because they DID let someone slip through the cracks. Now. To be honest, as I reread my plot outlines, the fangurl in me points out that NOBODY could forget Kakashi at all. He's just too cool. But... if he's really just another ninja... then... could he be forgotten? Could he be crippled emotionally and socially? And then... this colossal project was formed.

Yourangelstandingby: Yep. God's busy with his homicidal killing-kittens rampage. Just joking. No. I've just been struggling with the dreaded WB illness. Hope this saves a kitten.

-

**WARNINGS: Yukio is in this chapter. 'Nuff said. N/C, H/C, Psycho-ness abounds... and some loving too.**

**Read and Review!**

I do not own Naruto. The story and its characters originally belong to Kishimoto-sama.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 32**

**Return To The Heart**

**Dedicated to the disconsolate Kokis-chan, ****who drove me onward**

**through the stubbly field of writer's block, which pierced my feet. **

* * *

She opened her eyes. Slowly. Sleepily. Focussing in, then out - 

She felt warm. So warm - and her nose tickled. The pink-haired medic sniffled, wrinkled her nose - then shakily brushed at it.

_Hair._

Hers? No. It was big hair. Grey.

_The kind of hair that defied gravity -_

Her eyes flew open.

Before her, her hand lay entangled in her sensei's tangled hair. Dangerously close to his neck.

And there was... warmth...

Closing her eyes, she sighed in contentment.

_If only... we could lay here - just the two of us. Together._

_Forever._

-

"Wake up, 'tard."

A pause.

"Loser."

A pause.

"Total idiot."

A pause.

"Midget di-"

"SAI! SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU FAT MOUTH OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" The force of Naruto's outburst ruffled Sai's hair and little else. The dark-haired "social dumbass" (as Sai was often referred to) blinked, calmly watching the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki fall back, roll over and bury his head once again under a layer of sheets and pillows.

He stood there, armed with his gear: a short sword strapped to his back, hitae ate on his forehead, kunai holster clipped on and his perpetual short black shirt on. Beside him, stood Sasuke, also similarly prepared. Naruto's foggy eyes thought they looked ridiculous. As if from far away, Naruto could hear them conversing at the foot of his borrowed bed.

_Like annoying flies._

"So we leave him then?"

"Sure. Why not? The trip will be that much quieter."

"It's okay to leave our nakama behind?"

"Who's calling him 'friend'?"

"Good point."

A silence.

"Let 'im walk home."

"Sasuke... perhaps you should stay."

_Sakura-chan?_

"He doesn't need me to hold his hand! He's Jounin -"

"But an idiot."

"Another good point," Sasuke conceded Sakura and Sai's remarks.

"A Jounin -"

"Still..."

"Whatever - let's go. I've sedated Kakashi enough for a quick trip to Konoha. Let's not waste time here."

_Sakura. In charge, at large. Worried..._

_Worried about -_

_Kakashi -_

Naruto's eyes flew open as he bounded from his bed.

_We've got things to do!_

-

Halfway to Konoha what had been planned as a parade of victory disintegrated into a continuous, all-out snarling match. It didn't help that it started raining either. It was hard to keep a positive outlook on life when you were forced to sit under wet trees, on wet grass with wet running down your neck and a perpetual dampness soaking your bum - and with someone like Naruto on one side of you - and Sai on the other.

Contemplating his (many) sins, Sasuke wondered what the hell he had done to deserve this.

"You smell..."

"What?"

"I said -"

"Eh?"

"You HEARD ME!"

"Mumbler."

"I AM. NOT. MUMBLING! And. STOP - You're touching me..."

"You got something to hide - Yamato, he's hiding something..."

"Sai," Yamato interjected. "Can you not..."

"Yeah, asshole. Get your own chick."

"Ahhh... to it's porn."

Sasuke got jostled more as Sai managed to snatch the photo from Naruto.

"Porn? No... something much better... Hinata-chan? The shy mayflower? And she poses so well... I should get her into my studio..."

Naruto froze, speechless and then started to pound on Sai in earnest.

Under the tree opposite, Sakura was busily checking out her ex-sensei's vital signs, while ANBU Bear watched her like a hawk, absently picking at his nails with his kunai.

"I guess even queer ANBU have a thing about fashion..." muttered Sakura to herself.

"It's HYGIENE, not fashion," the ANBU snarked, shoving his kunai viciously in his black holster. "... And I'm not queer."

Sakura gave him a pointed look.

"It's - I don't know why peope always have to label these things," the ANBU sighed. "Can't we leave it at love?"

"Love?" snorted Sakura disbelievingly. "Yeah, right. More like good sex with a pretty face."

"There was that too -"

"There was ONLY that."

"Like you'd know, stalker girl."

"St-stalker girl?' You ahve the nerve to call me 'stalker'?" Sakura's eyes became very scary. "Mr. I-abandoned-my-post-to-chase-after-my-fuck-buddy!"

The forest fell silent. Naruto and Sai froze mid-wrestle over Sasuke's lap, Yamato put away his kunai with a click.

"Ewwww - Sakura! We SO did not want to hear that!" complained Naruto.

"Agreed," Sasuke sighed.

Sai looked curious.

"Hatake-sama is a queer, hm."

"Not if I have anything to do about it..." growled Sakura to herself.

ANBU Bear laughed.

"Sakura," Naruto's arm snaked around the medic's shoulder. "I know - I haven't forgotten that thing all those years ago..."

Sakura, Sasuke, Sai and Yamato blinked.

"Thing?" ANBU Bear asked suspiciously.

"That thing?" echoed Sakura.

"The way you reacted to Sai and Sasuke together - who'd have thought such a nice girl had a such a bizarre fetish?"

"Sai and I?" Sasuke's jaw suddenly dropped. "Since when?"

"Oh... that..." Sai nodded. "That really taught me something -"

"Sai and I?" Sasuke growled. "Who's been spreading rumors -"

"Not rumors," Yamato sighed. "Jutsu."

"Jutsu?" asked the Uchiha. "Do I wanna know?"

"You know the Sexy no Jutsu?" Sakura asked, sweetly and wickedly.

_Payback time, Naruto..._

"Errr..." Sasuke sweatdropped at the reminder of Naruto's hentai jutsu.

"Has he shown you his 'new and improved' version? Girl on girl style?"

Sasuke blushed.

"Once... or twice..."

Yamato snorted into his tea canteen.

"Has he ever shown you the Boy-on-boy version?"

ANBU Bear leaned in, suddenly interested.

"A WHAT?" Sasuke yelped.

"It was certainly interesting..." Sai said thoughtfully.

"Her reaction was so gross!" Naruto shook his head sadly. "Who'd have thought a nice, straight girl like Sakura would fall for such perversion..." He shrgged foolishly not noticing Sasuke's quavering first. "But then, she was still in love with the Sasuke-bastard... so... it's no wonder... and I guess, Sai is attractive to any female. I had issues trying to figure out who would top... but... two for one combos are always attractive no matter what pairing -"

**BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Sasuke's fist flew in a blur, sending the loud mouthed blondie through a thicket of brambles and three trees.

"About time," Sakura relaxed.

"Is he alright, Sakura?" asked Yamato.

"I'm sure. He's the kind of boy to peel himself off the wall quickly. Got alot of experience that way..."

"No. I meant Kakashi."

"Oh. He's doing better then I thought," the pink-haired medic nodded. "If we keep on the low down, it'll be fine..." Here, she glared at the other ANBU. "Rest and relxation is what Kaka-senpai needs - not maniaces like him around."

"Look who's talking..." mumbled the ANBU.

-

They moved out in a comparative silence - Yamato wisely splitting the Jinchuuriki and the artist, putting Sai was rear guard and Naruto as forward scout. Between him and Sasuke, Kakashi would be safe. Sleeping peacefully as he lay there under the stretcher's blanket.

_Have a sweet dream, Kakashi-senpai. You are coming home. Finally._

* * *

"Wake up, Kakashi," a warm hand tousled the little boy's hair. 

"Noooo..." groaned the young child, burying himself deeper into the warm blankets swaddling him.

A light giggle.

"Okay, then, little man - prepare yourself!"

"G'waaayyyy..."

Kakashi's plea went unnoticed as the warm, familiar presence withdrew, lightly flipped the blankets off his feet and then began to tickle his toes.

Under the blankets, his eyes widened - now fully awake.

"Mo-thheerrr.." he groaned, his voice still rough with sleep. "St-stop! I'm not a baby anymore."

"A mother's gotta do what a mother's gotta do. Especially when her little man is going to be late for school."

"Whatever," he yawned sleepily, rolling around to find a more comfortable spot. "And I'm NOT little."

But under the blankets, he was smiling.

* * *

_Waking up is always hard_, Kakashi thought blearily, especially when you know that hard reality is waiting to meet your eyes. 

He chuckled dryly at himself.

_Now you sound like an old man, Kakashi._

_And you just turned thirteen..._

His alarm clock rang. He ignored it. He just lay there and felt.

He lay there for two hours. Lay there until Rin and Sensei began to pound impatiently on the already battered brown door of his apartment. The young Jounin turned over and grumbled to himself - then, as his hyperactive Sensei's face popped through his (suddenly open) window, Kakashi flopped back with a sigh.

"Yo - Kakashi-kun!" The famous nin known as Yellow Flash waved cheerily at his now thoroughly disgruntled student.

_So it wasn't a bad dream..._

"You said there was no mission today!" the young Jounin sighed. "Is there an emergency?"

"No -" Rin conceded, with a weak smile. She tossed her brown hair back absently and frowned at the slack, depressed face of her teammate. "But -"

"But it's too good of a day to waste," interrupted Yellow Flash, his bright smile blinding even Rin. "Rin and I made a picnic basket -"

"Have fun - good night!" Kakashi emphasized "night" in vain hope his Sensei would get a clue.

No such luck.

"Now, now, Kakashi," Rin smiled down at the young boy. "We aren't eating ramen. I made sure. It's miso soup today - just as you like it. Mom's specialty."

Kakashi's eyes flew open - and his stomach rumbled in accompaniement of the vision of miso soup.

"..."

Rin waited.

"..."

Sensei tousled the boy's hair.

"..."

"I'll tickle your toes," warned the future Yondaime.

"... Fine..."

But underneath the blankets, Kakashi was smiling.

* * *

He opened his eyes slowly - and when his nose failed to pick up that dank smell the airless rooms for ANBU rehab always had - his eyes flew open. The lights were dim - but still the room seemed to softly glow a deep orange. Then he realized. It was the setting sun, reaching warm fingers through the open window - and the wind which ruffled his hair brought the fagile scent of daffodils. 

Suddenly he knew SHE had been there. And the lonely ANBU smiled.

He closed his syes and drifted off.

But the darkness was warm.

_Perhaps... this time I will wake to a better world... or is this all a dream?_

-

"I heard that Kakashi is back," Genma murmured, dealing out a hand to his card-playing partners: Raido, Asuma, Iruka and Shikamaru. "Yeah - came in the other day with Team 7 and an ANBU escort - flat on his back or so I heard..."

"I heard he had to fight some really powerful ninja in the forest - it was his own grandfather!"Iruka shook his head disbelievingly.

"Uh... I thought it was his uncle. Or cousin..." Raido blinked. "And I heard Sakura caught him and - you know - did a little of this and THAT..." He waggled his pinky meaningfully.

Iruka's horrified look lasted only a moment, before his companions broked down in laughter.

"That's not even funny," Iruka grunted.

There was a comfortable silence, however, as the men contemplated the relatively easy take over of Rock - and yet - the complicated facts of the Coy Nin's life rising to the surface...

"Who'd have thought..." Shikamaru mumbled slowly, scratching at his attempt of a goatee. He finally decided to discard a card and picked up another.

"I heard he's as rich as a daimyo," Iruka said thoughtfully.

"He was always rich," Genma countered, laying down his hand.

"No kidding," Raido nodded, eyeing his partner carefully, trying to analyse the glimmer in Genma's eyes.

Sake? alcohol? Lust? Or... a full house?

It was always hard tot ell witht he special Jounin.

"So... why didn't he ever take his team out?" shikamaru wondered - then paused.

"He bought Naruto vegetables all the time..." Iruka blinked. "But I bet he's just a skinflint by nature."

"Maybe he had a charity he donated to," Asuma laughed heartily at that impossible image.

"Unlikely,' Iruka snorted. "Unless..."

"There was a 'Save the Icha Icha' cause..." Shikamaru finished the ex-Academy teacher's sentence.

Another bout of laughter and then, another long pause.

Some folded, Raido upped the ante with a wink.

-

Kakashi opened hsi eyes. He didn't know what to expect really.

He just lay there, immobile, feeling like a butterfly slowly hatching, struggling free from the cocoon.

New - and full of potential.

Ready...

_For what?_

_For the ANBU coordinator's cold reproof? For a flying chair followed by a scolding from Tsunade?_

_Or maybe..._

_Sakura..._

He missed her warm hands and honey voice...

_Well... not honeyed. That is pure fantasy. More like a miniature Tsunade - a lot of yelling._

But... alot of love.

A blur appeared above him.

He focussed hazily on long, black hair, shadowed blue eyes - and the thin, worried, hawk-like profile of his ANBU partner. A large hand landed by Kakashi's head, bouncing the pillow a little bit. Yukio's fingers tangled in the long grey hair.

"You're back, idiot," the man smiled with affection. "I was worried."

But his eyes were flat.

-

"You've had any luck, yet?" Genma nudged Iruka in the ribs, chuckling at Iruka's long, rattled sigh.

"I never do well at cards," Iruka moaned miserably.

"No, idiot. I'm talking about you and Shizune..."

"Eh?" Iruka stared at his partner suspiciously. "What about Shizune?"

"Genma is asking if you've asked for her hand in marriage, yet," Shikamaru clarified for the frazzled teacher (who was trying to decide whether to discard the ten of spades or not).

Iruka pulled back roughly, the deck of cards shifted precarious to the left.

"Wh-wh-what do you mean? I just have to find the right time and place..."

"Genma can give you tips," Raido suggested kindly, then chuckled evilly. "He gave Asuma tips and look where HE'S at!"

"Hmmm..." Asuma nodded contentedly. "I was so glad to get back. I get really nervous being away too long - Kurenai isn't close to her due date... but she keeps insisting on going on short missions... it's really stressing for me."

-

"What are you doing?" hissed Yukio. "The more you spend time here... the more your cover is blown... and you'll never go back. Ever."

Kakashi turned away to stare at the daffodils and the pale curtains blowing in the wind. If he shut his eyes, maybe this would go away. Maybe it would just resolve itself...

_Go back to the way it was before..._

_Go back -_

"LOOK at me -" Yukio growled, his hard fingers taking Kakashi's chin and jerking him around. "Don't you care?"

"What if I said 'no'?" Kakashi said softly, shrinking back from the force of Yukio.

"'No'? You'd say 'no'? Just like that? Is that how little I mean to you?"

"I don't -"

"Don't say it."

"I never -" Kakashi sighed, his hand gripped Yukio's hand lightly in resistance.

But there was no force in his grip.

_This is just too much_, he thought.

_I'm so tired._

_When is this farce going to end?_

-

"Having a kid... must be stressing... for sure," Genma said thoughtfully. "I mean... once upon a time, that kind of thing mattered to me... but now... Raido's so much more important."

"Thanks," Raido blushed at Genma's second prolonged wink.

"Love is important - and it is the most wonderful thing on earth," Asuma agreed in a dreamy voice, ignoring Genma's snort of laughter. "But... there's something about a child... when you hold it in your arms... you feel like you are holding the world."

Genma sobered up at the thought, Raido looked thoughtful.

"It's carrying on your legacy, after all," Iruka continued. "A piece of you for all time..."

"Well, that's obvious," Shikamaru's mumble burst the flowery bubble of the men's ruminations. "It's got your... DNA."

Asuma and Iruka sighed.

"He just doesn't get it yet," Asuma shook his head. "Well... he's still young..."

"And he's still here," muttered Shikamaru. "Listening to you talk about him as if he's not there..."

A round of laughter ensued, and when the chuckles subsided, there was a thoughtful silence.

Iruka was thinking of his parents dying for the safety of Konoha and their son.

_I want to be like them_, he told himself. _For Shizune and whatever comes in the future - for that piece of us..._

Asuma was thinking about how much Kurenai seemed to glow - it was exciting.

_If it's a girl... we'll call her Aiko._

Raido thought of his dad, yelling at him, calling him trash.

_Fatherhood... would I be any different... or would I leave behind a different memory..._

Genma thought of his dead parents who never had a grave.

_If I had a child, I'd want to be there for them always. I'd never want to miss out on a single moment of their lives. I never really knew my parents, y'know. Just enough to know what I missed... and I'd never want to do that to my children, if I could help it._

Shikamaru was wondering what the heck made men so weird about progeny.

_It's like Dad and Mom, he thought. Getting so excited about Temari... suddenly it's all about the babies... Geez... it's sure troublesome to have all these expectations, legacies... memories... all hinged on you and your future kid... That's it... no pressure for me._

-

Kakashi flinched as Yukio's burning warmth drew closer. Once again, it reminded him of searing fire - burning his hands which now gripped the man's shoulders in weak resistance. Burning his lips as Yukio's mouth and tongue met his.

Kakashi whimpered.

_Let me go -_

-

"If I had a child, I'd want to be there for them always. I'd never want to miss out on a single moment of their lives. I never really knew my parents, y'know. Just enough to know what I missed... and I'd never want to do that to my children, if I could help it."

When Genma's voice faded away, there was an awkward silence. Raido fiddled with his card, remembering two children laughing...

_

* * *

_

_"So how old are you then?" Genma had asked._

_"Eight!" laughed the boys. "We're all grow'd up now!"_

_"Oho! You're twins then?"_

_"Well," said Hiroshi. "I'M older by FIVE minutes!"_

_

* * *

_Raido thought sadly with a sigh as he eyed his hand once again. _How can I let you go on then without knowing... If our love is as strong as you boast... it can weather even this storm... right?_

-

Kakashi couldn't breathe now. His vision blurring with black spots - darkened... With shock, he realized he was crying -

When Yukio drew back, Kakashi opened his mouth - he wanted to say it.

_Go -_

_Let me go..._

Somewhere somebody shut a door. Footsteps approached down the empty hallway outside the hospital room's door. Yukio backed away soundlessly, his piercing eyes silencing Kakashi's lips...

_Why do you have this power? _

The Copy Nin wanted to ask.

"I love you," Yukio hissed furiously. "I won't let you go."

The black spots grew bigger - Kakashi's chest tightened. He couldn't breathe.

_No._

_I never wanted this..._

The footsteps grew louder. Yukio's eyes wandered around the room nervously - ensuring there was no sign of his entrance. Before he slipped out, he smiled. His dark eyes were indecipherable.

Kakashi fell backwards into the darkness followed only by the eyes and a furious whisper.

"I won't let you go."

_Sakura..._

-

Raido laid down his cards with finality.

"Call," he said, avoiding Genma's eye.

He had decided.

_-_

Darkness and then a voice. Small and faraway.

"Hey -"

A muffled hush.

"I'm just -"

"When's he gonna wake up?"

_Who -_

"Is he even alive?"

A gentle voice answered, "Of course he is - idiot!"

_Idiot._

_Idiot-sensei?_

Kakashi's eyes fluttered open again - he looked to his right - his bleary eyes widened.

It was her.

He had wanted to see her so much.

To say sorry...

"Rin."

-

_Chapter 33: Even if Sakura manages to bring back Kakashi to the present - will he be able to say no to his past, his inner demons and... to Yukio?_

-

**READ AND REVIEW!!!**

-

**YUKIO**

His name is interesting - I really really thought hard before I gave him the names that I did. I decided "Bear" because it's a good companion for "Wolf", and also because... I hate bears. I hate teddy bears too. I collect racoons (odd choice for a girl, I know), actually. "Bear" is also a symbol of strength - and is an object of worship by the ancients. Chinese, Finns, early Europeans and even some of the Romans/Greeks had this "Bear goddess" thing - linked to Ursa Major. I used Bear then, showing a corrupt side of extreme care - that is, Yukio perverts the symbol by his obsessiveness. "Yukio" actually means "man who desires everything" - if I remember my research rightly...


	33. Must Be Dreaming

I apologize for the wait. Life for me has sped up. Mainly because I'm graduating this year with a BA in English (if I pass my Japanese course). With it, I hope to teach ESL to students in South Korea (for starters). Japan and China are also on my list. At any rate, this means being "more mature" and "thinking more seriously about what to do next in your life". (sigh) Sadly, therefore, fanfiction has been harder to keep up. But hopefully I'll be able to finish this particular baby by spring. Here's to hoping! Thanks for all the encouragement! Ja!

I do not own Naruto.

Summary so far: Kakashi, although gifted with a Hatake bloodline and the Sharingan, is forgotten in the fracas of war. But Team 7 isn't going to let their favorite (not-so-favorite) sensei be. Between missions that seem to distract them, as they help rebuild Konoha after the war with Orochimaru and Akatsuki, Team 7 tries to find out the past of their illusive sensei. Despite finding out what made the man who he was, Team 7 had to face another enemy in the shape of Kakashi's uncle. The past colliding with post-traumatic stress disorders and other various psychosis, causes Kakashi attempt suicide. Although his return to Konoha is a success, Yukio, in his attempt to hold Kakashi close, brings the nin into further despair.

Warning: Angst. Stream-of-consciousness hallucinations.

Song: "Must Be Dreaming" by Imogen Heap

_**

* * *

**_

Read and review! 

_Kokis: Once again, I'm thankful for your encouragement and excitement. And have half of your present done:) _

Prescripto13: Same old, same old here! Last chapter... not of the story... lol. But. The turning point, ne?

Nuisaeri: You seem to be a newish reviewer? I'm so glad to hear such encouragement from you, especially since I think I'm definitely dragging this along... I hope you enjoy regardless! Hope to hear from you soon! 

_Nanatsunade: Yep! Here's another update. No Yukio beating yet... not yet..._

_SweetAssassin: As always, hearing from you is the greatest! Thanks for the encouragement!_

_Moiya Hatake: You can be President of the "Hate Yukio Fanclub". Your imagination amuses me. (giggles)_

_MazokuTenshi: Thanks! I'm glad that this still seems like a great story to you! Hope you enjoy the update!_

_tootalltygerlily: Once again, thanks! I appreciate the encouragement. And yes, Yukio's days are numbered. :) _

steggylikesjuiceboxes: Hahaha! I guess we're on the same wavelength. And I don't blame you at all for dropping it and taking awhile to catch up. This thing is mammoth. (sighs) Hope you enjoy this one! 

_anbu10: Wow! You get a medal for reading all that stuff! Hardly anybody starts with "White Fang, Lightning's Howl" and "Revelation of the Wolf". Hope this quenches some of your need for a cliffie resolution!_

_Inarealpickle: I actually think there were a couple readers who liked Yukio. He's a really troubling(ed) character. I hope you enjoy this new upload!_

_Ibendover4Kakashi:) Thanks! I hope you enjoy this new update! It's a great encouragement to hear that my story is really engrossing! Thanks again!_

_Jemiul: Thanks ever so much for your repeated encouragement! You don't know how much I appreciate it!_

_equivalentexchange: I think there are a whole bunch of people (see above) who hate Yukio. Hahaha! I feel honored to know that my story was so engrossing! Good luck with school!_

_blondekell: Thanks for the uber encouragement! It's great to hear from a regular reviewer! And I'm glad that the direction of the story is still amazing for readers (especially since we've been seeing this for a long time coming!_

_WitcherCo: Hee hee hee! Shikamaru is the best! I also felt alot like Shikamaru when I was young. But as I get older, I also feel younger because life has gotten so interesting! So it's all good! _

_naruto: Hmmm... I'll try... _

Krows Scared: Wow! How's it going! I noticed your absence and was mildly worried. That either a) a beloved reviewer had disappeared off the edge of the planet or b) my story was off-putting. Both options of course are mildly depressing. Well, at any rate, welcome back. This story, is sadly still going on. (sighs) I hope to finish it by spring... otherwise... I don't know... 

_me-ninjakitty: Thanks for the encouragement. If you like original, you may want to try "Letters of Yesterday" by me. It also is a KakaSaku story. And is one that I am very happy with. And it's... a my-st-ery:) See ya round!_

_blackshinobi24: Wow! Another reviewer! (feels honored) I really hope you like this! Thanks for the 4 thumbs up!_

_folltosa: here be the update! Enjoy!_

_dancerquity: Sorry about the wait. (read above for more details) I hope you like the new update!_

_charlottehibiki: hahaha! Another Yukio-hating reviewer! Wow. I'm sure there's enough now to make a nice sized fanclub. :) HOpe you enjoy the pro-sakura update!_

**

* * *

**

Must Be Dreaming 

**Another thanks to Jemiul. Who has been a faithful reviewer... from... almost the beginning!**

_**It's the right and wrong universe...**_

_**I must be dreaming or we're onto something**_

Rin bent down, her hair seemed to glow a gentle brown - then it flared blonde, almost white and then in the blink of an eye, her hair seemed as black as the night. He reached out his hand hesitantly. This was Rin, was it not?

It was her smile and there was kindness in her eyes. Eyes which were so dark - they seemed like fathomless pits, and then... bright. Bright as Naruto's eyes. As the sky.

_Naruto..._

The name lingered on his lips and then fell away.

_Naruto... Sasu - Sa -_

_No. Those were merely a dream. A dream so happy and then so sad - so dark...  
_  
He focussed instead on the familiar face in front of him. Drawing closer to him, Rin reached out, he shut his eyes basking in her light touch.

"You've been gone so long," he whispered. "I thought you weren't going to come back at all. I missed you so."  
She laughed softly, then her hand stilled. He opened his eyes, his brows furrowed in concern as her eyes filled up with unshed tears.

"I wanted to be there," she replied softly.

Her voice sounded so quiet - as if she were speaking from a long way off.  
"I needed you so much... after..." Kakashi shook his head trying erase the memory of the Yondaime's silent, prone body. "I was so alone..."  
"I'm sorry..."

A pause.

"I wanted to be there too. But... things happen, Kakashi. I thought we left enough behind for you to remember us - be strong for us..."

"I'm so tired..."

"Tired..." she sighed. "I think it's because you've been a little stupid lately, hm?"

Kakashi blinked.  
"Eh?"

"Obito said I should be more severe with you. Running around like that - letting things go to wrack and ruin. Sitting around moping in the dark."

Kakashi shrank back, noticing how her fist had balled at her slim hips.

_Just like..._

_Sakura..._

Rin's face blurred, her hair whitened, a pink hue streaking it... Kakashi shook his head.

_Ah... Rin has become so much like her. But that isn't...  
_

His teammate grabbed him by the collar.

"Are you listening to me, Kakashi?" Her eyes were really scary. The medic let him fall back on his pillow. "This isn't what we wanted for you."  
Kakashi turned his head away and shut his eyes again. Although he wanted to bury himself under his pillows, the Copy Nin couldn't - his arms were tethered to his bed again.

_Tsunade-sama... Another scary woman..._

"I didn't die for this. Neither did Obito. Do you think Sensei died wanting something dark for you? For you to bury yourself in work - in blood and in silence?" Rin's thin shoulders slumped. "All this time, I wanted something good for you. I -"

Kakashi turned to her, and took her hand in his.

"I'm sorry... I'm tired... so very tired..."  
"You're young. You have everything in front of you. There should be nothing holding you back."

"Things happen, Rin. Things beyond your - my - Sensei's control. It's the way life is," he smiled lopsidedly. "Didn't I tell you before that your optomism is going to get you into trouble?"  
"Is there something wrong with hoping for the best."

"No," Kakashi looked troubled. "It's just that it's hard to meet those expectations... sometimes..."

"That I know about," Rin stroked Kakashi's hand which squeezed hers gently. "Still... when you go, promise me that you will try again. There are people waiting for you. People who need you to be at their side."

"People?"

Kakashi looked up with suprise.

_**Taking me in full bloom**_

_**See what you made me do**_

-

With indifference, Makoto watched the small puffs of dirt rise from beneath his feet. He shuffled his sandals back and forth pushing small rounded pebbles around listlessly. A few ants scuttled away from the area - safely back to their home under the wall. For a moment, he considered stepping on them, but he drew back.

He was grown up now. With Ichiro, he had reached the top, as it were. After years of hard work and very little free time, here he was - in the elite force better known as Leaf's ANBU. And yet...

The new ANBU didn't know what to think. He should be happy - here with Ichiro. On one of their rare days off.

"What d'you wanna do?" asked Ichiro, nudging his peculiarly silent companion.

"Dunno," mumbled Makoto.  
"Something's on your mind. Spill it."  
"Eh?"

"I don't want it to spoil our day, idiot," Ichiro affectionately slung an arm around his companion's slumped shoulders.

"I was thinking... to visit our senpai..." Makoto hesitated.  
"Senpai..."

"You haven't thought on it?"  
Ichiro bit his lip, then nodded slowly. "Wellll... yes... but..." He cocked his head in thought. "You know, Ibiki-san."  
Makoto shivered. "Who could forget him?"  
"I over heard him talking to somebody... He said... that he's gonna be pulling Kakashi-senpai out."

Makoto froze.  
"He - he's leaving?"  
"I think so..." Ichiro sighed. "It's for the best. You know that..."

"Hm..."

Makoto's foot withdrew from the pebbles. After shaking his foot free from dust, he stood and smiled down at Ichiro.

"Then let's go - to Tsunade-hime."

"Tsunade-hime?"  
"Yes. If this is true... then..." Makoto shook his finger. "I just know how people are gonna react in ANBU."

"People are gonna react?" asked Ichiro, following Makoto down the road. "Seriously? Kakashi-senpai is the greatest. Kakashi-sama deserves the rest, doesn't he?"

"Hm. Yes... but you know... some people depend on him. You know what I mean..."  
"Ahhh... Yes..." Ichiro remembered a certain ANBU Bear. "So... Tsunade-hime should know this? Isn't this... ratting out our senpai?"  
"Who do you trust?" Makoto asked. "Who's been the one who's stood firmest for us? Been tough but certain? C'mon, Ichiro... You're supposed to be the smart one!"  
"Are you sure you aren't biased?" Ichiro asked. "You got introduced to Icha Icha because of Kakashi-senpai..."

"Hm. Yes, yes. That is true... but thinking objectively. He did his best - Yukio... I like him. But Kakashi-sama - is Hatake. He's got so much heritage... I don't want it to wither away in the dark."

Ichiro lifted an eyebrow inquisitively.  
"Okay, Makoto... Admit it."  
"What?"

"You like him."  
"WHAT? N-No way..." Makoto laughed.  
"Then... has an overdose of Icha Icha gotten to your brain? What kind of a man says something like "withering away in the dark"???"  
"I did. I made it," Makoto huffed at his companion. "What's wrong with it?"

"You sound like a girl. In love," Ichiro glared darkly - then grinned. "It's the Makoto I want to see and hear. Let's go then, Ma-CHAN... and see what Tsunade-sama says. Race you - onetwothreego!"  
Makoto stared at his rapidly disappearing partner in confusion then realized what happened.

"He-he-heeeyyy! Ichiiirooo! Get back here! That's not fair! Ichiro!"

-

Iruka could detect the faint worry in Tsunade's abrupt words:

"So. What is it? If it isn't fever..."  
"You know what it is, Tsunade-sama," he had said softly, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "We ALL know what this means."

"We were too late," Shizune whispered. "He's..."

"He's NOT GONE!" Sakura stuck her chin out. "I'm staying with him - he's gonna come back. I know it."

"Sakura -" Iruka lowered his hands to the desk and folded his hands. It was a now a long familiar gesture for him. Something to preclude his reasoning. A way for him to think as he linked his fingers together.

_Familiar. Like that man had been for so long. On those missions they had taken so long ago together... With Genma, Raidou... I had been so afraid of him then - of ANBU... now... I'm afraid... but there's anger now here too. Sakura's so angry... and I can feel it... as if it were a living thing..._

He shuddered.

"I'm just saying that so far... the diagnosis isn't... good..." He hedged a little, wondering if Sakura should even be in the room considering her exhausted state.

"Just say it," Sakura said bluntly. "You think he's gone crazy, don't you?"  
"Listen, I don't know what's happening... he's just..."  
"Gone crazy," Tsunade propped her suddenly aching forehead on the palm of her hand. She drummed her fingers restlessly on the table. "How did it come to this, Jiraiya..."

The older man leaned back and sighed.

"Hatake were always a little delicate. Because he went through so much, I guess we overestimated Kakashi... After so many years in ANBU - after a war like the one we just went through - and the wars before that which he survived... is it so suprising that he's a little... insane?"

"A little doesn't describe it," Iruka said roughly, avoiding Sakura's glare. "He's... hallucinating."

"I never read records of hallucinations before..." Tsunade said.  
Sakura nodded.  
"When we took him, he was fine. He was fine," she repeated, shaking her head. "It just doesn't make sense. Even in the hospital, he seemed okay."  
"Considering he had just attempted to commit suicide," Iruka added dryly.

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow.

"Suicide?"

"Hmmm... at the family shrine, apparently," Iruka shook his head. "Don't look at me that way, Sakura. A psychologist needs to know everything before he starts anything... and apparently only Naruto had the presence of mind to tell me what I'm goning to be dealing with. Unless you think you are okay on your own, Sakura."  
The medic's jaw stiffened with protest.

"I'm fine," she said softly. "I said I would handle Kakashi-senpai. And I will."  
"Sakura..." Jiraiya said softly. "Kakashi is well... suicide, it - well -"

"Runs in the family?" Sakura said sardonically. "Tell me about it. I've read the case files... but... death does too. They are gone. All of them." She stared at her hands, shoulders very still. "I don't want to see that lost..."  
"I never wanted any of them lost," Jiraiya sighed. "We were young when they started to die off like flies. But that doesn't really bear on the here and now. Here and now..." He folded his arms across his chest. "I wanted him to take over for Tsunade - we agreed on this. The old lady-"

"Jiji!!!"  
"I mean, Tsunade-HIME here should have a chance to rest her bones... Kakashi would have been a great replacement - we wanted this for him. But war came upon us so fast - we just had to go with it... And now here we are..."  
Tsunade leaned back in her chair.

"It's not over," she stated firmly.  
Sakura lifted her head. Iruka could see thin tracks of tears on her face. He bit his lip.

_Sakura... you..._

"I believe in Sakura. Even more, I believe in his strong heart. He will return to us. That is the way the Hatake are," Tsunade smiled. "For a long while, I underestimated Naruto... let's not underestimate someone whom we depended so easily on before. Okay?"

Everybody nodded. Shizune set the tea down.

Tsunade raised hers in a solemn, cryptic toast.

"To those who walk in the sun."

_What will happen, Tsunade-sama? _Iruka wondered as he plodded home to a waiting Shizune. _Not even you can say. Will you bet on it? _

Iruka smiled.

_That is the beauty of life_, he decided. _You can never see what is ahead. With optomism, there is only opportunity. I want to see it with those eyes. And Shizune..._

The dark-haired medic ran out his door and slung her arms around his neck.

"Welcome home," she smiled.  
"It's good to be back," he grinned and drew her close.

She pulled back, glanced at the flowers cradled in the crook of his arm.

"Flowers for me?" Shizune cried with delight, tenderly lifting them up to look at them closer.  
"Hmmm..." Iruka smiled, scratching the back of his neck nervously and shuffling his feet. "Shizune..." He said tentatively.  
"Yes?" She looked up, her dark eyes sparkling.  
Iruka smiled in return.  
"I need to talk to you - about... something important..."

-

_**Pinch me till waking...**_

_**So undeniably yours**_

"Yes, PEOPLE." Rin tapped the Copy Nin on the nose. "You never really become aware of them, huh, Kakashi. That's what I like about you the most... But you know, this is the time to wake up... you can't lie here forever."  
"I can't?" He pouted, grabbing her hand. "I don't want to let you go again..."  
"Silly..." Her voice grew faint, but her hand held firmly onto his. "You have your own path to tread. A life no one can live for you. Choices only you can make... It's not all about you, Hatake prat..." Her grin wavered. "But... for once... think about what you want... some things..." Her eyes grew distant, then sharpened uncomfortably on his face. "Some things... you need to say 'no' to."

Kakashi blinked, she leaned forward and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"Grow some backbone, Kakashi. Remember the old days when you'd irritate the hell out of everyone - even Sensei would sigh over you..."  
Kakashi grinned.

"That's the way of the genius."  
"I don't see any geniuses here," Rin laughed playfully, tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear. "Say 'yes' to the right things, Kakashi. You will find rewards beyond your imagination -"  
She drew away, her fingers never leaving his.  
"We're here inside you... never to leave..."  
"You said PEOPLE..." Kakashi said stubbornly. "I like you the best - who else can replace our team?"

Rin's lips turned up in an enigmatic smile.

"Silly..."

-

Hana opened the door slowly, suprise written all over her face. Raidou looking beyond her could see nothing but the dark interior of the Inuzuka Clan House. But somewhere, two young boys yelling at the top of her lungs. Still, Hana seemed unfrazzled. Totally calm and collected, she stood in the doorway, hands on hips, head cocked in inquiry.

"I'm not going to bite you," Hana said with a short laugh. "Come in."

Raidou hated clan houses. It reminded him too much of the Namiashi estate. And his father... Certainly he had overcome that particular battle a long time ago (thanks to Genma), but still... Taking a deep breath, he entered in slowly, looking around carefully. Two boys hurtled down the stairs and out the back door. The rickety wooden frame slammed loudly.

Hana shrugged.

"Boys are boys."  
"Yes..." Raidou sat down at her gesture. He watched as she pulled out some bottles.

"Sake or tea?"

"Just one," he said with a small smile.  
"Sake it is then!"

He didn't sip from it - merely turned the small cup around and around...

"You came about a mission?" asked Hana.  
"No." Somehow the scarred nin found his tongue. "No. I... uh... It's complicated."  
She waited.  
"It's about... Genma..."  
"He's ill?"

Raidou watched for it. But it wasn't there... He breathed a small sigh of relief and smiled.

"No. No. He's fine. He... doesn't know I'm here... I just... couldn't help but notice that... the boys..."  
"Are alot like him," Hana smiled softly and rose to the window, to watch the two young ones race around the yard with the new generation of Inuzuka pups.

"Yes."

"It happened a long time ago, Raidou," she said, after a while. "I don't see why it should be brought up."

Raidou walked over to her.

"Years ago, I was young. And lacked any self-confidence. For me, Genma was everything. It was... a little..."

"Obsessive?" Hana laughed.  
"Yes."  
"So honest."  
"Well, I think I'm older now... And I know... that it is not a question of who owns Genma. Fact is, he would never want to abandon a child, wherever it came from. If he found this out too late, the guilt would... destroy him, I think. And besides, we both understand how important family is once you lose it."  
"You have grown, Raidou," Hana said whimsically. "When did that happen?"

"Suddenly."

They both laughed.

-

Over her folded hands, Tsunade's brown eyes flared with curiousity.

"The secretaries said you have something to say?"

The two ANBU stirred restlessly on the balls of their feet - but their backs and shoulders remained stiffly straight, their eyes never quite meeting hers, gazed past her ears out beyond the windows of her office. She knew the view from her office window was quite amazing. After all, she'd been looking out of it for quite some time.

But Jiraiya was right. Watching the village change, grow, fall, rebuild itself - the seasons, as they passed - had laid their toll even on her body. And mind. And temper.

_Surely I'm not an ogre_, she thought crossly to herself.

"You can be at ease," she leaned forward. "Tell me, quickly. I don't have time to waste - even if it is amazingly new gossip from the lips of..." the Kage pursed her lips in thought. "ANBU, right?"

"Yes, ma'am," Ichiro said with maddening politeness, relaxing a little.  
Makoto followed suit.

"We came..." He hesitated.

"Out with it, kid," she rolled her eyes. "It's not gonna get better with age."  
Makoto stifled a grin and nodded.  
"It's Kakashi-senpai."

The Kage blinked.

Silence blanketed her office.

The chair creaked ominously as she leaned back.

"And what about him?" She asked. "He won't be coming back for a while - his... injuries sustained from the last mission have paid a heavy toll on his... body..."

"Mhmmm..." nodded Ichiro. "We've been noticing for quite some time that... Kakashi-senpai... is special... and... we both thought that we should tell you about... how... he's been..."

"He's been, acting strangely. I mean, ever since we knew him..." Makoto carried on, hurriedly. "There seemed something off. We both came to you, to tell you that removing Kakashi-senpai from ANBU won't be enough..."

Tsunade leaned back in her chair.

"Oh? And why is that? You want to keep him there?" She raised her eyebrows.  
"We'd never presume -" Ichiro bit his lip, wincing at her sardonic tone.  
"But you do -"

"It's for the best," Makoto blurted out.  
Ichiro glared at his impulsive companion.

Tsunade's eyebrows rose further, then furrowed.

"Why do you say that?"  
"There's... another senpai who shows interest... our team needs each other to survive," Ichiro sighed. "But... this is all at the cost of Kakashi-senpai's nerves. He... would often be jittery. It was if... his eyes... saw things that weren't there... and Yukio-senpai once told us that he saved Kakashi's ass from being kicked out of ANBU by lying to the medics about his condition."

"What?" Tsunade's hand slammed down on the desk. "When? When did this happen?"

Makoto and Ichiro inched back. Tsunade sagged back in her chair, rubbed the bridge of her nose and then exhaled a large sigh.

"Sorry... it's just... Nevermind... Just go on... You said that... this Yukio told you he lied to medics about Kakashi's state? Did he say why? When? How? Why would he tell you this?"

"It was before the Rock Village take over..." Makoto continued. "Yukio-senpai warned us... He - he said that Kakashi-senpai was prone to... have, er... problems... that was all he said. And... he said that it had happened once before. To keep him in ANBU, he had bypassed the hospital and tended the nin himself - avoiding any kind of medical diagnosis... ANBU try their best to keep an eye out on our... er..."

"Mental states," Ichiro put in baldly. "I think... this bad episode happened a while ago... but recent smaller episodes had Yukio-senpai worried..."  
"Did he say when this... bad episode happened?"

Makoto and Ichiro turned to each other, then shrugged.

"Well..." Ichiro took a deep breath.

Tsunade shook her head, _Certainly they are young - and as such - have little power in the chain of ANBU... It's a dark place - and what drove them there... I do not know... But something in ANBU is so dark as to make them this worried..._

"He didn't tell us the date per se... but..." Makoto took a deep breath. "There was... a school involved. It caused... hallucinations... It is the reason why Kakashi-senpai is so... concerned about cleanliness, for example."

"So, mild symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder?"  
"Uhhh..." The two young men blinked. "It's not as bad as it sounds..."  
"I see..." Tsunade smiled. "It's not suprising that you don't know such things. It's a new field of research - psychology. A study of the mind, as it were... Among other things, looking at the impact of memory and past experiences upon the fatigued mind."  
"I see," Makoto said slowly, not really seeing at all.  
Ichiro nodded.  
"I don't get it all... but... this will help Kakashi-senpai, will it not? It was so hard for him to smile..."  
"Well..." Tsunade sighed. "Smiling is hardly a prerequisite to enter ANBU... but... for a human to live a healthy, happy lifestyle, there has to be some sort of fulfillment... I think Kakashi lost his aim... that is all. We... are going to help him find it again..."

Ichiro nodded again.  
"That is the best thing to hear... but..." he hesitated. "There is... another who has found fulfillment in Kakashi-senpai. If you take our senpai away... there will be nothing left..."  
"For you?" Tsunade asked.  
"No..." Makoto smiled. "I have Ichiro to keep me in line."  
"Without me, this idiot would die tomorrow," grumbled Ichiro with a smile. "But," he sobered up. "Yukio-senpai. In Kakashi, he has found meaning. At first, this tickled our fancy... but... a drowning man only drags his rescuer down... We think... its best... to set Hatake-san adrift... For his own good. Yukio-senpai... will just..."

"Have to learn how to sink or swim," Tsunade grimly.

Another silence fell on the room.

Makoto sighed. "That is all we had to say," he said lamely. "I don't know if this has been useful -"

"It has been... extremely informative..." Tsunade smiled. "I am... indebted to you both. Your insights have cleared up a mystery we had been puzzling over. With this, surely, Kakashi will see the light of day. I am sure he is already thankful."

The two young men smiled tentatively back.

"We best be going now," Ichiro turned. "Excuse us..."  
"Thanks for listening," Makoto bowed.  
"Thank you for coming," Tsunade replied graciously. "Take care, Makoto-kun. Ichiro-kun. I wish you the best in missions to come. Remember to find your smiles in each other."

Makoto snorted. Ichiro glared at his friend.

"I'm not so bad, eh, Ichiro."  
"I think it's just spreading. It'll all end up at your doorstep. You and your..."

"Aw. Shut up. You're just jealous..."

-

Time had stood still in the room. When she returned to Kakashi's "sickbed", it looked so much the same. Sakura knew that it was overly optomistic to hope that he would be up and running by the time the meeting was over...

This is something even I cannot fix...

She sighed, and took his thin hand in hers. Already she was imagining herself cooking for him. Putting meat onto that scrawny skeleton...

Cutting that wild mane... Making him as comfortable as he can be... Still... nothing is accomplished by him here...

"Kakashi..." Her voice seemed thin in the dead air. "They say... that people lie unconscious sometimes can hear the voices and feelings of those by them..." Leaning forward, she traced his face with a finger.

"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry, I guess... After all, we forgot. We were so stupid. Idealistic and carried away by our names as heroes... But you know, deep in me, I never forgot..."

The silence after seemed... heavier - Sakura laughed at herself. Somewhere between the laughs, teary hiccups edged in. Balling her fists in her eyes, the medic tried to stem her tears.

"This isn't what we wanted for you - to be alone - to lie here for the rest of your life, with you somewhere else. Kakashi - you told us the importance of people... How could you let yourself be buried..."

Her voice squeaked high at the end. Sakura took a deep breath to steady herself. "All the time, didn't you guess I wanted something good for you. Even back when you were alone - when we had to seperate ways... we talked that time. Do you remember..."

Sakura smiled.

"Back then I was so alone, with Tsunade and Shizune... and Iruka and the others. But I missed our team so much. We were like family."

She giggled at the memory.

"And you know, there you were, totally apathetic. I didn't even think you'd show up for the Chuunin Exam... but you did. And, then, you took me out to celebrate. Flowers and all..."

The light flickered. Kakashi slept on.

"What I meant to say... is that people depend on you. There are people who are waiting for you... who need you to be at their side. Naruto. Sasuke... Myself... Aren't we good enough reason to go on?"

Reaching forward she took his hand.

"This is your time - you can't lie here forever... You have your own path to tread. In the future, there is a life only you can live - with choices only you can make... And these choices... are for you. Think about what you want. Some things, I'm sure you're gonna have to learn to say no to... And that's why, we're beside you..."

She leaned back exhausted, greeted only by silence. The light flickered and hummed. Somewhere a nurse was whistling an offbeat tune. Her chair creaked.

"We won't... let you go..."

The bed and the dark mask blurred together.

-

Yukio opened Kakashi's window to let the evening breeze into the stale room. Soon the Copy Nin would be back. They would be able to sit there, comforting each other in silence and understanding under the moon. Together, they would watch the stars. He had put some bottles in the fridge ready for drinking - and some food for convelescents. Yukio knew that Kakashi would return. They would be together once again.

_As it should be._

-

Rin's smile grew. Her face glowing as bright as the sun, but as his vision lost to whiteness, he could hear her laughing at him.

"... She's right beside you... You never were clever that way..."

Her eyes filled his visions and he fell into them drowning - falling back down -

A young child jumping up and down on his mattress and then falling back to bounce off the fluffy quilt. And there was nothing but a warm stillness. He opened his eyes expecting to see his mother, Rin again, perhaps...

But he had never passed the river to Beyond - a heavy weight seemed to settle back on his shoulders as he recognized the room. Kakashi shut his eyes and exhaled a tiny sigh.

_Back here again, eh. _

He twisted and stared out the window, trying to sense any chakra - but when he turned to the right, he nearly jumped out of his skin. Yet, he remained silent. Looking down, Kakashi suddenly understood why his hand was so numb. Her young hand was wrapped tightly around his - never letting go - even in her sleep...

Sitting up slowly, Kakashi leaned forward, hesitantly, his fingers rose to her hair, pushing back pink, damp strands. The young medic looked drained.

_How long has she been here?_ His brow furrowed in concern._ Forget about me, the hospital is going to have another sick person... _

There were dark circles under her eyes - they stood out enough for even him to notice. And her cheeks were stained with tears. Kakashi bit his lip and laid back with a sigh on his pillow. Slinging an arm over his eyes, he laid there - listening to the light breathing of the exhausted girl, who had never let him go. It was uncomfortable to think on, so he attempted to turn his mind away -

And yet, there it was, worry nibbling at the edges of his mind...

_Handholding... What does this mean...  
_  
It brought to mind the other - that man... Yukio...

Just the thought of dark hair and piercing eyes made Kakashi cringe. He didn't want to go back to that. To the darkness.

_I'm sorry Makoto. Ichiro... Perhaps Rin is right. I need to tread my own path - wherever that takes me._

His hand tightened around Sakura's smaller one.

_Wherever that takes me.  
_

_**Don't stop...**_

_**I'm losing it...**_

-

Read and review.


	34. Spring and Suprises

Thanks for all your continued support even after my long absence. I've graduated now so hopefully things will pick up again!! Although, I can't promise much since I'm now trying to find an ESL type job in Asia... soooo... yeah... busy busy!

* * *

Liz - Thanks! I appreciate your comment.

Blitz-Sora - Everyone seems to hate Yukio. LOLZ. I'm sure he'll get the comeuppance he deserves sometime soon...

MazokuTenshi - I know the feeling of pressure that school can bring. But it will end with time! GANBATTE!

Browncocoabean - Thanks so much! I'm glad that you are excited by this story!

JMYoda - Wow. Such praise. I blush. I'm glad that the story is fulfilling it's promise of complexity and plot.

TandTroll - Thanks for the review!

Sakura-bell - I have to say thanks so much for your continued words of encouragement! You'll be glad to know that I passed everything. Perhaps not with as many flying colors as last year - but then... taking japanese and old english together was probably suicidal.

JunJun1990 - "Gentle Lesson" is/was my first start on the long road to dark fiction. I hope to write more of this kind of thing in the future. But I'm glad that you are riding this rough road to the end! I hope you enjoy it, wherever Kakashi is taken!

Inubabygirl - Thanks! I hope this chappie fulfills your kakasaku cravings!

Drachegirl14 - Wow! I am always impressed by people who read this thing in one go. LOLZ. It is a big project - but I'm glad you are enjoying the Hatake Cycle Series.

Jemiul - Thanks alot! I hope you enjoy this update.

Ifitwasn't4kakashi - O.O Wow! 2 Days! Good work! I hope you like this chappie then!

Charlotte Hibiki - Very true... especially since I'm the author. lolz.

Tootalltygerlily - Hm... yes. Writer's block and school are the fanficcers bane. I hope this helps with your cravings!

SylviePrincipal - Thanks alot! Sorry for the wait!

Perscripto13 - Hm. Yes... doom and gloom... awaiting us. Or not? LOLZ. I feel cruel sometimes... jerking Kakashi-sama's chain!

Crystalcurse - Thanks alot for your review!

SweetAssassin - Sorry for the long wait! Life just got too busy. But now it's slowed down (sort of), I hope that I can get things back on the road!

EquivalentExchange - I know... I feel so bad for the long wait - but we're almost there!!

MoiyaHatake - Indeed! Yukio is not gonna get any happier... lolz... We'll see though...

YourAngelStandingBy - Thanks for the thoughts and review! I think so too as well!

Dancercuity933 - I think that it is most realistic - to have them all wondering but not really knowing the truth. It happens all the time when someone who screwed up is welcomed back into the fold... lolz. But I have a feeling Kakashi won't be left on the wayside again!

lil-saturn-goddess - Thanks for the "wow"!

Anbu10 - I think I passed - but still... Nihongo wa muzukashidesukara, watashi no nihongo wa waruidesuyo! (Because Japanese is hard, my japanese is bad). lolz. All I know is that I graduated so...

Folltosa - Hope you enjoy this update!

Moderndayportia - I am sadly prolific... as my interests proliferate. lolz. But I can't say how long this will take. But I can tell you it's not gonna be as long as some Snape/Hermione fics that I've read.

Ninjakitty - Thanks for the update! Hope you enjoy this chappie!

Randomguyhere - Sorry for the wait! I hope this slakes your kakasaku cravings!

Kokis-chan!! - As always, you have MY adorations lolz. I'm gonna be bringing them back in when it's their time... (kotetsu and izumo can't wait to get into the front spotlight again! lolz)

* * *

I do not own Naruto.

AN: Alot of this chapter I felt reflects in some way my current interest in "House M.D."... a little... I think...

**Gentle Lesson**

**Chapter 34**

**Spring and Suprises**

When he opened his eyes, he saw spring again.

-

"How is he?" Tsunade asked, as she leaned against the reception desk edge, rifling through Sakura and Iruka's notes on Kakashi's file.

"Well," Sakura cast a glance at the brown-haired, scarred Jounin and heaved a deep sigh. "As you can see by the reports and the few graphs we were able to compile - his chakra has restabilized. The long term exhaustion which may have caused depression or mood swings has been alleviated with much needed rest. Also, a few unhealed wounds have been properly mended as well as some of the stiffness he was ignoring in his hi-"

The blonde Hokage shut the file with a snap.

"No," She interrupted, staring down the young medic and her companion. "I meant - how IS he?"

There was a short silence. The two receptionists at the front desk lowered their voices - obviously trying to eavesdrop on the nins.

But Tsunade was already moving away, down the hall. Sakura and Iruka followed her at a quick trot.

"He's - he's doing FINE."

"Fine?"

Iruka snorted.

"He's doing as well as a Hatake might. Wanting go home. Restless. Evading questions. Trying to find a way out of a very humiliating position. And frightened by everyone - I think - deep down. But also there is relief - and... he is very comfortable around our young medic here. We should thank those thin ties they had made before the war for that, I suppose..."

Tsunade smiled briefly - as Sakura blushed red.

"It's not like that!" she protested.

"No?" Tsunade shrugged. "Things happen, Sakura. I just..." She swung around on the pink-haired medic with a matching now deep-pink face. "I just don't want you hurt. You hurting him. This situation is volatile - and the last thing I want is for you to lose your objective. Do you understand?"

Sakura nodded then hesitated.

"He is so... unused to the whole thing. And he wants to go back to his home. But..."

"Home isn't safe, and we know it," Iruka shook his head. "Sasuke-kun reported the prolonged presence of that ANBU at Hatake-sama's apartment... I think a total change of scene is required for Hatake-san."

They arrived at the door of the ninja in question. It was a small quiet room in a small quiet hall in the more private section of the large hospital which took care of the Hidden Village of Leaf. The care in this hospital rivaled any other village - and Sakura knew that Kakashi was in the best of hands. Still - that didn't stop her from feeling extra protective as she watched the nurse tend to Kakashi. Through the glass, they could see the young nurse attempt to flirt with the silent nin, straightening his sheets and setting out his supper.

Kakashi seemed even more reserved than usual. But then, the nurse WAS new.

_And probably doesn't know her place_, thought Sakura with a glower.

She caught Tsunade looking at her with a raised, questioning eyebrow, and turned away, blushing.

_Objectivity indeed._

It was only when the nurse was gone, that the nin settled down to eat. But not before carefully poking the food on his plate, sniffing it tentatively before nibbling on the edges. After a few moments, taking care that no one was in sight, Kakashi started on his supper.

"Still the cagey ninja that I have depended on," murmured Tsunade.

"Hm," Iruka sighed. "Almost... paranoid. He won't eat even if it's just Sakura there."

Sakura bit her lip.

"He was never like this before. It's just... I think... that he still doesn't really trust us yet."

"Kakashi... just needs time," Iruka replied softly, squeezing Sakura's arm in comfort.

"Time..." Tsunade sighed.

The two older ninjas left after a moment, but Sakura waited until the ninja was done before slipping into the room with a small smile.

"Kakashi-sensei," she smiled.

"Sakura-chan," he pushed away his now empty tray. "What did she say?" His dark eyes looked dispassionate to the young girl, but in the air there was some tension as the nin waited for her reply.

With a sigh, she sat, and then after a moment, took his hand. It was still so cold.

"She said that... you need more time," she looked at Kakashi straight in the eye, and smiled. "Soon, you'll be ready to go out on your own - but..."

"I can take care of myself," Kakashi answered softly but firmly. "I don't all this coddling -"

"I know."

"Then -"

"It took us so long to find you... We don't... want to let you go until you are good and ready -"

"I've been ready two weeks ago," the grey-haired nin replied. "Besides -" He turned away and shut his mismatched eyes. "It's not like... I've got anything to go back and get in trouble over... There's nothing really to go back to -"

Sakura watched him fight with tears she knew he would never release willingly. After a moment, he sighed, fingering his mask. When he turned to Sakura, his pale face was calmer.

"You have alot to come back to," she said softly. "You just can't see it yet."

He grinned crookedly.

"You're gonna make me a list?"

"If you want me to," she chuckled.

* * *

_It is odd_, Kakashi thought, setting down his familiar beloved book – leaning back to gaze out his hospital window. Outside, behind the familiar buildings and the high walls of Konoha, Kakashi enjoyed the colors of the sun as it slipped behind the clouds and hills.

The silence of the moment – the relaxed breeze wafting in gently – it all helped build this feeling of...

He didn't know how to define it. Whatever it was, it was unsettling – these feelings...

Kakashi frowned as he tried to categorize what stirred in him.

Happiness? No... more than that. More than contentment... And it wasn't just relief either...

The words of his medic bounced around in his head.

_"You have a lot to come back to"_, Sakura had said. But for the life of it - thinking of his lonely apartment, of Yukio's eyes condemning his betrayal... the whispers of the townspeople... and the knowing looks of his comrades - Kakashi couldn't find a silver lining.

Just the idea made him shiver.

But he knew that if he had a problem, they would be there, holding his hand, asking awkward questions... prolonging his imprisonment in this relaxing cell...

_They..._

_Iruka and Sakura..._

Just the thought of the fiery Chuunin-turned-Jounin and his clipboard - or Sakura and her files... it made him smile and shake his head all over again. Once again, their bulldog tenacity had found a place in Tsunade's framework.

It was so hard to escape them. When they visited, Kakashi's memories flooded back and for a moment, it felt like all those years in between had just been a bad dream. And that this was the return he always wanted. Iruka joking and then squawking as the jokes turned on him. Sakura's giggles as Kakashi pestered the thin-skinned Jounin...

In those moments, Kakashi thought...

_Surely... I have a chance..._

But in the dark nights, when he watched the moon rise out behind the hills, and the clouds flew past like black rags. When the wind played in the curtains which were pulled to the sides of the window - and the silence was absolute, Kakashi knew the truth.

_There is no going back._

-

It was on Kakashi's good day, that Gai, Asuma, Kurenai, Genma and Raido found their way to Kakashi's bedroom at last. The patient had been given a half hour's notice - so that when the four Jounin's burst into the room - they found Kakashi, sitting up in bed, looking just the same as usual. Black turtleneck sweater on, with attached black mask - his shock of grey-white hair still zany as usual - and in his pale slim fingers was a familiar brightly colored book.

One of Jiraiya's latest editions.

"AAHHHHHH!!" Gai yelled in amazement. "EVEN ILL KAKASHI IS THE COOLEST!! ASUMA! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A NINJA SO HIP!"

"I'm not ill -"

"Hip?" Genma asked critically, shifting a rather large toothpick across his mouth. "I think he looks as nerdy as ever - but compared to you -"

"IN THE SPRINGTIME -"

"Well - some things don't change, I see," drawled Kakashi, finally getting a word in edgewise.

"WELL - THAT IS BECAUSE YOUR RIVAL IS ALSO WELL VERSED IN KEEPING HIS YOUTHFUL EDGE!!" Gai burst into flames.

Kurenai and Asuma stepped back.

"So, you're looking good, man," Asuma nodded.

The red-eyed female nin waved a gloved hand and linked her free arm with Asuma's.

"We were worried -"

"Understatement of the year," blurted out Raido, scratching his scar nervously under Kakashi's deadpan stare. "Genma was pacing, Gai was a nervous wreck, Asuma broke a new smoking record -"

Genma smacked Raido upside the head.

"Idiot."

"NERVOUS WRECK? NEVER! A NINJA SUCH AS MYSELF CANNOT BUT PLACE UTMOST FAITH IN HIS COMRADES!! I AM SURE IT WOULD TAKE SOMETHING FAR GREATER TO BRING A HATAKE TO HIS KNEES!!"

There was a rather awkward pause after that, then Kurenai giggled.

"Well, it's good to have you back. Gai-san without Kakashi is like... I don't know..."

"Like... Sushi without fish?" asked Raido.

"Like Tsunade without alcohol?" chuckled Genma.

"I heard that, GENMA!" Tsunade slammed open the door. "Are you upsetting the patient AGAIN?"

"Again? Again?" Genma asked with mock innocence. "This is my first time in the sick room!"

"This is hardly a sickroom -" put in Kakashi. "And I'm not a patient -"

"Come to do a checkup?" asked Asuma. "We'll leave -"

"Checkup?" Raido asked.

"Checkup?" leered Genma. "I'm sure I'd like to see that -"

"Oh do shut up," Raido huffed.

"Jealous?" Genma asked with a grin.

Kakashi was watching the two Jounin closely.

"So it's out now?" he asked.

"Jealous?" Raido grinned proudly, twining his hand with Genma's.

"Not really," Kakashi ignored Tsunade's look and grinned under his mask. "You can have the cocky bastard -"

"WHAT! WHO'S CALLING WHO A COCKY BASTARD!" Genma nearly choked on his toothpick.

"I told him to leave off that bad habit," muttered Asuma. "It's gonna get him killed."

"Oh? Really?" asked Kurenai giving Asuma a look. "Talk about the pot calling the kettle black."

"A DUEL ALREADY!!" wailed Gai. "BUT THE FIRST DUEL MY RIVAL HAS MUST BE WITH ME! KAKASHI! LET US HAVE ANOTHER MATCH!"

"Not now," Tsunade interjected.

"I've been forced to stay in bed," Kakashi said quickly (glad for once that he was consigned to bedrest).

"JAN KEN PON!!"

Kakashi gave Tsunade a "save-me-i'm-gonna-die" look. But after a moment's thought, the blonde Hokage agreed.

"I'll be back later on today for that checkup, Hatake. So don't think you got out of it."

"Oooo!!" Genma cat-called - and just narrowly missed a punch by Tsunade which would have broken his spine.

The door shut behind the Hokage and all the Jounin immediately relaxed, finding seats to spread around the foot of the bed while Kakashi and Gai set about the rules for the Jan Ken Pon tournament.

When Sakura passed by an hour later, the Jounin were leaving. Kakashi was smiling and relaxed, promising a game of shoji with Asuma and perhaps, Shikamaru, later on in the week. And although she had not seen it before, Sakura saw that for the first time, Kakashi perhaps had found something to go back to. And the dark depression that seemed to hover over him, seemed to have pulled back even more.

Watching him through the glass, Sakura smiled softly.

_He's been living in the dark for so long, he has forgotten what it's like to be free... Things like this - are a reminder..._

* * *

When he lifted his head to sniff the air, he could smell the remnant odor of rain on the wind. The water cooler he sat on was damp with moisture - and below his dangling feet, large puddles remained pooled on the familiar roof of the hospital. There were bedsheets today. Nothing flapped in the rather indecisive wind. Only the chain link fence rattled mournfully. Sitting there deep in thought, the Copy Nin replayed the scene in his head from the morning.

_"We got a new apartment for you," Iruka was grinning cheerfully._

_But Sakura looked uncomfortable._

_"New scenery should freshen you up," the therapist said. "And it helps you feel better to get away from places with bad memories..."_

_Kakashi just sat there and stared._

And here he was - still stunned. Unsure of what to do. He wanted to protest - but Tsunade who had been there to watch over the proceedings looked firm about this. the injured Jounin knew it was no use. Frustration bottled up inside him churned around like bile. Tears now pricked his eyes - but he would not let them have the satisfaction of letting them see him cry. Once again, decisions were being made for him. And he couldn't even open his mouth to protest.

_Just like always_, he thought bitterly. _Can't let old Kakashi make important life decisions - he's insane, senile and possibly suicidal._

The nin sat there, wallowing in his morose thoughts, the sky darkened over his head - turning swiftly tonight - reflecting his depressed mood. He looked down suddenly and in the dim light of the half moon now risen over the trees, he could see a small hand rested on his longer gloved fingers now lax on his knees. Kakashi flinched, not so much startled by the visitor - she was familiar to him now. Dark eyes mournful, she stared up at the Copy Nin, her feet dangling beside his over the edge of the water tower. Although the Jounin wanted to jerk away, he did not.

After all, this was his penance. The necessary price for his sins.

_Iruka. Tsunade... Sakura... They think that a simple bedrest, happy smiles, good times with friends can just wipe away - can just erase the injustices of the past?_

Kakashi's snort to himself was full of bitterness.

_New apartment, new life, new job even - and what good would that do him? Happiness after all cannot appease the ghosts of one's past... Nothing can be set right again... Nothing..._

"Now..." A familiar voice growled at this side. "That can't be right can it?"

The miserable Hatake blinked as a rough tongue ran over his face, down his masked cheek, liberally dowsing him in dog drool. Jerking up, the man's emotionless eyes faced that of his summons.

His ever so mischievious, stubbon, willful summons.

To his eye, Lightning's Howl didn't seem to have changed at all over the years. His dog's coat was still the same silver and grey, the eyes still gleaming with amused cheer, endless wisdom and compassionate pain. Behind the dog, the tail swept back and forth slowly across the still damp paving of the hospital's roof. Although the nin was seated on the tower, he was just eye to eye with the ancient summons that lived so close to his heart. Sitting before the animal, Kakashi felt small and weak. More than ever he wanted to bury himself in the lost fur and never think about the little girl who stood now at the edge of the roof. The one who had been so close to him...

_No_, he corrected himself softly, remembering the first day that he had opened the gates which had released the spirit. _He is my heart..._

"Heart indeed, young one," growled the dog. "And let me remind you that your father too struggled with this pain. This feeling of nothing being able to be set right."

"Father was -"

"You and your father are so much the same," Lightning's Howl yipped in amusement. And yet the gentle growl was tinged with grief. Once again, the summons licked his master. "Taking on so much... carrying the burdens of the past - of the sins of the sires and the sires before them... Adding unnecessary memory to already heavy burdens of guilt..." The dog sighed.

"I'm sorry -" Kakashi shook his head helplessly. "I'm trying -"

"I know, little pup."

" - And I'm not a little pup -"

"You will always be a little pup in my eyes, little pup," the dog nuzzled the nin - who raised his hand finally to scratch the large muzzle nudging against him. "Even now, you have so much to learn yet."

"Is there anything you don't know about? Is there anything that stumps you..."

"Hmmm... one of the little pups asked me why one of the other pups was looking at him differently the other day."

Kakashi blinked in suprise at the seeming off-topic thought.

"At first, I was flummoxed. Then I realized. The young pup had no awareness at all." Here the sage chuckled. "The idea that Yui was a girl had escaped the young idiot's notice. Byakko was never quick on the uptake... but then," philosophized the summons. "It's not as if we can all brag about matters of love. Love is a hard thing to grasp at the best of times. In others, it is easy to notice. But when it comes to ourselves... matters of the heart are less easier to solve. Ah well."

"So you are saying..."

"I'm saying that..." The dog paused. "Nevermind, young pup. It's only for you to discover on your own."

Kakashi grumbled.

"You seem to be feeling better."

"Perhaps," hedged the ninja. "I just -" He sighed. "I feel that once again, I have no choice. People speak up for me - running over my opinions as if it were nothing... And... they just assume... They don't know that... perhaps... perhaps... I'm just not ready yet..."

"You cannot trust yourself?"

"Who could trust in himself after... after... what I have done?"

The dog licked his master again and whuffed gently.

"Then trust in us - in those who surround you and love you. Can you do that small thing?"

It is then that Kakashi leaned forward to bury his head in the thick fur, trying to find those feelings of comfort and support which always seemed to elude him.

"I must go, young pup - and you must leave to gain your rest. But remember... things will get better if you have the courage. Spring is just around the corner..."

Drawing back, the dog gave a gentle lick before disappearing into the wind like smoke. Kakashi watched his old friend disappear and sighed. Here he was again - alone. But this time, even though the young girl watched him from the edge of the water tower, Kakashi knew that he wasn't alone. He watched the small eyes follow him. At the edges of his vision, other eyes watched him. They always were. But he also knew that he had to live with it... or not live at all...

* * *

"Kakashi!"

Sakura hissed pacing down the hallway, trying to fight panic down.

"Kakaaashiiiiii!"

Still only silence.

"Hey! HEY!"

Sakura looked up and found the curious eyes of Neji and Sasuke watching her.

"What's the problem, Sakura?" Sasuke grabbed the distraught medic's shoulder.

"It's Kakashi!" Her green eyes were filled with unshed tears. "He's not in his room. And I'm worried. Today... Iruka broke the news about the apartment. And I think - I don't think - Kakashi wasn't happy, I'm sure of it. What if - he -"

"That would be stupid of him to even try," Sasuke shook his head angrily. "But even so -"

"Is it such a suprise?" The Hyuuga asked softly.

The two Jounin rounded on their old comrade with astonishment. The silent Hyuuga rarely talked about the whole situation. Even though the news had inflamed even the oldest quarters - "Kakashi-sama - the only Hatake! - the Copy Nin - is back!!" - Neji had been unmoved. Gai's tears, the hushed gossip of the Academy teachers and the jokes that bandied back and forth between the Rookie Nine seemed to pass over the silent Jounin. Hyuuga Neji kept his own counsel.

"You mean he's -"

"He just needs time," stated the Hyuuga calmly. "Sasuke, here, while helping me finish up the final fortifications of this village, told me a little bit of this whole story. It seems to me - that being ANBU for so long would cause any man a need for secrecy, independence..."

"I know..." whispered Sakura, her tender heart already hurting for her sensei. "I know. But - it was the only way!"

"Sometimes things have to be painful to make a point," Sasuke sighed. "Sakura... I know... your first instinct is to coddle but..."

"I'm not coddling!" protested Sakura, blushing lightly.

Neji's eyes sharpened.

"I'm just..."

"Trust him," the Hyuuga turned away. "Your lack of confidence is denigrating." He paused. "I'm going home now, Uchiha. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

With that, the quiet young man turned away, his white sleeves flapping like ghosts in the wind. The two young Jounin watched their older comrade disappear into the night soundlessly. Sasuke let go a harsh sigh.

Then after a moment.

"He's right, Sakura."

Sakura bit her lip and then nodded slowly.

* * *

Kakashi was on the rooftop when the young genius Hyuuga Neji dropped silently onto the rooftop and then bound up onto the fencing. He was obviously going home after a long day's work. Naruto had dropped in during the afternoon to relate his new missions. Tsunade had decided to work Team Seven to the ground.

_No doubt in hopes that it would keep them out of trouble_, Kakashi had thought to himself. _Good luck with that, Tsunade-hime._

The Copy Nin had been sitting on his bed when the loud-mouthed Jounin had popped in.

"Taking a break," Naruto said. "My lunch break."

"A break..." echoed Kakashi in a deadpan voice, as he eyed Naruto's obviously sneaky expression.

_More like playing hookey, if I don't know him..._

"Neji and Sasuke... have you ever had to work with that combination?" Naruto rolled his eyes. "I mean... geez... let up a little, you know? Working with people like that - you start to feel the stress twice as fast."

Kakashi had chuckled, knowing that Neji and Naruto would never be the best friends that some would hope for. And sitting there on the water tower, casting his eye over Neji, Kakashi was sure that Naruto's recklessness had left a mark of fatigue on the tensai Jounin.

_Not that Neji can't handle it_, Kakashi mused. _He is Hyuuga, after all._

The young man in question blinked at the sight of Kakashi lounging there under the night sky. Then he nodded imperceptibly.

"Sakura is looking for you," Neji said after a moment. "Perhaps you should relieve her mind and go in." Then, half-apologetically, he added. "She is very worried. Even more worried than I would have thought..."

"Hai, hai," Kakashi sighed. "Shouldn't make my medic unhappy..."

"She can get scary," Neji chuckled rather dryly. "Good luck with her, Kakashi-sempai."

With that, he disappeared into the night.

Kakashi turned to the little girl on the roof and said farewell. Lighting gently on the roof, he turned to go inside and paused to smile a little.

-

"We got something a little bigger than your older apartments, because we think you might want space," Sakura chattered nervously as she turned around in the main room which would become Kakashi's sitting room, kitchen and dining room. A door opened onto a balcony - he poked his head out and couldn't help but raise his eyebrows at the same old couch - now surrounded by new plants that looked alot like Mr. Ukki.

There was another door out onto the balcony - that led to his bedroom, which joined into the living room - and to finish up the square of the apartment, there was a small bathroom which opened into the small hallway-cum-atrium (as well as into his own bedroom). It was cozy. It was nice.

Kakashi had to admit he'd never had anything like this. Even his old apartment before the war had been a little too small. Nevertheless, it had suited his needs just fine.

He poked his head into the bathroom cupboards and found everything there. Not his style of arrangement - but it was odd to see his things all there - just waiting to be used again. Nothing had been added or changed or taken away. Slipping into his room, he found several boxes there containing all of his small knickknacks and the piles of civilian clothes he never really used. In one box, was a small gaming set - given to him so long ago by a grateful boy...

And some of the clothing reminded him of Megumi. He wanted to hide it all again... but said nothing. More than ever, Kakashi was aware of Iruka and Sakura watching. However, he was relieved to find that his chest had been left unopened. It had been his father's - and the latch lifted up easily for him revealing the few family heirlooms within that he had laid claim to. This had never been disturbed.

And he was grateful.

"He tried to keep everything the same way," Sakura said softly, her voice a little strained with worry.

"Even the couch," Iruka put in with a sigh. "I wanted to leave it behind but - this little kunoichi fought like a tiger for it..."

Kakashi said nothing as his fingers ghosted over the short sword of his father. He stilled at the thought of the couch.

"Thank you."

He shut the lid with a snap and rose.

"I appreciate -"

"It's not done, really," Sakura sighed. "The walls are so bare. And your curtains are in a state! The couch needs to be reupholstered, your blankets are threadbare... but..."

The medic bit her lip.

"It looks fine to me," Kakashi replied. And waited for them to leave.

Having them there made him nervous. People never used to visit him before - not that Iruka and Sakura were visiting him. More like... escorting him... but still...

Sakura smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad." She turned to Iruka and grinned. "Well. It seems like he's great... so let's leave him to settle in..."

The brown-haired Jounin nodded and scratched his scar thoughtfully.

"We'll be dropping in later maybe... with some housewarming thing -"

"Housewarming thing?" The question seemed to slip out before he could catch himself.

"A gift for when you move into a new house," explained Sakura patiently. "Haven't you ever been to a housewarming party?"

The Copy Nin didn't answer her. Instead, he focussed on something more important.

"Oh... that's not necessary," Kakashi replied easily. "I'm not -"

"But Iruka! It's a great idea," Sakura nodded with a smile at her companion. "I'll get Naruto and Sasuke to come around later! And maybe some of the others."

Kakashi paled as he watched Iruka's eyes light up.

"I'm sure that everyone has things to do -"

But Kakashi's hesitant objection was firmly overruled by Iruka's enthusiasm.

"I'm quite sure some of the older Jounin would join us too! And quite a few are coming back today from missions, so - "

"This could work!" Sakura practically glowed. "There's nothing nicer than a house party for someone who's coming back!"

They turned to glance at Kakashi who was still trying to grasp what was happening to him and his house. He stood there, trying to act nonchalant while his worst nightmare began to unfold before him.

* * *

When Yukio returned from his four day mission, he found Kakashi's apartment empty. Silent. Bereft. Grey. All the sheets had been stripped off of the thin mattress he had found so much comfort on. The couch on which he had cuddled with Kakashi was gone entirely. There was no sound save the "zzt zzzt" of the weary lightbulb swinging from the ceiling and the low hum of a fly against the balcony door.

Stepping out onto the balcony, Yukio felt truly abandoned.

* * *

Read and review.


	35. Time To

**I don't own the Naruto world. It's owned by Kishimoto. I don't get paid for this... and this is not a canon story!!! (At least, not anymore thanks to random deaths that have happened over the years of this long writing!)**

**Thanks to all those who have reviewed, who continue to review and to those who will review! MANY MANY THANKS! And for your patience, many thanks!**

* * *

**Gentle Lesson**

**Chapter 35: Time To...**

How can one go back to the way things were - when there is so much said and unsaid - done and undone - in between? There is much to regret - and perhaps to mourn... And it feels as if time will never be able to release one's guilt - or alleviate one's grief.

For some, time cannot be turned back -

-

"I thought it would get easier..." grumped Naruto, watching a bird land on a branch near him and twitter. "... but it isn't..."

"W-we-well..." Hinata suggested hesitantly. "M-ma-maybe he just needs time."

"Mhm...." Shikamaru sighed easing back with Chouji, Neji and Sasuke. A few paces away, the rest of the girls in the gang had gathered around Temari to discuss the weddings that were taking place in Konoha in the next couple of weeks - and months. "Sometimes even time can't fix things... it is troublesome but true. There are moments - even nowadays that I sometimes feel as if Asuma-sensei'll walk through the door and say, 'Yo!' in his ultra laid-back kind of way... As if nothing happened..."

There was a thoughtful silence that followed that remark. Naruto sighed impatiently and looked up at the blue, blue sky - that seemed that enchanting shade bird's egg shells. It was Shikamaru's perfect kind of sky complete with fluffy white clouds as soft as cotton candy. Comparing the beauty of the day, it was hard to reconcile the fact that despite the ugliness of life, there was a world out there that kept going on... Cycles and seasons that brought snow and rain and spring... Kakashi's life was in a new cycle, Naruto knew. It reminded him of Sasuke's return. However, remembering the difficulties surrounding Sasuke's rehabilitation didn't make the current situation any easier for Team 7.

_After all_, the blonde admitted, _on some level, I understood Sasuke. We were more than comrades - more like friends - there was somethinginstincutal between us, even in our hate - like brothers. But Kakashi-sensei... is something else._

He remembered Sasuke's words and hummed to himself, deep in thought.

_Sasuke is right. Sakura-chan is, perhaps, the only one who can understand him now... The one who can break through into his darkness..._

"It's so strange to see the idiot so deep in thought," Chouji mumbled between mouthfuls of chips.

"Well, things like this are twice as troublesome if they are let go too long," Shikamaru replied laconically. "If it's not dealt with..."

He sighed, letting the sentence end unfinished and instead comforted himself with a glance at Temari.

"He could easily end up rogue - a target for Hunter nin," Neji said placidly. "It happens all the time."

"B-bu-but Neji-nii-sama," Hinata said, stuttering with worry. "Kakashi-sensei w-wo-won't -"

"Hell no!" Naruto laughed. "We'll make sure of that!"

But his blue eyes were troubled.

-

"You can't be so hard on yourself," she clucked her tone as her hands hastily pulled out the charred remains of his third attempt at a home-cooked meal. "It's only been a few weeks since you left the hospital! And yet, you expect to domesticate yourself in two minutes!!!"

"... I guess not..." He replied stiffly, after a moment, glad she couldn't see how embarrassed he was.

But he had a feeling she could tell anyways - because she sighed and dumped the food into the trash without much thought.

"You are a Jounin, for kami's sake," Sakura shook her head. "Not Ayame-san! What was it anyway?" She peered into his garbage bin with distaste.

"...." Kakashi refused to be baited - finally catching a smothered, tell-tale giggle.

"Dumplings? You tried to bake dumplings?"

By now, the Jounin medic's laughter was bubbling out of her. Her green eyes glittered with glee - reminding Kakashi rather sharply of the young Genin whose love of Naruto's pranks had on rare occasions peeked out behind her worried eyes.

Now her merriment spilled out unrestrained - light, soothing and infectious. Kakashi could feel his eyes crinkle shut in a returning, unpredicted smile. Fifteen minutes later, when she left him to shop for some vegetables, he peered at himself rather cautiously in the mirror.

The smile had felt strange - as though his skin were being pulled in all the wrong places. More than strange, it felt unnatural. He wondered if he could ever produce laughter to rival Sakura.

_Probably not_, he thought morosely. _It's not like I was laughing all that much... before..._

_Before..._

His whole life seemed to be split in half.

_Or perhaps_, he thought rather erratically as he watched Sakura prepare his supper for him (yet again),_ in thirds_. _There was the Before and then the After... and then now..._

Kakashi wasn't sure what to call it.

He settled for "Second Chance".

-

When Sakura left, Kakashi felt the silence fall even more oppressively around him. Things didn't get better when Genma and Raido came around to ask him (rather fruitlessly) if he wanted to go out for a 'drink'. Kakashi, as usual, declined - quite sure what the 'drink' entailed...

Well... He wasn't sure what it meant - but Kakashi had a feeling that more uncomfortable looks - and questions - would come up if he suddenly showed up at the traditional Jounin drinking spots.

_And I still don't know what to say to them..._ He sighed. _I guess... Father... I am a coward after all..._

These kinds of thoughts were troubling and worrisome for the Copy Nin. For, there was a definite "ill" atmosphere about him. His friends (the ones who cared) made a point on visiting him (and asking him out) weekly. And yet, they had the dreadful habit of treating Kakashi as though he were an invalid or a senile old man -

_Which I am NOT_, a part of him stated rather heavily.

Or even worse, as if he had suffered some sort of head trauma. They spoke to him carefully and slowly as if he were deaf - or made of glass which would shatter at any moment. It was annoying and denigrating - and they often intruded during the most difficult moments of Kakashi's day-to-day life.

He could feel an internal clock ticking - the expectations of Naruto, Sasuke and his peers. Part of him enjoyed the relaxation of his "holiday" - as well as the pleasures of his new apartment. Naruto brought an awed Konohamaru over once to set up the game console Megumi's son had given him so long ago. That had been an exhausting afternoon, watching the two crazy Jounin young adults quarrel through each of the challenges they engaged in.

While Kakashi adjusted to the new life, his friends supported him at every turn - overwhelming him with their suffocating attentions.

_Except Sakura -_

She seemed to know when to come and when to stay away. The pink-haired medic didn't ask painfully probing questions - or leave sentences half finished with non-verbalized comments or suppositions. She seemed to be more interested in talking about life in general - discussing ordinary things. Her ideas came packaged in gentle suggestions. And she did not look at him with disappointment when he developed, over the weeks, a rather large sphere for his personal space. She wasn't miffed or freaked out when his nerves got the better of him either.

"What's up?" she asked one night, ignoring the shuriken which buried themselves a bare inch from her head - into the Jounin's wall.

"Nothing much," Kakashi shifted his stance, attempting nonchalance as she moved forward to set a cardboard box on the table and a highly decorated scroll.

"Ah."

There was no mention of the mild panic attack he had felt when the door opened. Kakashi preferred opening the door himself - even though the chakra signature was recognizable to him. Sakura, when not getting an immediate answer, had fiddled a little and let herself in. Just in time for the Copy Nin to scramble out of his bathroom ready to inflict damage on the intruder. She didn't press the subject, deciding to let the man have his privacy.

_He generally tells me anyways_, Sakura smiled to herself. _Kakashi just needs time._

"Just... uh..." Kakashi reached for the scroll. "Thought it was... well..."

"It's cool," Sakura shrugged. "I have those kinds of days once a month. 'Cept I'm more angry..."

"Ah..." He glanced at her with surprise at her frank admission, then smiled. "Naruto and Konohamaru came around today... again..."

Sakura's green eyes sharpened - knowing what that meant. Noise. Body hugs. Personal questions. Watchful blue eyes. And a sharp as steel desire to get the Copy Nin talking - because that was what Iruka-sensei said Kakashi needed the most. Naruto had the tenacity of Kakashi's nindogs - which was distressing for a personal person like the Copy Nin.

The medic frowned.

"Was he worse than usual?"

Kakashi's eye narrowed as he glanced at the box. It was suspicious. Sakura wasn't opening it yet either...

"Ah... Well... I'm still here..."

_And I need to get rid of that dreadful machine_, he sighed. _Maybe I should just give it to Naruto..._

"Okay. You tell me when he gets too much. He's an idiot, you know. Time isn't going to change that!" She laughed.

Kakashi smiled back again, cautiously. The scroll lay, as yet, unopened in his hand - but his attention seemed more focused on the box. Sakura grinned.

"I brought some cake," she said.

"For what?" he asked, puzzled.

"Just because I can."

"Oh."

"You don't like cake?" Her hands were pulling away the handles, opening up the box to reveal sumptuous cake inside with light white icing all over.

"Not as a rule... but it looks nice..." Kakashi eyed teh sliced fruit arranged artfully on top. "Are those strawberries..."

"Yep! And it's made fresh! So let's try it! With coffee or tea?"

"Better make it tea - it's rather late..."

"Right then... You cut the cake - I'll make the tea..."

"Oi... I can boil water, you know," Kakashi sweat-dropped. "You don't have to be in the kitchen every time you visit."

"It's fine." Sakura smiled. "I'm particular about tea. Now... let's get started on this!"

Kakashi remembered again, as he sat down to a delicious treat, what was so great about his "holiday". For a moment, there was no regrets.

-

"Hinata."

The heiress to the Hyuuga Clan paused in her walk as she passed her father's open study door. Pale eyes peered into the dim shadows, where her father sat stiffly, eyes slightly frowning as usual. Brows knit together in mild disapproval. At his nod, she entered and knelt before him, head tipped respectfully, waiting for him to broach the subject he obviously had on his mind. She wondered if he was unhappy with her training - or her current status among the Konoha shinobi. Despite the healing between the Main and Branch clans, Hyuuga-sama was still a strict father - and still failed to see Hinata's "uses".

"Something came to my attention recently..." He said softly, watching Hinata sharply.

The girl blushed - but then, she is always looking guilty, he thought, with a grunt.

"Something troubling..."

"Yes, Father?" she asked, her fingers nervously tapping against each other.

It pained him to see her reverting back to her spineless self. Neji had told him that inside her lay the fire of Konoha's Leaf - a quiet determination that was exemplary. Hiashi had looked at the young man with disbelief.

_Time will tell_, he had said finally - and with very obvious little faith that it would indeed happen.

"I was told that the young man better known as Uzumaki Naruto has been making advances toward you. Is this true?"

Hinata's face, already pink turned a bright red. She squeaked and nearly fainted on the spot - but after a few moments, she brought herself under control and nodded just a little.

"He has - has been very kind," she whispered. "I have -"

The young girl was mortified - to admit something she had not been yet able to admit to the one she loved. Face red, she struggled visibly with getting up the courage.

"I-I-I ha-have always se-se-seen...," she managed to get out. "Th-that is - I-I-I l-lo-look up to-to him! And admire him. Be-because he faces his future head on - and is true to his way of the ninja. He has helped me to be strong! And he sees me for who I really am - and - and - and who I want to be..." She ended rather incoherently.

Hiashi's eyes narrowed. It was surprising - her passion. She was standing up for the young boy. It was indeed troubling. How long it had been going on, he did not know. Hiashi was sure it would have gone on for some time before he would have found out - if Hanabi had not interfered. The Head of the Hyuuga clan knew he was not getting younger - and soon the decision to pass on the leadership would be made. Hanabi was his personal choice - but Hinata was technically the one who was destined to lead the Hyuuga clan for better or for ill.

It was unconscionable that such a boy should steal a Hyuuga's heart so easily. Part of Hiashi was repulsed by the mere thought - but another part of him understood what such an alliance would mean. Naruto's future as Hokage was more and more certain with each passing day. Although the Hyuuga had never aimed for full control of Konoha before, this chance to make a deep impact on the village was too great of a chance to pass up.

_And yet, if it was Hanabi, I could trust her to protect the interests of our clan... As for Hinata..._

He sighed.

_Complicated._

"I will want to talk to him. To discover his intentions," stated the old Head of the clan. "Uzumaki Naruto, famous though he is, must be held to any promises he may make in the future. He must not be allowed to sully your name - for your name is the future of our clan. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Father. I understand."

Hiashi wondered, as she rose and departed silently, more visibly worried than before, if she really did.

-

"And so now, I'm in a totally hard place," Naruto sighed, stretching back on Kakashi's sofa, looking up at the stars as they slowly came out in the velvety night. Beside him, Sasuke sat, nursing some sake in a contemplative fashion. "It's shitty - I mean, I've heard stories about in-laws from Shikamaru... but... this has to take the cake! At least - I mean - if you think about it... Gaara's cool and Kankuro - you can just ignore him... and Temari's parents are, well, dead... but... I mean... Hinata... her family is well... creepy, ya know?"

"Ah, well... that's the thing you're just going to have to live with," Sasuke shrugged. "Get over it. I'm sure you'll be fine - as long as you keep your mouth shut."

"What is Neji-kun's opinion on this?" asked Kakashi, with interest, glad that the conversation wasn't about HIS problems for a change.

"That's the good news," Naruto huffed. "He came to me right away and warned me - so when Hinata brought it up, it wasn't so painful for us both."

_Probably helped him understand much more clearly what was going on behind all the stuttering_, thought Kakashi and Sasuke privately, sharing a meaningful look.

"He says he's gonna talk to the Old Geezer, too."

"You might want to stop saying things like that, if you are serious about Hinata," Kakashi said. "Seriously. It could get you killed - "

"Or worse - kicked out of Hinata's life," interjected Sasuke, finishing his sake finally and refilling it again. "There are rules to this kind of thing."

"Rules?" asked Kakashi and Naruto at the same time.

Sasuke stared at both of the them and then, sighed, feeling that something very unpleasant was dumped in his lap. For a moment, he felt empathy for Shikamaru - whose sharp intelligence made living life among less smart people rather painful. It was obvious that before him were two men who had no experience in the art of healthy relationships.

_Not that I'm any better_, the Uchiha admitted morosely. _All I have done was listen to people, read up... and remember Father and Mother... And talk a lot to Lyra..._

"Yes." He sighed. "Rules. Like, trying to look good when you go to visit her at home. Compliment her mother on her cooking and clothes and home decor and stuff like that when you visit."

"So you have to eat at her house?" Naruto asked in horror, trying to imagine what it would be like to sit down at a table filled with pale-eyed people who could see through you at a moment's notice.

"Of course. It's going to come up at some time," patiently replied Sasuke.

"How do you get invited?" Kakashi interjected, wondering what the dinner table at the Haruno household was like.

"She has to ask you. But only when you are very serious."

"So you ask her father that very day?" Naruto's blue eyes were wide with worry - as reality began to settle in, ruining the hazy of comfort which sake always produces.

"Well... no... but after a few months or so - of visiting - if you and her decide to go through with it - yes. Then you have to discuss things with the father... I have a whole book on it, if you want to know the details..."

"I don't know if I want to do something like reading... it'd be like homework!" Naruto whined.

"Naruto..." Kakashi said, very seriously, leaning forward - his serious eyes caused the boys to pay attention as the older man gazed at them. "You have been giving signs to Hinata-chan, right? You have been talking, right? In her heart, maybe, there are strong feelings - stronger feelings than you think. If you don't feel up to it, you better break it off now - before her heart is completely broken. These kinds of things... you just..."

_Kind eyes - a brilliant smile - a soothing hand brushing back his sweaty grey hair -_

_"It's almost done, Kakashi..."_

_She had cared so much - loved so much - and he had never noticed..._

"You talk about your way of the Ninja, Naruto," Kakashi said after a moment, realizing that his sudden memory of Rin had caused him to pause rather awkwardly in the middle of a sentence. "This also applies to it. Matters of the heart also need commitment to the promises you make. If you really care about Hinata-chan - all these matters - the visiting and the eating and the details - and the homework - will be worth it.... is what I think..." He ended, feeling rather lame.

Naruto and Sasuke nodded, eyes solemn as they realized the truth of their sensei's words. It was there in the darkness that Naruto's resolve firmed and Sasuke decided to find Lyra right away and be a little more clear about what he wanted for their future... together....

Not until they were back home in their respective beds did the boys realize that Kakashi had spoken something to them - from his heart... and it had been as if the Kakashi-from-before had returned for a moment.

Naruto smiled.

It would be alright.

-

"So... are you going to go?" Sakura asked a few nights later as she sat down to supper with Kakashi. " - To the wedding, I mean."

"Ah. You mean the invitation?" Kakashi nodded, wondering if he could stall this conversation any further. "I didn't think those things could get so long... and we have to reply soon..."

"Yes... well... I was wanting to know if you were going..."

"Ah... well..." Kakashi looked to the side, furtively. "I'm not sure... Kotetsu-kun wasn't really in my year... It would feel odd, wouldn't it?"

"Hmmm... well... I was just wondering..." Sakura shrugged, poking at her food with a sudden sigh.

Kakashi's eyes sharpened, noticing that the medic nin's shoulders had slumped just a little.

"Are you going?"

"Perhaps... but I'd like to go with a partner... so I was thinking if you were going to go, we could just go as a pair..."

"You'd like to go to a wedding with me?" Kakashi asked, finger pointing at himself, as if to double-check that it was the same man they were talking about.

"Uh. Well... only if you wanted to go..."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why me?"

"Why not you?"

"Well," Kakashi thought for a moment, and then blushed a little under his mask. "I was just... surprised you had no one ready on hand. A young person like you..." He trailed off.

"Hmmm... You could say my tastes are rather... high..." The medic smiled.

"They are?"

"Mhm. And plus, younger boys are always just trying to get into my pants..."

"They are?"

"Yeah...." The young woman sighed. "And they are very immature and never take life seriously - thinking that I'm going to be impressed by looks, or jutsu or family names or something like that..."

"You aren't?" Kakashi asked, feeling like a parrot or some sort of inane idiot who was totally uncool.

"Of course not! Tsunade-sama... you... Naruto... Lee... you all taught me that important lesson... that looks, pasts, names and abilities don't matter... You know," Here, she winked. "Looking underneath the underneath."

"Ah... That does sound familiar."

"A wise man once told me that," Sakura said softly, smiling across the small table at Kakashi.

"Hahaha... really? That-that's..."

Not for the first time in his life (and probably not for the last time, either), Hatake Kakashi felt truly at a loss. A part of him wanted to turn as red as a tomato at the fact that a young kunoichi looked up to him. A part of him wanted to run away from the invitation that seemed to simmer in her green eyes. And another part of him awoke - struggling like a pale seedling to the surface - ready to flower.

Kakashi was reminded of his desires.

"I would... like to share a dance with you," he replied, huskily - wondering if there was going to BE a dance at Kotetsu's wedding.

"I'll be sure to stay free," she smiled and squeezed his hand.

That night, he stared at his long pale fingers, imagining her fingers intertwined with his. It was new and exciting - like smiling - and terrifying. His heart went pit-a-pat at the thought of the beautiful, strong kunoichi.

It felt too good to be true.

-

The wedding was now in full spring. After the "dull rituals" as Kotetsu liked to call them, the large wedding party (basically half of Konoha's shinobi - the one's not on duty) adjourned to the large hall. There, food, brought by various helping hands, was served around and everyone dug in with great vim.

"Listening to all that garble is pretty exhausting," Shikamaru sighed. "Just thinking about our wedding... coming up by the end of this year... it's rather hard to imagine... I don't suppose we can cut all that troublesome stuff out... eh, Temari?"

"Of course not," Temari smiled. "If we are going to start off on the right foot, the first things we need to do is make sure that we do it properly - rituals and all."

"But you seriously don't believe all that stuff about kami and family ghosts and stuff, right?" Kiba asked, snorting a little. "I mean... not seriously..."

"It's not ghosts, lame-brain," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Spirits."

"Ghosts. Spirits. Same difference," shrugged the Kiba heir.

"Uh. There's a difference," Shikamaru said. "But it's too troublesome to explain it all..."

"They are watching over us," Shino intoned mysteriously. "Honor given to the dead is honor given to the past, present and even - our future..."

"Ghosts and spirits are h-h-he-here?" Naruto squawked, suddenly clutching his chopsticks with one hand tightly and Hinata's hand in his other.

"N-n-na-naruto-kun!" gasped the young woman, trying to pry his hard fingers off her slowly reddening ones. "Ouch!"

"WAAAHHH! Hinata-chan! I'm so sorry!" Naruto wailed, forgetting spirits, thankfully. "Are you gonna be okay?!?"

"Oi... You're a disturbance!" Sakura turned around to whack her teammate on the head, nearly breaking the table in half. "Shut the hell up!"

Kakashi and the rest of the boys cringed at the sight of her scary clenched fist - and equally scary expression.

"Hai, hai!" Naruto rubbed the swelling now protruding from his head.

"If you think the spirit rituals are troublesome, wait until you get to the dancing," Izumo said glumly as he passed by. "Every girl is going to want to get some action tonight."

"He makes that sound perverted..." Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

"I hope you aren't going to s-suh-sneak out of it..." coughed Lyra, twitching her long brown hair over her shoulder. "I'll *cough* kick your ass..."

Everyone laughed as Sasuke's face whitened.

-

"Well?" she asked as she guided her ex-sensei across the floor.

_Better not think of him as Sensei_, she told herself firmly. _He's just Kakashi now. That's all he needs to be. Besides... it's not like he's my teacher anymore anyways... hasn't been for years, really..._

"It's... okay..." Kakashi's eyes roved over the crowd - keeping an eye out on the doorway - as well as on all the possible exits he had found during the seating process. "Not bad... or not as bad as I thought it would be..."

"See... I'm right... it was fun."

"Ah. Yes. Well... from a certain point of view perhaps..."

"You just don't want to admit it..."

He didn't answered, merely enjoyed the feel of her in his arms. It was too good to be true. For so long, Kakashi had wondered what it would like to step into the light with the rest of Konoha around him... This moment was like a dream. Like one of those dreams he had had which seemed so real... It scared him this - feeling of contentment... because...

_It can't be real... but I couldn't have been so stupid as to place a genjutsu on myself... could I? The him-that-was-before wouldn't do something so stupid like that - would he? Or is this someone else's work? Maybe... I haven't left the hospital... or - or -_

His fingers tightened painfully around Sakura's as his slow trip around the floor came to a halt - his eyes trained at his feet with horror as a new idea percolated.

_Or maybe I never left the dungeon._

It was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat. Sakura felt his body tense - and without a word, she dragged Kakashi out of the hall. The last thing people needed to see was the great Copy Nin have a psychotic breakdown on a wedding dance floor. Before he knew it, Kakashi found himself hustled outside and around the corner of the building. The cool wind of the late evening drew him slowly out of his daze - as did the warm hands that ran up and down his exposed arms. And the soft voice singing something... a soothing lullaby...

It reminded him of his mother...

And like a lost child, Kakashi leaned forward and buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent - the light shampoo mixing sweetly with a flower perfume. And there was worry there and fear as well... He trembled under touch - until, slowly, his chaotic whirl of thoughts partially settled.

"Is this real?" he whispered, desperately wanting to know the truth in an uncertain moment.

Sakura, although she wanted to reply with the pat answer 'Yes', couldn't reply. Eyes glimmering with tears, she leaned upward and kissed him.

-

He wasn't allowed to see Kakashi. Or talk to him. Or follow him. Or visit his home. Or drink with him. Or console him. Or kiss him.

Makoto and Ichiro kept an eye out on him. His superior, a tall man with a forbidding crane mask, had given him strict restrictions concerning the permanently retired ANBU Hatake Kakashi. Even Ibiki and Tsunade had sat him down for a long talk about appropriate work relationships.

He had sat there and listened through the whole away and politely answered them and mentally told them to fuck off. Because, deep down, he firmly believed, no matter who said what, that Hatake Kakashi was the one...

The only one who could understand him.

_And I am the only one who can understand you, Kakashi_, he said. _I am the only one who knows what you fear most deeply - whom you can rely upon to prove your existence and your reality with pain..._

So against orders, he watched the Copy Nin. He watched the medic slut twine her young arms around his mate's neck and kiss those familiar pale lips passionately. The fact that Kakashi responded was immaterial.

Only the truth was found in him.

-

"Sending Kakashi away in one direction and ANBU Bear in the other seems to be the only option," sighed Tsunade. "Unless we can execute a man for sexual harassment..."

"Or stalking..." Jiraiya murmured, shivering.

"Or peeping..." added Tsunade dryly. Her eyebrows knitted together. "Iruka-sensei says it must stop - and soon. The poor man is a bundle of nerves. He nearly had a psychotic episode at Kotetsu-kun's wedding... his grasp on reality is tenuous at best..."

"I thought he was well enough to leave the hospital..." Jiraiya's eyebrows quirked upwards.

"Well... physically well enough," Tsunade repeated. "Mentally... that's a whole different thing. But we have people checking in on him... Sakura mostly - since he's most comfortable with her."

"That's okay?"

"It's going to have to be."

"Seriously?"

"Well... She's into him," Tsunade admitted. "It's a dangerous combination. I'm worried that Sakura is biting off more than she can chew. On the other hand..."

"She is a kunoichi of great caliber and has held a torch for him - for quite some time, perhaps," Jiraiya said thoughtfully. "I'm sure that they would have made a great pair..."

"And they will... given time..." Tsunade said firmly. "If it's going to happen... I want it to happen right. They need time and space..."

"Space, huh?" Jiraiya repeated thoughtfully. "You might have a point. I think Kakashi is going stir crazy. That and people have a habit of knocking on his door alot. He's getting more attention than he's used to in his whole life - forget his recent years... Give'em a B-rank mission. I don't know... get them to patrol some border or something. Nothing like fresh air..."

Tsunade blinked, nodded and then smiled slowly.

"That's actually... a good idea..." She admitted grudgingly. "Not bad... I didn't think you had it in you..."

"I'm full of surprises!" winked the old Sannin.

"Hmmm... I just think you like to remind me why I keep you around."

The two Sannin grinned at each other. Tsunade shuffled some papers.

"I'll call Shizune. We'll get Team 7 out on the road in three days."

-

"So it didn't go as badly as you thought, huh," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You did your homework?"

"Well, Sai helped, actually."

There was a dead silence for a moment and then everyone stopped dead in the middle of the road they were walking down and turned back to Naruto with disbelief. The blond blinked back.

"What?"

"You went to SAI?" Sakura repeated. "For real?"

"Uh... yeah..."

"And? What did he say?"

"He talked with me... about a book he read. He got it from you, Sasuke. You know, the one you told me to read... I got Sai to talk about it instead... I'm not good with flipping pages, you know."

"So it turned out okay," prompted Kakashi, knowing that Sasuke was dying of curiosity - but was still too snotty to admit it.

"Well... Okay might be stretching it. But we somehow reached an agreement."

"Like what?" Sakura asked, having an image of Naruto switching his name to Hyuuga.

"That we call our dates 'courtship' and, uh... make it seem more formal and stuff. I think he's got some sort of weird idea about what dating entails.... Like... it's a use-'em-lose-'em game... or something... like I'd use Hinata-chan like that!!!" The blond pouted, clearly affronted at such an assumption - he stomped past the trio. "I don't like remembering that part. His eyes got really scary... kinda like Tenzou-sensei..."

Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura followed Naruto down the road, trying to imagine Sai giving Naruto workable dating tips which would eventually win the Hyuuga heart over to some measure. Several minutes of passing green trees and lush hills went by before either one tried to attempt another conversation.

"But then, it's no surprise," Naruto shrugged. "Last I hear, Sai has been laying it on thick with Hanabi... you know the whole "freak-eyes", "midget-girl" stuff..." He snickered. "She's pissed... and you know... I think she kinda likes it..."

"She has strange tastes..." Sasuke muttered, remembering the uncomfortable feeling he always got when the young girl laid eyes on him.

"I wonder who will win..." Sakura wondered aloud, her eyes became sly as she added: "And I wonder who else will get more serious about their relationship, huh?"

Naruto sniggered at the suddenly quickened pace of Sasuke as Uchiha tried to ignore Sakura's insinuations.

Team 7 is in a great mood, Naruto thought, as he watched Kakashi and Sakura talk about the amount of weddings coming up, beginning with Shikamaru and Temari. I'm glad Granma Tsunade gave us a mission like this. Maybe everyone in Konoha was making Kakashi-sensei uncomfortable....

"So with all this bustle... what you are going to do, Sakura?" asked Kakashi, his single eye watching the young woman carefully - as he remembered the kiss they had shared several days before.

"I'm going to wait," was her serene reply. "I have been waiting all this time - I can wait even longer."

"What if it's longer than you think?" he asked, his voice soft and troubled at the thought of her living a lonely life.

"I will always be waiting. Because," she smiled up at him, hope in her eyes. "It'll be worth it. I can just feel it!"

He smiled back - the clock of Konoha's expectations falling silent as the two of them walked toward a time of pleasant promises.

-

**Read and review!**


	36. Crossroads

Thanks to EvilBlanket, Dancers and Pharaohs, Slinkymilinky, tcl7189, Kagomaru, Chris's girl 14, roxnroll, riversan, Chaerring Trinity, inu-babygirl, ninjakitty, currently not logged in, Kokis, pangasius, Sanity through Madness, Prescripto13, tokiya, MazokuTenshi, Dancercuity922, Kakashifangirlnumber1000, Rashaka!!!

I appreciate your kind words, criticism and fangurling! It's great to know that people are still reading this, finding this... recommending this!!!

**Read and review!!**

* * *

Gentle Lesson

Chap 36: Crossroads of Time

_It is about choice_, someone told him once. _You choose to live – and that is why we can be called survivors. It fuels our drive – our need to draw breath. In those darkest moments, when that kind of eternal sleep threatens to drown you – you claw to the surface for one more moment of life._

Kakashi attempted to still his shaking hands, closed his mouth – refusing to breakdown and beg and curled up against the stone wall. Shutting his eyes against the dark, he attempted to find that place inside him which he had prepared so long ago for solace. A place of nothingness. A place of emptiness.

He searched through the darkness – but it seemed to be eluding him. Kakashi wondered how it came to this. _What was the genesis? Earlier that week? Or those many months – years – before when he rejoined ANBU? Did it begin when he received the B-rank mission – or before when his mask had been lifted by the rough fingers of ANBU Bear?_

It was so hard to say...

_Had the choice really been his?_

In the darkness, there were no answers.

**Earlier:**

When Team 7 received Tsunade's carefully prepared mission, the reaction was rather mixed. Sasuke, as usual, coolly looked on, but he also sighed with a little disappointment. Sakura was at once relieved about the B rank and a little nervous. Naruto tried to keep a good face on it until he found out the details of the mission – a reconnaisance of the Fire Country's northern border.

"WHHHAAATTT THE HELLLL!!!" The blonde-haired Jounin tossed the scroll on the floor. "This is some shitty mission! What do we look like? Babies? Sasuke, tell them!"

"NARUTO!" Sakura suddenly loomed up on Naruto's horizon threateningly, her large fists shaking. "Shut the hell up and listen to the Hokage!"

"Idiot – you're making a bigger scene with your yelling..." Sasuke sniffed, obviously miffed by the fact Team 7 was still sounding juvenile.

Kakashi, standing behind his ex-students, suddenly felt rather old. They were no longer short and whiny kids who freaked out at the smallest things. No.

_They have grown with age – and not just with experience but... heightwise, too..._ mused Kakashi, realizing that his eyes were now level with Sasuke and Naruto. _And Sakura might not be the tallest... but..._

He watched the pink-haired kunoichi drag Naruto away to give him "a talk".

_Quite strong. Yes..._

Bending down quietly, he picked up the scroll, aware of so many eyes watching his back. Trying to analyze his reactions – trying to guess what he'd think -

More than ever, Kakashi was glad for his mask. It hid his own ambivalence about the whole affair. Part of him was relieved about leaving the suffocating tenderness that was Konoha – and part of his pride felt injured that Tsunade had so little faith in her nin.

_Ah well... It's just good that we'll be far away from here in a day or so. I was seriously starting to get.._.

He cocked his head thoughtfully trying to put a mood to it

_Annoyed? Frustrated? Angry? _

_No... None of those seem to fit... Well, it's not like I'm the master at defining an emotion..._

Somehow the word "emotion" made him feel uncomfortable as well. It brought back memories of Rin, Sensei – Minato-Sensei... the Sandaime...

His Father.

So, Kakashi stood there, unmoved by Sasuke and pocketed the mission scroll without a word and turned away, hand waving gentle good-bye to the room in a nonchalant matter. As if Sasuke wasn't sulking. As if Sakura shrieking angrily as she pulled Naruto out room by his feet.

_Ah yes. Team 7. How could I have forgotten._

Two days later, Team 7 had finally settled down with a workable routine. Sasuke and Naruto, the more energetic bunch, took point while Sakura and Kakashi carried the larger packs. The Copy Nin didn't complain about his status as pack horse – too much – but he still wondered – often out loud – what kinds of things Naruto had taken along with him on the trip. Sakura's snorts and laughter in response to his insane guesses buoyed his flagging spirits.

"I swear – it feels like books. You don't think he's into porn romances do you?" Kakashi mused. "Ahhh... Perhaps I have passed on a better gift than jutsus to my students... an appreciation of literary art –"

The Copy Nin jolted forward almost losing his balance thanks to a rather powerful slap to the back of his head – curtesy of Sakura.

"Ehhh..." He winced in her general direction when he righted himself. "So harsh. So cold. And to a patient too!"

"Patient my ass," Sakura huffed, glaring back. "Pervert!"

But there was laughter in her eyes and he smiled back.

* * *

"Have you ever had the feeling that you are being watched?" Naruto asked later on that night as the four huddled around a fire, which had been conveniently created by Sasuke's Katon no Jutsu.

"Mission nerves again?" Sasuke snorted. "But then, why are we surprised?"

"My jumpiness has saved us before -"

"Huh... and harmed countless animals -"

"What? Since when do I hurt animals?"

"The rabbit back on that first mission we had with Zabuza -"

"That's only one animal that can hardly be called "countless" now -"

"BOYS!!!"

Sakura's yell rocked the forest. Kakashi sighed.

_Somethings never change, I guess._

"Now, now, Sakura," Kakashi raised his hands placatingly. "Let's just all calm down... Naruto, stop arguing with Sasuke. It's seriously getting old..."

"Sensei... she's scary!" Naruto whined.

Sasuke mumbled something that sounded alot like "grow up" - but no one found out for sure because for a moment they all tensed as a faint tingling washed over them. A sense of chakra – which disappeared just as quickly as it came.

"See?" Naruto stiffened, grabbing hold of his kunai. "I told you so!"

"Hmmm... This mission had better not get any more complicated," Sakura growled. "I swear – it's like Team 7 has a mission curse! Like something is out to get us!"

Sasuke sighed and then massaged his temples, wishing he was anywhere but there.

"Really, Naruto," he rolled his eyes. "It could just be some nins passing by on another mission. Who knows who it could have been? It was small enough to be even a civilian..."

Kakashi nodded in agreement.

"Sasuke is right," the Copy Nin said quietly. "If it is malevolent and out to get us – then we will know by morning either way. Let's set watch – Sakura will take first watch, I'll take second watch, Naruto take third and Sasuke, fourth. Right then, to sleep!"

Everyone settled down quickly, recognizing the no-nonsense behind Kakashi's tone as the immediate signal. Now was not the time to be playing around – malevolent or no – the warning was sufficient. They were professionals on a battlefield and it was Team 7's mission that was at stake – no matter the ranking. Without further ado, Naruto completed a few breathing exercises before falling asleep. Sasuke followed suit.

For awhile Sakura watched the fire, stood up and walked around a bit setting up some basic barriers and traps. After completing a set of stretches and exercises, she sat back down on her log of choice and watched her three boys – as she liked to think of them now. Naruto was flat out on his back, stretched out and totally defenceless. Sasuke lay peacefully on his side, legs bent a little, hand ready on a kunai.

And Kakashi...

There, her eyes lingered, noticing how the Copy Nin had curled up, facing the fire, a kunai stuck in the ground near his head ready for use at any time. The grey hair was groomed and clean (for the most part) and the face beneath it – relaxed and a little fuller. Kakashi had regained his healthier weight from the early days... It relieved the medic to know that he was doing well.

But the dark eye that impassively stared at the fire – the flames swallowed up in the dark depths of that eye. There was no reflection in the empty stare – just a patient kind of suffering. It bothered her – once again, she wanted to reach out and cradle the nin -

Her face suffused with red and she jerked away to stare at the fire, knowing that now was definitely NOT the time or place to start coming onto the Copy Nin. Instead, she peeked at him again, as he lay there motionlessly.

"You aren't sleeping," Sakura whispered softly, feeling rather idiotic for stating the obvious.

Kakashi shifted.

"It's been harder lately," he admitted after a moment. "The dark isn't so kind. And the memories..."

"They will surface more and more often as your mind begins to reorganize itself," Sakura explained. "It's going to get worse before it gets better, I am afraid. You have come a long way – but it will be......"

Sakura hesitated.

"..... awhile...."

There was nothing said – but an air of doubt hung in the air. Kakashi grimaced. "Never" seemed more like reality. But he said nothing, feeling that Sakura's optomism was perhaps the most fortunate thing yet that had happened to him.

"... before you'll be back to the old you," Sakura ended rather hurriedly.

Kakashi nodded non-commitantly and sighed. Therein lay another depressing problem.

_What did the "old you" look like?_

* * *

On the third day, while settling down for the third evening camp out (which always included some songs by the two boys followed by arguing followed by a Sakura-styled smack-down followed by Kakashi-styled interventions), a mist crept in – cold and dark and generally uncomfortable. Kakashi had brought along two blankets ("for in case" he had said) – and they took turns huddling under the warm wool as each sat for their watch. Naruto, on the final watch as always, found himself more sleepy than usual.

Sasuke, bundled up in the smaller blanket, had fallen asleep right away, but Kakashi and Sakura suddenly found it rather embarassing to cuddle together under the second one. Kakashi suddenly felt all arms and all feet as Sakura finally seated herself between his legs, pressing her warm back up against his chest. By the minute, he felt himself grow steadily hotter – and become even more electrified by her close presence. But she said nothing – and he couldn't find any words to show how uncomfortable (or comfortable) he was getting by the minute.

Still, underneath the exhileration, Kakashi felt even more depressed. He didn't know what to think – but he knew that he felt regret. No matter what Rin had said – no matter what Sakura told him every day, Kakashi felt sorrow over days long gone and opportunities lost. There was no way he could go back and change his choices. He was who he had become – a loner, a social misfit – and someone who would find it hard to become intimate with another human being again.

Kakashi sat there, arms lightly wrapped around his favourite kunoichi. And felt alone.

* * *

The silences weighed him down like heavy stones dragging down a drowning man. It was so cold where he was – alone – abandoned – and left to stand out in the cold – to watch as the one he loved cradled the one he hated. Part of him howled with the madness of defeat and loneliness – and part of him wanted to run out and grab the Copy Nin and take him for his own. But another part of him understood the risks. After all, the pink-haired medic was not alone. There was also the Uchiha and the Jinchuuriki to think about. So, instead, he sat and brooded and then, after a moment, chose the best option.

_It would be quiet. It would be silent. It would be deadly – like him._

Soon he would be reunited.

Yukio would never have to be alone again.

* * *

The mist crept over the rolling hills, drifting through the trees, twining around the vegetation and settling cold misty fingers over the land. It hung there, resistant to the pull of the wind, blanketing everything in a cold greyness. As Kakashi clung to Sakura, drifting off to sleep, it seemed to him that there was a whisper of something in the air...

The last thing he saw was Naruto's red and black jacket silhoetted against the small campfire.

Naruto opened his eyes hazily and blinked. Everything was a smear of grey, green and... black... and pink? The black and the pink faded in – out – and then focused slowly until the grey and green sharpened into a rather dirty sky fronted by the green leaves of the trees above him. And then, the pink and the black made more sense – Sasuke's sharp face – pulled in an even deeper frown that usual – his dark hair wildly messed.

"What's wrong?" croaked Naruto. "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"No," was Sasuke's sharp reply. "Just the fact that an idiot fell asleep on his watch -"

"SHIT!" Naruto bolted upright.

"- and Sensei is gone," Sasuke added.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!" Naruto jumped to his feet, his head turning this way and that as he looked left and then right – as if expecting Kakashi to jump out of the greenery laughing at them.

But he didn't. Instead, Sakura appeared back inside their forest camp circle, looking even more upset than usual. The boys said nothing – knowing how she must feel. It wasn't too hard to guess how much the pink-haired kunoichi loved the Copy Nin. Naruto shrank under the medic's glare and sighed.

"Listen, Sakura – I'm sorry – I don't know what happened – I just fell asleep and..."

"The mist is gone."

"Sorry -" Naruto blinked.

"She's right," Sasuke sniffed the air, watchfully. "It was the mist."

"Wha-"

"Clueless as always," sighed Sasuke.  
"Sasuke," Sakura waved her hand. "Let's focus. How're we going to find him? We took the trackers off of him – didn't we?"

"Well, if the kidnapper – can we call it that? A kidnapping?"

"He wouldn't leave us like this," Sakura glared at Sasuke. "How can you say that?"

"Yeah," Naruto nodded. "Kakashi-sensei is strange and stuff – but he doesn't pull stunts like that on a mission. He's been kidnapped alright!"

"Well," Sasuke sighed, hoping that his teammates were right. "Anyways, if the kidnapper had any smarts, he'd have done a check and neutralized anything we put on him anyways. No. We are going to have to think this through. Like – getting an idea of where we are exactly. Did we figure that out last night? Do we have the map – or is it with Kakashi-sensei?"

"I got it," Naruto said, tugging out a rather squashed wad of paper which turned out to be their map. "I thought I'd do a bit of pre-planning..."

"Pre-planning – isn't that something -"

"Shut up," Sakura cut off Sasuke's jibe rather sharply. "This is no time for joking around -"

"Blah blah blah," Naruto rolled his eyes. "Anyways, take a look – if we are where I think we are -"

"Which is something I doubt," Sasuke added, dismissively ignoring Sakura's glare.

"Then, we are really in the middle of nowhere."

"But Kakashi can't disappear into nowhere."

"Apparently, he did," Sasuke murmured. "Unless... what are those?"

"Outpost stations, I should imagine," Sakura blinked. "You know, holding supplies and such for emergencies."

"So any nin would naturally go for those kinds of locations?"

"And work outwards from there, yes. Perhaps."

"It's a long shot," Naruto said thoughtfully. "But Sasuke is right... let's try it out... We can get to the first outpost in five hours..."

"Naruto – send one of your summons to Tsunade," Sakura nodded decisively. "She needs to know about this fiasco right away."

Naruto nodded and began to work on a note to Tsunade. While the blonde-haired Jounin worked on his summons, Sakura and Sasuke set about packing up the camp. Quickly the fire was doused and the remaining packs were split up between the three Jounin. In each burned a fire of resolution. Kakashi had been taken away from them before.

This time, they were going to go all out to get him back.

* * *

When Kakashi opened his eyes, there was nothing but dark. Immediately, his muscles flexed as he attempted to rise. But long rope-like strands held him down to the cold surface – forcing his stare upward into what wasn't the night.

He knew what the night looked like after all. Alone, Kakashi had spent many nights under the stars and the clouds of night. It was peaceful sometimes. Lonely most times. Terrifying now.

Gasping, he attempted to free himself. And failed. Kakashi wildly looked around – there was nothing but pitch-black everywhere. Shutting his eyes helped little. The nin focussed on his breathing instead.

_In. Out. In. Out._

He tried to imagine Sakura and her bright voice – but the dark called to him. From the inside as well as out. Like a black hole, it swirled around, sucking out memory and comfort. Leaving only pain and fear. Betrayal, shame and depression.

_In. Out...._

_I cannot panic_, he told himself. _I am Hatake Kakashi, son of White Fang. I am the Copy Nin. I am ANBU Wolf. _

He wondered who it was who had trapped him – or perhaps it was the Other. The last tormentor. Kakashi's deepest fear welled up – it had all been a dream. And now, he was called out from it – and the pain would begin again – and again – No!

"Let me out!" he called, his voice rough with panic.

"No," was the whispered response through the dark. Low, quiet and heavy with threat. "You're with me now..."

Fingers – seeming both icy and firey – coasted along Kakashi's face.

His mask was gone! Although there was a bandage over his Sharingan. Kakashi thrashed even more, as realized that he was going nowhere.

"Please -"

"It will be alright," was the soothing reply. "You are here with me now. I'm going to take care of you!"

Kakashi couldn't respond – he clenched his eyes shut and buried himself in the inner warm darkness of his soul. He would find that place he found shelter in. He would find it – the dream he had loved so much.

_Sakura._

"Sakura."

At the sound of the kunoichi's name, Yukio's fingers recoiled from his lover's lips as though the words breathed on air had burnt his skin. It hung in the cold darkness like a firey reminder of all that Yukio was not. What he lacked. What he could never give.

The dark ANBU thought of the girl's green eyes – as alive as the leaves of trees. Pink hair that swirled attractively around a pale face. A large smile that began in the eyes and ended in full lips. And he had seen care and a desire to nurture. Sakura didn't take Kakashi away from the light and bury him under the earth.

_No ropes bound the Copy Nin to the girl. Only words and actions of love._

In the dark, holding the thing he wanted the most, ANBU Bear felt the incompletion that was himself. He had thought Kakashi's absence had been the problem.

_But... It wasn't the loss of Kakashi after all_, he mused with a bitter laugh. _It was the loss of me. Myself. Us. My self that had something to offer. It was me. I lost myself – otherwise, how could I not be happy with the one thing I wanted the most. He is here – but there is no joy because... I am not here... I can never be here with him..._

It seemed so ludicrous. All that planning. All that anger. All that following and searching and stealing and hiding.... All for nothing...

_All for nothing..._

_No. _

Yukio smiled into the dark.

_Not all for nothing. If I can't have him, he can't have anyone. We are, after all, together in this..._

Twining his fingers with Kakashi's, Yukio smiled.

_We will take that road together._

Forming the seals, Yukio whispered the jutsu he had thought over so long. Like this, he would die, and Kakashi would eventually follow, his chakra bleeding into the walls of the very thing that trapped him.

Yukio's eyes darkened as the seal took effect.

They would be together forever.

_As it should be._

* * *

Read and review!


	37. The Roads Not Taken

_Dear folks. Sorry for the wait. Life is just crazy – and I've not been keeping up with Naruto as I would have liked. It doesn't help that I have gotten sucked into the Star Trek fandom._

_Ah well. Thanks for keeping with this super long, super sprawling, super beginner fanfic. I've grown as a person as I have written this over the past 2 years. It evolves and grows just as I have. Now, as I look back at the first chapters, I wince._

_Who knows. Perhaps my next fic for this pairing (if I ever continue with this fandom) will fair better._

**

* * *

Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake**

**Chapter 37: The Road Not Taken**

"_... it's not the same without you,_

_because it takes two to whisper quietly..."_

Owl City

"Sakura," Naruto murmured, as he glanced at the tense face of the medic kunoichi. The pink-haired girl had taken lead, her chakra boosting her farther and faster among the tree branches as they travelled quickly over the ground. ".... Sakura..."

Even more than before, he realized the bonds which had grown over the years. While Sasuke and he had disappeared for training with the other Sannin, Sakura had remained and waited and blossomed into the fierce kunoichi who could more than hold her own. And their Sensei...

_He too had grown. _

Sasuke kept his own opinions to himself, but he easily kept up with the hard pace of his teammates. Between Kakashi and he, there lay many words, many understandings – and many memories. Long ago, it seemed, Kakashi had told him that emotions and bonds would eventually destroy his balance as a nin.

_A shinobi's emotions must be tightly reined in_, Sasuke mused. _He told me so – and behind his eyes, there were many painful memories – Obito-san... all the friends he has lost over the years. He had said he could understand. They were all dead. But now, it's different... now... surely..._

Here, the Uchiha glanced at Sakura.

_Now surely, there's something worth living for._

* * *

Kakashi, once upon a time, had scoffed at the idea that beyond death lay something. Deep down inside, however, sometimes, in a philosophical mood, he would wonder. On those rare moments, he allowed himself to remember his parents and his unborn sibling... he would hope.

Many times, he had succumbed to the darkness of unconsciousness, expecting to meet a silent death. A non-existence so tempting for the battle-fatigued mind. And yet, eventually, there was that moment of realization – a warmth, a coldness, a light, a quick breath – and pain.

It was the hospital room again with all the sensations of helplessness, heavy weighted limbs and bone-deep fatigue. Yet another escape from death.

"_You're so lucky," Genma would say enviously. "It's like there was a star hanging over you on your birth."_

"_He could have been blessed by some wise woman," put in Raido sensibly._

"_Or his name is lucky."_

"_I KNEW MY RIVAL WAS JUST TOO HIP! BUT I WILL EXERCISE MY -"_

"_You can't exercise luck -" Ebisu rolled his eyes._

"_Tho' if a person could, it would be him," Asuma laughed, his cigarette twitching. "Eh, Kurenai?"_

"_Hmmm..."_

But that was then. This was now. And he lay there in the darkness, falling into the darkness – feeling sluggish and tired as the chakra within him flowed steadily outwards into the very barrier which imprisoned him. This time, he would not waken to the hospital room. For once, without restrictions, he would find out the answer to that question for himself.

Still... there was that voice. That voice - _those voices_ - which had drawn him back so many times before. There was regret as well, leaving so soon after finding something worthwhile to fight for. There was the hope which he had thought he had found in Sakura's eyes...

_Sakura..._

He sighed.

_I'm sorry..._

* * *

He was walking through the night. It was a dark oppressive thing – not light and airy. Without wind, without the rustle of the trees and the soft glow of the stars. No moon shone down, nor was there any sound.

It was nothingness.

As he had feared.

But then, up ahead, he saw it – a gentle light flickering. It was a familiar sight – and rather startling at that. It was a fire, sparking and crackling in the darkness – feeding off of several expertly arranged pieces of wood. Warm and red, it cast light on his face – but behind him spread no shadows. Those were eaten by the nothingness.

Around the fire, logs were spread. And to the right, here, Kakashi paused. It was his father, seated there, elbows propped up on his knees. Relaxed and obviously musing on a matter, Hatake Sakumo was poking at the small blaze with a long stick, watching the end slowly catch fire and glow at the end with the fiery embers.

Without words, Kakashi found himself drawing closer to the man he hated for so long, then learned to understand painfully – over time. The Copy Nin took a seat and glanced at his father, suddenly unsure of what to say. How to say it.

The time for questions and accusations had long been over – now, Kakashi realized, uneasily, it was his father's turn. And how could he face him? He had failed, after all.

"Yo," he finally murmured, feeling rather inadequate.

"Kakashi," his father's warm voice drew Kakashi a little closer. "Long time no see."

"Yeah..."

"You've been busy since the last time we met?"

"In some ways," Kakashi hesitated. "In others... no..."

"Hm."

A pause. Sakumo poked at a few more embers.

"You are feeling ashamed," the older man said. "You shouldn't."

"I've made some bad choices," Kakashi sighed with the admission. His lackadaisical expression behind the mask made his father's lips twitch upward with a grin.

_Just like my little boy! _Sakumo thought.

"It's not funny," Kakashi said stiffly. "I've failed you... and Mother... and the family... and Konoha..."

"In what way?"

"In every way. The line will die with me. I am dying alone with a crazy shinobi. I am betraying the family honour. I am abandoning my friends..."

"You are in a hard place," his father agreed. "But there is no path that cannot also lead to hope."

"Even here?"

"Even here."

Kakashi looked around the heavy darkness encompassing the two of them like a bubble. He wondered whimsically who provided the wood and the fire. His mind? Or some great being who wanted to give him some resolution as he passed on?

"Ah, he has come as well," Sakumo noted, as out of the darkness emerged the familiar sight of a long white face of Lightning's Howl.

The wise eyes were kind and soft in the glow of the fire, the tongue lolling – giving the summoning's face a cheerful air. Giant paws rested beneath the head as the large dog circled his body around the two men. Kakashi blinked at the sight of the dog.

"You came to say goodbye as well?" he asked.

"Young pup," Lightning's Howl sighed. "There will never be goodbyes between us. We are here together now, as we should have been before."

"Nice to know," Kakashi hmphed. "Now we just need some drinks between us and a bit of music -"

"Now, now, Kakashi," his father said. "There's no need for sarcasm."

"I think the young pup is very confused," Lightning's Howl huffed, as if laughing. "And he is attempting to hide it behind his brand of battle humour. As usual."

Kakashi shrugged.

"So you have given up," the summoning continued. "That's that, then?"

"Apparently," Sakumo sighed. "Not what I was expecting. I figured things would be turning out for the better – I thought the blood of the Hatake would have a little more fire in it... but..."

"Appearances can be deceiving," Kakashi said rather sharply, wishing more than ever to be left alone. "It's not like I can do anything -"

"You could have called me," Lightning's Howl corrected the ninja. "You know it. You are willing to give up so easily. Why?"

"And what would I wake to? Sakura? Or another interrogation?"

"You think that what you have experienced is all a lie?" Sakumo leaned back. "What you have been offered is merely the delusions of a complicated genjutsu?"

"It could be."

"True," sighed Sakumo. "Why are you here then? They are killing you off in the genjutsu they put on you? That hardly seems logical."

"Indeed, young pup," the hound shook his head and poked his wet nose at Kakashi's hand. "I don't think you have thought this through. Even now, these feelings are unresolved. You must understand that there will always be days when you will wonder at the reality of things. You will wonder if it is all a dream. A complicated genjutsu. But, even so, is there something so wrong in grasping at the good things one can feel in life?"

_Sakura..._

_Her green eyes and gentle hands. Her light laughter and lithe body. Her strength and and her anger. Her shy glances upwards at him – her -_

_Sakura..._

"So you think I should fight for this. Despite the unknown ending?"

"If it means seeing her again, Kakashi, what do you think?" Sakumo asked.

Kakashi sighed and stared into the fire, recalling all those fond memories of her. Sakura cooking in his new apartment. The new plants given to him by Naruto. The furniture easily obtained by Sasuke for their comfort.

"_We're not letting you hang out by yourself anymore, Sensei," Naruto shook his head firmly. "Our homes are something we can all share -"_

"_Not 24/7, I hope," Sasuke snorted. "I've got plans that don't include you."_

"_Who wants to be part of your plans anyway?" Naruto sneered. "It probably includes sitting in the dark -"_

"_Who's in the dark, idiot," Sasuke glared at his blonde teammate. "Like Sensei wants annoying idiots like you around all day long!"_

"_I'm not the idiot! You are!"_

"_No! You are!"_

"_Am not!"  
"Are too!"_

"_BOOOOYSSSS!!!" Sakura's punch sent the two ninja flying. "Shut the hell up and let Kakashi-sensei rest in his new apartment." Turning her head towards her now quivering sensei, Sakura's scary expression melted away. "Now, you just enjoy the peace and quiet. And the awesome view! We got the best view we could find from your balcony!"_

Kakashi buried his head in his hands and let go a rattling sigh – half-laugh, half-sob.

"I'm an idiot, aren't I? Pushing and pulling – making decisions and then meandering – like a child who does not know his own mind. Wanting to stay – and yet, wanting to leave... Feeling a stranger and yet at home... I'm just so... fucked up... I don't know what's right and wrong anymore."

"Then trust us, Kakashi," his father said, eyes serious, yet kind. "There are many things that give life meaning. And you have been given so much – and it cannot be taken from you – if you fight for it. Letting it go so easily... that is not our way."

Lightning's Howl rose and caught Kakashi's eyes – and Kakashi rose, feeling new resolve filling him.

_Sakura... Lightning's Howl... Father... Naruto... Sasuke... Konoha... my friends old and new..._

"I will not say goodbye," his father said softly, rising to clasp Kakashi's shoulder. The Copy Nin's hand raised slowly to grasp his father's large hand as well, enjoying the connection now between him. It was good to feel their hands together – as it had been so long ago.

"Because we will never be parted?" Kakashi blinked. "That is -"

"Because I am a part of you, as much as your mother. Your soul and your summonings," Sakumo smiled. "Let me tell you how much I take pride in you – whatever decisions you make. So, in a way, you carry my pride. You are my pride – and my joy. Now go."

"Thank you, Father," Kakashi nodded. "I am glad that I could see you again. Everytime we meet, I am reminded sharply of what I lost -"

"But we will meet again," his father grinned. "I look forward to better news next time. Now go. Go!"

Kakashi nodded shakily and turned away. Walked back into the darkness – but beside was the familiar presence of his summonings. And with each step he took, his path became brighter and brighter. The glow of fur and of chakra gathered. Kakashi was returning home.

_This is not the time for goodbye. Not yet._

* * *

Team 7 arrived at the location of the first outpost in good time. Instead of the projected 5 hour trip, Sasuke had predicted, thanks to Sakura's soldier pills and natural stamina, they had arrived in 4 hours. Even then, the three nins knew that the task before them was daunting. Around them lay thick forest and craggy rocks in between. It would be a difficult task to be able to differentiate the life signs between animal and human in such a wilderness. The amount of space needed to be covered alone was daunting, never mind the type of terrain facing them. Dells, crevasses, rocky outcroppings and clusters of trees would make the search almost impossible.

"Where's a Hyuuga when you need one?" grumbled Naruto. "If Hinata were here, we'd find him so easily..."

"I don't know," Sasuke shook his head. "There's so much out here... Sakura... find anything in the outpost?"

Sakura leaped out from behind a small secluded spot between some rocks and trees, frowning. Landing by the boys, she shook her head.

"There was someone at the outpost a week ago or so, but it's hard to prove conclusive that it was that creep or not."

"I say we divide up the space and explore everything within five hundred paces," Sasuke suggested quietly before his teammates could start panicking again. "Then come back to this spot," here he threw down a kunai with a red ribbon, "within two hours. See what we can find out to begin with. Look for any markings. Any sign of a trail however small... it shouldn't be hard..."

"But this is ANBU we are talking about," Sakura sighed. "He should know how to cover his tracks... It would be so easily for him to hide..."

"But he will be found," Naruto disagreed firmly. "He will. As a team we will find him. There's no way he can stay hidden forever. Plus, I'm sure Kakashi is fighting back as we spea-"

But before Naruto could finish his sentence, there was a hollow boom which resounded throughout the forest and the valleys, echoing it seemed from all places at once. Sakura and Sasuke exchanged glances as they sensed a sudden wash of chakra. Naruto's head whipped back and forth as he looked around them.

"What was that? Did you feel that? That felt -"

"That felt like Kakashi!" Sakura yelled. "Which way?"

"I don't know... it's hard to pin the location..."

* * *

After the dark, there was a bright light so blinding it burned the retinas and left behind a glare – but beyond that, there was morning. A cheerful kind of sunrise which promised blue skies and white puffy clouds – the kind that Shikamaru enjoyed watching. There was a brisk wind which carried the clear air of rocks and the wood scents of the trees surrounding them.

Kakashi stood there – raised above the treeline and looked around at a bright new world. New – as new as the eyes which beheld them. It was stunning – the silence and the business – the warmth of the rising sun and the cool of the shades -

Below him, Lightning's Howl shifted, his grey fur glistening in the sunlight. The giant wolfhound raised his head and howled, filling Kakashi with renewed strength and chakra. It filled him to overflowing as a cup – and it crackled along his body, radiating outward from his pale hair.

It was his heritage, his past and his future.

* * *

"There! There! Do you see it?! There! Oh my gosh! Sensei is so cool! He's always looking so cool! And check it out! It's his summoning! Sakura!"

"I see it, idiot. Shuddup!" The girl whacked her teammate hard on the head, slamming his face into the rock. "Where that bastard Yukio... I need to get my hands on him... or so help me..."

"Sakura," Sasuke turned to the girl. "Let's get closer – but I think..." He left the sentence unfinished as the two hot-heads of his team raced further into the thickets. "Hey... guys... yo..."

They were long gone into the distance.

* * *

Kakashi, after taking several deep breaths, looked around below him. There were no enemies. No scent of suppressed chakra. Nothing appeared to be hiding in the shifting shadows of the trees. Here, there was only nature – the flora, the fauna – the earth. He turned around to look back from which he came.

There was no darkness now. It had all been bared to the light: the cave from which he had emerged broken wide open like a fragile egg shell. Rounded, crumbling sides of earth, once hardened with chakra, rounded upward and away – revealing a still, curled up figure.

Jumping down lightly, Kakashi landed by... his teammate, his fingers immediately searching for a pulse. Yukio was dead. For a moment, Kakashi knelt there, and then, gently, he closed the dark-haired ANBU's eyes. Brushing away the dirt from pale skin, the Copy Nin remembered all the time he had spent together with Yukio.

Staring at the stars...

"_You know, Kakashi," Yukio sighed. "There's something about the moon –"_

"_Don't tell me you're getting soft in your old age…" Kakashi snorted derisively, landing lightly on a branch somewhere above his comrade._

"_Doesn't it get to you? The moon? The stars? So pure – so untouchable – so beautiful… you wonder how they stay in place – how they got there –"_

"_That's easily –"_

"_No… what if – were they made? Did they REALLY slowly come from nothing to evolve to into these beautiful lights? Is that why we feel so lonely under them?"_

Drinking on his balcony...

"_You live your life way too dangerously, Kashi-kun… what if –'_

_Kakashi opened his black eye blearily at Yukio's solemn tone._

"_What if – you never came back?"_

"_Why should y'care? You're th' one who hurts me all th' time. Who's most annoyin'… dash - dastardly…"_

"_Hmn. Yes."_

Sharing the dangers of missions...

"_Kashi-kun. Why act so surprised?"_

_He watched the silver-haired ninja turn away to lay the sword down with shaking fingers_

"_Ah! You've got a scratch! Let me have a look!"_

_Deft hands bound up Kakashi's arm with bandages materializing out of nowhere._

_Damn the man! He had thought._

_There was a moment of silence as Kakashi watched his ex-teammate bind up his arm. They stood there staring at each other – dark eyes meeting dark eyes._

"_You know," Yukio said, walking around Kakashi to slide two strong arms around the slimmer man's waist. "Standing there in the moonlight – you remind me of a moon spirit. So precious. But oh…. So cold."_

Kakashi searched his heart and considered the thing inside it: sorrow and regret. Something like grief for what had been a great ninja and once upon a time, a great mind. There had been a soldier who had given away everything for Leaf. All he had wanted was someone to be there for him.

_One cannot live alone_, Kakashi smiled softly. _That is the lesson I have learned. No man is a leaf existing on his own. Each must be bound together on the great tree we call family. _

_I am sorry, Yukio, that I was not the one. From now on, it is in my memories, you must exist. The good and the bad times together... the times you tore me down and built me up..._

He paused as more memories came upon him.

_"Kakashi. You. You in there! Dammit! Speak to me! Are you wounded?" _

_Strong hands shook him - slapped him awake - and he was there - in the blood spattered room - the warm corpse of a ten-year-old girl with a grey dress beside him -_

_Her hair was reddish - any lighter and -_

_Sakura. Rin. _

_Somehow Yukio managed to cut off the bloody prcelain mask before Kakashi spewed up what little he'd eaten before the attack on Rock. His dark blue eyes darkened with lust - _

_"You're so hot, bloody like that..." He whispered, his breath hot against Kakashi's neck._

_Kakashi turned away with a glare and a sharp... 'no'. But he was weak - and Yukio took him there anyway - hard and fast on the teacher's blood-slicked desk._

Kakashi looked down and wondered what could have bred in the dark to cause such torment and loss. They had been like negatives drawn to each other, feeding on each other's loss and pain. But now... now, they were free.

_For all that, thank you. May you find peace._

* * *

When Team 7 burst into the sunshine of the small glade, they were awed by the sheer size of the white wolfhound before them. The wise eyes sparkled with laughter and yet were still with solemnity. There was youth there – and wisdom beyond the ages. As always, Sakura felt she was looking at some eternal soul. Sasuke nodded with respect and Naruto waved.

"He is with him," the creature growled softly. "Wait awhile. He must pay his respects to the dead. Only in a fulfilling goodbye, can the past be released."

Sakura nodded, "We will wait then."

"It is over now," Lightning's Howl yipped. "I am a happier wolf for it. The young pup has given us much to grieve over – and yet, there is joy as well."

Sakura smiled, "That's Kakashi for you!"

"Indeed."

"The ANBU will be on their way any moment, I'm sure," Naruto stared around him uneasily. "I sent the message hours ago..."

"It takes a while to get to the borders," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Not all of us are imbued with demons you know."

"Imbued?" Naruto squinted.

"Forget it."

"What's it mean? Imbued?"

"I said forget it, idiot."

"Stop calling me idiot!" Naruto began to flail.

"Then stop being an idiot, idiot, and improve your vocabulary!"

"GUYS!" barked Sakura.

Both of the boys froze.

"Sorry..." Naruto whimpered and fell silent, satisfying himself with a glare at Sasuke's profile.

Sasuke snorted, but also held his peace. An angry Sakura was a dangerous one.

* * *

Kakashi turned rose finally and stepped away. After a moment's thought, he quickly formed a few seals – it was one of his handier jutsu copied from a Sand Nin. Molding his chakra evenly through the earth, Kakashi let the man he once called friend sink down into the earth. In a few hours, the hunter nins would come and take care of the body. Until then, Yukio would find the peace he had so long searched for.

Climbing over the edge of the large hole, Kakashi blinked at the sight of Sakura dusting her hands off. Sasuke and Naruto appeared to have been buried in the ground head first.

Chuckling nervously, he approached the medic nin.

"Yo... Sakura..."

"KAKASHI!" The young woman ran toward him, her eyes already checking him over for signs of severe injuries. "You are okay!"

The Copy Nin grinned.

"Yeah... somehow..."

"And... your...."

"Yukio is dead," Kakashi said softly, turning a little to stare at the hole he had just left. "The hunter nins will take care of it. As usual."

"But you are safe. That's all that really matters," Sakura breathed softly.

Kakashi drew close to her then, raising his hand to trail his pale fingers down her soft cheek. She was so beautiful – it took his breath away. Somehow he found it hard to tell her. Sakura smiled in an understanding response.

"I think..." he looked around. "I think we should worry more for Naruto and Sasuke. They seem to have gotten wasted... seriously..."

"There's just so much a girl can take," Sakura replied seriously. "What can I say? I might have gotten carried away..."

"Sakura!"

"They'll survive."

".... really..." Kakashi refrained from saying anything else.

The two of them instead found themselves staring at each other again. This time with new eyes – free of barriers. There was determination now – courage, hope and honesty. Sakura couldn't remember the last time she felt so elated. She blushed.

"Well, it seems as if it is my time to leave -" harrumphed Lightning's Howl. "Leave you two young pups to it."

"To what?" asked Kakashi, scratching his head in embarrassment.

"To what indeed..." the dog seemed to laugh. "That is up to you, I should think."

It seemed as if he winked at Sakura, which turned her face red – and Kakashi was sure he looked scandalized. But without waiting for a response, the dog nodded.

"Until next time then, young pup."

And he disappeared in several clouds of white smoke. For a moment, there was an awkward silence. Somewhere birds chirped, small animals rustled and a few groans emanated from the rest of Team 7.

Then, without warning, there were four ANBU touching down on the edge of the small crater. They nodded at the two Jounin before descending, allowing Sakura and Kakashi to pull the two young men out of the earth (loudly complaining about Sakura's fists).

Quickly they left, all of them knowing better than to stick around. Besides, the idea of returning home to their friends, the thought of hot fresh food and drinks held many charms for Team 7. Sakura wanted to get Kakashi into the hospital for a quick checkup. Without a word, they turned toward home.

Sakura couldn't wait to get alone with the Copy Nin. They had much to discuss.

* * *

**Read and review! Easy payment for free entertainment!!!**


	38. Treasures of the Heart

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: ****WARNING! Angst, romantic adult stuff...**

**Pairing: **Yukio/Kakashi, Sakura/Kakashi.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~ Lyrics from Owl City.

_**Author's Notes: **_Life as a teacher is awesome, but it can suck... Grading, parent-teacher conferences... English Corners and stuff can take up so much of your time. Now that I have a social life and am writing original works as well as other kinds of real-person fanfiction, it's hard to keep up with everything... As some may have noticed, I've completed a Spring 2011 Edit on the previous chapters. Mainly formatting. Otherwise, business as usual... and this is getting into the final chappies – perhaps only one more to go...

* * *

**Treasures of the Heart**

"'Cause the spaces between my fingers  
Are right where yours fit perfectly"

(Owl City)

If life is a film, let the shutter pass over the next few weeks – filled with annoying missions (in Naruto's opinion), slow recovery (Kakashi's opinion) and awkward moments which promised so much more. That was Sakura's thought. Passing by slowly, the strip stutters to a halt – closing in a familiar scene – Sakura and Kakashi sitting on his sofa – the one which has slouched on the balcony for too long. The two nins are quiet, but it is a familiar, enjoyable silence. For the most part.

Sakura enjoyed the feeling of Kakashi's arm cushioning her head. It was the closest thing to a cuddle that he could understand. For a while, she had thought it was cute. _Tonight though, let's see how far we can go_, she thought with a mischievous smile.

To her right, the Copy Nin was idly recounting all the fun times he had so far enjoyed with the pink-haired medical kunoichi. Sakura had brought so many new, good memories into his barren life... Even just being here, on his balcony, on his couch... _The couch..._ Kakashi pulled himself away from the memories that threatened to swamp him as he eased back into it the soft cushions. Memories of Yukio's lips. Yukio's hands. Yukio's -

_No._ He reminded himself again. _It's over. I can only look forward and walk step by painful step towards the future. As uncomfortable as this is going to make me feel – as vulnerable and open – and naked..._

He glanced at Sakura's serene face and slightly curved lips.

Open and – naked – Shaking his head, Kakashi resisted the urge to smack himself. _It may have been too long, old man – but get a hold of yourself!_

"You don't have to hold it in," Sakura said, after a moment. "Just be yourself."  
"Easier said than done," Kakashi said, trying to just focus on how right it felt for her to be leaning back against his arm as they sat there watching the sun setting. "It's hard to be yourself – after years of... well, not being yourself."  
"All the time you were with us, you weren't totally honest – but toward the end – before we all split up – you had relaxed – a little, right?"  
"Yeah – for the first time in a long time, I felt hope..." Kakashi sighed.  
"Life for you has been one long battle –" she agreed.  
"Well, there were... good moments..."  
"Of course, for sanity's sake. I heard about you and Megami."  
"Eh?" Kakashi's eye widened. "Oh – th-that – Sakura – you know – you don't have to worry about that –"  
"Of course I'm not."  
'Oh."  
"It gives me some kind of hope, too," she sighed, gazing up at him, her green eyes inviting him to something he could only hope at. "That you can feel once again – be in a relationship again – you know... "  
"Oh – yes –" he said, feeling inadequate, feeling like the conversation was going around in circles.

This was their first date. _A sit in and hang out date_, Sakura said. _Getting to know each other better in an intimate kind of way..._

_Intimate kind of way..._ Kakashi had tried to interpret that one. _Did that mean they would reminisce? Or remember past experiences that troubled them in life? Did that mean that they would share secrets? Or make secrets together... was this about sex? Or no sex? Or just making out? And how far did making out go before it became sex? Wasn't there some kind of fine line? What if she didn't want to make out? Would would want to make out on his couch?_

"Do you know why I didn't ask for the restaurant deal?" Sakura said, when the conversation appeared to have lapsed again into silence.  
"You said – said – ah... something about getting to know each other –"  
"Yes. Because you know... after all we have been through together – after all we have been through apart, we know each other pretty well by now – right?'  
"True," Kakashi said. "Like the fact that you like to –"

He was going to say something about her flirtatious drunk behaviour but switched halfway through instinctively feeling that wasn't going to come out right.

"– make a sick person feel special," he ended lamely.  
"What were you going to say?" she asked.  
"N-nothing..."  
"No, be honest."  
"Just about you being kinda cute and flirtatious when you're – er – drunk – sometimes – not all the time... and it wasn't really me who pointed out... it was Genma. Who you should keep an eye out for because I think he's bi or something so just because Raido has him doesn't mean anything. Really. And –" Now, he was babbling.  
"Kakashi."  
"Yes?"  
'How many dates have you had?"  
"Dates?"  
"Not the fruit – the thing where you go out and enjoy some time with a girl. And hiring a stripper or a lap dance or something else entirely doesn't count."  
"Ah... not a lot... really... I was busy," he muttered. "It wasn't that I couldn't – or whatever – I could have had lots of dates. Women are always hanging off of me."  
"Yeah, who wouldn't."

Sakura thought briefly of Yukio's haunted eyes.

_He had understood the magnetic pull of Kakashi... as did all the women in Konoha. It's something to do with the mystery of the man. But in the end, it's not his mystery that is important – it's his lackadaisical heart... the intensity that lies under a veneer of devil-may-care._

"Yes, well," Kakashi said. "I just got busy. Life can get that way. Besides, there aren't many good women to be had – not around here... I mean, there are some nice women who have well... lots of good attributes – but none are good for long-term – which is what I prefer – and it wasn't until you kind of – well – matured and became the woman you are today that I realized well, that maybe I had found one that was worth treasuring – that is –"

"I think there's a compliment in there somewhere," Sakura said, with a smile, then, smoothly she turned and slipped onto his lap, straddling his legs, leaning down over him. "This is a very special technique that all kunoichi are trained in from a very young age," she added, leaning down to whisper in his ear.

Kakashi felt like he was going to explode – and for a moment he was frozen in shock. His arms felt sluggish as he tried to push her hands back – but her fingers were already pulling his mask down and her lips had claimed his.

* * *

"This isn't so bad now, is it?" Naruto asked Hinata. "It's always the part where I have to pick you up at your house where it gets awkward... Couldn't your dad let you wait outside?"  
"I-I am not sure," sighed the dark-haired Hyuuga. "I think he's kind of old-fashioned in his romantic expectations..."  
"Ahhh..." Naruto's brow furrowed. "He needs to move into this century."

[Forehead twitch.]

"B-but, you know, I – I think it's kind of nice," Hinata looked up at Naruto then. "I feel like you treasure me even more when you have to fight to get in and out... like a princess."  
"Right! If you're the princess, I'm the prince – sent to rescue you!"

[Another forehead twitch.]

"Naruto, you definitely have fought enough for me," Hinata protested. "I'd like to save you just once as well..."  
"You did," he said with a smile. "You definitely did – all those years – you had to battle my stupidity, my foolishness... you know... I think I have gotten better in the past few years – now you don't have to worry – I'm thinking about you 24/7!"  
"Naruto!"  
"Hinata!"

[Shoulder's bent and shaking, forehead furrowed...]

The couple clasped hands over the sushi table, eyes meeting each other with adoration and love. For a moment the romantic atmosphere held – the candlelight, the sweet music, the sweet perfume Hinata was wearing – then, the disturbing chakra from the corner of their booth edged in. Naruto turned and glared at their chaperone.

"Neji! I'm gonna kill you if you don't stop it! You're totally destroying my evening here! Why don't you – I don't know – go chat up that girl at the bar!"  
"N-Naruto –"  
"Idiot! The only reason why he lets a man like you with his daughter is because I am here," Neji snorted. "Although, the only dangerous thing about you is your disgusting concept of a romantic evening! I feel like I'm going to vomit..."  
"N-Neji –"  
"Ha! That's because you probably never talk to the girls you date, bastard! Do you even go on dates?"

Neji's eyebrow twitched dangerously.

"Of course I do," he said. "We've already talked about this before, so I'm not discussing it again." He turned his head dismissively.  
"Oh yeah? Since when?"  
"You said that the last time as well – you know – at the Chinese food joint around the corner."  
"Naruto! Neji!"

The two boys were now head to head, glaring at each other. Neji's fingers were already rising, ready for his signature move. Naruto's palm was beginning to fill with chakra...

Hinata sighed. _Here we go again..._

* * *

"Not out on a date?" Sai asked, passing by Sasuke who was surrounded by a group of the boys, steadily getting pissed. "I thought everyone was on a date."  
"You aren't," Sasuke glared up at the dark-haired boy.  
"Well, I will – much later on –" Sai replied, unperturbed. "I saw Lyra several bars back, getting drunk by herself. Is that okay? She hasn't been too well lately..."  
"Yeah... I know..."  
"So?"  
"I said so myself... and next thing – she was pissed at me – yelled and said that I was wanting her to be the perfect –" Here, Sasuke knocked back another shot. "Uchiha wife – and keep her locked up at home... and she said that I was being condescending – again... and I got angry and told her that she just didn't know what was good for her – and –"  
"You didn't..."  
"Yeah... I mentioned her uncle..."  
"Idiot," Sai sat down. "So just go over there an apologize."  
"For what?"  
"For all that shit."  
"But I wasn't implying any of that... and I'm right, you know. The doctor told her to take it easy!"  
"Well, you might be right – but why do you have to be right?"  
"What?"  
"Why do you have to be right?"  
"I don't know what you are saying."

Sai stared at the round glass between his fingers and raised the dark liquor to his lips. The aroma wafted up toward him. He would have to be careful – tonight, he had some plans – which meant some infiltration, some extraction and them some hot forbidden sex with a certain young Hyuuga who wasn't currently Naruto's girlfriend...

Hiashi, if he only knew, would have the boy's head. _Hahaha... dickless idiots..._ Sai smiled to himself. _Tenzou would be pissed too..._

"So explain it –" Sasuke nudged his suddenly silent partner.

Sai sipped the liquid slowly, letting the fire run down his throat before answering.

"The question isn't 'Am I right?" It becomes instead... 'Is being right more important than being with Lyra?'"

For a moment, there was nothing said between them – and then Sasuke sighed. He set down his next shot, not yet finished. Massaging his forehead, Sasuke grimaced at the realization – that Sai was right, once again. It was hard to believe that over time such an awkward young man would eventually gain such insight...

_Shit... I'm so going to have to go back there... and apologize. I hate apologies... I totally can't do them well enough..._

"Well, then, practice," Sai smiled, his eyes curved up into amused crescents. "We can role play if you want –"  
"Like hell," Sasuke glared at his teammate and pushed away from the bar. "I'm off." Throwing a few bills down on the counter he grudgingly added, "Thanks."  
"Any time," Sai smirked. "Dickwad."

But Sasuke was long gone.

* * *

So many lives are strung together in the tale we call life. Tales are what bring us together, Iruka was once quoted as saying that "memories of those who are gone before us are retold to remind us of something we often forget on a day to day basis." The importance of keeping the fire of Leaf going in every ninja's heart.

"Genma's obviously in a philosophical mood tonight," Asuma chuckled. "Although, I am guessing that Sasuke isn't feeling it."  
"Judging by how pasted Lyra is down the road," Kurenai added, sitting down by her now permanent live-in flatmate, "I can only guess why... Sai might know though..."

Raido ambled over to the quiet dark-haired ex-Root nin and sat down, summoning another two drinks. Sasuke's exit – followed by a short explanation on the behalf of Sai would feed a little of the rumour mill. But Genma's eyes were elsewhere. There was something more suitable in watching Izumo watch Kotetsu... and he wonders if life is always going to be like that.

"Even when we are dead and gone – will there be others to carry it on?" he asks aloud, feeling a little buzz from the alcohol settle into his bones.  
"What d'you mean?"

Raido again – having parted ways with the Sai and shared the titbit of gossip with the other nins before slipping next to Genma's favourite seat.

"Well, you know, Raido, you and I, Hana and I... Izumo and Kotetsu, Kotetsu and his cute wife... Sasuke and Lyra... Sai and his many female conquests... whatever it may be... there is always the chasing and the getting – the pursuit and the capture – a cycle of life and death – and rising and falling –"  
"Of course," Raido replied, put down his glass. "And you know – we have a special date tomorrow."  
"Riiighhht," Genma leered. "I'm all pumped up about that. I know it's gonna be big 'cause you've been all tense about it all week long."

Raido sighed. "Sometimes, I wonder whether it's fair – that I'm so lucky to have someone like you – maybe the whole circle of life thing messed up – you know? But then, things happen that let me think it's okay... and then other things happen which make me wonder if it's all going to go to hell in a hand basket... and you know – watching Izumo and how faithful he is – it just makes you think that life isn't fair – but who are you to complain and –"

Genma leaned forward and kissed Raido silencing the scarred Jounin. For a moment, Raido enjoyed the moment of Genma's hard lips on his – before he realized – oh shit – this is at the bar! - and then he pulled back and glared at the senbon-nin.

"You're thinking too much, Raido," smiled Genma. "You're going to get a Neji complex at this rate. Just enjoy what you have for now. Let tomorrow be another day."

Raido looked up uncertainly at the Jounin.

"It's easy for you to say. You aren't the one with the surprise."  
"Well, you can tell me it now."  
"No, no, it's something you have to see. For yourself."  
"Raido..."  
"Trust me," sighed Raido.  
"I do," Genma replied, pulling Raido's chin up. "But let's enjoy the rest of today for what it is."  
"You do this carpe diem thing well."  
"I've got practice," Genma grinned. "Among other things."  
"Talk about it."  
"So... carpe diem?"  
"Carpe diem," Raido said. "Or wait – no – carpe noctem, right?'  
"Raido."  
"Right, right, thinking again."

* * *

Iruka and Shizune watched Genma and Raido slouch past – obviously not running off to work on a mission – or working at the office or examination grounds on this bright sunny day. The dark-haired kunoichi smiled back as Genma waved lazily at her – but Raido's smile was quick and absent-minded. He obviously had a lot on his mind. She had a good idea why. Hana had come to her a few days back with the news.

"Raido wants Genma to meet the boys."  
"And you aren't sure about it," Shizune said, noticing how Hana chewed on her lower lip absently. "This is unexpected?"  
"Well, yes... no... I don't know," Hana sighed. "For so long, I've been an independent woman and then there was Genma – and he made me feel like – I don't know – for a moment, I thought that maybe there could be something there – something to make me give it all up – but..."  
"But?"  
"I can't take half a man. I can't share."  
"Who would share Genma?" laughed Shizune then. "I mean, most people who get their hands on him, won't let him go."  
"Raido said he was willing."  
"No way..." Shizune sat down suddenly. "So... what are you going to do?"  
"Like I said... I don't know!"  
"I'd take it slow."  
"Slow?"  
"Yes..."  
"Just start with the boys – and then – one day – start looking at other options, huh?"  
"Something like that."  
"That could work."  
"You're all adults," Shizune pointed out. "It's something that with a lot of talking, I'm sure you could figure it out. Take your cue from the boys. They might end up not wanting to get to involved..."  
"Good point."

So when Hana opened the door to a stoic, determined Raido and a confused Genma, she couldn't help but laugh suddenly – at the whole ridiculousness of the thing. A grown woman like her, worrying over a couple of men... and she had already had a husband buried and two full-grown children!

"Come in," she said abruptly, before Genma could get a word in edgewise – How she knew he could talk the hind leg off a donkey if anyone let him! Without any word from Raido, the two men followed her through the hall, past large open rooms, past the kitchen and out to a back sitting room with sliding doors which opened to a large yard. Just as he expected, Genma saw a mass of fur flying around the yard and in between some human looking arms and legs stuck out.

The two boys.

"Hiroshi! Renjiro!" she barked out. "Ruki! Asa! Gion! Oni!"

As if by magic, the whole mass of fur and oise settled down in an instant revealing the two boys Genma had met around a year ago. It was in the hospital... Already, they had begun to grow taller – obviously their father had been a tall man.

"Hiroshi, Renjiro – you remember Shiranui-san –"  
"Just Genma," he said with a smile. 'My goodness – you two have grown! Now I feel like an old man!"  
"Hahaha!" laughed the more exuberant, hazel-eyed Hiroshi. "Genma-san is an old man!"

Renjiro eyed the tall Jounin calculatingly. "Are you older than Mom?" he asked.  
"Well... no... but we're close in age," replied Genma easily.  
"So you know my Mom a lot?"  
"Sure – a long time ago," Genma winked at Hana who snorted.  
"It's what I call my phase of insanity," she said. "Tea? Coffee? Or would you like something with a bit more kick?"  
"Tea," Raido said before Genma could open his mouth. "The boys can sit and tell Genma about their first day at the Academy, eh?"  
"It was awesome," Hiroshi said.  
"Not bad," the more close-mouthed Renjiro added with a shrug.  
"Iruka-sensei is a little scary."  
"But he can have fun too..."  
"Iruka-sensei has always been scary," Genma said. "Even when he was a kid on the playground – right, Raido?"  
"Ahhh... yes... those were the good ol' days! Anko too... hahaha... ahhh..."  
"Anko was a terror," Hana agreed, setting down tea. "Almost as bad as I was!"

The boys looked at their mother in awe.

"What about you, Genma?" asked Hiroshi, helping his Mom hand out the cups.  
"Me? Hm... I was a more – live and let live kind of guy... you know..."  
"Spineless?" Raido asked, with a small smile.  
"No... I wouldn't say that..." Genma rolled his eyes. "I just wasn't into the fighting scene all the time... I liked treasure hunting though –"  
"Yeah – in the trash!"  
"I always wanted to be cool."  
"Totally orally fixated," snorted Raido.  
"Ora-lly – what?" Renjiro stumbled over the long word.  
"Orally fixated," Genma repeated – enjoying Raido's sudden discomfort. "Means... well... I like to put something in my mouth – like these senbon."  
"Wow... cool – so you, like, chew on them all the time?" asked Hiroshi edging closer to stare at Genma's current favourite.  
"All. The. Time," Raido said, voice deadpan. "It can get annoying."  
"So – how far can you spit it?" asked Renjiro, clearly not a believer like his older brother. His dark eyes never seemed to leave Genma's face – an intense child, he thought, who probably thought a lot more than expected.  
"Pretty far," Genma said – and demonstrated agreeably.

Hana leaned away a little, unfazed by how close it passed her ear and buried itself in the screen door behind her.

"You are totally going to have to fix it now," she said coolly. "Drink your tea, Genma." She snagged the offending senbon out of the door and flung at him.

Genma caught it neatly and put it down. Raising the tea cup, he gave the boys a silent toast before sipping from it. His face wrinkled a little, but he downed it manfully. The boys giggled.

"Mom's not the best at tea," Hiroshi said.  
"Silence, brat," Hana glared, but there was no real venom.  
"So, why the invitation, Hana?" asked Genma, looking across at the woman inquiringly. "Not to be rude, Raido, but as surprises go – this is the most perplexing."  
"Well," Hana hesitated, glancing at the two boys. "You have to blame your friend for this – but he guessed it – what Shizune already knew... I just – I didn't think there would ever be a good opportunity to share the truth with you – and I had just let it go over the years – but now – Raido is rather insistent... He should explain perhaps?"  
"No," Raido shook his head, feeling more awkward by the minute. More than ever, he felt like this was a bad idea.

_Perhaps Hana is right – perhaps there is no going back – no possible –_

"Well," Genma said. "What about it?"  
"Hana-san," Raido insisted quietly. "You should say it."

Hana sighed then glanced at Renjiro to her right and Hiroshi to her left. She smiled sadly and said, "You know, Genma, for a man who is so laid-back – you have a gift for pursuing people's hearts. After my husband died, I never thought I would enjoy another man's company again –"

"Ughhh, Mooom," Renjiro stuck his tongue out. "Is this gonna be mushy?"  
"What's wrong with a bit of love?" asked Hiroshi. "You're just scared. Like how you're scared of that cute kunoichi Kisa who wanted to share her bento with you yesterday."  
"Boys –" Genma frowned. "Let's just listen to your mom and hear what she's gotta say."

The boys subsided with a few glares on either side. Raido stifled a chuckle.

"I guess, what I wanted to share with you, Genma," Hana put both hands on the boys shoulders squeezing them a little. "Is that ever since the days we've been together, I've treasured your gifts with happiness – and I feel bad that I would hoard them – not giving you the benefit of the doubt."  
"Gifts?" Genma blinked. "You – what? Raido – what's going –"  
"Use your head, idiot," Raido said affectionately, poking his friend in the ribs. "Look at them. Turning nine – and Hiroshi's hair and eyes – and Renjiro's devil-may-care rash attitude – even I could see it at ten paces."  
"The – the – twins are –"  
"Ours," Hana said. "Hiroshi and Renjiro, you know I told you that we'd be meeting someone very important today. Hiroshi probably guessed already..."  
"Well," the older twin shrugged. "We were talking about in class a week ago – how you need a mom and a dad to have a kid – so – well – I figured that if you start talking about important people in our lives... it's not like it's the Hokage, right?'  
"How do you feel about it?" asked Raido.  
"I don't know," Renjiro said.  
"Neither do I..." murmured Genma, obviously in shock. His senbon had gone rolling across the table.  
"More explanations later," Hana said. "Here, have some more tea. Do you guys want to stay for dinner? What do you boys think?"  
"Sure," Renjiro shrugged. "That way we can ask more about his oral whateverness... and see how he fights too."  
"Yeah!" Hiroshi smiled. "What does Genma – er – father – um – what do we call him?'  
"Genma will be fine," Raido said, "and I say yes to dinner for us both."

Genma was still frozen – his mouth a little ajar. Raido nudged him.

"You okay?"  
"Uh – yeah – well – no – I don't know – I mean – how – when – why – what – I'm just – whoa! I mean – kids! - me! I'm a father! I have kids! We have kids! We all have kids!"

Raido smiled.

"Some surprise, huh?"  
"No wonder you've been so tense! How long did you know?"  
"Not too long of a time," Raido hesitated. "From the time I saw them at the hospital – I guessed – but I had to work through it – talk to Hana – and well... just see how it went..."  
"Wow. That's... I'm still in shock, I think."  
"Well, take your time," Raido smiled. "We have all the rest of our lives to get used to it – figure it out..."  
"You're okay with this, for real?" Genma turned to his lover and eyed the quiet, scarred Jounin.  
"Yeah... I am."  
"I could kiss you right about now."  
"Not in front of the kids, idiot."  
"Why not?"  
"We've got enough to explain without having to explain THAT."  
"What?" Hiroshi said. "I know all about kissing. Kisa wants to kiss Renjiro. I told her that I'd help her practice – but she got mad and told me she'd kill me first."  
"Just do us all a favour and die," Renjiro growled.  
"Well... there's a time for that," Genma said, suddenly feeling very protective. "You need to go at the pace you want – and decide what you want when the time comes."  
"Like whether I like Kisa?"  
"Sure, Renjiro."  
"Or whether you like girls," smirked Hiroshi. "You might be more like – well – uh... Dad? This is just weird..."  
"Just call me Genma," Genma grinned. "And yeah, things might go like that as well."  
"But you also like Mom, right?" Renjiro blinked.  
"Sure," Genma laughed. "I did... still do... just not the same way I like Raido..."

Hiroshi nodded – curiousity sated for all of three seconds before his mouth opened again. Hana gave the young boy a look at the sight of Genma's slack face.

"Are they always so – I don't know – full of questions?" Genma asked after a moment.  
"All the day, all the time, every second of every minute of every day of their young lives," Hana laughed. "Just kidding. Seriously, boys, let your – um – let Genma catch his breath. He's getting old you know – can't keep up with us young people."

They all laughed – and laughed until the evening.

* * *

"You heard the news?" asked Anko in her usual boisterous manner.  
"Which news?" Kotetsu hollered back. "There's a ton going around..."  
"About Iruka –"  
"– and Shizune?" ended Ibiki. "Yes. We heard. Half an hour later – I think a few ANBU were skulking."  
"Poor kids," Asuma shook his head. "As if he wasn't nervous enough!"  
"I heard he showed up a half an hour early," added Kurenai. "Asuma wasn't much better though. You gotta feel sorry for them..."  
"Well," Aoba muttered, "how else are we going to be entertained around here?"  
"I don't know," Kurenai retorted. "Get a life?"  
"Shizune is happy though," Asuma shrugged. "I don't think she'd have noticed if the Hokage had been there with a whole contigent of ANBU."  
"It'll work out," Ibiki shrugged. "Next up... an unholy union between Hana, Genma and Raido?"

The two normally unflappable Jounin exploded – Genma snorted his drink, coughing for a good two minutes. Raido turned a bright red like a tomato. Hana just looked amused – tipping her head back to laugh heartily.

"I don't think Raido-kun is man enough for me," she said.  
"C'mon," Anko said. "I'm sure you could make it work. I would – if Genma was involved."  
"Now, now," Kurenai said. "Be kind."  
"Well, it makes one wonder," Ibiki stroked his chin.  
"I would rather not have you wondering about anything, really," Raido said.  
"Whatever," Genma said, straightening. "We're doing things are own way – and that's the most important thing."  
"Yeah – how are the boys taking it?" asked Kurenai.  
"Pretty well – actually," Hana shrugged. "Which is pleasantly surprising. I thought there would be a lot of lip and stuff – but Genma seems to be good with kids."  
"I just smacked them about a bit –"  
"Right, you old softie," Raido snorted, his face slowly subsiding to pink. "You guys should have seen him yesterday –" He paused at the warning lift to Genma's eyebrow. "Or not..."  
"No, no, tell! Tell!" Izumo begged.  
"I'm all ears. Genma, Daddy version – what would I give to see that," sighed Kotetsu.  
"What would you give?" asked Hana, curiously.  
"Seriously?" asked Ibiki.  
"I'm willing to negotiate."  
"Hanaaa!"

* * *

Kakashi and Tenzou, passing the inn, shook their heads as the loud sounds of raucous laughter escalated even higher. It seemed, truly, like things had gone back to normal – as though none of it had happened – none of the war – none of the people dying – none of those who had been lost to Akatsuki. Shikaku and Inoichi with the older generation had their own booths where they sat and raised silent toasts to those passed on – who would never be able to enjoy what they could enjoy – the sight of Genma being harangued by Kotetsu and Anko. Ibiki starting to pull out a kunai warningly...

"Want to go in?" asked Tenzou.  
"Uh... I think I will pass."  
"The younger ones will be showing up soon – after their dates are done... as per usual."  
"You would know better than I," Kakashi said ruefully, scratching his head. "I'm just going to have a look in at what Sakura's up to and then make it an early night."  
"Good luck with that," Tenzou replied.  
"Eh?"  
"I think I heard from Sai who had heard it from Hanabi who had heard it from Hinata who had heard it from Ino who had heard it from Naruto and Sasuke that Sakura was having some kind of in-house plan for you guys tonight."  
"Really?"  
"So I'd get hurrying if I were you. It's one thing to keep Iruka or the Hokage waiting..."  
"Right..."  
"Kakashi," Tenzou added, watching the Copy Nin slowly meander off. "I know that what you say and do is sometimes a little at odds – but I guess I just think that the worst thing we can do to ourselves is not take the chance. We've survived so much in our life – if we don't grab the opportunities given to us – how much do you think we are going to regret it?"

Kakashi didn't say anything for a minute and then said, "Welll... I am never sure about things like this... but I will try my hardest. Don't worry, Tenzou-kun. I'm not going to let it go this time."

With that, he disappeared upward and Tenzou, shaking his head, entered the inn, greeted by a wave of –

"TENZOU! MY MAN!"  
"Tenzou! You heard the news? Of course you did, bastard!"  
"Oh – you know – Sasuke and Lyra totally made up at the bar – drunk and all – I'm sure the Uchiha are spinning in their graves!"  
"Hey – wait, Tenzou – hey! Where's Kakashi?"  
"Sakura had a date planned for him – didn't you know?"  
"I heard it from Kurenai who heard it from Hinata who heard it from Ino who heard it from the two boys."  
"I heard about it from Sai."  
"It'd be too dangerous to sneak up on them, wouldn't it?"  
"Genma, perish the thought. Unless you have a serious death wish."  
"Just saying..."

* * *

Kakashi, contrary to popular opinion, not for the first time showed up punctually at his apartment. Inside, he could sense the familiar glow of Sakura's chakra – still, there was a bit of tension – and he paused a little before entering. Inside, the small apartment had been lit with dim lights – and Sakura was waiting for him on the couch. It seemed like such a familiar scene, the Copy Nin felt a small twinge of deja vu. They were home. Home. Kakashi felt a little overwhelmed by thought.

One day, he had a feeling that home would be the large family house which sat now, waiting for him. The gardens begging to be tended, the silent spaces waiting to be filled with the sound of voices, and the swing to be pushed. Sakura had already suggested that they look into getting a home renovating service – "I know you have a stash of money, Hatake – we better invest." He had said yes – but until now, he hadn't been able to pinpoint the source of his reluctance. Now he knew.

It was to be found here. Here, in the comfort of what he knew – Sakura and the small home they had made together in so short of a time. To move seemed like leaving a familiar nook – a comfortable niche – going out on a limb. _Perhaps I am a coward after all..._ He shook his head and sat down.

"You look a little anxious," Sakura said, edging closer.

Kakashi eyed her for a moment, hesitated and then shrugged, "It's nothing."

"Nothing?" she repeated. "Nothing is making your shoulders all tense."

Suddenly she was behind him, firm hands on his shoulders pulling and pushing against muscle and bone in a surprisingly relaxing way. _A massage... Sakura's massage..._ Kakashi closed his eyes and relaxed. I've never had something like this before... only what the physicians would arrange for after a particularly damaging mission...

"So what's this nothing about?"  
"Tenzou said that I shouldn't be afraid of the future," he said finally. "And when I came into the house – I felt so glad – felt so at home – but then I thought about our talk about the main house and... suddenly it felt like it might be too big for me to handle – like maybe I'd end up disappointing – I don't know – you, the family... Konoha... myself..."  
"We'll take it one step at a time."  
"I told him that I was willing to take it at my pace – that it would happen – that I wouldn't run away – but what if the step is too big."  
"It will never be too big," Sakura stooped down and bent around to kiss him on the side of his clothed cheek. "We have each other."  
"But – I'm still – well – I'm still so... unable to even be honest about everything – and there's the fact that I can't seem to behave like the other people out there..."  
"Like what people?" Sakura asked, coming around to nestle against the Copy Nin.  
"Well, Shizune and Iruka – who are engaged... and Naruto and Hinata who can hold hands in public all the time – and Lyra and Sasuke who aren't afraid to show their feelings in public – and Genma and Raido who kissed the other night, they say, at the bar..."  
"Kakashi, you do realize that even they have their problems, right? Like Iruka is the biggest worry wart in the history of humankind – and Naruto keeps ruining his dates by fighting with their chaperone and Lyra and Sasuke were drunk when they were fighting it out at the bar – and so were Genma and Raido – probably... They're just exhibitionists. So what if you don't think you'll ever be able to drop your mask in public? In this journey together, remember, I've seen all of you. So don't beat yourself up. Just the fact that you had the courage to tell me tonight that you are struggling is the honesty I need."  
"You sure?" asked Kakashi.  
"Yeah."  
"Oh... well... I heard from the boys you had planned something?"  
"Well, we already had dinner," Sakura leaned in, kissed him, let him pull down his mask and enjoyed another kiss. "So I thought desert was in order."

She rose and tugged him toward the bedroom. It was his usual simple bed with the olive green quilt complete with black shuriken. Kakashi followed, feet dragging but his dark eye a little wide as she pulled him down onto the bed, drawing him close for another kiss. The mattress gave a bit as Sakura sat back on it – but her mind was elsewhere, enjoying the feel of his firm lips on hers. Her hands brushed his, running up his arms, down his sides to lift up the edges of his shirt enjoying the feel of skin and mesh shirt underneath his usual navy blue pullover. Kakashi's breath hitched, his lax fingers suddenly tightening on either side of her head – they slowly drifted down, running along the edge of her pink shirt.

She smiled encouragingly and whispered, "It's up to you to decide, Kakashi."

"About desert?" he asked breathlessly, pulling back to look her in the eye.

Her fingers rose to pull his hitae ate up staring at his bi-coloured eyes.

"You think it's a bad idea?" she asked.  
"No, no," he laughed then. "Together, let's take the chance. This step."  
"We'll carry each other."  
"Like always."

Sakura gazing upward felt transfixed in the moment, locking away that picture for all time before the shutter-film of life moved onward – to remember that starlit moment of a slight smile welling up out of the eyes and curving the Copy Nin's lips. Until the day she would close her eyes forever, she wanted to remember this quiet moment – something she was sure would be hers only for a long time to come. It was precious – her treasure buried now deeply in her heart for all time.

_"I can finally see_

_That you're right there beside me,_

_I am not my own,_

_For I have been made new_

_Please don't let me go,_

_I desperately need you"_

* * *

**Please Review!**

**Message to Reviewers:**

**Only one more chapter left! My pengyous tell me I can't start a new fanfiction until I finish at least one! So here goes!**

**Reply to Reviewers:**

aquamarine-acaia – As you can see, it's slowly coming to a finish! Hurrah!

Beloveddaughteroftheking – Yeah... Yukio's disappearance is necessary – but kind of sad, you know... he was such a needy person.

Hatake-kun – Thanks! Glad you enjoyed!

Slippup – Thanks a lot! It's great to meet another reviewer! I hope you enjoy the update!

Inu-babygirl1 – Thanks for reviewing!

Nikule – I definitely feel too busy to keep up with all of my writing projects. This is what happens when you start too many! TT_TT

kinokokichigai – No resurrections, promise. Glad you loved it!

Chasity – Hopefully this answers your questions!

Ninjakitty – Sometimes I wish I could forget this story – it's been an albatross around my neck – for over three years! But very soon, it will be laid to rest! Phew!

JunJun1990 – I'm glad you could find it! Sorry for the wait – I got a life and it's getting in the way!

Kagomaru – Thanks a ton for your praise! I'm glad you are always coming back to the story. It's gonna be done soon – so I'll have to think up another one... or finish my Letters duology...

Prescripto13 – I LOVED the limbo scene. It was one of the most beautiful parts in the manga for Kakashi. Of course, I may be biased – but the fact he could find some kind of resolution concerning his father – was great. Now we just have to find out why Rin is dead and we are all set to go. Well, it's been a long hall, eh? I guess I'll have to start considering other plot bunnies to write.

Fionfee – I think it will go pretty well from here on out – seeing as I am only planning one more chapter.

Kakashifangirlnumber1000 – Not a very soon update – but I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's almost done!

maaike-fluffy – Kakashi/Sakura shipping is very difficult because you are right – you can totally get squicked by the idea. Time helps alot... which is why I recommend "Letters" because it really deals with the issue of time. Hahahaha... of course, I'm the kind of writer who doesn't magically like to fast-forward Sakura's age...


	39. Gifts of Life

**Title: **Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake Clan

**Warnings: ****WARNING! Angst, romantic adult stuff...**

**Pairing: **Yukio/Kakashi, Sakura/Kakashi.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own this original piece of work, neither do I gain financially from it~ Poetry from moi.

_**Author's Notes:  
**_Sorry for the shortness of the chapter – but if it is too heavy, it'd kill the ending. For those who hung in with me all these years with Gentle Lesson, thank you!

Began first year teaching English at a university. Don't know what that means for my writing – but I hope to continue writing fanfiction as long as I am able. For those who are interested, I might start a new Harry Potter story (keep a lookout!) and... I have done some real-person fanfics which you can access at http:/ . net/viewuser. php?uid=1419. I'm trying to find an appropriate place for my original fiction as well.

* * *

**Gifts of Life**

_(to perscripto13 who has hung in there from the beginning - you rock!)_

Falling snow  
Of purple, blue and red  
Petals wafted by the wind  
I felt them softly soothe my face  
And wondered  
How I sometimes close my eyes  
To the dark, blue sky  
White clouds, sparkling starred heavens

Sakura turned slowly, moaning a little as she stretched lazily. Beside her, Kakashi was beginning to stir – his grey hair and light breath tickling the back of her as his pale arms tried to draw her back into his embrace. For a moment, she relaxed, enjoying the silent moment. It was early. The dim morning light was filtering through the light panelled sliding doors of their bedroom, but it was slowly brightening, promising a fine spring day. She could hear the usual early morning noises – the distant clatter of pans as the Hatake staff began their day with breakfast, the creaking trees and rustling branches, the slow pok-pok of bamboo hitting rock, the gurgle of the small stream which passed through the corner of the estate...

Shifting to her other side, the kunoichi took the opportunity to look at her husband. The tousled grey hair, the relaxed serene face underneath – the heart-stopping nose, mouth and chin – and then, the bi-coloured eyes watching her with an equally candid stare.

Tilting her head, Sakura wondered what he saw. _A glowing happy wife? A cute, perky kunoichi? Or just Sakura of the pink hair and green eyes..._

"You're beautiful," he said huskily, breaking the silence with a quick smile. "Have I ever told you that?"  
"A few times," she replied, drawing close to give him a quick kiss. "But I can always hear it again."  
"Beautiful, gorgeous... your hair reminds me of cherry blossoms and your eyes, the green leaves of Konoha..." Kakashi added quickly. "... and intelligent also... that's my kunoichi..."

She smiled in return.

"You're buttering me up for something. Admit it. You're not going on a weekend mission are you?"  
"No!" Kakashi glared. "Can't a man compliment his wife?"  
"Yes, he can," Sakura agreed. "If he's not a Hatake..."  
"Well... that's just... unfair..."  
"So what do you want?"  
"Do I have to want anything?"  
"Kakashi..."  
"Fine... I was just... thinking that..." Kakashi's light fingers traced Sakura's smooth skin, running down from her shoulders, lightly caressing her breast before coming to rest on her hip. "... since we woke up early... and have got an hour or so... We should... make the most of our... suddenly... free time."  
"Sounds good to me," Sakura leaned forward into his kiss, enjoying the feel of his firm lips and the very light scruff that dusted his chin and cheeks. "You should have said so before..."

Kakashi wisely didn't argue. Instead, he closed his eyes and, running his tongue along her lips, enjoyed the rough feel of her tongue against his. After a few minutes of kissing, his fingers ghosted across her nipples, until they were hard with want. Travelling down, Kakashi slipped his hand between her thighs finding her wet. His thumb ran across her clit – and as she shivered, pushing against him, he found himself sighing into their kiss. For a moment, they drew apart, giving him a chance to turn her over – giving the ninja easier access to her neck. Down her pale skin, he kissed her, worshipping the beauty he found there – even among the small scars. The small ridge that ran along her collarbone (a run in with a Rain nin), a small pucker underneath her left breast (kunai stab wound thanks to a Sound nin)... and the two inch scar which ran along her ribs on the right...

His tongue and lips traced a path of passion across her breasts and down to her navel. The sound of her breathless gasps and small cries raised his cock – and when he entered her moments later, he felt like he was coming home.

-0-0-0-

When Kakashi and Sakura emerged from their bedroom an hour later, relaxed, serene and ready for a day with the family, they were greeted with cries of "Where've you been, Mom?" and "You said we'd have a picnic today! Is cousin Aki coming?"

"We're enjoying a rare day off," Kakashi said severely, eyeing his eight year old son who was trying to glaring up at his late father. "It's been a while since your mother and I have had a chance to sleep in –"  
"Sleep in?" Saku sniffed. "That's likely."  
"Sakumo," Sakura raised an eyebrow. "What did we talk about?"  
"Private stuff is private stuff," Saku said sullenly. "What happens in the bedroom..."  
"Stays in the bedroom," Kakashi said, ruffling his son's white-grey hair. "I remember when I was young – I always wanted to get Father and Mother out of bed early – but you know, it's important to respect people's space. You don't want to end up like Uncle Lee, now, do you?"

Sakumo twitched.

"Fuzzy eyebrows?"  
"Fuzzy eyebrows! Fuzzy eyebrows!" chanted little Rika. "Papa's Fuzzy Eyebrows!"  
"Do I look fuzzy to you?" Kakashi mock-glared at his young daughter who seemed to be taking after her mother more with each day. "Come here, you! Let's get you ready for the picnic!"  
"I can do it by myself!" protested the young girl. "I'm five! And I can go to the Academy with Saku!"  
"Next year," sighed Sakura, knowing that the pink-haired child could be as stubborn as she was back in the day. For some reason, Rika felt very close to Saku and wanted to go to school right away to be with her brother.  
"Going to class with you would be super uncool," Saku snorted. "Seriously. You're a crybaby!"  
"I'm not!" Rika said, pouting.  
"Are too! Remember yesterday? You cried because your doll fell in the koi pond!"  
"Am not!" Rika's bottom lip was quivering now. "Mommy is going to teach me how to swim soon!"  
"Sakumo," Sakura raised an eyebrow at her son. "That's unkind. I think you know that. What do you say?"  
"Sorry," mumbled the grey-haired boy.

Kakashi jerked down his son's favourite mask and folded his arms, looking firm and unyielding. He knew that Sakumo was actually more nervous about attending in the Fall than he let on. Last year had been a little difficult for the young boy. Unlike his father, Sakumo seemed to favour Sakura's chakra precision skills. _One day_, Kakashi thought, _he'll be a greater medic than his mother... but until then, he's going to feel self-conscious with everyone expecting him to follow in his father's footsteps_.

"I didn't hear that," Kakashi said.  
"Sorry," Sakumo repeated a little louder, head hanging, giving his little sister a swift glance. "I'm just... mad, I guess... 'cause cousin Aki and Minato seem cool already and I suck..."  
"Saku doesn't suck!" Rika's eyebrows furrowed.  
"Your little sister is right," Sakura squeezed her son's shoulder. "Just give it time. I was eighteen before I reached my full abilities – and some ninjas don't really achieve greatness until their mid-twenties! So there's no rush. Besides, learning to control your chakra is more important to learn properly than how to make a mass of clones."  
"That's what Iruka-sensei said..."  
"Well, Iruka-sensei is right, most of the time," Kakashi smiled. "You should listen to him, seriously, and not worry about the other students yet."  
"Sure..."  
"Maybe when we go on the picnic," Kakashi continued on. "We could do some practice with tree climbing."  
"No hands tree climbing!" Rika squealed happily.  
"OK!" Saku cheered up. "Is Aki and Minato going to come too?"

The Copy Nin glanced at Sakura questioningly.

"I think Naruto and Sasuke and Hinata said they'd come – but I think Lyra is going to stay at home on account of the baby. You know how tired Lyra can get... I think she'll welcome getting Sasuke and Aki out of the house."  
"YAY!" Saku jumped up.  
"Aki and Mina! Aki and Mina!" chanted Rika.  
"Let's get things ready, first," Kakashi grabbed his son by the back of the shirt before the energetic boy disappeared over the horizon. "We'll need to get out the blankets. I'll double-check to see if the swing is working..."  
"I'll talk to the housekeeper and see what they planned to pack in the baskets," Sakura nodded. "Rika, want to join me?"  
"Yeah! I can help Baba pack!"

Watching his wife and daughter walk off, Kakashi scratched his head. Behind his mask, he smiled. It was going to be a great day.

-0-0-0-

It's spring. The sun filters warmly down through the budding and blossoming branches of the Hatake estate's trees. Light pink and white dot the dark bark bringing promises of a new year of growth. Before the blankets stretches the now tended wilderness of the Hatake – the imported roses, the local flowers and a few rows of vegetables for the staff's use. And the koi pond – and the quietly trickling river – and the trees which shelter the women as the kids and the men played "Ninja Attack".

Later, when the baskets are packed away, the blankets stored and everyone returned home, Kakashi finds himself pushing his wife back and forth on the new swing they had hung up for the children. Behind him, he can hear Saku trying to teach Rika how to skip stones across the pond. It's a joyous sound – the sound of high young voices filling the air.

The sky is a tantalizing colour of red and purple and deep blues – a good sign for tomorrow. Shadows slowly begin to fall, drifting down over the faces of the Hokage, through the trees, to the porch – and across the refurbished shrine of his family. Tonight, he decides to light an incense stick, in thanks and in memory. I wonder if my children will carry it on, he wonders, perhaps Rika... already she is showing great potential... perhaps she will be the one to hold the Hatake heritage. Lightning's Howl's progeny walking side by side with our children...

_And there's Aki... and Minato... and Genma's twins... and Iruka's baby girl... and Asuma and Kurenai's children... and so many others. I nearly gave it up... but I was saved from myself... thanks to Sakura, I have something to look forward to..._

Kakashi realizes he needs to kiss his wife again.

"What was that for?"  
"Just thinking about what would have been... versus what is."  
"Feeling thankful?" she asked.  
"Yes."  
"Good."  
"Yeah... I thought so too," he smiled.  
"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" Sakura asked, enjoying the feel of the light wind which lifted her hair as she swung back and forth.  
"Dunno. We got a weekend off. Let's really enjoy it."  
"Why do your plans always sound so good?"  
"They don't always – remember last month?" Kakashi had to point out. "You were so mad..."  
"Good point."  
"But this is a good idea," he said. "I'm not sure what we'll do... we can do anything."  
"It doesn't have to be big."  
"No, it doesn't."  
"Even the small things count."  
"Yes."

Kakashi knows that tomorrow will be filled with the small things – waking up to Sakura's pink hair in his face, Saku and Rika arguing, the housekeeper making sly remarks about a new baby being on the way, the swing, the cherry blossoms...

Something to look forward to. The future is bright.

Falling snow  
Of purple, blue and red  
Petals wafted by the wind  
I felt them softly soothe my face

Ah!

How the weak and gentle  
In life give more  
Comfort than all material things

* * *

**Thanks for all the reviews~ Thanks for hanging in there!**

Perscripto13: Yes, I agree. I think that Kishimoto's characters are so lively and varied - just like the real world. It's nice to see and I hope to emulate it in further fanfics. Whatever those fanfics might be... A short sequel to Time, perhaps? I dunno...

Riversan: Next generation gets a small preview here. I think the series will end here. But it's been a good run. I guess, I'll have to think up a new KakaSaku now...

Kakashifangirlnumber1000: Yes, it is the end. a short end. But oh well... I guess this just means I will need to start another story. See what I can come up with. :)

Inubabygirl: Yes, this is the end. But not the end of my writing!

Krows Scared: Long time no see! Yes, it is the end. *sniff* I hope I can go back at some point and fix everything - ie. format and stuff. But until then, perhaps I can work on a new KakaSaku - or pick up the sequel to Time.

Kagomaru: I'm happy for your honesty. My old stuff does bug me. It's one reason why I am trying to make some time to fix things. But it's a long hard process. I really need a nitpicky beta who will actually edit stuff. *sigh* Well, this can only mean one thing - a new KakaSaku! Must think up an original plot first...

Hatake Kai: You've just got finished for the end. I hope you enjoy this and the rest of my other stuff!


End file.
